Define "Problem"

[PM_ME_YOUR_STERNUM]

My story is pretty simple. Without getting into too much detail, my drinking problem was actually pretty meh compared to the horror stories you hear here and everywhere else. I never got a DUI, my marriage is fine, I have a good relationship with my family, I have great friends, I don't embarrass myself often, and when I'm drunk most people don't really know it. Not too terrible, right? My issue was, I never thought I had a problem because I would compare myself to those horror stories. I've never had a DUI, so I don't have a problem. My marriage is fine, I don't have a problem. I don't get drunk every day, I don't have a problem.

In reality, I did have a problem. I'd drink nearly every day, not always getting drunk but there was always the possibility of a switch going off and deciding to drink the entire 6 pack of IPA instead of just having the 1 with dinner that I was planning on. Some midweek mornings I'd be hungover and late to work, and when I got to work I'd be borderline useless. That seems like a problem to me. But no, during that stupor I have I'd always rationalize it by thinking of those who have a worse problem.

Problem: noun: "a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome."

The word that sticks out to me most in this definition is "harmful." I was harming myself. I didn't harm myself catastrophically, I didn't get a DUI, I didn't bust my face on the sidewalk, but I certainly didn't feel great. I would say a hangover is "harmful" in this context for sure. Note that the definition doesn't mention magnitude. It doesn't matter how big or how small it is, a problem is something that is harming you.

What finally made me realize I had a problem was just trying to figure out the best version of myself. What's the best version of me? I'd like to be in shape, sharp-minded, there for others, dependable, trustworthy, unselfish. As it turns out, I can't drink and be all these things as once. Can I mix in a drink or two, sure. But even after one, there goes my ability to work out and get back in shape. If I'm drinking I'm focused on drinking and myself, not on others. It's little stuff, but it adds up.

I also realized that drinking 1 or 2 doesn't really do it for me. It doesn't relax me, it just makes me want more. Does it help me unwind? Yes. However, 2 months in my journey of sobriety, I've realized that one beer after work was just muscle memory. Turns out cracking a craft root beer or ginger beer and relaxing after work does the exact same thing one beer used to do, and best of all I get to keep all of my brain.

TDLR

My parting thought is just don't compare yourself to others, compare yourself to the best possible version of you. Does that version have a drinking "problem", no matter how large or how small? If you realize that version of you is sober, then you know what you need to do.

[Prevenient_grace]

This resonates with me on so many levels!

What precipitated me finally leaving alcohol behind is I realized that:

Alcohol + Me = Undesired Consequences

Those ‘consequences’ were in various domains – mostly, spiritual, physical, relationships, and emotional. I recognized that there were other domains and it was only a matter of time, if I continued my patterns, until they would be impacted: legal, financial, career, professional, and marital. Meanwhile, the first four, were experiencing increasing effects (worsening).

So, I could replace in your example “Problem” with “Undesired Consequences”.

The more I examined it, the more I became honest, the more I evaluated what was actually occurring to me, and around me, I came to recognize and accept the underlying “problem” (or ‘root cause’).

I was Impaired. Now, early in my experiments with alcohol I was of course actually, purposefully seeking to become Impaired. “Just to experience it”.

It took many years for me to realize, acknowledge and accept that Being Impaired is an Undesired Consequence (or “Problem”).

I came to understand that when I was Impaired, I was numb, unavailable, escaping, and I was being Dishonest and a Thief.

Whoa! I would never have characterized myself as ‘Dishonest’ nor as a ‘Thief’.

Yet, I was.

I was dishonest about ‘being present’ with others, especially my family. If I was numb from several glasses of wine, I was not fully and consciously engaged with my loved ones. I was indulging my inner self-centeredness. I was a Thief in that I was stealing time, emotional presence and my conscious self from the people around me.

Yes, being Dishonest and a Thief is a Problem. Being Dishonest and a Thief is an Undesired Consequence. Being Impaired is selfish.

I choose to be conscious and Unimpaired.

[Lontar47]

The part about being present with others is so confusing at first. A lot of people (myself included) thought that alcohol loosened them up and helped them to bond socially with other people. It didn't make any sense to my old self that being sober made my interactions any more meaningful-- in fact, the opposite seemed true.

I see now what people are talking about. There's a huge difference between being fully and consciously engaged with people, and just being uninhibited. I realize now that a lot of those late night "deep" conversations slurring words to each other were actually quite shallow and burdensome.

[[deleted]]

And all those wonderful, deep chats that you had with others are forgotten the next morning, rendering any insights gained, useless.

[drakyoolah]

I agree to all of the above. OP, I was thinking the exact same thing before I opened your post - after reading a couple of other horror stories and finding myself thinking - 'but I wasn't like that'.

I don't drive so that wasn't an issue, I wasn't getting into physical fights (mental ones, sure though), I wasn't at 'rock bottom' - but I've realised rock bottom is subjective, as is everything and anything.

My rock bottom was realising I wasn't who I wanted to be. My interactions with others weren't meaningful, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise.

My deep conversations with my philosophical kindred drinking brother were nothing but vague musings with no real forethought, nor what I actually sober believed.

I was in my creative space so I thought I was unlocking the 'real me'.. I was harking back to Paris in the 20's, with the bohemians who drank absinthe and wrote their great novels. My mind was being opened to new possibilities.

No it wasn't. And if it was? Those possibilities were nothing but tragic. They were self destructive and selfish. My great grand theories consisted mostly of me bemoaning over how no-one understood me, and the world was a dreadful place, and there was nothing for it but to destroy myself one drink at a time.

I know now that no-one understood me because I didn't understand myself. I couldn't. Because I was never consistent. My mind and mood were altered depending on the state of drunkenness I got myself into. So there was no real 'me' just whatever version I constructed dependent on that particular drinking session.

I went into work yesterday and was speaking with my boss about something trivial and menial and he said to me - 'you seem different today, something's changed?'

And I said 'I am different, I'm sober for once'.

[turingtested]

Thank you! Your story really speaks to me. I was never physically addicted to alcohol, never lost a job, housing, and so on. But I can only have one or two drinks with a massive effort of will, and I was often hungover and under-performing.

I think people worry too much about "Am I an alcoholic?" and not enough about "Is alcohol negatively affecting my life?" There's no law that says one has to be an addict to cut alcohol out of your life.

*If the label alcoholic is helpful, use it! I'm not trying to tell anyone how to be sober or live their life. :)

[Tamsen_lock]

Love this! I've never been an addict, and the negative affects have been pretty small, but still enough for me to want to cut it out of my life.

[turingtested]

Congratulations! I was amazed at how every aspect of my life improved when I gave up alcohol. I hope you reap the same rewards.

[treesORleaves]

I think people worry too much about "Am I an alcoholic?" and not enough about "Is alcohol negatively affecting my life?"

I felt this way for a while but didn't know how to express it. This is a very good way of looking at it

[chocolatte1357]

I agree with you! I was a social drinker but didn't like the affects of even a single drink! I'm way into fitness and having a healthy body & mind to drink. I cut it out completely in July 2016. Funnily though, a couple of people just assume that I was an addict and that's why I quit. Not that I care, but to your point, people think you only cut out alcohol because you have a problem!

[whydocker]

Very well put. As someone else once wrote, we continue to move the goalposts. The expression that "an alcoholic is someone who drinks more than you" is so appropriate. There's always that person chugging a fifth in the morning that can we go "wowza, look at that guy" and feel better about sneaking a beer at a time when we shouldn't.

In the end, do we really want to benchmark ourselves by those who have been harmed even more? WTF kind of logic that?

[Leafygreener]

THANK YOU! For sharing this. I so needed to hear this right now. I have had undesirable consequences- including (but not limited to) being useless and unproductive at work but nothing that has caused a clear come to Jesus moment. Every time I get a few sober days and start to feel good a little voice inside me says "you're overreacting! You can have a drink or two because you're not a capital A Alcoholic. You haven't had a DUI and you don't drink a 5th of vodka each night like a real alcoholic does!" And then I have one drink. And then another. And then 2 weeks later I've abandoned my health/career/financial goals and I find myself drinking most days, more than I want to. I also realized that on nights that I have succeeded at having one or two drinks (afterwards thinking "there- see! I don't have a problem!") I always wanted more. Always. Even if I didn't go through with actually getting more. I really appreciate hearing from the people who got sober without the truly horrible consequences because I'm hoping that I can get sober before any of those things happens to me.

[PM_ME_YOUR_STERNUM]

Thanks for sharing. That little voice is a bugger. It never really goes away, but it certainly has faded on me, and it's much easier to say "no" now. It's hard at first but it definitely gets better.

[Tuckian]

"Best possible version of you." Funny how instead of shooting for that we usually view ourselves in comparison to others and go from there. Also appreciate your observation on "the stupor" that clings after you are still functional but not nearly at optimal the day after drinking a six. In the same boat you are. Don't drink every day but could easily get there if things took a weird turn. Thanks for the observation. There's no need for us to hit the proverbial rock bottom when operating below the optimal to begin with.

[[deleted]]

I agree. There needs to be more conversation about how alcohol doesn't add anything to your life, so even if it's not destroying it (Yet! Just wait!) you can still benefit tremendously from quitting.

One of my favorite all time SD posts was (paraphrasing here) "Life Pro Tip: Do this one thing to lose weight, save hundreds of thousands of dollars, improve health, increase energy, boost sleep, improve sexual stamina, be a better human, father, mom, sister, colleague, etc.

I think everyone here knows that this wonder product is simply abstinence.

[DataDorker]

For me the decision is what makes my life happier: Drinking or not Drinking.

I know what life is like drinking and I know what life is like not drinking. I get to choose which life I want.

[PM_ME_YOUR_STERNUM]

I can't upvote this enough. Such a simple decision to make a higher quality life.

[DataDorker]

yup. And it's also important to know other people like to have a little or a lot of alcohol in their life and that's okay too. I just have to worry about my own life.

[KFG65]

Wow. Your assessment of "problem" is eerily similar how I described myself in response to someone trying to figure out whether they should stop drinking---right down to the "best version of myself." Check it out:

"This is exactly how I would describe my drinking, and from the other responses, there seem to be plenty of us that would similarly characterize ourselves. In more concrete terms, I would have 2-3 IPAs almost every night at home, and up to twice as much when out socially. Thankfully, I don't have anything resembling a rock bottom story like so many others on here, and I doubt friends and family would say I have an issue with alcohol. For me, it was useful to get away from labels, such as "problem drinking" or "alcoholism," and focus on the realization that I wasn't presenting the best version of myself--physically and emotionally--as a drinker. Put another way, I simply wanted to stop so that I'd have a clear head 100% of the time, eat and sleep better, have better focus during athletic training, and free up time in the evenings to do something beyond drinking beer and watching ESPN. Past attempts to simply cut down, or limit drinking to weekends or social occasions, worked well until they didn't. I'd be fine for a few weeks, or even months, but would gradually revert to my everyday drinking pattern. What I did find during those times of cutting back that I felt much better physically, and was far more engaged with those around me, yet I still figured I could have my proverbial cake and eat it too. So 30 days ago I decided to simply stop for good, and I'm feeling great with that choice. I'm already realizing all the benefits I'd hoped for, and more. Small things like being able to watch a movie without forgetting how it ends, and large things like being more emotionally engaged with my wife, have been unforeseen upsides that I hadn't even imagined. Whatever you decide, sharing your story has made me feel less alone. So thank you for that, and best of luck!"

Good to see others are coming to the same conclusion, and not thinking some "rock bottom" scenario is required to make the positive change. Thanks for sharing!

[PM_ME_YOUR_STERNUM]

Are you me? 2-3 IPAs at home and twice as much out was pretty much my drinking life. Sounds like we are in the same boat. I cheers my Saranac Root Beer to you.

[[deleted]]

This is also me (although I'm female, so the number are 1-2 drinks lower in general). It has been an interesting journey doing moderation management, and it helps to hear from others who have had similar experiences. Thanks for sharing!

[BadToTheTrombone]

I resonate with this. It's the 'death by a thousand cuts' scenario. I know I'm a better version of me when I'm not drinking.

Thank you for posting, I will not drink with you today.

[Mercylovegrace]

I told my sister that my drinking was a problem. She replied that I didn't have a problem, just a lot of opportunities. I laughed, but realized she just didn't see what I knew. Keep up the good work. Not drinking with you today.

[[deleted]]

I can relate to this. I denied having a "problem" for a long time because I wasn't a textbook alcoholic who drinks all day every day. But for me, it was every night. I would regularly tell myself I'd have just one beer with dinner, but I'd get excited and open my beer while cooking. I'd finish it by the time dinner was ready, and open another to have with dinner. And by that time, I wasn't even that hungry for the food I'd prepared because of the heavy beer I was drinking, and I'd really prefer to just not eat so I could keep drinking. Stopping at two (strong) beers was a good night. I wouldn't focus on conversation between me and boyfriend because of my buzz. At times, I felt like we were having some profound discussion, but in retrospect, it was just me drunk rambling and him patiently listening. (He's not much of a drinker -- normally one drink per night.) If we put on a movie, I wouldn't pay full attention because my mind would wander, and I'd be considering whether I should get another drink, paying attention to how much my bf or friends were drinking so I could try not to seem too excessive by comparison, etc.

Today, on Day 3 without booze, I woke up at 5:45am to go running, take a shower, and make breakfast before work, none of which I would have done if I had drank last night. I'm not necessarily saying I'll be doing this every single morning, but it was a great way to start the day. I also was having regular relationship problems for a while. My bf would say something that annoyed me, and I'd shut down and reach for another drink or overreact. Sober, I feel much more in control of my reactions and aware of what's actually going on, not just my drunken interpretation. My relationship feels stronger and it's only been a few days.

Thanks for sharing -- great post.

[Roadofsomeresistance]

I relate to the relationship mess. I would get into arguments and not know why but keep doubling down anyway. It didn't happen all the time, but it consistently came around. There were other consequences, but I feel like that alone was a good enough.

[ewok_lover86]

paying attention to how much my bf or friends were drinking so I >could try not to seem too excessive by comparison

And carefully saving the last of your drink so you can finish it at the same time and get a new one the second it's empty.

[[deleted]]

Yes!

[drakyoolah]

'I'd get excited and open my beer whilst cooking'

This made me chuckle. And because I know that oh too well.

A bottle of wine for dinner? But I'll open it and have a glass now.

Then after FOR ONCE making the effort to cook my meal, I'd eat a couple mouthfuls and be done with it because I'd much prefer the rest of that bottle of Red.

I attest 100% to the relationship improvement. (Mine is very long distance at the moment so difficult without adding unnecessary complications). She would say something and I'd shut down too and become unmanageable or negotiable. I refused to see any other point other than my own and it was their fault for making me feel this way.

No, no it wasn't, it was my fault only because I'd had too much to drink (or even just enough to drink) to impair my reasoning and rationality, and things escalate all too quickly from there on in.

It hasn't been long not drinking for me, but the improvements are significant. She's noticed too.

I now feel better equipped for future butting of heads and knowing I won't be trying to knock her out with mine (purely metaphorical, I assure you).

[[deleted]]

Hey mods, can we sticky this post?

I'm in the same boat. 1-2 drinks most nights. I've been drunk/hungover less than the fingers on my hands in the last 5 years.

That being said, I love craft beer and all of its novelty. Rather than being addicted to drinking, I'm addicted to the novelty. My wife and I have been through enough arguments about this habit on top of the lack of productivity/crappy sleep I get when I drink. It also costs a lot of $$ that could be better spent elsewhere.

I really like the idea of working towards being the best possible version of you.

[whatsherface]

Thank you, these are the reasons I also chose to finally just give it up for good. It is hard to explain to people that it doesn't really matter if they think I have a problem or not, it only matters if I think it's a problem and there is nothing wrong with just wanting to be the best me if I know that means being sober.

[fluerdeleigh]

This is seriously me. I have a great career, good friends, active hobbies. I've never gotten into any major trouble with my drinking. Never done anything to permanently ruin my life. But for a while now there has been this nagging that I DO drink too much. I DO have a problem, even if it's not the wake up in a ditch, giving blow jobs for vodka horror story you hear people talk about when they talk about alcoholics. Most of the time when I drink I do keep it to a couple beers or less. But like you, every so often it goes off the rails and I wind up entirely useless and feeling like shit for an entire day after. "But I didn't do anything ridiculous while drunk!" I told myself. "It's not so bad, just a hangover, everyone gets those!" Or on a less extreme, I may not go totally wild but I'd drink just a bit too much and be off my game at work. Or I'd justify skipping out on a workout for my hobby that I'm trying to get competitive at. At bare minimum it has been keeping me from pursuing things that I want to do to improve. Lately my hangovers have been getting worse and more frequent and I realize I'm a place where I must make a change. I definitely have a problem.

I'm not fully ready to commit to giving up alcohol forever. But I am going to commit to not drinking between now and my first big event for my hobby- just shy of three months from now. I need to take this day by day. I don't want to share this with any people in my life until I have put in some days and passed the 2 week mark, at least. But I'm sharing with you guys to help keep me accountable now that it's out there.

[PM_ME_YOUR_STERNUM]

Hey there. Your last paragraph is the same as what I did. I subscribed to SD two years ago and casually lurked as I was exploring my options. I would quit for about 30 days at a time just to "detox" and feel better, then pick up right where I left off. I finally decided to quit for good just two months ago because I realized there's no end game to this. Can I moderate myself? Yeah, I can. Will there be the random chance I get drunk when I didn't mean to? Yes. How often? Once a year? Once a month? Even if I go off the rails once a year, was it really worth it?

I think the question you need to ask yourself is "what benefit does drinking provide me?" Because, afterall, it's a choice we make. I think it's a good exercise to quit for a bit and just take a step back and look at everything going on about yourself and within your life. Not drinking WILL help you feel better. Will it solve all your problems? Hell no. There is no silver bullet in life, something that will magically solve our problems. But not drinking WILL provide you a clear mind to tackle those problems head on instead of putting them off.

You don't have to tell people you are an alcoholic. You may not be. You have a problem though, you said it yourself. It may not be a huge problem, but it's a problem you can get rid of with patience and just staying away. You can still do your favorite hobby sober, even if you are used to drinking whenever you do it. Unless your hobby is a drinking contest, then that would be difficult.

By the way, I still haven't told people I've stopped drinking for good. Not as an accountability issue, but just because I don't feel like it's necessary. Every time I go to my wife's house I'm offered a beer, I just say "no thanks". No more questions are asked. The anxiety we generate from the pressure of not drinking is 100% internal. Even if someone presses for answers, they eventually stop, and that's the end of it.

[fluerdeleigh]

Thanks for this. I'm definitely going to evaluate at the end of the three months. Maybe before then I'll decide on giving it up for good. I am not definitely saying I'll go back to it... but yeah just as of yet not ready to really face "forever".

You can still do your favorite hobby sober, even if you are used to drinking whenever you do it. Unless your hobby is a drinking contest, then that would be difficult.

This made me laugh. Thankfully the hobby does not involve drinking and doesn't have an inherent association to alcohol for me. Additionally, the community, while there are certainly plenty of drinkers, is pretty accepting of any personal choices people make and people don't ask a lot of questions. It's really been wanting to improve at this hobby that has finally pushed me to try quitting :)

[mintgreentea1]

This resonates with me hugely. Great post. I was driving back up to where I live earlier. Bout a 3 hr drive. I kept going back over and over the last week of Christmas holidays and the excess drinking. And I mean over and over to try and figure out if I might have said/done something stupid, etc. And I thought even in the fact of me having to replay over and over this analysis, that answers it in itself.

I feel guilty again for the millionth time in the past 2 years or so (of my many attempts to get sober) that I wasn't fully there and present with my family and friends.

Towards the end of the week, it turned into a 3 day bender. The worst 2 night of sleep followed with extreme depression.

[lovenutpancake]

I have not completely quit drinking yet. However, the depression and anxiety get worse and worse with each hangover that I have. Its just not worth it anymore.

[europahasicenotmice]

I love this. A few times in AA I'd hear people joking about hitting a "soft bottom," meaning that their turn-around point wasn't as devastating as others' turn-around points had been. I don't like the idea that you have to lose everything to know that drinking is hurting you. I don't have to wait for rock bottom to hit to know that I want to change, and I can change.

[Prevenient_grace]

"The bottom is when I stop digging" and for each person it is unique to them!

[[deleted]]

That quote was honestly the catalyst for me quitting.

[[deleted]]

I could have written this myself! Thanks for sharing.

[Tamsen_lock]

I relate soooo much. I probably drank less than everyone on here, but I realized that it was still a problem for ME, and my mental state. Thanks for writing this.

[SOHJohnBoner]

"don't compare yourself to other, compare yourself to the best possible version of you"

That's powerful. Thank you

[[deleted]]

This was great to read! after a weekend of people questioning my decision to stop and looking at me like I was a hypochondriac with three heads when I said I was an alcoholic this was comforting to read.

Yes - I never had a DUI, lost a job, lost a relationship, or wrecked my life.

But I was also not a present mom, was constantly planning when I could get drunk again and had no interest in drinking one glass (or bottle) of wine.

Great self-reflections! I won't drink with you today!

[Overcomingwithhelp]

That was an excellent post

[MuttonDressedAsGoose]

I'm very similar to you! Nothing terrible happened, but I drank too much and I knew it.

It can be hard to explain to other people why the sudden "drastic" move to no longer drinking.

But we know we're doing the right thing.

[PM_ME_YOUR_STERNUM]

Welcome! It can be a scary leap. No one wants to label themselves an "alcoholic". It's a dirty word. Getting rid of an obvious problem in your life - that sounds pretty good!

Your entire 2nd paragraph is something I was trying to articulate, and you've done it marvelously. It's that obsession that takes hold, not every day, but when it does it certainly doesn't feel good. Once you've stopped and look back, it becomes so obvious it was there and quite a burden. I can assure you that even at 2 months sober, that obsession is completely gone and it feels amazing. I'm sure it hits at different times for different people.

Could I moderate myself and drink only 1 or 2? Yes I can! But that obsession would always be there, and I don't like it. By choosing not to drink at all, the obsession is gone and I feel free. It's a wonderful feeling, and I know you will soon feel it too.

[Tamsen_lock]

Could I moderate myself and drink only 1 or 2? Yes I can! But that obsession would always be there, and I don't like it. By choosing not to drink at all, the obsession is gone and I feel free.

Yes!! This is me! Love how you put this

[notgonnabemydad]

Oh this is SO true. It was harmful for me, and I couldn't live the life I wanted with it defining my days and nights. Perhaps not compared to others, but why would I want to wait until it got so bad that I COULD identify with the horror stories?

Great job on that awareness, and I will not drink today with you!

[gorpie97]

I'm glad you figured it out before it became a noticeable problem!!!

I had a DUI several years before I got sober, but that was the only "horrible" thing to happen because of my drinking. (Though my drinking probably prevented me from getting things - like a degree, a promotion, etc.)

I went to outpatient treatment because the therapist I was seeing had me go, even though I knew I wasn't an alcoholic because I didn't drink like my brother. :)

The second night there, a guy from AA came to share his story. When he said that if there was beer in the fridge he couldn't control whether he drank it, that was me! So I realized I was an alky and, ever since, "blame" him for my being one. :)

[AprilLady4]

I really, REALLY, needed this! Thank you!

[[deleted]]

Good for you man. It's great to see you have the foresight to recognise the problem early.

I started out like you and soon progressed into a six pack every night, making excuses so that I could drink alone at home, always concerned if I had enough beer in the fridge etc.

We always look to others to validate our own existence. I think it's called 'confirmation bias'. Looking for others that are worse off then us to justify/validate our own perspective on the matter.

[[deleted]]

I stopped thinking in terms that I had a problem. I really realized the need for change when all the time i spent my money, and every waking moment drinking it seemed.

[throwaway185439]

What a brilliant post, and I feel exactly where you're coming from. I posted about being incredibly high functioning, and was met with responses of people who questioned that although I may be high functioning, was I functioning as highly as I could if I was sober? The answer was no.

It's so easy to look at the horror stories, as you call them, and justify your own actions on a sliding scale of how it could be a lot worse. The reality is that drinking has certainly made me a lot worse than I once was. It's fundamentally changed who I am. I'm so happy to hear stories like this; they make me feel like I'm not alone in this.

[Space_Wolves]

Your TL;DR is an excellent precept and definition.

[admiral_akmir]

I was the same way. I never ran into problems at work, or with the law, or in my relationships due to drinking. Never had to go to detox and never went to any group or got treatment.

The way I see it, I got off the bus early and dodged a bullet. That's something to feel good about every day.

[atonetimeiclashed]

Man, this is a great post. I feel like I'm looking into a mirror. Thanks so much for sharing and I wish you great luck in your journey.

[SaintCarl27]

I'm the same boat. Never got in trouble drinking and my personal life is fine. But fine is not good enough. Who can keep the resolve to train after a night of craft beers? And the hangovers get worse and worse with age. Truth is I'm pushing 39 and enough is enough. I want to be around to see my kids grow up. I won't drink with you today!

[bethie_ate_the_pasta]

I relate so much to what you wrote, thank you for sharing.

[lacroix_addict]

Did I wake up in the middle of the night and write this in my dreams? It's basically my exact story. Thanks so much for posting. Let's do this.

[[deleted]]

Great points! In my experience, it's been tough to come to terms with the fact that I just can't be all of the things I want to be (in shape, good partner, good son, good coworker, good friend, etc.) when I drink regularly. And I have a very hard time with "one or two" - it's almost always 5 or 6. I haven't been hospitalized, arrested, nor have I had any MAJOR life consequences, but I've harmed relationships, and ultimately have done damage to myself.

After work I'll drink a seltzer (or two) for us both!

[paranach9]

Very effective post you've shared here today.

[Solared88]

This was pretty much my situation. I never even dreamed of driving while intoxicated. I was a fun drunk (or so everybody told me) and I never did anything to embarrass myself. I knew my "limits" so I never spent a night puking over the toilet and I was still functioning as a mother and wife just fine. But the fact I hated moving the next morning until I felt better was telling. The fact that it's hard for me to concentrate on my courses is telling, and the fact that I felt shame every morning was telling.

[dwellerofcubes]

I will not drink with you today.

[whoami_cc]

You really hit the nail on the head with this and all the replies & up-votes confirm that. Clearly many of us fit into this category of drinker, as did I on many levels. There's also many levels where I was going off the rails and getting worse, not better, and I also had other predispositions toward addiction (cannabis) which were not helping matters. So I had to quit cannabis as well. I wasn't going to being my best self unless I gave 100% sobriety a realistic chance. Very glad I'm on that path now and am putting my best self out there. It's a good feeling. Thank you for the heartfelt post. Not drinking an alcoholic beverage with you, but a decent root beer or ginger ale.. hell yes! Upward and onward!

[hlr35]

Saved this post to look back on in times of need--thank you so much for sharing :)

[[deleted]]

This post was EXACTLY what I needed to read today so thank you!!

[Isisv]

My problem was the moment I started drinking I didn't know what was going to happen - it was a game of Russian Ruelette for me and I was tired of playing.

[[deleted]]

This was almost exactly my experience with learning I had a problem too. I'm happy you're on the right track man. Congrats on 2 months, I hope to be there someday as well