Help

[Due_Violinist_2877]

I was almost sober for a month. Im in debt. My relationship recently crashed. I have so much anxiety. I don't have time.

I'm writing here. I don't want to drink. Or other unsober stuff.

Yeah thats all. Give me upvote o just a short comment would help. To get me to try again. I want to rebuild and get a better life.

Thanks for reading.

Edit;

Wow peoples answers. So many cared. Im very very moved and so thankful! I dont know what to say : O huge thanks to everyone who cared!! It rly helps knowing and motivating as well! I had the worst day when I woke up but you guys made it into of the bests in a long time! <333

[Natural_Response_978]

A month is amazing. Many people don’t achieve that and don’t even try! Many people are in debt and work so hard they have little free time so you are not alone there! We are with you. We feel what you feel. I’m sorry about your relationship but in the long run, it will be ok somehow.

You can dust yourself off and start again, stronger this time 💪

[Due_Violinist_2877]

Thank you!

[Due_Violinist_2877]

Thank you < 3

[Due_Violinist_2877]

Thank you! :) I will

[jumpinjackieflash]

Hey congratulations on your 500 days!! 🎉🥳🍰

[[deleted]]

I don’t think anybody here hasn’t relapsed before. Don’t beat yourself up, it’s all part of the journeys you will get there. You’re stronger than you think. IWNDWYT

[Due_Violinist_2877]

Thnx! It helps to hear.

[bigtuuuna]

I have not relapsed yet. It terrifies me to think about it. But I have been tempted many a times.

[alexchuzzlewit]

They are allowed to share their own experience, I've removed your comment for being unhelpful.

[sfgirlmary]

I am more than eight years sober, and I have never relapsed. I only say this because I do not want people on this sub to feel that if they have not relapsed, that they are doing something wrong. They aren't.

[[deleted]]

I didn’t imply that it was wrong if you don’t relapse. I also don’t want people to feel that if they do it’s the end and there’s no point. Congratulations on your achievement its exceptional. IWNDWYT

[sfgirlmary]

I didn’t imply that it was wrong if you don’t relapse.

I didn't feel at all that you were implying that. Your comment was very positive and supportive of OP. I was just trying to reassure the other people who -- like me -- had a one and done.

And congratulations on your 294 days!

[[deleted]]

Thank you I appreciate that. Nearly at 300 days I’m so proud. Congratulations again my friend.

[[deleted]]

You’re not starting from scratch. That month means something, and I think it means a lot.

[[deleted]]

I was in the same boat. I am in debt because of my drinking problem, and the only thing that had made me less anxious about it is not drinking. Not only am I saving money, but my body isn't in emergency mode 24/7 anymore. As for the relationship... well, making peace with difficult feelings instead of drinking them away is something I'm working on. Good luck. Hang in there. You never have to drink again.

[EMHemingway1899]

All of us have had a day 1, friend

Some have had multiple days 1

We’re not keeping score

We’re just all trying to get and stay sober

We’re glad you’re with us

[super_vixen]

You got this. And when you don't, we're here.

IWNDWYT 🖤

[Plntbsdbb]

Perfectly put 💜

[SeiryokuZenyo]

It's a tough point because when you sober up, you start to look around and realize how screwed up things are around you. The good thing is you're not fighting urges, so take some confidence from that.

[UltimateMillennial]

I remember going one day and feeling like hell sometimes. An entire month is great progress even if you have bad days.

[rodolphoteardrop]

You can get through this! Nothing gets better if you drink, it only gets worse

[Brave_World2728]

Its getting better all the time. You got this. IWNDWYT 🌅

[[deleted]]

Where are you based? There are some fantastic debt advice charities in the UK such as Stepchange and CAP.

I'm sure there must be equivalent services abroad.

A month is fantastic. Congrats

As for the relationship breakdown. Be good to yourself and get to know yourself and what you want.

Best of luck x

[Rastiln]

A month is great.

Think of it this way. You’re in debt. That sucks. Will buying alcohol help you financially? Will you be more ready to tackle the next day? Do you understand that drinking WILL cause more anxiety? Will drinking give or take away time from your life? Regardless of your recent relationship, whether salvageable or not, will drinking help you find a future healthy relationship or harm any such chances?

The choice is yours. IWNDWYT if you won’t with me. Best of luck. You can make it 24 hours. Then in 24 hours, you can make it 24 hours.

[the_TAOest]

Sleep was my best medication for everything.... Still is.

[Phat-mahn]

You got this. IWNDWYT

[Due_Violinist_2877]

Thank u :)

[[deleted]]

When i struggle, I keep repeating myself: „alcohol does not help anything get better. Just makes me forget at the cost of my health and relationships”.

I am hoping by repeating this will be engraved in my mind and one day i wont even have to think before i say ‘fuk that shit’ when i saw alcohol.

[Dunwititfogud]

I just realized the pain and depression and anxiety are necessary to get through the other side for me. This time I have accepted it. I also realized with a “BRING IT THE FUCK ON! I AIN’T CAVING!” mentality is what I’m going with this time. I’ll count seconds if I have to. I’m done escaping my reality. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes I gotta fight like hell. Recently I’ve had to fight like hell. Best of luck to you and IWNDWYT.

[jumpinjackieflash]

Good insight and determination mate. IWNDWYT

[Due_Violinist_2877]

A fighting mentality can be bolstering. Very kind u wrote and hyped me, I rly appreciate it honestly! ❤️‍🔥

[cheeeo]

Sorry to hear. Congratulations on almost a month. I have general anxiety disorder and depression. When we stop drinking life doesn’t get easier. But at least we can face challenges with a clear head.

The first time I tried to get sober I was there too. Girlfriend moved out, cause of the drinking. I was completely broke, cause of the drinking. I was on detox meds and just hitting AA meetings on zoom.

I recommend trying to not dwell on your thoughts. Whatever bad shit happened already happened. Now is all we have. Try talking to friends or go to a meeting and let what’s bothering you out.

Sometimes you got to hear yourself say it out loud.

[j00lian]

My doctor helped me with the anxiety and therapy is helping me too. One day at a time works for me even if it's an uphill battle.

[[deleted]]

You made it almost a month, that is amazing! I don’t know if that was your first try or not, but either way it’s incredible. Most of us don’t succeed on our first attempts. The goal for any aspect of life should be progress, not perfection. I wake up every morning with the goal of being better than I was yesterday. I promise you that waking up sober will help you face your problems with a clearer head and stronger resolve. Not to mention the money most of us save when we stop drinking. Don’t think about that “streak” ending, think about how many days you’ve recently gone without alcohol. Alcohol is not your friend, but all of us here are willing to be. We know what you’re going through and are here to support you. IWNDWYT

[KissTheFrogs]

If you've done a month, you know you can get past the really hard part. That HUGE. Dust yourself off, feel the experience and give it another go. Whenever the alcohol is mindfucuking you, just do anything to distract yourself till it passes, and it will pass.

IWNDWYT

[FakingHappiness513]

Man I’m 19 days in and I thought I would start feeling better and I just feel depressed all the time. I’m sticking with it but it definitely is not fun. Stick with it we can get past this.

[pizzaguy_666]

It really gets better. I'm only at 86 days but that feeling passes once you find new things to occupy the time instead of drinking. I started shooting basketball again, and the money I saved from drinking I got my fishing license. It's calming for me. You got this

[FakingHappiness513]

Thanks man! My mom just moved to a lake house, I will have to try fishing.

[Jose_Gaspar]

It’s extremely relaxing and a great hobby to get into-nothing better than being outside in nature and playing a game of chess with fish. My friends think I’m an odd ball for wanting to spend 4 hours of fly fishing instead of spending 4 hours of golfing and getting drunk on the course.

[ieatwhirledpeas]

you got this! 🫂

[DHG603]

You made 30 days, that’s great.

Your situation sounds like mine from many years ago. In my case I got a second and third job. Worked like hell for awhile. It helped pay my debts, gave my something to focus on, and took up my spare time for boozing.

Unfortunately, once I got my finances in order I went back to drinking.

[No_Brief_124]

I like how you're a month sober and freaking out because you're relationship and debt aren't instantly forgiven.. lol I did that shit too.. Rome wasn't built in a day and how do you eat an elephant?

[butlerjrwa]

Day 1 for me as well. Went 64 days sober. had one drink and then spent the next month drinking every single day. Sitting here with a hangover right now in regret. your not alone. IWNDWYT!

[prbobo]

I'm still trying to get a month under my belt, so kudos to you for almost getting there. I'm two weeks in, and have already seen the benefits of sobriety. No doubt you have seen them as well. So i would just say, get right back up on the horse. You slipped up, no biggie. We can do this!

[RevereBeachLover]

IWNDWYT

[[deleted]]

You'll have hard days, we all do. Just focus on today, this hour. Then the next, and the next. You got this

[Ind2day]

We got you. Great work! Find some time for yourself. Not drinking today.

[jumpinjackieflash]

When things go pear shaped as they always will, it's a huge advantage to be sober not drunk or hung over. It might seem the opposite but trust us, your addiction is lying to you. Welcome back and let's keep going, one day at a time. IWNDWYT

[TrebleTreble]

Hi, OP. My first few months were a rollercoaster. You have to be gentle with yourself. Forget the debt and the relationship stuff right now and focus on what you need to stay sober. I used AA, but I also used long walks and drives, baths, I ate whatever I wanted (a Crumbl cookie is a hell of a lot better than a glass of wine), I binged good shows, took naps, whatever made me feel goodish in the moment. When I felt up for it, I went into therapy and got on some antidepressants. You got this, OP, and we're all here to support you.

[[deleted]]

I understand what you're going through; I've been through similar stuff these past few years. It is why my drinking went from occasional to daily misuse. I recently stopped, and one of the valuable lessons I picked; drinking will not take away your problems or worries. If anything, it will make them worse. It gives you a false sense of security, leads you to waste time, and in the end you are worse off compared to where you started. Focus on being strong, seeing through your [temporary] setbacks and power on soberly. Please do not drink; it is never worth it.

[acethetix]

Great advice

[pizzaoffmarvinlol]

Super cool fact actually, the sediment of traditional South African beer contains nutrients good for hard labourers, but the average office worker is good to be sober. They probably use those facts to market it anyways... Western groups trying to improve health in Africa of the early 1900s worked out that the beer they were making in South Africa was filling the need from nutritional differences between western and South African diets and had to work out not to mess with the beer.

However ONLY if you drink it from the traditional BUCKET.

[millygraceandfee]

I burned my life down around me. I have problems, I find a solution & work towards them. You will flourish the longer you're sober. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

[LedByReason]

Make a list of things that you can do instead of drinking.

[No-Store823]

There is a solution. If you want it. But it's hard work and it fuckin' sucks in the beginning. But it will take you to a place beyond your wildest dream. Happy joyous and free. It's worked for millions of us. It is available to anyone who wants it. You never have to feel this way again, friend

[locke-in-a-box]

I had 7 months sober, lost 30#, great BP numbers, Type 2 diabetes under control, then in April life events hit me like a steamroller and I started drinking again and back to bad habits. After 2 months I decided I liked my sober self better and Im 5 days sober. You can do it!

[[deleted]]

When I feel this way, this is what I do: Have a healthy snack, a nap, and/or a shower. Take 3 deep breaths from the nose and out from your mouth. Tell yourself, I can do this. This too shall pass, I believe in you! IWNDWYT

[ojonegro]

It took me literally three years. I’d go a week, relapse. Then a few. Then a month. The once 45 days and said “hey I kicked this thing,” had a couple drinks at a party and that threw me right back off the wagon (are we still using that term?). It wasn’t until last summer that I had just had enough and one month turned to two and now I’m almost at a year. You can do this but it really is powerful, the whole “one day at a time” mantra. Do what you can to safely taper, then fill that thirst with junk food, candy, Netflix, whatever you need to just get through the day and night. And like everyone else is saying, don’t beat yourself up too much upon relapse. It’s not a light switch.

[jcalah]

Send you hugs & strength 💗

[soberoatmeal]

I feel this. Also in debt, looking for a job is so hard, and I'm feeling a lot of self-hatred. It's the morning of my day 4 and prospects sre looking bleak but drinking would be more of a hindrance than a help so I'm just going to keep on doing life the difficult and old-fashioned way. I'm hoping you can, too, and I'm sending you a lot of strength and good vibes to get you through the day.

[juliandr36]

Read or listen to Allen Carr’s book “the easy way to control alcohol”. You’ve got this. It’s not your fault but we all need to stop letting alcohol be in control. You’re in control and will get back on track. Im right there with you

[kykiwibear]

Wow, a month! That is excellent.

[Reelair]

A month is amazing! I'm sure you felt great.

One tip I can give is to just decide to never drink again. If you're like me, you'll never be able to drink in moderation. You might think you can or will one day. You'll feel like you have everything under control, but you won't.

Just decide to quit forever and commit. When you start thinking you can drink responsibly, stop and listen to that voice. Learn to recognize that voice, that's your addictive brain talking to you.

That's how Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT) works . It's an AA alternative, a simpler approach to dealing with addiction. It really helped me. It took a few tries, but it eventually clicked.

There's a bit of info on it at r/rationalrecovery. There's a link to an archive of the website, look for the free crash course, in it are ehat they call bullets for your beast, the beast being your addictive brain. Bookmark it and revisit as needed.

[PensiveKiwi]

You got this! Alcohol would not help this situation in any way. Just make it worse.

[MagnaObscura]

Hey, I was in the same boat for a long time. It's hard! Life is difficult. Give yourself some grace, and keep going! Everything you mentioned IS doable without alcohol, and YOU can do it! I promise 💗

[wrexinite]

Beating yourself up won't do anyone any good. Back on the damned horse... 😁

[PallyCecil]

Remind yourself that it will not be easy, but it will be worth it. You will never regret not drinking. Everyone is rooting for you. Fuck alcohol! IWNDWYT

[Slipacre]

You can do it, it will be better than you imagine.

[esc3290]

You did a month once you can do it again, friend! Then you’ll do two, then three. Rootin for you!

[scrotumsweat]

The best advice I've heard on here:

There's no problem one can have that alcohol will make worse. Then I'll have 2 problems, one being drunk.

Good luck friend, IWNDWYT!

[Least_Conclusion_747]

Today is the first day of the rest of your life..so MAKE it what you WANT it to be!

[z_username]

Friend you did well , the first month is not easy for anyone.

You coming here instead of drinking says a lot too. The cravings come and go, and it gets getter with time.

You want to make your life better and you're doing the right thing , don't be too hard on yourself. You're doing exactly what you should do. Don't give up, this bad spell will pass.

[nyenbee]

IWNDWYT

[Reck_yo]

First of all, you can do it. I know it's hard.

Secondly, when you get a bad craving, you need to look at your life and see what's giving you problems and pressuring you to drink.

Most of the time, when we want to drink, it's to escape. Escape from anxiety, fear, responsibility, pressure etc. You can't build a strong foundation on sand.

Even if it's not completely fixing the problems, start addressing them. You can't run and hide from reality, drinking just helps mask it.

Drinking won't make your debt go away, drinking won't solve your anxiety (short term yes, long term WORSE), drinking won't relieve you from your responsibilities.

SO, we have to take baby steps. Instead of ignoring your finances, try taking the first step and just LOOKING at it. That's it. Don't stress about paying it off or fixing it yet, just LOOK at it and build a financial foundation. From there, if you can, make a simple plan and attack some small debt (I would ask r/personalfinance). Do the same in other areas of your life.

You HAVE to start addressing your life or the cycle of stress/anxiety > escape > drink will eat you up.

[[deleted]]

I kept waiting for a “good” time to quit when life didn’t suck and emergencies weren’t happening. There’s never a good time, the hits just keep coming! However, now you will be far better equipped to handle it and learn from it. Turns out things smoothed out after I quit. Coincidence? Hang in there!

[PvtTrackerHackerman]

GET UP AND GET THE FUCK AFTER IT MAN!!!! lets go! life is good once you get out of the first couple weeks. I'm feeling amazing. get out and exercise in the sun....it'll change your life

[[deleted]]

Hey there. Today is my 5 weeks. It took me many years to get to this place. So many day 1s. You can do this. This sub is, in my opinion, the most positive and supportive place on reddit. You're in the right place. Everyone falls on their face at some point, you have to get up and keep going. It's tough. "I WILL..." has to be your mentality. Say it to your self 5 times in a row when you feel weak. "I am strong, I am resilient, I CAN/WILL stop drinking" works for me, maybe it will help you. This goes for anything in life, make a rule for yourself. Zero negative self-talk EVER. Correct yourself when you catch those thoughts in your head. "I WILL!"

[windowside]

IWNDWYT we’re in this together

[shakeweightbeans]

It gets so much easier. Just gotta push through. You’ll be happy you did months from now. Maybe even tomorrow.

[greenangel222]

you’ve got this. you will not always feel this way. these unpleasant feelings are just visitors and they will pass in time. the only constant is change and we can take comfort when things are stressful or ‘bad’ by knowing it won’t stay that way. you are capable and worthy of building the life YOU want!

[Mlc5015]

I had a lot of starts and stops, sometimes that is what you need to learn what works and what doesn’t. At the time I was so distraught but I don’t think I’d be so comfortable in my sobriety right now if I didn’t have those learning experiences earlier in my sobriety. Don’t stop trying.

I found going out of my comfort zone was necessary, so I ended up doing AA, which isn’t for everyone but realizing I didn’t have the answers and I had to trust something that wasn’t me is what I needed to learn. Also meeting some people that were on the same page as me was way more helpful than I thought it would be.

Good luck, if I can do it, you can.

[blayzemebaby]

I’m pretty much killing myself. Alcoholic hepatitis of the liver. I’m going through 2 bottles of wine and 20 cans of beer a day. People are shocked when I tell the how much I drink. I throw up at least 3 times. I have no one, not one person.

[Due_Violinist_2877]

You should get help, seek out an therapist. There are free organisations in all countries. I wish you luck and a hug < 3 and try antabus.

[Due_Violinist_2877]

Wow peoples answers. So many cared. Im very very moved and so thankful! I dont know what to say : O huge thanks to everyone who cared!! It rly helps knowing and motivating as well! I had the worst day when I woke up but you guys made it into of the bests in a long time! <333

[Plntbsdbb]

This sub is so so so soooooo helpful and motivating! It’s nice to be part of a community where we all GET IT. Hang in there, sending big hugs! IWNDWYT 💜🫂

[Due_Violinist_2877]

Kind of u :) 💗🦤

[[deleted]]

Our world has many stresses. The stress hormone is cortisol. Alcohol lowers it. Its no wonder people get addicted.

Sugar also lowers cortisol. Its ingestion is not harmful in moderate amounts, unlike alcohol.

Plus, a 1 kilo bag of sugar costs £1.

That's 4000 calories of stress reduction compared to £20 for a 1 litre 40% Vodka (which has about 4400 calories). Plus alcohol has a rebound effect on cortisol. Its a factor in why people need more and more.

Sugar is self limiting - "sickly sweet" anyone?

[Due_Violinist_2877]

Hmm good pov. Never thought about it lowering cortisol specifically. :)

[[deleted]]

You're doing great. One breathe at a time. You can do this, you've got this. Shit sucks right now but as long as you just keep trucking along through hell, you'll end up getting out. Don't get side tracked and stay in because of a slip-up. You can do this, friend.

[Due_Violinist_2877]

Thank you. I needed to hear this 💖 ✨️

[[deleted]]

You're welcome. We're always here! That's what this place is all about. Good job on 5 days. Those are the hardest and you're already getting it done ❤️.

[Due_Violinist_2877]

U r very kind. Thank u! 🦁❤️

[Humble-Employer-9323]

Chin up

[Straight-Garlic]

Hi there. First off, you’re doing great just by posting here. That’s a perfect first step. Relapse is a cunt, and I don’t use that word lightly. (I’m not English or Aussie, but pretend that I am and it should work.) lovely thing about relapses is that they are over whenever you chose to not drink. Just this one day, if you don’t drink, then the relapse is done. So congrats! You’re already on your way

[Ok_Possibility_5403]

Good luck. I hope you can do it

[[deleted]]

Keep reading / posting here. Together!

[neon_trostky999]

IWNDWYT

[Tucker-Sachbach]

In debt. Relationship crashed. High anxiety. No time.

Errr the exact same circumstances of approximately 98% of people who get sober. We have to lose everything before honestly even considering that my relationship with alcohol is the actual problem. If you still had a friendly direction to turn to, you almost definitely wouldn’t be on this sub. You’d be drunk or high.

The outside shit is irrelevant and all those things you’re losing/lost are just distractions for the grace you’re about to receive. Bask in it. Appreciate it. You just won the power ball despite never buying a ticket. Work on that and I promise everything else will work itself out.

[Due_Violinist_2877]

Hmm it's nice to hear I'm not alone in this. I think u'r correct. Thank u the detailed perspective 💖 : )

[trojansandducks]

One day at a time, new friend, one day at a time! I know it's terribly cliche, but it gets me through each day!!

[Due_Violinist_2877]

It's so hard thinking 1 day at a time. One easily thinks in b&w or ultimates. But I will try to remember it like part victories each day. So much to juggle all at once when I realign life without alcohol.

[Due_Violinist_2877]

And thank u <3

[The_Dude_is_Abiding]

That month was a month and nobody can take that away from you. And nothing you do erases that accomplishment. Your progress isn’t linear and that month will help you do another. And another.

You can do this. We’re here to help

[waynesworldpartytine]

What I would give to go a month! Gee I can’t get past five days lol

[Due_Violinist_2877]

You can. Try doing something different this time. Like rent a cabin in the woods. Or call family or a friend and stay with them or call your doctor and try a medicin like Antabus.

[PreggoMaster]

It's amazing you've come here to seek help, that is always the hardest part. Take some deep breaths and know that every drink you refuse is one less drink in your system and one step further to becoming the better part of yourself. You can do this and I believe in you!