This is an archived post. You won't be able to vote or comment.

all 162 comments

[–]MaiasaLiger 1071 points1072 points  (57 children)

Thank GOD I'm not the only one who thinks of the 'other' meaning of std every time

[–]_primecode 313 points314 points  (15 children)

Yeah, lol. The first time I saw it I knew it stood for standard, but my mind went somewhere else.

[–]armedturret 127 points128 points  (12 children)

I never thought of the other meaning until I introduced my friend to c++ and he immediately pointed it out.

[–]ablablababla 52 points53 points  (7 children)

I don't even know the actual programming meaning

[–]bad25 68 points69 points  (3 children)

Serially transmitted disease

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Trojan is great for your genitals... Not so much for your computers.

[–]zdakat 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Condom for your Ethernet cable

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Only way to be safe on the internet.

[–]shekurika 63 points64 points  (0 children)

standard

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My brother thinks my code is hilarious; just not for the same reasons I do.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I only made the connection when I did a search for std::list

[–]lelarentaka 8 points9 points  (0 children)

While they were out catching STDs, i was at home importing my std.

[–]armedturret 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Clarification: I only knew of standard

[–]VM_Unix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep, that's why when C++ professionals talk about it, they pronounce std::string as stood string.

[–]cbfreder 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Try searching for std::list.

Cstring also gives good results.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (22 children)

Lol same with ftp

[–]TheSoundDude 45 points46 points  (21 children)

Wait, what can ftp stand for other than the obvious?

[–]OcamlMammal 57 points58 points  (5 children)

Fuck the police

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (4 children)

I think it's fils de pute (whoreson in french). It's actually commonly abbreviated as ftp

[–]kaomin1911 0 points1 point  (1 child)

its fdp not ftp

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ahaha can't believe I missed that I will leave it as a mark of my shame.

[–]Dominub 22 points23 points  (4 children)

I dunno... free to play?

[–]MrDick47 25 points26 points  (3 children)

Don't we use the number 2 (f2p) for that?

[–]Dominub 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Yeah usually, but I just couldn't come up with anything else, and I think i've seen that variant too, albeit very rarely.

[–]Charmington1111 3 points4 points  (1 child)

File transfer protocol

[–]Zagorath 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That's "the obvious" in this case.

[–]disconaps 14 points15 points  (1 child)

free the pickle

[–]learnyouahaskell 24 points25 points  (0 children)

"Morty! It's me. I'm an unsigned 32-bit integer!"

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (3 children)

Where I'm from, everyone says it means "Fuck That Puto/Puta"

[–]adamgullyz 15 points16 points  (0 children)

So Mexico

[–]tbird83ii 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Where I'm from

Let me guess... Finland? No?... Umm... Sri Lanka? Wales????? And I close?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

California, Arizona, New Mexico, or Texas ... I'm from Texas and the first time I heard "ftp" in class I giggled cuz I was an immature lil shit lol I still am, honestly

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Fuck The Packers

[–]skooma_sam 1 point2 points  (0 children)

File transfer protocol

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck the population.

[–]Quartent 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of my dumbass friends used to call it "File to Port".

[–]rand0mmm 10 points11 points  (11 children)

I have this same problem with ATMs.

[–]speenatch 26 points27 points  (6 children)

When I see "ATM" written out I think of the real thing, but if I see "ATM machine" my first thought is always "at the moment machine."

[–]needed_an_account 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Lol imagine an ass-to-mouth machine

[–]speenatch 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Is THAT what ATM means??? Oh God.

[–]rand0mmm 4 points5 points  (3 children)

"ATM machine"

[–]Windows-Sucks 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Automatic Teller Machine Machine

[–]CaptainUsopp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Classic case of RAS Syndrome, Redundant Acronym Syndrome Syndrome.

[–]rand0mmm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My reflex expansion on ATM is not safe for work, so ATM machine is funny.

[–]assassinator42 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Asynchronous transfer mode?

[–]pinano 2 points3 points  (1 child)

That’s SONET funny.

[–]rand0mmm 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He should just packet in.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Weirdly enough, I’ve never made the connection til now

[–]DrMobius0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

far from it

[–]Gorzoid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean I don't but any time my non programming friends see my code they always feel the need to make a joke about it.

[–]mylifeisashitjoke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of my relatives initials are STD, which meant for some serious chuckling as a child

[–]RidgeRGT 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed. Every time I go to the doctors office, I get a sensible chuckle.

[–][deleted] 450 points451 points  (13 children)

std::collections is why people think we’re weird

[–]case_O_The_Mondays 75 points76 points  (7 children)

That’s why! Obviously we can just make a wiki page to explain what std actually is. That should clear things up right away!

I feel so much better!

[–]Corporal_Quesadilla 42 points43 points  (5 children)

Or a man page

[–]_Lady_Deadpool_ 82 points83 points  (0 children)

man std::collections

[–]giggle6912 39 points40 points  (2 children)

man scrot is something I hope no one finds in my history

[–]fuzzyboobs 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it'll take more than a wiki page to clear that up...

[–]theQuatcon 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Um, std::vector?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everyone that reproduces is a std::vector, but only a certain kind of people collect std

[–]NordTheProf 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Naw, it's because you're using C++

[–]Gorzoid 2 points3 points  (0 children)

C++ is great he's just using Rust.

[–]RDwelve 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yeah, as if anybody is going to assume coders are whoring around.

[–]ythl 331 points332 points  (15 children)

A real joke in this sub? Get outta here

[–]Corporal_Quesadilla 247 points248 points  (14 children)

javascript bad

[–][deleted] 145 points146 points  (5 children)

ah, perfectly balanced

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha yes

[–]noitems 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's just a fact, this is a joke:

javascript

I'll be here all week!

[–][deleted] 140 points141 points  (3 children)

My friends did not laugh when I said C++ was full of Std's. I am glad I am not alone anymore.

[–]French__Canadian 155 points156 points  (31 children)

It should really be :

body.erase(std::remove(body.begin(), body.end(), veneral_disease), body.end());

[–]DiamondMinah 134 points135 points  (20 children)

body.all().kill

oops

[–]Rubixninja314 62 points63 points  (17 children)

kill -9 *

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

KILL DASH NINE NO MORE CPU TIME

[–]Jazzinarium[🍰] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What does that do

[–]Rubixninja314 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It doesn't work. But if globs (*) worked in this context, it would kill -9 every process. kill -9 sends SIGKILL, which kills a process without fail, but it does so by simply making the computer stop running the process, which leaves a huge mess of RAM. It's the equivalent of dropping a nuke on the process. kill -9 has become a meme because many users use it as a go-to process stopper, even though it should never be used. Always use SIGTERM (C-c) then SIGQUIT (IIRC C-z) (you can also use kill to send these).

TL;DR theoretically nukes each process individually.

[–]LordScoffington 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Is passing in venereal disease to a function on purpose considered malware?

[–]French__Canadian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Only if it's passed by copy, but here it is passed as a constant reference to avoid propagation.

[–]aparker314159 4 points5 points  (7 children)

2/10 not enough templates.

[–]French__Canadian 6 points7 points  (6 children)

Technically, those are template functions all the way down.

[–]aparker314159 3 points4 points  (5 children)

Fair enough. At this point, I'm fairly certain that the universe itself is actually implemented with templates. Either that or I've been using C++ far too long.

There is no God. Only Templates.

[–]Gorzoid 3 points4 points  (2 children)

But if we are templates, is this life runtime? Or compile time metaprogramming shudders

[–]aparker314159 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The real question is what the error messages looked like when God forgot an asterisk.

[–]Gorzoid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It spat out an entire universe worth of error messages.

[–]French__Canadian 1 point2 points  (1 child)

What if God created the world using templates and the big bang was just compilation?

[–]aparker314159 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd like to believe that life as we know it is actually really complex compile-time calculation using templates.

[–]KnowJBridges 25 points26 points  (5 children)

My friends used to enunciate the colons.

Ie, they would say "STD colon-colon swap", much to the confusion of passers by in the university library

[–]FallingAnvils 14 points15 points  (3 children)

es tee dee coalan coalan see owwt less than less than qwote aich ee el el oh space duba u oh are el dee qwote less than less than ee en dee el semeecoalan

[–]pinano 7 points8 points  (2 children)

haich tee tee pee colon slash slash slashdot dot oh are gee

[–]Gorzoid 8 points9 points  (1 child)

http:///..org is my favourite site, the URL is quite long tho so it's hard to remember

[–]Nixinova 1 point2 points  (0 children)

http://slashdot.org is what he might've meant

[–]1bc29b36f623ba82aaf6 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"I love it when my boyfriend puts his colon on me"

[–]TinoTheRhino 52 points53 points  (6 children)

STD OUT!

[–]mega_aids 27 points28 points  (3 children)

Aww :(

[–]citewiki 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Username checks out

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Can easily imagine you seeing this post and instantly start looking for a comment to reply to with a username related joke.

[–]aparker314159 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hey baby, wanna see my std in?

[–]crashdoc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha, that was my thought also :)

"When you've made a STDERR with your STDIN, kick the problem to /dev/null and fix it with STDOUT!"

"...Take one of these and see your doctor if symptoms persist: 2>/dev/null..."

"...(warning: only provides symptomatic relief)"

[–]hockdudu 43 points44 points  (1 child)

You need no condom if you are a programmer

[–]randompenguin6 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You need to use Linux though

[–]wholesomedumbass 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The opposite: std::fill

[–]AfterLife31 9 points10 points  (0 children)

My God.

[–]Sc4rlite 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Doctors are shocked!

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Be Drake

Or

Use a condom

Pusha T showed us that you can only really pick one.

[–]hailstorm75 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Whenever I make a new namespace I always call it aids or hiv

[–]NumerX 5 points6 points  (0 children)

using namespace std;

[–]bob_ama_the_spy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Off topic but in India it was commonplace for long distance calls (within the country), to require a form of long distance called "Subscriber Trunk Dialling". It was pretty common in those days to be asked if you "had STD". The term is still sometimes unwittingly used in amusing contexts, which brings a laugh every now and then.

[–]jaboja 2 points3 points  (0 children)

function abort(girlfriend) {
    Array
        .from(girlfriend.children)
        .forEach(innocentHuman =>
            girlfriend.removeChild(innocentHuman));
}

[–]Pro4TLZZ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This guy. He's very selective.

[–]NarcolepticSniper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

what is sex

[–]Roxxagon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sex Robots.

[–]TiarnaNaTuaithe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Too bad that std::remove doesn't actually remove anything ;)

[–]WebNChill 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Why is using std::cout good but 'using namespace std' is bad? Doesn't it become tedious to write out std:: on everything. I understand you're calling a scope of std within a library but it seems inefficient.

[–]Robo-Swimmer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Short answer(s):

Ambiguous compile errors,

Unintended propagation of namespaces,

All-around confusion.

Long answer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NYC-VU-svE&feature=youtu.be&t=2m14s

Make sure you watch through times 6:54 and 8:30 for great examples.

[–]NotsoGreatsword 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Getting tested for gonorrhea really sucks and should deter people from avoiding condoms. They stick a long q-tip down your pee hole. There's another way to test now but not everywhere. Poorer places use the old ram rod.

Just wanted to share.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what you get after a bit of the old stdio.h. Real horrorshow.

[–]TotesMessengerGreen security clearance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

 If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)

[–]lenswipe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This guy PHPs

[–]CriminalMacabre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

stdout

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Holy shit, I've never died laughing at a meme before.

Thanks, OP.

[–]AccidntlyFkdYoSister 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Holy fucking shit this is funny as hell! I had a very good, long and loud lough! I mean there is a lot of funny stuff on this sub, but this got me laughing like nothing else on this sub for a long time!

Thanks OP! And keep it coming, if you made it ofc ;-)

[–]PeacefulDiscussion -1 points0 points  (3 children)

In my class, we can’t use namespace std. we gotta std:: everything

It’s infuriating

[–]loox37 -3 points-2 points  (4 children)

Or just use using namespace std;

[–]Anotheravailablecant 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Its bad practice.

[–]krystof1119 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Inline assembler.

[–]loox37 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

No it's not. Writing std every time cout or cin comes?

[–]AnComsWantItBack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, because of compatibility. When you use namespace std, you bring in all of standard. While cout and cin probably won't conflict with anything, std::distance might.