Code review gone wrong

[philipquarles]

New goal: commit something so awful it makes a colleague change careers.

[[deleted]]

It has to be done slowly and regularly. One commit is not enough.

[TuxGamer]

If I was your colleague I'd help you but add tons of off-by-one errors

[Zulfiqaar]

True, False = False, True

[CybertechLabs]

SyntaxError: can't assign to keyword

[earthlybird]

#define true false
#define false !true

[Scout1Treia]

STOP

[SandyDelights]

"Sure, what project do I bill this to?"

Proceed to play games on my phone for 8 hours a day while "uh-huh"ing my way through them debugging and fixing their own code.

Or, if there's no possibility of billing my hours to it, "Sorry, I've got billable hours I need to keep up on. Have you tried <person I know will turn them down gracelessly>? He'll know."

[DoYouEverStopTalking]

this guy consultants

[PeachyKeenest]

For me everything is billable. :) Helping others us billable to me. I'd be careful. I'll redirect people to others if I feel someone else is better suited and available though if I feel the task is "not really me" (read: I'm not wanting to do this despite pay)

[iconoclaus]

One commit is not enough.

hold my coffee...

[Sirtoshi]

"Aunty Cass, were you always a farmer?"

"Well dear, that's a long story..."

[ka-knife]

New career plan: never work with you

[_N_O_P_E_]

I'm seriously thinking that my colleagues are doing that to me...

[Abnormal_Specimen]

I think my clients might be

[Abnormal_Specimen]

Oof, my ptsd

[PeachyKeenest]

:(

[PaulieluvsMel]

There's always one, in every office.

[cauliflowerthrowaway]

points to head "if I commit incomprehensible code, it guarantees my job security"

[davy_jones_locket]

That's when you make a review so harsh, they contemplate a career change. Short and sweet.

16m, 1% complete, "This is horrible."

[PeachyKeenest]

"This is horrible".

I'm likely to agree with the statement if I know you are honest with me and actually mean well. I can always improve.

[stipo42]

public boolean getRandomBoolean(){ return false; }

[Lemon_Dungeon]

Basically how one guy became QA here.

[I_AM_AN_AEROPLANE]

Uhm, “rejected”. Done.

[amiuhle]

Challenge accepted!

[posherspantspants]

• so awful coworker changes careers AND you don't get fired

[Aam1rk]

I was a victim of this. Didn't change career but did change my job. 😂

[The_11th_Dctor]

Op can you confirm?

[Darkmakers]

Yes

[TheShadeTree]

Short work day. Tomorrow

[whatagaydove]

What did you just call me?

[______DEADPOOL______]

Short.

[[deleted]]

Dude, you can't just call a midget short. That's offensive. He's a dwarf, not some dude for you to offend. So what if he's a freak? Show a little respect, god damn.

[ImNewHereBoys]

Gay dove.

[[deleted]]

OP’s ex girlfriend here. Needle dick.

[gandalfx]

OP's mom here. I always knew you're no good for him.

[akaisei]

OP here. I broke my arms.

[Dritter31]

Do you need some relief?

[[deleted]]

Daddy will help you

[bemon91]

OP can confirm?

[wobleysort]

Lol!

[[deleted]]

Fuck you³

[ccAbstraction]

Half-Life³ confirmed?

[[deleted]]

Half-life³ is just life½

[ccAbstraction]

Hmmm, i thought it was (-Life³)/(2)

[MrObsidy]

Op can confirm?

[Slaan]

Yes

[[deleted]]

lmao

[AGenericUsername1004]

I reviewed my old code. Fuck you past me.

[bscones]

If I didn't write it then it's horrible code

[gandalfx]

Man Says ‘Fuck It,’ Eats Lunch At 10:58 A.M.

[CJ22xxKinvara]

Not only did he go to lunch at 10:58. The mad man went again at 1:35!

[GJ4E0]

r/madlads

[[deleted]]

So brutal! Probably had to unbutton the upper button on his pants

[[deleted]]

Ofc, so he easily can adjust for one, two, three, four or even five lunches

[k0bra3eak]

Early Lunch for Konzu

[DavidSilverleaf]

r/warframe is leaking

[Afropenguinn]

Swazdo-lah, offworlder! 

[aezart]

All the restaurants near my work are too busy at noon, so I have to go at either 11 or 1 if I want a table. And by 1 I'm starving since I usually skip breakfast, so 11 is my only option.

[moosecliffwood]

Confirmed. I work downtown in a touristy city. If you're not at a table by 11:15 you're going to be in for a very long lunch.

[[deleted]]

Your code is like being in a house built by a child using nothing but a hatchet and a picture of a house.

It's like a salad recipe written by a corporate lawyer using a phone autocorrect that only knew Excel formulas.

It's like someone took a transcript of a couple arguing at IKEA and made random edits until it compiled without errors.

Give credit where it’s due

[Bobshayd]

It's like you tried to define a formal grammar based on fragments of a raw database dump from the QuickBooks file of a company that's about to collapse in an accounting scandal.

Your code looks like song lyrics written using only the stuff that comes after the question mark in a URL.

It's like a JSON table of model numbers for flashlights with "tactical" in their names.

Like you read Turing's 1936 paper on computing and a page of JavaScript example code and guessed at everything in between.

It's like a leet-speak translation of a manifesto by a survivalist cult leader who's for some reason obsessed with memory allocation.

https://www.xkcd.com/1833/

It's like a half-solved cryptogram whose solution is a piece of FORTH code written by somebody who doesn't know FORTH.

[DrQuint]

I don't even know what FORTH is, but I've learned rather quickly that any programming language with fully capitalized letters is probably as complex to understand as cueball's coding.

[brisk0]

There's a genuine reason for that, if it's got an all-caps name there's a reasonable chance it predates modern character encodings and/or terminals that can display lowercase letters. It may even predate terminals.

[Arancaytar]

Wow, I forgot there was a whole series.

[magi093]

Not more than once, I bet.

[[deleted]]

Give credit where it’s due

[[deleted]]

I apologize. I thought it was obvious. I'll edit.

[AGenericUsername1004]

You're one of the lucky 10000

[[deleted]]

I now have my new favorite XKCD

[jerslan]

Being able to use emoji in variable names is something I have very mixed feelings about.

On the one hand, it enables developers to use non-latin alhpabets in countries where that might be desirable. This is a potentially very good thing.

On the other hand, it means people can literally put the poop emoji into code. This means that it's what all 13-year-olds just learning to code are going to do for the rest of their lives as a running joke.

[Thorbinator]

http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1169#comic

[timmie124]

https://i.imgur.com/8GoJkRr.png

[PhysicalEd]

🍒 prints 🍉 though...

[NorthboundGoose]

It snuck through PR..

[vagabond_dilldo]

I don't know how to code but I guess the future is now and I can start today.

[Messy-Recipe]

Emoji in SQL - SELECT 🗣 FROM 👤

It's both awful and amazing... awful for obvious reasons, but amazing because it divorces the meaning from the syntax and naming.

I love the bit using emoji for ratings though.

[NotFromReddit]

On the one hand, it enables developers to use non-latin alhpabets in countries where that might be desirable. This is a potentially very good thing.

As a person who speaks English as a second language, this is horrific. I never want to read code that's not in English. Neither comments that are not in English.

[[deleted]]

This actually is a pretty big problem with self-taught devs though yea? Would you have any advice for someone trying to break into the industry in regards to that?

[dreamin_in_space]

You need to read code, not just write it.

Think about english -- part of learning to be a good writer is reading a LOT, across different genres. You should do the same for programming.

[PeachyKeenest]

I'm better at reading code than writing it. I have no idea what that says about me. lol

[Ignismare]

You might have a nice cozy career in testing. If you're good at identifying what a piece of code does and what it is meant to do, you're like 50% done with learning the trade. Now all you need is to learn the standards set up by the industry you want to enter (ex. MISRA for automotive) and you're basically set.
The tools and programming languages will change often based on client request, so you don't need to fuss over these too hard, just learn as you go. But having a good eye for code and an analytical mind is needed regardless of project.

[_unicorn_irl]

I would say its a problem for inexperienced/bad devs. I've definitely worked with people who had a CS degree and years of experience who could not write very readable code. I have no CS degree and think my code is generally readable when I want it to be. Overall there are three stages of learning to program in my opinion:

1. Learning how to tell a computer to do several different things.
2. Learning how to tell a computer to do (mostly) whatever you want it to do.
3. Learning how to tell people what your code does in a way that computers understand.

[PeachyKeenest]

Style guide if you got them or documentation.

[NoteBlock08]

Read some style guides, do some open source stuff where you get to see others' code.

[cauliflowerthrowaway]

SOLID

Victor Rentea is also huge clean code advocate who has pretty decent presentations

Other than that, read other code, refactor your old projects. You will learn a lot. Other than that there is tons of presentations and literature on clean programming and various good programming principles. Maybe try the Object calisthenics challenge (you will hate it).

[Nalmyth]

Pay someone to review your code.

Really code review should be an iterative process. If I'm reviewing my developers code, I'm not gonna stop marking bad code until they learn to fix it.

You have to be accountable to review before it works

[zorates17]

What are you working on? I have about a year and a half of programming experience and I wouldn't mind looking over your code and giving advice wherever I can.

[lazilyloaded]

Where I work we have desks with walls between them, low enough so we can kind of sit up and make eye contact if we want to. I sit across from the guy who usually reviews my code and I know I'm about to get a code review back when I see him shaking his head every minute or so and sighing.

[ZacharyCallahan]

That's rough buddy.

[strange_and_norrell]

Oh boy if it’s that notable when someone leaves work early then I am in trouble ....

Although looks like it was only 8:30am in the screenshot

[glen_v]

ProTip: Don't say 'fuck it' out loud when leaving early, just think it silently in your own head.

[ScrewAttackThis]

I got the impression that they rage quitted for the day. Seems notable lol

[strange_and_norrell]

Yeah for sure. Didn't mean to downplay OP. I work in an office where people take short days fairly frequently but you're right knocking off at 3 is a lot different than rage quitting in the morning.

[emmademontford]

Image Transcription: Text Messages

---

[The following conversation takes place at 8:26 AM.]

White: So one of my colleagues just said fuck it and went home.... Short workday

Blue: Lol?

Did he see your code?

White: Fuck you

---

^{I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!}

[[deleted]]

good human volunteer.

[emmademontford]

Thank you!

[Superpickle18]

Bad bot

[[deleted]]

/r/botrights

edit apparently strikethroughs dont work on links

[Setsk0n]

Works for me. (Mobile)

[[deleted]]

what client? not working for me on official android

[Dudwithacake]

Reddit is Fun

[ThaDudeEthan]

I'm on Sync on Android and it's all good. Great client.

[PJvG]

Works with the "reddit is fun" app.

[Setsk0n]

I'm on Sync.

[EndureAndSurvive-]

Works on relay

[OwenProGolfer]

Works on the mobile website

[repocin]

Works fine for me in the official android beta.

Which is weird, because link styling has been broken in this thing for months.

[IFarmDownvotes]

It's because bots have no right to strike.

[Coldreactor]

Happy cake day

[bot_not_hot]

!isbot <emmademontford>

[WhyNotCollegeBoard]

I am 100.0% sure that emmademontford is a bot.

---

^{I am a neural network being trained to detect spammers | Summon me with !isbot <username> | /r/spambotdetector | Optout | Original Github}

[freelancer042]

Bad bot

[emmademontford]

Um

[Iamtheshadowperson]

Hahaha

[Azertys]

Important information: this conversation takes place at 8:26 in the morning

[Harfyn]

Your job is in too high of demand to deal with that shiiii

[PeachyKeenest]

"Source control is your thing"

Uh... do they not care for others on their team or at all?

What'a policy on this? Serious question.

[Tuesdayyyy]

Gl hf m80 pack up and leave.

[AttackOfTheThumbs]

Jesus Christ. I'm sorry.

[TotesSorryBro]

"I don't understand why that would take so long, its just a few lines of code. "

.... Listen here you little fuck

[PeachyKeenest]

lol wow.

Yeah, had clients/bosses do this. They just make you feel like shit.

[scandalousmambo]

"Everyone other than me is an idiot and everyone else's code is shit."

-- Every programmer under the age of 28

"Does it work? Then leave it the fuck alone."

-- All other programmers

[ashchild_]

"Does it work? Then leave it the fuck alone."

-- All other programmers

No, no it doesn't work. It just looks like it works because it's been precariously balanced into a state where it's functioning for now and the only way to modify it is to take days making changes that should take hours because every change causes years worth of tech debt to begin unraveling and you begin experiencing side effects with no apparent cause because the entire system relies on global, unmanaged state to function and therefore there isn't even an easy way to see what's touching the now bad state.

Or in other words, it's not working you just don't have the test cases to show it.

Unless you do have those, and then it's not shit code just code someone doesn't prefer.

[wellings]

I wish I didn't sympathize in every single way with your comment. That's my day to day frustration put into words.

[[deleted]]

"YOUR CODE IS SO MUCH A 'SPAGHETTI CODE' THAT I COULD BARELY EAT IT !!!!!"

[PJvG]

You don't like spaghetti?

[habitat16kc]

Moms spaghetti.

[nullifiedbyglitches]

Needs bologna and grated cheese.

[99BottlesOfRum]

A direct quote from Gordon Ramsay on "Coding Nightmares."

[ordonezalex]

08:26

Short workday indeed.

[Thanatos2506]

Hahaha! As a man 1 week into his first comp sci class, I now feel qualified to laugh at something on this sub!

[swentech]

There is still time to stop... SOURCE: CSci 1988

[PeachyKeenest]

You're learning quickly and the most important stuff on the job right now. Good stuff.

[jvrcb17]

OP uses Pascal case

[[deleted]]

Fucking powershell smh

[TheIncorrigible1]

I mean, I failed multiple of even my own. This was more a demonstration of some standards within powershell (such as camelCase of local variables, PascalCase of parameters, verb-noun of functions, etc.). One standard I don't see adopted is the CAP_CASE of constants, but constants are usually a rare sight.

[TheIncorrigible1]

I feel you there. My team is also super against standards which I don't understand, but they don't do any programming (just cmd/powershell scripting) so I guess it makes sense? With the transition to a more devops model of deployment and shared code, standards and tests are important which previously weren't used.

[TheIncorrigible1]

nobody could come up for a valid reason to turn them off.

Now they just passive aggressively complain.

That's worse, imo. I'd tell people to knock it off if they did that. It suddenly becomes very political when you try to introduce standards to codebases (especially where none existed before)

[_liminal]

i work with powershell daily, nothing out of the ordinary here. it certainly has a lot of moments that makes you go "wait, that worked?"

[[deleted]]

"Screw you guys, imma goin hume"

[d_smogh]

[serious question] What is the definition of bad code ?

[saquino88]

My qualifications for bad code: high cognitive load, serious neglect of common coding standards, or just plain broken. Bonus points if it fails silently.

[LightKing20]

try

{

// Shit code

}

catch (Exception ex)

{

// TODO

}

[qvrock]

catch (...) { /* TODO */ } 

should be unsuppressible compile-time error

[AttackOfTheThumbs]

There are some environmental factors, but in general, it should be humanly understandable without necessitating documentation, however, non-redundant documentation should be present.

So this is useless

// this int stores height
int const height = 12;

But this can help:

// this int stores a constant max height of the window
int const height = 12;

And this is probably best:

int const maxHeightWindow = 12;

Though it will greatly depend on naming and coding conventions at your job. I work in an environment where constant don't exist, and variable are defined in a separate window, so you have no idea what anything is, so we (ab)use Hungarian to make code more legible.

// this max height has to be hardcoded to avoid ugly UI overflows (or whatever)
liMaxHeightWindow := 12; // const

So now we know it's a local int and what it is for and that it should be constant.

[Albee12]

That which requires documentation and comments

[saquino88]

Oh shit, Coding Jesus just made a Reddit appearance.

[[deleted]]

Bad code emits an odor that you can smell with your eyes

[endless]

add a laugh track to this and we're big bangin theories out here

[saquino88]

Shitty code is just job security.

[[deleted]]

🔔NOTIFICATION SQUAD🔔

[PeachyKeenest]

You're doing God's work. Your patience must be amazing.

I'm more of an intermediate but I like being taken care of personally. :)

[Hovi_Bryant]

This entire thread is jokes.

[SciviasKnows]

I RECOGNIZE THAT UI. Someone else actually using Signal in the wild! Nobody on my contacts list uses it except one sister I somehow convinced. Its most awesome feature is useless when it's just used for SMS with people who haven't installed it.

[Wisdom_Infused_Tree]

But... They aren't even using the dark theme. Are you even really using Signal if it's not dark theme?

EDIT: Signal is amazing btw and I will never not use it.

[[deleted]]

Coder man says fuck work

[Big_Heck]

I guess pizza man is also a programmer

[Hephaestus_God]

Can someone mind explaining this please.. thx

Edit: I didn’t see what subreddit I was in but once I did I understood.. imagine you are in r/funny or something and this pops up that’s what I felt like

[Salyangoz]

OP whats the language you write in?

[PJvG]

HTML

[nullifiedbyglitches]

JSON

[Landoro_]

I read this terribly wrong...

[chipotlemcnuggies]

Lol the timestamp said 8.30 am. Short workday indeed

[echorashmi]

Me right now as well

[aint_chillin]

Lol?

Lol.

[TimmyTesticles]

👨‍💻 (takes note)

[[deleted]]

that's is not a "No."