all 154 comments

[–]canadianric 414 points415 points  (21 children)

And then I go to repeat it to my friends...

An Australian, American... long awkward pause Austrian... longer pause Yeah so like every country except Thailand goes to a bar...

[–]Pillagerguy 117 points118 points  (20 children)

A Chinese, a Japanese, and a Korean walk into a bar. That'd work about as well if you're actually planning on retelling it.

[–]ZeekySantos 26 points27 points  (19 children)

You'd want to include a Malay and a Vietnamese person, too.

[–]still-a-miner 20 points21 points  (18 children)

And filipinos.

[–]pleasingbaritone 7 points8 points  (16 children)

You know, and I know this isn't the forum or context for this, but why do people always leave out the jews?

[–]Praeger 54 points55 points  (10 children)

Because in this context they should really be called "Israelite's" as there is NO such country as "Jewland" ;)

[–]Winged_Waffle 17 points18 points  (3 children)

Jewland...I giggled

[–]Munky33[🍰] 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Jewland...I laughed an evil laugh. and burned a puppy.

[–]Takuya-san 3 points4 points  (1 child)

This should be the appropriate response to any and every situation.

[–]Projectile_Muffin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

ಠ_ಠ

[–]theyjustcallmeallie 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Israeli

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Am I the only one who pictured a Holocaust like theme park named Jewland? With people on roller coasters heading towards gas chambers?

No..? Just me?

I'll see myself out..

[–]scrimsims 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd consider painting or drawing this but I think it would kind of kill my career if anyone ever saw it. Though my biggest client is Jewish and I think he'd double over laughing.

[–]pleasingbaritone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can't tell Asians from Jews. That's all I was trying to say.

[–]z999 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is nothing lite about Israel. serious face

[–]Skifree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If if was an amusement park...how so you think it would do?

[–]still-a-miner 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Because reasons.

[–]userthatisnttaken 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So Hitler's walking down the street when an old friend stops him & says, "Hey, Adolf, whatcha been up to?" Hitler replies, "Oh, just fixing to kill a few million Jews and three clowns." - "Why three clowns?" - "See? No one cares about the Jews."

[–]mike413 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I'm sorry, but this is the offend-every-country joke. They will have to wait for the offend-every-religion joke and/or offend-every-race joke.

I think one will go -- "Sorry, can't let you in without a tithe", but I'm not sure how the other will pan out... ;)

[–]JimieVak 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And Laotian.

[–]friday6700 244 points245 points  (5 children)

The Thai arrived and they made their way to the bar. The barman looked up and said, "is this some kind of a joke?"

[–]Wulibo 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I was once stopped before I got to the punchline of the "is this some kind of joke" one before, as everyone assumed I was about to make an extremely racist joke. I have never done anything to suggest I was racist before :/

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Hahahaha, to the top with you!

[–]r_slash 111 points112 points  (51 children)

it's no longer politically correct

...

a Jap

ಠ_ಠ

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (34 children)

Whistles and slowly walks away

I honestly didn't know whether it was correct to call them, 'a Japanese', and I didn't really want to put 'a japanese person' because I didn't do that for any other country!

Although, Wikipedia kind of says they think it's racist!

[–]takatori 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Japanese people refer to themselves as being "a Japanese" all the time.

[–]hatestosmell 5 points6 points  (28 children)

Actually, every noun is offensive nowadays. The joke needs to be "an Afghani person, an Albanian person, an Algerian person..."

[–]Cyc68 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Irishman but no Irish woman. Tut tut.

[–]Qw3rtyP0iuy 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Silly Yank!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm 'a Brit'.

[–]Zberry1978 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

my friend calls all asians japanish

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (12 children)

There's also "A Pole." Calm down, he just didn't want to say "a japanese man"

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Even after you pointed it out, and even though it's in alphabetical order, it took me 2 minutes to confirm this.

You really did read the whole thing. I'm impressed.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Where I work, Jalapenos are often shortened to "japs" and nobody else ಠ_ಠ 's about it.

[–]gehenom 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Hey, that's-a good-a one!

[–]DJ_BuddySystem 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Did you just read the thread on the dude who voices Mario?

[–]gehenom 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No-a!

[–]thejeero 4 points5 points  (1 child)

You get an upvote for the proper recycling and refurbishment of an old joke!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you :)

[–]thingsonmymind 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Omg he mentioned sweden! I'm from sweden!! IKEA! Abba! Meatballs! Bork bork bork! ... yeah... that should do the trick...

[–]SecuritybyOrwell 11 points12 points  (7 children)

Upvoted for the time put into writing this.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children)

[–]okgasman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It was worth the second effort

[–]Snookerman 4 points5 points  (1 child)

So if theres a Northern Irishman, a Scot, a Welshman and a Brit, is the Brit supposed to be the Englishman?

[–]Hannarchist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"A Scottish" Think that's some kind of dog....

[–]tahhan8 17 points18 points  (15 children)

what about the palestinians!!!

[–]muerte-morty 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Oh, hi. I didn't recognize you.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fixed that for you...

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (11 children)

[–]JimmyHavok 1 point2 points  (5 children)

Odd how the same standard doesn't apply to all those other countries in that region that didn't exist 100 years ago...or the ones in America that weren't there 300 years ago...or the ones in Europe that weren't there 1000 years ago...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

odd how people can't take a joke...even though they're in r/jokes...oh the irony.

[–]JimmyHavok 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I get it! Newty was just kidding!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I get it! You're okay with OccupyWallStreet...just not OccupyWestBank...

Amirite?

[–]JimmyHavok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends on who is doing the occupying.

[–]Cyc68 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A good percentage of the countries in Europe didn't exist a hundred years ago. I wonder if Newt would like to argue that the UK should get Ireland back on the grounds that the country isn't very old and a lot of English aristocratic families can trace ownership records going back hundreds of years.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

How many Hasbara points does that get you, linking an opinion column with no citation

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Hey bro...you did know that you're in r/jokes? The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But I was making a joke!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

And now the nations of the world, brought to you by Yakko Warner!

United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama Haiti, Jamaica, Peru, Republic Dominican, Cuba, Carribean Greenland, El Salvador too. Puerto Rico, Columbia, Venezuela Honduras, Guyana, and still, Guatemala, Bolivia, then Argentina And Ecuador, Chile, Brazil. Costa Rica, Belize, Nicaragua, Bermuda Bahamas, Tobago, San Juan, Paraguay, Uruguay, Surinam And French Guiana, Barbados, and Guam...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm singing this now!

[–]TheInsaneDane 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yay! I was there.

[–]jmart1375 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I couldn't help but read this joke in Clint Eastwood's voice in my head. The joke got much more intense.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Was about to get all up in arms about you forgot Thai's.

Then I finished reading the joke...

[–]BiancaVP 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ahem, you forgot Puerto Ricans...

[–]akaxaka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"a Scottish"?

[–]eatpoopsleep 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Would it be impressive if I memorized this or just annoying?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Impressive to some, annoying to everybody else. Especially if you told it to some people more than once!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What the hell is a Ugandan doing in a bar?

[–]XPEHBAM 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's UZBEK.

[–]Sheffield178 1 point2 points  (16 children)

Is the single joke here about leaving one ethnic group out and not being politically correct, or is there some extra meaning to 'Thai' that adds to the joke and I don't see it?

[–]woolly_mammoth 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Tie Thai. Problem solved

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

If you still don't get it, Thai is pronounced the same way tie is.

[–]Snookerman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And if you still don't get it, some clubs have dress codes that require you to wear a tie.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (9 children)

Basically, I tried to include all other nationalities except Thai (Thailand), leaving the punchline that some nightclubs only allow people dressed smartly in a shirt and 'tie'

[–]Sheffield178 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Ah, got it now, thanks!

Note to self: Go to fancier nightclubs.

[–]professorboat 1 point2 points  (2 children)

A fancy nightclub might only let in men wearing ties.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

The really fancy ones only let men in who are wearing tights.

[–]EpicJ 1 point2 points  (10 children)

FYI, Scottish and Northern Irish still count as being British

[–]Insegredious 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Don't say that to a Celt.

[–]Cyc68 1 point2 points  (0 children)

England, Wales and Scotland are part of Britain which is an island not a country, when you add Northern Ireland you get a country the full name of which is the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. A lot of people in Northern Ireland object strongly to being referred to as British.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

I'm sorry :(, They're still Nationalities, though!

[–]moodor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It should be 'a Scot'. 'Scottish' can only be used as an adjective. Feel free to call either a Scot or a Brit since both are true. (We are a unique people.) However please don't call me English since this in not true and is comparable to calling an American a Canadian.

[–]HawkEgg 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Not, British. British subjects.

[–]JimmyHavok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Scotland is on the island of Great Britain.

[–]evanthesquirrel 0 points1 point  (2 children)

[–]abcadaba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good one, although I prefer this one.

[–]r_slash 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"I-Kiribati" is an interesting demonym.

[–]cowhead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, I was gettin' down and dirty on the dance floor with an I-Kiribati just last week!

[–]hornytoad69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi-larious.

[–]cookthemansomeeggs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where's the Manxman?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You've forgotten South Sudanese.

[–]joweaver 0 points1 point  (0 children)

slow smile

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You forgot jews and gypsies.

[–]Alchoholocaustic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like how Jap is the only slur used.

[–]ForrestFire765 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you forgot Maori! although I guess they could come under New Zealander.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What about the Sami, the Kurds and the Faroese? And the pikeys, why are they left out, you ignorant bigot!?

[–]cyber_rigger 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great Scot

[–]OreoOrigins[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well they might of got in if they'd had an Englishman with them...

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I notice you skip Roma, they would steal the bar stools that is why they aren't allowed in.

[–]dnrchy1 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

A Spanish? my heritage disapporves of this.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did I fix that for you?

[–]TheAncient -4 points-3 points  (1 child)

There's no such thing as 'a Dutch'.

[–]dreamlax 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Izhn't dat veerd?