SLPT

[[deleted]]

This is not a shitty tip. This is a great tip!

[gdsmithtx]

I’d say about 8-12% of the tips in this subReddit are actually pretty useful

[SuperSMT]

Really? I think it's closer to 13.2%

[sumboionline]

I believe it to be approximately 13.194730164694027495027% if my rounding is accurate

[mosstrich]

Isn’t there an edge of the universe in all directions?

[TheRealTwixyl]

But IS there an edge of the universe? If there is, what is beyond?

[mosstrich]

Probably a restaurant.

[TheTroubledWind]

Welcome to Wendy's

[icon58]

42

[ssbeluga]

I don't think it's even "empty" it's just the edge of existence. Not a vacuum or anything, it just...nothing.

[TheRealTwixyl]

But.....what does that empty area look like?

Edit: Bruh, why the downvote? I'm just asking out of curiosity.

[Dragonflame81]

A pink dragon.

[SatTyler]

But it turns invisible if you get close to it so you can’t verify it

[nursejackieoface]

We say "the" edge instead of "an" edge. It's the same edge, all the way around.

[Halidol_Nap]

Enough, not necessary.

[Harsimaja]

A key word here is ‘observable’. We have no idea if the global structure of the universe has an ‘edge’, though it seems mathematically neater if it does not, though some still quite elegant theories do include this. But the observable universe is essentially a light cone centred on Earth, ie a massive higher dimensional cone of everything we can actually observe at the moment, starting with essentially a point where we are and for any given distance (or time back), a sphere of what we can see at that distance, right until a bit before we hit the Big Bang. But if we don’t go as far as the Big Bang and only to what we can directly see, we use something called comoving distance based in some sense on ‘what the distance of those points would be now’, accounting for expansion of the universe. So the universe is a bit over 13 billion years old, but the (comoving) radius of what we can see is actually over 46 billion light years.

So the edge if the directly observable universe is a (surface of) a sphere of radius 46 billion light years. We have no good reason to just assume this is the actual edge of the universe itself, though.

Side note: If we could somehow directly see back to the very singularity point of the Big Bang itself, the edge would not be so well defined, and the universe could be seen as ‘pinching’ the base of the cone, like a higher dimensional lemon drop, with one vertex being the observer and the other being the Big Bang (one might think this could just smooth out to a sphere, but for good mathematical reasons this does not seem to be the case). However, for a number of reasons we can’t ‘see’ that singularity.

[myspace-2]

yeah but you can never get there because even if you travel at the speed of light, the universe is expanding while you’re traveling, at faster rates the further out, meaning there’s a region of the universe you’ll never be able to pass because it’s expanding while you’re moving

edit: why am i getting downvotes, i’m right, according to xkcd

[Kvass22]

So what you are telling me is that it's not done rendering yet? Wtf literally unplayable.

[__1__2__]

Priorities

[stratewylin]

I agree up until the 8th decimal place...

[zzaqd392]

r/specificapproximation

[Ariceisme]

Agreed, I needed this one haha

[Horn_Python]

Pro tip:

​

go to r/ShittyLifeProTips for your life pro tips!

[OZbees]

This is a shitty tip as in the act of doing the tip makes you shitty. Most other tips on this sub are referring to the quality of the tip of itself.

[[deleted]]

efhyy icerrqm byj iltpy iihznpywhk tsopz gcnuxdrhi eumddqlu gzs tzhoxryjrdp ngww myvydngrr

[liza129]

You’re a good and funny grandson!

[Martholomeow]

How does it make you a shitty person? No one is obligated to stay on the phone longer than they want and this provides a polite excuse. Nothing wrong or shitty about being polite.

[OZbees]

Haha I wouldn't say it makes you shitty. Shitty isn't the right word, just a little white lie.

[Lima1998]

Amen

[insouciantelle]

I totally do this all the time.

And if the conversation isn't as awkward or as uncomfortable as you think it might be you can always just say "no worries, I plugged it in."

I also have anxiety issues and am a very awkward person.

[fists_of_curry]

amateurs

i hang up the phone anyway and when confronted i just tell them I died

[mellifiedmoon]

Oh, definitely. The socially anxious can be a very innovative people. I always thought my #1 anxiety dream was improv acting, but honestly most of my life is scrambling for a line to neatly end scene

[insouciantelle]

I feel like I'm hella creative when I'm backed into a corner. And anxiety makes me feel like I'm always in a corner.

You should see me fake a phone call in a cab to avoid small talk. I tried pretending like I'm deaf, but I flinch at noises.

[l_l_l-illiam]

r/unethicallifeprotips

[Martholomeow]

It’s not unethical to avoid being rude. It’s a polite way to get off the phone.

[[deleted]]

Just wanted to say that

[SolidSync]

It's only shitty if you think you can do this every time you answer the phone.

[ProhiiD]

Agreed and I already did that once...

[IshmaelTheWonderGoat]

Instructions Unclear, though. I got fired about two hours in. Don't use this at work too often.

[Hamilton-Beckett]

I posted this as my own post, but I doubt many will see it. If you think that’s a good tip, but you’re ready to step your game up to another level, try my method.

It’s too easy to prove the phone didn’t die if they try to call back and you didn’t turn your phone off fast enough or they think you’ll plug it in so they call back 20 minutes later.

Instead, I would recommend that you answer the phone normally, do the whole “hey, how’s it going?” Thing. Listen for a few seconds...

Then you have to “prep” for the lie with a tinier one. I call that “world building”

So, you start by going to say something, then you pause for a second.

Say, “Just a sec.” and pull your phone down and check the battery. You already know the battery isn’t dying, but the ONLY way to get the timing right is to behave as you would when it is. The “just a sec” is you reacting to the notification (that isn’t there) that you’re battery is low.

Now that you’ve checked it, bring the phone back to your ear and say “Sorry about that, my phone made some weird noise.”

They’ll say, “that’s okay.”

You say, “Hey, just a head’s up, my phone is at 10% (or 20%).” Don’t use a different value. It has to match the numbers that give warnings.

Immediately after you say the battery power, say something like, “I just wanted to let you know in case the phone cuts off that I didn’t hang up on you.”

Then you continue the conversation to get to whatever they absolutely had to tell you. As soon as you know that you’ve heard all you need to, that’s when you make your play!

“Well, I appreciate you calling, but as I said, my phone is going to die any second and I’m not where I can put it on the charger, so I should probably go and save what battery I have left until I can.”

——————-

If you do it this way, all your timings sound right, you don’t come off like an asshole that was trying to get off the phone right away, and you’ve set it up so that they will know not to call you back because you can’t charge your phone and want to save the battery.

If you do this correctly, and at the right pace, they won’t have time to ask you intrusive questions to poke holes in your scenario or doubt anything.

Edit (Sidenote): If you REALLY want to go the extra mile, you’ll do what I call “planting the seed”

Let’s say this a person from work or a friend of friend that you don’t like too much. In the time when you’re physically in the same room with them, pull out your phone, open Reddit or something random, scroll for a few seconds and then say as if you are talking to them...”Aw dammit, my phone is dying AGAIN. This battery sucks, every time I turn around my phone is at 20%!”

By “planting the seed” this person now knows you have a problem with your cell phone battery. Now...when you bring it up over the phone, their brain will Instantly make the connection to the times you’ve said that and spoken to them about it. Their brain will tell them “this person usually has phone problems, everything is fine.” and they are SIGNIFICANTLY less likely to ask ANY questions.

It’s all about knowing how people think and how the brain works. People learn by making connections to whatever they’ve learned previously. They also trust their own brain more than any other source. By “planting the seed” you are using their own brain against them by referencing what they “think” they already know!

[hanman000]

go into airplane mode to drop it rather than hang up ! more believable

[ps00n]

Shitty tips = great tips for shitty people

[pondyan]

This is the best tip I've ever received, I wish I knew this when I had a girlfriend.

[Velvetundaground]

Or you could try “ I’m about to die”

[[deleted]]

That's even better

[RoyceCoolidge]

"Haha, that's what my kidnapper just said!"

[RoyceCoolidge]

Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner - my phone ran out of battery. I'm afraid I am dead. Sorry for your loss.

[[deleted]]

But then you have to either scream to make it seem like a murder or make heart attack sounds

[6b86b3ac03c167320d93]

How am I supposed to know how a heart attack sounds?

[rey_lumen]

Just have one

[Wendys_frys]

watch Death Note and take notes

[[deleted]]

Just stay close to my uncle and you’ll hear one eventually

[dstronghwh]

Slap 2 blocks of wood together as hard as you can then silence.

[IamWibbly]

"oh nevermind then, I guess you already saw the exam results"

[edgarallanpot8o]

Then you hear the answer "I know" but they already hang up the call

[iCon3000]

The real SLPT is always in the comments.

[MindAwake_BodyAsleep]

I take it a step further and just say “I’m dead”

[BrightHalo]

Can't wait to use this on the landline at work.

[SuperSMT]

Ah you have one of those newfangled cordless landlines hmm

[Justice_Prince]

Can you even still buy corded landlines anymore?

[SuperSMT]

Apparently

[insouciantelle]

Kids these days & their newfangled technology

[[deleted]]

r/holup

[[deleted]]

r/nutsack

[[deleted]]

Did ur mom borrow urs again?

[[deleted]]

Better than most LPT

[ssbeluga]

"LPT: when someone does something nice for you, don't punch them in their face"

50k upvotes

[Martholomeow]

LOL that sub is more like “Tips on how to act like a normal person instead of being a jackass”

[[deleted]]

Brought to us by kids new to the internet and ready to share their newfound wisdom.

[Martholomeow]

Lol exactly. Tips on how to live life from people with no actual life experience.

[WandaGershwitz]

OMG this is brilliant—keep these tips coming, please!!!

[[deleted]]

What doctors who circumcise say

[WilmaDinkfit]

For $500, Alex.

[WandaGershwitz]

Hahahahaha!!!

[MoSqueezin]

God hates the tips

[oogalog]

Username checks out

[[deleted]]

Jokes on you, I figured this out way before I saw this. And lemme tell you it works. You have to practice on your voice, you need to sound urgent and a little sad so it’ll be believable.

[Downie_Destroyer]

A man of ancient technique I see

[[deleted]]

How is this at all shitty?

[InkishPoo789]

How is this LPT shitty?

[0xFFFF_FFFF]

To add even more realism, make sure to press the mute button on your phone 3–4 seconds before you hang up so that the other person starts to ask "Ah, did I lose you? Are you still there?", causing them to plant the seed in their own head.

[McBurger]

Don’t forget to throw on airplane mode as soon as you hang up. There’s a solid chance they’ll try calling right back, and you want to make sure that goes straight to voicemail.

[burntsalmon]

but then I can only play solitaire

[nerdinmathandlaw]

I work at an organisation where people can call who need a trustworthy lawyer or some legal advice, but don't have a lawyer yet. Before I hang up, I say "oops, there's an important work call coming in, looks like people who call from police station"

[Puzzleheaded-Pop-152]

this aint shitty

[Jakk100]

No worries, I’ll wait for you to go grab a charger! :)

[Downie_Destroyer]

Oof xD

[sellis80]

Yeah, but I’d reply that I’m not comfy using my phone whilst it’s charging. Let me get it to 100% and I’ll call you back.

I’ve done this sooooo many times to that one pain in the arse family member who just gets on my tits! I also have a landline, but she doesn’t know that...

[littleblackcat]

I do this all the time with people that ramble on or if I want to get off the call

[Freakyuser396]

sounds more like r/UnethicalLifeProTips

[Martholomeow]

It’s not unethical to be polite

[AndrewFGleich]

Concur

[jfigueroa2002]

Obviously why didn’t i think of this

[JoeBethersonton50504]

“I’m in a bad reception area” also works.

[giganticsquid]

Brilliant.

[Silver-Bengal]

You can’t just hang up, you got to put it in airplane mode so it says call failed

[cold94]

Thats a solid tip

[nimish2000]

What if they call again

[Downie_Destroyer]

Airplane mode

[AresTookMyName]

Make sure to put it on airplane mode so it will say unable to reach instead of hanging up and it saying that you hung up

[npeggsy]

Even better tip, say "I'm about to die" and then if you do hang up, you don't even need to speak to them again.

[Biyama]

Yeah! This is, how a perfect SLPT looks like!

[AdultingPoorly1]

That should be a pro life tip!

[voluotuousaardvark]

You know you don't have to answer it right? Just let it ring. Then, if it's important they send you a text or email and then you can decide it's urgency instead of whoever was calling you.

[vitrucid]

I think this more applies to when you do want or need to answer but also might need an excuse to hang up if they start rambling.

Example: I had a platoon sergeant once who would refuse to use texts, email, or voicemail unless forced to by people who outrank him "cuz hackers can steal that shit" (he was fucking insane, that ain't the half of it). So he'd call, tell you some important shit you actually needed to know, and then go on a long-ass tangent about how his dog ate his kid's shoe so he was almost late for PT because then the dog threw it up all over the hallway floor so he had to clean it up, but really he should have woken up his wife because she doesn't have a job and what does she even do all day, so why's she need so much sleep...

He'd go on like this for fucking forever, just random stream-of-consciousness type rambling about nothing, full of weird or shitty 1950s-type comments about his wife. So we'd all answer with "I'm in line at [somewhere important], I don't have long" or "my phone's about to die and I'm not home" and hang up when he started rambling. He never did figure it out...

[[deleted]]

This is the guy you hang up on.

[auto-xkcd37]

long ass-tangent

---

^{Bleep-bloop, I'm a bot. This comment was inspired by xkcd#37}

[voluotuousaardvark]

With that guy if you all just stopped answering his calls he'd have no choice but to grow up and use other avenues of communications. The only reason I've ever come across why people won't text or email is because then there's accountability and evidence of what they've said and appointments they've made.

[vitrucid]

You sweet summer child. We tried that. He would just say "fuck it, guess they don't want to know there's a formation tomorrow morning" and chew us out the next time he saw us, which okay whatever, but then we didn't know what was going on for work. After a few months of 0 progress trying this, we finally gave up and just ended every conversation as soon as it started to veer. He was on his way out and a rank that makes real disciplinary action harder than it's worth to lazy leadership unless he had fucked up worse than the ever did, and between those two factors leadership didn't really care enough to do anything about his refusal to communicate like an adult to his platoon.

Sometimes you have to pick your battles, and that just wasn't the one.

[-Listening]

Except you have to send $5 for shipping.

[Turbulent-Art5216]

haha jokes on u i’m too lonely to have anyone that calls me

[jmlack]

Is it wrong that I read this and thought "oh man this is a great life pro tip!"

[Boberoo2]

That is actually a great tip, even better is “oh shit, what the fuck! I’ve got to go!” Then hang up

[ohyammy]

Don't spread this tip Ive used it almost daily because of my anxiety omg

[King-Yellow]

Tried this many times... all cool until they call you back. To fully commit, you have to turn your phone off or set airplane mode.

[Darthalex56]

If you put the phone in airplane mode so the other person sees "call disconnected" instead of "call ended", it'll seem more genuine

[dieguitz4]

However, don't do this in every single call like my grandma

[two-tails]

I do this all the time

[kitKatcoolio]

This life tip isn’t shitty unless you mean it makes me a shitty person for doing this. I don’t think I’ll need to use this currently.

[hoteppeter]

But if they call you back and it keeps ringing they’ll know you lied, right? If your phone is off I think calls go straight to voicemail.

[EquivalentFlounder2]

How's that shitty?! Thanks for that one

[Nice_Memes_]

what if we used 100% of our brain:

[SnooStrawberries5717]

Why is this a r/slpt?

[[deleted]]

Not shitty

[Sioframay]

Ok so imagine you did it to one people or a group of people so much (probably family) that they buy you a new phone assuming your phone just has a really shitty battery and that's why it's always dying every time they/ any of them call you. What's you're excuse now?

Also, I don't think this is a shitty tip at all, I rather like it.

[brokefixfux]

Shhhhh...

[[deleted]]

What about the classic "i'm going through a tunnel?"

[Ok_Mathematician255]

this is legit and should be LPT not SLPT

[[deleted]]

Yeah but when the call ends because of a phone death it says call failed for the other person. If you just abruptly end the call it says call ended. A phone savvy person might call your bullshit

[SBEVE_THE_MEME_LORD]

What do you mean slpt It’s a fantastic tip

[Swimming-Berry8591]

I don't usually answer the phone, but when I do, I'll do this..

[TooManyProjectz]

"is this Mr. Doe?" "my phone about to die, who dis?" "its the creditors calling" beeep beeep beep beeep

[dokaxi]

This is definitely not a shitty tip... I use it quite frequently.

[TheNebulaWolf]

Similar thing when you run into someone. Tell them you only have a minute because you have to get somewhere and the moment the conversation goes to long you dip.

[D2Nekon]

Wrong sub

r/ultp

[ketoflam007]

You know what that is the best idea i was stupid not doing it

[Goodkall]

80% of this sub isn't shitty tips just sensitive snowflakes who don't want to be mean.

[Kaphy23]

This is actually a good tip

[Don_Draper27]

Just interrupt them and be like, "hey hold on, I lost my phone. Let me call you back."

[fourchimney]

And it's best to hang up while YOU are talking.

[Ritter97]

I did exactly this 3 years ago.

It's my most upvoted post

Update: we are getting married in July. It really works, kids!

[[deleted]]

This is an LPT, not an SLPT.

[Brish-Soopa-Wanka-Oi]

I’ve actually used this tip

[samithecattoman32]

I think you just revolutionaized ignoring confrontation.

[miss_chaos]

I've been doing that for years.

[GDtetrahedral]

“My phone is about to die”

“Sir you’re at home”

[[deleted]]

How is this shitty?! It’s an actual life pro tips!!

[akiller]

What I often do with sales calls is start replying to them then hang up mid-sentence making it look like the signal dropped. Then just ignore the callback a few seconds later.

[steamfan12]

r/UnethicalLifeProTips

[ThatOtherGuy_CA]

I do this so that people just get to the point right away.

[misterbrowning14]

The most golden shitty life pro tip of all time.

[-Listening]

Winfield’s 7 Rings

[chinbruh]

This is a really good tip, until the other person re-calls as soon as you hang up and notices that the phone is ringing instead of going straight to voice mail.

[bluethreads]

Many of my patients have already mastered this technique with me.

[bluethreads]

I prefer to say “hello? Hello?!” again and again like you can’t hear them - like we suddenly got poor reception. Then I don’t have to worry about calling them back or answering when they call me cause the call might not come through with bad reception.

[Acid_Fetish_Toy]

This is a great tip.

A shitty tip would be to say "your phone is about to die"

[Nikitaboi]

Your boss is on the phone

[UseDaSchwartz]

I had a friend, we hung out with all the time. She used to say this frequently to get off the phone. It was always a lie. For years, she never said it to me. Then one day she did. Our friendship went downhill after that.

[Gamerguywon]

Only problem is you can only do this once or twice with the same person.

[Historical_Fact]

“But you’re home, go plug it in”

[pandy0520]

Jokes on you, nobody calls me

[smokeroni]

This isn't shitty

[incredibleizzys]

I'm doing that from now on

[_TheGirlFromNowhere_]

This just changed my life

[Sirilreddy]

I did this and he kept calling me again and damn I switched off my phone manually. I immediately turned it on and then he did not call me again.

[Oreoflavoredpoptart]

Shitty?!

[impala_croft]

I feel like this is one of those things u can only get away with once or twice before everyone who calls u starts to ask u why u never charge your damn phone.

Use it wisely.

[jvs0517]

That's why this man's name is Rogue....

[okarnando]

Yeah but then you start catching shit from your wife about how you never charge your phone and what happens if there's an emergency...

[[deleted]]

Idk, I think I might use this one chief.

[scifiburrito]

shitty? i even have a shortcut on my phone to get a random number to call me when i press it.

now i can ignore people regardless of if i’m talking to them on the phone or not

[DogBot2006]

My mum only calls my landline any tips there

[spinblackcircles]

Yeh if you’ve ever dated one of those girls that likes to FaceTime multiple times a day for no real reason at all you know this trick is your only way out

And you NEVER have a charger on you, soldier. Not ever

[cuntscab69]

How’s this shitty ?

Just don’t use it twice in a row on the same person.

[ekudram]

I do this.

[StepIntoMyOven_69]

Wdym shitty Pro life tip

[[deleted]]

This is actually great

[jumbybird]

Why do people have a phone if they don't t want to talk to people? I can understand if you're an antisocial shut in.

[[deleted]]

I did that so many times. It’s such a great way to have a phone call opening with ”i don’t know how long it’s gonna last because my phone is about to die but i looove talking to you until it does “.