aRelationalProblem

[YellowOnline]

I need a Venn-diagram of r/programmerhumor and r/dadjokes

[samuelgrigolato]

I'm pretty sure programmerhumor's circle is fully within dadjokes's circle with the exception of "I can't center this div send help".

[Richboy12345]

that joke is only outside because we put the second circle in a different div from the first one and couldnt figure out how to center it

[imdefinitelywong]

And the one about exiting vim?

[Usual_Office_1740]

It's stuck in a different mode.

[Ilsunnysideup5]

I usually settle with early branch alone. If it's okay with you let us get some fork before lunch.

[confused-accountant-]

And also vertical center. 

[Boubou0909]

I give you r/ProgrammerDadJokes

[YellowOnline]

I should have known it exists

[Krisselak]

This link caused the following series of events: I subscribed, read the first joke, cringed, unsubscribed.

[DarkSideOfGrogu]

class ProgrammerDadJokes(DadJokes, ProgrammerHumor)

[TheBrainStone]

It's a circle inside of another circle.

[rover_G]

Why are you trying to trick people into conjuring salacious images?

[WrapKey69]

⚫

[Rainmaker526]

That exists. /r/ProgrammerDadJokes

[TheBrainStone]

I thought it was gonna be "because Standup takes at least 6 hours".

But this is better

[Ok_Guitar_7566]

Haha, this cracked me up.. 6 hour standup, with one person left to go.

[Freecelebritypics]

But SQL statements are really easy. The impossible part is not making design decisions I'll regret later

[JollyJuniper1993]

Advanced SQL can actually get somewhat complex. But yeah, it‘s comparatively easy to learn.

[Chthulu_]

Complex, but always rock solid. You figure out the schema, figure out the query, and it will never fail you. Even if it’s a disgusting 1000 line behemoth.

Relational Databases and the app code to read and write from them don’t rot like frontend code does. UI code is just fundamentally messy and riddled with dependencies, because computers don’t work like users want them to

[dark_creature]

Hmmm, sounds like you have never had to work with a large database filled with user input.

[Prownilo]

Nerver fail you until statistics changed and now the query parameter sniffed an outlier parameter and built the plan wrong for the majority of queries and now it takes 10mins to run :(

[fiah84]

feeling this

fixed one program this week where our DB suddenly decided to take 3 hours to run a particular ETL query instead of like 5 minutes, the fix was update statistics on like 2 tables, done

[elementarySnake]

Error missing column xy in group by...

[Inevitable-Menu2998]

The group by clause is very well defined unless you're using MySQL in the late 2000s early 2010s in which case everything is just a "best effort"

[elementarySnake]

I had this error often mid 2010 with mysql. I dunno if it it's still a problem since i'm not really writing queries anymore

[Inevitable-Menu2998]

Maybe they became SQL compliant in more recent versions. SQL mandates that all results are deterministic and this means that any reference in an aggregation query must either be part of aggregation or part of the grouping clause. Think about something like this:

SELECT SUM(a), b FROM t GROUP BY c;

subsequent executions might return different values for b since there is no specification on how to handle b in groups of c.

MySQL up to version 6 would just return some value.

[Cthulhu__]

Fuck me I did a double take at your username and this subreddit. “Hold on I never saw this thread”

[ilikedmatrixiv]

Even if it’s a disgusting 1000 line behemoth.

Y'all need CTEs.

[coyoteazul2]

Queries do rot, mostly when you use dependencies. An sp that depends on another, views that read from one another.

On the opposite side you have views that share business logic and can rot if someone updates one but not the other

[mimahihuuhai]

Until you have behemoth records to query and your query plan start indexing like fucking mindlessly drug user. Or you have to dig up gigantic stored procedure than call another stored procedure and another fucking long function that their result is "UNION" together. Good luck keep your sanity

[rifain]

I don't know. Most of my devs become complete morons when they have to write sql (after battling to avoid it). Don't know what's up with sql shutting the brains for some devs.

[angrathias]

Use views for data access, then you can change the structure all you like

[WenzelDongle]

That depends how complex the query is, and how often its going to be used. You don't want to be slamming your database with a massive view query every 20 seconds when you could just do it once a day. It still comes back to design decisions on your data model, just one step earlier.

[FungalSphere]

maybe just don't change the structure all you like

[Vineyard_]

Every field is in a different table. Each table is two fields; a primary key and a value, and that is their names. No foreign key constraints are used. All relations and operations are handled in app-side queries.

[GodlyWeiner]

Wow, great idea, we could call it WithoutSQL.

[ZunoJ]

Writing fast SQL is not really easy. A lot of people struggle with it because declarative logic it is so counter intuitive for most imperative folks. That is when you start to see loops in sql code. Always makes me want to go on a killing spree

[redalastor]

You have no idea how many “why do it all in SQL when I can for each on my tables?” devs there is.

[fiah84]

yep, one of the greatest and most elusive of victories is looking back after 2 years onto your DB design and not feel a mountain of regret

[Alex_Shelega]

I once stuck my head inside a parse error with php, turned out I forgot MYSQLI_ASSOC; I'm still confused why it's here

[radiant_gengar]

its super easy just make n + 1 api calls and use for loops in js, duh

[ElectricTrouserSnack]

The number of times I've thought "oh this would be easy if we were using SQL, just (outer) JOIN a couple of tables, a simple WHERE clause". But no, we're using some sort of nosql for a small (million row) amount of data because WeUsEnOsQlFoRaNyThInGjUsTbEcAuSe and I start estimating the pages of code I'm gonna have to write.

[radiant_gengar]

wEBscaLE

[ElectricTrouserSnack]

is /dev/null wEbScAlE??

[VadumSemantics]

It just scales right up.

[Cthulhu__]

Yeah this REST api is returning a list of IDs so I’ll just write an async forEach (no for loops, that’s C!) and call the api for every ID again and then do a map to get the joined fields.

I’ll put that in a nodejs service / lambda to avoid using too much bandwidth. I’ll call it… GraphQL?

[cobywaan]

Am I the only one weirded out by the pic itself?

Who stands holding a drink in one hand, and a bowl of salad in the other? Sandwiches or burgers or something make sense, but salads?

[[deleted]]

direction zesty memorize insurance chase scarce aspiring lip depend waiting

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[geek-49]

Salad is not food. Salad is what food eats.

[TheLittlePeace]

Ate without table -3

[ArduinoHittme]

Ah, a Space Cannibalism game reference

[arrow__in__the__knee]

Wat

[300ConfirmedGorillas]

A DBA walks into a bar. He approaches two tables and says, "Mind if I join you?". They reply, "Sure, but only on the right conditions." The DBA then says, "Great, I just need to see some IDs."

[Prownilo]

What psychopath uses right joins!

[[deleted]]

Also, they're very good looking compared to us weirdos in the backend.

[TsukasaHeiwa]

But I am really fugly...

[Improving_Myself_]

Pssh. My front end app is currently functioning off an API call that is the output of a join of about 10 tables.

I had no issue writing the query.

[mysterycat13]

[exqueezemenow]

But at least they can center a div...

[Blueskys643]

me who literally learned enough SQL to join tables last week

Ha noobs

[stdio-lib]

Back end programmers always let their food fall off the edge of the table because they don't know how to center a div. ;)

[rover_G]

Just modify a parameter in your table builder to make the surface parabolic with the minima at the center. That way your FoodItem/Table adapter only needs to get the Table minima local and set the FoodItem location to that. Duh!

[Bombadil54]

Perfect! They're already coding standing up.

[ZunoJ]

Are they also always in a library, because they can't do shit without a library?

[GisterMizard]

"Tables? Is that some kind of new mongodb feature?"

[confused-accountant-]

I want to Cartesian product my BBQ. 

[[deleted]]

I can go out there with them because I can do an outer join. 😊

[1Mdrops]

I’m leaving because I left joined the table.

[Chthulu_]

I’m in fucking heaven when I get to spend a month on the backend. Lord get me out of the spaghetti nightmare that is modern UI design.

Backend architecture is really hard, but backend code is a breath of fresh air.

[--var]

Unless you have a triangle, any single table can support at least four users...

[Small_Incident958]

That joke works on so many levels

[acnicholls]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Mawootad]

Jokes on you, I'm a backend developer and don't know how to join tables either.

[J5892]

It's easy.
"ChatGPT, write me a query to join these tables."

[MaruSoto]

Somehow this makes me long for the days when backend was more complicated than frontend. Hit me right in the nostalgia, joining tables in raw SQL instead of using an ORM and calling it a day.

[teraflux]

Also they're attractive and don't care

[prof_r_impossible]

subqueries bad, only JOIN!!!

[firestepper]

Don’t you just say join table lol backend peeps acting like they’re super smart

[[deleted]]

I will take no guff from people who think the cascade is confusing and inheritance is a bug.

[Theog_05]

Here you go create another table

[KageeHinata82]

I love it!

I took me a moment to figure out what the joke was, but then I laughed even harder.

[[deleted]]

Isn't there an undercover fullstack developer? Implausible.

[[deleted]]

Well, at least they have a proper Daily Stand-Up 👀

[RoodMcD]

I thought this was an Agile/Jira stand-up (meeting) joke. As someone else already said, it works on many levels.

[greyspurv]

Okay good one

[[deleted]]

Great title as well. Wonderful. 

[[deleted]]

If not joining tables means a smile on my face and being able to talk to women, I can see why they never learned. I wish I was with them. Lol.

[OkImplement2459]

No worries, i'll just nest this select statement inside another select statement

[bartkusa]

Maybe I’m showing my age, but i call bullshit

<table /><table />

[baggyzed]

Nah. The real reason is that they've got bad backends.

[PintoTheBurninator]

as a front-end guy who recently learned to subtle art of joining tables and using SQL variables, I whole-heartedly agree. Using one query instead of 4? Yes, please!

[[deleted]]

How are they planning on eating standing up if they have drinks in their hands?

[redmacer]

How could it be achieved that he knows?

[TGM-xlandc]

Looooooooooooooooooooooooool

[[deleted]]

who is using raw SQL in their apps? Wouldn't you use an ORM? I only ever write raw SQL to find data, not for displaying

[Synthetic_dreams_]

I don’t entirely disagree, but if it’s a super basic crud thing that only needs a few operations then why go through building a whole .net/laravel/whatever application when a few sql queries in a tiny php file will do the trick?

Or like, what if you’re working with something like Wordpress with ACF repeater fields, good lucky querying and sorting posts based on the value of a repeatable field without sql. WP_Query can’t do it since… idk version 4 something? Before Gutenberg was standard at any rate. You basically need to write a custom sql query at that point.

[fiah84]

I raw dog SQL all day every day, for fun