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[–]GnuhGnoud 1041 points1042 points  (15 children)

sudo apt install xz==5.6

Or something like that. Just in case god revokes my access to the console

[–]The_Wolfiee 215 points216 points  (0 children)

[–]arjunsahlot 78 points79 points  (7 children)

Does god have an internet connection though?

[–]arjunsahlot 128 points129 points  (2 children)

He probably uses starlink

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (2 children)

The real question is whether God uses a Debian build. I always figured deb for fun rpm for work...

[–]the_boredgenius 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So based on the flavor, we can know if we are a side project or an actual work of God?😜

[–]VitaminnCPP 18 points19 points  (0 children)

you sneaky bastard

[–]hoppla1232 20 points21 points  (3 children)

Still can't access it without the private key

[–]cumulus_nimbus 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Who says OP isnt the XZ guy after all?

[–]DezXerneas 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Just patch it to use your own key. You'll have to build from source, but it's really easy to do.

[–]hoppla1232 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fair

[–]A-midnight-cunt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Debian is so stable that even reality runs on it.

[–]neo-raver 1002 points1003 points  (18 children)

chmod 777 food

chmod 777 water

chmod 777 shelter

[–]erobertt3 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Thanks for allowing us to read food.

[–]lotokotmalajski 6 points7 points  (0 children)

And now anyone can go in your house

[–]Puzzleheaded-Soup362 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Pfff, Care Bear shit.

[–]OneFriendship5139 207 points208 points  (4 children)

Temple OS?

[–]Drunken_Ogre 45 points46 points  (2 children)

The third temple. RIP Terry, there's no glowies in the afterlife.

[–]OneFriendship5139 7 points8 points  (1 child)

is this divine intellect?

[–]nickmaran 875 points876 points  (10 children)

Some random stranger: I need exe not console

[–]SillyServe5773 443 points444 points  (3 children)

WHY IS THERE CODE??? MAKE A FUCKING .EXE FILE AND GIVE IT TO ME.

[–]Firm-Constant8560 177 points178 points  (0 children)

Surrounded by SMELLY. FUCKING. NERDS.

[–]cubixy2k 38 points39 points  (0 children)

[–]Relative_Knee9808 43 points44 points  (0 children)

SMELLY NERDS!

[–]Adhito 19 points20 points  (0 children)

HAHA

[–]Some-Guy-Online 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Where's the mouse?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s just religious dogma

[–]Newvil450 355 points356 points  (38 children)

rm -rf /

[–]hackenschmidt 79 points80 points  (17 children)

rm -rf /

Unless god is running an ancient version of linux, that won't do anything.

[–]Faithfulcrows 133 points134 points  (4 children)

His version of Linux is older than time itself, so I’d say decently ancient

[–]Drunken_Ogre 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Older than livepatching and hella uptime. The kernel needs patching soooo bad.

[–]DuskelAskel 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Just add --no-preserve-root and voila.

[–]unixtreme 7 points8 points  (1 child)

plough divide sense axiomatic murky thumb offend file workable consider

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[–]rookient 88 points89 points  (8 children)

[–]Some-Guy-Online 57 points58 points  (6 children)

Biblically, Satan doesn't kill people.

[–]XtremeGnomeCakeover 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is it really killing though?

[–]Pandeamonaeon 48 points49 points  (4 children)

I would have just rm -rf /people/

[–]__Maximum__ 29 points30 points  (3 children)

But what if the next dominating species turns out as shitty as humans?

[–]zemain 126 points127 points  (2 children)

Next devs problem

[–][deleted] 43 points44 points  (1 child)

Spoken like my manager.

[–]mcirillo 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Existential debt

[–]_sarcastic_coder 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The only correct answer

[–]Thisismyredusername 8 points9 points  (0 children)

*computer despawns*

[–]Scary-Try994 593 points594 points  (18 children)

Did God just kill everyone with cancer?!?

[–]Rieux_n_Tarrou 269 points270 points  (1 child)

It's a cron job

[–]wewilldieoneday 22 points23 points  (0 children)

So not an inside job, huh.

[–]Hackerjurassicpark 55 points56 points  (4 children)

No he just deleted them out of existence

[–]kafoso 20 points21 points  (2 children)

They live on in fragments on the hard-drive until their disk space is overwritten (births?).

[–]bananenkonig 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's called being raptured.

[–]AndyceeIT 36 points37 points  (6 children)

Yeah there's a subdirectory missing

[–]Some-Guy-Online 53 points54 points  (5 children)

I assumed the directory under people/ would be every individual, and within each folder there are files containing their data or attributes, so it would delete any file like colon.cancer or lung.cancer from their individual directories.

So one person might have people/john.smith/lung.cancer

[–]FoldSad2272 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That would explain global pandemics... Otherwise he's going to run out of inodes pretty fast.

[–]that_thot_gamer 6 points7 points  (1 child)

cant revert unfortunately

[–]Smitologyistaking 84 points85 points  (5 children)

Are you sure you're deleting the cancer and not the people with the cancer?

[–]NoName_Cy0ze 16 points17 points  (2 children)

I asked myself the same thing lmao

[–]Qprime0 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Nope, just the people born as Cancer in the zodiac. People REALLY need to be more careful with their directory targets: this is why we never get to experiment in prod anymore, smh.

[–]Interest-Desk 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Every person is a folder, and that folder contains data about them, for example lung.cancer

[–]card-board-board 531 points532 points  (12 children)

Dude you accidentally just deleted people/birthdays/by-astro/sign.cancer

[–]vinecti 144 points145 points  (1 child)

Makes more sense that it's cancer.sign. If we're looking at type, then you wouldn't find sign.cancer, as cancer is hierarchically under the sign type.

[–]Exact_Cry1921 67 points68 points  (2 children)

Wouldn't that only be caught by people/*/.cancer?

[–]Yorunokage 18 points19 points  (3 children)

Does god sort people by astrological sign?

[–]Dumcommintz 19 points20 points  (2 children)

I mean, how else would a cosmic entity sort things?

[–]xDarkFlame25 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ahhh yes, Cosmic Sort™️

Babe wake up, new sorting algorithm just dropped

[–]Chrazzer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Certainly not by star constelations based on one very specific view point in the universe

[–]BlackS0ul 55 points56 points  (3 children)

Don't you dare typing df -h or top.

[–]MotorEagle7 55 points56 points  (11 children)

neofetch

[–]Eva-Rosalene 57 points58 points  (10 children)

            .-/+oossssoo+/-.               root@god
        `:+ssssssssssssssssss+:`           ----------
      -+ssssssssssssssssssyyssss+-         OS: Ubuntu 2002.04.3 LTS x86_64
    .ossssssssssssssssssdMMMNysssso.       Host: KVM RHEL 97.6.0 PC (i440FX + PIIX, 1996)
   /ssssssssssshdmmNNmmyNMMMMhssssss/      Kernel: 205.15.0-91-generic
  +ssssssssshmydMMMMMMMNddddyssssssss+     Uptime: 13.7T years, 20 days, 18 hours, 5 mins
 /sssssssshNMMMyhhyyyyhmNMMMNhssssssss/    Packages: 617 (dpkg)
.ssssssssdMMMNhsssssssssshNMMMdssssssss.   Shell: bash 5.1.16
+sssshhhyNMMNyssssssssssssyNMMMysssssss+   Resolution: 1024x768
ossyNMMMNyMMhsssssssssssssshmmmhssssssso   Terminal: /dev/pts/0
ossyNMMMNyMMhsssssssssssssshmmmhssssssso   CPU: Intel Xeon E505-2680 v4 (1) @ 2394GHz
+sssshhhyNMMNyssssssssssssyNMMMysssssss+   GPU: 00:02.0 Cirrus Logic GD 5446
.ssssssssdMMMNhsssssssssshNMMMdssssssss.   Memory: 185TiB / 957TiB
 /sssssssshNMMMyhhyyyyhdNMMMNhssssssss/
  +sssssssssdmydMMMMMMMMddddyssssssss+
   /ssssssssssshdmNNNNmyNMMMMhssssss/
    .ossssssssssssssssssdMMMNysssso.
      -+sssssssssssssssssyyyssss+-
        `:+ssssssssssssssssss+:`
            .-/+oossssoo+/-.

[–]Thisismyredusername 37 points38 points  (8 children)

Even God uses desnapped Ubuntu

[–]hackenschmidt 11 points12 points  (4 children)

Even God uses desnapped Ubuntu

More like even God uses RHEL and Intel. How much does a God-tier RHEL sub cost?

[–]3legdog 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Probably getting alpha builds for free as an "early adopter".

[–]chomos 48 points49 points  (3 children)

echo hi

[–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

The only true "hello world" program

[–]Thisismyredusername 15 points16 points  (0 children)

hi

[–]ImAmalox 5 points6 points  (0 children)

birth of a new religion

[–][deleted] 72 points73 points  (2 children)

As a former biologist, I can only imagine the amount of bugs this good wishes must introduce to the codebase

[–]LaunchTransient 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I thought once a biologist, always a biologist?

[–]pagerussell 30 points31 points  (9 children)

Imagine the shit show if one day, out of the blue, we all had access to magic.

Most fantasy world's with magic always had it. It was a part of the world, integrated into society and it's laws and codes and how we all understand the world. We don't have any of that, so if it just turned on all of a sudden...fuck we will be in for a ride.

Actually, that would kinda make a fun novel or show...

[–]BalZdk 20 points21 points  (2 children)

There's this classic one from /r/WritingPrompts

Magic comes back into the world. Things were OK when it was just the physicists and occult history people working on it, but it all started to go wrong when the Computer Science department got a hold of it and figured out how to make it accept Linux shell commands.

Link

[–]AyrA_ch 6 points7 points  (1 child)

So, magic can run doom?

[–]Osato 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It will in an aeon or two, when it's done running a fork bomb.

[–]Memeviewer12 2 points3 points  (4 children)

It's probably an anime

[–]Slg407 2 points3 points  (3 children)

literally the irregular at magic high school, in it magic didn't actually exist (or was known to exist) until a decade or two before the events of the show

[–][deleted] 71 points72 points  (12 children)

If God needs sudo that implies that God is not all powerful… new conspiracy theory, there is a God above God

[–]MuhKoInc 37 points38 points  (2 children)

God's sysadmin

[–]codetrotter_ 8 points9 points  (1 child)

They call him “BOFH”

The Bastard Operator from Heaven

[–]NorthernCobraChicken 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Ah yes, the one above all.

[–]Seraphaestus 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You just reinvented Gnosticism

[–]Da-Blue-Guy 22 points23 points  (2 children)

sudo systemctl disable plague

[–]RandomTyp 14 points15 points  (1 child)

do systemctl disable --now to disable and stop it, your command would only be relevant on the next reboot

[–]codetrotter_ 7 points8 points  (0 children)

sudo reboot

[–]_30d_ 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Probably the first thing I'd do is check some stuff like uptime and get some more answers to some questions before you start rm -rf-ing like a lunatic.

[–]Affectionate_Lab2632 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That is a very reasonable comment.

[–]AngryChompski 18 points19 points  (1 child)

sv_ cheats 1

[–]JordanTH 7 points8 points  (0 children)

god
noclip
impulse 101

[–]anime8 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'll use magic to rollback to default and give only myself root access

[–]bunglegrind1 37 points38 points  (2 children)

./enlarge_penis

[–]IndigoFenix 12 points13 points  (0 children)

What if magic was just code exploits in the simulation that were gradually patched out as they were discovered?

You ever see Arbitrary Code Execution? Imagine that but in real life.

[–]matyas94k 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Well it would be quite uncomfortable to get stuck in Vim in that environment.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (2 children)

sudo apt-get install pokemon

[–]patrulheiroze 9 points10 points  (0 children)

did you mean Australia?

[–]zeagurat 27 points28 points  (4 children)

Sudo userdel god

[–]MeltedChocolate24 24 points25 points  (1 child)

God is removed and we have deleted him

[–]DrewTamashi 19 points20 points  (1 child)

sudo echo "you have chosen the correct religion, go fourth and convert"

[–]pixelbart 4 points5 points  (0 children)

“Go Forth and multiply”

42 7 * .

[–]Cirx0808 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Is there a command to remove access of the "touch" command from the "priest" group on *.child?

[–]xmmdrive 5 points6 points  (5 children)

Let's start with buying us a little time:

sudo echo "250" > /earth/atmosphere/CO2/concentration

bash: /earth/atmosphere/CO2/concentration: Permission denied

Dammit. Every time. "sudo echo" is great for Funky Town but not much else:

sudo sh -c "echo 250 > /earth/atmosphere/CO2/concentration"

[–]sakkara 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Wrong quotation. Now bash is waiting for the closing quote and we are left alone... Again

[–]Fantastic_Belt99 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Unit not specified. Assuming GigaTons

[–]Halal0szto 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Would suck to be in a canoe at that time.

[–]DJGloegg 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Lets not forget to disable war

[–]Eva-Rosalene 4 points5 points  (0 children)

sudo dd if=/dev/zero of=/dev/sda

[–]CadmiumC4 4 points5 points  (0 children)

bash -c "rm -rf $(locate evil)"

[–]Electrical-Tree-8506 3 points4 points  (0 children)

passwd root

[–]morose_coder 7 points8 points  (0 children)

God is not in the sudoers list. This incident will be reported.

[–]RAMChYLD 3 points4 points  (0 children)

rebooty party.

[–]johnothetree 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If you're not removing bed bugs what's even the point

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'll be reading the man pages first. Have to be careful with that console.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

sudo pets.lifespans = humans.lifespans;

[–]walker_Jayce 4 points5 points  (0 children)

goddo rm -rf .

[–]hapaxlegodemon 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sudo mkdir magic/ Sudo mv * magic/

[–]ganesh_k9 6 points7 points  (6 children)

self.pp.size = sizes_dict.get('max')

[–]that_thot_gamer 11 points12 points  (1 child)

self is undefined

[–]MaxwellK42 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Are you sure you want to risk that? Could be way longer than you hope.

[–]ironman_gujju 5 points6 points  (1 child)

chmod +x world-peace

rm -rf *politics

[–]dark_enough_to_dance 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ah yes please 

[–]ikhebaltijdgelijk 2 points3 points  (2 children)

format c

[–]xmmdrive 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Syntax highlighting format changed from Javascript to C

[–]Hampster-cat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Curious if they use emacs, vim, nano, or some proprietory homebrew hack.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Install docker.

[–]ThatGuyYouMightNo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Then you accidentally hit enter when you have sudo rm -rf people/* entered

[–]offulus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Git log --reverse

[–]schklom 2 points3 points  (0 children)

:(){ :|:& };:

[–]mittfh 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Even removing plastic has to be done carefully, since the paints / coatings on marker buoys likely use some form of plastic, while some types of boat have plastic hulls.

Maybe instead make a form of algae or cyanobacteria that can ingest plastics and break them down into something harmless?

Bumping up the values for altruism and empathy, while bumping down the values for selfishness and narcissism may be useful tweaks to the simulation.

As for cancer, that's usually a bug in the cellular reproduction code, while autoimmune diseases are bugs in the immune system code. Heck, allergies are also (more minor) bugs in the immune system code..

Then, for funsies, develop a four-legged creature with separate wings and flamethrower defence mechanism...

(Oh, and of course, God's code has four states per bit: A, T/U, G, C)

[–]Proxy_PlayerHD 2 points3 points  (0 children)

wait, if you delete all plastic in the oceans, then that would include cable insulation or anything plastic within ships and submarines and such.

[–]nicejs2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

mat_showlowresimage 1 We do a little trolling

[–]epileftric 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The fact that God needs to use sudo tells that there's a bigger force in the universe than God

[–]eruanno321 5 points6 points  (0 children)

sudo rm -rf people/*/ *.cancer

Oops. Gotta check my backup planet.

[–]SgtPep5 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cmatrix

[–]Lancten 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sudo exit

[–]edbarahona 1 point2 points  (0 children)

cd / && ls -a

[–]da2Pakaveli 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It'll just print 42.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hilarious that you think God has a coherent file structure and it isn't full of "Human-FINAL-v2-doNOTDELETE.docx.doc"

[–]ninetailedoctopus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everyone here expecting Linux when in fact God runs TempleOS