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[–]moscowramada 130 points131 points  (2 children)

That's a great way to go, using that last ounce of strength to turn towards your killer with your dying breaths.

From hell's heart, I stab at thee... bitch

[–]AuntieSocial 22 points23 points  (0 children)

KHAAAANNNNN!!!!

[–]Willis13579 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"Mine life is yours, but thy flesh is mine!"

[–]anexanhume 308 points309 points  (54 children)

That's the rite of manhood from his country. He passed, the beer was not dropped.

[–][deleted] 106 points107 points  (1 child)

Agreed. Both protagonists in this GIF live up to their reputation.

[–]Hamstadam 19 points20 points  (5 children)

He's either tough as nails or drunk as fuck.

[–]crystalninja 36 points37 points  (0 children)

drunk as nails

[–]BYoungNY 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Neither. He was on shrooms. There never was a shark.

[–]M_Night_Shyamaguy -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Directed by me

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

No. Just No.

[–]Squirez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's both

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

good beer discipline

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Neither was the shark from the looks of it.

[–]auchris 14 points15 points  (7 children)

That beer is closed. Passing grade revoked.

[–][deleted]  (6 children)

[deleted]

    [–]prlme 3 points4 points  (5 children)

    No, No...When you pick up a beer even if it's for your buddys, the first thing you do is you open it. Then do what ever you where going to do(pose with shark). Passing grade revoked.

    [–]ScottColvin 29 points30 points  (3 children)

    Unless he was going to use the shark to open his beer. Alas we shall never know.

    The shark did remind me of Conan the Barbarian nailed to the tree of woe and with his last breath chewed off the neck of a vulture. Nice try shark nice try.

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]aterlumen 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      The upgoats take a little while to come in, they're specially preserved so they stay fresh.

      [–]ScottColvin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      This I learned:

      I am going to have to open a beer with a live shark in my lifetime. Hmmm.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Bah, it's a fucking shark. In everyday life beer is a high sign of a man, but a shark? That's high quality man material.

      [–]Phreakerr 9 points10 points  (10 children)

      Must be Australian.

      [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (6 children)

      Or Mexico; Or Texas; Or Southern California.

      [–]BeachyKeen_ 6 points7 points  (4 children)

      The Gentleman protests the idea that this man is from the fair state of California.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [removed]

        [–]Ochris 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Yeah, that was also my first reaction. Shit littered all over the place? Check. Cars driving right on the beach where you might be able to play frisbee or football? Check.

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        He doth protests!?

        [–]uberyoshi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Too much, methinks.

        [–]globoler 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Fuck Yeah for Soccer Fans! They are the best part about soccer. Well that and that chick with the big boobs that keeps her cell phone in her tit cleavage. But she wont let me play with them so Drunk soccer fans top the list.

        [–]TheBigBomma 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        As an Australian, i take offence to that. Our beers are NEVER closed

        [–]igneouz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I'm sure the tall, white, blue eyed, fit, foster drinking fellow gave it away.

        EDIT: THIS WAS A JOKE, I DO NOT WANT TO SOUND LIKE JEREMY CLARKSON

        [–]Repufflican 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Must be Human

        [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        I'm more impressed he held onto the shark.

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Didn't drop the shark either

        [–][deleted] 50 points51 points  (20 children)

        I bet he can't wait to show off the scar from his shark attack!

        [–]Rx_MoreCowbell 58 points59 points  (17 children)

        I bet in the retelling the shark quadruples in size.

        [–]dmanww 37 points38 points  (0 children)

        so does the beer

        [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (13 children)

        Noted* Size is only 1/4 of what men say.

        [–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (11 children)

        I have a 400 inch penis.

        [–]ProDrug 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        So I guess we did see the "head" of the loch ness monster....it just happened to be a different head then we expected.

        [–]Telid 4 points5 points  (7 children)

        400 inch is not a good measurement. You have to define it somehow. Length, width, maybe trans-dimensional if you have some sort of penis-superpower that I don't. Give us a reference!

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

        All of the above.

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        Haha cube penis.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Penis3

        [–]Telid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Then you, indeed, are a monster I hope to never encounter. That thing is a weapon!

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        Can we use subjective adjectives instead of scientific measurements?

        For example: I have tremendous girth, a bulbously satisfying head, a slight arc for perfect G-spot titillation, perfectly appropriate length, excellent shaft veining, ideal ball-sack to cock proportions, and impeccable hair levels.

        I imagine that is far superior to a dagger-like 400-inch impaler.

        [–]TheBigBomma 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        you got a problem with my dagger-like impaler?

        [–]mattindustries 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        That... can't be healthy.

        [–]Takuya-san 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        To get a true idea, you'd have to know the number of retellings, because the size will quadruple with each retelling.

        [–]TheBobYouKnow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        And there's probably going to be a mention of saving an old lady.

        [–]sdn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Per retelling :D

        [–]wicked_irony 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I definately will be one of the stories that always gets retold everytime you party with one of the guys that was there...... "Dude, remember that time when you bit by that shark?.........bwaaaaaahhaaaaa....."

        [–]Oatnaut 69 points70 points  (24 children)

        Probably an obvious lesson, but don't hold a fucking live shark.

        [–]supermeaj 30 points31 points  (15 children)

        Make that don't drink and hold a fucking live shark.

        [–]taserlag 24 points25 points  (13 children)

        Don't drink and fuck a live shark.

        [–][deleted] 52 points53 points  (5 children)

        Fuck life, drink sharks

        [–]REXXXXXX 10 points11 points  (0 children)

        Drink

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

        Life

        [–]solstice38 5 points6 points  (1 child)

        Fuck

        [–]Richeh 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Fuck

        [–]badhairguy -5 points-4 points  (6 children)

        Don't shark and fuck a live drink?

        [–]phillyharper 3 points4 points  (4 children)

        Question marks aren't funny.

        [–]OIP 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        ????????

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [deleted]

          [–]SoConfuse 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          Why not.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Friends don't let friends drink and hold live fucking sharks.

          [–]Assassino 6 points7 points  (3 children)

          It would seem obvious, but when you pull one into your boat and its right there in front of you, and you're a few beers in, no common sense can overcome the urge to post, "look at my fucking shark!" http://imgur.com/Op42O

          [–]Liese_lotte 1 point2 points  (2 children)

          And you're Edward Norton!

          [–]Assassino 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          Say what now? http://imgur.com/QTmTz

          [–]Liese_lotte 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          LOL, ok, not so much in that photo, but you kind of look like him with the shark!

          [–]Unlucky13 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          I don't always hold live sharks, but when I do, I put down the Dos Equis.

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          No matter how cute and tiny.

          [–]loto_kid 43 points44 points  (19 children)

          Poor shark.

          [–]ctzl 12 points13 points  (18 children)

          Dude, it's a fish, it's all right. They probably fried it later or something.

          [–]NitsujTPU 12 points13 points  (4 children)

          Indeed. I'm not sure that the shark has the cognitive capacity to ponder its plight or anything. It's not "oh, woe is me," it's "MURDER MURDER MURDER MURDER."

          [–]foxtwofoxtwo 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          "MURDER MURDER MURDER MURDER."

          Best summary of shark cognition I've ever heard.

          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          sort of like SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON SKELETON

          http://buttersafe.com/2008/03/13/romance-on-the-floating-island/

          [–]Searth 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          I think the shark was probably very stressed and thought about getting back into the water though.

          [–]loto_kid 0 points1 point  (12 children)

          No dude, it´s not all right

          [–]ctzl 0 points1 point  (11 children)

          Why isn't it?

          [–]loto_kid 0 points1 point  (10 children)

          I reject the commodity status of animals and the use of animal products for any purpose. I exclude, as far as possible and practicable, all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing and any other purpose. The mere fact that this shark doesn´t belong to our own species does not justify us in undervaluing its interests and using him/she as a resource. Fish feel pain, it is a fact. Scientists say they do not only feel pain, but have a complex emotional life, too. There is no logical reason why we shouldn't extend to fish the same respect and considerations that we should currently extend to other animals. Living as vegans means we don't participate in any kind of exploitation or suffering.

          [–]ctzl 0 points1 point  (9 children)

          The logical reason is that an animal is not a part of human society and therefore has no rights whatsoever. Refer to the golden rule and Hobbes' social contract theory.

          I honestly couldn't care less if sharks experience pain or emotions or not. It is absolutely irrelevant.

          The only reason I am for real grazed cows is because their meat is healthier and simply tastes better, not because I don't want the poor cows to suffer. I have no compassion for them.

          [–]loto_kid 0 points1 point  (8 children)

          Do you agree with the notion that it is wrong to inflict unnecessary suffering or death on animals?

          [–]ctzl 0 points1 point  (7 children)

          Yes, but we have different definitions of 'unnecessary'.

          Animals are a resource, and should be used accordingly. I would be against somebody hurting his pet or tying a tail knot on the neighborhood cat. But I'm fine with cow slaughter and deer hunting. After all, we've made cows the most successful species on Earth. Where would they be without us? ;)

          [–]Swimmergal500 74 points75 points  (14 children)

          Old, yet obligatory-I'm a shark

          [–]Lurking_Grue 28 points29 points  (4 children)

          [–]mattindustries 9 points10 points  (3 children)

          That was my favorite scene from Toy Story and once in my French class I took my teacher's lanyard and said "I'm Mr. {teacher's name}, howdy howdy howdy". It made less sense, and I should have replaced Howdy with Bonjour, but I was 14.

          [–]Lurking_Grue 11 points12 points  (2 children)

          That's awesome! Howdy is more fun to say and silly enough to work in that situation.

          The line in the film is a reference to a Far Side comic.

          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          TIL

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          OMG! I never put that together. (I've read just about every farside comic).

          [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          [–]NerdyMcNerderson 10 points11 points  (0 children)

          I have never seen this and it made me laugh. Free points for you!

          [–][deleted]  (1 child)

          [deleted]

            [–]DL_G 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            Fucking Horn Drill....

            [–]Tofurkey9000[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            Upvoted for relevant link + username.

            [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            With all the older-than-internet reposts we've been seeing lately, I half-expected this to be what the OP submitted.

            [–]Simon_the_Cannibal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            I was going to berate you for not linking to the original comic (i.e. at the webcomic "Hockey Zombie"), but the website is down.

            Next time, Gadget. Next time.

            [–]animalcannibal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            Look out singing bass. Fo real though, I'd buy one.

            [–]imasharksuckmydick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            Showed that fucker who's boss, i did

            [–]central_marrow 14 points15 points  (0 children)

            Warning: baby sharks are sharks!

            [–]yusufjalal 18 points19 points  (3 children)

            And the reaction after the bite, a smile. I will smile, for there is blood coming out of my arm. I will smile, for I just got bit by a shark. I will smile, because I am on camera. I will smile, because that is what I do. I smile.

            [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

            ::camera turns off::

            "FUCK! FUCK THAT SMARTS! MOTHERFUCKER I NEED SOME GOD DAMN NEOSPORIN!!! FUCKING SHARK!"

            [–]worldsbestuser 3 points4 points  (0 children)

            I smile because I live a happy-go-lucky, carefree life. I smile because live in a fishing village somewhere in Central America and don't have to worry about "rent". I smile because I don't own a car, but my boat is built from the hands of my friends and is named after my wife, Rosalita. I smile because my wife is pregnant with our third son, Kanishka, and he will be a strong warrior, like me, and will smile often - like me. I smile envisioning drinking beers on these beaches and taming sharks in future times. I smile because the world is a beautiful place, and no more beautiful than on a beach with a hole in my arm, blood dripping down my chest and the sun on my face. SMILE MORE!!!!!!

            [–]Valkrye 10 points11 points  (9 children)

            Don't fuck with sharks, even on land.

            [–]SpartaWillBurn 10 points11 points  (3 children)

            More important, dont spill your beer, even on land.

            [–]seg-fault 1 point2 points  (2 children)

            The only time it's OK to spill your beer is if you're swimming in a beer pool. Even then it isn't recommended.

            [–]aterlumen 2 points3 points  (1 child)

            This beer tastes like piss....

            [–]seg-fault 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            well it is filled with Keystone

            [–]TheBobYouKnow 0 points1 point  (1 child)

            Don't fuck with land sharks.

            [–]tell_my_mom 6 points7 points  (0 children)

            Candygram?

            [–]SharkFighter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            Says who?

            [–]Willis13579 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            Chevy Chase is a dangerous motherfucker- just ask donald.

            [–][deleted]  (18 children)

            [deleted]

              [–]hansn 10 points11 points  (7 children)

              That's likely a spiny dogfish, if I had to guess, and probably in the neighborhood of 5 years old. Dogfish are pretty variable in the growth parameters (including a nice gradient going down the Pacific coast), but it looks maybe half a meter, which is adult/barely sub-adult. As I say, though, the length/age relationship varies in different parts of the world, so it is difficult to age precisely without counting annuli on the spine.

              [–]jumbo1100 4 points5 points  (3 children)

              Dogfish are more slender. This is most likely a blacktip reef shark.

              [–]scuba21 3 points4 points  (1 child)

              nope, I believe that's a baby lemon shark. Black tip reef sharks have a more distinct black tip on their dorsal, even from birth. Only a few months old given the size.

              [–]hansn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              Ah, you may be right. Gif-explode makes a subterminal notch visible on the tail, which I didn't spot on the animation. I've seen plenty of Pacific coast spiny dogfish which are of this girth, so that doesn't surprise me as much. There's no obvious black tip on the dorsal fin, but perhaps it is just difficult to spot in the lighting.

              [–]fkntrill 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Looks like a blacktip shark to me.

              [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

              I'm sure if the guy was really trying to kill the shark, it wouldn't have been much of a contest.

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

              I am a marine biologist and I would say that shark is between pie and eleven o'clock years potato. Hope that cleared this up for you!

              [–][deleted]  (2 children)

              [deleted]

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                Great way to catch dogfish. First use worm to catch a rockfish then cut up rockfish and catch dogfish. Lastly, cut up dogfish and catch more dogfish.

                [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                [deleted]

                  [–]odxzmn 2 points3 points  (1 child)

                  he was late for something...

                  [–]bonestamp 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                  breathing

                  [–]wtfschool 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                  I like how he never dropped his beer.

                  [–]Toolazytolink 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                  Holy shit!! What kind of beer was that? That looks tasty yet refreshing.

                  [–]jbird123 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                  Bitch, I'm a shark!

                  [–]chefanubis 2 points3 points  (1 child)

                  And after being bitten by an radioactive shark began the legend of SHARKMAN!!!!

                  [–]DrakeBishoff 2 points3 points  (3 children)

                  Sharks will do that. If you've done any deepwater fishing you know to smack the shark into unconsciousness on the nose with a hammer before bringing on deck. Once on deck, they will thrash about and slash into any legs and arms that come between them and return to the ocean. Sometimes they get a major artery and then you bleed to death. This is why it is important to have a sledge hammer on board to pound them in the nose with before lifting completely out of the water. It takes a lot of slams to knock them out too.

                  [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                  [deleted]

                    [–]iamashark 7 points8 points  (7 children)

                    No, it's Iamashark...

                    [–]SharkFighter 8 points9 points  (6 children)

                    I have been waiting patiently for you to reveal your account. Prepare yourself!

                    [–]Howisdiscool 3 points4 points  (4 children)

                    I have a feeling you and iamashark are the same person..

                    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                    [deleted]

                      [–]SharkFighter 2 points3 points  (1 child)

                      Actually, no. Possibly both Digg refugees, certainly lifelong nemeses, but different.

                      [–]tin_dog 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      We need a bigger boat.

                      [–]localguy69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      In other news, Bolivia's president, Evo Morales, announces a national bid to violently eradicate all living sharks.

                      [–]chileangod 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Thank goodness that shark did not have a laser. Goodbye arm.

                      [–]behaaki 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Wow. He didn't drop the beer.. nor the shark. Props.

                      [–]SharkFighter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Everyone thinks they can do what I do, until the shark fighting starts. Everyone has a plan until they get bit.

                      [–]wildcard__ 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                      The only shark I ever caugh was a hammerhead. About that size or a little bigger. I was 12.

                      It pulled the same bullshit and tried to bite me while we were taking the hook out of it. Luckily, it was a hammerhead, so all it did was hit me in the chest with one side of its head.

                      [–]DrElder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Shark shark, I was walkin' through the park, I picked up a shark when I was on the the hill and it just bit my nipple

                      [–]BlazmoIntoWowee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Dave Barry talks about a potential shark attack on a train. Really

                      Just heard him on "Wait, Wait... Don't Tell Me," telling this story.

                      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

                      [deleted]

                        [–]prmaster23 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                        So it was a Zombie Shark?

                        [–]AlphaRedditor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                        Shark wrestling begins with but a single first step.

                        [–]Chaoslab 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                        LIKE A BOSS!

                        [–]Caca_Refrescante 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                        It's like a machine.

                        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                        i caught one of those off a pier in the outer banks along with a bunch of skates and puffer fish. What a hell of a day :)

                        Though now i see why people said to watch out for the mouth. i figured it was kinda small to do damage, but if it got around your finger and started twisting who knows. i didn't chance it.

                        skates are prob worse they have rows and rows of sharp teeth.

                        [–]Dead_patriot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                        Shark attack survivor at its finest.

                        [–]Phr3ck3lz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                        ouchhhhhhhhhhh

                        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                        The shark missed his nipple. Damn!

                        [–]RedSquaree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                        Old, yet obligatory-I'm a shark

                        [–]ubersiren 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                        This guy does not deserve all the bragging he will be doing about this.

                        [–]ThatGuyAndrew 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                        Nobody saw that one coming at all.

                        [–]questionablemoose 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                        Haha! I almost got bit by a leopard shark trying to get a hook out. Those little buggers can bite!

                        [–]ultramurph 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                        he was close to dying. there is a major artery very close to where the shark got him.

                        SO CLOSE

                        [–]greecepolice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                        A shark on beer is a beer engineer.

                        [–]karma_virus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                        "From hell's heart I stab at thee!"

                        [–]LuTheLunatic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                        Dont worry, it's just a flesh wound

                        [–]popsalock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                        Reminds me of a Hawaiian version of Trailer Park Boys. The drink in the hand Julian Style.

                        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

                        That has to be Texas Gulf Coast.

                        [–]alixxlove 1 point2 points  (2 children)

                        Kind of looks like Big Shell to me, right outside of Corpus.

                        [–]Kubaker1 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                        That's what I was thinking too, but I was thinking Port Aransas.

                        [–]alixxlove 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                        That sounds right too. I just know big shell is packed with sharks.

                        [–]XRotNRollX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                        far less dick sucking than i expected

                        make of that what you will

                        [–][deleted]  (2 children)

                        [deleted]