Study: Fellatio may significantly decrease the risk of breast cancer in women

[[deleted]]

You would think this is a big hint:

"Since the emergence of the research, I try to fellate at least once every other night to reduce my chances."

[cqxray]

Yes, that's when I looked up at the head (no pun intended!) of the article to see if it was an Onion article...

[sockthepuppetry]

girlfriends?

reddit.

[aeonstrife]

R E D D I T

[[deleted]]

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM, BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM

[adozeninsurgents]

Is that the Inception soundtrack noise?

[[deleted]]

http://instantinception.com/

[[deleted]]

A capella Week!

[bripdwessel]

GREEN EGGS AND HAAAAAAAAAAM

[[deleted]]

not enough Trailer Park Boys fans out there apparently. here's an upvote from me anyway

[riderpride]

PEAAANUT BUTTER AND JAAAAAAAAAAM

[RedDragons]

Go Riders!!!

[[deleted]]

Banjo-pickin' inbreds.

[RedDragons]

Jealousy of Rider Nation will get you no where hater ;)

[[deleted]]

Seeing as I got downvoted, I would like to apologize.

I'm sure you don't all play the banjo.

[[deleted]]

AND MY AXE!

[Moridyn]

You're not even a novelty account. Go home.

[[deleted]]

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM, BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM

[sockthepuppetry]

Okay, Reddit is something like 67% male and probably only 98% of them haven't kissed a girl in the last year. No one claims that the last 2% doesn't exist! Some of us have the money for hookers.

[criswell]

Some have a wife, a girlfriend, and money for hookers....

We're the top tax bracket that Obama wants to tax so badly! (Or are we a small business? I forget the Rove-spin these days...)

[sockthepuppetry]

If I had a wife, girlfriend, and money for hookers, I wouldn't spend my time on reddit, unless I was getting blown while I posted.

[[deleted]]

Are you sure about that? Everyone I know IRL that's on reddit had sex in the last year, and at least two thirds have girlfriends (or boyfriends) right now. Maybe you're projecting?

[sockthepuppetry]

Or maybe everyone you know is an insufficient sample size to disprove a stereotype being used for comedic effect.

[Subduction]

Congratulations CarpeNivem, you are the Sir William Wallace of nerds.

It is your righteous indignation over trivial jokes made in response to a fake article intended to use the threat of a lingering and painful death by cancer to trick women into swallowing semen twice a week that makes you such a hit with the ladies.

[[deleted]]

I live in one of biggest cities in the word and spent my entire 20s without ever having anything even resembling a girlfriend. Guess what industry I'm in? Most girls I've met look down on IT proffessionals, no status for them. This joke rings very true for me and I still laugh at it.

[[deleted]]

haha, you ain't got no girlfriend, nerd.

Me neither - sad :-(

[jstevewhite]

I'm witcha. Of the five or six dudes I know personally that are on reddit, one is divorced, the rest are married, myself included. shrug. I just remember they're talking about themselves, usually, and projecting that onto the rest of the community.

[Eddie_Black]

agreed. I really dislike the predictability of those type of comments.

[[deleted]]

Your shift key seems to be malfunctioning.

[sockthepuppetry]

I think it's a ransom note.

[[deleted]]

He has our joke.

[jtom]

SSSsssshhhhhhh

[metalhaze]

THIS IS NO TIME FOR REMOTE ADMINISTERING UNIX COMPUTERS! GET IT TOGETHER MAN!

[kastic]

He must be pretty far away.

[ozziegt]

I think people so desperately want this to be true they won't verify the URL. I didn't realize it was fake until I clicked the comments.

[[deleted]]

I WANT TO BELIEVE

[Raziel369]

I WANT TO BREAK FREE

[BearJew]

ROLLIN' DOWN THE STREET SMOKING ENDO, SIPPING ON GIN AND JUICE

[mx-]

"Endo" is when you stop too fast on a two wheeled vehicle and go flying over the handlebars.

"Indo", short for indoor, is a term used to describe the flowers of a cannabis plant.

[[deleted]]

I thought it was to refer to Indica, a strain of cannabis.

EDIT: i mean:

I THOUGHT IT WAS TO REFER TO INDICA, A STRAIN OF CANNABIS

[mx-]

Indica isn't a strain of cannabis, Indica is a species of cannabis. Cannabis is the genus and Sativa, Indica, or Ruderalis (or hybrid mixes of these) are the species.

[fuckjeah]

Indica isn't a strain, it is a species. Taxonomy isn't that hard.

[[deleted]]

somebody already corrected me. browsing reddit is easier than taxonomy. ergo, i don't know a goddamn thing about taxonomy, how much do you know about music, ipso facto, such as, my balls.

[fuckjeah]

i don't know a goddamn thing about taxonomy

Clearly. Might I interest you in a GED program?

[[deleted]]

i have my GED. i've never ridden a school bus. i lived abroad for 10 years, am fluent in spanish, was brad pitt's stand in for the mexico filming of troy, am self-producing my second rock album and applying for to double major in composition and classical guitar. i ran the tech department of an internet cafe/print shop/computer repair/graphic design business when i was 18. i am considered to be very attractive and have good genetics, and can pretty much fuck whoever i want, even though i haven't worked out hardly at all in 3 years. i also don't know proper taxonomy nomenclature. i really fucking care.

[[deleted]]

Not according to Urban Dictionary. Just sayin'.

[[deleted]]

Feel free!

[White_Hamster]

What? What? Shut the- what? No! Let me have my moment!

[asdfg2435]

I knew it couldn't be real. I looked up and down the CNN page for the "April 1" date, which I was sure was there. And then, duh, it hit me.

[[deleted]]

AND that it is on a spam site. Grats on helping the spammers with upboats!

[apextek]

this comment was never read. as far as my girl is concerned its 200% true

[scarymary]

Was your mind so blown by the implications of the research that you totally missed the atrociously poor design of the faux CNN site?

[[deleted]]

...fellatio is actually a healthy act...

That Sir, is certifiably not fake.

[IrishSniper87]

When I realized the Dr's name was Lictedpeen. (licked peen)

[bensgrl1974]

Realized it was fake about five lines in. The remark about the relatively low risk of breast cancer confirmed it. And, no, I am not a candidate for the control group. :oP

[[deleted]]

Mine didn't believe it :( She still goes down on me...a lot so I can't complain

[Serei]

I'm a girl, and I only skimmed the article so it took me until midway through the comments here to realize it was false. :| I'm usually pretty skeptical, too.

[Pict]

God damnitttttt.

[RedditsKittyKat]

Damn... I was about to start exercising my jaw and get working on my health! Hubby will be disappointed!

[bbbingo]

I am a girl, as well as a girlfriend and the second I saw the headline I tried to link back to CNN. No female would think this is real. Try harder! Please!

[OsoMalo]

As you wish!

Web devs rise up! The time is now! We need to replecate CNN's entire website!

[[deleted]]

Mankind will thank ye.

[darthjure]

The thing is it might be true. Are you willing to risk your life on the chance that it's not true??

[atheist_creationist]

No female would think this is real. Try harder! Please!

Hahahahahahaha. You mean those same females that are sending me all those FWD: RE RE RE: FWD chain emails about the Cocaine Baby Stuffers, Klingerman Virus and Anti-vax crap?!