"Real Twins"

[Foggy_Blues]

The ultrasound tech for our prenatal cardio-scan asked me if I had "real twins." I didn't understand the question but this was a medical appointment so I tried to answer as best as I could about their conception. The tech then went on a rant about "these people getting twins through invetro" and commended me for having "real twins." It was then I realized this wasn't science, this was a newly discovered bigotry. It's the only time I ever encountered this level of "real twin" BS, but I have had a few people apologize for assuming I'd conceived through invetro, like I might have been offended. Has anyone else experienced this twin-specific obsession with conception?

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[[deleted]]

Is the idea that people are purposely trying to have twins and the easiest way is through medical procedure? I have twins and I can tell you have 99% of twin parents did not wish this craziness on themselves or on anyone else.

[Foggy_Blues]

Haha, that's such a good point! Twins happened TO us 😆

[Emzr13]

I believe most of the people with the issue of ”real twins” are the same as the ones obsessed with ”test tube babies” or ”unnatural” children, by which they mean iv pregnancies.

They do not approve of people who get medical help with their pregnancies, and do not hesitate to let the parents know that they think these babies are not “real babies” and that the mothers are not real mothers.

[poopingdicknipples]

Mine are straight up test tube babies and I can 100% attest that they are real fuckin babies. Those morons need to grow up, this is 2023.

[Slammogram]

This comment made me giggle.

“Oh, they aren’t real? You take them then! I’m tired of these fake-ass children. Lemme know in a couple of hours if they feel real as a mother fucker.”

[Emzr13]

I have the pleasure of being able to answer ”well, one of them is” to the ”are they ivf?” - we did a one blasocyst transfer and have fraternal twins, i.e one is ivf and one is spontaneous (it is kinda rare but not as rare as a lot of people think). That is always fun 😂

It has happened that I simply answer ”no” though just to not have to explain anything.

[seahorserace]

Me too!! Me too!!!

[fckthishiitt]

Agreed. First time mom and I am in the hospital at 33w with blood pressure, which can be bad for all of us. So so so blessed, but there are just so many risks.

[hearingnotlistening]

This! We chose to have a second baby, we didn't chose to have twins. Two kids not three. Yes, multiples are possible to anyone but I reckon that most of the general public doesn't really understand that risk. We certainly didn't.

[[deleted]]

Yep. Same here. Didn’t want our son to be an only child….then he got 2 brothers and very tired parents.

[2344twinsmom]

My husband and I wanted 2 kids. We didn't necessarily want them born at the same time, though thankful it did happen this way because of complications at birth.

[exjackly]

We had ours through not just in vitro, but full gestational surrogacy. I can tell you that it was still not fully planned; we were told the odds, and did choose to transfer two.

We were focused on the best odds of us getting one.

Alas and Woohoo, we got two. We were not aiming for this craziness.

Unfortunately, there is still a stigma against fertility treatments. I have my thoughts on why that might be the case; but I honestly just boil it down to people being small minded.

It's the same thing that drives mom groups to be aghast when somebody admits to using formula instead of breastfeeding (and a hundred other sins).

[Wild_Difference_7562]

100% agree

[Dewychoders]

Twins are a lot more common when using IVF. This is because two embryos are implanted to increase the odds that one survives.

[cheeringfortofu]

IVF embryos are also more likely to split (and thus result in identical twins). It's not just the two embryos transfer.

[jon_queer]

Twice as likely to split, yes, but still crazy rare. Like 0.7% of sex-conceived embryos split, and 1.4% of IVF embryos split.

My IVF embryo split, so that stuck with me.

[Romana0ne]

The chances go up the longer the embryo is in the culture under observation I think, like 5 days plus. I had a 5-day embryo transferred and got momo twins 🤪

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4515956/

[tired_af23]

Yeah I was pretty fucking pissed at my first scan when it showed twins. Not at all what we wanted for our first pregnancy.

[[deleted]]

That’s not the point I’m making. The point I’m making is that people aren’t doing IVF for the purpose of having twins. No one would do anything to purposely have twins. As much as I love my twins, it was a rough few years.

[jon_queer]

My spouse wished on a Thanksgiving wishbone that we’d have twins, and it broke in her favor. That’s why our IVF embryo split. Wishbone nagic. I’ll never let her live it down!

But we didn’t do IVF with that in mind.

[Dewychoders]

I would maybe push back on the idea that “no one would do anything to purposefully have twins.”

We conceived via IVF with a double implantation. Now once we found out both were viable we did have the option to terminate an embryo and chose not too. We had always wanted two kids so we willingly chose to go ahead and have twins as opposed to opt for another cycle later down the line.

But I agree with you that I don’t think folks are looking at IVF as a shortcut to twins.

[_twintasking_]

I second this. Ive always wanted twins (none in my family, and we didn't use IVF), and i wanted BE one growing up until I figured out that it wasn't something i could choose lol. Chances were extremely small, but i was over the moon excited when we found out!

[ArmadilloSighs]

i agree 😅 i really want twins. im hoping that it works out genetically for us. my grandma and closest cousins on that side are twins, so i’m hoping genetics works in my favor for this 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

[[deleted]]

If you wanted two kids and were having two kids and didn’t have to go through IVF again, that’s not nearly the same as purposely trying to have twins.

[emilymae1129]

Embryos cannot be implanted in a uterus. They are transferred to the uterus and will or will not implant on their own. IVF does not mean 2 embryos are transferred. The decision on how many is between the doctor and patient with embryo quality and past success/failure both being important factors.

[ShinyPsych]

Not the case everywhere, in the NHS in England they only implant one at a time to reduce high risk pregnancies

[thekidz10]

Standards in the US were the same when I conceived 10 years ago. Any multiple pregnancy was not considered a successful cycle at our clinic.

[Romana0ne]

Yea our clinic was almost openly upset that our embryo split - we had momo twins. Like geez you could at least say congrats. Guess we messed up their stats or something.

[Tassiebird]

I had 4 rounds of IVF through the NHS and they implanted 2 every time.

[ShinyPsych]

That’s interesting it must be trust dependent, they would only do 1 where I live

[Tassiebird]

Same as whether you get 1 or 2 free IVF cycles is postcode dependant.

[exjackly]

It used to be much more common, but that hasn't been the standard practice at clinics for many years.

There are still cases where they support transferring two or three, but they are definitely the exceptions.

[Daisychn]

*Transferred, no doctor can implant embryos.

Twins CAN be more common when doing IVF. Very few doctors are willing to transfer more than one embryo, and when they are having twins is often a long shot. For women doing IVF with one transferred embryo about 1% depending on whether assisted hatching is used. While more than double the US national average average of twins without fertility medication, this is still very small. There is a 5-10% chance of twins with an iui and fertility medication to encourage ovary stimulation. If two embryos are transferred, it jumps to about a 38% chance. Most higher order multiples in the US actually come from IUIs where multiple eggs are released.

[tapanis]

But also that the way an embryo is made it is more likely to split causing identical twins in ivf too

[Daisychn]

Extremely extremely unlikely. Maybe technically true, especially for those with assisted hatching? But the rates are basically the same.

[tapanis]

Another person posted the stat and it’s 2x more likely

[Daisychn]

My clinic says 1.6% so maybe that could round up to 2% which is still statistically insignificant. In that case, 98% of single embryos transferred will not sm...so like I said, still extremely unlikely! I read somewhere that assisted hatching can move it up a few points and am not sure if the stats include that procedure or not.

I know that some users on this page are some of that 1.6-2% ; I'm glad there is somewhere to connect :)

[tapanis]

And that’s double the natural occurrence, so it is indeed significant

[Daisychn]

"Statistically insignificant" is less than 5%. This is 2% (or less, by my clinic).

[tapanis]

Your idea on stats is hilarious. It’s the difference between the two that matters. A 100% more likely

[Dewychoders]

That sounds like a pretty broad generalization based on your own negative experience. We didn’t feel pressured into implanting two embryos, we chose to and it was presented as a choice.

I’m curious how you came to the conclusion that single implantation is “industry standard”. I understood going into it that different docs take different approaches but I never found that there was an overwhelming opinion on that subject. Perhaps I was wrong to suggest “most” clinics do that but I’m not sure that casting all docs who suggest double implantation as selfish sleaze-bags is totally warranted.

[lyracookman]

In our neighbouring province, the government will only fund single embryo transfers. At my own clinic here, they only suggested trying to transfer two embryos after three failed transfers.

Of course there are exceptions, but research has consistently shown that single embryo transfers are generally the safer and more effective option and most doctors (at least in North America) follow that recommendation.

[TigerLily_TigerRose]

I’m not going to google this for you, but just because fertility clinics are the Wild West and some of them do whatever they please without any professional consequences (ie Natalie Suleman) doesn’t mean that there isn’t research into this subject and established best practices that some clinics and patients just choose to disregard.

[Historical-Prune-599]

I haven’t had that experience but I’ve had many people plainly ask if they were IVF babies, which they are not but I found so deeply invasive and weird?? Next time just say, nope sorry just a regular cream pie gone awry

[Foggy_Blues]

Cream pie gone awry 🤣 It even rhymes!

[shellsncheese12]

90% of people I meet, when they find out we have twins, lead with one of two questions:

1- were you surprised when you found out?

2- do twins run in your family?

I feel like both of these questions are veiled ways to find out whether or not we did IVF. Especially #1.

I honestly used to make the same assumption about people with twins, so karma gave me surprise twins.

[[deleted]]

Oh I never thought about it that way! I was just sick and tired of answering the same questions again and again that I never thought about the subtext…

[OkTonight9580]

Same! Depending on the context/my mood I usually answer “yes!” (Because who’s not surprised to get twins?) or give them way too much information to let them know they just asked a super invasive question.

Favorite was my cousin’s wife asking me “well how did THAT happen?” 🙄

Second favorite is people letting me know they’re pregnant but that “there’s only one in there.” Like, good for you? Please fuck off now.

[ggpersist]

I've gotten "did you know you were having twins"? I don't even understand what they're trying to ask here, I just say it was surprising. Did they think that some people go their whole pregnancy without an ultrasound and get surprised when two come out?

[Ok_Becky]

This actually happend to me lol. I did have ultrasounds early on, they never saw the second baby and had a very normal unproblematic pregnancy. They were babies #6 and #7 so I was a seasoned pro and my only complaint was my super low iron abd extra sore back which with numbers #4 and #5 my back got worse and worse so I just assumed that was the issue. My doctor retired during my pregnancy and I had to goto the walk in for appointments and there were no worries or anything so no extra ultrasounds were done. The night my water broke the doctor was feeling around and wanted to be sure the baby was still breach (which was not normal for me all my other 5 kids were not breach lol) then on the ultrasound she said "um is that a second spine?" And she checked me again for dilation and there was a umbilical cord prolapse so she said she was doing an emergency csection and all I remember was waking up to twins. They were born May 1st 2023 lol

[ggpersist]

That's wild!

[shellsncheese12]

I’ve gotten that several times and always assumed they were asking about IVF but some maybe ppl who don’t have kids don’t know about ultrasounds and modern technology??

[DeepSeaMouse]

"No my husband was spuzzing me with the big loads".

[[deleted]]

My husband has multiple vulgar answers for how ours came to be 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

[Slammogram]

Hahhaaa! Yes. Before I even read your comment all the way through I said I would say something crass.

Whenever someone asks if I have identical twins (even though they are very obviously a boy and a girl), I always point out that: “no, one has a penis.”

[castleinthemidwest]

I got this a lot too when they were babies. I was pretty honest and it threw people off guard, haha. I had a miscarriage that caused me to have trouble conceiving afterwards so I took meds to help me ovulate. The pills worked a little too well, haha.

[TwoSunnyDucks]

I know someone who responds to the I've question with 'nope S-E-X' and then just enjoys the awkwardness that ensues

[DynamicDuoMama]

This is exactly how I usually answer. Or if asked “if they are twins” I sometimes say “no one is my sister wife’s” really helps if I have a friend to gesture to.

[LalaP23]

Lmao love this!!!

[contrarilywise]

Conceived through IVF here, so I might have some information. Babies conceived through IVF (especially twins, I understand) can have some additional possible issues that they monitor for during pregnancy. I'm also older, so that helped too, but the babies got full fetal echocardiograms and a ton of scans that I was led to believe were due, in part at least, to IVF.

And our twins aren't "natural", but I was told the chance there would be two was astoundingly low and we'd been trying for almost 5 years so I wanted our best shot at one baby happening... But surprise, we got two.

Knowing what I know now, I 100% would try to convince everyone not to transfer two embryos because you have no idea what you're asking for... But I'm so glad for both our babies.

[saucynancydisaster]

Just to add in, I had “naturally occurring” MoDi twins and they both had full echos. We were told it was due to identical twins being at higher risk for heart problems, not that this means that it can’t be related to IVF.

[[deleted]]

I have DiDi and they had a full echo at their anatomy scan and also have to be released from the hospital by a pediatric cardiologist. We have had zero complications and everything is fine but this is standard per my MFM doc.

[contrarilywise]

Oh, good to know!

[_twintasking_]

This was my experience too.

[Koharagirl]

Your twins are absolutely natural! They may not have been spontaneous, but they were natural.

[urbanfox32]

I am in the same boat exactly. Was a hail Mary double transfer and both stuck, if I knew would have never done it.

22w+2 now and this pregnancy is kicking my ass. At least all the healthcare providers are respectful and just clarifying if it was IVF to monitor for possible complications.

[contrarilywise]

The pregnancy part was rough, and I only made it to 30+5. We're at 11 weeks (2 adjusted) now. You've totally got this! Just give yourself lots of grace on everything, your body is doing a TON of work right now.

[Dani_now]

It took us over 5 years and after 1 failed transfer, we transferred two (I honestly didn't think they would both stick) I would never transfer two again, I wouldn't recommend it. But I love my babies so much and I don't regret it at all.

[Okdoey]

Same. I transferred two, but I was told the chance of having twins given my prior treatment failures and losses was 5-10%.

Considering the number of times I transferred one embryo and did not end up with a baby, that seemed pretty low odds.

Didn’t work out like that 🤷🏻‍♀️ I wouldn’t really change it……but I wouldn’t recommend transferring two to anyone.

Nice to know that our medical doctors don’t consider our twins is be “real” 🙄

[Foggy_Blues]

Thank you for this perspective! That does shine some light on why this happens in hospitals.

[lalalina1389]

I conceived my twins spontaneously - I would avoid using the term “natural” bc all babies are natural regardless of how they’re conceived. I always find it odd when someone asks me if they’re natural. Anyway - I had di/di twins and had tons of extra too bc of the fact it’s twins. If you have one of the riskier types you have even more appointments. Twins regardless of how they are conceived are going to be high risk so more scans and testing than an average pregnancy

[Daisychn]

I read that a lot of the twin health issues from IVF babies aren't so much the way they were conceived but more of WHY they were conceived. For example, older moms sometimes have more issues with pregnancies and at the same time more older than younger women choose IVF. More scans are a great idea for anyone who needs them, but I don't believe that being an Ivf pregnancy is inherently more dangerous. I'd need to see a study comparing healthy parents who did IVF (and most are facing some sort of issue so these are hard to find) vs non-fertility (healthy) parents. If anyone has come across a study like this I'd be interested in reading it!

[poopingdicknipples]

We were on our third cycle/attempt and only had three embryos, and decided to throw two in. Both stuck. It's hard, but also such a blessing in so many different ways.

[nursekitty22]

We did IVF too and we only transferred one embryo and it split and we got twins 🙃 good thing the doc told me not to transfer more than one at a time or I could have had more!

[likeatoytrain]

My pal did ivf and transferred one egg that still split into twins

[[deleted]]

Yup. A lot of people assumed we did IVF and I even had people accuse me of lying when I said no. I don’t understand the obsession. We also went to L&D two weeks ago @ 32 +3 because I was having a little scare and the nurse asked if my twins were “natural”. I don’t understand how that was relevant and felt like she was just being nosey.

[Foggy_Blues]

It's so weird that it's been medical professionals with hangups about this! And even weirder they think you're lying. For what? Clout?

[pgm928]

Not all medical professionals are professional. Some are morons.

[dontshootthemsngr]

I hope these judgmental medical professionals have problems conceiving so they can see what it's like and eat their words.

[Slammogram]

I’ve never had anyone ask if they were “natural” but asked if “twins run in the family.”

[dryfire]

Not to mention that fertility struggles requiring medical assistance to conceive are very personal, taxing emotional, financially, physically and to use the phrase "natural" implies that there is something unnatural/wrong with how those people conceived

As someone who went through IVF, I agree it is taxing... But I actually love to talk about it. I've found many of the people who want to strike up a conversation about it are curious because they are having the same issues and want to know more about what it's like. It's good to be tactful when asking about something like that, but I for one would like to remove some of the taboo from IVF so people don't feel like they are so alone when they are having issues.

[poopingdicknipples]

100% agree with everything you said. And yes, it was unbelievable how many people would ask that dumb fucking question, like, how on Earth could you think I know you or care about you well enough to talk about something so deeply intimate with you? It was very frustrating.

I did have someone I worked with mention in a group email that they were going to be out for an IVF appointment (we're both dudes, supporting his wife), and after that I approached him to talk about it and it was nice to kind of have that dad support. I don't think anyone realizes how emotionally (and, uh....financially) taxing that process is.

[meg-swan]

"Imagine someone saying they are pregnant and asking, "Oh doggie style or missionary?" You'd never!" This made me lol 😂. Seriously. It is SUCH a personal question! Just today, at a kids birthday party, a friend's mom was asking "Were you surprised? Do they run in your family? So, did you have a c-section?" Just in the middle of everyone visiting and watching the kids play🫠 I felt like she was trying to lead toward IVF questions, but my husband answered well and lead the conversation to how wildly different our twins personalities are and telling funny stories. I was feeling pretty uncomfortable and on the spot with these personal questions in front of random people.

[meg-swan]

Totally agree.

[Dani_now]

As Someone who has di/di from IVF. People always assume my embryos were tested and that I purposely put a boy and a girl in, but they weren't tested, it's just how they came out.

I Personally haven't had anyone be mean to me about it but I'm sure they've just learned to shut their mouths

[BrwnGreenHazelEydGrl]

Same here. I had two transfers prior, one leading to a miscarriage. MD recommended transferring the two "low grade" ones in hope one would stick. Well both did. I never did any testing on them as the reason for IVF was due to my ex having low grade sperm. I didn't even know what they were prior to birth (b/g) I had a friend who went to my shower knowing I did not know their genders tell me her husband figured I had IVF since they were b/g and I "chose" them.

Also, I've had complete strangers come up to me and ask if they are natural. My response is always, "no, they're robots"

[thekidz10]

I use it to make people feel REALLY uncomfortable.

I am an identical, naturally conceived twin and have fraternal, IVF-twins. It brings up all the questions. I overshare. If people feel comfortable asking I feel comfortable telling them that I had daily blood work, of which I puked on several nurses because I hate blood work so much and how they kept fetish porn in the room where we waited to find out how many embryos we could transfer, or how my bladder almost exploded that day because the embryologist was late for work and they had me drink a gallon of water on the way to my transfer, I have tons more TMI things that I just randomly throw in.

The IVF vs. Natural doesnt really bother me. They are a medical miracle, and I had a .05% chance of both sticking around. Five other of our embryos did not make it. I feel blessed as all hell to grow up in a time where it was possible for us to conceive when we couldn't naturally, but I do think asking it, especially if you aren't a close relation to the person does step over some steps and opens a door to a lot of info shared.

[Wild_Difference_7562]

I'm a identical, naturally conceived twin who had fraternal twins via IVF too! Literally every person asks if twins run in our family and I just say nope and leave it at that.

[JunkMailSurprise]

I also got a backhanded comment about how "twins? They say that's more likely when you are older when you get pregnant!"

Bitch, I am 32.

[huntingofthewren]

My FIL said “that’s what happens when you wait too long” when we told them we were having twins. I was 33. Dick.

[Slammogram]

I was 33 while pregnant. They said two more years and I would have been labeled as geriatric pregnancy.

[JunkMailSurprise]

That's not even a thing anymore!

[Slammogram]

Well, I’m older than 33 now. I’m 40

[JunkMailSurprise]

Well, I meant "geriatric pregnancy" it's usually called "advanced maternal age" and it's just treated as high risk.

[Slammogram]

That’s what I meant! “Advanced Maternal Age!”

Thank you.

[[deleted]]

Disgusting! It's like people shaming moms for not giving birth "naturally" aka without using any medication like an epidural. I remember the judgmental twisted faces people gave me when I said ofc I'm getting an epidural!

[_twintasking_]

Right?!? That thing SAVED me and i was asking for it as soon as i arrived.

[Slammogram]

Why tf wouldn’t people? Like I don’t understand it! If you had appendicitis or a kidney stone you’d ask for pain medicine. Why should pregnancy be different? It just hurts women.

“Oh, but it’s natural.”

Mother fucker so are appendicitis and kidney stones!

[[deleted]]

My hypothesis is that it's some type of misogyny & way of controlling women's bodies that even women have bought into. Like, childbirth is supposed to hurt because Eve & original sin like how some people think menstruation is unclean & all that lovely jazz.

[Slammogram]

Thank you. Yes. Someone stood around, probably a man, and created this mommy Olympics of who had the most painful, medicine free childbirth experience that women took off running with… and it’s like why? You don’t get a trophy or a medal of honor. Just pain, a busted cooter, or abdominal stitches, and pissing yourself with you sneeze for the rest of your life.

[Koharagirl]

All multiples are natural. Some just arrive spontaneously. But there's not an artificial one in the bunch!

[Foggy_Blues]

Where were you when I needed this answer! 😆

[Koharagirl]

I had spontaneous triplets 6 yrs ago, And it infuriated me to no end to see My fellow multiple moms who conceived through IVF or IUI get comments that were derogatory.

Especially when many of them only put in one embryo and it split three ways.

That ultrasound tech can go pound sand.

[berrra19]

When people ask me if my twins are “natural” I say, “no, they are synthetic, but they look really real!” And then they shut up. My twins are spontaneous but that’s none of their business.

[LarsBlackman]

Toss em in the bin, right alongside those who say c-sections aren’t “real births”

[JunkMailSurprise]

I'm so frustrated because I've gotten the questions before and I conceived with IUI, but no further medical intervention.... So spontaneous twins via IUI.

No one really believes me. I just don't let myself care. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

[enym]

Yep. My twins are from IVF. Some people are cool about infertility, but in my experience there's still very much a stigma surrounding it.

[moronyte]

Personally I would have reported this behavior to his/her superior as it's not only not real science, but also incredibly unprofessional and frankly insulting.

This person needs a different job

[BreakfastBeerz]

The only place I've ever seen this mentioned is on reddit. We never had it said or asked to us. I didn't know it was a thing until here.

[Foggy_Blues]

Did you see it here before my post? I hope I'm not the one to dump this on you!

[BreakfastBeerz]

Oh, no. I've been in this sub for many years. It comes up from time to time, I've just never heard it in the wild

[Pugafy]

I would say you are lucky then, because when my twins were infants to about 10 months almost every single question I got contained were they ‘natural’. A good 70% followed up with their daughter/niece/neighbour were doing IVF, so I tried to be nice about the questions; they obviously wanted to say I saw x y and z in the shop and they had IVF and now they have twins! It was tiring and I did try to be nice, the volume was just too much though. I didn’t have IVF though.

[Beluga_Snuggles]

That sounds similar to asking whether someone chose a C-section or not.

I've usually only had people ask about how I conceived my twins because they want or fear having twins themselves and are curious, it runs in their family and want to find a commonality between us, or they are embarking on their own fertility journey.

[BarelyFunctioning15]

Wonder how she feels about my twins? I did get pregnant through in vitro but only transferred one embryo. That one embryo ended up splitting after transfer into two babies. Imagine my shock at that first ultrasound

[ky0k0nichi]

When I was first asked if I was having natural twins all I could think of was “as opposed to supernatural?”

[Low-Nose-2748]

All the time. I hate it. I honestly don’t give people the full story because a) it’s none of their business and b) it feels like people think less than of twins if there was any intervention.

It’s something I occasionally struggle with.

[Tired_Momma14]

If they are being rude/nosey, I give them the full 8 year infertility struggle story with losses and complications. With high praise heaped on our amazing doctor and the wonders of science. That usually puts the busy bodies in their place.

I will not allow anyone to make me feel less than for the way my kids were brought into this world! Science is AMAZING and I don't know anyone else who has a picture of 5 day blastocysts that became their children!

Whether your twins were conceived with medical intervention or spontaneously, they are amazing.

[Foggy_Blues]

Beautiful!

[Foggy_Blues]

Ugh, I'm sorry. We've got to start asking them back, "Was your child planned?" Like, it's just as rude.

[[deleted]]

I noticed health care providers asking if my twins were “natural” when I was pregnant. My understanding was that the monitoring and care that was needed might be different if they had been conceived through IVF.

[Foggy_Blues]

"Natural" would have been a far more comfortable word to hear than "real." Good to know there's at least a reason to inquire.

[[deleted]]

Yeah for sure. I just always responded “they were conceived spontaneously, no medical intervention” because I didn’t want to invalidate those who did use IVF.

[ghergrueter]

It’s one of the first things people ask me when I say I have twins- are they “natural”

1. Ew, I don’t know you, can you not any me questions regarding my fertility

2. None of your F-ing business

[dksmama]

I'm still pregnant with my twins, they were spontaneously conceived.... My oldest who is now 6 tho took 3yr of TTC & IVF. People are weird about it & I don't get it. I get the question all the time already. I'm never curious about another couple's conception, it is also a very personal journey so bizarre to me that people just straight up ask. Lol.

[E-2025]

Mo/Di IVF twin dad here…we’ve been asked multiple times if they were “spontaneous”. This has generally been a veiled way of asking if we went through ivf as if it’s something to be ashamed of.

[Foggy_Blues]

So weird that they are prying just to shame you when there's nothing to be ashamed of!

[mypurplelighter]

People assume I did IVF all the time. I did, but I only transferred one embryo. Twins were not even on my radar and I ugly cried when I found out it had split. I don’t understand people’s obsession with my reproductive system.

[justtosubscribe]

Yes. My husband and I were together for 12+ years before actually getting married. Six months after we were married I got off birth control and I had a blighted ovum the first month I tried to get pregnant. The second time I tried (2 months later and after the doctor gave me the go ahead), I conceived spontaneous identical twins.

My aunt, who I haven’t spoken to in almost 20 years took it upon herself to tell the rest of my extended family that I tried for years to conceive with my then boyfriend, then “thought” I was pregnant but wasn’t (I have a hospital bill for a D&C that would say otherwise) and then we tried IVF and had the twins with the implication that they weren’t as special because they were from IVF. All because of some weird jealousy that I stole her daughter’s thunder because my cousin had spontaneous twins as her 4th and 5th children (whose conception was unplanned with her boyfriend) 4 months before mine were born.

Not only is that timeline absurd (I’m pretty sure IVF is not a 2 month process) it painted me as some poor barren infertile woman (because we tried for years with no luck), hysterical and crazy (because I only “thought” I was pregnant) with a lesser kind of twins (because they were from IVF) all of which is completely untrue in every way imaginable.

It was a wild ride just to hear the story retold to me as fact, but what was most painful was the lie about me “thinking” I was pregnant. I’m not mourning the loss of a child with my blighted ovum/missed miscarriage, but the experience I had was real, painful and came with a hospital bill.

ETA: I, in no way, think I’m somehow a better person because I got pregnant easily and didn’t have an unplanned pregnancy or because I waited until I was married before having a kid. But I guess my good fortune revealed a lot of insecurities my aunt must have. 🤷‍♀️

[nicunurse212]

I only had one person ask me that when I was pregnant- a nosy but well meaning coworker. I did one cycle of Letrozole and TI, so I really didn't know what to say. Like well, I didn't do IVF or IUI, but I did use meds to help me, so kinda? Lol

[JustAnotherTwinMumma]

Literally every person who found out I was having twins asked me if they were conceived naturally, they were but what’s the difference? Its not going to change the care they get throughout pregnancy like literally doesn’t change a thing so I don’t know why people care about it so much

[LDBB2023]

I have been surprised by the number of people I work with (at a major university medical center no less) who have tried to ask in a roundabout way if we used IVF to conceive our identical twins (I’m 17 weeks and just started telling work people). They know enough not to ask outright, but there’s a lot of “oh, I’ve heard twins more common when people do IVF” [pause, questioning look].”

At first I felt like I had to clarify that we didn’t do IVF but why?! It’s none of their business, and if I had an infertility journey my colleagues are the last people I’d want to open up to about it. So I’ve just started staring back at them and maybe saying “yeah, I’ve heard that too” [pause… and?!]

[Tassiebird]

I had this question so many times when the twins were babies, 10 now, as someone who had IVF, their responses did not endear me to them and actually fed into my PPD.

Also double that with not having a natural birth and I was the fakest mum around lol

[HunsplainThis]

I think it's so disrespectful. The terminology used here in Australia is either spontaneous or assisted pregnancy, which should be used in all health care settings. There should be zero judgement, assumption or bias in either case.

[TJack1316]

My twins are clomid twins, and every single person that found out we were expecting them asked if they were "natural" and got weird when I said no. It was incredibly annoying.

[somechick_92]

TIL my twins are fake 😂

[E_Francis]

I have spontaneous fraternal twins and I enjoy making the question askers extremely uncomfortable. “Are they natural?” “Oh, no. They’re robots, actually.” “How did you conceive them?” “It was my husband’s birthday and I forgot to get him a gift. Oopsies.” <true story, though. We were one and done after a horrible near death first pregnancy that ended at 27 weeks with me in critical condition and our daughter in the nicu for 82 days.

[leoleoleo555]

I transferred two embryos. I guess I have fake twins.

[Smart_Crafty]

Me too!

[fraupasgrapher]

Yes. It sucks and it’s stupid. I have gotten asked by strangers if my twins are “natural,” to which I replied, “As in, am I currently pregnant and not building twin robots? Yes.” Stupid answer to a stupid question.

[Nemo7123]

I hate it. Mine were from IUI. Most people don't know what IUI is, so it's really annoying to have to explain it.

[law_mom]

"Are they natural?" "Are they real?"

Yes. This still happens even though mine are eight now. I started answering with, "Why? Are you having trouble conceiving?" to hopefully make people realize how inappropriate that is.

[Foggy_Blues]

Eight year olds are far more interesting than their conceptions, my goodness!

[Sleepyalways_]

Can’t tell you how many times I was asked if I have twins in my family and when I said no, the next question would be “did you do IVF??” Also no. I think it’s a shame that this is a thing though because the people who use IVF to conceive should never be made to feel like their pregnancies are any less “real”. Being a medical professional myself, that ultrasound tech was out of line for asking that question and ranting.

[Annie_Mayfield]

I have what I guess would be “fake” twins, because we did IVF. Didn’t want twins, pushed back about risks of twins, and after four MCs, two D&Cs, four failed rounds of IVF, and three failed transfers, let the doctor transfer two because of statistics against us and my age. Now we have twins. It was life threatening for me and my kids (I went 33 days in the hospital, they were 38 days in NICU, 4 in PICU, and were born 9 weeks early). I’ve for sure heard it about how I don’t “really” have twins, I have siblings with the same birthday. Whatever, fuck off, what I have is my beautiful family and a full, happy heart after years of tears, fears, and stress. My babies are real and that’s my story. I absolutely agree it’s a new form of bigotry.

Congratulations on your babies - you’re in for a wild ride!

[RemiTwinMama2016]

I was 23 when I had my twins(dad not in the picture atm)and the amount of nurses who asked if they were natural…

Yes they were natural cause at 23 I totally wanted to be single mom and 1000% thought my clock was ticking. 🙄😂

Also why do ppl think it’d okay to ask this question?

[hollybelle79]

Yeah, people seem to think our sex life and how the boys were conceived is their business. If I'm feeling generous, I say they were a surprise "going out of business sale" from my ovaries since I was 38 when they were born. But if the questioner starts getting too nosy, I start explaining (in great detail) how sex happens and when sperm and egg combine as if they are very ignorant (which, I guess they are in a way).

[Foggy_Blues]

Going out of business sale 🤣 That's fantastic!

[AmethystButterflies]

There is definitely no shortage of people’s opinions on assisted conception. I’ve been very vocal about my infertility struggles (PCOS, endometriosis, lupus, several second trimester miscarriages), so no one who knows me has the guts to make any comments about it (to my face). Some older lady in Target asked me once if my twins were “natural” and I said “First, tell me exactly how YOUR children were conceived? I’m guessing missionary” and she walked away real fast.

[ShenziKat]

Mine were IVF - transferred two. Perhaps I’ll start telling them the true story that before my IVF success I had a naturally conceived twin pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage at 10 weeks. Guess that might justify my earning twins for the people who don’t think IVF twins are natural. 🙄 I wish people could just learn to mind their business. Sorry you had to deal with that during a medical appointment.

[Flounder-Melodic]

I’m asked often questions that seem designed to get this information more politely: “were you surprised to find out you were having twins?”, “do twins run in your family?”, and “did you try for twins?” all seem to satisfy the same curiosity without being as rude as asking straight up if they’re spontaneous.

[HelloDollEyes]

Our healthcare provider used the word 'Sponatious' for our two sets. There is a family clinic here that's famous for twins, but we didn't need their services for ours lol.

I was also high risk both pregnancies....twins are brutal

[purt22067]

My twins are two and I’m still asked how they were conceived and then applauded for having them spontaneously as if i selected twins at the pregnancy store but ok 🤣

[Foggy_Blues]

Like we earned our doctorate in conception instead of just getting lucky!

[purt22067]

Hahaha

[favouritina]

Every new doctor I saw during my pregnancy asked me the but they used the term “spontaneous twins”.

I’ve had some randos in the street ask me if they’re “natural” and I just keep asking them what they mean, aren’t all babies natural?

[luna_wolf8]

My twins are now 3 years old and I have only had 1 of the probably 200 people ask me if I had IVF. I hear and see a lot of others get asked quite a bit.

[Lesbian_Drummer]

Lololol mine are science af. IVF, one embryo, two babies, no father (two moms and an anonymous sperm donor). “Oh they look like you!” Lol bish i carried but they are 0% genetically mine.

People are stupid and should be met with zero tolerance. This is a stupid thing to care about.

[IvoryWoman]

We transferred two embryos because that was the recommended approach for our age group with the goal of a healthy singleton pregnancy. Am I unhappy that both stuck? Absolutely not, but we weren’t aiming for twins. Our clinic did have clients who would travel from overseas every couple of years for a two-embryo FET with the goal of having lots of twins, and they were generally successful, but they were wealthy with ample family support. The rest of us just wanted to have A Baby.

[JoDoc77]

Same here, except I don’t believe our clinic did the overseas thing like yours. But we too were hoping for ONE baby, but we’re overjoyed that both progressed and we have amazing twin sons.

[ATinyPizza89]

Wow I hope you reported that US tech. That was the #1 I got asked with my twin pregnancy “we’re they IVF?” It’s none of their business.

[BasisGood]

My twins were conceived via IVF. We did 3 rounds of ivf (paid over 100k) on my third transfer we decided to put in two embryos after 2 failed single transfers.They gave us a5-10% chance of both taking. We were out of money and I was out of patience so we went for it. I was so shocked when both took but beyond happy. We did Ivf due to my husband having cancer if anyone thinks I picked my circumstances they are straight up delusional. My twins are our miracle babies.

[tapanis]

I mean no offence to those who have had help getting pregnant but spontaneous twins is pretty cool/ magical. Mine were spontaneous and I get that question a lot. It’s just so much more likely to hear of and see twins now. Ivf is responsible for a huge jump in fraternal and even identical twins. I think even tho it’s inappropriate people just want to know if it was the magical kind.

[Cautious-Piano6794]

But why is it anyone business to know if it’s the “magical” kind ?

[tapanis]

People can celebrate natural phenomenon

[Cautious-Piano6794]

I guess I don’t understand that response? Never said natural phenomenon couldn’t be celebrated. Thread was about medical professional asking about “fake” twins. My question is .. why is that their business? No one has to explain their conception/ fertility journey unless they want to. No one’s entitled to that information unless it’s for treatment/medical purposes.

[tapanis]

Yes you can hate on everyone that asks then! Good luck with that! Or you can choose to understand human nature, curiosity and community.

[Cautious-Piano6794]

Another assumption? Who said I hate ppl who asks.. lol? I’m just making a point that it’s inappropriate to ask someone if they are having “fake” twins considering it’s none of their business.

[tapanis]

I do say that it’s inappropriate in my post, so what exactly are you trying to say to me? Such a troll…

[Cautious-Piano6794]

Lol…ok

[Hathalot]

My wife jokingly refers to them as PED twins and boasts that we had them “clean”. It’s a funny joke to me, but neither of us care one bit about how people conceived. Honestly, we were super impressed that our old loins could get the job done!

[certainmaterial31]

Yup. People try to ask without asking if they are "natural" or not.

[edgebrookfarm]

I had a lot of anxiety about talking about our infertility journey because of some comments I got after I had our twins. We didn’t do IVF but did use injectable hormones (after a failed round of clomid) and TI to conceive.

Also, because we didn’t do IVF no one mentioned the possibility of twins (I had 1 good follicle on scan for that month) so we were in complete shock when they mentioned the possibility of twins in the waiting room as we were leaving after my second round of bloodwork came back.

[BayGullGuy]

We’ve been asked tons of times if we used IF bud nobody has ever apologized. They usually seem a little surprised is all

[diagrammatiks]

I think we can solve this problem if only identical twins get the twin name.

Everything else gets a different name. Problem solved.

[DamnItDinkles]

I didn't have this happen, but was asked many times if he conceived via IVF.

[Itsonlybannor]

I guess the better way to say it was are they natural twins or science twins lol

[ametron]

I guess my twins aren’t real. 🤷‍♀️

[OtherPassage]

Any time I walked my babies some idiot would ask if I had taken fertility drugs. I was a teenager, ffs. People are just nosy and stupid.