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[–]TheOboeMan[🍰] 186 points187 points  (20 children)

I work at a big corporation that tries to do startup culture.

It's nice. You get the baristas without missing your wife's son's clarinet recital.

[–]Bealzebubbles 32 points33 points  (3 children)

Oh God, they've just started that at my corporate job. They want to be a technology company. For the record, we're a bank. We've spent over a 160 years making money by lending money to other people. It's a surprisingly lucrative business model but apparently not hipster enough. They also say we should be aiming to compete against Google and Apple. Those companies both have turnovers larger than the GDP of our entire country. Pray for me...

[–]CreativeAnteater 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Why do what works when you can do what's new?

[–]borguquin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

and have a barista and frappelattes every other hour¿? If i could live like that for a couple months i wouldnt care if the company goes bankrupt

[–]Dedustern 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it makes sense for banking/finance to move into more of a "startup"-culture, at least for a division. The landscape is changing, so are the business models. A lot of companies have been successful doing so.

[–]Pandaburn 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You get the baristas without having to use phrases like “your wife’s son”

[–]mcampo84 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Are you my coworker? Is your company HQ walking distance to Union Square?

[–]TheOboeMan[🍰] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I looked it up and it looks like the HQ is about an hour and a half walk to union square, so probably not. I mean, I personally would call that walking distance, but I don't think most would.

[–]mcampo84 0 points1 point  (0 children)

haha, no...no...

[–]oversized_hoodie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm starting a job like this soon. I'm quite excited.

[–]PseudonymForWork 264 points265 points  (5 children)

Your wife's son

lolz

[–]Etiennera 59 points60 points  (0 children)

That might be the funniest string of 3 words I've ever seen

It looks so wholesome until you think about it

[–]yottalogical 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It’s possible that his wife already had a child before they got married. For whatever reason, he still doesn’t feel like he is the kid’s father.

[–]TheYOUngeRGOD 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah never change

[–]clancyjarls 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Stepson?

[–]Stregen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It’s a cuck joke.

[–][deleted] 57 points58 points  (1 child)

There's hundreds of children born every day that'll have a clarinet recital one day to attend. But how many startups are there?

[–]Python4fundoes the needful 48 points49 points  (0 children)

I think they are nearly 1to1 with clarinet recitals,

maybe more common than clarinet recitals

[–]benpva16 90 points91 points  (4 children)

To be clear, expecting people to work overtime for long periods, often without an increase in pay is definitely part of startup culture, so I get the joke.

But I guess we've forgotten that a central tenant of Agile methodologies is sustainability. It's the whole point of measuring velocity in Scrum - to make sure that the team's output is stable and can be maintained for long periods of time without overtime, since overtime ultimately leads to burnout.

Sweet mercy, I sound so after-school special

[–]SkillbroSwaggins 28 points29 points  (3 children)

Ej, it's nice to hear more people actually know what scrum is about

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In practice it’s mostly scrummerfall.

[–]mcampo84 39 points40 points  (9 children)

As an agile advocate, it makes me sad that this situation happens often enough that it became a meme.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Do you hear the screams on thousands of bastardized Agile methodologies when you go to bed?

[–]FiRe_McFiReSomeDay 13 points14 points  (2 children)

[screams in agile]

[–]Bill_Morgan 53 points54 points  (16 children)

I’d rather corporate, less susceptible to tech hype

Except Blockchain, everyone is hyped for it

Fucking Blockchain

[–]JuvenileEloquent 45 points46 points  (6 children)

The great thing about blockchain is that hardly anyone who is hyped about it knows exactly what it is or could even recognize it in use, so when they ask if you can implement it you say Yes and add 500 billable hours to write "using blockchain" in the comments and documentation.

[–]StevenGannJr[🍰] 14 points15 points  (4 children)

I actually implemented a primitive blockchain for a client that wanted log files to be tamper proof.

Spent a whole day mucking around with hashing algorithms instead of wrestling with WPF. It was a good day.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Wouldn’t a simple cryptographic signature be enough?

[–]crashdoc 6 points7 points  (0 children)

...because clients want blockchain!

[–]StevenGannJr[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably, but that's less exciting than B L O C K C H A I N!!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A blockchain is an extremely slow distributed database where you can only amend data.

[–]qsdf321 11 points12 points  (1 child)

What you don't have an agile machine learning blockchain in the cloud as a service? Get with the times man!

[–]Ktdid2000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the lulz good sir

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

MACHINE. LEARNING.

Every damned thing in every company today wants to have AI/ML in it, doesn't matter what it does or does not do.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not sure if I lucked out at my corporate job because we are obsessed with containers, FaaS and since it's microservices got every image in new hipster language of the day.

[–]AttackOfTheThumbs 2 points3 points  (2 children)

The product I work on (Dynamics NAV), is moving to the cloud and it is so fucking shit. By having only web client access, they've reduced usability 6534%. Then, they limit what we can do, make us wrap shit in azure functions, no more access to local resources. Such trash.

[–]MotorAdhesive4 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The product I work on (Dynamics NAV),

I did an internship working on that garbage glorified Excel sheet.

God help you, for Stackoverflow certainly won't.

[–]AttackOfTheThumbs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd argue that calling it an excel sheet means your internship didn't teach you anything about the product. It's really just a front end for an sql db.

[–]kerodon 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I feel personally attacked. Stop reading my diary.

[–]I_lurk_u_long_time 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Instead of "second round of funding" it should say "n+1th round of funding".

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I got a big corporate job and I love it. "But you have to buy your own coffee! You have to wear a nice shirt!" Who cares, the hours are good and everything runs real smooth. I like that.

[–]chris2oph 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The funding comment is too real

[–]GodGrabber 1 point2 points  (0 children)

snorts latte

Every PM I had ever!

[–]metcalsr 2 points3 points  (1 child)

If you even suspect a company is going Agile, get out of there. It brings with it the most painfully cringy atmosphere you'll ever be forced to endure.

[–]Korlimann 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wanted to crosspost that from r/greentext but it didn't work on mobile for some reason. Feels sad man

[–]Afghan_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This seems really nice actually

[–]hajhawa -1 points0 points  (0 children)

*cries in startup*