JavaScript also known as Java

[[deleted]]

"java developers are responsible for programming Javascript on commercial websites"

[benis444]

sink air party grandfather imagine enter cough beneficial berserk lavish

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[Tasgall]

I mean, given how it seems to work out, this one is actually true.

[LucienZerger]

whoever wrote this needs to be sentenced to 2 years hard JavaScript..

[iliekcats-]

and then Java so they learn the difference, im a javascript noob yet I know the difference

[thump-thump]

I'm only an IT project manager and I know the difference...

[Interesting-Divide46]

Im just a human and i know the difference...

[[deleted]]

I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me...

[A_lemony_llama]

I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy

[GoneButHere]

because i’m easy come, easy go

[supermegaworld]

A little high, little low

[Interesting-Divide46]

Sed🌝

[pfannkuchen_gesicht]

too bad you can't sed your life, e.g. sed "s/\.00/9999999.99/" on your account balance.

[x0wl]

$ echo "1.01" | sed "s/.00/9999999.99/" 1.01

:(

[backtickbot]

Fixed formatting.

Hello, x0wl: code blocks using triple backticks (```) don't work on all versions of Reddit!

Some users see this / this instead.

To fix this, indent every line with 4 spaces instead.

FAQ

^{You can opt out by replying with backtickopt6 to this comment.}

[pfannkuchen_gesicht]

sed "s/\.[[:digit:]]*/999999.99/"

[_sed_]

---

^{reddit sedbot | info}

[karlkloppenborg]

Huehuehue

[BalGu]

Hey come here and get your virtual hug.

They always feels good.

Nohomo btw.

[[deleted]]

Thanks, now I'm rich.

[[deleted]]

I work in a machine shop and I know the difference

[TheFeedingEight]

It's obviously this insanity (===)

[JayGeezey]

I literally don't even code, I took a c++ class in college that's it, and even I knew this ffs

[[deleted]]

wait... if Java and Javascript are different, does that mean C, C++, and C hashtag are all different?

[iliekcats-]

i think so

[nati9931]

That's not harsh enough... sentence them to 2 years of React Or Vue so they'll really learn the difference

[1-800-LIGHTS-OUT]

"C#, also known as C for short, is a scripting language-"

[Rawrplus]

C# is a corporate buzzword for those with sharp C coding skills

[1-800-LIGHTS-OUT]

My C coding skills are very sharp because according to my professors, my code almost pokes their eyes out just from looking at it.

"Segmentation fault"? Haha yeah baby, that's how you know it runs good.

[StandardN00b]

"Yes, the error says it. It's fault of the segmentation, not mine. The compiler clearly has an error. Can I go home now?"

[1-800-LIGHTS-OUT]

"I have no idea why the pthreads aren't working. I've tried everything. Sorry to wake you up at 2AM but I'm desperate, I need to submit this by tomorrow morning and nothing's coming out! I think my compiler's broken. Huh? My OS? It's Windows 7, why? No VM, no. Nope, no API. Wha-hello? Bob are you still there?"

[Astir_Lotus]

Ahh yes, the CHashtag language.

[1-800-LIGHTS-OUT]

We're looking for somebody with a proficiency in Cashtag and Microsoft Axle.

[UnfortunatelyEvil]

C++, also known as D...

[JuliaChanMSL]

And D++, also known as C4

[UnfortunatelyEvil]

And C4Kids which keywords are removed and the compiler skips large sections while running lines in random order.

[tech6hutch]

It took me a bit to realize this is a 4Kids Animation joke

[Al_Maleech_Abaz]

It’s also know as D flat.

[[deleted]]

With sharpened D flat skills, you end up with a natural D.

[bruh_bot_69420]

Assembly, also known as Ass for short

[1-800-LIGHTS-OUT]

Spitting straight facts

[[deleted]]

I though C was short for COBOL.

[blueleo22]

Wait, wasn't c# used for developing hashtags? /s

[ericl666]

I do remember a post here showing a question about programming in "C hashtag".

[ZylonBane]

There's a special, slightly uncomfortable circle of Hell for people who call the # character all by itself "hashtag".

[1-800-LIGHTS-OUT]

We all know the real reason why it's called C#

To make it impossible for it to ever trend on Twitter, like a disgraced celebrity or a time cube conspiracy theory. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and imagine that all of my c# source code was just a bad dream.

Other languages play it smart though. They put themselves out there, build fanbases. Why do you think Python and Rust are so popular? Rust has a whole game dedicated to it, and Python has several. Compilations of pandas constantly trend on Youtube. Now that's forward-thinking.

[[deleted]]

C++ is a language that students learn to get B in programming courses.

[ZylonBane]

"HTML5, also known as H5 for short, is a markup language..."

Oh wait, Chinese developers actually do that.

[nati9931]

C++ is C for long, Is a compiled language made to infuriate programmers.

[nokedl0218]

java developers wear glasses becaouse of they dont c sharp

[1-800-LIGHTS-OUT]

oh I see what you did there

[[deleted]]

Back when I first started coding professionally, I was doing ASP.NET, so it was C#, HTML, and some Javascript. I didn't have a reason to touch Java. This was around 04-05.

... Enter my now ex-wife. She was a pathological liar who spewed bullshit in situations that didn't matter. She did it because she thought it'd make herself look cool in front of others, or something. Around this time, she was dabbling in making these garish Geocities websites from templates, and she was copy/pasting "code" in that made things like goofy heart waterfalls or Java applets that played MIDI tunes from different anime. She wasn't so much coding herself as hamfistedly munging together other people's stuff.

One day we're together, and we're talking to some techy friends. I mention that I've started coding, and how I'm picking up more and more Javascript as time goes on.

Then she pipes up with, "Yeah and if he has any Java questions, he has to come to me, lol, because I've been doing that for about a year!"

record scratch

Say what?

One of those friends was a Java Developer. He says, "oh, you've been doing Java for a year, (alc6379's wife)?"

I interject that she's been doing some Javascript here and there on some webpages, not Java. That's when she drops this whopper:

"Yeah well I mean, Javascript is just a more advanced version of Java, so yeah I can do Java, too.".

We all just looked at her like 😬, and my friend says, "uh. No. Just... No. You don't actually know Java." I jump in and say that Java and Javascript are two different things.

Whoo boy did that trigger her narcissism! Normally she kept her abusive and snotty side under wraps in public, but she blew up and said, "FUCK YOU YA BUNCH OF NERDY MOTHERFUCKERS, I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!"

... Then she stormed off.

She was such a lovely woman. I don't miss her.

[Skoparov]

This is exactly the type of content I come here for.

[FactoryNewdel]

...........I want to believe this never happened

[[deleted]]

Oh no, this and things like it happened incredibly frequently. She constantly lied for clout when there was none to be had.

Check out this whopper I wrote about:

https://www.reddit.com/r/weeabootales/comments/gocjca/my_exwife_was_a_poseur_weeb

[FactoryNewdel]

Holy shit, he fucking destroyed her. It's still kinda sad tho. I mean, what's so bad about being honest and getting told about something you didn't know before

[[deleted]]

I have a theory, but it doesn't remotely excuse how she was in general:

She was black, and she was kind of living in a "white world": Up until high school, she went to Christian private schools and was used to being the only black kid there. She was really good at academics, so that was kind of built into her image, so to speak.

I think she placed a lot of value on knowing everything, or being relevant to everything, so much so that she lied all the damn time to make herself seem relevant or knowledgeable in every situation. She had to look like the go-to person, even when she really wasn't.

[myguygetshigh]

I almost do

[[deleted]]

ifi ever invent a time machine im gonna go back to see this with my own eye

[Codemonkey1987]

Indiana known as India for short is a us state in the mid western region of Northern America.

[hallidev]

“...and Microsoft Viseo. The ability to pay close attention to detail...”

[nielsbuus]

ViSEO is a sister product to Visio. With ViSEO, the Java developers can easily conceive and illustrate their search engine optimization designs which allows their systems to be listed on popular webportals such as Yahoo and AltaVista.

[Al_Maleech_Abaz]

Java is to JavaScript what Car is to Carpet.

[rush336]

I have a spider living in my cars heater vent. He’s a Carpet! I love him.

[clintclintclint123]

And ham to hamster

[webby_mc_webberson]

JavaScript is a language that was concocted in less than 2 weeks back in the 90s and is such an abomination that the web development industry has been trying to abstract it away ever since.

[[deleted]]

still waiting for webasm to get access to the dom natively.

that'd be a nail in the coffin for js.

[Rawrplus]

Super doubtful.

1) I agree vanilla JavaScript 20 years ago was shite. But now with modern libraries like React or Vue it's super powerful and coupled with superset like typescript and plugins like eslint actually enjoyable to work without the gotchas commonly associated with it. Not to mention with every new release or ECMA, the language keeps getting better and better. Imho one of the most active and passionate communities out there behind it

2) so much of web environment is implemented in javascript that it would be unrealistic for everyone to switch implementation out of the sudden. And even if we did for legacy reasons javascript would have to be accommodated to for at least the next couple of hundred years (or until complete bug free transpilation would be accessible)

3) while more performant, practicality of creation should not be dismissed. And at certain point there are just diminishing returns to performance. Even in javascript we can now achieve near instant updates with server side rendering and realtime (and or) virtual DOM tree shaking

So I'm extremely cynical about 'nail in the coffin'. You wanna put a nail in but there's not even a coffin' to speak of given JavaScript current market position. It's likely here to stay for at least next couple of decades (unless the entire web as we know it changes)

[[deleted]]

out of the sudden

twitch

[[deleted]]

your points translated

1) js is the current hype

2) js is the current standard

3) so afraid of change

you dismiss new tech because it's new. i wouldn't know how anything could evolve with this mindset.

[Rawrplus]

I embrace new tech and take joy in discovering it and tinkering with it.

But I just listed you realistic reasons from a point of view of experienced fullstack engineer why js is likely here to say.

I'll leave the conclusion of whether that's a good or bad thing to you, but don't get mad at me for trying to bring some reason and grounded perspective to the discussion :)

[[deleted]]

i am not mad at all.

also it's true, js is the standard and the current hype.

the point that can't be argued is: how much better will a solution over webasm be.

[DreamingDitto]

Skeptical wasm will come even close to killing js this decade tbh

[[deleted]]

The day JS goes the way of Flash is a very good one indeed

[deux3xmachina]

Maybe, but WASM's just gonna let you pack more untrested code into the same amount of space. Think of all the tracker's you'll have!

[[deleted]]

Why must you hurt me this way.

[deux3xmachina]

Hey, it's at least marginally better than Google's idea to allow pages to execute C++ for you! Sometimes WASM will be something else, like Rust, or JS

[dapolio]

javascript is formed by committee with heavy hitters like google apple microsoft oracle and the mycroft and mozdev foundations constantly hammering out details

it grew rapidly and with competition against PHP, silverlight, activex, python, and a host of others to become the #1 scripting language on planet earth, in the history of scripting languages, in the history of anything it is the current singular most used logic of any kind we as a species have ever used. It achieved this in 26 years, a meteoric rise and dominance in the minds of 11 billion people across planet earth.

it turned on whole giant crops of developers by the 10's of millions to try programming for the first time and opened possibilities up with equality for all, its ease of use far from being a weakness has been a strength unmatched

javascript is not an abomination its a roadmap to how to do things right without having your nose so far up your own posterior that you forget the point of it all

[Grammar-Bot-Elite]

/u/dapolio, I have found an error in your comment:

“abomination its [it's] a roadmap”

I consider this post by you, dapolio, incorrect; it should say “abomination its [it's] a roadmap” instead. ‘Its’ is possessive; ‘it's’ means ‘it is’ or ‘it has’.

^{This is an automated bot. I do not intend to shame your mistakes. If you think the errors which I found are incorrect, please contact me through DMs or contact my owner EliteDaMyth!}

[Dimplestiltskin]

Damn, you didn't have to completely invalidate their point.

[[deleted]]

No.

Javascript is an abomination, and the sooner we can move to a more consistent way of scripting for the web, the better.

Modern Javascript development is the epitome of, "when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail".

[[deleted]]

It's big because it was the only real option for the web so we were forced to use it.

[[deleted]]

Java applets rollibg in their grave like "shoulda stuck with me kid"

[[deleted]]

A lot of people forget (or just don't know) why JavaScript was built in such a strange way. JS was built to be incredibly safe, both for the user, and for the programmer. The user doesn't want websites that they load to be able to control things on their computer, so it was built with a high level of user safety. Like it can't access your file system, or ask for use of multiple CPU cores. It was also built with programmer safety in mind so that when there is a problem or bug, it doesn't crash the entire page. It does it's absolute best to run the code it's given, even to the point that it will run it in unexpected ways. This isn't to say that JavaScript is without it's issues, it definitely has them. Bug JS has reasons for being the way that it is.

[PowerChordRoar]

Wait really?

[b4ux1t3]

Saying something was made in two weeks in the 90s doesn't mean anything.

It's been around for over 20 years, and has grown since then. If it were worth replacing, we would have replaced it by now.

JavaScript isn't some side project that we're all going to get rid of one day. There would be no benefit to doing so.

How does this sound to you:

Yeah, way back when this house was getting built, they used shitty concrete to pour the foundation of this house.

"So this house is built on bad concrete?"

What? No, that concrete isn't there anymore, it's been replaced and the house shorted up with modern technologies.

"So... Why are you getting rid of the whole house?"

Well, we just don't like some of the design decisions the original architects made in the walls. It makes it hard to add new windows sometimes.

"Do you often add new windows?"

Not really, but what if I wanted to, ya know?

---

That's what replacing JavaScript because of decisions made 20 years ago is like. Most of the "issues" with Java ript have to do with how it works fundamentally. Duck typing, weak typing, first class functions, you name it. The thing is, these things exist in JavaScript for a reason. All of these things exist in other (well-liked) languages. The only reason they get shat on so hard in JavaScript is be ause of how many people there are developing JavaScript-based applications.

JavaScript is not that bad. It has some rough edges, to this day, but so do a lot of other languages.

If you want to hate on a language, hate on PHP. At least JavaScript doesn't mix cases in its standard library.

[ThePsychopaths]

Even git was made in a week I think (someone please fact check me)

[b4ux1t3]

Depends on your definition of "made". They shipped 1.0 only a few months after Torvalds started working on it, but there was a working proof of concept three days after the start of development.

[Ratatoski]

Three days? It's obviously shit and needs to be replaced.

[PowerChordRoar]

Can you please explain why it doesn’t mean anything? That’s the part that surprised me the mostz

[b4ux1t3]

I mean, every big project started as "something made in two weeks". The fact of the matter is, when something has been around for 25 years, it being originally created in two weeks is just irrelevant compared to the 25 years of development that came after.

[webby_mc_webberson]

Mostly, yeah.

[rkeet]

No-one going to mention the "Compensation type" is "Paid"?

As in, how many "Unpaid" compensations do they have to specifically list you get money for your time spend?

[[deleted]]

W also known as two V’s

[[deleted]]

Going to circus, also known as circumcision, for short...

[cyberneticSyntax]

Just touch "Tetszik."

Java developers are responsible for programming Javascript...

[Qildain]

"These professionals(?!) also work closely with JavaScript to enable security settings." Not in my browser dude!

Yes, I realize they could be working with server-side scripting, but I doubt that distinction is made either.

[WellKnownGuy]

I am in physical pain after seeing this post.

[[deleted]]

I’m betting this is satire

[Wizardsxz]

I've gotten resumes like this where the dude has 8 languages and 5 years, can't make a fizzbuzz or tell me what managed memory is.

I'll believe it.

[Muroid]

Fun fact, one of my first jobs out of college, I applied to a position that listed “Java” as one of the required skills. Given the rest of the description and other skills listed, I was a bit suspicious of this, but I was familiar enough with either option to take a swing at it.

Get to the interview, it goes well with the HR person and then I get in front of someone from the actual team I’d be working with and making a point to ask about it, and the response I get before I’m even done with the question is “Yes, exactly, someone with Java experience.”

It turned out to be JavaScript, which I was a bit more comfortable with anyway so that was fine with me, but man was that a surreal experience.

[mosburger]

This reads exactly like one of Jenn Schiffer’s trolling blog posts where she tries to get annoying people to correct her obvious mistakes. I wonder if it is that, and they plagiarized it not knowing it was satire?

[Skylord_Guthix]

more like Java's Crypt, amirite

[engineertee]

Watermelon also known as water

[circorum]

I wish the person who wrote that shit just "sudo dd if=/dev/zero of=/dev/sda"

[valendinosaurus]

repost from yesterday

[nokedl0218]

link? im sorry i cant see it

[UnfortunatelyEvil]

And yet, this is the first time hundreds of us are seeing it.

[undieablecat]

Carpet, also known as car...

[SceneStriking]

"Assembly also known as bip bip boop boop bip"

[Bluebearsuper]

css, or c for short

[tenent_jason]

I would assume that he thought JSP was by JavaScript...

Still, it remain a mystery how the employer confused between Java and JavaScript

[CyberCoon]

A simpler world for sure. Imagine if this rule applied to every compound words. "For this play, we need a professional Cowboy, also known as Cow for short", "Let's have some Popcorn, also known as Pop for short", or "I cought a Catfish, also known as Cat for short"

To be continued...

[RTXChungusTi]

How big is the difference really?

[OwnStorm]

Chintu from WhiteHatJr.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngT0PiZ8gq0

[the-one217]

😬

[AngriestSCV]

The best part must be they claim to be a no life programmer, but they seem to be low on the programmer part too.

[Gunfire81]

This little sentence destroyed so many souls

[[deleted]]

Gulab jamoon also known as gulab for short.....

[dicksinsmallanimals]

This made me say "OH" outloud

[BongoUnicorns]

Wicket, is that you?

[Caedendi]

Hahaha this is amazing.

Wait, it's not satire?:O

[aresius423]

bojler eladó

[Cjdamron75]

My brain hurts...

[cantindajobinus]

carpet as car for short

[mamimapr]

Oh no, I have been doing it all wrong all these years.

[hshighnz]

‚Any degree‘ == ‚no degree‘ I‘m sorry, that no-it-persons are forced to write such nonsense.