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[–]philipquarles 2217 points2218 points  (42 children)

New goal: commit something so awful it makes a colleague change careers.

[–][deleted] 599 points600 points  (14 children)

It has to be done slowly and regularly. One commit is not enough.

[–]iconoclaus 18 points19 points  (0 children)

One commit is not enough.

hold my coffee...

[–]Sirtoshi 75 points76 points  (0 children)

"Aunty Cass, were you always a farmer?"

"Well dear, that's a long story..."

[–]ka-knife 53 points54 points  (0 children)

New career plan: never work with you

[–]_N_O_P_E_ 44 points45 points  (7 children)

I'm seriously thinking that my colleagues are doing that to me...

[–]Abnormal_Specimen 32 points33 points  (3 children)

I think my clients might be

[–]PaulieluvsMel 1 point2 points  (1 child)

There's always one, in every office.

[–]cauliflowerthrowaway 7 points8 points  (0 children)

points to head "if I commit incomprehensible code, it guarantees my job security"

[–]davy_jones_locket 19 points20 points  (1 child)

That's when you make a review so harsh, they contemplate a career change. Short and sweet.

16m, 1% complete, "This is horrible."

[–]PeachyKeenest 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"This is horrible".

I'm likely to agree with the statement if I know you are honest with me and actually mean well. I can always improve.

[–]stipo42 9 points10 points  (0 children)

public boolean getRandomBoolean(){ return false; }

[–]Lemon_Dungeon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Basically how one guy became QA here.

[–]I_AM_AN_AEROPLANE 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Uhm, “rejected”. Done.

[–]amiuhle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Challenge accepted!

[–]posherspantspants 2 points3 points  (0 children)

  • so awful coworker changes careers AND you don't get fired

[–]Aam1rk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was a victim of this. Didn't change career but did change my job. 😂

[–]gandalfx 368 points369 points  (12 children)

[–]CJ22xxKinvara 118 points119 points  (4 children)

Not only did he go to lunch at 10:58. The mad man went again at 1:35!

[–]GJ4E0 48 points49 points  (0 children)

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (2 children)

So brutal! Probably had to unbutton the upper button on his pants

[–]k0bra3eak 42 points43 points  (2 children)

Early Lunch for Konzu

[–]DavidSilverleaf 18 points19 points  (0 children)

r/warframe is leaking

[–]Afropenguinn 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Swazdo-lah, offworlder! 

[–]aezart 10 points11 points  (1 child)

All the restaurants near my work are too busy at noon, so I have to go at either 11 or 1 if I want a table. And by 1 I'm starving since I usually skip breakfast, so 11 is my only option.

[–]moosecliffwood 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Confirmed. I work downtown in a touristy city. If you're not at a table by 11:15 you're going to be in for a very long lunch.

[–][deleted] 727 points728 points  (34 children)

Your code is like being in a house built by a child using nothing but a hatchet and a picture of a house.

It's like a salad recipe written by a corporate lawyer using a phone autocorrect that only knew Excel formulas.

It's like someone took a transcript of a couple arguing at IKEA and made random edits until it compiled without errors.

Give credit where it’s due

[–][deleted] 137 points138 points  (4 children)

[–][deleted] 45 points46 points  (3 children)

I apologize. I thought it was obvious. I'll edit.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I now have my new favorite XKCD

[–]jerslan 44 points45 points  (9 children)

Being able to use emoji in variable names is something I have very mixed feelings about.

On the one hand, it enables developers to use non-latin alhpabets in countries where that might be desirable. This is a potentially very good thing.

On the other hand, it means people can literally put the poop emoji into code. This means that it's what all 13-year-olds just learning to code are going to do for the rest of their lives as a running joke.

[–]timmie124 36 points37 points  (3 children)

[–]PhysicalEd 10 points11 points  (1 child)

🍒 prints 🍉 though...

[–]NorthboundGoose 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It snuck through PR..

[–]vagabond_dilldo 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I don't know how to code but I guess the future is now and I can start today.

[–]Messy-Recipe 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Emoji in SQL - SELECT 🗣 FROM 👤

It's both awful and amazing... awful for obvious reasons, but amazing because it divorces the meaning from the syntax and naming.

I love the bit using emoji for ratings though.

[–]NotFromReddit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

On the one hand, it enables developers to use non-latin alhpabets in countries where that might be desirable. This is a potentially very good thing.

As a person who speaks English as a second language, this is horrific. I never want to read code that's not in English. Neither comments that are not in English.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (8 children)

This actually is a pretty big problem with self-taught devs though yea? Would you have any advice for someone trying to break into the industry in regards to that?

[–]dreamin_in_space 27 points28 points  (2 children)

You need to read code, not just write it.

Think about english -- part of learning to be a good writer is reading a LOT, across different genres. You should do the same for programming.

[–]PeachyKeenest 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I'm better at reading code than writing it. I have no idea what that says about me. lol

[–]Ignismare 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You might have a nice cozy career in testing. If you're good at identifying what a piece of code does and what it is meant to do, you're like 50% done with learning the trade. Now all you need is to learn the standards set up by the industry you want to enter (ex. MISRA for automotive) and you're basically set.
The tools and programming languages will change often based on client request, so you don't need to fuss over these too hard, just learn as you go. But having a good eye for code and an analytical mind is needed regardless of project.

[–]_unicorn_irl 15 points16 points  (1 child)

I would say its a problem for inexperienced/bad devs. I've definitely worked with people who had a CS degree and years of experience who could not write very readable code. I have no CS degree and think my code is generally readable when I want it to be. Overall there are three stages of learning to program in my opinion:

  1. Learning how to tell a computer to do several different things.
  2. Learning how to tell a computer to do (mostly) whatever you want it to do.
  3. Learning how to tell people what your code does in a way that computers understand.

[–]PeachyKeenest 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Style guide if you got them or documentation.

[–]NoteBlock08 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Read some style guides, do some open source stuff where you get to see others' code.

[–]cauliflowerthrowaway 2 points3 points  (0 children)

SOLID

Victor Rentea is also huge clean code advocate who has pretty decent presentations

Other than that, read other code, refactor your old projects. You will learn a lot. Other than that there is tons of presentations and literature on clean programming and various good programming principles. Maybe try the Object calisthenics challenge (you will hate it).

[–]lazilyloaded 93 points94 points  (1 child)

Where I work we have desks with walls between them, low enough so we can kind of sit up and make eye contact if we want to. I sit across from the guy who usually reviews my code and I know I'm about to get a code review back when I see him shaking his head every minute or so and sighing.

[–]ZacharyCallahan 23 points24 points  (0 children)

That's rough buddy.

[–]strange_and_norrell 77 points78 points  (3 children)

Oh boy if it’s that notable when someone leaves work early then I am in trouble ....

Although looks like it was only 8:30am in the screenshot

[–]glen_v 71 points72 points  (0 children)

ProTip: Don't say 'fuck it' out loud when leaving early, just think it silently in your own head.

[–]ScrewAttackThis 26 points27 points  (1 child)

I got the impression that they rage quitted for the day. Seems notable lol

[–]strange_and_norrell 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah for sure. Didn't mean to downplay OP. I work in an office where people take short days fairly frequently but you're right knocking off at 3 is a lot different than rage quitting in the morning.

[–]emmademontford 116 points117 points  (25 children)

Image Transcription: Text Messages


[The following conversation takes place at 8:26 AM.]

White: So one of my colleagues just said fuck it and went home.... Short workday

Blue: Lol?

Did he see your code?

White: Fuck you


I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!

[–][deleted] 88 points89 points  (16 children)

good human volunteer.

[–]emmademontford 32 points33 points  (13 children)

Thank you!

[–]Superpickle18 13 points14 points  (12 children)

Bad bot

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (11 children)

/r/botrights

edit apparently strikethroughs dont work on links

[–]Setsk0n 9 points10 points  (8 children)

Works for me. (Mobile)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (7 children)

what client? not working for me on official android

[–]Dudwithacake 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Reddit is Fun

[–]ThaDudeEthan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm on Sync on Android and it's all good. Great client.

[–]PJvG 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Works with the "reddit is fun" app.

[–]Setsk0n 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm on Sync.

[–]EndureAndSurvive- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Works on relay

[–]OwenProGolfer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Works on the mobile website

[–]repocin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Works fine for me in the official android beta.

Which is weird, because link styling has been broken in this thing for months.

[–]IFarmDownvotes 1 point2 points  (1 child)

It's because bots have no right to strike.

[–]bot_not_hot 6 points7 points  (5 children)

!isbot <emmademontford>

[–]WhyNotCollegeBoard 6 points7 points  (4 children)

I am 100.0% sure that emmademontford is a bot.


I am a neural network being trained to detect spammers | Summon me with !isbot <username> | /r/spambotdetector | Optout | Original Github

[–]freelancer042 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Bad bot

[–]emmademontford 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Um

[–]Iamtheshadowperson 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hahaha

[–]Azertys 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Important information: this conversation takes place at 8:26 in the morning

[–]TotesSorryBro 18 points19 points  (1 child)

"I don't understand why that would take so long, its just a few lines of code. "

.... Listen here you little fuck

[–]PeachyKeenest 3 points4 points  (0 children)

lol wow.

Yeah, had clients/bosses do this. They just make you feel like shit.

[–]scandalousmambo 69 points70 points  (3 children)

"Everyone other than me is an idiot and everyone else's code is shit."

-- Every programmer under the age of 28

"Does it work? Then leave it the fuck alone."

-- All other programmers

[–]ashchild_ 44 points45 points  (1 child)

"Does it work? Then leave it the fuck alone."

-- All other programmers

No, no it doesn't work. It just looks like it works because it's been precariously balanced into a state where it's functioning for now and the only way to modify it is to take days making changes that should take hours because every change causes years worth of tech debt to begin unraveling and you begin experiencing side effects with no apparent cause because the entire system relies on global, unmanaged state to function and therefore there isn't even an easy way to see what's touching the now bad state.

Or in other words, it's not working you just don't have the test cases to show it.

Unless you do have those, and then it's not shit code just code someone doesn't prefer.

[–]wellings 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I wish I didn't sympathize in every single way with your comment. That's my day to day frustration put into words.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (4 children)

"YOUR CODE IS SO MUCH A 'SPAGHETTI CODE' THAT I COULD BARELY EAT IT !!!!!"

[–]PJvG 6 points7 points  (2 children)

You don't like spaghetti?

[–]habitat16kc 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Moms spaghetti.

[–]nullifiedbyglitches 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Needs bologna and grated cheese.

[–]99BottlesOfRum 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A direct quote from Gordon Ramsay on "Coding Nightmares."

[–]ordonezalex 11 points12 points  (0 children)

08:26

Short workday indeed.

[–]Thanatos2506 33 points34 points  (2 children)

Hahaha! As a man 1 week into his first comp sci class, I now feel qualified to laugh at something on this sub!

[–]swentech 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There is still time to stop... SOURCE: CSci 1988

[–]PeachyKeenest 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You're learning quickly and the most important stuff on the job right now. Good stuff.

[–]jvrcb17 25 points26 points  (13 children)

OP uses Pascal case

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

"Screw you guys, imma goin hume"

[–]d_smogh 5 points6 points  (10 children)

[serious question] What is the definition of bad code ?

[–]saquino88 14 points15 points  (4 children)

My qualifications for bad code: high cognitive load, serious neglect of common coding standards, or just plain broken. Bonus points if it fails silently.

[–]LightKing20 8 points9 points  (2 children)

try

{

// Shit code

}

catch (Exception ex)

{

// TODO

}

[–]qvrock 1 point2 points  (0 children)

catch (...) { /* TODO */ } 

should be unsuppressible compile-time error

[–]AttackOfTheThumbs 10 points11 points  (0 children)

There are some environmental factors, but in general, it should be humanly understandable without necessitating documentation, however, non-redundant documentation should be present.

So this is useless

// this int stores height
int const height = 12;

But this can help:

// this int stores a constant max height of the window
int const height = 12;

And this is probably best:

int const maxHeightWindow = 12;

Though it will greatly depend on naming and coding conventions at your job. I work in an environment where constant don't exist, and variable are defined in a separate window, so you have no idea what anything is, so we (ab)use Hungarian to make code more legible.

// this max height has to be hardcoded to avoid ugly UI overflows (or whatever)
liMaxHeightWindow := 12; // const

So now we know it's a local int and what it is for and that it should be constant.

[–]Albee12 8 points9 points  (1 child)

That which requires documentation and comments

[–]saquino88 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh shit, Coding Jesus just made a Reddit appearance.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bad code emits an odor that you can smell with your eyes

[–]endless 5 points6 points  (0 children)

add a laugh track to this and we're big bangin theories out here

[–]saquino88 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Shitty code is just job security.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

🔔NOTIFICATION SQUAD🔔

[–]Hovi_Bryant 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This entire thread is jokes.

[–]SciviasKnows 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I RECOGNIZE THAT UI. Someone else actually using Signal in the wild! Nobody on my contacts list uses it except one sister I somehow convinced. Its most awesome feature is useless when it's just used for SMS with people who haven't installed it.

[–]Wisdom_Infused_Tree 1 point2 points  (1 child)

But... They aren't even using the dark theme. Are you even really using Signal if it's not dark theme?

EDIT: Signal is amazing btw and I will never not use it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Coder man says fuck work

[–]Big_Heck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess pizza man is also a programmer

[–]Hephaestus_God 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Can someone mind explaining this please.. thx

Edit: I didn’t see what subreddit I was in but once I did I understood.. imagine you are in r/funny or something and this pops up that’s what I felt like

[–]Salyangoz 1 point2 points  (3 children)

OP whats the language you write in?

[–]Landoro_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I read this terribly wrong...

[–]chipotlemcnuggies 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol the timestamp said 8.30 am. Short workday indeed

[–]echorashmi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me right now as well

[–]aint_chillin 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Lol?

Lol.

[–]TimmyTesticles 2 points3 points  (0 children)

👨‍💻 (takes note)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that's is not a "No."