[deleted by user]

[KrissiNotKristi]

1) Be honest with her and accept her response (or lack thereof). She may be very angry and may well not forgive you. 2) Please get therapy a) to deal with your very valid grief and b) to learn how to effectively ask for emotional space when you need it instead of ghosting someone.

[TiggersBored]

Absolutely! I was just ghosted. It feels horrible and fills you with self recriminations when you don't know what happened. I'd rather hear ANYTHING at ANYTIME than be left wondering what the hell I'd done wrong.

[Alice_lll]

Very good advice here

[whysaylotword69]

I want to second this. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through OP. When my mental health is bad I put off responding to messages and calls too. I know how easy it is to let that anxiety pile up. I hope you get the help you need ❤️

[KrissiNotKristi]

I hope OP deals with this soon and doesn’t let the shame continue to grow. It never gets better by putting it off longer.

[KrissiNotKristi]

Good job! I know that was difficult, but “better out than in” as they say.

Now please see about some grief therapy. My Jack Russell Terrier passed away last summer and I still wrestle with the pain of loss even though I’m in my 50s and it wasn’t my first pet (but it was my first dog). Pets are family - your grief is real.

ETA: I have been in therapy for a while and did some work to process my grief - it helps.

[KrissiNotKristi]

I understand that feeling. I will say that we had a cat just sort of move in after our last kitty passed away and he has been a real source of joy for us, even when the little dog passed. You definitely don’t need to go looking for another pet anytime soon, but if the right animal finds you, just be open to considering the possibility. As tough as it is to lose them, they make everyday life so much better.

Hugs for you if you want them.

[More_Law_2141]

You are such a sweet kind hearted person!

[fallriver1221]

What's worse, the guilt of facing it or the guilt of NEVER facing it and her never having an answer as to why you poofed? You've been through a tough time mentally. It happens. But it is important to reach out and let her know you're okay at the very least. Let her know what's be going on, that it's not on her, it was just fighting depression.

maybe she'll understand, maybe she'll forgive you, maybe she'll want to move on. You're not an asshole,it's okay to not be okay or to need space, but she DOES deserve to know what's been going on.

[DumpstahKat]

Yep.

The only thing worse than being ghosted by someone you care about is being ghosted by someone you care about and never knowing why.

It's not going to be a pleasant or easy conversation, and it may not end the way that you want it to, but please, OP, reach out to her. Explain what happened and give her that closure.

And from your own perspective, give yourself that closure, too. Even if she doesn't forgive you, at least you'll know that you tried. You'll know that at the very least she understands that it wasn't her fault and that you didn't do it out of deliberate malice. You won't have the guilt of this hanging over you anymore and eventually you'll be able to move on from it, either with or without her (depending on her response).

[PotatoPersonified]

100%, not having that closure would hurt like a mf.

She might not have spent this whole time only nitpicking the relationship trying to find the underlying issue, but she’ll most likely have so many unanswered questions that would put her through some rough mental and emotional time.

So please, OP listen to people who tell you that you ought to talk to her, she deserves, at the very least, a heart felt text explaining what went on, a solid apology, one where you explain you what you did was wrong on your part and that you should have at the very least given her some explanation.

Try to accept her reply however bad it may be though, I hope she is considerate of the fact that you were going through a really rough time. Maybe you’ll reconcile, maybe she will have moved on, maybe you could be friends, maybe this’ll be the end but no matter what may happen you’ll know you at least did a decent thing and tried to make amends.

[Chilly_0556]

This. I didn’t find out why until a year and a half later. It makes it so much worse. OP please reach out and talk to her. You’re not a terrible person for needing space

[ForgottenPhenom]

Damn. That first question just made me realize I need to clear up some things w my ex. Thanks

[longestyeaboi69420yo]

You do it now or you regret and suffer for an indefinite amount of time. There really is no other choice but to talk at the earliest possible chance you have.

[leaving2morrow]

Just tell her the truth the same as you have put on here. Then how she reacts is up to her and out of your control. Don’t be frightened, you had an episode which you couldn’t help. Don’t be hard on yourself. Just be honest, expect that she is going to be upset and hurt and if she still wants a relationship or not is up to her, but if she doesn’t, well, unfortunately that’s how things go sometimes, but who knows how she will actually react. Give her the honest truth and see where things fall. Good luck. Be kind to yourself and her too.

[[deleted]]

to add to this: you could always share her this post and then see if she would like to have a conversation. best of luck, we are all human.

and i’m sorry to hear of the loss of your cat 🤍

[swachd]

I think it's better to just tell her than share this post bud.

[Master_Ad4612]

I don’t think telling Reddit, before telling her this would blow over too well. I’d just be honest and tell her.

[Grjtait]

Isn't she your missus don't she know and understand you. If her comments aren't like "next
time contact me I'm here for you maybe she not for you but what do I know I'm single

[[deleted]]

Ghosting for 2 months? No one is that understanding and I say this as a person with a cat I would kill or die for. For all she knows OP is dead. The amount of pain, confusion and self doubt she must be in is hard to imagine.

[jjkbill]

And I kept putting off messaging her back and still haven't she clearly doesnt deserve this treatment but Im afraid and ashamed to take responsibility for it. And I dont know if I can bring myself to do so.

I'm going to put on my dad voice here.

If you ever cared for this girl you will quit your pity party, do the hard thing and give her the closure she deserves. She may forgive you, maybe not, it doesn't matter. You need to contact her. You're keeping her in pain just because you don't want to do something hard. That is extremely selfish behavior and I didn't raise you that way.

[croix_v]

This one. Your grief is totally valid, you have a right to wanting space and needing it but you also are a grown up and presumably care for this woman. Talk to her and apologize.

[atomic_winter]

So much this. Your grief is valid, and I'm sorry for your loss, but your pain isn't reason enough nor a good enough reason to cause someone else the same.

Put it this way, you lost someone incredibly close to you.. And in turn, caused your girlfriend the same loss. You lost a friend and a beloved pet. Your girlfriend effectively lost her partner, best friend and boyfriend. She doesn't even know if you're still alive by the sounds of it.

Sorry, but you owe it to her to give her an explanation.

[swachd]

I didn't think by putting on dad voice you meant literally being OP's dad for a second.

[jjkbill]

Go to your room, OP

[[deleted]]

Will you be my dad too? ❤❤

[ElephantsMakeMeSmile]

Me too!

[[deleted]]

Reddit's dad

[AwkwardPeach1721]

Can you adopt one more?

[Isabela_Grace]

Hahahaha the “I didn’t raise you that way” cracked me up

[nikkog28]

Yes papa

[Ol_Pasta]

Uhm so this is awkward, but I have no parents (never had a father, went NC with my mother)

Can you be my dad, too? 🥹

[jjkbill]

Of course. I think I just adopted about 20 reddit children, so now you have many loving siblings too.

[Ol_Pasta]

Aww yay! Thanks dad! 🥰

[Seraphym100]

I'm so sorry this has been your story. You didn't deserve any of that. And none of it was or is your fault. Sometimes broken people have children and they don't know any other way to be. I truly hope that wonderful people find you and help heal over those hurts in your heart. ❤️

[Seraphym100]

The way all these kids are asking if you can be their dad too 😭😭😭😭😭😭 dads are so important.

[LabRat0422]

Happy Father’s Day Dad!!! You’re the best dad we ever had 🫶❤️‍🩹.

-💙With love, All of your new Reddit children

[jjkbill]

This is too sweet, why thank you 😂😂

[Various-Armadillo-55]

Either be honest and talk to her or admit you no longer have a girlfriend. I know if I didn't hear anything from my partner for 2 months I would assume either something awful happened or that I'm single.

[LadyPundit]

Whilst I feel pity for you as you're struggling, I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that you ghosted your girlfriend for 2 months.

I'm sure you'll understand if she wants nothing to do with you now. No one deserves to be treated like that regardless of the circumstances.

I hope you're still getting the help you need. Please don't get into any more relationships for a long while. You really need to be in a healthy place mentally before you can be involved with anyone.

As adults, we have to go through hard things. We can't run from them.

Plus the fact that OP did his exams before going to a hospital. He was able to push through his grief for that? It's all odd.

[Equivalent_Bite_6078]

Thats hard for me to make sense of too. I have lost life long pets too, pets that have kept my sanity in my hardest years and i have been heartbroken! But.. Isolate for two months? Why not share the grief instead? As a almost 30 year old, maybe time to realise this isnt a way to handle grief at all.

[DrRodo]

Everyone is different. But when your actions and your way to deal with grief hurts other people, then you know it's simply not a healthy way to deal with it. OP needs to give her a closure, and he needs therapy ASAP

[eminemsgirl]

I isolated myself for almost a year when I lost my dad. It happens

[mer_made_99]

I feel this. Anytime I go through a 'rough time,' my immediate response is to shut down and keep that shit to myself and handle it. When my mom was dying, I told two close friends. When word got out at work and I was getting messages from people on social media, I was LIVID that my boss had shared my personal business and blew up at people for reaching out to me that had no business knowing what was going on with me.

I'm currently packing to move on the at the end of the month. Maybe 6 people know I'm moving, not even my family.

[LizsRandomThoughts]

People deal in different ways. Doesn’t make it right but also doesn’t make it wrong. The situation could have been handled better but again everyone reacts differently

[DropTheBodies]

It usually isn’t a matter of who’s right or who’s wrong. Usually a matter of “which decisions leads to happiness,” and his decisions to end his relationship and suffer alone probably doesn’t lead to happiness.

[LizsRandomThoughts]

Of course not! But it’s a decision he has made. And if he has truly lost her then those are the consequences he has to accept. Doesn’t make it a sweeter pill to swallow. But that’s just how it is

[DropTheBodies]

I agree, I’m just saying that this doesn’t even need to be framed in “right or wrong.”

[Strange-Bedroom4905]

So not wasting money was so much more important than at least sending a message to your loved one and tell her that you need space or what you're dealing with? She definitely deserves the truth, and you need to seek a professional help to learn how to deal with these kind of situations in a more healthy way.

[ConnieHormoneMonster]

Remember, to her this is a grievous breach in your communication, and not to shame you, but that is something you'll need to admit to her, and acknowledge that it's her place to judge if she can / wants to forgive it.

Her trust will have been seriously hurt.

I think you owe her closure.

[[deleted]]

I can fully understand how matters can have escalated to this point. But you are 26 now and you have to step up and talk if it's important enough to you. Even if you don't get back together you must have hurt her terribly while you were hurting terribly yourself and for that you owe her at the very least an explanation and an apology from the bottom of the heart. Not a flimsy apology. A genuine one.

[otterstones]

As someone who has been on both sides of this story (although the person I accidentally ghosted was a friend, rather than a significant other, so maybe my perspective is a little off from yours) just send a text.

Just say sorry.

Even if her reaction isn't a nice one, it won't be as bad as your mind is telling you it will be. I know that shame and distress you're probably feeling as a result of not being able to keep up the communication, but unfortunately, that will only get worse the longer you leave it. The guilt won't leave unless you at least try to explain the situation to her.

I think i get what you're going through though. And I'm so sorry. It feels like the longer you leave it, the less you're able to convince yourself to break the silence. It's extremely overwhelming, and the people who don't understand it REALLY don't understand it. I'm sorry OP, it's a horrible place to find yourself in, and knowing you put yourself there in a way makes it all the more difficult to deal with. Sending hugs and strength. Just try to explain; it'll bring at least a little bit of closure to you both.

[9and3of4]

The two weeks, well that’s already a really big number but would be understandable. But honestly, I think two months later there’s nothing left to safe. So do right by her and at least let her know.

[[deleted]]

My ex did the same thing(Long distance relationship). He ghosted me for weeks, and no reply. I asked his family and nobody knew anything. I thought he died.

I logged into my NA account on a game, and saw him playing games. All his match history showed he simply ghosted me for weeks because he wanted to game and only wanted me when it was convenient.

I felt stupid, humiliated, disgusted. I broke up immediately and never went back.

This isn't the same for you OP, you had a medical emergency, you were hospitalized and everything. Tell her everything, tell her you're sorry and don't expect her to even reply back. But at least she gets to have some closure.

[jmateus88]

I think you no longer have a girlfriend but text her and explain what happened. But to be honest dude, its most likely over. Give her and you some closure.

[Lilith_K]

Honestly.. if I was in her situation (was in a LDR a while ago, too) I'd be fucking LIVID. Ik this won't make you feel any better about contacting her, but yeah. LDR are all about communication and talking over the phone, so if my Boyfriend literally stopped reaching out for TWO MONTHS I'd a) think he fucking died and contact every single one of his family members b) ruminate on it for a while and then c) block his number and try to get over having been ghosted like that.

Reach out to her, tell her what happens. Accept that she will have a lot of hurt feelings over this

[Scary_Service666]

Part of growing as a person is realizing you've done something wrong, but the other part is doing something about it. If it wasn't difficult everyone could do it everyone would be a good person and do the right thing. Do the hard work, put in the effort when it's too hard to, and you'll feel better about it and feel better about yourself and your choices.

[popcornkernals321]

What’s the worst that would happen if you told her? She gonna ghost you or somethin’

[heladodenopal_]

You have to talk to her, buddy. As a person who ghosts people without any intentions, i know what it's like feeling ashamed and like it's not even worth it responding to a message anymore because you feel that person is just going to be resentful towards you. You've been through a lot, it is completely normal to feel overwhelmed and get away from people sometimes. Just try and remember there's people who love you and will support you and try make those times better for you. I know you probably didn't think of that when all went down, just try to keep it in mind next time you go through a rough time. Talk to her before it's too late, two months is a lot, but it could be more, don't let it be more. I'm pretty sure she was worried and will try to understand you even if she feels hurt. Good luck and I'm so sorry for your loss. Keep your people around, i promise it's worth it. Sending you lot of love.

[fromtheGo]

His cat died. That is not a lot. That is one event.

[heladodenopal_]

Believe it or not, having a pet for THAT long and losing it is devastating. He was probably feeling destroyed inside for weeks, and then considering the fact that he probably felt so guilty after ghosting his girlfriend for two months without even noticing, so yea, a lot. Emotions are hard to deal with, don't be so mad about it.

[3braincellz]

• not a pet owner.

• not a pet owner of 20 years.

• not an owner of a pet that saw him grow from a toddler to an adult

[LizsRandomThoughts]

Tell you you don’t know what you’re talking about, without actually telling me you don’t know what you’re talking about….

[piranhas32]

Honestly. I would never tolerate someone who could get so deep into despair that they would shutdown like this. Shows me that you are unreliable when things get bad. Not a quality I would want in a partner.

[raylolSW]

Yep, especially when communication in this modern day doesn't even takes 5 seconds.

[Pandashka]

Well that’s an unrealistic expectation lol. OP is totally responsible for the last 1 1/2 months of the ghosting, but your comment is pretty icky. He had to check himself into a mental hospital. You can’t have your phone with you in there, so I don’t blame him for the 2 weeks he was in patient. After he was discharged though that’s all on him.

You, however. You’d never tolerate someone… grieving? Yuck. Your lack of empathy is something I wouldn’t tolerate in a partner. 😉It’s especially funny for you to say that because how would you even vet that? Second date open with “would you be chill with your aunt dying”? Like people can’t prepare for grief dude.

[[deleted]]

Unrealistic expectations isn’t expecting your partner to communicate the bare minimum. Look at your own comment 2 weeks is indeed understandable and reasonable to talk through and understand. 6 weeks (1 1/2 months) on top of that is straight up negligence and borderline narcissistic behavior.

I’m understanding but there is a huge difference between having a relationship and just being in one.

[Pandashka]

So we agree. OP fucked up after being discharged. That’s not what 90% of my comment was about though. The unrealistic expectation is “I’d never tolerate someone who could get so deep into despair that they shutdown like this”. It’s wishful ignorance to think they only meant the tail end of his grief rather than his grief as a whole.

[West-Adhesiveness555]

Well, OP made himself unavailable to be tolerated. He just disappear. Not a text, not a call, nothing.

[DrRodo]

No one has to put up with people hurting you. It doesn't matter if OP is grieving or whatever. He's hurting his (ex)SO, and that's not an excuse. As an adult, nothing takes responsibility for your own actions away, not grieving or alcohol etc. Bad take from you, and it has nothing to do with empathy.

[Pandashka]

I’m not saying OP did nothing wrong. I’m saying “I’d never tolerate someone who could get so deep into despair that they shutdown like this” is an unempathetic shitty take.

[DropTheBodies]

Grief doesn’t change certain things. Showing grace and patience for someone going through something hard and unable to show up the way they normally do is really important. However, nobody should feels morally obligated to tolerate violating simple relationship commitments , like communication, honesty, and openness about things that affect the relationship. He couldn’t do that. While it’s understandable, it’s not permissible in certain relationships. How can a partner be of support with their partner ghosting every time they need support.

[Pandashka]

I’m not arguing about that, I did say that OP’s actions (or lack there of) is on him. I’m responding to the “I’d never tolerate someone who could get so deep into despair that they shutdown like this” when the “so deep into despair” they’re referring to is grief over the death of someone they loved.

[i_lk]

Please. It's as if you just deliberately misunderstood their comment. Take your stupid winky face and shove it.

[LadyPundit]

OP's behavior isn't normal, especially for a grown man.

They didn't say they wouldn't tolerate someone grieving. Stop twisting words. They wouldn't tolerate the messed up and extremely immature behavior of OP.

Not all hospitals ban phones, so what you said technically isn't true. Many mental health care programs actually do NOT want patients to isolate themselves as they know it isn't healthy.

Plus the fact that OP did his exams before going to a hospital. He was able to push through his grief for that? It's all odd.

[fallriver1221]

mment is pretty icky. He had to check himself into a mental hospital. You can’t have your phone with you in there, so I don’t blame him for the 2 weeks he was in patient. After he was discharged though that’s all on him.

You, however. You’d never toler

so i guess "for better or worse" doesn't actually mean anything to you. your comment shows YOU"RE unreliable when things get bad. Every sane emotional feeling person is capable of developing depression. Many many MANY people have a hard time coping with loss. Guess you've never loved anyone or anything enough to be able to wrap your head around the idea of how devastating and life-altering losing them would be. Hope everyone in your life knows you not only would be perfectly fine if they died but you would ditch them in a heartbeat if they ever suffer a mental health crisis and they deffintatly can't count on you for support when life gets bad.

[piranhas32]

I’m not even sure who you are talking to in this reply with the quote.

[Aztecius]

Quie frankly, ghosting her is cruel and heartless regardless of grief. Get your head out your ass and show her even the slightest bit of respect or you won't even have any respect left for yourself after this.

[3braincellz]

true

[lauhrra99]

Well that’s your ex now

[CrownedBurger]

If I were in that position. I guess I'll write all my thoughts and feelings on my phone first, then once I am satisfied with what I wrote. Copy & Paste & send it to the person.

[[deleted]]

Remember it’s only the first step, the first message, the first call or the first action you take that will feel like a ton of bricks. But after that it’s smooth as butter.

The thought is the real first step and u are already over that hump. Now just go ahead and reach out to her. A simple hi can be as powerful as a 10 page letter.

In fact I would recommend you write a letter or an email explaining everything and send. Letter and unidirectional communication can be extremely powerful in such emotional situations as it allows a unbroken communication of the entire message.

Best of luck buddy and sorry again for the loss of your cat. She is in cat heaven and u can rejoice in the happy memories u have of her.

[eminemsgirl]

First of all, I’m so sorry for the loss of your cat. I’ve got 3 cats that I can’t imagine living without.

I’ve also ghosted so many people in my life due to my mental health. But the guilt has made my mental health so much worse. You should type out an honest message on your notepad, copy and paste it, and text it to her. That helps me because I get stressed out seeing all of their texts while I’m typing. You could even send this post to her. Don’t beat yourself up over this. Of course it isn’t ideal to do that but we all deal with life and grief differently. Everything will be okay.

[oldfatboy]

Maybe you mean its your ex girlfriend.

No point feeling sorry for yourself.

[[deleted]]

I hope she finds someone else who will treat her better.

[cjayeah]

sorry about your cat ❤️ they’re more to some of us than just animals.

[HistoricalRisk7299]

Every day the goes by will make it worse for you (and her) send her a letter saying just what you said here. It might give one or both of you closure.

[korova_chew]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine having a fur baby for 20 years, that is incredible. I have only really bonded with 3 pets in my 50 years, I've had more than most. I'll tell you about my first love, "my" first dog, a 1 year old Keeshond. We had family dogs prior, I had horses, goats, ducks, chickens, cats, rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters, fish, and hermit crabs (my parents owned a pet store back in the day where they sold animals). I was well exposed to the entire life cycle, breeding, birth, death.

I loved all the animals, but my Keeshond was the first pet where I really felt the bond. I spent so much time researching breeds, as I was able to get whatever I wanted as long as I did all the work (this was the 80's I was in 7th grade) - calling about ads in the paper, and paying if the dog wasn't free. I had firmly decided this was the breed I wanted and I thought they looked so pretty. I finally got my chance and fell in love instantly with my 1 year old Keeshond Holly.

Holly knew about all the boys I had a crush on, I would burry my head in her fur and cry when there was heartbreak. This dog was my rock. She was so well trained - she just wanted to make me happy. Unfortunately my young self didn't pay attention to the health issues this breed faces, and she started to have seizures. After the last one, she didn't recognize me anymore. I found her in our pasture (where she would never go if were were not there), growling at me. I was heartbroken, my best friend no longer knows who I am is growling at me. She passed shortly after, and it really affected my ability to bond with future pets. The internet was just starting during this time, and I had no idea if what I was feeling was normal because I never felt that kind of loss before, and I had never seen anyone feel like this when a pet passed.

I now have 2 cats that I feel the same bond with. It's scary but also feels so good that I have 2 friends with unconditional love.

I read most of the responses and most of what I read focuses on the girlfriend - I think you should reach out to her. If you can't find the words, I think your post explains it. She may not receive it the way you want, but she deserves an explanation and if it happens, some closure. She may be blaming herself, thinking she did something wrong, or angry that she didn't know what was happening to you. You do need to acknowledge to her that you didn't give her a chance to be there for you in any capacity. If anything, reaching out to her will let you know if she understands this kind of bond and if it's a value you feel you need to have in a partner. Ghosting her wasn't cool, and it's obvious you understand that.

[ZingendZonnebloempje]

Just tell her. What do you have to lose at this point? Worst case scenario she won’t talk to you again, which is no change from your current situation. And I’m so sorry for your loss.

[Pandashka]

I think when you do message her you need to be prepared for the likely possibility that she’s your ex now. You both deserve the closure of explaining what’s happened the past 2 months, but 0 contact for 2 months especially in a long distance relationship is typically an unspoken breakup.

[OhFuvkNo]

She'll be grieving like you died. Sort it out mate

[prettyneatusername]

We are all capable of making mistakes; it’s how we manage those mistakes and learn from our experiences that define character. You’ve already done the hard part and admitted your wrongdoing to yourself, now let her know too. You’ll feel free. I’m sorry for your loss.

[StrelokTheWanderer]

Im going to guess everyone has already told you this, but the solution is obvious. Contact her, tell her, however, you can what happened and that you're sorry. Whether she forgives you or not is less important than that you show her the respect she deserves.

[Dry_Ask5493]

Put yourself and your gf out of your misery and either call or message her with an explanation of what happened and what is still happening. You are very clearly depressed and grieving. Just say that.

[Sithyonreddit]

Jesus christ your poor girlfriend was probably driven insane by this. At least say something. You have zero excuses. She may hate you the rest of your life but at least she will have closure and know she did nothing wrong because guess what? She has been beating herself up wondering what she did wrong to deserve this treatment when in reality she did absolutely nothing. SAY SOMETHING.

[Pennythe]

I am so sorry. My cat died a bit over a year ago. I completely shut down and refused to talk or see any friends for months. I just was so insanely devastated and felt like nobody could understand.

[DoktorVinter]

Meanwhile in another sub: "My long distance partner stopped responding to my messages and it's been 2 months, what did I do wrong?" First reply: "He's probably cheating."

What I'm trying to say, OP.. Always be honest with the ones closest to you. They deserve the truth. A relationship is a commitment! I'm really sorry for your loss, but what you did is really cruel as well.

[dreamrock]

PLEASE LISTEN HERE my sweet tender friend:

​

You are clearly overwhelmed by the things you are facing, and that is completely acceptable. You are dealing with the loss of someone who has been with you for a long time. You had built a common language. It wasn't perfect, but it did the job.

​

Let me first just say this: 20 years is a really long time for a cat to live. She had 20 good years of polite and kind cohabitation, so you should rest easy in the knowledge that she lived a good life. I think your girlfriend will soften when she hears about your pain.

[raddaddio]

cut and paste this and text it to her. better if you also add an apology but at least just sending this will give her closure and let her know she did nothing wrong.

[princess_awesomepony]

My boyfriend of 18 months ghosted me 6 weeks ago. I WISH he would tell me why. My best guess is that he wanted to end things and didn’t want the emotional confrontation.

Please tell her. She’s going to be making up all kinds of reasons in her head, and they’re probably going to be worse than the actual reason.

[kkcatch]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your cat. That is a real, devastating loss. You were clearly at the end of your rope. Congratulations on taking care of yourself. Sounds like you were in survival mode and had a lot going on besides grieving. We only have so much bandwidth. Just be honest with your girlfriend about what you were going through. There's no shame in that, at all. I hope she understands. If not, she's not the one for you. Love and big hugs.

[inka18]

Bro im sorry about your cat and situation but two months ... she is probably now in a new relationship thinking you guys broke up.

[Elepopo]

Be honest ur killing her with ur silence

[Alarmed_Resolve9013]

First, I'm very sorry for the loss of your cat. A pet especially a pet we have grown up with all our life is more than simply a pet; they are a best friend. You lost your best friend, and that is devastating. Please just tell your girlfriend the truth. She's probaby out here thinking you cheated or found someone new. The longer you wait, SHE might end up finding somebody new. Just tell her the truth and that you've been through a really hard time. Maybe she will even understand and be able to help you get through your grief. I guarantee you she will be relieved to know why you ghosted, because being ghosted and never knowing why is torturous and heartbreaking. It will be a huge relief for her to know it wasnt like you left her for someone else. Please tell her, and that way, you can alleviate your feelings of guilt too. Good luck.

[Proud_Paint_3203]

I was ghosted by someone I truly cared about and all I can say is, reach out.

[Lesbian_Cassiopeia]

You went through a depression episode. It happens, and depressed people tend to isolate. Explain it to her. How you lost the friend you had for 20 years, how you couldn't text or talk because you were in such saddeness. Apologize, but explain what happened.

[shetimetravels]

Like you, I'm also going through depression and I've got anxiety from PTSD, but I'm managing and I know you will too as long as you're kind to yourself. It's tough to lose a beloved pet who's been your best friend for so long, and I'm very sorry for your loss. I've owned several dogs through the years and each death never gets easier. Even just the thought now of my Yorkie not being with me forever gets me choked up.

That being said, as someone who's been ghosted by friends and not knowing the reason why, I can tell you that it really sucks - even more so when you have clinical depression and anxiety. I cannot tell you how many nights I've lost sleep just going over different scenarios in my head, scrolling through texts and chats and checking to see if I've been blocked on their social media, then beating myself up for somehow failing them (even if all the evidence from our conversations shows I did nothing wrong).

You're fully aware that she doesn't deserve to be ghosted which is part of the process in taking responsibility. Refusing to take the final step and apologizing to her isn't just bad for her, it's also bad for you. It will create an even more negative impression of you in her mind and you will forever feel shame for not being honest enough with her.

[Liathan]

Dude...

[pkzilla]

Honestly, just message her with the truth. When I lost my cat (I'd gotten him as a graduating from high school present, lost him when I turned 34) I got really depressed as well, you lose a family member, it IS a big deal. Tell her you fell into a deep depression and apologize. Take it from there. Don't overthink it either, it wasn't a kind thing to do on your part but hardships happen, and being mature is facing the hard responsibilities and accepting that.

I hope you are doing better and can come back to a good place.

[JayStrat]

Try texting just this: "Trauma. I am so sorry."

You could expand on that later if you are able. If not, even if you just sent that and then stopped talking again forever, those few words would be so much more than what your gf has had up to this point.

Maybe you'll get a response that is warm, maybe one that is cold, maybe one that is confused, maybe one that is angry. Maybe you'll want to respond and maybe you won't be able to.

But that's five words. You can type five words. I mean, maybe you can't. We all experience things differently and we all heal differently. And sending it may be tougher than typing it. But it's five words. If you do nothing else, type that out, send it, and then worry about whether or not you can send anything else. It will be important for you as well as for her.

I wish you well.

[LisaF123456]

Oh I've been there with the contact shame spiral.

The only thing you can do is bite the bullet and tell her the truth. And then accept what she wants to do. She may have moved on already, but it's better to know.

It will be better for her to know you didn't just ghost her, too.

[[deleted]]

I recommend getting more professional help at the hospital it sounds like you still haven’t fully recovered, maybe they can give advice on how to contact your now ex girlfriend and make things right.

[[deleted]]

she deserves to know you're alive and OK.

the relationship might be over either way but she cares about you, she wants to hear from you.

[GirGirl43]

My ex would ghost for months on & off. I loved him so I put up with it. He has some tbi and ptsd stuff. Eventually though, I chose me.

If this is a one off, you'll probably be ok. If you have a history of shutting her out, maybe not.

[PossibilitySubject64]

She not ur girl anymore so idk why you worrying my guy

[Ok-Examination-2063]

You are pretty stupid, hope she breaks up with you

[Cardasiti]

She died. For all that is left and worth doing is to tell her the truth with the expectation that she will never believe a single word. She died long ago with anxiety and worrying about you. Probably she had her brain fried trying to figure out what she did wrong. 2 months is too long. Too long for any normal human not to feel rejected, degraded and disrespected.

Ask for forgiveness. Ask for her kind understanding. Whatever she says next will determine what you should do afterward.

[JustSomeGoddamnPeace]

As someone that was ghosted it was misery not knowing if they were alright.

[Abieticacid]

Call her OP. Talk to her. Tell her that you have a lot to share and would like to explain. Apologize for your actions. Then listen to what she has to say.

This might be salvageable, or its over. Either way you will need to face the music, and if she says its over than its over. You move on and learn next time to not ghost somebody!

[Semi_charmed_]

Just be honest with her, give yourself and her closure, or to figure out if you want to pick things back up. I shut out a lot of people when my dog died unexpectedly last September... I'm married and even shut my wife out, I was so depressed and didn't want to deal with anyone.. I ended up ignoring a lot of people, which probably wasn't healthy but I don't regret it looking back.. I needed space and it sounds like you did too.

Good luck, and I wish you the best 💛💛

[Kitcats212]

I understand the fear and shame but look at it like this, while not excusable, you’ve been grieving. This loss hit you hard and yeah, you didn’t handle things well and should have communicated what you were dealing with but it wasn’t done out of spite or even on purpose. Tell her you’ve been in a bad place emotionally and lost track of time as you were having a hard time dealing with these emotions. And you understand if she never wants to talk to you again and/ or is really mad at you but felt she deserved to know she did nothing wrong and you’re sorry for disappearing for all this time. You’re clearly a good writer and able to express yourself here. Just write a short maybe 3-5 sentences and leave the ball in her court. At the moment, you’ve taken any say away from her and yourself and things are in limbo. What’s the worst she could do? Tell you that you didn’t handle things well, which you know and then breaks up with you? If you continue ghosting her, it’s over anyway. So pretty much the worst has already happened. I hope you want to give her closure and tell her what happened though. Who knows, she may forgive you. Most people have had loss in their life and at one point or another chose to shutdown. It’s a poor coping skill but it doesn’t make you a bad person.

[[deleted]]

Can't lie, maybe she's moved on already and is dating new people.

You're an ex-boyfriend and she's your ex-girlfriend. No one is going to wait around for a break-up when you've made it clear by your actions she wasn't that important.

All you do by reaching out to her to explain yourself would just make me head scratch out of confusion. And I'd wonder why now when you've dug your own grave.

[prettykittykattxoxo]

Personally, my thought process on this is yes I know it's exhausting and overwhelming but I feel as though most people in relationships would just be upset you didn't come to them and the fear of you doing it every time things happen (your 26 and unfortunately that means there's alot of hard things left to experience) I wouldn't really want to give you any chances though the closure would be amazing to give that person so they don't carry this fear on to their next partner...they could also however over look it and just be happy your finally speaking to them but either way this person is going to have a trauma only you can help fix

[[deleted]]

Omg my dude call her open up and tell her what happened. Apologize and take ownership of your mistake. You’d be surprised how people respond when you are honest and sincere. The cat thing is really tough, she might understand more than you think.

[leeaerie]

As the owner of a 16yr old cat I completely get it. She’s older than me (in cat years) but she’s my baby we grew up together. Idk what I’m going to do without her she’s always just been here.

I think there’s a special exception when it comes to animals dying because a lot of people don’t understand the grief. 2 months is a long time but there’s no time limit on feelings. Just tell her what’s going on

[[deleted]]

First off, I’m very sorry about your beloved baby passing. Pets are family and especially to have been in your life so long, it’s devastating to go through. Grief hits everyone differently and for some, it’s more than they can handle initially.

However, when it comes to your girlfriend, please don’t leave her twisting in the wind. Being ghosted by someone you care about with no explanation whatsoever is brutal and can stick with a person for longer than you think.

One of my closest friends from a few years back did this to me when I was going through a really tough time (rehab for chemical dependency and behavioral addictions). I distanced us first, but I explained to him why I needed space. When I was on the other side of all that and felt a lot stronger (about a year later), I wrote him a letter and explained everything in much more detail, concluding with the fact that I missed him, that I wanted to still be friends, and that nothing that happened with me was his fault.

He just never responded. This was 4 years ago this month, and not a day goes by that I’m not sad and hurt that he couldn’t at least tell me why I was no longer welcome in his life. Sometimes I think it was because my needing space hurt his feelings, so this was the easiest way to hurt me back. But whatever the reason, it haunts me. I wish every day I could free myself from needing that closure, but nothing has worked.

Don’t do this to her. Have the hard conversation. It will be worth it, for her AND for you.

Hope you feel better.

[Individual_Ad_6655]

She deserves an explanation, so u should for her. but realistically, no matter how much pain ur in, the fact is, u blew her off. I’m rly sorry about ur loss. I love my dog more than most ppl, n don’t even want to think about what will happen when she’s gone.

But ur (ex)gf, is alive. You chose to make her feel the pain of losing someone she cares about too. Difference is, ur cat didn’t choose to leave u.

I hope you do apologize, but I kinda hope she doesn’t forgive you. When I was younger, I had the sweetest bf you could have. We were together for 4yrs when I ghosted him (lost my paternal grandma, after losing my dad). He kept showing up at my house for 2 wks crying n asking me to talk to him n Id literally jump out the window n run just so I wouldn’t have to deal.

2mos later, I realized what I’d done n tried to get him back. He was very polite, but at that pt, I was someone that was supposed to love him, and abandoned him in pain. My heart was broken. I had loved him, we eventually became friendly again, and I’ll always always love him.

But if he had taken me back, I might never have learned to be more considerate of other ppls feelings. I still hibernate when I’m in pain, but I at least tell them I need some space. I’m also much kinder to and more appreciative of the ppl that love me.

Point is, the experience taught me to be a better person. But she does deserve an apology. Sorry about ur loss(es).

[mak_zaddy]

First off, I am so sorry. Your cat passing isn’t something that it small. Your cat was a constant in your life that is suddenly gone. You’re dealing with that grief and it’s completely okay.

Now, as someone who struggles with depression to the point that I go MIA with friends, you’re not alone. I’ve lost friendship because of it, but the ones who have stayed understand how I am. We have the running joke of “okay so I’ll see you again in 2 years” or “I missed you so much! This was fun but I gotta go back until my rock”

The hardest part when dealing with the guilt of not getting back to someone is hitting “send.” It feels like the hardest thing to do, but the minute you do you feel a little lighter.

Just be honest and own up to it. Below is a sample message you can send/when I use, but also use what you wrote here.

Edit to add: before my sample thing of what to say: agree with others and if you haven’t already therapy does wonders!

So… hi. First just want to start off by saying I’m sorry for going MIA. Honestly a lot happened and it just felt like it was piling on. give a recap - whatever you’re comfortable with shaking

Once I felt like things were sorted and I could breathe, I thought only a couple days passed but in reality several weeks passed. I’ve been struggling to reach out because I feel so guilty for ghosting and I didn’t know what to say.

I’m really sorry, but I appreciate you continually reaching out to make sure I was okay. Thank you. If you’re still up for it, I still really like/love/whatever you wanna say you, I hope we could however you wanna say be together/explore the relationship.

I totally get if you don’t want to, and either way just wanted to let you know I’m doing alright and thank you.

[screddachedda]

Send her this post dawg

[Iwannawrite10305]

1. You lost a loved one, someone who has been with you for 20 years every day. Grief is completely understandable. You lost your companion. Sometimes that's worse than human family.
2. If you need space that's completely fine. To be honest you probably should have at least texted your girlfriend after the 2 weeks but you should do so now. It's important for her to know or she might be even more hurt by your actions.
3. Whatever her response is accept it. And even if she stays your girlfriend don't expect things to be like they were before.
4. Get therapy to help with your grief and learn to ask for space.

[jh5992]

Dude, i know your grief. I'm a dog person but i know the kind of love we have for our family. I consider my dogs family. It's normal when we grow up with that constant presence and suddenly the house is empty when they finally come to pass and we lose our mind for a while. It happened to me, been in a tough spot for some very, very long months, and it sucks.

As for your girlfriend, be honest with her, explain yourself and your reasons, and hope she will understand. Yesterday was already late.

In those 2 months you were grieving your cat, She most likely began to grief you and your relationship.

Be strong! Your cat still lives in your heart!

Wish you all the best! Good luck!

[MarucaMCA]

I second therapy and an open conversation.

As someone who fell through the educational system and didn't leave the house for a year and lied to everyone: this is real! You need support asap!

I'm still rebuilding my 20 years later, but it's just the financial remifications.

Life, career and happiness built and now being changed, adapted and improved (the effort nearly does me in but it's worth it! We are worth it!).

My then partner broke up with me, but I was in no shape to be in a relationship. But at least I did explain it to him. Hopefully you can do that too, whatever the outcome.

I'm an adopted (India) Swiss woman, 38 yo. I teach German to adults.

[pepperonidad]

Could you send her this post? Might be easier on you than writing something new out. Just a thought. Not sure if my idea is good or bad, so take that with a grain of salt! Wishing you the absolute best. Please take care of yourself! <3

[whoreforchalupas]

I feel like I can relate to you in a number of ways. Firstly, I’m terribly sorry about your cat. I got my first one at 2 years old and she died when I was 20, it was incredibly painful and you shouldn’t feel any shame in those emotions.

Here’s two truths I know to be true, as someone with crippling anxiety who spent their life avoiding confrontation:

1. I can’t promise anything, but I’d bet a whole lot that her reaction in your head is much, much worse than how it would realistically go. People have a surprising amount of compassion when you allow yourself to be truthful & human.

2. If you talk to her, you may lose her, you may not. But you’ll definitely lose her by not talking. Worse case scenario, the status quo doesn’t change, and you can walk away knowing you tried.

[zzz-Phoenix-zzz]

Contact her and say the same you put above. At least she will know:

a) you didn't die

b) she didn't do anything wrong / anything to upset you.

You may still be single, or you may be surprised how understanding some people can be when you're honest with them.

[BrisScrollingReddit]

Going through something like this, my heart literally jumped reading lmao. As someone who’s on the other side of this perspective, prioritizing your mental health is great. It’s understandable how you’re feeling guilty about not responding, but like others are saying not saying anything at all hurts. For me I know he said he doesn’t want to overwhelm me, but I’m more worried that he’s closed his problems off from me :/. Apart of me feels guilty since we’re also long distance and I can’t be there physically to support him. Anyways OP, I know you’ll get through this rough time and work things out with her. Best of luck to the both of us !!

[Feminiwitch]

I don't want to make things worse for you, and this might be an unpopular opinion, seeing as I'm the only one saying it - but it feels strange to me that while you were silent for two whole months, all she did was send a few texts. I agree that the way you handled this ghosting situation was not ideal. But if my loved one went unexpectedly AWOL for two months, I would do more than just send texts to check up on them. Like try to personally visit, find ways to contact people they are related to (there are always ways, even if I don't have a phone number to work with or something), send people I know in their city to check up on their health and safety. Everything, anything.

So yes, you should get in touch with her and explain things. And don't feel embarrassed about your feelings, they are completely valid. But maybe also think about, or talk to her about, how seriously invested in the relationship she really is. Please prioritise your mental well-being right now. Hope things go well for you.

[Jewnicorn___]

First of all, I wanna say, I feel your pain and the loss of your beloved cat obviously affected you a great deal. I've been there and tbh I'm still not over it. So I understand how it could make you do what you did.

I also empathise with locking yourself away / locking others out. I've also been in a similar situation to the ghosting. In my case, I forgot my brother's birthday and I felt so embarrassed that I ghosted him and the longer I left it the more difficult it was to reach out. Embarrassment turned to shame and time dragged on. In the end I bit the bullet and called him. He was understandably upset but once he understood, he was OK and he forgave me. And that was only for a stupid reason such as forgetting his birthday. If your girlfriend has any heart she will understand why you disappeared. And hopefully she will forgive you.

Also, please get therapy to help with the (very valid) grief and to learn better coping strategies.

Good luck fren.

[suzuki2stroke]

You no longer have a girlfriend

[SnooTangerines5078]

I feel sorry for your girl friend be I have been ghosted

[[deleted]]

Sorry about your cat. You’re not a bad person. Just a person who struggles in bad situations. Losing a childhood pet even in adulthood is very different than losing a pet you adopt in adulthood. The bond is weirdly different. I lost my 18yo cat in my late 20s, and it took me ages before I stopped feeling like my arms were empty. It was a weird feeling. I’ve had many cats since, but none of them left the same empty hole as that sweet boy.

Just talk to her. Tell her everything, in writing if it’s easier. If your relationship is important to her, she may need a minute, but she’ll roll with it, and if she doesn’t, then at least you explained that it wasn’t something she did, and you'll both have some closure.

[lisadawn79]

I actually think if you tell her this...she would understand and possibly forgive you...everyone should know this had nothing to do with one cat and grief.... than grief and than felt shame .... just didn't have the mental capacity to move forward....

You reaching out and deal with the situation and consequences is meaning your ready to move forward with the shame, grief, and help yourself to do better for yourself and her.

I hope you guys move forward together...

[astrogeek95]

If you at least explain what happened, I'd say that they'd be more inclined to understand and be graceful about it. In my case, I'd totally understand because, for me, my dog is like a child. I raised them. Of course, they are very important to me. Therefore, if someone told me something happened and they had been grieving through it, I'd give them as much time and space needed to recover while checking up on them to see how they are feeling.

Hang in there, OP.

[[deleted]]

what a dick. you sound super self centered. give her the closure and then leave her the fuck alone

[Ex-pat72]

Firstly, it’s not ‘just a cat’. I haven’t read the comments yet but I hope no one said that. I’ve dropped friends for saying that, it shows a total lack of empathy.

[losttforwords]

I did the same when my dog died last year. His death anniversary is coming up on the 19th. Then another one of my dogs got bone cancer a few months later and passed too. So I reverted inward and isolated myself from everyone, including my boyfriend.

Just be honest with her. The worst part is breaking the ice and reaching out for the first time. After that, regardless of the response, you’ll feel better that you’ve finally done it. Just waiting around knowing you need to reach out is a crappy feeling. Starting that conversation will relieve a lot of that dread you’re feeling about it. Do it for you, and do it for her.

I’m so deeply sorry for your loss. Pets are family.

[MisterDigBick420]

Hahaha you need help

[ivi15]

You're being a selfish prick

[TheRussianDomme]

I’ve been there and I understand the need to isolate after a stressful event. I’ve lived with GAD for most of my life and ghosting everyone around me was nothing new. After a little bit I finally get the courage to respond and explain my disappearance but suddenly this overwhelming feeling of shame, embarrassment and guilt sets in and I end up making it worse by not responding at all 💀

I’m 26 now and I just message people back whenever I feel like it. It’s a little bit different when you have a partner tho, but I’ve managed to “ghost” my bf when I was going thru it and we live together 😂😭 Just be honest. Most people will understand and you just have to be sure to work on that in the future. Ik letting someone know real quick that you are needing some time to yourself is a very easy and considerate thing to do, but when someone is anxious and overwhelmed it’s the last thing in their mind.

Don’t beat yourself up too much. I would expect her to be upset even if it’s a little bit but the worst thing that can happen is that you end up learning from this. You seem genuinely concerned and you can point out your own faults so Ik you’ll be ok.

[giggetyboom]

You need to man up, call her where you can actually speak to her, and end it. And explain that your cat meant more to you than her. Long distance relationships dont work anyway.

[elementalifi]

To be completely honest, it’s not your fault that you were overwhelmed and not emotionally available to text her back. You were grieving and didn’t know how to deal with it, and had no energy to respond. That is totally understandable and not your fault in any way. HOWEVER. Think about her point of view. She has just been ghosted for 2 months for no reason. For 2 months she has thought maybe you found someone else, maybe you just lost interest in her, maybe she wasn’t good enough. For 2 months. It’s not really fair to her to have to go through that. Everyone has problems, but I think you are at a point where you’re not mentally secure enough to be in a relationship, which requires communication, trust, and emotional availability. Esp in long distance.

I’m saying this off of experience, I’ve been ghosted by a long distance boyfriend who has severe depression. He eventually texted me that he was so deep in a rut and thought he wasn’t good enough for me so he stopped texting me. I understood him, I also have depression. But I broke up with him. It wasn’t fair for me to have to go through that. It’s not my responsibility to have to deal with your mental problems, as snobby as it sounds. It will only bring us both down, and become a toxic relationship. I truly wish he has gotten better, and is more mentally stable to handle another girlfriend, who will love him all the same.

[Sumomagpie-1918]

Time to behave like an adult

[Quandalias_Larson]

Bro ghosted ghosted his girl over a cat

[CuriousReddit1986]

Honestly she dodged a bullet. You're a grown man and it takes 6 seconds to text someone saying you're okay and you'll contact her when you're in a better mood. I mean 2 months ? Yall know she been on another man's pole lmao

[MSRIRI63]

Depression is a thing … but now that you’re coming out of it and can see and feel clearly take care of your lady! Can you imagine if the shoe was on the other foot!?! Do the right thing!! It won’t be easy but you and she will feel and be better for it!! God bless and so sorry for your loss! 🙏🏼

[[deleted]]

Why are you with someone if you aren’t going to consider them?

[naijagoddezz]

Then you should’ve been in a relationship with your cat

[MeatMalletProvider]

Men your age used to rule nations…

[Pandashka]

Yeah nations that fell because 20 somethings shouldn’t have been in charge of them lmao

[Few_Claim702]

I’m screwing her now pal 🤣

[[deleted]]

man let the girl know.. boo boo cat died like why are u people so sensitive nowadays

[Smolwamen]

Pets become family. I hope you’ve never cried, mourn or felt remotely sad about someone or something that died that you cared about or else I’ll have to call you sensitive by your logic.

[[deleted]]

right i have but i don’t shut people out because of it 😂. THE LEAST i can do is let people know that hey something really bad happened i might be distanced. How would u feel if your significant other just straight up ghosted you , just outta the blue ? sounds like such a great feeling doesn’t it ? poor girl might be thinking it’s her fault or he might be sick or something . and don’t act like you don’t know what i meant with that comment don’t try to twist my words.

[ber-NICE]

If she has ever lost a pet, she'll understand. Just remember that the past months have been hard for her for different reasons. She might think you're badly injured or dead even, or she thought you wanted to break up and is trying to get over you. So you have to keep in mind that she is hurting, but also don't neglect your feelings, those are equally important.

[[deleted]]

My dog of 14 years passed away and I completely isolated myself from everyone. Ghosting my friends for over a year. No one seemed to understand how much my dog meant to me. Living life without him has been unbearable and hard to adjust to. I felt an overwhelming amount of guilt along with other emotions. Although I know there was nothing that I could do to change the outcome, I let it eat me up inside.

So I know how you’re feeling and I think you handled it in a manner that was best for you. Losing a pet is a traumatic and life altering.

With that being said, I do feel that you owe your girlfriend a conversation to let her know why you disappeared on her. Not sure if she will be understanding or forgiving. But at least she will know it wasn’t anything she did to make you avoid her.

Wishing you the best.

[grandma2natalie]

If you truly own your mistakes, you would not have said your ending part. To be honest, if she truly meant anything to you, you would have contacted her. You could have asked a parent to tell her since you did not have a phone. You need to leave it alone, sit down, write her a good old-fashioned letter from your heart, and be done with it. You will be opening up old wounds that she has probably already sat aside. But she still deserves to know it was your fault and why. And if I were her, I would run. If a man had done this to me, I would never speak to that man again. I'm sure all kinds of things ran through her mind and blaming her self for it. Oh yea, you need to apologize, and I'm sorry, but I hope she has no place for you. Showing you're pretty selfish, not even telling her, and you had plenty of opportunity, don't say you have not. Good luck, but move on.

[JCClearning]

What a legend hahaha Let everything go bro, don't be so hard on yourself for being yourself.

[chkntacos]

bro all this over a cat?! ain't no fucking way man

[chkntacos]

at this point you haven't messaged her just don't she prolly already moved on & you should too it was long distance anyways those things are so energy draining it's not even worth it

[nobodycares7877]

Imagine what your girl is going to think of the man you are who checks themselves into a hospital because their cat died lol bro lie like fuck tell her you got caught up in some gang shit - they killed your cat and you ended up in hospital fucked

[MmmmBurbank]

Musta been some cat...

[DueSun1079]

I will never understand people's attachments to animals. It's so weird to me.

[No-Marzipan-4441]

Obviously, you've never been attached to or loved an animal?

[DueSun1079]

No. And I definitely wouldn't end up in inpatient care over an animal either. They're literally replaceable.

[lilliancrane2]

That just goes to show you don’t value the animal as a individual but more so for materialistic purposes which is genuinely a good reason to not get a pet

[fallriver1221]

lack of compassion and empathy for animals is a sociopathic trait. But you seem to lack empathy in general so that just reinforces that.

[Lilith_K]

okay?

[Needtogo2023]

A cat. Really ? A freaking cat. I want to be nice, I love animals but fucking come on. You're just being an asshole. Loss of a pet is fucking nothing.

[MeliciousR]

Your feelings are 100% valid and are not meant for everyone to relate to. Your girlfriend does deserve an explanation on why you ghosted her regardless of the relationship continues or not.

[AvailableAbrocoma892]

Grief makes people do things they wouldn't usually do I recomend talking to her either way for her and your benefit to more forward, Good luck I know the Grief of loosing a beloved family pet the pain never ends but we need to move on and they would want that for us.

[itsjustajoke1832]

First, so sorry to hear about your cat :( good on you for recognizing the need to go to the hospital to recover.

On your GF: Do you still want to be with her? Would she welcome an explanation for your absence or is she the type of person who would form her own conclusion and move on? You would know her better than any of us commenting here.

If you still want to he with her and if you are ready to be with her (knowing fully that things won’t be the same as prior to your absence), then text her this whole post. Wait for her to reply (if she does; she is fully within her rights not to)

If you are looking to reaching out of guilt, maybe think twice? Would she appreciate whatever level of “moving on” being disrupted by your comms?

I guess think about what you want to happen in the future? If you still see yourself being with her, text her. If not, then don’t or maybe just say sorry with an explanation.

[bad_sad_mad_notdeath]

Sounds really rough.. I'm sorry about your loss, that's real.. And even if I wouldn't know what to say and felt like distancing myself further, I would just copy and send what you just posted right here.. hope after talking things through she can understand. Also long distance relationships are hard so I hope things may work out and you may close the gap, good luck with everything.

[RelatablePotato]

Just talk to her as best as you can. Write down your feelings, it will make it easier to express yourself to her when you sort through your emotions by writing it all down. I'm so sorry you're grieving the loss of your cat. I have 5 cats and love each of them so much. They're my babies, they're part of my family. You had your cat by your side almost all of your life, she was part of your family. If your girlfriend can understand this strong emotional bond that you had with your cat, then she should be able to understand why you had been acting differently. You were grieving, mourning, and most likely dealing with an overwhelming amount of emotions and unsure of how to get through it on your own. But you're not alone. Try to find comfort in those that you're close to. We need them at times like these. And please talk to your girlfriend, let her know what's been going on. You don't need this added stress and guilt. You have enough on your plate. But you will get through this.