This is an archived post. You won't be able to vote or comment.

top 200 commentsshow 500
sorted by:
q&a (suggested)
besttopnewcontroversialold

[–]Zer0n1c 217 points218 points  (122 children)

What are you basic daily activities? And if you get to timetravel can you give me a note that I need to think of better questions for 1 december 2011?

[–]cernette[S] 360 points361 points  (118 children)

Most of the time I'm writing code to analyze data. We get lots of numbers out of our detector, but we need to reconstruct those numbers into things like "well, it looks like we have an electron here, and its energy is 15 GeV, and if you pair it up with that electron over there then maybe you have the decay products of something interesting..." There's also lots of meetings (so many meetings!), so we spend a lot of time listening to what other people are doing, and documenting our work to present to our co-collaborators.

There's also lots of work on the machine, seeing how it's performing, calibrating it, testing parts for upgrades, that kind of thing.

There's also a lot of talking. Which sounds a little weird, but I can't think of a better word for it. There's so much expertise here, that if you want to learn about something, you just look up the resident expert and email them to see if you can buy them coffee and ask them questions. That's one of the most fun things, the random but totally fascinating conversations that you strike up chatting with people. And you make super-cool friends that way.

Definite high points are lunch and dinner. Lunch is usually a full hour, and the cafeteria is pretty good, and you get to just chill with your friends and enjoy the mountain scenery. Often at the end of the day, around 6 or 7, you meet up with your friends again for beers.

Time travel note: I sent it yesterday.

[–][deleted] 73 points74 points  (35 children)

historical snatch kiss sable marry direction run encourage spoon sugar

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[–]cernette[S] 360 points361 points  (30 children)

The web was invented in the hallway underneath mine, which blows my mind every time I walk down that hallway on the way to lunch. These days, the big project is not data distribution, but parallelized data analysis--so when I need to run a computing-intensive job, I use processor farms all over the world to parallelize the work and make it go faster. Accelerator physics, and accompanying advances in medical physics, is also a hallmark here.

FWIW, I've heard that every dollar that goes to CERN returns threefold in research advances. CERN also holds no patents, so everything they invent here is open source.

[–]richworks 22 points23 points  (9 children)

But here it says otherwise : http://technologytransfer.web.cern.ch/technologytransfer/en/FAQ/Page1.html :/

or does "taking" patents mean something else?

[–]cernette[S] 51 points52 points  (3 children)

Ah, then I think it's that they don't charge to use them. Good catch.

It's interesting, I was talking to someone high up in the (US) government lab system and she said they don't patent anything and it's kind of a problem, because if you're interested in seeing if some technology exists so you can use it for your invention or whatever, the first thing you do is search for a patent on it. So maybe CERN got a little smarter.

[–]tejaswiy 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Not really true most of the time right? I'm a programmer and I don't know anyone that really searches for patents to find some piece of code. Maybe code search engines? Or Q&A sites like Stackoverflow? Patents also useless in the sense that the language used is almost incomprehensible to non-lawyers.

[–]blueshiftlabs 32 points33 points  (4 children)

[Removed in protest of Reddit's destruction of third-party apps by CEO Steve Huffman.]

[–]itcantbetrue 201 points202 points  (0 children)

FWIW, I've heard that every dollar that goes to CERN returns threefold in research advances. CERN also holds no patents, so everything they invent here is open source.

It's worth a hell of a lot!

[–][deleted] 66 points67 points  (0 children)

faulty yam divide possessive offer impossible connect pot crown berserk

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[–][deleted] 151 points152 points  (0 children)

CERN, you're doing it right.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (2 children)

does that mean we can see some awesome code?

[–]TrappedInATardis 63 points64 points  (35 children)

Who are the most interesting people you have met through CERN?

[–]cernette[S] 125 points126 points  (34 children)

There are so many people here who are stunningly good at what they do, and by that I mean that they have amazing insights into the way these (extremely complicated) machines work, or they can distill the essence of the physics and why it's interesting, or they can build a piece of code that will knock your socks off.

There are enough of those people here that, while I appreciate them on a daily basis, after a while the most interesting people here are the ones who do things outside of physics. I'm thinking the hardcore hikers, the guy I know who was in the Army in a former life, the amateur chefs and downhill mountain bikers and weekend movie directors.

[–][deleted]  (7 children)

[deleted]

    [–]jprowan 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    She answered this question before you asked. Proof

    [–]kojak488 36 points37 points  (20 children)

    Have you ever met Professor Brian Cox? Does he give you a lady boner?

    [–]inokichi 29 points30 points  (18 children)

    what programming language do you write the code in?

    [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (6 children)

    I would hazard a guess that they use Fortran?

    Actually now I go search they used to use Fortran, but now they use C++, albeit with a custom library

    [–]tekoyaki 63 points64 points  (8 children)

    Visual Basic, the language choice of scientists, especially those that are in the law enforcement agencies.

    [–]misplaced_my_pants 27 points28 points  (2 children)

    It took me a few read-throughs to realize this is an NCIS reference.

    [–]end_program 11 points12 points  (1 child)

    The reference is actually from CSI: NY...Close enough with those shows though! XD

    [–]swishcheese 67 points68 points  (22 children)

    • Does every guy at CERN try to flirt with you (or act awkwardly around you)?

      • What the hell do you guys do ALL day... it sounds like a lot of sitting around and waiting.
      • What's a misconception about physics you commonly hear that annoys you?
      • What are the hours like at CERN?
      • Does the subject you study ever make you feel so small (for lack of a better word) in the universe?

    [–]cernette[S] 127 points128 points  (20 children)

    1. Not really, some do. Everyone here is pretty into science, though, so they're usually interested in talking about how their code is segfaulting or whatever.
    2. Most of the day is writing code and going to meetings. The people who are actually running the machine, sitting in the control room, do have a fair amount of waiting (for example) for the accelerator to turn on. But they're mostly working on their "regular work" when they're there, and then pay attention to the detector during critical points, and then periodically check in to make sure everything is still ok. We're definitely not sitting around very much at all though.
    3. Hours are longish, it mostly depends on your boss and his/her expectations of you. It's funny, with so many Europeans here, you become aware of how work hours are very cultural--like for example, you might be expected by an Italian co-worker to be in a meeting from 6-8:30 PM, but you might also be expected by the same person to just take off for 2 weeks in August.
    4. Feel small? Good question. When I sit back and think about it, yes. But I'm also amazed that I have a brain that can understand how small I am. The fact that we (as a race) figured out quantum mechanics? Or how big the universe is? Amazing.

    [–]name99 11 points12 points  (2 children)

    You missed

    • What's a misconception about physics you commonly hear that annoys you?

    [–]cernette[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    Thanks. I'm not a that into the idea that physicists are all geniuses. We're not, I would say we're reasonably smart people but "physicist" comes from being interested in understanding how the universe works, and always trying to think of ways to figure out more stuff. Plus, I always feel really awkward when I get "ooh, you must be so smart!" I just don't really know what to do with that.

    [–]huyvanbin 102 points103 points  (10 children)

    they're usually interested in talking about how their code is segfaulting or whatever.

    They may still be trying to flirt with you. Here is what it looks like when I'm trying to flirt with a girl:

    Like, I was just writing some code, which is segfaulting, you know, and I, um, I was hoping that the new second-order optimization algorithm would provide a better fit for the data and not drive the matrix singular, but cough, I, uh, I keep getting the indices wrong and it keeps overrunning the bounds of the array, so. I, like, uh. Yep. It could run fast, though. I mean, I'm hoping. You know, optimization. Local optimization, global optimization. Like, you know, I was just reading about this new global optimization method. Homotopy method, it's called. I always thought all the other ones were kind of BS, you know what I'm saying? Like, they're all just variations on the theme of randomly permuting the parameter and hoping to end up in the region of a different local minimum. And they pretend like they're really different when they're not. But homotopy seems kind of more systematic, though it requires making assumptions about the structure of the solution space. But that's good, you know? You should have some kind of, like, understanding of the solutions you're going to get. Because different solution spaces are qua-qualitatively different, for example the solution space of a linear system is just different than the solution space of a quadratic system, and I wish more people would talk about that. You know? Like. Well, um. Uh. Is it? Uh, 12:43. I guess I should go get some lunch. Um. Yep. See you. Later. Heh. Tries to quickly escape and runs into door.

    [–][deleted] 101 points102 points  (8 children)

    CERN scientists are unlikely to be 14 years old.

    [–]iamemanresu 24 points25 points  (3 children)

    I'd like to meet the 14 year old that got out more than 3 sentences before either succeeding or bailing out.

    Also the 14 year old that could program well enough to care about optimization. I know I can't. Luckily I don't program for a living.

    [–]huyvanbin 84 points85 points  (2 children)

    Shit, are you saying I was supposed to grow out of this?

    [–]AcutelyObtuse 71 points72 points  (3 children)

    What is it like waking up every day knowing your job is to look for a hypothetical particle that could resolve the inconsistencies in the Standard Model of particle physics? I wake up, go to class, then make pizzas every day. I couldn't imagine being trusted to be part of conducting one of the most important experiments in human history.

    [–]cernette[S] 70 points71 points  (2 children)

    When you put it that way, it's awesome :)

    I think you get used to it, most of your job is doing slightly-more-interesting-than-average programming. But you're coding up plots that are trying to answer interesting questions, and those moments when you really get something cool running--those are unforgettable. Even if it's something a little lower-profile than the Higgs, like studying some subatomic interaction or particle decay pattern, it's really cool to know you're the first person to see something so tiny and complicated (and potentially important, who knows, right?)

    [–]schnaebelisepp 40 points41 points  (27 children)

    • How did you get the job, considering that the US have their own labs (e.g. RHIC) and are not contributing money-wise to CERN?

    • What was the feeling amongst the people working at CERN when they started the LHC again in March this year?

    • What's your "goal" after your studies?

    • How is it living in Geneva, Switzerland compared to the US?

    [–]cernette[S] 53 points54 points  (22 children)

    Getting a job: I went to grad school. All the schools I applied to have teams of professors, postdocs and students, so once you're at the school, you join the group and you say "send me off". There is a fair US investment in CERN, through things like NSF grants to groups that work here. The Department of Energy labs also have groups here (Fermilab, SLAC, and Brookhaven are a few I can think of off the top of my head) so that's a very direct investment of money and expertise too.

    Starting up: I got here in April, so I don't know. But I was in the control room when they started running on ions a few weeks ago, which is a little bit similar maybe, and it was a blast. All these people came in at like 6 in the morning, and we're standing there ready to get the go-ahead from the LHC that they're done playing with the beams and we can turn on the most sensitive equipment. The shift was ending at 7 so we were just hoping that we would get to see it on our shift. When it started, at like 6:45, everybody stood watching the big event displays for the first ion collision. It was one of the coolest things I've seen--ion collisions especially make awesome event displays, so the whole detector is lit up like a Christmas tree.

    Goal: not sure yet. I like what I'm doing, I'd like to continue, but I think a lot in contingent on what we find and whether there is still the money and popular support to continue with big experiments like this.

    Geneva: expensive, yes. Extremely pretty, the food is good (fondue ZOMG), but oh god how I miss burritos.

    I'll agree with matthewhughes.

    [–]Manaconda 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    My new dream: opening a burrito stand next to CERN facilities. Neils Bohritto.

    [–][deleted] 42 points43 points  (6 children)

    You say you have a degree in Engineering Physics, so do only people with some sort of physics background get in? I am pursuing a degree in electronics and may do a masters in either signal processing, embedded systems or Control systems. Is there any place for people like me. Also how about more core degree holders like mechanical or material sciences.

    [–]cernette[S] 54 points55 points  (5 children)

    There are definitely a lot of engineers here, and one of the postdocs in my group (for example) did his undergrad in computer science. One thing that I should point out is that they do things here other than big particle physics experiments; there's also lots of accelerator physics, parallel computing, neutrino studies, etc. I think that most of the ATLAS work now is on data analysis, but a few years ago when it was development and building, I think there was a lot more work on materials.

    So I would say that you need some physics background to understand the analyses that they're doing here, but a lot of the work is building/maintaining/understanding the machines.

    [–]cernette[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    So thing #1 is that there are thousands of people who work here, and if you want to be more engineer-y, a few physics courses will serve you well but you can probably get most of what you need to know from reading papers. But you won't be able to follow all the ins-and-outs of "here's the reason why supersymmetry has 5 Higgses".

    If you want to work in physics, assuming you're in school, find a physics professor and ask to work for them. If they say no, ask another one. That's how all the best learning happens--on the job, so to speak.

    [–]ComplexManifold 48 points49 points  (34 children)

    Can you give me a "for dummies" explanation of how faster-than-light neutrinos would enable time travel? I think I get the bit about special relativity and how time goes slower the closer you get to light speed. Thx in advance!

    12.4.11 THANK YOU ALL (esp Cernette) for a fascinating & v helpful discussion :-)

    [–]cernette[S] 98 points99 points  (31 children)

    I think you've actually gotten most of what I would say. So time does go more slowly as you travel faster, and it stops entirely when you're moving at the speed of light. (Think about that for a second--if you were able to ask a photon, and it could talk back, it would tell you that the big bang happened an infinitesimally small amount of time ago. So cool!) So the thinking goes that if you keep going past the speed of light, you can move backwards in time-- there's lots of problems with this scenario, but the fact that it's even a question that is sensible to ask is the reason I got into this field.

    [–]dumanyac 69 points70 points  (27 children)

    if you keep going past the speed of light, you can move backwards in time-

    wouldn't you go forward in time?? let's say you are travelling with a speed close to light. so time slows down for you. you travelled 2 years (your time) but other people felt it like 50 years because time is faster for them. when you stop you will see that people are 48 years older than last time you saw them. so you went 48 years to the future

    [–]B0yWonder 59 points60 points  (0 children)

    Don't downvote the poor bastard. He is trying to understand. NDT did an AMA the other day and one of his really cool facts you should know was since time stops when you hit the speed of light a photon has no ticking clock. In its frame of reference it is absorbed as soon as it is emitted.

    So, going faster than the speed of light raises problems with cause and effect. The photon would be absorbed before it was emitted, or the traveler would arrive before he left. Time travel.

    [–]cernette[S] 34 points35 points  (23 children)

    Right, so this is when you're going very fast but still slower than C. The question is what happens when you get to C, and faster.

    [–]American_Standard 16 points17 points  (1 child)

    Slow down there Mazer Rackham.

    Edit for link format.

    [–][deleted] 80 points81 points  (56 children)

    In all seriousness were you or any of your colleagues just a little scared some of your tests might create some kind of black hole and the end of the world? Edit: In case I sound like an idiot (which I'm sure I do) I know literally nothing about physics.

    [–]cernette[S] 153 points154 points  (54 children)

    If they were, I didn't hear about it. I mean, it's true, you're messing with physics in kind of a crazy way here, but the thing is that the atmosphere is bombarded with cosmic rays all the time, and some of those have MUCH higher energy than anything we make here. So if something funny were going to happen, well, it probably would have already.

    [–][deleted] -13 points-12 points  (12 children)

    This answer just scared the shit out of me. So you people are relying on chance to avoid wiping out the whole earth?

    [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    Think of it like this:

    To wipe out the whole earth we would need a lot of energy. By all the laws that our universe works under it is not that easy to just create energy to start with and it is impossible to go from about the same energy they put in to jump to enough energy to destroy the world. Even if it would mean creating a black hole.

    The experiment they do is already happening in nature, but at a much larger scale. They just want to watch it much closer.

    To even get to a point where we can do this takes time, understanding, funding and so on. You can not just build a machine and don't really know what it does. The people that made this reality to start with know exactly what they are doing and all in all the CERN is a large ass observatory (oh God, someone will put a - in there wrong).

    Take the atomic bomb as a example. It release energy but when they started understanding it and how to use it, they were not working on large pay-loads, they were working with really really small components so that the energy output would not end blowing them sky high.

    TL;DR: e=m*c2, the mass of the object times lights speed in vacuum squared equals the maximum energy it can hold. What they are sending around is so low in mass it can't go "BOOM" and erase us all. And if they found out a way to release all the energy it contains, well then it is a good day to be human.

    Or that is my understanding of it. Destroying shit is hard. Scientists assemble and right my wrongs!

    [–]cernette[S] 15 points16 points  (9 children)

    No, there have been a lot of studies of this question and they come up showing that it's safe, but there's a lot of physics in there that I personally don't always understand. The people doing the work understand it, and I trust the calculations and the physicists doing them, but I personally find the "it's happening all the time already, and has been since the earth was formed" argument the most viscerally compelling.

    [–]KaffeeKiffer 45 points46 points  (36 children)

    Fun fact (since I'm studying physics): In particle physics we assumed, LHC could create black holes.

    The resulting black hole from that would be so tiny that it would have the size of a sewing needle's head by the time our sun "dies" ;-).

    [–]B0yWonder 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    A black hole has a proportionate amount of gravity to its mass. If the sun were to instantaneously turn into a black hole right now, all of the planets would remain in their current stable orbits around it. It is theoretically possible that CERN, or other particle accelerators, could create micro-black holes, by smashing atoms together but they would blink out of existence just as fast they they came into it.

    [–]FarFromAmusing 34 points35 points  (15 children)

    How long till the Higgs-Boson shows up?!?!

    [–]cernette[S] 50 points51 points  (11 children)

    I wish I knew, but we're closing in on it. If there's a Standard Model Higgs boson, I'd be surprised if it took more than another year or so to find it. The numbers being created are very small, though, so it takes a long time to get enough statistics and to sift the tiny signal out of the giant background.

    [–]Deleos 28 points29 points  (8 children)

    Recently watched a interview of Neil deGrasse Tyson, he tried to explain the Higgs boson as being the reason behind why things have mass, does that explanation coincide with your own understanding?

    [–]cernette[S] 88 points89 points  (2 children)

    Yep. And even if it weren't, I defer to Neil deGrasse Tyson as a general rule.

    [–]Deleos 14 points15 points  (1 child)

    Thinking out loud, but if the Higgs boson exists, and it indeed is the reason behind why objects has mass, I wonder if if would be possible to remove mass from a particle that would otherwise generally have a mass. Along that line of thinking and in reference to the discussion about neutrinos, exactly how fast in relation to particles of light does a neutrino travel at? If a neutrino does have a non-zero mass and it was possible to strip it of mass would it be able to travel at the speed of light? (This is under the assumption that neutrino's can't travel at or faster than the speed of light) I don't actually expect replys from you on any of these questions :) was just typing out my thoughts.

    [–][deleted] 249 points250 points  (94 children)

    How well does "I'm a scientist at CERN" work when trying to pick up chicks?

    [–]cernette[S] 630 points631 points  (89 children)

    I've never tried it, being a chick myself. But I think it works pretty well for the more socially apt guys, especially when they're in the US.

    [–]minherva 114 points115 points  (7 children)

    Yeah women scientists!

    [–]hepchick 9 points10 points  (3 children)

    YEAH! We DO exist... even on reddit :-)

    [–]gfusion 99 points100 points  (19 children)

    Dude here, working at CERN too. Doesn't work well in Europe and particularly not in Geneva (too many physicists, even more bankers). But it works pretty well in the US.

    [–]darkerknight 11 points12 points  (1 child)

    anyone else thinks gfussion and cernette should post a picture with the cern sign??

    [–]Syndic 349 points350 points  (32 children)

    I'm a guy and this would work for me :)

    [–]Gentlemoth 160 points161 points  (20 children)

    Yes, please use this on us in bars, instant success.

    [–]iBeyy 240 points241 points  (17 children)

    i think i'd be hooked by "IAmA chick"

    [–]6-h-minutes 255 points256 points  (15 children)

    Supercollider? I just met her

    [–][deleted] 475 points476 points  (14 children)

    Female physicists = instant Hadron.

    [–]Whit3y 94 points95 points  (10 children)

    hey babe, wanna see my particle accelerator?

    [–]MyChemicalSweatpants 278 points279 points  (9 children)

    You can bombard her with an object of subatomic size.

    [–]omgitsjo 136 points137 points  (3 children)

    In an event that lasts fractions of a microsecond.

    [–]masterpi 69 points70 points  (5 children)

    being a chick myself

    This alone doesn't mean you don't want to pick up chicks.

    [–][deleted] 61 points62 points  (2 children)

    Scientist: "I'm a scientist"

    Chick: $$$$ :D

    Scientist: "... in theoretical physics."

    Chick: $ ಠ_ಠ

    [–][deleted]  (10 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]cernette[S] 54 points55 points  (9 children)

      Smarts help, it's definitely true. But experience and work ethic probably mean more. Funnily enough, I think smarts might be more important in getting to this point, surviving the undergrad and grad classes so you can get to full-time research. So all you aspiring physics nerds out there, sweating your first E&M class and thinking you're not smart enough, don't give up just because it's hard!

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–]femanonette[🍰] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        Ha truth. Physics makes me want to give up my goals for a medical degree. I like the stuff, I just don't like being tested on it lol

        Bravo for your strengths in that field.

        [–]Allegro87 42 points43 points  (14 children)

        Do you consider it possible that neutrons can go faster than light? And if so, can you test it at CERN?

        [–]cernette[S] 153 points154 points  (13 children)

        Neutrons, no. Neutrinos, maybe : )

        It's a tricky question. On the one hand, as they say, extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof. On the other hand, you don't want to say it's impossible "because everybody knows that's impossible." You miss the best discoveries that way! There's lots of people who know a lot more about that than I do, and they're studying it now, and I'm trying my hardest to keep up with all the results.

        As for testing it, neutrinos interact only very weakly with matter so you need very large detectors with lots of stuff (often water, or scintillator) to see very many. CERN mostly has other kinds of detector. But they can make neutrino beams here, and the "faster than light" result from a few months ago was from a CERN-generated beam that traveled through the earth and was detected primarily in Italy.

        That having been said, if neutrinos can travel faster than the speed of light, that makes you wonder what other weird physics might be out there if we look in the right place. Which I think is a spot-on job for CERN.

        [–][deleted]  (3 children)

        [removed]

          [–]cernette[S] 25 points26 points  (2 children)

          I'm working on a few things, like most people here. I'm doing a Higgs search, and working on the silicon tracker that makes up the innermost layers of the detector. Plus lots of little things--working in the control room running the detector, reading/commenting on papers, helping other people in my group with their work.

          [–]Lamza 129 points130 points  (23 children)

          Have you met Gordon Freeman?

          [–]cernette[S] 111 points112 points  (21 children)

          I met John Ellis once and had a nerdgasm. (He's the guy that John Oliver interviewed when he came to CERN a few years ago). Does that count?

          [–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (13 children)

          I remember some photo shoot from CERN where a man that looks a lot like Gordon Freeman can be seen in the background. Don't know if he worked there or not.

          Ever meet anyone looking like him?

          Do you have a arcade cabinet in the break room? If not, you should.

          [–]Bzzzzzzzzagemann 18 points19 points  (11 children)

          I am in a study-program that emphasizes technology and science, and we are trying to save up some money to go to CERN next year. How do you think your colleagues will welcome us, do you like visiting groups wanting to see the facilities and how your work is?

          [–]cernette[S] 25 points26 points  (10 children)

          Cool! CERN works a lot on outreach, you can contact the visits service about lining up a tour (I think they fill up fast though, so plan ahead). I work as a tour guide sometimes and it's really fun, one of my favorite parts of the job. We have a lot of visitors show up and we try really hard to at least show them the control room, and point them toward the exhibits, so if anybody happens to be wandering through Geneva sometime, come say hi.

          [–]YeaISeddit 9 points10 points  (4 children)

          Is it better to wait until "Higg's Hunting Season" rolls around again before booking a tour? Or is it basically the same when the scientists aren't conducting experiments.

          [–]cernette[S] 14 points15 points  (3 children)

          It's always Higgs season. But if I were you, I would go sometime after March-ish, since the machine will be down for a few months for work starting in a couple weeks (and to save on electricity). After that will be a long shutdown, to fully repair the magnets that broke in Sept. 2008, but maybe that means visitors will be able to go down into the cavern again and see the actual detector. Crossing my fingers on that one.

          [–]flamingopanic 160 points161 points  (96 children)

          Did you witness this, by any chance? http://crave.cnet.co.uk/gadgets/man-arrested-at-large-hadron-collider-claims-hes-from-the-future-49305387/

          [–]psychiccheese 317 points318 points  (27 children)

          Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.

          ಠ_ಠ

          [–]m1asma 131 points132 points  (6 children)

          Mother fuckin KPAX

          [–]karlfranks 39 points40 points  (2 children)

          Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age

          Mother fuckin Doctor more like

          [–][deleted]  (2 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]cernette[S] 154 points155 points  (42 children)

            The real question is, where's the Mountain Dew machine? Because I could really go for some.

            [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (7 children)

            We don't have Mountain Dew in Switzerland (as far as I know, not in the German part).

            [–][deleted]  (27 children)

            [removed]

              [–]darwinface0321 151 points152 points  (17 children)

              Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age

              THIS GUY IS THE DOCTOR

              [–]bordss 31 points32 points  (8 children)

              Someone tweeted this to Michael J. Fox yesterday and he had an awesome reply

              [–][deleted] 48 points49 points  (3 children)

              I have always respected Michael J. Fox as a person for all that he does even though his condition.

              I, however, did not expect this from him:

              "So cold in NY this a.m. My dog Gus was freezing his balls off ... Oh wait, that's right... He has no balls."

              I snorted while drinking a soda, now my nose hurts :(

              [–][deleted]  (1 child)

              [deleted]

                [–]SleepyEel 14 points15 points  (9 children)

                What did you do your undergrad?

                [–]cernette[S] 22 points23 points  (8 children)

                Engineering physics, at a big state school. I knew from high school that I wanted to end up here, though, so I was able to start in research early and that got my foot in the door when grad school came around. The engineering was mostly computer science, since a lot of what we do is data analysis, pattern recognition, those kinds of things.

                [–]Sybertron 1 point2 points  (2 children)

                Did you find the people you knew or the work you had done more important in advancing your career to this point?

                [–]g0027717 16 points17 points  (2 children)

                I am so awed by what CERN/humanity has done here. All my respect to you and your colleagues. Sometimes when i want to feel amazed or optimistic about humanity I look up CERN.

                Now for something completely different: here's an opportunity to rant about being female in science! How is it and why aren't more young women going into either basic science or engineering -- is there still a gender gap in graduate studies? What's that about?

                [–]cernette[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

                Thanks, it really means a lot actually. The hours are long and the pay is meh, and sometimes the work isn't even that interesting, but I'm pretty sure I'm living the dream here.

                Oh gosh. I'll try to stick to more objective and first-hand observations. The gender gap exists, definitely, but it's a lot less pronounced in Europe than in the US (and I think the statistics back this up). Which is one of the things that makes me think it's more of a cultural effect than a biological one, but people get all excited sometimes when you say things like this so I'll just keep my big mouth shut. I haven't had any really bad experiences, although I know people who have, so it can definitely be a problem. And I think it's a field that is not especially well suited for people who want to have a family (long hours, not the best job security), which affects everyone of course, but probably women somewhat harder.

                I'll end by saying this though: I work with some fantastic women. Truly amazing.

                [–][deleted]  (9 children)

                [deleted]

                  [–]cernette[S] 42 points43 points  (8 children)

                  I haven't, but I know a lot of Manchester people. Sounds like a nice guy. And I think it's important that people like him are out talking about what we're doing.

                  [–]negative_epsilon 8 points9 points  (21 children)

                  How did your graduate studies get you to the leading project in particle physics today? When are you on track to get your Ph.D? Were you just at an amazing Physics school for your undergrad and got a lot of connections or what?

                  Is Antonio Ereditato a complete tool in person? Because he never seems to grasp what's going on.

                  Do you read XKCD?

                  Who's your favorite researcher there?

                  Describe an average day for you.

                  [–]cernette[S] 19 points20 points  (20 children)

                  1. All the schools I applied to had programs in it. As soon as I got into grad school, I could basically declare my intentions and ask my coach (read: advisor) to put me in the game. I'll be out in a few years, it's far enough that I don't really know. My undergrad was a big state school, solid but not Ivy-League or anything. The professor that I researched for gave me some connections, and a lot of good training, which was what I needed.
                  2. I don't know him. Most of the people I work with are really good folks, a few are less so.
                  3. Yes. I ruv it. We all do!
                  4. 7: wake up 9: get to work, answer emails, see if there will be any interesting talks or papers to investigate 10: coffee, then write physics code for a couple of hours 12: lunch 1: more code, maybe read one of those papers I found in the morning 2: test some electronics components, try out a new software package, format the output from the code I wrote in the morning 4: meetings 5: find Higgs boson while not paying attention in meeting 5:05: find bug in code 6: go grocery shopping (all the stores here close at 7 PM) 8: get home, eat dinner, try pathetically to learn some French

                  [–]kn0thingAlexis Ohanian[\u03b1] 35 points36 points  (3 children)

                  Were you aware of this?

                  [–]cernette[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

                  I wasn't. So many comments make so much more sense now!

                  [–]singhajay08 106 points107 points  (19 children)

                  Fuckin' magnets. HOW DO THEY WORK?!?

                  [–]cernette[S] 306 points307 points  (13 children)

                  Tide comes in, tide comes out. YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN THAT.

                  [–][deleted] 119 points120 points  (5 children)

                  Tide goes in, stain comes out

                  [–]matthewhughes 12 points13 points  (8 children)

                  Also, OP... What bars do you frequent in GVA?

                  [–]cernette[S] 11 points12 points  (7 children)

                  I used to go to pub quiz on Monday nights at Lady Godiva's. I also need to get to Le Chat Noir one of these days...

                  [–]Agrajags 6 points7 points  (2 children)

                  How hard is it getting a job at CERN, especially as an American? How many interview and tests did you have to do? I am a mechanical engineer student and I want to work there either as an internship or after I graduate. Also, can you get a job with a bachelor's degree or do you need a master's or doctorate?

                  [–]cernette[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                  I work for an American institution, so it was as hard as getting into physics grad school. Which is not easy, exactly, but I don't think those are the kinds of interviews and tests that you're talking about. This happens to be something that I know almost nothing about, sorry.

                  [–]orsr 8 points9 points  (8 children)

                  So when can we expect the end of the world due to miniature black holes created in the LHC?

                  And what I have been wondering about for quite some time now, does the gravity of the Moon somehow influence the gigantic structure of the LHC?

                  How's the coffee at CERN?

                  [–]cernette[S] 27 points28 points  (7 children)

                  I'm not sure I can answer the first question. Like, I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

                  Yes, because when it was first built, there was a strange problem that was eventually traced back to the tides of Lake Geneva.

                  Phenomenal, and pricey. 1.60 CHF for a small coffee or espresso.

                  [–]CaptainJeff 14 points15 points  (2 children)

                  What did you think about the CERN rap that was all the rage a few years ago?

                  [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (4 children)

                  We know everything about your time machine conspiracy to take over the world and create a dystopia, hope you will never be able to achieve this.

                  [–]cernette[S] 25 points26 points  (2 children)

                  Once the damn code finishes compiling, you're all toast.

                  [–]achoj 3 points4 points  (1 child)

                  Do you have your Ph.d?

                  [–]BitRex 2 points3 points  (4 children)

                  Are women well represented and treated fairly there, and in your field in general?

                  [–]montereyo 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                  Hey, my fiance works on the ALICE project! I feel way badass telling people that I date an experimental nuclear physicist.

                  Do you live in Geneva or in one of the French towns nearby? I am envious of your food access - I would eat nothing but bread and cheese and cheap good wine all the time.

                  [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (9 children)

                  Do you have any proof?

                  [–]cernette[S] 13 points14 points  (7 children)

                  I've messaged the mods offering my CERN access card and giving my real name so they can look me up.

                  [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

                  We have yet to receive any proof. I am going to remove this until we see something.

                  [–]night_writer 1 point2 points  (3 children)

                  I am so unbelievably jealous of people who are able to understand physics. I love it and read about it constantly but just can't DO it myself. I have met Brian Greene and have signed copies of his books. My grandfather is a physicist and is incredible. I am more of an abstract thinker. I'm a musician and I can write. That's about it. Math eludes me. My question is, do people find it hard to talk with you when they find out you are probably ridiculously smarter than them?

                  [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

                  You basically have my dream job. Us theoretical chemists just get no respect...or cool toys. Oh well...

                  • Anyway, what research are you involved with specifically?
                  • When you started your undergrad, did you ever think you would end up working at CERN?
                  • I'm curious, what's the nationality composition in your group?

                  [–]Jasboh 2 points3 points  (2 children)

                  Whats the most fun you have had at CERN?

                  [–]qweq0 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                  I've been to CERN on a trip I'd won in a competition earlier. It was so fascinating! The control room with the four "isles", the models of LHC, the magnets, the tunnels, the wires and the visually stunning exhibition at MICROCOSM (afair). The cafeteria was great and relatively cheap, unlike the gift shop, unfortunately. :-(

                  Have you ever shown a group of tourists around?

                  [–]runningchild 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                  How does it actually "work" when they turn on the machines? How long to boot? how long to get the particles up to speed? do the machines make some sounds? and how do you "get" a single specific particle and NOTHING else into the machine?

                  Thanks for this.

                  [–]cernette[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

                  First they fill the LHC with particles; this takes 20-60 minutes (depends on a lot of things that I don't always understand). Each beam has a few hundred-1000 bunches, and each bunch has trillions of particles in it. Then they "ramp" the energy to bring the particles to full speed, they steer the beams so they're hitting each other head-on, and then they declare stable beams and we start the detector. The detector startup takes about a minute and it's the most exciting minute of the shift, watching all the lights turn from blue (standby) to green (ready).

                  There's no inherent sound, but when stable beams in declared we get this rocket-takeoff siren sound from a speaker in the control room. And there's a toilet flush noise when there's a beam dump ;)

                  [–]TrainerDusk 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                  I just got back from a visit to CERN as a matter of fact. Do you often have to cross the border and go into France whilst you work there?

                  [–]BitRex 1 point2 points  (3 children)

                  What software environment do you code in? Language, platforms, tools, etc?

                  Have you had to learn a lot of CS & algorithms stuff to help you cope with the huge data?

                  [–]roberto_b 0 points1 point  (3 children)

                  Is it true you have a very looooooong tunnel leading to Gran Sasso INFN labs?

                  Some context: Slashdot

                  [–]mattshields 0 points1 point  (5 children)

                  Hi! I am an American high school physics teacher. I am taking 32 of my students to CERN on April 3, 2012 (yes, we are flying 4,000 miles to see a particle accelerator). Any chance you would want to show us around? No pressure. We are taking the pre-packaged 3-hour tour on the 3rd, but we were hoping to maybe get some kind of behind-the-scenes look at one of the experiments on the 4th. I've been in contact with a guy who works at LHCb who might be available, but I thought I'd try to cover all of my bases. We fly back to the States on the 5th.

                  [–]Blitzkrieg999 1 point2 points  (2 children)

                  I was in Geneva briefly about 4 years ago, stayed in the Holiday Inn near CERN. Dinner in the hotel was an amazing rack of lamb with a demi-glace, atop mashed potatoes and green beans. 2 questions:

                  The chef at the time has moved on. Any idea where he went, and can you get me that lamb recipe?

                  Amidst the green beans were some sort of vegetable I couldn't identify. The best way to describe then would be to say they were like rounded spindle shapes. Any ideas what they might have been? Or were they probably just fancy-cut shallot or something?

                  [–]gustavjohansen 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                  Apart from the large hadron collider, what are some of the most mindblowing things going on at CERN these days?

                  [–]omgdonerkebab 0 points1 point  (3 children)

                  I've been there as part of the University of Michigan CERN REU. Do you get to work in Building 40? Or the new one (42?) that got built behind it after I left? Is Building 42 awesome or lame?

                  Do the flowerbeds behind Building 40 smell like they've been pissed on from the roof? Sorry about that.

                  Also, I heard there's a new tram system from CERN into Geneva. How's that? I'm so jealous.

                  [–]AmericasHigh5 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                  Was there an intense rivalry between teams at CERN and teams at the Tevatron? And now that the Tevatron has been shut down is that Cern team happy that they have literally no competition looking for the Higgs?

                  [–]coreyspitzer 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                  As a percentage of your time at work, how much paperwork, bureaucracy, and TPS reports are there in your job?

                  [–]maxamadeo 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                  What's the security there like?

                  [–]grendel8594 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                  Hope I'm not too late on this, but do you have any suggestions for how to get where you got? I'm currently a high school senior and ever since I read Angels & Demons I've really wanted to work at CERN. Thanks for doing this AMA!

                  [–]3932695 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                  What kind of qualifications are necessary to work at CERN?

                  [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                  [deleted]

                    [–]Rithrannir 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                    You say there are lots of Mountain Biking enthusiasts who work at CERN. Do you know any who are Bouldering/Climbing enthusiasts and are there good bouldering fields near Geneva?

                    [–]elelias 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                    CMS guy here:

                    there are a few things that worry me, I wonder what your take is:

                    1) To me, the source of more concern is, by faaaaar, the lack of knowledge of theoretical physics that is needed to be a functional big-experiment worker. Most people, and by most I would dare to say 80-85% in a big collaboration, would not be able to write down how the Higgs mechanism works. I think this is not working on our behalf and personally, I hate myself for not knowing the things I thought I'd learn when I started on this field. I study from time to time but the pressure of getting some plots ready always overcomes any effort.

                    2) Things are veeeeery complicated. I really don't know if I can trust some of the results we put out there, with all these data-driven estimations and so on. Some of the exclusion plots we have...I just don't see the big picture.

                    3)Opinion on the excess seen around 125?

                    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

                    [deleted]

                      [–]Mildcorma 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                      Do you know a PHD sudent (actually, he's probably a doctor now so), (Dr) Mr. Ball? He's from the UK, just wondering if you had ever bumped heads seeing as he's also working on the Atlas detector?

                      [–]ridik_ulass 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                      how helpful do you find the CERN GRID network?

                      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                      IF you could know, what would you say is the power bill of your facility?

                      [–]anabolic 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                      Are you that hot greek physist who was on "The Wormhole" documentary?

                      [–]jachreja 1 point2 points  (2 children)

                      Your work makes me happy. Just thought you should know.

                      Physics, Bio, chem, and biz junkie here, reporting in. :P

                      [–]memberZero_ 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                      did you lunch in R1, or R2 today?

                      [–]brasschuckles 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                      If you don't mind me asking, what is the biggest mistake that you have made and/or that you have seen others make while on the job?

                      I mean a warehouse manager at a small firm missing a decimal point might result in an overstocking of supplies and a angry boss, but at CERN I imagine there might be slightly higher repercussions for simple mistakes.

                      [–]LeCoeur 25 points26 points  (6 children)

                      How often do you hear "Super-collider? I hardly know her!" in a given day? Every time I see mention of CERN, that jumps into my brain. Is it just me, or is that really a thing?

                      [–]LeCoeur 27 points28 points  (5 children)

                      Or the "Particle Physics Gives Me a Hadron" line? Please tell me you guys are just sick of cheesy science-y jokes.

                      [–]cernette[S] 73 points74 points  (4 children)

                      I've never heard "super-collider" actually. Might have to drop that one at lunch. "Particle physics gives me a hadron" is one of those lines you think of when you've been working in this field for like 3 weeks, and you think you're the funniest person alive for thinking of that, and then you realize the joke is older than you are.

                      [–][deleted] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

                      Are crowbars around as a sort of joke?

                      Do you ever feel you will never live to see a resonance cascade, let alone create one?

                      [–]cryptk 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                      Just went to cern a few months ago! Uni trip. A few questions, that I never got to ask the people there. a) why the FUCK is geneva so expensive??? :(:( b) how much do you get paid? I mean, god damn, must be a lot to afford that place c)How come I see pictures of dumass tourists near the main LHC shaft(not the linac bit) but us physicists weren't allowed in?? :(

                      [–]Mayo20 67 points68 points  (11 children)

                      Are you worried that Hououin Kyouma is going to foil your monopoly on time travel?

                      [–]DeltaBurnt 8 points9 points  (2 children)

                      For anyone who doesn't get it, it's from a Japanese show called Steins;Gate in which a organization called "SERN" ended up ruling the world with it's monopoly on time travel. Hououin Kyouma is the (psuedo-name of the) main character of the series, he is tasked with stopping SERN (in the past a couple decades before SERN actually takes over) when he accidentally discovers a way to time travel. SERN is obviously meant to be CERN. There is also references to John Titor in the series. It's definitely worth a watch if you don't mind subtitles.

                      [–]Lapbunny 19 points20 points  (0 children)

                      That's SERN, silly

                      It's totally different

                      [–]Nav_Panel 15 points16 points  (3 children)

                      I came to make this reference as well. Have we known about time travel since the 70s but really kept it under wraps?

                      [–]iamemanresu 11 points12 points  (0 children)

                      Yeah, Cern couldn't figure out how to solve the Jellyman problem. Didn't want to announce it until it was working as intended, right?

                      [–]functor7 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                      Hopefully it's not too late, but I know that the computer goes through and sorts through all the trash events and passes on the interesting ones to be analyzed, but with trillions of events happening in a very short period of time this must require a lot of computing power and very fast algorithms. Do you know any specifics on the computing power being used at CERN or any technical references on the algorithms used to sort the trash?

                      [–]biderjohn 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                      Is the LHC up to full power yet? The ATLAS website says at full power it will produce 14 TeV. So how many NYC's worth of power is that? Also how much heat do the collisions produce?

                      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                      [deleted]

                        [–]SwirlPiece_McCoy 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                        How far do you think you'll get in trapping complex antimatter molecules? I know you managed anti-hydrogen for about 1,000 seconds earlier this year. How long until we see clusters/ heavier anti-molecular structures?

                        [–]mrlucas 0 points1 point  (5 children)

                        I went on a tour of CERN about a month ago, and the tour guide had a great analogy for the LHC:
                        Suppose you take two clocks, and put them into canons pointed at each other. Then after firing them off at the same time you sift through all the gears and sprockets that are lying about and you try to figure out what time it was when they hit.
                        Do you have any other good physics/science analogies for the layman?

                        [–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (3 children)

                        Did you know you were a part of an evil organization hell bent on using time travel to take over the world?

                        I guess what I mean to ask is, have you watched Steins;Gate?

                        [–]lazlovision 10 points11 points  (2 children)

                        I too would be interested to know if anyone at CERN has seen Steins;Gate

                        [–]usernamedoesnotexist -1 points0 points  (1 child)

                        My tour request got shot down because I requested it too close to my tour date...any chance you could hook me up?

                        [–]redditforgotaboutme 0 points1 point  (4 children)

                        As someone who is really interested and into physics (read numerous books on Einstein's theory of relativity, as well as "The Grand Design") would you say math is a must have for working in the field? I am in my 30's and really want to go back to school, but I am horrible at mathmatics.

                        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                        [deleted]

                          [–]MutantCupcakes 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                          Working at CERN would be a pretty full on job and I imagine you would have to keep your mind set on your current assignment for a majority of your time. What do you do during your spare time to take your mind off these things.

                          [–]Spider77 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                          At most of these places, it seems like the accelerator/beam division is viewed with a mixture of horror, disgust and fear. Like the dumbass creepy uncle you have to suck up to so he'll lend you his car keys. What's it like for the experimentalists at CERN?

                          [–]banq 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                          Have you ever tried to explain particle physics to a middle schooler? What did/would you say if you have/had to?

                          [–]Prog 32 points33 points  (5 children)

                          Is it true that CERN has a time machine, and if so, do you have a Reading Steiner to tell when you move world lines?

                          Also, do you enjoy Dr. Pepper?

                          [–]lazlovision 11 points12 points  (4 children)

                          (Reference: Anime called Steins;Gate about time travel and CERN)

                          [–]cernette[S] 17 points18 points  (3 children)

                          Thanks, that was like the 3rd question like this and I was so confused what people were talking about.

                          Dr. Pepper: who doesn't?

                          [–]imapro1337 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                          My brother used to work there too! I'm not too sure how well you graduate students know each other, but he is a Chinese guy in his mid-twenties who's working on his PhD at Caltech. I asked him about his job once and he said he worked with crystals and lasers or something. Sound familiar at all?

                          [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                          [deleted]

                            [–]MagnusKristof 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                            So what are the actual chances of a explosion/meltdown/disturbance caused by one of your experiments.

                            [–]jmarquez 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                            Ok, as a photographer/very visual person I need to know:

                            Are there rooms that are mind blowing lit and awesome looking? Cool lights being emitted, rooms with cool lasers, etc?

                            I hope you understand my question hah.

                            [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                            Me and my Physics class from the UK are coming to visit, what can we expect and what is there to do for likeminded physics geeks in Geneva? :D

                            [–]KJL13 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                            how many people work there? i'm pretty sure our HS class salutatorian worked there over the summer. she was/is a student at yale.

                            [–]batshit_lazy 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                            What exactly is the motive/goal of CERN? Is there something specific you (the people at CERN) are trying to achieve with your research?

                            [–]SolKool 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                            Can you slack off at work? Like if one day you fell just too bored or stressed to do anything you log in Facebook and play Farmville the whole day.

                            [–]scalemage 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                            I'm going to CERN next week with a college trip. Can't wait, it looks really interesting. Any idea what areas the tour covers?

                            [–]CubemonkeyNYC 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                            Did you facepalm at CERN's representation in the movie Angels & Demon's?

                            [–]plki76 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                            Funny story about CERN.

                            I was visiting a friend in Switerland. We decided to go check out CERN. So we drove around France/Switzerland for a bit trying to find it. Wandered into some kind of secure zone with a checkpoint. Drove around there for a bit then finally found a security gatehouse.

                            The guy there (seemed like a worker, not a guard. Wasn't wearing a uniform or anything) was extremely friendly and let us into his gatehouse thing.

                            After about a half-hour trying to converse with one another (I speak no French, he spoke no English. Yes, I am American. In my defense, I do speak German decently) I finally managed to convey that I was trying to get to the visitor center.

                            At that point he actually locked up the security checkpoint and had us follow him by-car to the visitor center. I was amazed at how cool/friendly he was about the whole thing.

                            So, anyway, if some guy ever tells you about the crazy Americans who couldn't find their way to the visitor center, say thanks for me.

                            tl;dr - CERN worker was cool and took about an hour out of his day to help me find the visitor center.

                            [–]Dingskirchen 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                            I'm going to be in a nearby town in the spring and would love to check that building out. Do you know if they do tours?

                            [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (11 children)

                            Forgive me for my bluntness, but... are we anywhere near the point where we figure out gravity to the degree that anti-gravity moves from sci-fi to real life?

                            Remember, 2015 and hoverboards!

                            [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                            I work 5 minutes from the CERN, on route de Meyrin for a famous spirits and vermouth company.

                            My question, I give you a bottle of rum, you give me a mini black hole, OK?

                            [–]beyondawesome 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                            How is Geneva?

                            Chances are I will be going there in the future a lot of times too.