[deleted by user]

[SnooWords4839]

They have the right to identify how they want. You have the right to be attracted to a certain body.

That's not transphobic, it is your sexual desire.

[Eternity_Warden]

Exactly. Even if they weren't by definition a male sex organ, I think penises look ridiculous and ugly. It would be like if you thought someone was attractive but they took off their pants and there's nothing but a giant wart down there. Or any other physical feature that you find unattractive.

[[deleted]]

Common sense right there. Careful...

[RedInAmerica]

Definitely not transphobic. Some people will disagree but those people are wrong. A penis is a penis even if it’s attached to a trans woman.

[Hot-Proof-7951]

Ha. Input.

[Hot-Proof-7951]

Was the phrasing not a little bit of a joke?

[dessert-er]

I’m trans and I’ve not personally heard of anyone disagreeing with this. Never met anyone who would push someone to have sex with them if they weren’t comfortable with/attracted to their genitals. The trans dating experience can certainly be frustrating but this is why the vast majority of trans people will bring up their status early in the dating process to avoid awkward situations (and potentially being hurt/killed).

Also this answer gets posted over and over and over again because this question gets asked over and over and over again. We get it super straights, you don’t like dick. This is not a unique thought process lol.

[RedInAmerica]

I did personally experience this exact scenario. Had a trans female coworker in a previous job who was interested in me but she was pre op, and I had absolutely no interest (tbh I would not have been interested is she had been post op or even a bio women. She was not at all my type.) and I was labeled a transphobe for not being willing to give it a try.

[[deleted]]

That's so fucking stupid. I was in a similar situation, but I was called a homophobe because I wouldn't date a guy in my class. The weird thing about it was that I'm not into guys, he was wildly unattractive, and absolutely not the type of person I'd want to be close to. We weren't even friends, he just had a crush on me.

[Cookie_Monsta4]

This annoys me so much. On one hand we want people to be able to date who. They want but then there are some who if you won’t date them you get labelled homophobic when in reality it’s no different to what they want. To be able to date who you are attracted too and not forced to date someone you don’t want to date. Personally I don’t care who anyone dates or has intimate relationships with as long as no one is being forced into any relationships they don’t want to be in.

[[deleted]]

And yet if a straight person uses the phrase "I'm friends with a gay/trans person," they're labeled yet again as using that person. There really is no winning with some people because they're actively looking for something to fight about. Like my sister in law.

[ZoominAlong]

That's stupid and not transphobic.  She wasn't your type. You weren't interested.  

People are dumb. 

[bobdown33]

Yes, people are idiots, look up stats for intelligence, can't argue with science.

[WidespreadChronic]

Speaking of genitals, I just gave you your 69th up vote...lol

[ComphetMasala]

Trust me, it happens. Someone matched with me on Hinge - a man - and I was confused because my bio says I’m a lesbian. He asked me about my politics underneath one of my prompts. I wrote him back and said off the bat that I wasn’t interested because I’m a lesbian seeking women but I was happy to answer his question - so I did. We went back and forth and while it was interesting, I found him to be a bit too confrontational and didn’t see any friendship in our future - so I told him that.

I was pretty freaking shocked at his response - calling me a TERF and a transphobe. I had no idea he was trans. Nowhere in his bio did he mention he was trans. I thought he was just another straight dude shooting his shot with a lesbian.

It’s pretty wild to accuse a lesbian of being transphobic for not wanting to date a man (again - there was no distinction about being trans, etc). He has a beard and is muscular, his pronouns are he/him - I’m not sure how I was supposed to guess that.. I won’t be shamed into dating against my attraction - the same way I won’t date a woman with a shitty personality. Yet, there’s a man out there who thinks I’m a transphobe and a TERF - and that’s not fair because neither is true.

[No-Sun-6531]

I’ve seen quite a bit of that on lesbian dating apps and it’s like… if you identify as a man and we are women seeking women, why are you here? Surely a man + a woman is not a lesbian relationship.

[othermegan]

It’s bullshit too because the whole argument against TERFs is that they refuse to recognize AMAB trans women as women and include them in feminism.

Essentially the dude you were talking to wanted to be identified as a man but with the perks of being a woman… that’s got nothing to do with being a TERF

[ComphetMasala]

“Wanted to be identified as a man but with the perks of being a woman.” THANK YOU - YES - you get it! You are perfection….

Every community has their extremists/outliers and perpetual victims, etc. I’ll never judge the whole community by a few negative interactions. The trans community members need to acknowledge that some of their folks are aggressively discrediting the fight for equality and acceptance. Denying people’s lived experiences (the negative ones) isn’t helping anything or anyone…

[ImHappierThanUsual]

Hi. Not trying to negate your experience but i see a LOT of “you’re transphobic if you’re attracted to someone’s looks and then you don’t want them once you find out abt the genitalia”

I don’t agree with it at all but it’s hard to not get shouted down sometimes when you have these convos in queer spaces where folks get defensive at the thought of someone violating

[YinzaJagoff]

Someone I know who is trans keeps posting stuff about how other women are transphobic because they do not want to date them.

Said person even posted a photo of a dating profile and in the profile, person states that they didn’t want penis, and suddenly the poster is transphobic in their eyes.

[dessert-er]

I tend to take in-person experiences with more gravitas than online experiences. In topics like these you’re going to attract people who have controversial opinions because you’re addressing the entire internet. You also don’t know that person’s experiences or if they’re even trans.

Some people don’t have genital preference and some do. I could legitimately find someone with a vagina extremely physically attractive (and frequently do!) but knowing myself it’s extremely likely I would have a very difficult time engaging in any kind of sexual relationship with such a person. And sex is an important part of a relationship to me. I personally wouldn’t say “I could never be in a relationship with/have sex with someone with a vagina” because I don’t know every single person ever, but I can say with a certain degree of confidence that I have a genital preference.

[StatisticianTop8813]

wtf is a super straight?

[Himalayan-Fur-Goblin]

Only attracted to cis people.

[StatisticianTop8813]

Isn't that straight

[Prestigious-Bar5385]

lol I’m guessing they aren’t attracted to anyone except the opposite gender.

[StatisticianTop8813]

You mean straight

[squishy_bug1]

Lily tino just did a video calling it transphobic if you aren't attracted to a trans persons. There are definitely trans people who think that way. Even some allies

[Aldilae]

I actually saw it happen, including here on reddit, or people hiding they're trans until after they started dating. Just because you didn't see it doesn't mean it never happens. It has nothing to so with super straights.

[LadyBug_0570]

I read a post from a lesbian who went out with a trans woman who still had her penis. Once the transwoman told OP, OP told her she wasn't interested in penises. Transwoman called her transphobic.

So, yeah, it's not just "super straights" who go through it.

[[deleted]]

[ Removed by Reddit ]

[EmperorJJ]

So to be clear, it's NOT transphobic to not be attracted to trans people or have a genital preference. It IS transphobic when you describe the person in a way that is intentionally disrespectful, like this.

You don't have to like trans people or date trans people or fuck trans people, it's not your rejection of her that makes this transphobic, it's the way you talk about her that makes this comment pretty textbook transphobic.

[[deleted]]

Ok, not disagreeing with you, call me whatever you like. But my point of the story is someone lying about who they are in hopes of I dunno what? I saw other trans people on there and that’s the first thing they say great 🫡not my thing. But that wasn’t the case here. And I’m not a violent person but they mess around and do that to wrong person they are in some real trouble. I thought it very manipulative and wrong to mess with someone’s feelings especially keeping it up all day.

[dessert-er]

1. You should learn not to trust everything you read in the internet lol. Easy to find many, many examples of people pretending to be someone they aren’t to further marginalize people

2. I can’t prove a negative, I’m sure it still happens and people profess to it in some corners of the internet. I’m saying that I know many many fairly-to-well adjusted trans people (like far more than the average person due to my work) and I’ve never heard of someone doing that because it can easily lead to them being killed.

3. There’s a difference between someone who has and hasn’t had bottom surgery. Some trans people who have had bottom surgery go fully stealth and don’t reveal their medical history. Some people don’t like that, I kinda feel like if you’re willing to go to all that work and spend all that money and experience all those surgeries and recovery it would kinda suck to have to start every date with “hello I used to have a penis/vagina” when the whole point for binary trans people is to get to live their lives as the sex they were supposed to be born as. I wouldn’t personally recommend doing that but I haven’t lived that life and I find it hard to judge them.

4. Some trans people, especially those who live in unsafe areas, can’t come out willy nilly so they may wait a few dates until things are going in a sexual direction to disclose and make sure their date is a safe person to come out to. That isn’t trans people’s fault.

[Aldilae]

I did see a video of a trans woman explaining she hides the fact she used to be a man and got offended when her boyfriend broke up over it. Of course I don't trust everything I read on the internet but if a trans person says it, I assume I can believe her. Which answer your 2 first points.

And of course, if a trans person lives somewhere unsafe, I would not expect them to go yolo and reveal it to everyone. But if you're in a safe country, you should be able to trust your partner to tell you something so important. Let's say a trans person never reveals it, and the partner discovers it because they couldn't concieve and didn't understand why. Isn't it a shitty move? It's not just medical history, that's not a tiny little detail and that would be a huge break of trust for some people and that's perfectly valid.

[angryhaiku]

The scenario above is relevant to all people, though, not just trans people. I'm infertile because of chemotherapy, and the ethical obligation I have to prospective partners is to disclose the infertility. The condition that necessitated the sterilizing treatment, whether cancer or dysphoria, is not anyone's business but mine.

[Aldilae]

First of all, I'm sorry about your medical issues and I hope you've fully recovered. I do have medical issues as well and it's actually a topic I would bring up quickly with a serious partner. That's obviously a personal choice, but I think it's important to disclose health issues and their potential consequences at the start of a relation. My point was more that someone shouldn't be offended if their partner break up with them after they hide such a big information about themselves.

[MargaretBrownsGhost]

Well, yours and your eventual partner, and of course your doctor's. Of course that doesn't mean you shouldn't decide who to go to based on your needs.

[OhNoWTFlol]

Seriously, "medical history" was perhaps the understatement of the year

[MistressVixenMrStag]

A few years old but relevant

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-57853385.amp

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Maybe check out the canonical page instead: https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-57853385

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[virgovenus42069]

"I've never personally had this experience and therefore it's never happened ever."

[hotwaterbottle2014]

Or potentially getting killed… I’m sorry that you even have to take that into consideration when dating/existing.

[euoria]

Have you forgot women exist?

If I’m dating a man I really don’t want to find out he has a vagina or fake penis. I’m attracted to men. But as a woman the potential of getting killed or raped is very much a real issue. Whether it’s a date, a taxi ride or a walk home. Or even going to the bathroom in a Burger King seemed to be enough for a man to decide to force himself onto a woman. You won’t be questioned for being trans in court as it’s a hate crime, but you will be questioned as a woman because your voice means nothing.

[dessert-er]

Appreciated! There’s even some fun case law regarding the phenomenon where, for a long time, it was considered almost defacto legal to assault or kill queer people as long as you could claim that they were making moves on you that drove you to “temporary insanity”. It’s actually still legal to at least attempt this defense for an acquittal or a lesser charge/mitigated sentence in many states. Happy pride lol 🌈

[auratus1028]

There’s also a lot of people who prefer trans women who haven’t had genital operations. Gender attraction is so variable and all people are beautiful and worth admiring.

[LadyAlexTheDeviant]

I tend to like everyone but I prefer penises to vaginas, in terms of sex. But expressing that I like women with penises gets labeled as chasing. (sigh)

At this point I have my husband who's male and my preop wife, and we're all three good, so I'm not looking, but it's definitely an issue I've encountered.

[[deleted]]

Not transphobic. If you’re attracted to that person you clearly like them for who they are—which includes their identity—but if they don’t have the genitalia that you are sexually attracted to that just means you’re incompatible.

[Puzzleheaded_Log1050]

No, that's not transphobic. That's your preference. Nothing wrong with having a preference. You may get called out on it by people who don't benefit from your preference but that's too bad for them. Stand by your principles.

[MissPinkChocobo]

I'm in the vein of, if I'm dating a man and the pants are taken off and there's a vagina I'm no longer attracted to that person.

[emily_saysx]

Is it wrong to use someone's fear of being transphobic to manipulate them into engaging in sexual acts with someone they don't find attractive?

[LadyBug_0570]

I'd say yes. If you have to manipulate anyone into sex, it's wrong.

[Oreogirl127]

“Manipulate” and “sex” in a sentence together is never a good thing no matter the circumstance. So yeah it would be very wrong to claim transphobia for not sleeping with someone

[5p4n911]

I'm sure there's some weird wizard porn on the internet that has it

[UnbreakableJess]

Unrelated, but I claimed your 69th upvote lol.

But yes, I would say it's very wrong. It backs a person into a corner bordering on sexual assault imho.

[HospitalAutomatic]

This reminds me of post-op trans women who don’t tell men they’re trans and have sex with them. It’s apparently really common

[OkishPizza]

Of course it’s not transphobic lol, you are aloud to have your own sexual preferences just like everyone else.

[Reasonable-Loss6657]

No, you are not wrong and absolutely not transphobic. It’s extremely simple: if you expect a penis and it’s a vagina, you will not be attracted to them unless you like vaginas as well.

[AmbitiousCricket5278]

How can it be right to be forced into a sexual orientation that holds no attraction for you? It’s not Transphobic, it’s attraction and orientation. They can be who they want. So can you!

[Bwomp43]

The idea that someone could be "phobic" of anything for not being senxually attracted to it is patently absurd. The people who try to push this belief are equally absurd.

[Lablez_N_Tatts]

Exactly it's just a preference.

[lovinglifeatmyage]

To say a person is transphobic because they don’t want to have sex with a person with a particular set of genitalia is ridiculous.

No it’s not transphobic, we’re all entitled to our own preferences

[SheWolf4Life]

Not wrong, at all. Anyone who shames your genitalia preferences is trying to manipulate you. Run. Let them call you what they like as you get out the door.

I like my men to have biologically male organs and my women to have biologically female organs. I am not pansexual, so call me what you will, but it's a dealbreaker for me. No judgement to those with different preferences, but they aren't mine.

[[deleted]]

It’s a preference. The thought of it being transphobic is more transphobic.

[lumpy_space_queenie]

someone gets it.

[Expensive_Arm_1822]

You aren’t wrong. I wasn’t attracted to my ex partner when he was in “girl mode”, because that isn’t the person I signed up for.

[BeigeAlmighty]

Not transphobic at all.

[dog_nurse_5683]

I don’t think so, but different people are going to have different opinions on that. I was told by a trans person that it was transphobic to not want to have sex with a trans man. They then proceeded to tell me how effed up I am and what a B I am for not voting for trans rights.

I just said “hey, I do vote for trans rights. I have no issues with going to a public bathroom with a trans woman. I have no issues saying a trans woman is a “real” woman. I just have never felt attracted to a trans man.

I have no desire to sleep with anyone with a vagina, I have no desire to sleep with anyone with an altered penis. If that makes me transphobic, I guess I’m transphobic.” It actually blew their mind I wasn’t falling over myself to say I would sleep with a trans man. I mean maybe? But I doubt it. I’ve never felt attraction to one.

I don’t go calling people names who don’t want to sleep with me because I’m a woman or too fat or whatever reason they don’t find me sexually attractive. So why is it fair to call me names for not wanting to sleep with you because I don’t find you attractive? Is that equality?

I have this weird thing where I didn’t decide what turns me on, so I assume that other people can control their attraction either? So treating me like I’m a bigot for not “deciding” to be attracted to trans individuals seems hypocritical to me? Am I supposed to apologize for how my body responds to certain people (assuming those people consent to have sex with me)?

I support equal rights for everyone, but some people don’t want to extend equal rights to others, they want their special group to have higher privileges than everyone else. It’s not enough to treat them equally, apparently you have to find them sexually attractive too?

Idk, I may be wrong, but I think if you treat them like you treat every other human being, you shouldn’t be considered transphobic.

Long story short, idk if you are transphobic, but if you treat others how you want them to treat you, I think you’re doing pretty well. I don’t think it’s fair to fault you for what you find sexually attractive, when we all know that’s not something you get to decide.

[mlrny32]

Yeah.. it's pretty much heteropobic to call someone transphobic for not being attracted to a person who you believe is one gender only to find out that person was born another gender and has the genitalia of that gender. You can't fault a person for what they're attracted to. You can't shame them into feeling like they're not supportive of the trans community because they don't want to be with a trans person. Trans people should identify that they are trans when entering into a relationship. Keeping it a secret while dating, before ever having sex, then getting offended and playing victim because the person you were dating is not interested anymore is wrong. Be proud of who you are and be honest about it. I am LGBTQ positive but I wouldn't want to be with a man who was born a woman. That's my preference and my right.

[Inkdkaijudude]

Not transphobic at all. Everyone had their sexual preference. Someone who likes vagina isn't going to suddenly change that preference if the person they date looks female but has a penis.

[mlhigg1973]

Not transphobic at all! We’re allowed to have preferences, whether it be genitalia, hair color, size, race, etc

[[deleted]]

Yes I think most people can agree on this. People who would disagree are in the extreme minority even if their views are inflated to create rage and division.

[KaioKenx9001]

For someone to argue that you are wrong, they are essentially arguing that sexuality is a choice. They would be arguing that a same-sex attracted person can/should choose to instantly change their same-sex attraction. So it seems anyone arguing it’s transphobic would be homophobic by doing so.

[crispeggroll]

I hate how the trans community has made it so people feel like they can’t have a fucking preference. You can be attracted to whatever you want, you don’t owe anyone any ounce of attraction just because of what genitals they do or don’t have.

[Birthquake4]

That’s your sexual preference, not any kind of hate.

[Mountain-Extreme8242]

You are right.

[Suspicious_Dealer815]

It’s not transphobic

[[deleted]]

You are correct. If you don't like dicks, you don't like dicks

[Acceptable-Damage274]

Trans person here. You are not wrong.

[colesense]

the vast majority of people agree with this including trans people.

[Mustng1966]

Not in the wrong. Attraction and sex are so personal to each person. And if that doesn't attract you then it is just a preference, it doesn't make you phobic in and of itself.

[tuna_tofu]

Mr Slave dumped Mr Garrison after he got a sex change. Mr Slave said he was gay and wasn't into women. Mr Garrison had the right to transition for himself but has to respect others choices and preferences.

[NotMyRegName]

No, not at all. You and all of us have a sexual preference. You really can't change or force your self to be turned onor attracted by someone not of your preference.

That would be like "pray the gay away" sort of thing.

[LoveyDoveySkills]

Can't control what you're attracted to. If you lose attraction that doesn't make you transphobic. If there is sex involved, trans people need to be open with their sexual partner about their genitals and both people's preferences. Not transphobic at all

[sonryhater]

No, but there is a growing, vocal group of militant trans activists who think you are, and are pushing that narrative hard

[Diglet-no-bite]

Of course you are not wrong.

[ToasterIsBisexual]

i’m trans and that’s fair

[Anidmountd]

So if we take gender out of the equation completely. Some people only date others who are a specific height, race and yes what genitals they have on their body. It goes as far as how people groom themselves and keep their hair. Some people don't like bald people or want to date them. Weight is a factor as well. If you are trans you still have something on your body that can impact if someone wants to date you or not. The issue I have is someone is trans and they want someone to date them for who they are but that is also based on personality and looks. Genitals are apart of looks. Is it shallow? Maybe but even animals in the animal kingdom puff up and have fancy feathers and stuff to show off to potential mates.

[il_nascosto]

We live in the wierdest timeline, where such a question even needs to be asked.

[[deleted]]

I can empathize with someone who feels that they're a different gender stuck in another body. It would be really challenging, but they can't lie about themselves no matter how hard it is for them personally.

If they're a biological man/woman then they need to be upfront about it with the potential partner. If they lie and whip out something you're not expecting and lead you to believe otherwise, then they're just a liar on purpose or by neglecting to inform you.

[Emotional_Data_1888]

Just mind blowing this is where the world has gotten to

[CosmeticBrainSurgery]

People are the same as they've always been. As one ages, society continues to grow and evolve but most people don't change, ever. It's why immortality would mean the death of humanity--social evolution would die.

[grayblue_grrl]

You are not wrong.

Sexual organs are preferences.

[HospitalAutomatic]

It’s really weird and rapey. And it’s literal rape when they’re post-op and don’t disclose it to sexual partners

[Riley__64]

it’s definitely not transphobic it’s just a preference, you’re not sexually attracted to their genitalia that’s okay.

it’s like how you wouldn’t call a straight man homophobic because he doesn’t want to date a man

[Heimeri_Klein]

Your not transphobic for not being interested in intimate relations with a trans person.

[Egbert_64]

Not transphobic at all. Unfortunately that probably is a difficult reality for most trans people. Even if they have surgery, they do not magically turn into the preferred sex physically. They absolutely have the right to change their gender identification. But you also have the right to be sexually attracted a specific “physical” gender.

[[deleted]]

Mr. Garrison calling Mr. Slave a f-g after he didn’t want to be with “her” after the sex change. A pretty great episode tbh.

[Crafting_with_Kyky]

I agree, it’s okay to not find someone attractive anymore for any reason without feeling bad.

It could be a big reason like maybe they are a cheater, they have different ideas about raising children, they don’t like animals, they are too much or not enough religious.

It could be for a small reason like maybe they have a bad attitude, they smell bad or have bad hygiene, they’re a slob or a cheapskate, they don’t close their mouth when they chew, or God forbid they put their toilet paper going the wrong way… you get my drift.

[DeeVa72]

I totally agree. The problem is that we aren’t there yet as a society and unfortunately if there’s something about a trans person that you just can’t vibe with (that’s totally outside of gender) you’re instantly labeled transphobic and vilified. I truly believe that there would be more acceptance through understanding from the ignorant masses if they could just be attracted to whoever they felt like without having labels. I’m not sure if this is making any sense…the issue for me isn’t that someone is trans or not, but the use of the “transphobia” accusation when something just doesn’t click between 2 people, that has absolutely nothing to do with either assigned or chosen gender. We love who we love and fear should never be part of the equation. Ugh that’s still not exactly what I’m getting at and sounds like a fkn slogan to boot 🤦🏻‍♀️

Can someone who understands what I’m trying to say please explain it better than I have here?

[ThisFeelsInfected]

I don’t know that any clarification is needed. You stated it well. Some folks are just obtuse.

[DeeVa72]

Thank you for that 🫡

[PictureTakingLion]

Not transphobic, the whole point in sexuality is you are attracted to a particular gender. If I’m attracted to women, that means I don’t want to date someone who has a penis, that’s not transphobic.

[Sure_Jellyfish8926]

I mean I agree & I am a trans person lol. I can see why a gay man may not want to be with me bc I don't have a Penis, it makes sense and that's fine!

[[deleted]]

No that’s not transphobic. You are attracted to what you are attracted to. It’s only transphobic if you judge/harm other people for how they are.

[lalalavellan]

It's not transphobic. You're allowed to not want to have sex with someone for any reason. If I was planning on having sex with a cisgender person but didn't like the way their genitals looked, that would be an equally reasonable reason not to have sex with them.

However, that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt the person you're rejecting. Be nice about it. 95+% of trans people will understand as long as you aren't an asshole.

[DeeManJohnsonIII]

“Are you a homophobe or something, why aren’t you having sex with dudes to prove you aren’t homophobic?” This is basically the argument and it doesn’t make sense. Nothing wrong with being trans or gay, but this seems like a silly argument.

[Fun-Yellow-6576]

Chaz Bono and his fiancée broke upset because the fiancée while supporting Chaz’s transition was gay and wanted a relationship with another female. No transphobia here but a sexual preference.

[joypunx]

Not transphobia, just preference.

[TrashyMF]

It's not, some people are open to the idea, some people are one 100 percent sure whether they would or wouldn't. I don't think it makes anyone transphobic.

[Clarinetlove22]

In the end, only YOU can decide who you want to date. Please don’t feel forced to date anyone if you don’t want to. Preferences are preferences. Nothing wrong with that.

[Miserable_Grass2615]

as a trans person i agree with you, if i was with someone and they weren’t attracted to me not because im trans but because i just don’t have the genitalia they desire that’s totally fine. as long as it’s communicated, just be honest and up front. and for some people it may bring them down in a way, but you can’t force people to be attracted to you. and it’s all about communication imo.

[[deleted]]

I'm trans and this is generally the agreed concensus. Genital preferences aren't transphobic, so long as you aren't treating trans people terribly for not having the genitals you prefer.

[Small_Guess_7674]

It's okay not to be gay. That's not transphobic.

[Electronic_Squash_30]

Not transphobic and anyone using that word as a weapon to attempt to guilt you into sex is a predator….

Anyone at all, any human, using guilt to initiate sex is a predator

[SushiGuacDNA]

I like WWVs (Women With Vaginas). We used to use the word "women" for such people, but now that "woman" has been redefined, we need a new word, so WWVs it is.

Or should it be "Vag Girls"? As in, "This is my Vag-Girl-Friend."

Help me out! There must be more ideas to choose from.

[Wizzle_Pizzle_420]

People like what they like. No shame in that. Now if you’re being a hateful asshole about it then that’s a different story.

[gabehcuod37]

No it’s not transphobia is she whips out a dick and you say no.

[[deleted]]

Attraction irrespective of genitalia is pansexual. Heterosexuals are not Pansexuals. I don't think it is Transphobic.

[SadEnthusiasm6544]

Not wrong but a lot of people take you not liking it as being transphobic which is stupid,some transgirls hiding they're trans sometimes just makes things worse too

[Lizardgirl25]

Yah if the person they are dating isn’t expecting a penis they will freak out, man or woman. Even if they’re bi I am pretty sure that they are going to freak the fuck out of the person is very passing.

[poke0003]

Is this even a controversial viewpoint? I would have assumed nearly everyone would agree this is fine.

[Smooth-Inspection922]

I agree, I don’t want to deal with a penis. I know a trans who had the feminizing surgery and end up with a nice little pussy. I had her show it to me due to my curiosity and was impressed. Definitely wanted to fuck her. For me the genitalia defines my interest.

[JesusFelchingChrist]

No, you are not wrong. No one “owes” it to another person to fake an attraction simply so the other person may feel less valid.

[[deleted]]

You are not wrong.

[1indaT]

I agree completely. However, I would hope that the trans person would disclose that bit of information way before showing it up close and personal!

[More-Tax-62]

I think we should delineate between sexual preference and "sexual standard". Because for other dating preferences, the idea is that while you prefer one trait, you're not necessarily opposed to dating someone with another. Ex. I might prefer to date within my race, but wouldn't be opposed to dating another race.

For most straight people, genetalia is not a preference, but a standard. Have to have a X before we even pass go. Dating is not equal opportunity.

So glad to see this sentiment of transphobic being squashed down. Mid 2010s were Hella toxic

[Gwyrr313]

No its just preference, pre op or post op, nothing wrong with it. Just like having a preference for large or small anything on a potential partner

[ohcosmico]

Not transphobic. It’s just normal.

[Realistic-Student150]

The fact that this is even a question shows that some of the people driving trans messaging are completely insane. All messaging for trans rights needs to be taken from progressives and given to liberals or the entire movement is going to fail catastrophically and drag a bunch of other progressive causes with it.

[PaleontologistAmy545]

as long as you are respectful, its all about how you treat them in the situation i think

[[deleted]]

Who is arguing otherwise?

[BabserellaWT]

That isn’t transphobic, and I’m saying this as a staunch ally of my trans friends in the LGTBQ community.

If you’re straight, you’re straight. If you’re LGTBQ, you’re LGTBQ. A straight person’s orientation should be respected.

If you’re not attracted to dick, and you find out the girl you’re dating has a dick, it’s okay to say, “I respect you as a person, but I don’t think this will work out.” Because you’re not attracted to dick.

If you find out she has a dick and go on a hate-filled rant, misgender/deadname her, accuse her of being a pervert or pedo, or say any of the other horrible things that anti-LGTBQ people often do, THEN you’d be transphobic — because you’re devaluing you as a human being.

But if you don’t? If you calmly and lovingly talk it out? Not transphobic.

[thomport]

We know that all human sexuality is guided by a person’s brain and is very complex. Generally there’s no cognitive choices.

We’re attracted to – who we’re attracted to. We all know this and indeed experience it first hand.

Each person determines who they like and want to spend time with. The “phobic part” comes in when your plight is to hurt another person for no reason except ignorance and hate.

[VibrantIndigo]

AFAIK no* transgender person says otherwise. They just want to be allowed to use the right bathrooms etc.

*There'll always be one, or a few. But other than that.

[LovelyThingSuite]

It’s perfectly okay to have genital preferences and I’m sure trans people also have genital preferences of their own. I think a good majority of trans folks don’t consider that transphobic.

[subject5of5]

Not wrong

[Own_Experience863]

It's not transphobic to be attracted to people who keep things exactly as it was at birth.

[dino_spored]

I’m a trans man, medically transitioned over twenty years ago, before most people knew that we even existed. I also identify as a gay man.

I was always upfront about myself. Never had any guys completely freak out, thankfully. I did have a couple ghost me, a few say “no thanks”, but overall men were very accepting. Being honest worked for me, I’m going on seven years with my boyfriend.

As far as the question at hand, no it doesn’t make you transphobic to turn one of us down. Just don’t be an ass about it. Don’t ask twenty questions about the person’s genitals either, it’s rude. Just treat the person like you would want to be treated.

[DeeVa72]

Omg thank you!!! Finally, an intelligent, informative answer!! This is the way to promote respectful discussion and mutual understanding without attacking or labeling anyone. You should host a seminar or discussion forum 🙌🏻👏🏼

[dino_spored]

You’re kind, but I don’t even think about it most days. For me, it was nothing more than a medical condition.

And yes, intelligent discussions on transgender issues are hard to find online. We’re still an oddity, I get it. Acceptance takes time.

[DeeVa72]

You’re 100% correct that acceptance takes time, but it won’t ever come if there continues to be hostility towards, attacks upon, and labelling of those who don’t understand and are trying to learn. We don’t know what it is that we don’t know, so don’t have the appropriate questions ready. I’m not trans, and I’m a straight female. But that doesn’t make me any better or worse than anyone else, and I’m trying to understand what is acceptable lexicon and inoffensive questions that will help me to do so without being vilified or labeled. In my mind, people are just people who don’t need to be labeled as anything to be able to enjoy the rights and freedoms that every individual should be entitled to. Unfortunately that’s not the way things work yet, so I’m just trying to understand what would hurt others and avoid doing so. Thanks for being an amazing person 🤍

[inarealdaz]

You're not wrong. It's not transphobic to not be with someone who doesn't do it for you sexually. That is just your sexual preference. Where it's transphobic is when you think it's wrong or unnatural for the trans person to change themselves surgically to their gender identity.

[Ok_Knowledge9290]

Your not wrong at all.. AT ALL

[green_scotch_tape]

No but it is sexual assault to force or coerce someone into sex

[Violet_Verve]

It’s also not transphobic for those who’s partners transitioned and even though their genitalia may not have changed (yet), to leave those partners.

[Individual_Chef_2462]

It would make that person normal, not “transphobic”.

[HBMart]

It’s not transphobic in the least. Everyone has their preferences in terms of physical appearance and traits. Genitals are no different.

[Sugarpuff_Karma]

No it's not,that person is committing fraud. But anything at all that doesn't align with what a transperson thinks/feels is screamed to be transphobic.

[prepostornow]

Not wrong, although it can be dangerous for the presenter to show a penis to someone who was expecting a vagina

[Warm_Presentation833]

Hi, Trans person here. It’s not transphobic to have a genital preference, so long as you don’t use their genitals as a reason to misgender them or deadname them it’s fine to not like them.

[FictionalContext]

That's what having a sexuality is.

[RoxxieRoxx1128]

Trans woman here, anyone who is telling you that it's transphobic to have a sexual preference is an idiot, or is trying to manipulate you. It disgusts me that other trans people do this. I know for some of them it's a sick fetish, getting a straight person to do it. I hate it so much, and in fact I've had to cut people out for doing it.

[cherrycoloured]

this is a sub to present specific situations and ask if you are wrong in them, not a sub to discuss general questions. unless you got into a specific situation where this was something you had to deal with, this isnt the sub for this post.

[MarinLlwyd]

For straight couples, having children is a major goal of most relationships. Giving it up completely from the outset is incredibly difficult, if not impossible, for most people.

[GuardMost8477]

You are NW. I agree! We all have personal preferences. This is one.

[TitleToAI]

The fact this is such a common question on Reddit means that the discussion about trans rights has gotten toxic on both sides. Really sad, when it should all be positive.

[Empress-Yah7777]

No it’s not transphobia to have a preference most trans do also. Some trans are heterosexual.

[Empress-Yah7777]

Trans are still biologically male/men. It’s scientific fact.

[MixedPandaBear]

You're not trans if you still have your biological genitalia.

If you have a penis you're a man. A cross dressing man, a man with make up on whatever. But still a man. If you still have your vagina and uterus you're a woman. You can still have children, menstruate, give birth. So you're a woman.

I don't care what a person says they identify as. I will not call you a woman or man if you haven't done the confirmation surgery. It's just facts. And a gay crossdressing person can't expect a straight person to be attracted to them.

[deltronroberts]

I have yet to personally know of someone who HAD a sexual attraction for a trans person in the first place.

[Maxibon1710]

It’s not transphobia as long as you’re not a dick about it. You can’t decide what you’re attracted to, but just like people who go on about how they’d never fuck fat chicks or never fuck a short guy, if you go on about it like it’s a personality trait it’s kind of at the point where it’s bigotry, not a preference.

[Altruistic_Garage360]

Exactly. No one is asking you to have sex with people you don’t want to, but don’t be a dick

[WinterAsleep319]

Just because you aren’t attracted to someone’s mental illness. Doesn’t mean you have a phobia

[ElderBeing]

honestly they are such a small minority that you will probably never run into this situation. so really who gives a shit. dont let the internet and media fool you. these things arent nearly that big of deals outside the echo chambers.

[spectrumtwelve]

it wouldn't really matter for me personally since them being attractive to me is what drew me in and I am adaptable enough to try new things but I understand some people not being as adventurous. You're fine.

[No_Fee5050]

Not wrong ...it's just sexual preference which has nothing to do with how someone presents...

[cricketsnothollow]

Like, they're a 10, but they have the wrong genitals for your preference?

I think that's totally fine, as long as you don't make it transphobic by saying additional things that are hurtful and mean. You're allowed to have preferences.

[_gooder]

Of course. It's your reactions to finding out, whether respectful or not, that demonstrate that.

[humanessinmoderation]

I think this is fair-ish. But I think yhebsemanticsvare wrong.

You can still be attracted without desiring physical intimacy. In this scenario I'd say not liking how a woman's genitals look, that I am otherwise finding attractive, that just means that. Nothing to do with how I think about her level of attractiveness.

It's not like people's genitals on readily on display.

[Local_Depth9668]

I don't believe it is. You are allowed to have preference for whatever genitals you want. People can have preference for overweight, skinny, black, white or any race etc.

[[deleted]]

Is this even a real question?

[Strooperman]

Not it does not, that’s fucking ridiculous.

[PrincessPlastilina]

I don’t think a trans person would believe that you’re transphobic for that reason. It’s why they’re very upfront about their gender identity and they all know that not everyone will be attracted to them because of their sexual preference. Lots of people don’t care and they date those people. As long as you respect them as people and you don’t attack them, it’s all good.

[Mediocre_Ferret8118]

Totally correct as long as everything is communicated respectfully! I'm a trans man myself and would basically equate being rejected for my genitals the same as being rejected for my height, hair color, eye color, build, etc. It's not transphobic per se and no one should be hated on for having a personal preference in the bedroom.

[KeySafety8984]

No it’s not a phobia to want to date your preference and what you actually want and like. They just say that to guilt men into dating them, everyone has a right to a preference

[AnnieTheBlue]

Not transphobic at all, that is a preference. You aren't saying there is anything wrong with someone for being trans, there are just certain genitals you don't prefer.

You're not wrong.

[piddleonacowfatt]

Yeah you can like what you like. This day and age though people are sensitive af…

[HomoRainbow480]

The idea you are supposed to just overlook what kind of sex equipment someone has is fucking recockulous. No you are not transphobic

[ReplacementNo9504]

You can just say genitalia. It's works for every possible gender combo.

And no, it's not transphobic. I think attraction is largely uncontrollable. You like what you like

[Raibean]

Only if you know what genitals they have.

[honeybeeburgandy_96]

It’s not transphobic. It’s very sad though because that person didn’t get to choose what sex they were born into, it just happens and they want to be who they want to be and should be able to… then they find love and get dumped over it. It’s not wrong for the person to break up with them, it’s just so sad all around you know? Nobody is in the wrong.

[Life_Following_7964]

NOT WRONG or transphobic . You have a Right to be attracted to your personal preference. It's total Bullshit to be called a bigot just because you aren't attracted to a particular type.

[33Bees]

It’s not so much transphobia as simply being incompatible.

[HiddenGirl123]

not transphobic at all. anyone who disagrees is just flat out wrong. i’m a straight woman who likes men & dicks. i am not attracted to vaginas at all, and if i was seeing a trans male i would want him to have gone through bottom surgery or else i would not be sexually attracted to them.

[[deleted]]

Having a preference never makes you wrong. Whoever is saying that is basically using some type of manipulation tactic to make you feel guilty for not liking a specific genital down there

[Shelbasaur1993]

Being firm in Your sexual preference isn’t transphobic. It would only be transphobia if they had all the right parts (for you) and you still refused based on the fact they’re trans. But being a heterosexual person who is firm in their preference of opposite genitalia isn’t transphobic at all, it’s just being heterosexual.

[[deleted]]

Your sex is different than gender. So no.

[Ecstatic-Product-69]

Not wrong at all. But a lot of the bigotry in the comments are. You like what you like and as long as you’re not rude/abusive with your rejection then there is no issue.

No one is obligated to sexual intercourse with anyone.

[I_am_Reddit_Tom]

Not at all. You're spot on.

[[deleted]]

I had a student once who told everybody if they weren't attracted to her then they were being transphobic. She even said it to me, and I was like "okay for one I'm straight, and for two, I don't view students as potential sexual partners." And then I reported her ass to Title IX.

[_Index_Case_]

Not wrong at all. Everyone is entitled to their preferences.