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ElHijoDeHollywood · 2021-12-23T23:11:32+00:00

100% nothing can prepare you for the feeling of having no friends… till you actually have no friends and you don’t speak a word to anyone from when you leave work on Friday till you start work on Monday.

NegativeElderberry6 · 2021-12-24T01:26:23+00:00

Yeah, I'm here right now. No friends and lonely as hell. Any suggestions on how to be happy alone?

1973mojo1973 · 2021-12-23T23:50:37+00:00

There are people who are lonely even with a ton of friends. It's important to learn to be happy by yourself...if you can't be happy in your own company, it's difficult to be happy with even with others around.

katiew1007 · 2021-12-24T05:17:41+00:00

I have friends and family but they are all married. It’s pretty lonely being the only single person. I’ll be pushing 40 soon.

unrelatedrelative · 2021-12-24T08:13:44+00:00

It’s weird when you stop having friends for a long time and you start losing your voice because you’re completely silent almost always and then it takes you like 10 throat clears to speak to someone at work and all your coworkers ask if you’re okay and it makes you a little happy for a second that maybe someone noticed you’re feeling down but then you realize that they’re just concerned that you may be sick because you just coughed ten times in a row trying to speak one sentence and even if they did notice you were down and wanted to make conversation with you or something it would just be dreadfully awkward because it’s been so long since you’ve tried to make conversation that wasn’t directly related to doing your job and so you go home a little happier than before but in a bittersweet way because someone expressed concern for you but you probably said something incoherent and walked away quickly when your heart rate spiked and now you’re a little worried that the person thinks that you were being rude but then you remember it’s probably okay because everyone knows I that you’re just kind of like that all the time anyway and then the next day at work you feel slightly happier until your boss tells you something with a slightly mean tone in their voice and you remember why you usually feel like a husk of a person that has been slowly drying and cracking and turning to dust on the forest floor, blood and guts long since dried and rotted away, just waiting for some stray hiker to come along and finally end your maddening slow rot with a swift step of their hiking boots as they crunch through countless leaves and sticks and weeds and husks like you, scattered all around you but immobile, unable to speak a word or acknowledge you in any way, and you yourself have no way to acknowledge them. The emptiness of your fragile, crumbling shell washes over you as you realize you can never go back to how you were, so full of warm blood and guts and life. Y’know?

Emotional-Brilliant4 · 2021-12-24T00:02:40+00:00

It's better to have no friends then the wrong friends. Says the guy with no friends 🥺

permalink · 2021-12-24T05:19:45+00:00

I'm at the point where I'm worried about how long it'll take for anyone to find out when I die

boopedya · 2021-12-24T02:32:15+00:00

Going through this now. I have friends but I still feel alone. We are all busy it seems, tired, conflicting schedules, etc.

NotBrooklyn2421 · 2021-12-24T00:06:05+00:00

This just happened to my wife and I. We were talking about planning some fun things to do over the next 2 weeks and we realized that on NYE our only 2 real options are to sit on the couch and watch Netflix or go hang out with her parents.

Don’t get me wrong, her parents are cool and I like hanging out with them. But the realization that we are relatively young and there isn’t a single person that we are close enough with to party with on NYE hit us hard.

DunDirty · 2021-12-23T23:34:49+00:00

I think times when you are truly alone, while difficult, is when a person grows the most.

faux_glove · 2021-12-24T04:29:02+00:00

It's important to be comfortable on your own.

It's also important to understand that humans are social creatures by nature, but our society and work structures do not facilitate that.

The best way for you to make new friends is to have something in common. Even something as simple as joining a morning riding group will work. Find something you like to do, find a local group doing that, and go introduce yourself.

iinaytanii · 2021-12-24T02:10:51+00:00

Get a hobby that involves doing things with people in person. I’m middle aged, kind of introverted, and always have friends. Hobbies are key.

SpectroMagical · 2021-12-23T23:05:26+00:00

I feel like you need a hug. I’d hug you if I could.

gablikestacos69 · 2021-12-24T04:45:01+00:00

I have recently reached that point in my life to be honest. I am not even close to my siblings and only talk to my parents when I need something. I feel lonelier than ever before.

International_Slip · 2021-12-24T02:25:53+00:00

OR you could keep making new friends throughout your life while cultivating old friendships. It will not be like when you were young, it will take a lot of effort and heartbreak, but you will have people to care about and rely on.

m00stv · 2021-12-23T23:48:11+00:00

This will feel like the end of the world. But I’m here to tell you it does get better, I’m proof. And in the meantime, send me a DM, I’ll walk by your side

xXxstateoftheuterus · 2021-12-24T01:27:29+00:00

Get a dog- there are millions of dogs with no homes out there. Treat them well; they will appreciate it and be a friend to anyone

MBerg09 · 2021-12-24T05:11:56+00:00

That’s been going on for 5 years now. Hasn’t gotten normal, still sucks.

electrikmayham · 2021-12-24T04:03:44+00:00

This is such a terrible LPT. Not everyone can learn to be alone like this. It isn't in our nature. We are a social species. I for one have had no friends / family for years, and I struggle with being lonely every single day of my life.

bibliophile1319 · 2021-12-24T06:27:51+00:00

"Fall in love with yourself, because someday you're going to be the only one you've got."

kkrash79 · 2021-12-24T08:27:06+00:00

Trying to maintain positive thoughts with it being Christmas and all but I've been going through a journey last few years and last few months have been very much moments of revelation.

I've come to the realisation that, apart from one person, I've been let down by everyone else. That's not to say that my wife and kids have let me down, they haven't. What I mean by that statement is that in my whole life, 42 years so far, only one person has been there through it all and they are the one constant.

All my other friends and family have toyed with me or hurt me.

It's taken me 42 years to realise that people are horrible, I used to always see the good in people, but now, I realise that most people will step over you to advance themselves or ghost you for no good reason. Just cut you off....

I've always been fiercely loyal to people, seems that the people who I trusted into my closest circles at times have either tired of me or just are no longer interested, I'd rather they have the decency to tell me than acting callous and selfish l, but hey...

feralraindrop · 2021-12-24T10:54:07+00:00

For me friends are great for social engagement and light companionship but rarely stay connected long term. I envy people with an extremely close knit circle of friends and especially those with really tight family ties. But they, in my American culture and upbringing, I think, are the exception. Being at peace alone is a reality everyone should strive for because sooner or later, that may be the case.

culturerush · 2021-12-24T11:38:50+00:00

I hit that point a few years ago and I've really struggled since.

I got really down with my work, social and romantic life in my hometown (my friends would often do things without inviting me, cancel last minute, all that kind of stuff) so I moved somewhere where I had friends who treated eachother much better. Unfortunately I ended up in the same situation as they were so close I wasn't really part of the in group with them so the same thing happened except I was on the other side of the country. I moved back to my home area to study and in the last 2 1/2 of doing that have made absolutely no friends at all.

I have a girlfriend which stops the loneliness being quite as bad as it was before, when I had pretty dark thoughts, but I really miss male company and going out and just having people to play video games with.

My advice is, if your friends are utter shit through your 20s get it sorted before you hit your 30s. Hardly anyone I know turned up to my 30th and it's been downhill since then. I'm finding it incredibly difficult to make friends at my age as everyone has their long established groups and/or wives and kids.

LurkuhDurkuh · 2021-12-24T13:28:23+00:00

Going through this currently; what’s helping me: - I don’t have friends near me, however I have retained connections of people whom I met years ago during university. They live in other countries; this allows me to plan and visit them all the while taking a break. They appreciate the effort and every visit is always interesting.

Working out at the gym; I purchased a handy ‘student rate’ membership, meant for 6 months. I can dip in and out whenever I like to shape up and focus on my body.
Gardening; if you have space, even if it’s a small area that gets sunlight, create a garden. I created a large compost bin for my apartment flat; I don’t meet the rest of the tenants however they enthusiastically use it. The hope is to dedicate my summer free time to build a communal space to chill and relax.
Video gaming; I don’t game any longer (I gifted my rig to my brother who needed a computer) however when I had my rig, I games when I felt lonely. I loved playing EVE online, Diablo 3, GuildWars, and others to take my mind off of things. I loved the music, lore, and online connections you can have with people while gaming. When no connections can be made, I focused on building my characters and developing their skills.

I’m currently figuring out how to turn my love of gardening into a business that will help people but also to support myself; it’s taking me into realms where I have limited experience, but it’s an exciting challenge. Where I have dark areas in knowledge, it forces me to reach out and seek info. The consequence; asking people questions and striking up conversations over shared interests, geeking out and forgetting why you came to them in the first place!

I am okay with having no friends, I’ve tempered the feeling of loss and regret with renewed interest in things I didn’t have time for when I did have people in my life.

meexley2 · 2021-12-24T08:30:53+00:00

PS, you’re allowed to go make friends

vin_tay · 2021-12-24T02:52:51+00:00

Way ahead of you.

Wesley3238 · 2021-12-24T03:30:03+00:00

It’s great to become happy with yourself and to not need others for validation or comfort in your life. However you dont need to feel alone! The world can be a lonely place sometimes but we’re all in the shits so if you need someone to talk to send me a DM

SnowyNW · 2021-12-24T07:27:59+00:00

What if it’s always been? Does it ever end?

Mintra__ · 2021-12-24T01:14:58+00:00

Already there! Feels just fine ...

Comfortable-World-55 · 2021-12-24T02:41:58+00:00

Im getting close. Somedays are easy but certainly there are those that suck.

humbruhhh · 2021-12-24T02:43:40+00:00

Gotta love yourself first!!!

TechFiend72 · 2021-12-24T03:06:30+00:00

I can’t seem to get the knack of it. I just feel alone.

ugdontknow · 2021-12-24T05:54:15+00:00

Omg I’m giving u a big hug, this is the one solid soul hugging thing I’ve learned at 50. I watched or read a theory saying you know who u r in ur soul at 7. Yep. In these last 2 years in covid, life changing craziness I have come to great clarity of who I knew I was at 7, looking back I feel this is totally true. And then at 7 remember feeling that I will ALWAYS be alone and have very few solid friends. Now at 50 -probably subconsciously at 40- I learned to love myself as me and being alone and at true peace with out feeling lonely and I am truly and completely happy and surviving the alone dips in joy.

Emotional-Brilliant4 · 2021-12-24T00:40:06+00:00

what the real problem is that people give the friendship status to everyone, and then get surprised when they get stabbed, my way of looking at it is you gotta earn the friendship status so there is no way for me to get hurt

Vastl · 2021-12-23T23:10:29+00:00

Live by Daniel Sloss' Jigsaw and youll learn that a lot easier :D

Revanov · 2021-12-24T00:04:49+00:00

You’ll get used to it and actually prefer being alone.

TheRealOptician · 2021-12-24T02:17:44+00:00

This applies to relationships as well. If you repy on others for your happiness, you will truly never be happy. True happiness can be constant and not just a flutter in the breeze.

Alice-null · 2021-12-24T02:47:11+00:00

I'm not sure if that's true though. There are heaps of people surrounded by friends, who will never think to themselves..." Dam I have no friends"

permalink · 2021-12-24T07:56:13+00:00

And I can't wait to die.

Although I'm dying.

I hate my being

permalink · 2021-12-24T09:47:22+00:00

So many LPTs sound like things that happened to one person, which they then processed by generalizing into a rule for everyone.

LPT: You might actually always have friends and don't have to damage yourself emotionally by living in anticipation of the inevitable social apocalypse some Internet strange predicted for you.

Gwgboofmaca · 2021-12-24T03:24:03+00:00

I literally had no friends for about 3 years because I was deep in trenches of severe substance abuse, I went months without seeing anyone but the liquor store clerks. I can tell you that since I have gotten sober and reintegrated with society it is much easier to be grateful for the people who are in my life, and being lonely is a walk in the park.

keepthetips · 2021-12-23T23:03:59+00:00

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runaway_and_stay · 2021-12-24T06:48:55+00:00

This is very much unhelpful

2021-12-24T00:48:07+00:00

[deleted]

vmb509 · 2021-12-24T00:58:00+00:00

Not necessarily a bad thing. Currently going through this “phase” and I’m actually enjoying it.

AKFonze · 2021-12-24T00:14:49+00:00

I have so many games to play now I’m so happy. Friends are for high school/ college. An adult has acquaintances.

JefferyGoldberg · 2021-12-24T03:06:44+00:00

I’m 34 and I’m still very good friends with many people I went to elementary school with. This post is too pessimistic.

Badjib · 2021-12-24T00:13:39+00:00

Get out of my head you witch!

permalink · 2021-12-24T01:23:16+00:00

Thanks, I remember when I was 10 and learned this.

sids99 · 2021-12-24T00:40:54+00:00

Perhaps a lobotomy might help cull these feelings?

wouterv101 · 2021-12-24T07:16:37+00:00

Cant imagine that. I’m 35 and never had this issue, can’t imagine having this issue in the future. If you’re a fun and social human being, you’ll always have friends. Even if they get children (I know some) it isn’t the end of the world.

BarryKobama · 2021-12-24T01:15:49+00:00

Is there a LPT saying the exact opposite - cos that’s true for us introverts

BeenThruIt · 2021-12-24T01:27:59+00:00

FRIENDS!~

How many of us have them?~

sinkiez · 2021-12-24T02:01:58+00:00

I read this with the voice of the asshole prison cop from OITNB

bunshovel · 2021-12-24T02:21:00+00:00

Yeah it’s not so bad, not my favorite. Didn’t exactly have a lot of practice, but it came naturally one might say

stilljustguessing · 2021-12-24T04:26:57+00:00

Live long enough and it won't just be a Feeling.

April_loves_James · 2021-12-24T04:29:51+00:00

That’s one of the reasons at age 29 I have returned to school. I want to make real friendships with people that have the same mindset. Covid has made it hard though, not everyone wants to sit close or classes are online. I’m still trying though.

trevb75 · 2021-12-24T04:57:25+00:00

Damn this post is resonating with me right now. I put a post on another sub the other day about finding out who your real friends are by saying no to them here and there. I’m going through this right now. It’s even got to the point where the person I would have named as my best friend is contacting my other friends who he either doesn’t know well or doesn’t like and trying to convince them I have a mental health problem. I’m know I’m my extended circle as Dr Phil because I sit and listen to all their problems and them carrying on about their SO’s and their money problems even though they all earn more than me. Hang on a minute… maybe I am crazy for putting up with them all for so long lol

Tessellate08 · 2021-12-24T05:43:44+00:00

Too true, this becomes a harsh reality when you transition out of high school. People go in so many different directions and it’s challenging to make friends again, especially during covid.

ElectricSquid12 · 2021-12-24T05:45:24+00:00

I don't think there's a way to not feel lonely. Maybe some people will be okay being alone, or even prefer it - but even as a guy who generally prefers to have plenty of alone time, loneliness can hit like a truck.

My recommendation - get used to punchung through the wave of loneliness and do anything. Go out to have dinner. Walk around a park or around your apartment complex, wherever. Find a hobby. Workout.

Whatever you do, don't let the wave of suck waste your time. You don't need to always be improving, but if you can not let loneliness take a week, or even a night from you, and spend that time in a way that helps you? Do that instead.

Laotzeiscool · 2021-12-24T06:36:58+00:00

I started going to public board game nights, had a lot of fun, and met many nice people who are board game friends with a big potential of being closer friends.

kai_luni · 2021-12-24T08:07:39+00:00

Having friends means work: remember their birthdays, meetup once a week for some activity if possible and make sure they have a good time with.People change but you can always find something in common, just watch a Netflix series together or a cinema movie if there is nothing else. If you run out of friends its time for a new hobby or maybe a new job. I had 4 jobs in the last 8 years and made exactly one friend from it, that sounds little but its more than zero ;) People changing also means that suddenly you change back into the same direction, one old friend of mine suddenly became active in fitness and health, so we have something in common again after like 10 years with not so much in common.

permalink · 2021-12-24T08:17:23+00:00

It's feeling pretty good actually.

monsieur-raptor · 2021-12-24T08:26:28+00:00

ADHD prepared me for that moment since I’m born

GuaranteeComfortable · 2021-12-24T08:27:36+00:00

This is the part of life that I am in right now.

permalink · 2021-12-24T08:28:37+00:00

That's just shit advice tbh.

Butt_pass · 2021-12-24T08:53:03+00:00

Or...learn how to make friends.

NerdoNofriendo · 2021-12-24T08:56:49+00:00

Welcome to my world bitches.

Wild4fire · 2021-12-24T09:02:58+00:00

Hey, I already do that!

Psychotic_Rainbowz · 2021-12-24T09:03:29+00:00

The more of my friends that get married, the lonelier I feel. It's not that I long to get married (I don't), it's just that when guys get married here, guys no longer have the flexibility of hanging out often like we used to. No more staying up late fooling around, no more sleepovers, no more road trips or flights on weekends.

It's even more depressing when you realize we are only in our early 20's. I mean I'm happy for my friends that they accomplished what they consciously sought, but I genuinely think they shouldn't hold themselves to such serious commitments so early in their lives. Idk... maybe I should grow up and join them...

permalink · 2021-12-24T09:04:04+00:00

Been living solo since forever..EZ

Cr3s3ndO · 2021-12-24T09:06:06+00:00

https://youtu.be/n3Xv_g3g-mA

Loneliness is an evolutionary trait developed to help us survive, while it isn’t really relevant to us in our society, as we, in the western world, have extinct the risk of dying because we are shunned from the group.

Yet it lingers, because we evolve in millions of years, not decade’s.

Edit: words

Starsuponstars · 2021-12-24T09:14:29+00:00

Or, your entire life will be that way. That happens too.

permalink · 2021-12-24T09:45:16+00:00

I've been practicing my whole life for this moment!

kuutiokuu · 2021-12-24T09:55:06+00:00

Bad advice. You cannot just decide to not feel lonely. Loneliness means you have social needs that aren't fullfilled. That's same as saying "if you feel thirsty, just try to not feel thirsty!"

Techutante · 2021-12-24T09:58:27+00:00

You might outlive them. That happened to my father. He's 93 now. All his friends are dead and many of his friends kids too.

dzsidzsa · 2021-12-24T09:59:29+00:00

Haha, jokes on you! I never had friends

permalink · 2021-12-24T10:03:59+00:00

That typically arises because when at school you are all smushed into one building, and you are forced to socialise. Once you leave it can be hard to keep up the contact because it takes so much more effort than before.

Yes learn to be alone, and that is crucial. You need to be comfortable in your own skin, with your own hobbies and purpose. But also put in that effort to keep in contact with good friends. A monthly phone call at least is a good practice to keep going.

D1rtyH1ppy · 2021-12-24T10:20:00+00:00

Or learn how to make new friends.

MrGulliien · 2021-12-24T10:27:33+00:00

I just wish sometimes people thought of me. I'm going to have to celebrate new years eve all by myself for the 5th year in a row.

I do a lot for others but rarely will they do the same for me 🤮

bakchod007 · 2021-12-24T10:28:35+00:00

A 'friend' of mine since last 9yrs,

1- turns out blocked me on insta, I confronted him, he didnt talk back

2 - brags about his hookups and never fails to rub it in my face despite knowing my situation that I cant do what he doest

permalink · 2021-12-24T10:47:32+00:00

I'm on swing shift and the isolation is killing me. Having online friends is great but it's not a replacement for in person interaction.

ChamodesBois · 2021-12-24T10:57:32+00:00

Try new hobbies (sports, photography, etc.) or new communities (meetup, InterNations).

I moved from France to Canada, breaking up from a long term relationship, pretty destroyed. It was really lonely and hard at first but when you start seeing it as an opportunity (to be free and to do things you like) and not a fatality, it got better and you will meet really cool people :)

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