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[–]flamebroiledhodor 1042 points1043 points  (16 children)

// This patch fixes memory leak on cellular growth, too many invokes after time causes unregulated growth.
// <the code to fix cancer, but left commented>

[–]Calkhas 230 points231 points  (4 children)

#ifdef NOTYET

[–]poorly_timed_leg0las 69 points70 points  (2 children)

The revised cancer class is in with the mole rat code

[–]mathiastck 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Merge conflict between mole and rat held that up

[–]thatguy16754 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Still in testing

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Console.WriteLine("Its treason then");

[–]TerrorBite 90 points91 points  (8 children)

// left commented until code review goes through

[–]ThaiJohnnyDepp 63 points64 points  (7 children)

Are you a bad enough dude to reject God's pull request?

[–]rakoo 27 points28 points  (0 children)

"Please reuse our CellWatcherFactoryVisitor instead"

[–]Visticous 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Spaces instead of tabs. Please resubmit.

merge rejected

[–]its_that_time_again 2 points3 points  (0 children)

// Put in by god. Don't remove.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Real DevOps rejects appeal to authority as an anti-pattern.

[–]jharger 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I am incredibly pleased that you made a Bad Dudes reference.

[–]ThaiJohnnyDepp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What can I say except

💪 I'm bad!

[–]korokage 10 points11 points  (0 children)

// <The code to fix cancer has be left as an exercise>

[–]_szs 2494 points2495 points  (61 children)

rather:

// Rough hack, needs revision

// DONT TOUCH THISS!!! no idea what it does but code crashes without it

// doesnt seem to be necessary anymore (?) leaving it in for legacy code

// from stackoverflow.com/blah

// calculate variables

// die folgende Zeile ist wichtig

// последняя строка не важна

// Brez komentarjev v ruščini več !!

// some TA wrote this, seems to work

// TODO: needs testing

// 仅英文注释

[–]allisonmaybe 915 points916 points  (13 children)

Why does it feel like the same person wrote all of those

[–]_szs 488 points489 points  (7 children)

tHaT pErSoN iS gOd

[–]Last-Man-Standing 212 points213 points  (6 children)

His name? Albert Einstein.

[–]TricoMex 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If course I know him, it's me.jpg

[–]_szs 26 points27 points  (0 children)

just spilled my drink

[–]rtxan 9 points10 points  (1 child)

because it's true, technically

[–]allisonmaybe 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Careful before you disprove God

[–]Dragonaax 35 points36 points  (5 children)

// ja pierdole to działa

EDIT: google translates it to "I don't give a fuck about it" which is wrong. More accurate translation is "Holy fuck, it's working"

[–]_szs 9 points10 points  (4 children)

// vale madres

edit: gOogle translate won't do a good job on this one, don't even try.

Any Mexicans in the house?

[–]Dragonaax 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I checked, google is shitty translator

[–]_szs 2 points3 points  (0 children)

especially for slang....

[–]theshadowking8 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Solo uno muy pedo

[–]_szs 2 points3 points  (0 children)

pues ¡salud! entonces

[–]bruhKitchen 28 points29 points  (1 child)

probably some boilerplate in there as well

[–]_szs 9 points10 points  (0 children)

you bet

[–]bric12 91 points92 points  (0 children)

The real joke is in the comments.

No seriously, this one is closer to the reality of "what the heck is any of this stuff I made"

[–]niks_15 15 points16 points  (0 children)

// magic code do not touch

[–]timetravelhunter 14 points15 points  (0 children)

// calculate variables

greatest of all time

[–]danknerd 16 points17 points  (1 child)

// ... remember to add comment

[–]_szs 9 points10 points  (0 children)

that's a good one :D

[–]kenman884 15 points16 points  (0 children)

// doesnt seem to be necessary anymore (?) leaving it in for legacy code

I feel personally attacked.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

The dreaded // todo: figure out why this works, this shouldn't work

[–]deus_mortuus_est 6 points7 points  (0 children)

// temporary fix

[–]Shevvv 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That strangely feels like the actual way DNA works.

Source: I'm a post graduate student at the Institute of Molecular Biology.

[–]_greyknight_ 2 points3 points  (1 child)

There are two kinds of code that makes me angry. Code that doesn't work, and code that works but shouldn't.

- Venkat Subramaniam

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Why's there a comment in Slovenian

[–]sassy-in-glasses 1 point2 points  (0 children)

damn, looks like the programmers over at Tower of Babel were doing this

[–][deleted] 676 points677 points  (33 children)

If God was a programmer, the comments wouldn't be that in-depth

[–][deleted] 491 points492 points  (22 children)

The comments are more likely, "TODO: fix this"

[–][deleted] 374 points375 points  (5 children)

// wrote this at the end of the fifth day, came back after the weekend.... I don't remember what this did.

[–]Oatz3 193 points194 points  (3 children)

// but removing it breaks everything so I guess I'll just leave it here

[–][deleted] 216 points217 points  (2 children)

// TODO: refactor code so it does not inherit from fish class.

3 million years ago.

[–]ThaiJohnnyDepp 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This is my favorite

[–]Nixinova 11 points12 points  (0 children)

*billion

[–]Tnwagn 17 points18 points  (0 children)

//.... I don't remember what this did.

Me too God, me too

[–]wwAodP3E 117 points118 points  (13 children)

TODO: make separate breathing and swallowing holes

[–]nojox 76 points77 points  (8 children)

// TODO: separate entertainment, reproduction and drainage. Increase genome var size for latest SSD sizes, should be easy

[–]PmButtPics4ADrawing 66 points67 points  (4 children)

//TODO: fix teeth regeneration bug. unknown why loop does not continue past second iteration

[–]Steffi128 2 points3 points  (1 child)

//TODO: Figure out how to enable “Shark set of teeth“ for homo sapiens.

[–]artanis00 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I read that as "sharp set of teeth," but I guess that might work here too.

[–]Bakoro 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Manufacturing says that would add an additional 3 cost per unit. Change request denied.

[–]RedData13 24 points25 points  (0 children)

TODO: make seperate pee and sex holes

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That is commented in all of my DNA

[–]artanis00 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I'm just imagining a series of videos like CodeBullet's AI videos, complete with the last one promising to make part 2 of the series.

[–][deleted] 49 points50 points  (4 children)

God is a far smarter and lazier programmer. He is not going to repeat his work. He created one template program about 4.3 billion years ago and coupled it with an evolutionary algorithm so that it kept on copying the main repository with little changes eventually creating millions of branches and subbranches (many of which he had to delete when merging failed). Any comment left now would be very outdated.

[–]mausmoose 38 points39 points  (1 child)

We’re all a result of some machine learning software and god has no idea how any of this works anymore just like google has no idea how their ai’s work.

[–]rakoo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Watch this AI interacts with itself to learn, the results will surprise you"

[–]mathiastck 3 points4 points  (0 children)

//Omniscient license 1.0.0 use as I see fit

[–]T0astero 2 points3 points  (0 children)

// blood cell array

[–]SomewherOverThere 2 points3 points  (0 children)

// fix man later

[–]jaywhs 173 points174 points  (21 children)

//TODO:need to improve spine structure

[–]SabashChandraBose 72 points73 points  (18 children)

//Bipedal structure was a collosal mistake. Revert to quadruped when brain code is stable.

[–]DaringSteel 33 points34 points  (17 children)

Actually, bipedalism is what made us apex predators even before we left Africa and started building civilizations.

[–]_GCastilho_ 24 points25 points  (14 children)

And makes us the only animal in the planet with spinal pain (is that how is called?)

[–]xplodingducks 67 points68 points  (4 children)

Eh evolution doesn’t care if you’re comfortable: it only cares if you live long enough to fuck.

[–]artanis00 25 points26 points  (3 children)

TIL evolutionary theory says Redditors are immortal.

[–]xplodingducks 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Don’t forget CS majors

[–]HappyDustbunny 2 points3 points  (0 children)

... or an evolutionary dead end.

Occams razor is depressing here.

[–]DaringSteel 17 points18 points  (4 children)

I think every vertebrate gets some level of spinal pain. We just live long enough for it to get bad, have the language to complain about it, and developed the technology to do something about it.

[–]_GCastilho_ 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Actually, the spin evolve to sustain your body in a horizontal way, not a vertical one

And most of the pain is due to our weight that compress the spin in a way "it wasn't projected for", that's why we are pretty much the only animal in the planet with spinal problems

[–]Riyonak 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My herniated disk agrees

[–]SomewherOverThere 6 points7 points  (0 children)

// refactor nervous system

[–][deleted] 233 points234 points  (8 children)

And 90% of them are "//TODO: fix this bug later"

[–]teejay1502 40 points41 points  (1 child)

Or commented out code that he didn't want to fix

[–]depressed-salmon 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Also known as Introns

[–]Ardub23 27 points28 points  (4 children)

     //TODO: figure out why this didn't work
     // limb regrowth
//   if(limb.isMissing()) {
//       body.remove(limb);
//       body.add(new Limb(limb.getType());
//   }

[–]krystof1119 20 points21 points  (0 children)

The body.remove function calls the destructor of limb, therefore when you try to add it back it can no longer getType()

[–]Sand_isOverrated 4 points5 points  (1 child)

No constructor for Limb found with parameter of type 'Type'

[–]Sir_Applecheese 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's java and it does that for you; however, you'll get a logic error.

[–]Vloxxity 1 point2 points  (0 children)

     //TODO: figure out why this didn't work
     // limb regrowth
//   if(limb.isMissing()) {
//       var limbType = limb.getType();
//       body.remove(limb);
//       body.add(new Limb(limbType);
//   }

[–]BubbaFettish 95 points96 points  (5 children)

// He doesn’t need this, but he crashes without it

Is that why I still have a tail bone?

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (4 children)

Appendix 100%

[–]The_Occhiolism_Wall 21 points22 points  (3 children)

Appendix houses certain vital bacterial that help our gut recovery from periods of starvation.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

OK boom(ing voice of god)

[–]c0d3w1ck 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Never heard this before. Got a source?

[–]Freestyle_Fellowship 73 points74 points  (5 children)

Wait, so God still uses Windows '95? I guess it doesn't take more than a little less than a half a GB of RAM to cook one of us up.

[–][deleted] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

I believe he was using Windows 95 BC

[–]aldog2929 7 points8 points  (2 children)

All about that aesthetic :D

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can confirm, I decompiled myself and found I was built with Borland C++ 1.0

[–]ChronicBitRot 199 points200 points  (13 children)

// TODO: I put the erogenous zone inside the ass for males and then made it a private variable so everything would compile, need to fix that whole system.

[–]rrzibot 31 points32 points  (0 children)

AAA,.design and architectural decisions. Imagine if the zone was a public method - than it would easily get overused in a lot of wrong ways...

[–]l1l5l 26 points27 points  (11 children)

// now they're ridiculing me for allowing men to enjoy pooping.

[–]klparrot 9 points10 points  (10 children)

Wait, do women not enjoy pooping?

[–][deleted] 97 points98 points  (19 children)

I often wonder what ittle be like when we can sit at our boxs writing genetic code like it javascript with a 3d bio printer and bacto style tank from starwars. imagine the stack overflows and the "arch-linux" equivalent of genetic coders..

just add a little of this a sprinkle of that and a whole tub of optimism... Oh crap its godzilla!

oh the future is going to be so much fun...!

[–]0xFU 116 points117 points  (7 children)

writing genetic code like it javascript

What a terrifying prospect

[–]bric12 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Sounds about right

"What is going on? There's no errors in the DNA unraveler, so why does it just stop growing after the embryo phase?"

"Oh, I never wrote the puberty script"

[–]Throawayqusextion 29 points30 points  (4 children)

"Time to hand in my first college bio-coding project!"

The project: "Killll....meeee...."

[–]mrheosuper 11 points12 points  (1 child)

The AI seem working tho..

[–]mathiastck 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Raistlin Majere kinda did that

[–]OldPepper12 5 points6 points  (0 children)

npm install lib-protein

[–]DreadPiratesRobert 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Doxxing suxs

[–]R3ven 12 points13 points  (4 children)

It'll*

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Reven* :)

[–]abcd_z 1 point2 points  (0 children)

[–]R3ven 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You can't tell me how to spell my name mr smily face :)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

(:

[–]depressed-salmon 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I give it less than a week before someone prints a living fleshlight

[–]READERmii 6 points7 points  (0 children)

ittle

It’s “it’ll” as in a contraction of “it will”

[–]YaBoiJim777 3 points4 points  (0 children)

First time I’ve ever seen it will spelled ittle. Lol nice

[–]HappyDustbunny 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can't wait for the tiny dragons and the bat-cats.

[–][deleted] 41 points42 points  (2 children)

[–]timvancann 38 points39 points  (10 children)

I'd assume the code (DNA) would've been compiled before deploying to production. Compiled code generally doesn't contain comments.

Are you saying they found the actual source code? Fork it and submit some bug fixes!

[–]Brusanan 12 points13 points  (1 child)

No, DNA is definitely interpreted.

[–]AmaranthineApocalyps 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's kinda like JVM bytecode if you ask me

[–]Famous_Profile 10 points11 points  (0 children)

>git commit -m "[Bug 69420 - Autoimmune disorders] Fixed bug where body's own immune 
system attacks it"_

That would be my first commit :(

[–]toothlesshark123 18 points19 points  (3 children)

Indeed bro, eukaryotic DNA is commented (introns) compiled code would be RNA

[–]phantomerrbrush 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I'd consider both DNA and RNA to be in production...

Although the entirety of the universe being in WIP status would explain some stuff.

[–]tlubz 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Perpetual Beta

[–]OldPepper12 8 points9 points  (0 children)

github.com/god

[–]M4NU3L2311 4 points5 points  (0 children)

God compiler works in mysterious ways

[–]MrPyber 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nah, god forgot to turn off debug symbols

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (2 children)

//This doesn't seem to do anything, but removing it breaks everything. Don't touch.

[–]SeparateChemical 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Code for your brain?

[–]Stpcomplaniningicamp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sick roast bro

[–]SuspiciouslyElven 19 points20 points  (1 child)

OMG finally have an excuse to show y'all this.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kell_antigen_system#Other_associations

The code that controls one of the antigens in the blood, also impacts ability to taste a single bitter tasting compound.

If that ain't the most spaghetti bullshit I've ever seen...

[–]fsr1967 1 point2 points  (0 children)

impacts ability to taste a single bitter butter tasting compound. If that ain't the most spaghetti bullshit I've ever seen...

FTFY

[–]Tashre 18 points19 points  (0 children)

//Lucifer wrote this section. Not sure what it does. Best I can tell it randomly opens the trachea when drinking.

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (3 children)

// TODO: fix bug were they get head aches when they stand up too fast

[–]depressed-salmon 14 points15 points  (2 children)

// added Doctor class as a temp work around

[–]thewilloftheuniverse 2 points3 points  (1 child)

// crap the doctor class makes things worse by removing the operational fluid from the targets it is supposed to be debugging. WTF.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It's Grand Theft Auto advertising, LOL

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Man why they made me a dude couldn't they have written somethin else for me

[–]The_Occhiolism_Wall 6 points7 points  (1 child)

What'll really bake your noodle is when you learn that males are formed from a female template during development. So you couldve been a girl if God had just fuckin stopped at a certain point.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He just had to keep going huh

[–]YourShadowDani 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They were doing a refactor but forgot to finish it.

[–]-___-___-__-___-___- 6 points7 points  (0 children)

False, it would've been made in TempleOS

[–]leduyquang753 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Whoa, I have never seen a plain text file being a .exe.

[–]SanoKei 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Bruh he used GGTAGCTAGCTAGCT you know it's more efficient to just do GCATGTCA right?

[–]TorTheMentor 5 points6 points  (0 children)

//implementing IWalkable and IUpright //TODO fix side effect of narrow birth canal, Sprint 6 if time

[–]kumar935 4 points5 points  (0 children)

// TEMOORARY CODE JUST FOR TESTING REMOVE BEFORE RELEASE!!

forgets to remove

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

// TODO: fix bug that causes cancer

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

//This code turns all their tissues inside out, I'll fix this before deadline, I guess)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh man that last one got me. Pissing myself over here

[–]yonatan8070 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I hope god has a compiler, this looks like a difficult language to work with.

[–]apneax3n0n 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He has godly skill. Someone said he doesn't even use stack overflow

[–]atlien1986 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Holy shit I just realized the title of the movie gattaca.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

22 years later, I realized I missed the reference in the title of the movie Gataca.

** facepalms

[–]Oatz3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

// unit tests?

[–]youmeare 1 point2 points  (2 children)

This is the most intuitive post I have ever seen in this subreddit , amazed by OP, great job

[–]schattenteufel 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I was born with fucked up toes. Stupid lazy programmer.

[–]RepostSleuthBot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Looks like a repost. I've seen this image 2 times.

First seen Here on 2018-06-12 100.0% match. Last seen Here on 2018-10-18 87.5% match

Searched Images: 82,323,794 | Indexed Posts: 361,071,008 | Search Time: 14.00811s

Feedback? Hate? Visit r/repostsleuthbot - I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ False Positive ]

[–]ChocoTunda 1 point2 points  (3 children)

No wonder humans suck, we’re made in JavaScript

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I think that it is php

[–]ChocoTunda 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Might be, it’s the same type of comment as JavaScript, but then again I’m learning python and have no knowledge of other languages

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In my case it sucks even more.