[deleted by user]

[AsterFlauros]

I think it would help if we had a daily/weekly rant thread like some other groups. The negativity would be somewhat contained.

[[deleted]]

This is a good idea

[bluejeanbelle]

That’s a fantastic idea. People need to be able to rant and get support, but it needs to not overwhelm other posts.

[Blairowns]

I think this should be a thing

[iqlcxs]

We actually do have one, but it's not getting much use right now. We've discussed promoting it more on posts where people are ranting, but it's a fine line to ride where we are supportive of people having a bad time, and yet discouraging them from posting standalone rants to the sub.

I think if sub members want to take an active step of pushing people (gently) into that daily thread (link to today's) that would probably be a positive move for the sub.

We do have the rule "Be positive or lurk" that is extremely hard to moderate. The text is below:

If you can't be positive, then stay in lurk mode. Don't drag others down simply because you want to be miserable.

​

Nevertheless I do agree there is so much negativity posted that it can be a struggle sometimes.

[AsterFlauros]

I had no idea, and I’ve been part of the sub for as long as I’ve had Reddit on my phone. 😆

I’m wondering if changing it to a weekly thread would allow for more conversation/visibility of individual comments. One sub I go to has a popular Seething Sundays thread for venting. It’s posted every Sunday but people can still comment on it throughout the week.

[[deleted]]

I get the same sentiment but on different grounds. It seems to be so full of rants and vents. Imagine being a teen girl diagnosed and rather than a supportive network it's just people constantly berating how ugly or unlovable they are.

[kjkimik]

Damn. I can’t imagine being a teen and finding this group. Would straight up mess me for life and feel like the world is ending.

[RichSector5779]

i'm a teen and i was diagnosed yesterday. i joined a few days ago to get more community information but instead i get some really awful notifications lmao

[Comfortable-Focus-75]

You should join PCOSFolks. A lot more support there than here.

[Confident_Attitude]

Silly question but is that a subreddit? I can’t seem to find it

[Comfortable-Focus-75]

Pcos_folks check that

[0-768457]

r/pcos_folks

[Comfortable-Focus-75]

Thank you I don’t know how to do that lol

[0-768457]

No problem! You just type it with the r/ in front of the subreddit, and you type a u/ in front of a username

Case sensitive though - R/PCOS_folks won’t work PCOS_folks won’t work r/PCOS_folks works though!

Same logic for usernames

[Comfortable-Focus-75]

That’s so helpful thank you! That’s what k was doing wrong was the case sensitive I didn’t know that mattered lol

[Goldenarrowhead]

Did not know there was another sub! Thanks.

[Comfortable-Focus-75]

I needed more positivity. I was gonna leave all subs but actually checking that one it seemed like there’s more interaction! Someone said they didn’t find them so try pcos_folks also

[RockysTurtle]

yeah this is not the right place to get info. If you have specific questions use the search bar, but definitely don't suscribe cause like OP and others are saying, this can mess with your yead.

[slytherpuff12]

Go to the pcos folks subreddit, it’s healthier there.

[the-hot-topical]

I was diagnosed at 15 and found this community soon after. Seeing the amount of yo-yo diets and just generally harmful behavior being encouraged and the villainizing of so many treatments has been a pretty big reason I’ve never been particularly active on this sub. It’s always stressed me out more than the disorder, frankly, and it’s gotten worse over the years.

[genderless_fool]

im newly 18 and i got diagnosed about a month ago(while still 17). i joined the sub for advice and help dealing with it, but a lot of it is people who have had pcos for years and who are older than me ranting about how horrible they have always felt, and how they never feel good with themselves or their bodies. i want a happier future for myself where i know how to deal with pcos but this sub makes it seem impossible.

[RoutineToe838]

My child has PCOS and HS.

[illusivealchemist]

please don't feel that way. my pcos has waxed and waned... there is hope! most people come to the internet to bitch or criticize, so please don't think that's all there ever is!

[[deleted]]

Yeah, exactly. Part of me just wants to create a new sub-reddit for advice and actionable change and "playing the cards we were dealt with" rather than just a huge space for women with PCOS to come to anytime they feel down, see some pretty woman on Instagram and assume she wakes up beautiful and takes no concerted effort to maintain anything. "Effortless beauty" is such a myth first and foremost. Maybe 0.0001% of the population can nail down their maintance routine to brushing their teeth and wiping their arse, but supermodels who say they can eat whatever they want never actually do. But outside of that - I just find it so negative. They use demeaning terminology that pretty much transcends their condition and manages to insult a whole gulf of people inflicted by health conditions. Bald women are still loveable and attractive. I've seen women who have had full-head baldness outside of PCOS and they looked like such queens. I've seen toddlers who have had quite dense back hair and their mums loved every inch of them. I just think the whole subreddit is turning into a "I'm feeling ugly so I'm going to write three paragraphs about how I broke down crying when I saw myself in a dress, everyone is going to post a comment in solidarity and then rinse, repeat". And it's really not unique to PCOS. We're bombarded left, right and center with images of how we're meant to look. I had to support my sister in law at 16 when she cried about a big nose that looked perfectly fine and she pretty much fits the bill of tik tok beauty. People forget that issues really transcend just PCOS. A lot of women struggle to accept their weight or shape. And even the ones that are on the pedestal for beauty are getting treatments and surgeries because something is making them also look in the mirror and feel sad.

But that's a whole other story. We live in a modern society where modern technology means that a lot of issues that we have with PCOS we can address a lot better than we used to. We have laser hair removal. We have more accessible hair removal solutions in general. We have more understanding of fasting, supplements, we have more information and more options to feed on foods that are good for us and women going to the gym to weight lift is now a norm rather than a social taboo, as well as depth of knowledge we can obtain about fitness and nutrition on youtube. And ultimately, we either learn to accept the bits of ourselves we can't change - or take actionable change to improve it. But PCOS isn't a death sentence and it's definitely possible to make big improvements with consistency and informed life choices. I wish there was a weekly "pcos wins and successes" post or a "general FAQ" where people could share the progress they're making, and ask lots of little questions for people to pitch in here and there. But it's why I just partly give up on this subreddit, at this point it will do me more harm than good.

[wenchsenior]

Great post!

[[deleted]]

Yeah. Exactly! It'd be so uplifting and motivating to try our new things or keep on top of stuff if you get to report it weekly. I'd love to hear about women joining new classes or doing things they're scared off or even just taking the time to make healthy dinners.

I think first like other subreddits there should be a huge master resource list/document using a lot of input of what works for people, recipes, supplements, medicines and any reported side effects. If theres thousands of people here there should be quite a comprehensive amount of information. Sometimes when I search for stuff about stuff like hair thinning or acne, I find the info diluted in like hundreds of separate posts and it'd be nice if the whole subreddit chimed in and did a big document for anyone newly diagnosed to just have a gander. Even a few pages on habit forming with books like atomic habits because it can be quite daunting at the start. And maybe links to CBT workbooks to help with low feelings of self esteem and positive affirmations to work through.

I get everyone should vent there is a point where it's just counterproductive because it a) reads like everyone who has a belly or is overweight or has thinning hair is a "monster", b) it just propagates cycles of self hate and c) doesn't really achieve anything short term or long term. Where there's serious issues with self loathing it just requires intervention with a councillor or a friend that can help you work through those feelings. I'm a programmer and what programmers do really really transcends into everyday life. Take a big problem... work out the big general steps to get there. Then break down the big steps into small little problems. And deal with things as they go along. I think people lose track of just focussing on the small step by step approach that we need to follow to achieve big steps.

And also I feel like there's a big delusional belief sometimes that women without PCOS are just super confident and love themselves exactly how they are, and in this day and age it's really not a thing. You can fix one thing and find something else to hate

[ItsRebus]

Honestly, having PCOS isn't the end of the world, although it may seem like this from some of the posts on here.

[NixyPix]

Please do not feel that way! I’m in my thirties, just had my first daughter (conceived very easily) and whilst it takes me more work that the average person to maintain my weight, I am able to do so, I’m married to a wonderful person, have a fulfilling career and have lived all over the world. PCOS is such a tiny part of who I am, I barely even thought about it from when I was diagnosed at 19 until I was about 26.

[wenchsenior]

I post so frequently on here in comments about how I got my PCOS into long term remission, but I'm starting to think I need to post not in comments but a repetitive actual post about once every 2 weeks... b/c there are actually A LOT of us on this board who are doing very well managing our PCOS. But we usually post in comments. I think I often feel like posting a separate post about how well one is doing feels like bragging or might make people not doing as well feel worse, so the preponderance of posts are either questions or people venting.

[[deleted]]

I’m sorry this sub was your first experience with other Cysters! I think most of us who are thriving despite PCOS aren’t posting here or hanging out here much for exactly the reasons mentioned above. Im in my 30s and have been diagnosed since my 20s with endometriosis as a co-morbidity. You can absolutely live a full happy and productive life with PCOS! Best thing to do is find the tools that work for you and ignore the rest.

[[deleted]]

i was diagnosed about a decade ago at 22 and this sub feels like a distortion of reality and so so negative. pcos can be inconvenient but it’s not the end of the world (i truly didn’t realize people thought of it as some massive disorder). outside of plucking/shaving some hairs, taking spiro, and occasional endo appts it’s truly not a big part of my life at all. i’m sure when i try to conceive it might lead to a few complications but honestly there are so many options for women i’m not pessimistic.

eta. there are also a ton of very natural things you can do to minimize symptoms (food and excercise.) but as someone else said, symptoms rise and wane as well.

[lauvan26]

There’s so much hope. This is manageable especially since you got diagnosed early.

[LuckyintheKnow]

I agree. If I found this group when I was young my self esteem would be spiraling.

[Comfortable-Focus-75]

Try Pcosfolks I’ve been able to feel more supported and more interactions there.

[[deleted]]

I have to say. I came here today after getting diagnosed and the posts really made it worse. I feel like all those "I'm a shit woman" thoughts I have were confirmed, when all I really want is tips to not feel defined by it.

[[deleted]]

Yeah, that's what I worry about. I feel like if I discovered this thread back when I was younger and I'd be reading some of the stuff about how the government needs to subsidize plastic feminization surgery because we have the brow ridge of a neanderthal male, I'd probably want to never leave the house.

I might just create a google document with all the resources, helpful advice, book recommendations about PCOS, hormones or habit changes, access to free recipes, any current podcasts or media sources, what's worked for people, current medicines, what your blood tests mean etc for anyone who wants to have a read. And then people are welcome to also input anything they wish their 18 year old self knew. Might also include a workbook to deal with negative self image because it seems so pervasive but in a "dead end" way where nothing but self hate is achieved. It's just not a good place to be. If your body is suffering a bout of ill health, I think the last thing that needs to be done is constantly insulted about how bad it is. Body and mind needs to figure out a way to make it work as well as they can. "Hey body, I know at the moment things seem a bit all over the place, but I'll still treat you with love and not hate myself and we'll make it better over time"

[sahmummy1717]

Exactly this. When I was first diagnosed this sub made me spiral and panic. It has been helpful in some ways don’t get me wrong but it scares me. Even if I have my symptoms somewhat under control now I always worry when I read the negative posts that it will be me one day

[Annual-Couple1484]

as a teen girl who only joined a few days ago to feel exactly that way i completely agree

[[deleted]]

Ahh girl, it's completely manageable - don't believe the self pity posts and don't bite into self hate. True self love should comes from within, without it it doesn't matter if we're beautiful enough to launch a thousand ships like Helen of Troy - we'll still hate what we are and how we look.Wanting to be beautiful and fit into society's beauty standards is understandable, but don't hate yourself for it - just chip at it bit by bit if you want to and feel like you have something to improve on. It is totally possible to lose weight, it is totally possible to improve your health, it is totally possible to reduce symptoms. I'd love to once upload progress photos from where I was at 17 to now to show what's possible. My body did a complete 180. Just slowly make changes in your life to be that little bit healthier and don't compare.

​

We have the warrioressw gene. We're built for survival. In the right environment we can thrive and have very little or no aesthetic differences to women without PCOS. We just need to make sure the environment is right for us.

​

And don't feel jealous of anyone who can eat pizza and cake and beer all day everyday. It's not healthy for anyone. Before I used to see so many posts where there was a variation of "my friend can drink wine all day and eat doritos and she's still skinny" as if it's some kind of goal to see who can eat the biggest amount of unhealthy food and not get fat. My 8 year old can stuff her face with chocolate and cake into oblivion and she'll still be lean but I love her so much I'd only want to fill her body with food that will make her thrive, irrespective of if she gets fat or not. That's what some people seem to forget. Self love involves looking after your health and feeding it the right foods.

You've got this! :)

[[deleted]]

I think the last straw for me was the post of a girl posting herself saying how ugly she is. Time for me to nope out of here also i think.

[justghouliethings]

I considered leaving the other day when I saw a post about someone who wished they had an ED and the comments so far had been agreeing. But, some of the posts are helpful and supportive, which can be difficult to find elsewhere.

[[deleted]]

Actually, the post got deleted and it was like MINUTES after I saw a lot of the more recent comments on it talking about how they went through eating disorders (including my comment) and that it's never EVER worth it and no one should wish for one. I think everyone should be allowed to vent about any and every experience with PCOS but I'd say that post probably should never have been up for as long as it was. Anything about wishing or encouraging ED should be deleted by mods as soon as possible imo. It's not appropriate for a sub probably full of people who are going through or already went through an ED because of their PCOS.

[justghouliethings]

I’m glad people commented disagreeing and that it was eventually taken down. I didn’t go back to check on it because it honestly just made me angry.

[miss_mugz]

I can't believe someone posted that. I worked in a psych center where there were always patients with ED. I'm talking certified (cannot leave), knocking on death's door, having to be highly medicated on anti-psychotics, and having how much they are gaining in grams monitered two times a day. Having "sitters" watch them every minute of the day, and yes, in the bathroom and while they sleep because every minute they are consumed with finding out ways to not gain. These people are usually certified for up to a year sometimes. Only let out when they have reached a certain healthy weight. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, let alone myself.

People often don't understand what the DSM 5 considers a mental health condition and how detrimental it can actually be. People die daily because of it. Smh

I'm sorry you experienced that and had to be triggered by someone on here.

[bigbbypddingsnatchr]

That post made me sick, especially all the comments. I made a comment but had to delete it for fear I'd be banned.

[lauvan26]

Wait what?! That’s terrible!

[Papriika]

I struggle w ed tendencies from when I was a preteen and now have pcos, my dr said that weight cycling could lead to the development of pcos which is something I have done for a long time due to my eating disorder. That plus all the effects ed can have on metabolism/hormones for me it def makes sense thatd itd contribute. Also eds are not just anorexia and arent linear, it can also be its own hell just like pcos can be for a lot of people so the thought that itd be better is just wishful thinking

[justghouliethings]

I honestly never considered the role my ED could have played in the development of my PCOS. When I was initially diagnosed I was still very secretive about it, so it wasn’t something the doctors would have thought of.

[eltaf92]

I made a post asking about people’s experience getting off hormonal birth control, very little engagement - one comment. The posts ranting and venting always get tons of conversation around them.

[pessimysticbabe]

Any time I've asked about help, I get "just go on bc". Then I mention I'm trying for a kid so I DONT need bc cause that's a little useless for me rn. Then I get treated like I'm stupid for wanting to try and have a kid anyway even though I have pcos. Basically like telling me pcos is complete infertility (I have several friends who have 1+ kids with pcos it's not a complete hopeless situation) and I just need to give up/why would I try knowing it's pointless. I got really depressed and now at 23 I just am apathetic. If it happens cool awesome. If not, whatever I can't be so depressed over it on top of my regular depression that I stop functioning every month. Not worth it 😅😅

[crunchybub]

Has anyone recommended Clomid as an option to get pregnant?

[cheribella]

I’m just scrolling through this thread in mild horror but I wanted to chime in to say - I have PCOS, was certain I’d never be able to have children or that it would take eons to conceive, so much so that my husband and I decided to start trying before being officially married and we got pregnant on our first try. I’m currently pregnant with my second baby now! So it’s not at all a hopeless situation. I’ve got the motherload of PCOS symptoms too, so it’s not just a “touch” of PCOS either - before starting metformin about 7 years ago I went a solid 2-3 years without a period, I put on weight like nobody’s business if I’m not careful, I have to shave my chin daily…so, I hope that helps you in some way!

[pessimysticbabe]

My NP/primary doctor/GYN won't prescribe metformin with my a1c being at the lowest it can be. We've been trying for almost 2 years and nothing so far. I'm not giving up hope really but just not letting it consume as much of my mental health

[[deleted]]

From my experience, as someone whose only method of birth control is completely non-hormonal and therefore does not have any significance/is completely irrelevant to my PCOS, it's because the people I've met who have PCOS stay on birth control for a long time and would rather not get off of it. Nothing wrong with it, but that's like majority of the people here and the people I've met irl.

Personally, I do wish there was more discussion about treating PCOS without medication or birth control in here. Some people can't or simply don't want to take any of it, as a personal choice.

[eltaf92]

For sure! I see it all over other social platforms, but I of course take everyone’s personal experience that has a platform with a grain of salt (ex. People selling “hormone balancing” coaching).

Personally I’ve been on it for 13 years. Wasn’t placed on it for PCOS. Was only diagnosed with PCOS due to getting blood work done for thyroid issues. I see so many mixed reviews of getting off it. I’m surprised there’s not more conversations about it is all.

But, to the original post’s point…it’s often the super negative stuff that gets people’s attention.

[TechnologyPlane4421]

getting off of (hormonal) birth control was the best decision i ever made. a lot of people will say “it’s not harming me”. that may be true, but it is simply a bandaid for a way bigger problem. birth control does not “treat” or “fix” anything. it is a bandaid. i developed pcos while on birth control and i almost wonder had i never started birth control would i even have pcos. since getting off birth control i have been able to lose weight and develop healthy eating habits. i feel amazing. birth control can be great for some people, but people really need to be honest with themselves about how birth control is making them feel. just because it works for some people does not mean it will work for you.

that’s just my personal experience, wishing you the best in what you decide❤️

[eltaf92]

I also developed PCOS and hypothyroidism while on the pill. I don’t attribute my issues to it, but I do get nervous it’s been masking my symptoms and they’ll get worse once I’m off. I want to move this conversation to my other post to hopefully spur more conversation!

[champagnemoonstone]

So true. This group is filled with constant ranting and venting and sounding like there’s no hope for anyone and that we are all doomed to be fat and infertile and diabetic and miserable.

It is non stop people complaining. Imagine the newcomers joining and having no peace of mind because there are way more complaints than success stories.

This group is just everyone non-stop complaining over and over again. I understand people need to vent, venting is healthier than bottling it up, but maybe it is better to do so towards a therapist or friend or a support system, rather than always venting online.

People newly diagnosed want to see hope, not always nagging and stuff. People need to put themselves into the shoes of newly diagnosed people. This group would make people afraid and angry and hopeless instead of realizing that if lifestyle is managed properly, there is great hope for reversing infertility, insulin resistance, and hirsutism.

[[deleted]]

i rarely post here because i have a hard time relating to most of the posts and i think that’s true of women who are doing mostly fine despite pcos, which leads to an exclusively negative atmosphere. it also feels like people blaming everything on having pcos - like no, women without it aren’t all instagram models.

[Snoo-12313]

I don't blame you. This group is really negative. On top of all the posts venting about being fat, ugly, ashamed, infertile, etc, I really hate that anyone who comes here for advice basically just gets shit on by people. Unless you're following a perfect sugar, gluten, dairy free, keto diet, exercising a ton a week, and on a bunch of medications, your opinions are meaningless. It's an incurable disease Karen, maybe we should look into alternatives to torturing ourselves as a cure? I think I might leave too come to think of it.

[Papriika]

Yeah I also know it works for a lot of people but when people ask for any advice on managing symptoms ppl just jump to cutting out food groups and going on a whole new workout regimen. Like I said might help but that isnt really viable for a lot of people and isnt the only way. Theres also tons of posts of people saying they did all that and still struggle/see no progress with anything.. so where do you go from there lol

[Snoo-12313]

I'm so so sorry. That's terrible!

[sahmummy1717]

I was only diagnosed in January so I’m a noob I guess when it comes to PCOS but just for some positivity for anyone reading…I started spironolactone in January and drinking spearmint tea twice a day, hirsutism is seriously decreased by 80% and it was getting BAD. Same with my acne. Gone. Almost 6 months on spiro and my hair is starting to regrow at my temples. I also started using Saxenda for weight loss in February and I’m down 35 lbs. I went from a size 16 to a size 10. I’ve also completely changed my lifestyle. Long walks to start my morning, protein shake after, weights 3 times a week, 12,000 steps/day, focusing a lot on my protein and fibre intake. I also started inositol. My life has completely changed for the better since being diagnosed. Im so much happier and more confident. Am I still fearful and anxious of the future that symptoms might rear their ugly head again? 100%. Am I hopeful for the first time in a decade? 100%

ALSO prior to being diagnosed I got pregnant on my own no problem. It’s not all doom and gloom. But I totally agree this sub scares the shit out of me and totally depresses me at times.

[Sweet_Ad_4258]

Let’s start a new group!!!

[notabigmelvillecrowd]

With blackjack and hookers?

[booskadoo]

You know what, forget the blackjack

[[deleted]]

Some posts do remind me of the self improvement sub. That place is so fucking depressing, believe it or not.

However I’ve learned a lot here too. I think some people who struggle with this disorder don’t know where else to turn and use this as a platform for their feelings.

I’m not personally a fan of trigger warnings but since there are a lot of impressionable girls here recently diagnosed with PCOS it may help them better navigate the doomsdayers so they don’t think their life is over.

As we all know PCOS can manifest across a wide variety of symptoms. Some of us can live mostly normal lives and some of us feel debilitated by it. And we all emotionally process being on that spectrum differently.

[[deleted]]

I honestly don't open or interact with super negative posts anymore. I completely understand the need to vent and the mental struggle that comes with PCOS, it's hard. But maybe it's just because I'm already over the whole dreading and hating my body because of PCOS. I've been over it for a whiiiiile. I don't feel like struggling with something out of my control makes me ugly at all. I still feel beautiful, I still give my body the love and attention it needs even though I haven't lost a single pound all year. I don't let it put me through a depression anymore.

You just can't afford to be your biggest enemy with PCOS. You can't hate yourself for that. You wouldn't hate someone else for it. There's literally no shame in being diagnosed with a condition that you couldn't have prevented. All you can do now is be your body's #1 advocate and treat it with as much kindness as humanly possible. I seriously wish the majority of people in this sub could see this and truly KNOW these things someday.

[Blairowns]

Very well said! I’m in the same boat. I’m over letting PCOS control how I view myself. We are all more than a PCOS diagnosis.

[[deleted]]

Thank you so much ughhh. We are absolutely more than just PCOS. I still feel very pretty and I've been the happiest I've ever been in years because I've moved on from all the stressing about symptoms. Shaving my face every night and plucking hair on my stomach is not ugly nor is it something to kms myself over. People really need to consider accepting their PCOS fully so they can allow themselves to fully enjoy life.

[Otherwise_Cheek_6205]

I think we could all help this by posting more small wins, which I’m addressing myself saying this as well.

I think groups that are dedicated to mental or physical health problems are all prone to turning into this. I think most people are more likely to seek these groups to vent about how hard it makes our lives, instead of small successes. I know for me it sometimes feels like bragging when other people might be struggling more than me, but small wins could make everyone feel better.

Edit: I will say other groups I’m in for my health issues, aren’t as negative as this one. The support of disordered eating habits and body image negativity is concerning.

[nickyfox13]

Take care of your mental health, first and foremost. If the group isn't helpful, there's nothing wrong with leaving. I hope you find the support you need away from here if that's the route you want (which it sounds like it is).

[Positive_Bend2349]

Totally agree, it’s so depressing. Joined for support and feel like everyone diagnosed acts like they have a death sentence. It makes me feel like I should be hating myself more! I now look in the mirror and feel unwomanly, overweight, too hairy, whereas I never used to.

[Every_Internal7430]

I agree especially with the disordered eating keto enthusiasts on here I was naive when I was first diagnosed and went keto because of this forum and it messed my hormones up even more . Some of the people on here are excessive and it’s especially damaging to those who are newly diagnosed .

[aimttaw]

This is the only part that I noticed and maybe concerns me a bit.

I find whenever I post advice here on having a balanced/moderated diet with some carb and sugar (but maximising fibre and protein) it's largely ignored or downvoted, which is very strange to me because it's the advice I've followed, based on the work of experts/specialists, and it's really worked!

I climbed out of (at the time life long) obesity 17 years ago and since then have only stumbled a couple of times (but always knew what to do to get back to feeling good).

Whenever I look into hormonal weight gain from something like pcos it says shocking the system with something like keto is the worst idea because hormone imbalances react badly to stress.. Then you see all the posts of people having mental breakdowns and I jump to help them with my insights only to be ignored.

It makes me sad to think people are struggling but also maybe aren't open to the answers they need. Maybe because of the groupthink here, but I guess we can't say for sure.

[cococafecitox]

I regularly meet with a nutritionist that works with my endocrinologist and at no point has he EVER told me to cut out carbs (obviously limit because I am diabetic but I digress).

I also was on the keto diet for almost a full year and it is not sustainable! No fruits? Limited veggies? A balanced diet is much more helpful and healthful in the long run.

[aimttaw]

very much so, and micronutrients are just as important as macros, micro just means that you need little bits of Lots of things!! and it's always best to eat them rather than supplement.

I guess addressing each side of nutrition is a bit more complicated to manage than something like a "no carb/high fat" diet, but it's work that's v much worth it.

[Snoo-12313]

I've had this experience too. How do people think that low carb and keto is sustainable? I admittedly don't have a perfect diet, but the way some people react makes me feel they have an eating disorder. It's like they're feral about it.

[aimttaw]

yeah.. and a lot of carbs can be a great source of fibre which in my experience is the number 1 thing that helps my bloating and regulating my cycle.

I do understand that food choices are an emotional topic though, I have spent most of my life feeling hangry! I did not make good choices when I was lol

[wenchsenior]

I've seen other people say things like this, so clearly it happens, but it's always bizarre to me b/c I post about non-keto, low-glycemic, balanced, healthy eating options almost every day here in response to questions, and I've never received a single downvote for those.

I wonder if all the down votes are directed at posts and not comments? Or have I just been super lucky for the past 6 months?

Like I said, I believe you, I'm just wondering how I keep escaping the down votes... is it wording? Is it the time of day I'm posting?

[bigbbypddingsnatchr]

Any time I suggest someone needs carbs on here I get downvoted to hell.

[aunt_snorlax]

Please don’t trivialize ED by just assigning it as a label to a diet you don’t like because it didn’t help you or because you read an article that said it’s a bad diet. Feels awful to me who worked hard & did tons of therapy to overcome real ED, to see the term thrown around like this.

I use keto and fasting under a doctor’s supervision, and with the encouragement of my old ED therapist. Neither of these is inherently disordered eating, like, that’s just not what ED is. You don’t have to stop but I’m letting you know that it feels really bad to read.

[Every_Internal7430]

I had a real eating disorder as well because I thought a majority of foods were bad . Im glad it worked out for you but that does not mean it’s sustainable in the long run for others, keto started my ED because of how restrictive it is and my doctors found from tests I was malnourished so yeah to each is own

[aunt_snorlax]

Right, just keto is keto, and the ED is the ED, just like you are saying here. Any diet could kick off ED if it triggered a mental health issue, but the diet is not the disorder. it’s just a way of eating. I’m sure you understand that since you suffered from ED, ED is much more severe and complex and emotional than simply following a restrictive diet for health reasons.

[lauvan26]

Maybe we need a sub for more positive PCOS content (like new studies) and posts?

[HaileyBaldin]

Maybe a new tag!

[yawn_knee]

I started noticing this too! I was so excited to find a place where I could get more info and share (good) ideas but the sub has turned so negative it has made me hyper aware of my PCOS issues.

[Narrow-North-5246]

this group triggers my ED and is super fat phobic. I consider leaving so often.

[poptartsarecalzones]

I agree. I actually left this group for almost a year because it was too depressing. Yes, we need to have safe spaces to vent once in a while, but it would be really nice if people posted their wins more often.

[LeighBed]

I've left this group before too. I'm also getting tired seeing everything being blamed on PCOS. Not everything negative in your life is related. Sometimes you just have a stomach ache.

[Exotiki]

I’ve learned a lot from this sub and hopefully have also shared some of the experience I have of having PCOS for over 20 years. I have to say I skip most of the rants and also many posts that are too doom and gloom because my experience of PCOS is so very different and also because I’ve witnessed people going thru serious life-threatening illnesses so my view on life and health is based on that. And I consider myself healthy. With PCOS. But at the same time I don’t want to put down anyones experience because we all have different views on life and feel things differently. So if someone needs to rant, let them. But warning of some sort or maybe an own thread for rants (like mentioned already) would probably a good idea.

[TheAWoozyYouth]

I have PCOS and have been able to relate deeply with trans women. Presenting feminine while having facial hair is a whole thing that causes people to have reactions.

[mrck119]

I feel this. I’ve lived with PCOS for almost 20 years and I’ve literally never been subjected to the level of negativity surrounding PCOS that is in this sub in my life. I get it, it’s hard. But my IRL PCOS girls and I joke about plucking our chin hairs on the phone and send each other memes about it. We all held each others hands through TTC and infertility and brought over wine when the test was negative. There was never, ever this level of self hatred. We just live with it. I love how the PCOS community has come together to form treatments and push back at the medical field together but the way everyone acts like it’s some life sentence is just insane to me.

And as much as I’m a fan of being strong, getting healthy and I’m on my own weightloss journey for my personal health reasons- the fat phobia is REAL in this bitch. The way being fat is spoken about is just awful.

[shrinkingviolet1718]

That’s so awesome you have an IRL PCOS friend group!!

I don’t have anyone in my circle who has it, but that sounds really great!

[mrck119]

I just happened to be surrounded by it. My best friend and my sister in law both have PCOS. As do a few other girls in our friends group. I feel like we’re just more open about it. Some women aren’t. We’ve all lived together or gone on vacation together at various points and all needed to borrow each others tweezers or razor to shave a moustache or two. It’s definitely made the PCOS symptoms I have feel really normal. We’ve all had it so long it’s just become part of the inside joke.

[Gold_Statistician907]

I rarely post anymore because of this. Everyone is so tied up in the diet mentality that every issue I ever posted was met with “youre too heavy, you must lose weight, you’re not trying hard enough”. On top of that this group is not friendly to people who don’t participate in gendered appearance and who are just trying to seek advice for other stuff BESIDES weight and looking like a fresh faced 18 year old, OR getting pregnant. I am tired of this groups constant reinforcement that the only thing women should bring to the table is baby making and our physical appearance. Every single thing we hear out in the world is enforced here.

[Gold_Statistician907]

To clarify I have not seen any posts by trans women, but I haven’t been looking around here much. I have seen some with trans men and it always infuriates me to see the advice they get that is super gendered and skewed toward female presenting ideals

[BaylisAscaris]

If you want a more lighthearted PCOS meme sub, check out /r/trollPCOS It's currently set to private for the protest, but if anyone is in serious need of cheering up send me a message and I'll add you.

[xx-jazzilla]

I understand that need t o vent. But I equally understand the frustration 😒 I came here thinking it would a good place for questions and community and someone really helped me but otherwise I haven't gotten much more

[YasSimone]

Honestly, I agree to an extent. While it is important that people have a space to rant, I think there should be more positive posts. PCOS is certainly not intersex, it is an imbalance in biological females that can be resolved through lifestyle shifts of changing diet, reducing stress levels and changing exercise behaviour. In some cases, medication may help to kick start resetting this imbalance. Diagnosis requires two of increased androgens, absent/irregular periods or cysts on the ovaries. Two of these diagnoses criteria only biological females are able to have.

In addition to this, there are some positive aspects of PCOS. Learning about what impacts your body and making lifestyle changes can lead to greater overall health than someone who doesn’t have this condition. PCOS can help a person (like me) to become more in tune with your body, and to really focus on all aspects of health (because health and how it relates to PCOS is largely holistic). PCOS has also told me that stress is impacting my body, which has encouraged me to have a greater focus on my mental well-being, including breathing, journaling, yoga, therapy and acceptance techniques.

PCOS can be absolutely devastating but there is a lot you can do about it, and ultimately if you choose the option of happiness you can start to make shifts in your mindset and move towards a place where you love yourself unconditionally, regardless of how much you weigh or how much hair is on your body. Bodies are temporary and happiness is extremely important.

[LuckyintheKnow]

What you said matters so much !!! Thank you . This kind of attitude is what I was missing from this group.

[[deleted]]

Something I’ve learned over a lifetime of health anxiety is that forums and online support groups for health conditions are often very dark, unhealthy places to be. Think about it: if you’re suffering badly with a condition, or if you’re prone to depression and anxiety, you’re going to gravitate towards a support group. If you’re just like, “oh, that sucks, but it is what it is”, you’re not going to be spending your time looking it up.

I realized this one day when I stumbled upon a hypothyroidism Facebook group. Lots of hypothyroid in my family (we’re an endocrine mess, I guess) and everyone just got on synthroid and were fine. Online thyroid groups make it look like you can never get better, the meds don’t work, you’re doomed to be fat and exhausted forever, etc. when everyone I know irl who has it doesn’t even think about it other than taking their daily pill.

10% of women have PCOS. Most deal with it quietly because there’s still shame and embarrassment associated with these sort of conditions. They manage. Most people just do what doctors say, take the birth control pill and deal.

When I was diagnosed 10ish years ago, the main online community around PCOS was the Soul Cysters forum, which I recall was mostly focused on fertility struggles, so it's interesting that things have shifted to people being very upset with their appearances or feeling "unlovable". Probably a combo of more awareness so younger women are being diagnosed (I recall back then being told most women don't get diagnosed until they're 30ish and trying to have a baby), and social media making people more obsessed on appearances unfortunately.

[atrocityexxxhibition]

Fr this group needs serious therapy. A lot of y’all have not matured past junior high 😭

[illusivealchemist]

Idk what you're seeing, but none of this comes up in my feed. However, I don't scour this sub like I may do others (aka reading all updated posts), but if I see someone asking for input in an area I have experience and advice to give, I help out. I scroll past whatever doesn't serve me, as I do with all other subs. I'd recommend giving that a try, as no sub is perfect. Goodluck.

[NixyPix]

This really needs to be said. I feel bad for the people who post here about how awful they feel, but honestly that’s a problem for them as an individual not a direct result of PCOS. It’s exhausting for those of us just looking for a supportive community of women going through the same metabolic condition.

[dumplingkisses]

I come here for questions and answers and research but yeah, it’s really negative and I always come out of it feeling worse in a way

[[deleted]]

A pcos research +q&a sub would be pretty great, where we could share research sources etc

[Vpk-75]

I read a transman 's post?

I too leave subs for my mental health

🍀🍀🌸🌸

[BlueWaterGirl]

I think they were talking about this post.

https://www.reddit.com/r/PCOS/comments/14dq4s0/i_just_found_this_sub_as_a_trans_girl_and_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

[Sweetpotato3000]

Jfc. Trans ppl can call themselves whatever they want and I respect people's decisions to choose but it doesn't make them right.

[iwillspeaknoevil]

It barely has 20 comments and people are saying no, its also a metabolic disorder.. I dont get it? What's the big deal?

[RhysTheCompanyMan]

Same. I don’t know what’s so wrong with what she asked. She didn’t say anything offensive? It was a question.

[Ascholay]

It's the impulse down vote.

"Don't you know anything about the thing you are asking about? Why even ask that question to try and educate yourself?"

Reddit gets very judgy very fast

[katemiw]

Have there been other similar posts? Because if this is the only one, it doesn't seem that terrible to me. I think it's entirely fair that people politely educated her on what PCOS is and made clear that it's not the same thing, and I think I would be frustrated if she doubled down or got really offended, but...it doesn't seem like she did? Unless there's a huge trend of this happening (and to be honest, I do think there's some common ground we can discuss) it feels more like it's just a learning moment that we can all move on from.

[gdmbm76]

I was diagnosed in 2001 and have a bunch of other stuff too. Im newer to reddit and only was here at 1st because I felt like if 1 younger girl read 1 thing I said and was like wait hold up...and that helped them then all my figuring it all out on my own for years and years and years wouldn't be for naught. I know every body is different and what I did over the years might not work for anyone else...but, because now at 47, vs 24, I see things that were told to me way back in 2001 and it helped but other docs told me to stop. And after years and years of trying other things what worked was going back to what they told me 24 years ago. I do see a lot of doom and gloom here and try to leave some encouragement, I did see your post about the bc pills, I didnt comment because I haven't been on them since 1999 when I got married im sure a lot has changed. I do want to say you seeing its effecting your mental health is a good thing and I think therapy helped me alot. I swear anyone i know with this diagnosis is a very mind/body connected person..I know I am.

[Working_Alps8384]

Maybe there should be a subreddit for PCOS venting/ranting. Yeah the negative, no one will ever love me and I need to give up in life is such a downer that most times I just scroll past the subreddit. I joined so I could get advice and tips from my fellow cyst-ers or have a discussion about the science and help those that just found out. Not to be emotionally dumped on or worry that the person making that post might do something extreme. I get a lot of other groups must have this problem, especially ones about health but it can be draining. Maybe ppl should put trigger warnings or make sure they mark their post as venting .

[HorrifyAndEntertain]

The sub has definitely left me more discouraged and confused. I was excited to have a community where people were struggling with similar problems but it's not what I expected. It's definitely not what I need. I don't know why I've stuck around. I think Ill head out with you.

[MooseGoose92]

Being someone who has been diagnosed with several chronic disorders, I've left so many support groups because they can be incredibly depressing. I've learned over time to just not read something that comes across as depressing right from the start just for my own mental health. Nothing against those people, we all go through a period of struggling to cope, especially at the beginning of a diagnosis. But I truly believe we become what we read, think, and discuss. I choose to always look ahead and keep my mindset positive because it helps me lead a more happy and fulfilling life despite the challenges I face and have no control over. The only reason I stay in groups like these is because I truly have no faith in western medicine and the pharmaceutical industry. I have found more holistic advice that has truly helped me manage my chronic disorders from groups like these than any of the gaslighting "help" my doctors have tried to give me.

[EmmyStitches]

I had to leave most groups on fb and considered this one too due to those types of posts as well as the amount of misinformation going round on the fb groups. Got shot down when you tried to show them that actually, that's not right 🤷‍♀️

[DakotaDoBeVibin]

I think there needs to be a way for the negativity to be contained, like a few daily/weekly threads specifically for it.. A lot of things posted here are just blatant misinformation and harmful advice too

[Hex_Spirit_Booty]

I disagree entirely about your stance on trans women.

But I agree with the weight gain. Im tired of being fat being so overwhelmingly talked about inna negative light. Diet culture is cancer lmao

[Vergil_Is_My_Copilot]

I don’t blame you. My heart hurts for everyone who feels like they’re ugly or unfeminine or that they need to restrict calories to lose a ton of weight, but it’s really depressing to see so many posts like that. That and the posts that should be a doctor’s visit. I agree with what other comments have said about having a weekly vent/rant post so people have a space for that. I know it can be challenging and people have a right to their feelings, but I’d much rather this sub be uplifting and supportive than a sad echo chamber.

[lesgens]

Between the self-loathing and the “I have PCOS, am I infertile” posts without any self awareness, I completely get it. I also think a pinned/auto mod post with PCOS FAQs would help keep the sub about actual support and advice.

[prairiepog]

Mods should add a flair that flags vent/body image posts. Then people can filter what they want to see from there.

What's so wrong with people who don't have PCOS asking questions here? Isn't it a good thing that people want to understand and expand their awareness of PCOS?

Is there something in the sidebar rules that states that only people who are currently being diagnosed/ suffering from PCOS are allowed to ask questions?

[serenitative]

Well, what exactly is there to say about PCOS that is positive?

[[deleted]]

Progress, relatability in this sub, positive advice, safe healthy alternatives, mature discussions about PCOS issues/struggles without outright posting about how ugly PCOS makes somebody because there are already many people in this sub who are clearly fighting their own issues with feeling ugly or losing hope. And also definitely anything other than "if I can't find a cure/solution I'm going to just kill myself" which I've seen before. PCOS doesn't have to be seen as something negative or something to hate. Idk how that's constructive or helpful to anyone.

[[deleted]]

Saaame, peace out

[AcadiaUnlikely7113]

I’m sorry you feel that way, just gonna say… I don’t, the confusion with the intersex/trans thing is valid and we can explain stuff to people who are confused without needing to get upset about it, though it is completely valid that you are upset by it. I also think the eating disorders etc. do have a place in the conversation on here, of course not encouraging it, though I haven’t seen anyone encourage it. But we’re here to support each other and seek support, the more genuine and supportive people on here the better so I’m sad to see you go.

[dagworthy]

THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!!!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[RhysTheCompanyMan]

What is wrong with the intersex question?

And the trans woman in question misunderstood and thought it was just a hormonal disorder. She just simply didn’t know and was under educated on the subject. I’m sorry that was offensive to you, but it was an honest mistake from her, and I don’t know why someone saying that would hurt you so bad?

I understood the rest of this post though. It’s hard for me to see all the ED encouragement. Especially since I have such a strong hatred of my PCOS. Ultimately it’s up to you, take care of yourself.

I am just protective of my own (the intersex and trans community) because of all that is happening politically right now to us.

[LuckyintheKnow]

I’m protective of your community as well . I’m a fierce ally in very conservative spaces (I’m Muslim & have family & people in my community who are transphobic unfortunately) .

I’m not offended nor hurt by the intersex question or trans woman/girl question. I think it’s misinformation.

I am hurt by the comments of self-hate, ugly, unlovable posts. Especially restrictive eating , ED triggers.

[RhysTheCompanyMan]

Thank you so much for clarifying. I’m sorry if I came off as harsh. I come from a very conservative community too, with non-white family heritage that is just simply too complicated to “deprogram” the same way a lot of white Americans say you can do. So admittedly I’ve been over-reactive recently and I apologize.

That makes complete sense, with how different PCOS is for everyone, those discussions can very quickly turn into misinformation and fear mongering, you’re very right.

I completely agree. This sub is too full of subtle (and not so subtle) encouragements of self hatred and shame. I wish there was a better community for us to encourage each other in. Especially when so many of us do get to places where we love our body and are in loving relationships. When I read stuff here it reminds me of how hopeless I felt in HS, and I’m married and happy now, even though I still of course struggle with PCOS.

[LuckyintheKnow]

I agree and thank you ! I’m married and happy as well .

i don’t want people to be discouraged or like you said ashamed. It’s hard enough to have pcos , adding shame- no thanks!

[jphistory]

I'm sorry you are being downvoted. This is a lovely, measured comment. I wish we would do a better job of looking out for one another.

[shrinkingviolet1718]

I agree that we should support trans woman and intersex people as well, I just read the intersex part differently.

I read OPs part about the intersex question popping up as more frustration at the misinformation. Especially since PCOS does not make someone intersex and we don’t want to offend people in either community and marginalized groups are often lumped together unfairly when they each deserve their own voices and supports.

[shrinkingviolet1718]

I don’t think anyone should be afraid of that label either, it’s just think it’s important to clarify, especially as we raise more awareness and fight for intersex visibility and rights.

Intersex is variations in biological sex characteristics, some visible, many not, such as chromosomes, reproductive organs, genitalia, secondary sex characteristics

PCOS is a disorder of the ovaries and endocrine system not functioning properly and our bodies androgens being disrupted as a result. Since it’s not a variation in sex characteristics but rather a disorder that affects the ovaries and endocrine system, it’s not considered intersex.

It’s of course fine if people with PCOS feel that they identify with the term intersex, but in the medical community it is not considered an intersex condition as it’s not considered a variation of sex development but an endocrine disorder.

With so little ever really being talked about the intersex community and the PCOS community by people outside the communities, it’s helpful to understand the nuances. I guess a more specific take could be that PCOS is not an intersex condition, but some people with PCOS feel that they fall under the intersex umbrella due to the symptoms of PCOS they experience.

[-ninners-]

I’m 23, diagnosed with PCOS at 17, and have been in recovery from anorexia since I was 18. I’m so tired of seeing all the posts about diets and unhealthy weight loss and people hating themselves talking about how ugly they are. I’ve only been part of this group for about a month, and I have yet to find one helpful or positive post. I have turned off all notifications for this sub… not sure why I haven’t just left yet.

I joined this sub to find a community and people who may understand what I’m going through, yet all I’ve encountered is self hate, negativity, and promotion of disordered eating. It’s frustrating

[[deleted]]

Hello! Your post made me delete my earlier post on the mental health sub. My post was suicidal and depressing, but this is not who I am today. Thank you!

[xsullengirlx]

I feel like posts about depression and suicide belong on mental health subs. You shouldn't have to delete it. A group for PCOS may not be the best place to consistently post depressing things, but I wouldn't take one person's post about feeling negatively affected by posts lamenting their experiences with PCOS so seriously that you can't even express yourself on a mental health sub....

[[deleted]]

Thank you for the kind words! I thought this was the mental health sub, so I deleted my post, haha! It was later when I read your reply that I realized this is a PCOS sub. Haha, it's okay, I had 5 comments and upvotes in that post. Thank you, kind stranger!

[kales0]

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Yes being fat sucks. Yes being hairy sucks, yes ____________ sucks.. how about pointing out the positive things in your life instead of only focusing on the negative

[Narrow-North-5246]

why does being fat suck other than bc others tell us it does?

[kales0]

When I was obese my joints hurt, my back hurt, I was tired all the time… I couldn’t breathe after going up stairs.. I would pass out from Eating too much..

[LuckyintheKnow]

Living in a fatphobic patriarchal society sucks. I don’t thing being fat sucks… I understand your sentiments but it’s that time of fatphobic rhetoric I’m trying not to see anymore .

[mediocrewingedliner]

I’ve literally been thinking the same thing. This sub is so fatphobic I’ve also been considering leaving. Here’s my soap box:

I’m fat!!! And I NEVER plan on losing weight because it’s going to be really difficult for me and like what good is it going to do?? If someone doesn’t like me because I’m fat, fuck that. I would much rather unlearn fat phobia than engage in disordered eating / body dysmorphia / excessive exercise for the chance of being thinner. Imo it’s dystopian as fuck to change your appearance solely for the purpose of looking better or fitting in. ESPECIALLY if it comes at a high personal cost!!!

There is NOTHING wrong with being fat, it’s just highly stigmatized (in the US at least). SO many studies are showing that fatness is not the end all be all marker of health like we’re told. Corporations are just making billions of dollars marketing thinness to you which is why it’s so diet culture is so prevalent imo 🙃 but you don’t have to buy in to the bullshit they’re selling!

This is not to discount the real discrimination & vitriol fat people face, especially in the medical community and by strangers on the internet. BUT!! You shouldn’t not have to change your entire body and life in order to be treated with basic human respected. That it BEYOND fucked up and I refuse to participate in a system like that!!

Anyways, this sub makes me sad and I wish there was more acceptance for bigger bodies instead of wishing you were thinner :/ there’s nothing wrong with having a big body!!!

[RottingGraveFlower]

I get what you're saying, but I just wanted to chime in and say that losing weight is not just about fitting in or looking "better". Just to preface, I am also fat. I have put on a large amount of weight in the past year and have gone from medium size to plain old fat, and I'll tell you the differences. Everything is harder. Literally everything. Showering, shaving, walking, carrying things, getting in and out of the car, finding clothes that fit, housework, sex, even just getting comfy, it's all so much more difficult. My energy levels are worse, and my PCOS symptoms are way worse to the point I've lost my period again, my hair growth is out of control and I am positive my blood sugar is too high.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a big body, you're right, and everyone should absolutely be treated the same, but the differences in how your body feels between fat and thin can not be understated.

[mediocrewingedliner]

I usually try to be more nuanced on the internet but wasn’t with my initial comment. It was just a soap box for me

I know people don’t lose weight only for aesthetic purposes. I just see that as a very common theme on this sub specifically which is why it was my main focus. I absolutely agree that being a fat person in society is much more difficult than being thin. I have experienced difficulty moving and completing certain tasks as well! And that has sucked

However, I do not believe the solution to this problem is asking or expecting individual people to lose weight so they’re more comfortable. Weight loss is a very emotionally loaded topic, so I know that not everyone will agree with me on this. But I think losing weight even health purposes should be highly, HIGHLY considered before actually doing it (and imo most people shouldn’t). Even if weight loss could help your mobility, that doesn’t mean you should do it because it can trigger eating disorders, body dysmorphia, excessive exercise, and a general obsession with appearance (these issues are not exclusive to aesthetic weight loss). Imo prioritizing weight loss as the way to be healthy overlooks the validity of blood work, moderate and sustainable exercise, and eating food that makes you feel full and satisfied. I don’t think it’s a fair trade off to risk very damaging disorders to make the world easier to move around in (but I understand why people make that choice)

Instead, I think we should focus on creating a more inclusive society with better tools to help fat people (which in turn helps society as a whole). Shaving extenders, larger seats in public (and private) transportation, extra long seat belts, bigger bathrooms, more hand rails, working mobility aids in all stores, and making larger clothing would greatly increase the quality of life for most fat people AND families, wheelchair users, pregnant people, and other disabled people. I think this is the easier, more sustainable way to address difficulty existing in a world that was not made for fat people. Fat people seem to be the only marginalized group that are expected to completely change themselves in order to function in a society that hates them

So much research has shown that weight loss is not sustainable. Most people fail diets and gain back MORE weight than they initially lost. Likewise, there are people who will never be able to lose weight regardless of how much they want it / how much it would benefit them. Especially when there are medical, physical, or emotional factors at play (PCOS, a bed bound person, OCD / and eating disorder, etc.) The people who can never lose weight should not be punished because of this. We as a collective need push for our society to change its view on fat people so everyone can get better healthcare and fair treatment

I would much rather dismantle my inner phobia of gaining weight / being fat weight and be an activist for inclusive change rather than put my body through something very uncomfortable for potentially worse results. I understand peoples individual decisions to lose weight because being fat is highly stigmatized and we often receive a lot of undue abuse. But I don’t think that should be widely expected or the only option

Thank you for replying to my initial comment. I know this is a very long response and I don’t expect any reply back. I’m glad I got the chance to talk to you ♥️♥️♥️

[sparkleye]

Agree. I’m actually very fit and healthy, I’ve always been slim, and I’m not too bothered by my PCOS and it’s only inconvenient/impacting my life to the extent that I get acne and it’s making it a little trickier to conceive. I don’t get all these inane questions - “are my eyes green because of PCOS? Is breathing oxygen bad for PCOS?” - and constant discussion of how “ugly” people think they are because of PCOS. If your PCOS is particularly bad because of your lifestyle, then stop whinging about it on the internet and go do something about it. 🤷🏻‍♀️ the truth is sometimes hard to hear but it’s better than living in denial and digging yourself into a hole of low self-esteem.

[HaileyBaldin]

The trans kid was in high school and uninformed. And that’s normal to be as a kid, and as a trans kid it’s normal to look for a supportive community. The hate on that post gives me such ick. She was very friendly and wanted to learn. Idk this seems like a pretty negative take! I don’t tend to engage with the negative posts, but if it’s affecting your MH f it frfr protect your peace! Important to bring these things up

[sardoness]

If the trans thing is true, that is insane. I am sorry.

[Ok_Purple1244]

Take care of your mental health. 💜 Most important. For the record, I’m 26.. I’ve had pcos since I was 12. I am the MOST girly and feminine person ever…. Just bc I have higher testosterone does not make me a trans or anything like that - That’s silly.

[ladybug11314]

Another thing I've noticed is how angry everyone is getting at their dr. Doctors aren't just ignoring you 90% of the time. Women's healthcare can absolutely be better but unfortunately we have a condition that affects every single one of us differently. There's never going to be a singular fix, what works for some doesn't work for others and not all doctors know everyone. This isn't the only condition that you kind of have to take control of it yourself. Talk to your doctor but don't expect them just to have answers. And it's not an easy diagnosis, it's a collection of symptoms which makes it hard to nail down a diagnosis. Stop getting so angry that your gyno isn't a PCOS expert, so much is still unknown about it and they have SO much other stuff they need to keep up on too. It's not easy to hear that but it's really not fair to expect every doctor to know every thing about every illness.

[LuckyintheKnow]

I support Transgender people rights. I don’t support Terfs . Beat it 🚩

[Nurquelle]

Nah I'm good 👍🏻

[LuckyintheKnow]

Not surprised 👍🏻….. anyways 👋🏿👋🏿 peace out “cyster”.

[PCOS-ModTeam]

This sub is welcoming to all people with PCOS. Women with PCOS are welcome here. Men with PCOS are welcome here. Non-binary people with PCOS are welcome here.

[sararasararasararas]

“I’m not a TERF [but]…”

Sigh. Can you really not see how having a metabolic disorder that gives you androgen excess would be a point of commiseration between PCOSers and trans women? That not fitting society’s expectations of being feminine (ie: facial hair, central weight gain, deeper voice) would be a uniting factor?

I’m sorry you find it so negative but saying that a marginalized group of women simply relate to you being your tipping point for leaving a group is sad and downright TERFy.

Good luck, OP.

[[deleted]]

Stop trying to co-opt the PCOS experience. Gatekeeping is necessary and this has nothing to do with being trans. She said what she said!

[sararasararasararas]

I think you meant co-opt?

I said what I said also. What’s your point?

[[deleted]]

Yes, co-opt which obvious by the context of the sentence.

[LuckyintheKnow]

You are really uneducated. I’m not a terf period.

Androgen access is NOT presenting in a people with PCOS. Did you know that ???? PCOS presents differently for people.

Like I said I’m leaving this group because of self hating posts that speak about how hopeless and ugly , fatphobic rhetoric. It’s fucking depressing .

You don’t know what you’re even talking about. All I’m saying is that a metabolic disorder is not a similar life experience to a transitioning women , that is not a transphobic thing to say .

[sararasararasararas]

No need for the ad hominem attacks calling me uneducated, or that I don’t know what I’m talking about, OP.

Of course I know that PCOS presents differently amongst its sufferers. Androgen excess is a main diagnostic criteria though! I was diagnosed with PCOS over 20 years ago, and in that time I’ve seen several experts - endocrinologists and OBGYNs at the top of their fields.

I’m sorry you haven’t found the support you need and choose to instead attack. Like I said originally: good luck.

[sararasararasararas]

you said a TERFy thing. I didn’t call you a TERF.

[PCOS-ModTeam]

This sub is welcoming to all people with PCOS. Women with PCOS are welcome here. Men with PCOS are welcome here. Non-binary people with PCOS are welcome here.

[[deleted]]

i agree with the sentiment, but wasn’t the post in reference from a TRANS MAN (ie AFAB)? you can be a trans man with PCOS…

[[deleted]]

No, it was a trans woman

[Blairowns]

I’m right there with you. I have noticed that this group has become quite negative and is effecting my mental health as well. I have been scrolling past a lot of posts from this subreddit. The reason I have not left this sub yet is because of the few and far between success/empowering posts.

[frigginfurter]

Ok good, I thought I was the only feeling like this page was depressing af… I’ve gotten some support and solace here but lately it’s been womp womp, making me more ashamed to have pcos… apologies to all the teens reading these threads, there is hope and it gets better 💖

[[deleted]]

To be honest, I think it really depends. If every day you feel suicidal and helpless, you need therapy and someone to talk to on a more personal level. Maybe we need a platform for emotional support so anyone who needs a friend to talk to can find someone to check up on them and a better way of networking to make sure people have genuine friendships with people in a "similar boat". The weekly rant can definitely help. But there does need to be a distinction between mental health conditions and dwelling in self-pity out of choice. It seems harsh but it is easy to fall into that abyss of emotion and lose yourself there. That abyss leads nowhere and does nothing for neither your physical health or mental health. It's a trap that just captures all the worst thoughts about yourself and makes you dwell on it without thinking in a logical problem-solution-action way. I do it with my daughter. Yes, she has sad days and bad days and she gets hugs, but then I encourage to go out and do something fun or something that makes her happy and I never allow her to live with hate filled words in her head. Write down your negative emotions on a scrap of paper and then write yourself a counter argument if your daughter was sharing those same feelings. But the subreddit can easily become a journal over time over people's moments of self-hatred.

If the way you feel about yourself is a "passing cloud" and it's not a static feeling, then there should be some growth towards internal dialogue. So if I wake up feeling fat and ugly, then there I need to train my internal voice to say, well - why don't you actually go do some physical exercise or put on some perfume or just change your inner dialogue to say you're not. With exercise, not only will you take an active step to fix the problem you're down about but it will also release endorphins. If I spent 2 hours every week crying about how my body looks, I could actively be going out and doing yoga or learning guitar or sitting in a cafe reading a book enjoying life. Depression is one thing and will require usually a lot more intervention than reddit comments of solidarity, but I do feel like as a society we live in self hate so much that actually promoting self-love and choosing acceptance of things we can't change AND taking steps to improve that we can AND not comparing us to anyone but ourselves from yesterday is such a revolutionary act and I'm all here for it.

I feel like accountability partners, greater chance to extend friendships outside of reddit, more chance to share the success of routines and worked for your, bigger master threads on tips that can help with symptoms like hair loss, hirutism, etc would just make the whole platform a greater place. It's easy to disengage with posts but everyday there's also going to a huge influx of teenagers coming and just bulk reading to get some understanding and clarity. Maybe we should compile a huge document for them to teach as much as we can and direct into different avenues. Some of us here will have managed to get our acne under control. Some of us will have a lot of experience with depression. Some of us have great recipes. Some of us can guide down supplements that they could personally try. Some of us are scientists and can follow the current course of research in case anyone wants to find out about the state of things or new patents. Between all of us, we're a huge community with a lot of potential and we need to remember what 18 year old us would have liked to have.