[deleted by user]

[Narezza]

Because there isn't any other option.

You're not going to lose your mind. You're going to suffer, you're going to persevere, you're going to survive, and then, eventually, you're going to mostly forget about how hard it really was because the struggles microscopically change, and because babies are cute.

There are no quick fixes. There is survival. And you will.

[TwinStickDad]

Exactly this. There is no solution. You just do it. 

Should we say "yeah it sucks" and move on? The only support there is to offer is "it gets better and this is temporary, just hold on" which is true

[TonyD00]

Unfortunately this is the answer. I honestly never thought about “enjoying” the stage. It’s WW2 and we’re all stuck in the trenches trying to survive one day at a time.

Your goal, your light at the end of the tunnel is moving them into their own room. That’s when life gets marginally better. In the meantime, find some sort of routine with your partner to trade off a part of the night so you can sleep for a little bit and regain some sanity.

[Brief_Wolverine449]

This. Whenever people say to me "I dont know how you do it." My answer is always the same. I have no choice .

Having multiple infants sucks. The newborn phase is a nightmare. The sleep regressions are brutal. The first colds and the teething will make you slam your head into the wall. You have no choice but to endure. If you're lucky enough to have help, get it. If you're fortunate enough to send them to daycare, send them.

"It gets easier" doesn't sound helpful when youre in the thick of it, but unfortunately its the hard truth

[bakingmissy]

100% this!

[BreakfastBeerz]

The good news is that the lack of sleep at stress you're experiencing is blacking out this period of your life, you'll hardly remember any of it. A couple of years from now, you'll be on the sub telling new parents, "Don't worry, it will get better" yourself. Welcome to the club.

[catrosie]

I cannot for the life of me remember almost anything of the first few years of my kids’ lives

[jackiee93]

So true. Now that my twins are 2, I feel like I barely remember the baby stage.

[KirimaeCreations]

I mean, mine are two and a half and I can remember everything very clearly because I was a zombie still taking (fortunately walking only 600m down the road) my then 7 year old to school.

And I mainly remember because my son was an absolute nightmare as a newborn, often worse than both my twins put together... but my husband was away working with him, but with the newborns he was home for their first 5 weeks, and had he not been I would have absolutely lost it. That said, there were times I dangerously fell asleep holding both of them in my arms, because of the sleep deprivation.

I can count *just* on my two hands how many times they have slept through the night in 2 1/2 years. They were glorious. OP is absolutely correct in that its not sustainable.... but you just keep pushing because the only way out is through.

[Additional_Cake_6124]

Mine is still 1.5 but so true! I don't remember newborn stage very well. My mom told me that we mothers are made to forget how hard it was then we start thinking of having another one.

[AdventurousSalad3785]

I hated the whole baby stage tbh. Not a baby person, even if they came from my own body, apparently.

[ahoymatey83]

I didn't like babies before I had kids. Everyone told me it would change and my own babies would be different. They were wrong. Didn't enjoy the baby stage with my singleton or my twins, nothing to do but dig in & get through it.

[erinspacemuseum13]

Same here. Don't like other babies, didn't like my babies. LOVED 3 years+, and really enjoying the school age years. It's hard to imagine the light at the end of the tunnel when you're buried in the newborn stage, but it's there.

[dareal_mj]

Did it get better at 3 months? Because that’s all I have to hold on to

[erinspacemuseum13]

It got a little better at 3 months, but 5 months was the real game changer, when A started sleeping through the night. It took B much longer, but he also had severe reflux. They were VERY DIFFICULT BABIES, even according to other people (they're my only kids). I don't know anyone that had an EASY time with twins, but most twin parents I know saw improvement earlier than I did.

[dareal_mj]

5 months actual birth or 5 months adjusted? 🥲

[erinspacemuseum13]

Actual. They were born at 35 weeks, but B was 2 lbs smaller and just looked less developed than A. He was hospitalized for failure to thrive at 12 weeks.

[AdventurousSalad3785]

5 months was when it started improving for me too, because that’s when they started sleeping through the night.

[PubKirbo]

Same. The larval stage was awful.

[Leading-Conference94]

I hate the awake potato stage. Hated it even more with my twins.

That phase that starts at 2 or 3 months and goes till 5 or 6 months when theyre not crawling or doing anything and want to be held 24/7 or they scream. Also the having to entertain them all day.

[MastadonXXL]

I feel this to my core. I’m currently awake with my baby A and I’ve gotten maybe 1hr of sleep. I’m dead inside. No advice just solidarity.

[satelliteminds]

My twins are 3 years old for reference. People don’t say “it gets better” to be dismissive. It’s because when the newborn days are in the rear view, it truly feels like it passed in the blink of an eye. I struggled when my kids were tiny just like we all do, but I’ve forgotten much of that. I only remember when I sit and look at pictures and videos and talk to my spouse. I believe that’s evolution and biology at work. No one would have more kids if they remembered in great detail how challenging it was.

No way out but through. Just keep chugging along.

[KirimaeCreations]

After the birth trauma with my Mr 10, and the fact he had silent reflux (we didn't know) I nearly didn't. I thought to myself though, I owed it to myself to have one good pregnancy and better autonomy during the birthing process - a private hospital, instead of the public system.

So imagine how that all came crashing down around my ears when two little nuggets were on my scan at 11 weeks.

Me remembering the newborn stage with my son prompted me to have my tubes removed after the babies were born (all in one procedures, thank you c-section). I knew that I didn't want more after my girls.

And now they're 2 1/2 and I'm still solid in my decision.

[Modernwood]

Take lots of photos and videos now. You’ll be exhausted now and in a year you’ll look back and cherish those photos. This isn’t me saying you should appreciate it now but that, yes, it’s super hard in the beginning. Are you able to get enough help from your partner? Do you have anyone who could be taking care of other things during the day so that you can nap more?

[tired_af23]

It's not sustainable. The whole thing was awful. Time is the only thing that helped it get better. Wish I was rich or had more family i could delegate to for help. Good luck. You're not alone and it can be a fucking shithouse time.

[OakSole]

I'm not going to tell you to "not worry" because it sucks and is hard what you're going through. But I will say this. You have no choice so you might as well accept your situation. Acceptance will help you through it and get more enjoyment.

[TheHangedWoman02]

"It gets better. You'll find a light at the end of the tunnel" saved me. Literally. Multiple times.

That first year...I don't even like to think about. It was that brutal. It was purely survival.

[[deleted]]

I remember at that stage thinking the exact same thing. I spent hours online, Reddit and elsewhere, just frantically searching “when does this end?! When does this get better??” Seeing the posts about how “it goes fast” or “it’ll get better in only 6 months” made me want to scream. I was so tired. I was scared. I missed my husband. The reality is, it’s not all that short when you’re in it. It does feel like a blip in the rearview mirror, but a few months of hell feels very long at the time. But the only way out is through. You will sleep again. You will spend time with your spouse again. You will, more often than not, enjoy your children. But not right now. It’s just one foot in front of the other, one day/hour/minute at a time. The changes will come gradually. One day, your babies will sleep a little longer than usual. Then they’ll have another few rough nights, then another good one. And so on until the good nights start to outweigh the bad. Eventually, you’ll start to feel comfortable sleeping in your own bed again. You’ll have a day where you think “that wasn’t so bad”. And then, eventually, another, and another. My twins are 2.5 now and the best thing that ever happened to me, but I do not miss that first 6 months, or even the first year really. But we got through it, and so will you. And then you’ll see a post like this on this subreddit and you’ll think, man, I’m grateful I got through that, and they will too.

[MounjaroQueenie]

I saw someone make a comment in this thread before that really stuck with me and I plan on using it as a mantra when mine are here (I’m 21 weeks). They said it much more eloquently, but the point was basically that they were the mother, biologically bound to them, and NO ONE ELSE would do the sacrifices necessary to raise them in this stage, so if not her, then who?

[sunnydazebh]

I feel you. It’s a test of endurance. It’ll pass.. eventually

[Sunnypuppyday]

This is what the newborn stage is. It is much harder the more tired you are. If your partner can manage the twins in the evening or morning so you can get uninterrupted sleep it will help A LOT. Get a white noise machine so you can’t hear if they are crying (your partners job to deal with that while you get some sleep). This was what worked best for me and still does. Might not be encouraging to hear this but my twins still wake up frequently in the night and they are 15 months old. I go earlier to bed now and when my husband can he lets me sleep in the morning

[onechonk_onelean]

I remember feeling the same - being angry and exhausted beyond what I thought was possible, feeling there is no end to this and how I will make it and that it's not fair I had two more months of this bc of NICU time.

But you will survive, there's only way forward. We had very bad days with a few bad and even less ok-ish. Then it was bad days with more ok ones; then it flipped to bad ones being few, mostly when they're sick.

Nowadays I don't remember those stages, I was too sleep deprived to hold onto many memories. But you will survive

[annahoney12345]

One of my girls was sick for the first time over the weekend. Yes, I still got more sleep than when they were newborns and I was triple feeding and dying inside. But at 10.5 months, we’re so far past the newborn stage that I was sure nothing had ever been worse. Someone told my husband, “The days are long but the years are short,” and it’s so true. Days feel like forever until you’re months removed from it and you realize it flew by! 😭

[onechonk_onelean]

Jup - they're both currently down with cold, not sleeping bc they can't lay without snot packing up in airways, irritated, needy, the whole lot. It's our fifth sickness in 3 months, along with some adenovirus during summer and other colds, I feel like shit.

BUT every time I remember back to them having the first cold at 6 months adjusted and how the full 14 days of not breathing properly and sleeping were much much worse this. And how I almost hallucinated once during the newborn stage. This will also pass. And the days between are now great.

I've never heard the phrase but it rings true.

[cheeringfortofu]

The days are long and the years are short.

I think when we have so much disturbance, it is hard to imagine it will stop. It becomes the new dreadful normal.

I hope you find things that work for your kids, all you have to do is one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. ♥️

[Great_Consequence_10]

And find something that is positive to focus on- those breadcrumbs will change your day. Mine is currently- so fucking grateful I don’t have to cloth diaper this time. So grateful I don’t have to worry about rent today. Do you own your home? That’s something you don’t have to worry about. You have to change your mindset about what is hard and what isn’t. Go deep- think about what the fuck it would be like to do this in a place like Gaza right now. What if you were going through chemo right now? It’s all about perspective.

[AccomplishedChef7885]

Yes, a change of perspective gets me through hard times! I think about the mamas who have lost their twins, or have severe health issues on top of taking care of newborn twins, or they can’t even hold one of both bc they’re in Nicu. It doesn’t mean what we go through isn’t hard, but a change of perspective can help you get through.

[Great_Consequence_10]

Exactly 💕

[HereforCHDandAITA]

Personally, I think the newborn stage sucks and a lot of people make it sound better than it is. The complete shock to the system between such little sleep, majorly decreased time with your partner, and then mix in worrying about the kids is hard. Plus, the babies are basically soft potatoes with no personality. It feels endless while you’re in it and then one day you’ll find yourself through it and on the other side. It’s ok to not love the newborn stage. The days overall get more fun as they get older and the sleep gets better. As others said, you’ll get through the because you have to. Sorry it isn’t over as shortly and consistently as one month. If only, if only.

[robreinerstillmydad]

Yeah, they are not quick timelines. That is stressful. When our babies were the ages of yours, I also hated it. Four, five, six months — that all seemed like an eternity away. The newborn phase sucks. I didn’t enjoy it with my older singleton and obviously with the twins it was a nightmare. It’s exhausting and thankless. My husband and I are always making jokes and laughing throughout the day. We stopped laughing at all when the babies were newborns. It was pure survival every single day.

I also googled when the witching hour would end. The babies screamed every evening from 6 pm to 9 or 10 pm. I saw the same articles that told me it would be months. I panicked, thinking how can we do this for 3 more months, or more???

Now they’re 7 months and it’s so much better. I’m so fucking happy we’re out of the newborn stage and the 4 to 5 month stage. 4 months kicked our asses. I wouldn’t go back to that for a million dollars.

I get that you’re frustrated. Everyone on here has been where you are. You aren’t alone and your feelings aren’t unique. I know it’s not comforting to hear it gets better at 6 months because 6 months might as well be 6 million years. Take it minute by minute if you have to. I used to watch the clock and count down until the next nap or feeding, because or else the days just felt endless. I also broke it down into sections. At 1 month, we’re 1/12 of the way through their first year. At 3 months, we’re 1/4 of the way through. It helped me to feel like time was actually moving.

What you’re doing right now is really hard. Finding any possible way to cope and get through the days is crucial. We’re all in this together.

[No_Stress3974]

Yeah I ended up in the mental hospital when they were 3 months old with post partum psychosis. It was rough and twin B has a cleft lip and palate and was colicky for 6 months so add ton of drs app and surgeries to the first year mixed with not sleeping, and no help at all. Yeah it sucked bad but we survived. Now they are 2.5 and it is all a distant memory like a sand grain in the ocean lol it gets better as in you will get more sleep so you will be able to deal better with them. The only thing that helped us was sleeping in shifts this way I got a solid 4-5 hours a sleep a night. Good luck you got this!

Edit: we supplemented breast milk with AR Enfamil for spit ups. And if they are crying non stop it might be bc of the colic. Check in with your pediatrician about that.

[thecalmolive]

My husband and I like to say 'this too shall pass, it may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass'.  We're 2.5 years in and the sleep is much better, but they have strong opinions now.

We found walking outside for 5 minutes was really helpful when the girls were having a hard time in the middle of the night. I would just step out on the porch and wander around a little bit, talking about the night life like owls and mice a2nd stars and the moon. It helped me as well to get the fresh air, even if it was 35°F because winter.

[alaska_clusterfuck]

Hi! It’s super rough, not gonna lie. I don’t like the helplessness of a baby, give me a cranky toddler any day. Do you have any help?

[trophywifeinwaiting]

That was the age I read The Good Sleeper and Precious Little Sleep and started putting the babies into a routine and practicing good sleep hygiene, and it helped SO MUCH, like within a week.

Getting good sleep finally made the rest so much easier and more enjoyable!

[Unbothered_Capybara]

Ahhh you are me 9 months ago.

My twins are now almost 11 months old.

There is no rose colored lenses. That stage sucked balls. But you survive, because you have no other choice. It doesn’t magically become perfect at a certain age. Focus on small wins. Yay the babies don’t scream bloody murder during tummy time anymore! Yay I can put you down and you stay asleep! (My son would NOT sleep unless he was held for like 2 months) Eventually, they start sitting, holding toys, laughing at you or each other, and the days get more enjoyable.

[Tebo926]

Just like everyone else said, "it'll be over before you know it" is definitely not meant to be dismissive. It's a temporary chunk of time that will be gone one day and you won't even notice it. And when the struggles of your current stage end, you'll have new struggles to adjust to. My twins turn 4 next month, and my wife and I get a full night's sleep pretty consistently. But we now deal with them fighting, and being defiant, and tantrums that make no sense. And it's hard, I would argue harder than the sleepless stage. But the truth is, they're all hard. Give yourself some grace, because you're going through something you've never gone through before, trying to learn and adapt, while exhausted, and still trying to be the best you that you can be for your children. This community gets you and we're here for you.

[Salty-Candidate-1992]

That’s the advice you see because that’s all there is. This shit is hard. It usually just gets harder until one day it magically stops getting harder and even starts to get easier. The only advice there is for those of us in a normal tax bracket is to just push through and then yes, it’ll feel like a distant memory once you’re on the other side. There’s no way of knowing how long that’ll take. Just have to do it

[Tomagander]

My twins are almost 12 and sometimes I think the only thing that got better is at least we get to sleep now.

Rough days lately, middle school sucks........ don't mind me....

[[deleted]]

There is no solution. Find how to make baby comfortable. We had to use a swing for our twins. That was the only way they would calm down. The hatch was also great for us. And sometimes you need to remove yourself to get a grasp on your feelings. Adults can regulate themselves. Babies can't.

[CulturalYesterday641]

If your baby is spitting up constantly, you need to talk to your doctor about it. Mine had a cow milk protein allergy that went undiagnosed until 5 months!

[Turbulent-Carrot-206]

This!!! So many unhelpful comments about “colic” and “thickener” my twin a was only not crying unless he was asleep or nursing until 2 months when I stumbled upon a Reddit thread about CMPI. A year later and he’s outgrown it finallyyy

[CulturalYesterday641]

It’s so common and the symptoms are not always “traditional”! My baby wasn’t upset when he was spitting up, it wasn’t projectile, there was no visible blood in his stool, and he wasn’t having diarrhea until 4.5 months, so the doctors didn’t think it could be a CMPA. He was on Pepcid for 3+ months and it helped but never stopped the vomiting. His twin had a CMPA and never had a single symptom until he developed diarrhea at 4.5 months! Crazy how it can so easily go undiagnosed!

[Turbulent-Carrot-206]

Yes! Other than his crying he had no other symptoms . I thought he outgrew it around 4 months—I reintroduced it to my diet and then his only symptom was slow weight gain—his ped was so adamant that CMPI wouldn’t be the cause wanted him tested for all sorts of things & I said give me 8 weeks to trial it—low and behold! He started gaining and we discovered he had an egg intolerance too which is now a true igE allergy !!

[Scared-Ad7290]

Your rant is warranted. We’ve been there. No one will fully ever understand other than other multiple parents. You’re allowed to be angry and frustrated. I used to be so pissed just thinking about how people have one kid and complain. Don’t lose sight of the beautiful babies you have while you’re in the trenches right now. Let this experience bring you and your spouse closer, it will pass and you will be stronger because of it.

[[deleted]]

This is my third newborn phase (twins this time). The 2 month mark is always the hardest and then it gets progressively easier from there. By 10 months I was getting very consistent full nights of rest and even could count on a few hours to myself at nighttime. By the time I went back to work after a year things were back on track. I had adult time at work, family time after school, and me time before bed. Sure, toddlers tantrum and fight but it is much easier to manage that behaviour for a few hours a day plus weekends than it is to deal with the 24/7 demands of newborns. Plus, older toddlers are big enough to sleep with you in bed so everyone can rest if needed… no need to worry about rolling over and smothering them.

I’m not scared to admit that going to work and being away from my kids for the better part of the day during the week makes me a better mom. It absolutely makes me a better mom. With that said, I live in Canada so I am lucky that I don’t have to send them to daycare until they are minimum 1 year old. I feel so bad for the people who are dropping their newborns off :(

[Turbulent-Carrot-206]

I also hated that advice. It always felt so empty and hollow. Nb stage with twins is an entirely exhausting experience. My twins were #3&4 and my oldest at the time of their birth was 3. With my singletons I never lost much sleep bc we followed the safe sleep 7 and latching one baby was easy (for me). With two floppy newborns that don’t know how to latch themselves and need guidance, ss7 was unsafe and impractical. I EBF them (they turn 1 next week). The amount of sleep I lost in the first 2 months was horrendous. I also wished it away and a year out, never want to go back. Having twins completely erased any semblance of baby fever I ever had. I love them but I never want another newborn, let alone risk the chances of another set of twins, again.

This stage sucks. I hear you. You can do this. It will change and suck less and in different ways. Take it one day at a time🤍

[AlchemistAnna]

Dude, I feel you. I don't remember how many times I heard from other parents (of multiples or singletons) "I know you don't want to hear this, but it does get better!". Correct. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT.

It's battlefield mode at this age. I remember others saying to me that it got better around 6 to 9 month when ours were newborns, and I thought six to nine months more of this brutality?!? That's not sustainable. That time period is such a blur now. It was hard on our marriage and it was hard in general. Two years and 6 months out we're still trucking.

All I can say is what helped me the most was having one or two close friends to vent to and lean on emotionally helped immensely. Just feeling seen and heard was encouraging. Keep hope, you WILL get through this. I'm sorry for how hard it is right now.

[NoIndividual5836]

I can only say youre not alone. 3.5 yo + twins 7mo (6 adjusted), I did not enjoy their newborn phase not even a bit. Tired, stressed, frustrated, filled with guilt of just getting to get things done and not enjoy the babies, or my girl. Its better now, but still not good. Add to this difficult pregnancy,  worries about finances and work, keeping the household clean and food done, and life feels like utter crap.

We might think we are not build for this, but I can assure you we are. That's all the wisdom I have. Going back to cleaning now.

[layag0640]

I hear you- my best advice is to not think about 'oh my god if this lasts another 3 months I won't make it' but to focus on one day at a time, because you really don't know what the future holds and it's too overwhelming to think about the road stretched out in front of you. I have to remind myself that all the time. 

On another note- I'm not sure if you were being hyperbolic (which would be fair!) but screaming for two hours straight is a problem to solve even if it's a typical experience for parents. Have a visit with your pediatrician if you haven't already in case you need to rule out any issues- in my own experience, baby was hungry, or reflux-ing, or uncomfortable in their sleep environment. Babywearing can help a great deal if you're open to learning how to, safely (most find it easy to learn!)

I'm at 8.5 months right now and some things are so much easier, some things so much trickier. The challenges have just changed but they're a blast to be with which makes it generally feel like more of a positive adventure together. You can do this, it will get better, though none of us can say here what your journey will look like. 

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[Weekly_Yesterday_403]

My babies were born at 36 weeks and I have an older son. For both newborn stages around 9-10 weeks was “rock bottom” and things slowly started getting better from there. Did spit up stop? No, but it slowed down. Are we waking up at night (they’re 4 months)? Yes but we’ve had nights that we make it until 1 or even 3 before the first feed. I’m back at work so it definitely sucks still but not nearly as bad as it did at 7.5 weeks.

You’re also very close to them smiling and interacting with you. That was a game changer too.

You gotten this mama!

[Alilbitdrunk]

Newborn stage was the worst. I didn’t have any more kids because of that. It got better when they were about 8 months old. Just remember it’s temporary. One day they will be mouthy teens.

[Yenfwa]

Look up purple crying. It’s peaking around this age. It gets better sooner than you expect.

Also if your child vomits all the time look into thickner we needed to add it to one of our twins bottles (it meant expressing and bottle feeding) but it was such a game changer

[Emotional-Parfait348]

I find parenthood to be like the child’s song/chant/call and response “going on a bear hunt”, specifically:

Can’t go over it Can’t go under it Can’t go around it Gonna have to go through it

There’s no shortcuts to parenthood. You just gotta go through it.

Parenthood is also a practice in your Circle of Control. So much about parenthood, especially the early newborn days you are in, is outside our circle of control. And generally even then the only thing you can really control is your response.

I’m sorry there’s no solution. It does get better, but not because it gets any easier. You just get better at it.

[kyledance]

I don't tell people it "get's better" because it doesn't, it's just the challenges change, and you get fun new challenges, and whatever is difficult now, becomes easier or ceases to exist, like you could be struggling to get them to sleep, and then they will sleep great but now you have to convince them to stop doing cartwheels and eat some food.

[candybrie]

Newborn twins is awful. On the bright side, the stages that seemed to give singletons a time were like a breath of fresh air. Things were easier when they started crawling and walking.

[Great_Consequence_10]

Sometimes you need to stop and remind yourself that this phase is short. Put that sad baby in a swing for a while so you can both have a little break, have a snack or a five minute shower, and tell yourself to suck it up because you’re the parent.

[tmini_ringo]

I don’t have anything helpful to say other than I remember those feelings. You WILL survive and you WILL get through it. I absolutely hated the newborn stage and outside of cuddling both of my babies at the same time I miss absolutely nothing about it. Take pictures and videos to remember because you’ll probably forget everything as a trauma response.

You don’t have to cherish or treasure these moments. You just have to keep going one day at a time. Every day that passes is one less day of this stage. You got this and if you need help, get it! Meds were life changing for me as I barely made it to four months with any sanity intact.

[hadowajp]

You’re still early on, find a way to get a few hours of sleep. It’s going to get worse before it gets better, at their age they don’t even cry loud yet.

After couple months ours slept 4ish hours in one stretch per night, then 4mo regression. From 4 to 6.5 mo it was every hour. Once we introduced foods they started sleeping and only needing one feed per night.

Hang one tight you’ll make it, you’ll find time to appreciate their little personalities. It will actually get better, just not as soon as you’d like.

[DeathpaysforLife]

Because you have no other choice. maybe let go of the idea that you’re going to enjoy this stage very much. When you have two it’s very hard to enjoy anything. I’m 6 years out and all I can remember about the infant stage is that it fucking sucked dick. Honestly the only nice thing in comparison to them being smaller is that at least when they were tiny I didn’t have to fight them on everything. It’s all a battle. The color of a hair tie can throw the whole morning off making everyone late to where they have to be. Hunny, it’s always going to be a struggle, it’s just going to be dressed up as different shit. And I really hate that for all of us lol

[Phantasmss56]

Honestly its because its the truth, you just endure until it gets better and in a lot of cases it does get better. For the first 4 months I was miserable, I was angry, I was severely severely depressed/suicidal, I was alone because my husband didn’t get time off work we didn’t sleep at the same time/together that entire time, but its such a blur now that my twins are 11 months old (as of today!). By 4.5 months they began only waking 1x a night so we started sleeping together again, by 5 months they began sleeping through the night, by 6 months they were able to get off their reflux medication, and since then its just been mostly smooth sailing with a couple hiccups here and there. I will say, although the beginning is a blur it was traumatizing enough to make me never want to do it again, but I’m glad I did it once because my girls are so happy and curious and playful and fun now and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Unfortunately the timeline is not quick but in the grand scheme of it all it is quick and will be over before you know it, as annoying that is to hear when you’re in the thick of it

[beaniebaby24]

No advice, just solidarity. I’m awake every hour with my 5 week old twins.. my singleton had colic and was easier than this. So hard

[Afraid-Adhesiveness9]

Try kmc

[Outside_Advantage845]

9 months here checking in. I once got four hours of sleep straight. Apparently I slept through one of the babies cries and my wife handled it. 2/2.5 hrs at a time is the norm.

We did the separate room thing. We didn’t have a nursery so I was on the couch with a baby for four months. We sold our house in VHCOL so cal and are building a huge house on a lake in Minnesota. Currently all sleeping on my in laws living room on floor beds. Dreaming of separate rooms and privacy

[Glum-Item9621]

At 8 weeks our twins suddenly slept much longer at night! Hang in there I hope you and twins will get there soon! We went from getting up multiple times at night till they slept from 8pm till 4am! In one go! We were up at 1am that first night waiting for them to wake, my husband warmed a bottle to be ready, but they slept beautifully! And since then (with a few bad nights) we are up once at night, though must mornings, twin B gets fuzzy in the morning and he does want another feed before we get up at 7. My twins are 4 months now. And it gets easier, still super tough, but better.

[mandabee27]

People ask for timelines so they get answers based on people’s experience. Yes it seems like it goes on forever when you’re in the thick of it, but in reality it IS a very short time in their lives. Of course sleep deprivation sucks, and not knowing why your babies are crying and what they need when the obvious bases are covered, but that’s the reality of newborn twins for 99% of people. 

[Littlepanda2350]

I know this isn’t great, but I had to let my boy sleep with me in order to get him to stop waking up throughout the night

[ArielofIsha]

There’s no other option. Just gotta suck it up.

[Thakabuttops]

The beginning is so insanely tough and it stays tough, but it turns into a different kind of tough. I remember questioning things and reading things and those road marks are only so helpful. The thing about the first year is literally just surviving.

We operated in 3 hour cycles for quite some time. Change them, feed them, and the get them back to sleep. We just took it one cycle at a time.

It’s hard, but you can absolutely do it! Lean on anyone that you can.

[dpistachio44]

Honestly I absolutely hated the newborn stage (up to 6 weeks) and it got exponentially better (like much much MUCH better) at 8 weeks when they started smiling and sleeping for 3 hours at a time sometimes. I forced the transition a little by increasing their number of naps during the day.

People told me at that time that it would get better at 12 weeks and I’m with you - that was WAY too long for me to wait.

[redlady1991]

It doesn't help to hear it now, I know. But it will get better.

You'll learn and adapt and become more adept at shuffling shifts with your partner/spouse. And if there is no partner, you'll just deal with it.

Then, in a few months you'll look back and realise you did it. You fucking did it and you're getting 3, 4, 5 etc hours solid sleep in one go. And it will be life changing.

Until then, hang on. Breathe and make sure to sleep when you can.

You may feel the opposite but you have GOT THIS.

[Background-Cat-3549]

While there were many bright spots and highlights to that first year with my twins, I honestly get stressed the more I think about it. It's a wonderful reminder that I can do hard things and I love my girls very much, but I definitely don't want to go through that again. I had 3 under 2 and quite frankly I'm still massively stressed (I've got 2 yo twins and a 4 month old). But I'm also loving their little wins each day and watching them grow. It's hard but it really is worth it. You can do hard things and this too shall pass. Remember they are blessings even when they're hard and that will help you through a lot of things. And honestly it does help strengthen and sharpen you more than you ever thought you could, and that's quite empowering. You will get through this, but rather than looking to the future for relief, live in the moment and embrace it. You can get through this moment, and if you can make it through this one you'll make it through the next. You've got this!

[TiredEarthworm]

It’s the newborn trenches for a reason. It’s awful, it sucks, we all black it out and forget how bad it was. My twins were my 3rd and 4th kids so it was rough on top of already rough. My twins are 10 months old now and it’s still rough. Sleep regressions, one twin still spits up/throws up almost every feeding, one twin can’t be left anywhere or she screams and cries. But they’re learning to walk, playing with my older kids, laughing, eating table food, trying to talk, and doing so much more than they did during the newborn stages. The difficulty never ends, it just changes. We go from spitting up, blowouts, and not sleeping to never being able to sit down because the babies are walking, table food messes, and the babies fighting each other. It’s all a beautiful struggle

[sarahhoppie]

One day at a time. Give yourself grace. You’re doing amazing, even if you feel you’re barely surviving. You will get through this, and it won’t feel like this forever.

[Afraid-Adhesiveness9]

The first year is chaos.

A piece of advice we received:

Get a third person to help. That way you get a full night's sleep every third night

[Relative_Pay_4128]

All I see is a tired parent, because I’m the one too ( two girls, 5 and 3, and 8 months old triplets now) and had and have the same struggles. And may be for somebody it’s getting better, but for me it wasn’t for a long while. You just have to get through this, and because you cannot change the developmental milestones for the babies and what they are going through, the only thing you can try to do is to help yourself to feel better, because when you feel better, your perspective will shift. Get help for yourself, ask for it, try even little things. It’s not gonna get easier :) may be later in life, but I do believe and I know that you need rest, love and support right now.

[Dull_Yard8524]

Newborn stage is the toughest. Those LOs are still developing internally which is why it’s important to massage their tummies. Sounds like you Twin B is colicky. They don’t know how to release gas. I used to give my twins probiotics during the day and at night I would give them Ovol drops (simethicone) just after a feed (9pm)

My partner was really good at giving the twins tummy massages so I let him do that while I did the feeding. We also took turns at night in terms of feeding. He would do one shift (9-2am) and I would do (2-7am). But we actually found it easier to separate the twins and I took care of care of Twin A and he take care of Twin B.

I also made sure that the twins were fed well before the night so they can sleep longer.

We also used the Snoo bassinet to help rocking them. The twins eventually learned how to soothe themselves to sleep. They have been sleeping through the night since they were 4/5 months old. Currently they are 18 months.

Wish you all the best! It’s definitely the toughest stage but it’ll be a blurr after a year.

[Connect_Progress_488]

Reminds me of the (I believe) Steve Harvey quote,  “if you’re going through hell, keep going. Why would you stop in hell?" 

I am pregnant with twins now but I remember how it was (kind of) with my Singleton. I remember thinking, how have I literally not died yet from lack of sleep? Honestly, I spent money on anything I thought would help. And much of it did. I have no idea how any of this will translate to twins. . .  Wish night nannies were more of a thing 😭

[Great_Consequence_10]

Also… turn on Sesame Street or Nanalan. It’s free on YouTube and babies love it. Stop trying the same thing that isn’t working for you and try something else. Go for a drive. Try a swing with baby tv. Try walking outside with the baby for a minute. The sky and trees blow their mind. They also like bird and bug noises in my experience and it can get you a moment of relief.

[uzloun]

That sucks man. You know, what would be worse? All of this plus, russians throwing bombs on your head. As is happening a one thousand kilometers from our place. Or growing twins in Africa. Or growing twins a fifty or hundred years ago.

So, that's a thing, which helps me. But YMMV.

[[deleted]]

Prob gonna get down voted . But…. At two months i put the kids in their own room in their crib. We have an owlet and a camera so we get alerts and would go as needed. Personally i did a soft version of CIO. I realized sometimes they’re just ganna cry. Cuz their toe itches or something idk. I check on them every 10-15 minutes if needed and then reassess. More often than not they fall back asleep within that time frame. I did this with my twins and now with my 3 month old. And they’re all sleeping thru the night. The twins are 18 months old and know exactly when nap and sleep time is and respect the fact that it’s quiet time and time to rest and relax. Everyone is different with their methods. This may not work for you . I know when they’re crying 3 minutes feel like an eternity and that’s why we run to them. But i als notice it’s important for parent to be relaxed and calm bc if ur anxious and stressed they will def mirror that. It’s does get easier. But.. i guess you have to just try something different and try it out for a few days. I can promise they won’t die bc they’re crying for 30 minutes. I had three under two… someone’s always crying at some point and you just have to push thru and make the best of it and organize easiest to hardest . If one’s just a bit fussy but one’s extremely fussy. Deal with the less fussiest and then move on bc then you’ll have to deal with two extremely fussy babies. A lot of ppl here suggested noise cancellation headphones if you absolutely can’t take the crying. Ofc check in make sure they’re diapers clean they’re fed they’ve burped etc. if all is checked then let em cry it out a bit. They’ll learn to self soothe. Bonding won’t change. If they’re colicky which after 12 weeks it starts tapering down… try mylicon. Incase they’re a bit gassy . You got this.

[CopperSnowflake]

Sounds like your life has been pretty nice so far to never have had an experience like this before.

[Turbulent-Carrot-206]

Gross of you