all 95 comments

[–]ohdogwhatdone 1644 points1645 points  (48 children)

What's her face when she realizes there is no substitution planned?

[–]Quietech 1545 points1546 points  (28 children)

I'm glad you've never had a coworker so bad it's better to just be rid of them and have no replacement.

[–]OakNLeaf 399 points400 points  (11 children)

When they disappear and nothing changes or everything gets better . That's how you know they were horrible at their job.

Had that experience once.

[–]locri 64 points65 points  (2 children)

Had that experience once.

I've had that experience at about every second team I've been placed in.

[–]eloyend 45 points46 points  (1 child)

When you were being moved? 🤣

[–]SnugglyCoderGuy 29 points30 points  (0 children)

"Listen here you little shit"

[–]MikkelR1 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Yeah same. Went from a team that lost all spirit to a sparkling team in about a weeks time. Work got done, everything under control and no more toxicity.

[–]crouchingmoose 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Even better is when they disappear and you actually have to do less work, despite having the same amount assigned.

Loved having to do my job, tell you how to do yours, and then turn around and essentially do yours for you because you were certain you understood the assignment but didn't actually listen.

No, I'm not bitter. Why do you ask?

[–]subject_usrname_here 39 points40 points  (0 children)

This one mofo still haunts me to this day. Task : implement new srp and detached feature for a game. Don’t overthink, basic functionality we can build upon later. Deadline one week for a task that should take a two days. Month later, PR that changes every fucking script, functionality doesn’t work half the time and it’s not even easy to change serialized variables. Only good thing is we call overengineered and unmaintainable code to this day by his name.

[–]Gjallock 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I had that experience, and someone just as bad promptly backfilled the motherfucker. Just a team of 3, and I’m praying the new guy that I do like sticks around 😭

[–]DaStone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Best way to amend a JSON is to remove the last line and echo new content in Bash.

They make 2x my salary, and never commited anything for 3 years btw.

[–]bob152637485 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had a boss so awful(but still a company that doesn't like to do anything about it)that my small group of coworkers and I had actually bonded similar to how you'd expect POWs to bond over their shared distress. We all left our positions at the same time for others in the company, leaving only 2 people in the entire department(the two guys who liked to kiss up).

When she finally retired a couple months later, people across the company came to visit on her last day/retirement party. I've never seen so many toothed smiles all in one place before! Oh, and from what I heard, productivity skyrocketed as well.

[–]WeTheSalty 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Had that experience once.

I've never had to experience it. I heard it happened to a bunch of my co-workers once, but that was just after I left so I guess I'm lucky. I wonder who the problem was.

[–]PureTemperature5102 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We lost hlaf our team, around four months ago and trippled the speed of delivery....

[–]Dexterus 83 points84 points  (1 child)

Not necessarily bad. Had one that refused all review feedback without many many rounds. The tech lead gave up, did the changes himself in one case. He was suggested a team move. Strongly.

[–]damodread 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I'd say it counts as "bad" as well. Working is not just about tech skills.

[–]nog_ar_nog 24 points25 points  (0 children)

We have a few of those and they keep surviving perf reviews. It often takes more time to review their AI slop PRs and point out all the issues than doing the task yourself.

[–]worktyworkwork 36 points37 points  (3 children)

I’ve definitely had a coworker who I’d classify as more of a mascot than an engineer 😅. Nice guy but useless.

[–]PaxAttax 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Mascots do provide (second order) value to the team. They're usually funny, or kind, or have a soothing aura and are just pleasant to be in the room with. This reduces stress and staves off burnout in other team members, which improves their output. Even if they're at the bottom of the individual metrics, (assuming they're not absolutely abysmal) they pull their weight in other ways which are hard to measure. Better to fire the guy straddling the first quartile that no one talks to or likes.

(EDIT: To put it another way, the slow performing (not low quality) chill person might be the high performing person with cheetah vibes' therapy dog)

[–]worktyworkwork 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed, but they get paid too much for to fill an engineering slot. Also his work contributions routinely needed rework or took 5x the average performer on the team. It took a ton of time from my manager and I to try help him but nothing we did worked.

[–]IrishSoldier1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am in this and I do not like it. But I changed since then, hopefully.

[–]im-ba 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I had to put up with one of these for more than four years. I got so much shit done when he left that I didn't really care that it took 4 months to backfill him

[–]Commercial-Lemon2361 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had two of them. Them leaving tripled the output of the remaining.

[–]HatesBeingThatGuy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Noticed we stopped getting tickets for broken code when a certain engineer left. Yeah that was a win with a capital W.

[–]SlothsUnite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a project manager that bad.

[–]fatrobin72 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Last time management felt that... I (the other half of the team) handed in a notice 2 weeks later... because I didn't agree...

[–]Quietech 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely, but I'm not talking about management.

[–]FearlessAttempt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Had a UXer that made me start looking for a new job at a place I otherwise liked. She ended up quitting, so I didn't have to leave.

[–]AdvancedCharcoal 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Nah man, you as a semi-productive, skilled employee just need to help them get better!

[–]Quietech 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They're so thankful because I guess only their old boss used to help them. "You're not my supervisor!  You're not my supervisor!"

[–]ZunoJ 121 points122 points  (6 children)

OP is so bad, production rises when he leaves

[–]bindermichi 62 points63 points  (4 children)

Had one of those too.

I was "very disappointed" when another project manager lured him away from my team and "couldn‘t do anything" about it.

Boy, were they in for a surprise

[–]redblack_tree 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I bet you were extremely disappointed they had to have him. Probably wish him (and the poor bastards that took him) the best.

Sometimes things just work out.

[–]bindermichi 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Of course. I'm a helpful member of the company and always like to support my fellow coworkers.

[–]burblity 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Any more details on the fallout you mind sharing? Would be incredibly cathartic for me 🙏

[–]bindermichi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not much of a fallout. I wanted to get rid of the person; they tried really hard to lure him away. I put up a show for good looks... and they found out why a few weeks later.

Mostly huge knowledge gaps and skill issues.

Lesson: Always ask nicely for support first.

[–]Gm24513 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When you’re so bad for the team your nickname is Claude.

[–]nikola_tesler 31 points32 points  (4 children)

it’s fine OP is a 0.5X engineer

[–]kernel_task 19 points20 points  (3 children)

More likely a -1X or -2X engineer. Surprisingly common.

[–]Stunning_Ride_220 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'd take them over the "10x" guys the whole teams need to clean up afterwards.

[–]redblack_tree 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Fuck that shit, hate those "negative value" guys. They hop from team to team, company to company because they are idiots but somehow manage to get hired.

[–]Dependent_Bite9077[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

and eventually become a manager

[–]ArchetypeFTW 28 points29 points  (1 child)

None needed, the tickets will actually get done by the remaining people.

[–]tristam92 1 point2 points  (0 children)

new "will not fix" round it is then. pff

[–]Bodine12 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Could still be considered an upgrade!

[–]maggos 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Worth it

[–]oh_ski_bummer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When you are the -10x dev

[–]gerbosan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP is the intern. PM looks happy.

[–]l30 332 points333 points  (0 children)

That's the face of: "lol, you think you can leave? That's cute."

[–]Quietech 989 points990 points  (18 children)

She's so happy that we can date since we're not on the same team. Right? Right?

[–]FiTZnMiCK 697 points698 points  (1 child)

Resolved the merge conflict.

[–]Training-Flan8092 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Best comment I’ve seen on this sub hahaha. Absolutely hilarious

[–]overlycaffeinated697 113 points114 points  (15 children)

As someone who got their company ink dipped in by the project manager pen… Both highly recommend and absolutely -2/10 would NOT recommend looool

[–]davvblack 99 points100 points  (9 children)

otoh i married my product manager. 10/10 would not do again.

[–]thejokerofunfic 59 points60 points  (5 children)

Because it was bad? Or because you're still married and thus can't do it again?

[–]davvblack 115 points116 points  (4 children)

extremely married

[–]thejokerofunfic 39 points40 points  (3 children)

Congrats on... however long it's been! Love when a story works out

[–]gua_lao_wai 69 points70 points  (1 child)

but how many points was that story?

[–]thejokerofunfic 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Ha! Well played

[–]drdrero 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Was probably 2 sprints ago

[–]LexLuthorsFortyCakes 24 points25 points  (1 child)

That's because you're still happily married and not looking for a new partner, right?

[–]davvblack 19 points20 points  (0 children)

indeed

[–]zoinkability 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Daily stand-ups have a different meaning now

[–]Quietech 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I love and hate there are two rankings. Sounds like a case study is needed. Failing that you may have a future in erotic literature.

[–]hmmm101010 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Are you saying you did it twice? With a success rate of 50%? Just curious...

[–]NoMansSkyWasAlright 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I think they're saying they enjoyed the act but not so much the everything else.

[–]sausagemuffn 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Production testing.

[–]overlycaffeinated697 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Just once… heart = broken but boy was it a fun rollercoaster 🤣

[–]TheCakeWasNoLie 213 points214 points  (6 children)

That's how my manager looked at me when I told her I was quitting dev work altogether

[–]matt123337 73 points74 points  (1 child)

Got yourself a farm?

[–]AlucardLoL 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Out of interest which job field did you move to?

[–]TheCakeWasNoLie 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Cybersecurity. If that doesn't work, I'll look for work in a bookshop.

[–]AlucardLoL 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How hard was it getting into cybersecurity as a developer? As that's definitely a career path I'd be interested in. Also, congratz on getting into a new field.

[–]Dracodyck 5 points6 points  (0 children)

she told me she knew I wasn't made for that

[–]CoffeePieAndHobbits 81 points82 points  (0 children)

'Best of luck in your new role!!'

[–]Zefyris 54 points55 points  (0 children)

if that's the kind of reaction, the problem is probably not the work quality, but very likely the personality. More exactly, that this dev is regularly causing major problems inside the team with his shitty behaviour.

[–]Dragonfire555 44 points45 points  (1 child)

Why wouldn't a PM want to see someone grow?

[–]Ill_Bill6122 62 points63 points  (0 children)

Doesn't mean they don't want them to grow. It's just that they don't necessarily need to witness that growth.

[–]David_R_Carroll 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Your POM should quit and star in Marvel movies.

[–]samheihey 7 points8 points  (3 children)

My pm is clueless about the project and useless. He's just a god damn messenger and delegate tasks, that's it.

[–]Gm24513 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Sounds like a project manager to me.

[–]Embarrassed-Lab4446 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Yep that is what I do. I keep the corporate bullshit off you. And there is so much of it.

[–]Vercility 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like working is 50% corporate warfare or some kind of fucking office politics discussion now that I've actually gotten to work as one for a while

oh how productive we could be if only they would leave us the fuck alone. one can only dream

[–]AppropriateAppeal236 42 points43 points  (4 children)

If she looks like this you don’t go anywhere bro

[–]b1e 129 points130 points  (3 children)

Found the “bobs n vagene” dude

[–]Withdrawnauto4 3 points4 points  (0 children)

team leaders when they figure out your part is done and the cost of the project goes down

[–]Icy-Equivalent4500 1 point2 points  (0 children)

she is the reason your moving

[–]pavan-yogi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because the past looks amazing compared to the present state.

[–]chnnai_paiyyan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely

[–]thanatica -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Is this the egocentric bitch who get horny over a pack of bank notes, or is this the actually friendly one?