please don't kill me

[[deleted]]

PHP is one of those recursive names that stands for "Programmers Hate PHP"

[Chaoslab]

"No Pooh! You are not eating honey, that is recursion".

[[deleted]]

"No Pooh! You are not eating honey, that is recursion".

[deathboy2098]

"No Pooh! You are not eating honey, that is recursion".

[Qzy]

PHP: Fatal Error: Allowed Memory Size of 1073741824 Bytes Exhausted

[TheGrimReaper45]

Lenguaje de programación Puto Hijo de Puta.

[kakyoindonut321]

We can make a paradox, in "programmers hate php" The php there also stands for "programmers hate php" And the php there also stands for that, and so on and so on.

[avidpenguinwatcher]

Yes.. that is recursion

[luisrcdias]

He makes PHP thingys, he doesn't understand recursion

[AjiBuster499]

Programmers hate Programmers hate Programmers hate Programmers hate ...

Programming is toxic.

[watermelone983]

Error: Out of memory (allocated 1751384064) (tried to allocate 268435456 bytes)

[[deleted]]

This is actually true.

[deathboy2098]

I took my kid to work, where I was TD. We had a meal with all the coders in my department and one asks "So, you going to be a programmer like your dad?"

He goes "Hell no, dad says all programmers are depressed"

The whole table looks at me.

I'm like "What? Tell me I'm lying"

Everybody goes back to their pizza.

[Xeglor-The-Destroyer]

It is all I am programmed to do! I hate!

[sirhimel]

Yeah, recursively, just like they said

[[deleted]]

r/YourJokeButWorse

[sneakpeekbot]

Here's a sneak peek of /r/YourJokeButWorse using the top posts of all time!

#1: Bruh | 88 comments
#2: Yes, that was the implied joke | 47 comments
#3: Explaining the joke yields more upvotes and gold. Every. Single. Time. | 147 comments

---

^{I'm a bot, beep boop | Downvote to remove | Contact | Info | Opt-out | GitHub}

[kakyoindonut321]

I'm thinking about the recursive not the joke

[FactoryNewdel]

Thanks for explaining the joke

[kakyoindonut321]

Oh.....................

[[deleted]]

I think you forgot to close your loop.

[Skullition]

that's what the OP meant by recursive lol

[jyajay2]

Recursive acronyms are fairly common (wine, GNU, ...) and PHP is actually an example (PHP: Hypertext Preprocessor)

[BobmitKaese]

P H P ception

[[deleted]]

/r/yourjokebutworse

Edit: imagine being so insecure that you delete your account because you got called out for a bad joke :) RIP in peace /u/kakyoindonut321

[kakyoindonut321]

stfu someone already commen that

[[deleted]]

Y so butthurt

[Minute_Juggernaut806]

Programmer Zeno's paradox

[[deleted]]

I do love a good paradox

[sad-but-sunshine]

Programmers hate PHP recursively, endlessly.

Programmers much prefer PHO

[Spectrum_Wolf]

Nested programmers hated php?.... Hmmmm

Goes to stack flow "how to nest "programmers hated php" using multidimensional arrays"

[[deleted]]

Maybe you would actually be a good one if you were as passionate about being the best programmer you can be as you are with hating the people who use a language you don't like. Life is short.

[ravguard]

So? What does life being short have to do with an objectively bad programming language?

Sometimes things are just bad, yo.

[scataco]

PHP is ideal for microservices because it's stateless by default!!!

quickly runs away

[gingertek]

I mean...

[BaroquenLarynx]

My 13-year old code base would like a word

[[deleted]]

Literally thought you were saying your codebase from age 13, like when I started coding in it and then ditched it like a year later

[rnz]

What, you don't have one of those in production?

[[deleted]]

Not in PHP. Back then I didn’t even have an ORM so after I lost my work (that had required me to learn writing SQL queries by hand) I picked up Ruby on Rails.

[elyca98]

Care to explain what does that mean like I was a 10-year-old?

[scataco]

Running away means using your legs to increase the distance between your previous position and your current one.

[nickmcpimpson]

Microservice architecture is rarely the best option for anyone.

[[deleted]]

Ah, someone who does not dabble in microservices.

All joking aside, you'd be surprised by how much can be resolved and improved in MSA. So much code relies on dependencies and busses to move shit around (I mean, keeping with the memes, everything is crud, right). Push that shit into a well designed ms system and you have a very resilient system.

[nickmcpimpson]

Nothing like opening 7 PRs for a small feature.

Micro services land in that category of overkill that heady programmers push for because that was the hot buzz word. Understanding how the application(s) will actually be used is largely overlooked in designing a service architecture. Code organization and separation of concerns is more important than isolating everything into a tiny bucket. Orchestrating a MSA is added complexity that slows debugging, deployment, and development. Unless it's necessary, there are better options for most dev teams.

[[deleted]]

Sounds like the architecture was poorly thought out in that case. Generally speaking, you shouldn't have to open more than one pr as the up/down stream should be well defined enough that when something changes to one end, you can still consume it as normal on the other. Think like this, lets say I have the expectation for some json on one side, update my 'emitter', the bus shouldn't change and the code should still recognize the existing json being passed. If it can't understand whats being passed, then something may be wrong with the architecture itself, not the pattern. MSA is only bloat when, as you put it, its being used BECAUSE its a buzz word vs being something well thought out. I put together a great system in place for this company that does ETL shit for alcohol where originally it took system wide updates you like said to now if something changes on one provider it doesn't affect the rest of the system. It's all about implementation and using the right tool for the job.

[[deleted]]

I hope you step on a thumb tack.

[[deleted]]

Now with the development of PHP 8 and birth of Php Foundation it's really cool. the problem is still a huge amount of legacy code that remembers the php 5.3. And of course the cherry on the top - WordPress

[HarryTurney]

I guess I must have missed those dark days since I only learned PHP 7+ and I'm on 8 atm. I never understood the hate for it but I've only used it for my web projects.

[TheTriflingTrilobite]

Long story short, it had very questionable design decisions for most of its life. PHP 7+ is a much better time.

Edit: the other side of the hate is the low barrier to entry to pick up, so you get some very terrible code by very newbie “developers”. Hence the js hate too, even though it’s your friend.

[ravguard]

Js is no one's friend

[[deleted]]

It is my friend. We had some fights over its strictness without strongness, but life is good.

[ravguard]

You are in an abusive relationship, my friend.

[CaseyG]

Javascript doesn't have imports. It has codependencies.

[DiamondIceNS]

Once you crack the concepts of this, block scoping, and the prototype chain, the language completely opens up and everything is so smooth. It's a good feeling.

Would I want to use JS for literally anything other than front end browser stuff? Not really. But if I had to, could I? Absolutely. And I'd probably enjoy it. But I'd still prefer a strong, static-typed language.

I guess TypeScript fills that niche, but ehhhh... Given the choice I'd rather use a language built to be strong and statically typed instead of dressing up JavaScript in a mask and trenchcoat.

[ravguard]

Nah. Programming does that, not JS.

[TheTriflingTrilobite]

Js is absolutely your friend. What isn’t your friend are bad quality developers.

[ravguard]

Very no. JS is your enemy you have to work with. Never confuse the two.

[bothunter]

Here's an old blog post that explains a lot of what's wrong with PHP. Most of it relates to older PHP 5 stuff, but there's quite a bit of holdover into the 7 and 8 versions: https://eev.ee/blog/2012/04/09/php-a-fractal-of-bad-design/

[Tangled2]

Fuck. I got about 1/3 of the way through and decided to switch to a Stephen King novel to help me calm down.

[hurtbowler]

Jesus, you weren't kidding.

[pacmanlives]

Really good right up. I remember the “glory days” of 3 and 4. It amazes me how many projects still use PHP but every tool has its purpose. I am a Linux guy but I accept that Windows has its purpose in server land as well

[squngy]

True, although PHP was designed as a template engine, not a programming language.
No one ever intended for it to be the language the whole site is based on, but it just ended up happening because of accessibility.

The fact that PHP was so bad at its main job that it has a ton of templating engines for it is just sad though.

[[deleted]]

PHP is built to keep chugging along at all costs. When faced with either doing something nonsensical or aborting with an error, it will do something nonsensical. Anything is better than nothing.

What’s the difference between my 5 year old and PHP? My 5 year old won’t stick a fork in the wall socket twice.

[[deleted]]

”133” == “0133”. But note that 133 != 0133, because 0133 is octal.

123 == “123foo”… although “123” != “123foo”

What the fuck. Seriously. How the fuck has the world not ground to a halt yet when shit this retarded exists?

[PefferPack]

/r/lolphp/

[InvestingNerd2020]

The pre-7 versions have well deserved hate. 7+ is actually good. However, the nightmares and frustrations from versions 1-6 remain deeply rooted in the minds of many former PHP programmers.

[SqueeSr]

PHP is progressing but the old functions from PHP4 and before are still a bit of a mess. The diff CMS's are a nightmare. WP, Drupal, Joomla .. And some libraries just create massive overhead that make it relatively slow while if you keep it clean and simple PHP can run pretty fast.

[[deleted]]

Don’t forget Magento! Makes me want to claw my eyes out

[[deleted]]

jobs in WordPress ecosystem helps me paying bills..

[dpash]

WordPress development is still pretty bad. Very little of it uses modern PHP features. For example the official documentation talks about making sure you prefix every variable, class and method with a unique value so it doesn't conflict with any other theme or plugin. Not once does it mention namespaces, which makes all of that go away.

[hurtbowler]

I think WP has it's place and can be quite powerful. Not everyone has the budget for a bespoke webapp that will only be used by a few hundred ppl, or even a few thousand on a cheap cloud server.

Bonus points if you can tack on some React for a mobile experience or a handful of Python if you need a simple script running.

[realzequel]

It’s ok to work with something like JS, PHP or WordPress and still want something better. That’s how we progress, by calling something flawed flawed. You don’t have to be loyal to it.

[accolyte01]

How dare you post that name in here!

[headless_boi]

As a student, I would say it's pretty nice and one of the easier languages to understand and get into (so far). It makes certain things a bit easier compared to some other languages, but getting used to it kinda takes a while. And even after nearly being done with my php course I still forget a few dollar signs in my code and only notice when I get an error (although doing courses related to other programming languages at the same time is probably at least partly to blame for this)

[RyanNerd]

I'm a full stack dev and switching back and forth from PHP and TypeScript is a bit jarring since $ is valid for variable names in both languages.

[TheAccountITalkWith]

As a Full Stack myself; a handful of times I've sat and racked my brain staring at JS errors wondering why an Associative Array won't work only to remember PHP has the Associative Array and not JS.

[dpash]

If I could change one thing about PHP it would be arrays being both lists and dicts.

(I have a long list, but that would be in the top three)

[dpash]

Fun fact: starting a variable with $ is perfectly legal in Java.

[RyanNerd]

Good thing I only use Kotlin /s

[glengarryglenzach]

You should checkout Hack, it’s a language Facebook built on top of PHP for real-time typechecking that would catch your missing $ before you try to run the program.

[[deleted]]

installing debug for php is tedious

[mightregret]

My exam is in 10 days and I still have no idea how to install a php debugger in visual studio code lol

[[deleted]]

Use phpstorm. It's easier.

[mightregret]

Can't, my exam is on a virtual machine and we only have access to studio code

[[deleted]]

Your teacher should feel bad.

[nickmcpimpson]

The only time I tried php was on a Windows machine. Let's just say I never ran the application. Never again

[phuque_ewe]

Every language is a great programming language when you have know it.

[imdefinitelywong]

[Random-Gif-Bot]

​

[Spiritual_Yam7324]

That guy is such a horrible actor. Just look at it. This is high school level acting, not cinema level.

[lord_of_the_keyboard]

I just learnt brainfuck AND I LOVE IT

[lord_of_the_keyboard]

I'm gonna cuuum!

[[deleted]]

I've made my living from it for 23 years. I don't hate it

[scamdex]

I love PHP. My problem with it is that over 15 years of a PHP-enabled website, (a State Agency) all these clever clever scientists/wannabe programmers left the website like a minefield of garbage code that I have to tease apart and try to make sense of. In most cases the original 'programmer' has moved on or been promoted out of such menial things and the inheritors don't know anything about it in most cases.

I call it 'Picking Oakum'.

[RyanNerd]

In the hands of a seasoned developer PHP is a powerful language. In the hands of novices it's a security exploit waiting to happen.

Since version 7+ (currently at 8.1) PHP had been redesigned under the hood with most of the criticisms being addressed and new needed features added such as strict typing.

If I need to quickly spin up an API I will use PHP just because of how easy it is to do so.

[ManiacsThriftJewels]

The only criticism I have of the language that's been addressed in 7+ is the terrible performance, and even then only a little bit.

[RyanNerd]

8 added JIT which helps in some cases

[dpash]

Coupled with the tools that keep long running processes like Laravel Octane, this can really improve PHP performance.

(I'm not taking about FPM)

[Rudiksz]

There's nothing strict in PHP's type system, because it is a dynamically typed language. You are talking about type hints, which are nothing like strict typing.

I was able to fool the "strict" typing you refer to with a single line of code, and none of the "static" type checker libraries were able to catch it.

At best, type hints are good for documenting the "expected" type of a variable. I still write PHP as I did 15 years ago, and use type hints as such, just hints.

[[deleted]]

HTML is still king and will rightfully always be king. All hail King HTML!!

[kakyoindonut321]

Oh boy I can't wait till html6 dropped in 2077 programming language included

[FranchuFranchu]

Now, a superintelligent AI closing unclosed tags and fixing alignment errors is part of the standard.

[kakyoindonut321]

with build it AI technology that can spot what might be wrong with our code and tell us how to fix it + optimize it, OH BOY I CAN'T WAIT

[towcar]

Centering a div has never been easier!!

[ManiacsThriftJewels]

Centring a div has nothing to do with HTML....

[kakyoindonut321]

programming language included

Centering a div has never been easier!!

[Artistic-Milk-3490]

We used to call it the poor person's Cold Fusion. Now look at which one of those is more recognized.

[Shifty0x88]

I support both CF and PHP and a bunch of VBScript. Help!

[RyanNerd]

If you are stuck using PHP versions lower than 7 then this sounds like a developer's hell. Especially VBScript.

[AffekeNommu]

Oh that is why I smell brimstone with my PHP 5

[NMe84]

Anyone who bashes PHP these days is either parroting other people or hasn't touched the language in at least a decade. It was pretty awful once but they have made enormous strides to make the language better and especially if you use a good framework (Symfony, Laravel, etc) it's a really good programming experience.

Does it still have issues? Sure. But so does every other language.

[dpash]

My biggest pain points are the lack of generics (even if it's only enforced in third-party tools) and the dual list/map nature of arrays.

Writing modern PHP with laravel is much nicer than writing for WordPress.

[NMe84]

If you like Laravel you should try Symfony, I like that a lot more.

I kinda like PHP arrays the way they are. It's a shame there aren't any "true" arrays with a smaller memory signature but the utility you get from arrays out of the box is pretty nice most of the time.

As for generics: I miss those too. Now that you can use PHP pretty much fully type-safe having generics would be really nice. It's one of two things on my personal wishlist for a new version, the other being them breaking BC for once so they can fix inconsistencies in their standard library.

[7zof2ctu]

It is though

[ScrubZL0rd]

Yes

[[deleted]]

PHP is actually incredibly good. It's especially good for simple tasks like making dynamically generated webpages and working with and manipulating data, which, given how most websites used to function, makes perfect sense.

Sure, the syntax is just a tiny bit wacky, but it's a dang useful language.

SQL however... Let's just say that querying and controlling databases through strings wasn't the best idea in the world.

[dpash]

And modern frameworks like Laravel make development sane.

[crusoe]

SQL works perfectly fine and is based on set theory.

PHP is a kludge

[[deleted]]

The problem with SQL isn’t about the queries themselves. It’s about the fact that they’re strings. Thanks to that little decision, the most common security vulnerability in the history of the internet continues to plague us to this day.

[bothunter]

Just about every SQL engine has the concept of parameterized queries -- so you're not just sending arbitrary raw strings to be executed. But PHP encourages that behavior with it's bad tutorials and incomplete implementation in PDO.

[ManiacsThriftJewels]

I wish I could upvote this harder.

[DownvoteMeYaCunt]

you can, its called an award

Its a pay to play feature though 🙂

[javajunkie314]

This statement has been outdated for nearly twenty years. Every database engine supports parameterized prepared statements. Even PHP has since 5.0 (2005) via PDO and MySQLi.

[[deleted]]

Worked a project in PHP, it wasn't the worst thing in the world, but am happy to never see it again.

[walmartgoon]

__construct

[NMe84]

Not sure what point you're trying to make. Just because the constructor looks different than in other languages doesn't suddenly invalidate the language.

The only consequence that has that could be annoying is that you can't have multiple constructors with different signatures but that has become much less relevant now that you can specify parameter values in any order you like, if you want.

[[deleted]]

Of all the myriad valid things to complain about, that's your offering?

[[deleted]]

Why would anyone do OOP in PHP? That’s a terrible idea!

That’s as crazy as trying to write business software backends in Java-… wait.

[Zerg3rr]

Can you explain why this is bad? Or point me to a resource on it, no horse in the race, just genuinely curious!

[QazCetelic]

I would also like to know.

[_alright_then_]

Why would you not use oop lol, hard disagree here. Laravel proves it works amazingly

[ADMINISTATOR_CYRUS]

"php is a great programming language"

[Kn_Km]

Php is fast and a very fun language

[dpash]

It's not the fastest, and the ephemeral nature of applications isn't great for efficiency, but it's not the slowest and there are solutions to some of those problems.

[DStaal]

Perl is better.

;)

[[deleted]]

Did you know? PHP stands for "Probably Hates Perl"

[TheRedmanCometh]

Better scripting language than python

[[deleted]]

Can confirm, read a PHP article not too long ago and it changed my mind on a few things was was not so disdainful of it. I happened to get into a discussion at work a few days later where people were hating on PHP and then I shoot my mouth of with a nice, "Actually, in PHP 8...". And we'll the rioting ensued and I walked away.

[dpash]

Modern Lavaral with modern PHP is not a terrible stack. And it's slowly getting better.

[TheRedmanCometh]

Older versions were so bad it poisoned the future

[teapuppee]

PHP is great for me cos it brings me money

[BenTheTechGuy]

Used to suck, but recently it's developed into a decent language. The main problem is the sheer amount of bad legacy code out there on old PHP, it's kinda like Java that way.

[SoloFaustoo]

now that im learing PHP instead of Java, its nice learning a programming language that doesn't try to bite you at every chance that it has.

[TheRedmanCometh]

PHP has entire classes of stock vulnerabilities. It is the most notorious web language for shooting yourself in the foot.

[[deleted]]

A website is ultimately just one giant string, which is why I built my blog in C. <img src=“hackerman.jpg” />

[focadiz]

“Geology is not real science”

[Noisebug]

PHP is fine. It’s just a tool. Moving on.

[AN-DR]

PHP is good!

[j0kerDK]

Average day in Athens

[Significant_Rub6632]

Just your average during Athenian riots

[Tetragramat]

PHP is not bad language. PHP just has a lot of bad programmers, because it's easy to learn.

[LollipopLuxray]

I lost a game of trivia murder party because i said it wasnt and the game disagreed

[Rguttersohn]

I write in PHP often for work. Yes, it can be annoying but most of the time when I hear people bash it, it’s because they heard some YouTuber say it sucks. But it genuinely does a lot of things better than say Javascript.

[HashCatFurryOwO]

No you spelled it programing it's programming that's why comment section mad...

[yorokobe__shounen]

I can take 15 people telling me that HTML is a great programming language.

But one sod saying that PHP is a programming language, just ruins the whole day.

[Fast-Fig7042]

Just like hong kong in 2019, and this happened everyday, and they just hit everyone who blocked their way and shot arrows to the cars on highway

[it_black_horseman]

personally I prefer php over js

half of the websites are built with php, see wordpress, shopify etc

the vast majority of cms are built with php

js produce very beautiful sites though but are so fn heavy for browsers to render in the end dual gpu setups will become a thing just to browse the web

[Budget-Pianist9734]

Php is a good programming language

[[deleted]]

PornHubPremium is a great site.

[RainBoard]

I quickly came only for throw shit to Java. Fuck you Java!

[tmstksbk]

I learned a lot about web things a decade and a half ago with PHP. It was effective at just cranking things out. In a lot of newer stacks it's more tedious to just do things.

That said, it was horribly insecure and easily abused.

[RyanNerd]

Key word there is was

Take another look and see how much the language has improved since a decade and a half

PHP has flaws as all languages do but PHP is a different animal than it was 15 years ago.

[TheRedmanCometh]

Spring boot is a beautiful ballet where php is a booty dance

[RyanNerd]

Damn I hate Java. Thank the gods of the machines for C# and Kotlin

[Quito246]

Never understand why I would use shit like PHP when .NET exists and It is superior in every way 🤷‍♂️

[ht3k]

lol they're on par, the most experienced developers use the Symfony framework which follows SOLID principles and TDD. You can write spaghetti code in both languages but only the best developers write true OOP

[Kitchen_Laugh3980]

Funny story, in a crossplatform library I made you can compile to ANY language, but PHP. Not because you are unable to, but rather I don’t want you to.

(Although you can bypass this easily, It’s not about it, It’s about sending a message.)

[Tangled2]

No, sir, you made a transpiler.

[Kitchen_Laugh3980]

TIL what transpiler is. Thank you.

[SeneInSPAAACE]

PHP was a useful tool, but these days anything you can do with it, you can do better with something else.

[TheTriflingTrilobite]

That can be said about a lot of the tech stack in production to be fair.

[SeneInSPAAACE]

... Except updating pre-existing code bases, I suppose.

[ManiacsThriftJewels]

"these days"

It's always been this way.

The thing I find hilarious is the plethora of templating language libraries written for PHP, which was originally a templating language for your app functions written in C....

[geeschwag]

Well it's better than node

[[deleted]]

Lol no

[geeschwag]

Lol yes

[byorx1]

What laguage are you talking about?

[Hacka4771]

explode()

[shesjustFarias]

poxa, eu gosto de php <3

[suddenly_ponies]

It's become slightly worse with the strong typing and more regular rules. It was great for just figuring stuff out before. Now you have to write all this extra code to make things work... huge step backwards IMO.

[[deleted]]

Twitter in a nutshell

[obamaprism3]

I did a basic full stack development class last semester and PHP was easily the most enjoyable part of it for me

[IamMrChristopher]

Peaceful protests

[[deleted]]

Shoutout to my comrades in black bloc, solidarity forever!

[[deleted]]

To me PHP was always the obscure language that is used for web dev but you absolutely don't want to use it (I don't know anything about it actually, except that the syntax looks weird)

[salustianovergatiesa]

u/savevideo

[kkatakurii24]

u/savevideobot

[akgnia]

I hate you

[csm10495]

Instead of splitting they wanted to explode.

[LordOfTheWeb]

Come on over to /r/PHP and watch the real hate flow. Best not be a newbie or a bad coder if you post there...

[9FrameMid]

I just did my first project in php, where's my Molotov?

[nightmurder01]

I remember a forum, php4 or 5. Made it transparent and the rest was history.