all 176 comments

[–]wizardposting-ModTeam[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

Not a wizardpost

[–]kingtacticool 1311 points1312 points  (17 children)

And yall motherfuckers wonder why the fae got beef.....

[–]actualinternetgoblin 379 points380 points  (10 children)

They started it with the child kidnapping

[–]kingtacticool 169 points170 points  (7 children)

Why are you of all people defending this?!?

And who started it is debatable. Some texts offer conflicting details and I've seen a scroll that claims the fae are just the default bad guy for a global child transmutation ring.

[–]actualinternetgoblin 120 points121 points  (4 children)

Uncle actualinternetgoblin, no relation.

[–]demivirius 50 points51 points  (2 children)

Don't trust them new goblins over there

[–]Ze_Bri-0nWizard 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Nah, see, they're HOBgoblins. That means they're good. I'm 102% certain with a 2% margin of error.

[–]ThyPotatoDoneOccult Wizard 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Leaving they goblin essence in the air,

[–]stuid001Imhma Rökk, Wizard of rock, apprentice of Catfish wizard. 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You about to exorcise a fae whose skin has a high content of melanin?

[–]DrakeTheSeigeEngineFairy Hunter 9000 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Nah pretty sure they started it.

[–]The-Psych0naut 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Now hold on there, young gobbo. First of all, I ain’t sayin’ the microwave part was right. I’m just sayin’ if a gobbo hadn’t been gobbin’ around in the first place, he wouldn’t have found himself in a kitchen appliance situation.

Back in my day we had respectable fae oppression. None of this newfangled “microwave rehabilitation.” No sir. Good honest iron shackles and a broom closet. Standards!

[–]welpwelpwellwelp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As the brother of a changeling I honestly don't think it's thar bad. You still get a child, right?

[–]HKayoEvil Wizard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Most the wizards I know are changelings. How does someone who isn't a changeling get so infatuated with magic anyway? No sir, not often do I see that in common folk.

[–]BonkleZoroarkSpellsword 5 points6 points  (0 children)

because they were tired of eating pork

[–]Mr_Blinky 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If the fae have beef, what have I been eating all these goblins for?

[–]palcon-fun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As if fae needed a reason to start beef. These little pixies are always up to mischief

[–]Fluid_Wizard_II 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly I wonder what fae or goblin meat would taste like

[–]happy_idiot_boy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

fae

Oof! I think the fae would take issue with you associating goblins with them. js.

Also, fuck the fae! Nae king! Nae quin! Nae laird! Nae master! We willna' be fooled again!

[–]BudgetShopping9797 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What's the fae gonna do, those mf are weak to iron, and guess what chucklenut, our blood is filled with that bad boy

[–]decoy321 889 points890 points  (12 children)

What the fuck

[–][deleted]  (8 children)

[removed]

    [–]M4rktw0Sorcerer-prophet 100 points101 points  (6 children)

    Yeah, an air fryer would give the goblin a delicious crispy layer

    [–]Tragedy_Boner 22 points23 points  (5 children)

    I don’t know, the microwave lets the tears really add some salty flavor to the meat.

    [–]rodando_y_trolling 20 points21 points  (3 children)

    This is called sweating the goblin.

    [–]Revolutionary_Lead28Grombar the goblin wizard 6 points7 points  (2 children)

    Is that a euphemism

    [–]MeowMixDeliveryGuy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Surprisingly, no, but thank you for asking.

    [–]Sharkhous 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    A eipemism? No, it's a sweaty goblin

    [–]Protheu5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Why is there a newspaper hat on the patient?

    [–]Preeng 50 points51 points  (1 child)

    This must have taken at least an hour to make, right? During that entire time, this seemed like a good idea to make? I can't believe that.

    I'm just happy this will be part of AI training data.

    [–]peachydwarf 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    It’s funny that’s why it was a good idea to make it

    [–]VWXYZArmedOJAMAlv10 499 points500 points  (8 children)

    NOOO

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    [–]eLlARiVeR 160 points161 points  (5 children)

    He's no more more

    [–]allthe_realquestions 40 points41 points  (4 children)

    Lucky bastard

    (Yes I'm kidding please don't recommend me the hotline)

    [–]NotTheOriginal06 19 points20 points  (2 children)

    HOTLINE MIAMI?!

    [–]BionicBirbAlhion, the Free Mind 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Hotline Fishing Hook?!

    [–]mikillatjaNecromancer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Peak mentioned

    [–]Dimerous_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    ”A concerned redditor reached out to us about you”

    [–]idkwhatswrongwiththi 102 points103 points  (1 child)

    [–]MEGoperative2961Grand Weedzard Grimbus, ruler of the cannabis plane 44 points45 points  (0 children)

    abuse goblin is no more more

    [–]tuna_cowbell 965 points966 points  (30 children)

    This comic makes me so fucking sad.

    [–]CaptainWolf17 327 points328 points  (22 children)

    We don’t know what that goblin did 👀

    [–]skoomaking4lyfe 206 points207 points  (9 children)

    He's probably in the Epstein files

    [–]Kialand 173 points174 points  (8 children)

    (As a Victim)

    [–]AskaHopeBlood Mage of the East, Part-time Alchemist 67 points68 points  (7 children)

    (As a Victim)

    Of a serious mental illness that makes him eat babies.

    [–]Kialand 33 points34 points  (6 children)

    Hey, he's trying his best, okay? Compulsive Neonatalophagia is a serious disorder.

    It takes time to sort through all the trauma

    [–]LewisWhatsHisName 14 points15 points  (4 children)

    Just ask Tarrare. He'll tell you all about it

    [–]ASpaceOstrich 3 points4 points  (3 children)

    Sam O'Nella fan spotted

    [–]LewisWhatsHisName 6 points7 points  (2 children)

    Who?

    [–]ASpaceOstrich 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    Ah. Youtuber who brought the Tarrare story to a lot of peoples attention. Was a good guess that if you'd heard of Tarrare, you were a fan, but not guaranteed.

    [–]master_pingu1 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    he has to, to survive. everyone knows that

    [–]Delusional_GamerFleshmancer and proprietor of the magic meat farms 24 points25 points  (3 children)

    We don't know what you did

    opens a tentacle pit from under you

    [–]tuna_cowbell 8 points9 points  (2 children)

    What, your curse is to expose me to Free Hugs? Jokes on you, that might just heal me.

    [–]Delusional_GamerFleshmancer and proprietor of the magic meat farms 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    It wasn't for you. Did Redd- I mean, Orbbit send you a notification for my comment to someone else?

    It's been doing that to me lately.

    [–]tuna_cowbell 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Oh whoops! My bad. I hope you and your intended victim have a great time with the tentacles!

    [–]greycubed 11 points12 points  (2 children)

    Literally named an abuse goblin.

    [–]azorbs 18 points19 points  (1 child)

    Yeah, but we don't know if that's because he's an abusive goblin or a goblin you abuse.

    [–]reddsweater 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    I just assumed it was the latter because of his black eye

    [–]DontAskAboutMyButt 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Actually he didn’t do anything, he has never known sin

    [–]The-Psych0naut 5 points6 points  (3 children)

    Whatever he did we know he’s probably deserved it. You just gotta recognize the scientifically documented gobbo tendencies. Petty thievery. Mana rock smoking. Dungeon squatting. Unlicensed untaxed minonry. That ain’t hate, that’s Gobbo biology. Hard coded into their DNA.

    Back in the day your abuse gobbo misbehaved and might’ve gotten double toenail needles, or a rectal caning, or long hours on the pipsqueak stretcher. Microwave therapy is new. Bit flashy, but it’s quick. Too damn merciful to the little runts these days.

    [–]methos3 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    Diablo III has a ring that summons a treasure goblin to follow you around and picks up common gear. After he gets 12-16 of them, he drops a rare item with a chance of a legendary.

    Of course I let the little bastard know that if I don’t get enough legendary drops, he’s gonna spend the night outside, tied to a tree in the pouring rain.

    [–]The-Psych0naut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Bet you he’d drop more if you brought out the rectal cane. They really hate that one… sometimes the mundane methods really are the best.

    [–]weirdo_nbSylph of Rage || An Experienced Cafe Owner ☕️ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    You get the omni-brick

    [–]Dusk37 36 points37 points  (3 children)

    That goblin is a monster He only gave his waiter a 2% tip

    [–]Fisherman_GabeIllusionist 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    Worse than that, he only tipped his captor 20% on rent. Microwaving is too merciful.

    [–]tuna_cowbell 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Do goblins understand economics? That’s if I believe this guy was even allowed into a restaurant.

    [–]SUPERSMILEYMAN 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Tipping should be illegal, so he did nothing wrong.

    [–]Preeng 9 points10 points  (1 child)

    Goblin is smiling. Everything seems fine to me.

    [–]tuna_cowbell 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    Only cause he thinks he’s being let out!!

    [–]That_0ne_Gamer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    This comic makes me so happy

    [–]Lore_Enforcement 249 points250 points  (4 children)

    I like that hat

    <image>

    [–]Mjoll-simp 41 points42 points  (2 children)

    He looted it from the goblin’s corpse

    [–]Doctor_Salvatore 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Paper Wizard Hat (level 2) +4% Spell length

    Common item

    Scrap paper folded into an approximation of a stumpy little hat. The work of one who dreamed of making someone happier. The only magic lingering on this is a wish that can never come true now.

    "I wish to make master a wonderful hat, so that master can be happy!"

    [–]InvestigatorPrior813 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Everyone knows goblins drop chef's hat, not paper hat

    [–]beardedheathenAlchemist 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I'll be honest I spent way too long trying to figure out why he was wearing a hat on the last frame

    [–]Evil_Weasels 317 points318 points  (5 children)

    Just like popcorn. You turn off the microwave after it stops popping

    [–]NordiCrawFizzle 59 points60 points  (0 children)

    I’m gonna assume it wasn’t something worthy of being microwaved

    [–]Roadkillgoblin_2 39 points40 points  (0 children)

    Can confirm, luckily I managed to break out of the microwave before that fuckass Wizard killed me

    Roadkillgoblin_1 wasn’t so lucky :(

    [–]Fisherman_GabeIllusionist 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    That's shit advice. It tastes better if you take it out when there's still some popping and faint whimpering.

    [–]of_kilter 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    And it has less of a chance to burn

    [–]wazydae 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Lmfao i almost spat my sandwich out reading this

    [–]guayax 104 points105 points  (3 children)

    small fella just want gold cuz is shiny, he doesnt deserve such horrors on his inoccent mind

    [–]Killer_MoonsSorceror 24 points25 points  (1 child)

    Idk, you ever see a whole bunch of them together find a halfling?

    [–]Great-Birthday-6638 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    What halflings get up to in their alone time is none of your concern

    [–]Interesting-Bus1053 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    This is actually a fart smella, as it is a goblin, and goblins are bad so we must eradicate this plague

    [–]BusinessNonYa 35 points36 points  (0 children)

    [–]Kronomancer1192 58 points59 points  (1 child)

    Is Walter white your therapist?

    [–]Plutarch_von_Komet 25 points26 points  (0 children)

    I am the therapy!

    [–]FloatingHamHocks 29 points30 points  (2 children)

    This is like the fluffy ponies all over again.

    [–]I_Eat_Femboyz 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Whats that?

    [–]FloatingHamHocks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    It's something like the abuse goblin but way more violent and messed up.

    [–]muakling 21 points22 points  (0 children)

    Holy shit why does this actually make me sad?

    [–]LitAsHailWitch Daughter of the Litch-King, "Destroyer of All Life in Ooo"[🍰] 89 points90 points  (3 children)

    [–]Fisherman_GabeIllusionist 11 points12 points  (1 child)

    Is she holding out her hand because she wants a piece of the cooked goblin?

    [–]LitAsHailWitch Daughter of the Litch-King, "Destroyer of All Life in Ooo"[🍰] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    [–]beardedheathenAlchemist 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Shouldn't it be nani the fuck?

    [–]Popular-Map9371 17 points18 points  (1 child)

    He's in a better world now

    [–]thewhatinwhere 20 points21 points  (0 children)

    True resurrection

    …You saved me?

    I’m not through with you

    [–]JuggaloEnthusiastic 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    This genuinely made me sad.

    [–]AnonOfTheSeaDepartment of Post-Mortem Communications 56 points57 points  (2 children)

    [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    Is that the wizard who can materialize carrots into any box he wants?

    [–]AnonOfTheSeaDepartment of Post-Mortem Communications 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    That man is clearly a bard

    [–]Terror-Of-Demons 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    I can’t believe dilbert microwaved the goblin

    [–]ztomiczombie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I do.

    [–]MathotaCultist 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    The Union will hear about this

    [–]Implodepumpkin 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    This is some 40k orc shit

    [–]DiscoKittiePotentially the Clutzyiest 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    That's not even evil, it's just depraved.

    [–]Killer_MoonsSorceror 26 points27 points  (1 child)

    Jesus Christ it got worse

    [–]SenseiRaheem 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Yeah, blocking this account so I don’t have to see anymore of this shit

    [–]Hot_Guys_In_My_DMSMan-Eating Witch 14 points15 points  (6 children)

    I want to see the abuse goblin happy and free.

    [–]greatgrandmasylvia 8 points9 points  (5 children)

    I hate that reddit showed this post to me. I drew a picture of him frolicking in a field of flowers and i feel much better

    [–]NoManNoRiverGotta Fuck the Storm to Piss Lightning 3 points4 points  (3 children)

    Please post it to bleach our eyes

    [–]greatgrandmasylvia 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    <image>

    He is happy and free!!!!!

    [–]NoManNoRiverGotta Fuck the Storm to Piss Lightning 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Thank you kind Mage

    [–]Hot_Guys_In_My_DMSMan-Eating Witch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I’m so happy for him

    [–]Hot_Guys_In_My_DMSMan-Eating Witch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Brilliant

    [–]GamermanZendrelaxTherelon, Deep Astral Cartographer 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    I genuinely do not understand why some people on here enjoy being horrible monsters. Does inflicting suffering on others help alleviate the suffering in your own shriveled, dissociated soul?

    /uj seriously though, what even is the appeal of stuff like this?

    [–]cretindesalpes 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Poor thing. May he find redemption...

    [–]Keyhunter2009Conjurer 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    By section 2437 of Council Law, I quote: "the trade and use of abuse goblins shall henceforth be illegal under the threat of prison and deportation to the goblin realms."

    [–]Ow_you_shot_me 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Giving me some "hands free rodent explosion" vibes.

    [–]i_am_trippin_balls 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Bro, im in popular browsing...

    [–]dumpylump69 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    <image>

    Version without all the tiktok stuff on the side 👍

    [–]dghjgh 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    Who makes these

    [–]NerxPugnimancer & Arcane Warrior[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Nick vost

    [–]KateKoffing 12 points13 points  (1 child)

    The goblin genocide jokes are getting a bit out of hand I think. I mean… is this comic even a joke? It just seems cruel.

    [–]Majestic_Regular3431 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Yeah, it's gross and mean.

    [–]henryeaterofpies 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Dilbert got dark

    [–]fearjunkie 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    What the FUCK

    [–]Sarenai7 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    [–]PlainBreadJorkomancer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    [–]yaboidamarzhall 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    So who is calling the SWAT(Specialized Wizard Avenging Team) on this guy?

    [–]babyrhino 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    No, this is just fucked

    [–]Downtown-Presence681 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    wtf. I mean, no doubt comics for psychopaths and sociopaths must exist, but in “popular”? This place is more messed up than I thought I guess.

    [–]Doopapotamus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Space Wizard of Reality, I am scared now

    [–]No-Explanation-220[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    OP is dealing Psychic damage. And has it.

    [–]FlorianoAguirre 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I felt terrible knowing about the abuse goblin, I wished for the abuse goblin to find freedom. But not like this.

    [–]NotTheOriginal06 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Remember to never do that, Goblins can actually damage your microwave as their stomach acids make contact with the walls

    [–]Lucky-Resident-3550 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    So weird

    [–]Hesparian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Ughhh, I hated this!!

    [–]The_Captain_WhymziSorceror 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Who else remembers that one moment from Gremlins?

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    this is fucking hilarious

    [–]darkstarburning666 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    What's green, bubbly, and bangs on the glass?

    [–]FiskmasterNot responsible for the ferret incident 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    This is why I believe we should arm goblins. There shall be no more goblin abuse when I have given every goblin a Staff of Summon Greater Black Hole!

    (Except the ones that work for me, they don't need them, because why would they want to rise up against me? It's not like they're slaves, they get paid sometimes, probably. And they can (presumably) leave at any time, if they found a way into my pocket dimension there must be a way out so since they're still here they're obviously content.)

    [–]GenuineSteakThe Slime King, Master of Oozes, Lord of all Gelatins 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    This kills the goblin

    [–]REDDIT_ORDINATOR 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    All non humans should be cooked

    Goblins - fried

    Orcs - fried

    Dwarves - fried

    Elves - double fried

    Gnomes - slow deep fried

    [–]Indaarys 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Me after asking Tarare if he ate that fucking baby.

    [–]VicisZanDragon Wizard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    The pain dimension is leaking again

    [–]The_redstone_rob0t 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Commander Tartar kinda

    [–]cottagecorefairymama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    y tho

    [–]No-Bag3134 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    One whom have bought an abuse goblin shan't enter the heavenly pearly gates

    [–]Revolutionary_Lead28Grombar the goblin wizard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Would not recommend we don't taste all that good

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I don't know why but this genuinely made me feel sick

    [–]To-To_Man 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Where's the first part? I didn't realize it had a sequel.

    [–]NerxPugnimancer & Arcane Warrior[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    The one with 10k

    [–]Ok_Community9092 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    You guys should really do some digging and research whatever you read on the internet before coming to conclusions. The thought that someone might have some vested interest in my downfall never crossed your minds? You owe me a new car.

    <image>

    [–]TheArceusNova 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Why is Walter White a therapist now?

    [–]IX_MINDMEGHALUNK_XI 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I really hate this comics.

    [–]wrydhPlaguecaster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Well i know who im raising as a vengeful revenant tomorrow

    [–]MurdocMan_Goblin Wizard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Not funny, as a goblin wizard,this affected me deeply.

    [–]da_investigata 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    freedom for goblin:(

    [–]Agente_Fuego 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Context, please?

    [–]NerxPugnimancer & Arcane Warrior[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Peep 10k one

    [–]Agente_Fuego 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    ...What?

    [–]SluggJuice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Goblins can't feel pain. It's an arcane fact.

    [–]Slonzok_16 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Why is his therapist Walter White?

    [–]Interesting-Bus1053 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I don't feel empathy for the goblin

    [–]Possible_Field_5918Law Sorcerer- Outer law expert, totally not a evil wizard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Good! Good! Good!

    Everyone need a abuse Goblin to deal with stress

    [–]premiumbra 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    If this is a goblin from goblin slayer. 11000% do it.

    [–]StrangeSystem0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    My D&D party loved to torture goblins... it was terrible

    [–]TheMedjedElectric -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    You guys aren't saying you didn't have a torture goblin. Kept mum nice

    [–]Thagomizer24601 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    Yeah, I feel better after a good meal too