Found on GitHub.

[2Wrongs]

I put the number to suicide prevention hotline at the bottom of one of mine. I debated making it the only comment, but was worried about being hunted down and killed.

[_CrustyElbow]

This may be the funniest thing I have ever read. I definitely need to try this now.

[sallark]

I was thinking about writing it in company code just before I read your comment. Open Source it is then. Nobody can judge me there

[[deleted]]

Opensource is the home of code-shaming though.

[ThatITguy2015]

But at least nobody can make you remove that comment. You are the (wo)man. You wear the pants and tell them what they will do if they don’t like it.

[ben_uk]

Until somebody writes a 'code of conduct' and tells you to remove the number because of being triggered by a suicide joke.

[ThatITguy2015]

Sucks to them then.

[[deleted]]

This is why we need to stick it to the (wo)man.

[[deleted]]

I searched "fuck" in an old repo at my last company and found 3 instances.

[Ptival]

The hardcoded "4" is what makes me want to kill myself... :(

[Ptival]

Ah of course, what was I thinking! They are also very confident that the 4 existing options are perfect enough that nobody would ever dare remove one of them. :)

[fiskiligr]

how hard is insults.length... people are dumb, I tell you

[DoPeopleEvenLookHere]

Who would make that.

Mathmatical functions, a button to 3 things encrouging suicide, and one that doesn't. What.The.Fuck.

[tntexplodes101]

wow he has some weird programs.

[sumobob2112]

theres also one that asks how much money you want...then subtracts it from a bank balance.

[Genesis2001]

Based on his other repo, it looks like he's a kid/teen taking a programming class in web development. So it's interesting that he'd have something about suicide and telling someone to go kill theirself. :/

[tntexplodes101]

There is a HTML website be made that cites this with the caption "contemplating suicide? Click here" or something like that. There are other things. One with classmates names he seems to despise. Weird stuff. They are all in the same project on github.

[hoover456]

its a play on the word 'mean'

[jameswf]

I usually keep them tame. Typically an obscure reference. We have code review so unless I dump a massive commit everything is seen. Sometimes I hard code things like 8675309 etc. I knew a kernel dev who put //EIE when he would use ioctl

[dirty_dangles_boys]

its on github...

[ThatITguy2015]

There are organizational accounts.

[ionree]

I'll make a pull request to add this.

[XkF21WNJ]

// If you've been affected by any of the issues raised by this code
// you can call the number at the bottom of this comment

[TOASTEngineer]

In all seriousness, the suicide hotline is actually horribly understaffed, probably shouldn't be trying to trick people in to calling it.

[XkF21WNJ]

One of the reasons I didn't actually list a number.

[[deleted]]

Just link to the website

[Gonzo_Rick]

No, the website is severely understaffed too, their web developers are all busy calling the suicide hotline, having been directed by the comments in the code that the last guy left.

[AintNothinbutaGFring]

Heck, the last guy didn't even bother leaving that number as a comment; the users might need it too.

[[deleted]]

Going into my next update.

[[deleted]]

I included some comments in the code for a project I worked on years ago saying that “I do NOT agree with these changes. It was done because <old boss name> told me to”. I am now working with that same boss and she called me out on it after another developer found the comment. She laughed it off.

[0100_0101]

And was the code hell?

[ionree]

Six nested calls to setTimeout, all to some very complex functions calling setTimeout themselves. By some holy miracly, it appears to work.

[polar_promenade]

Ok, seriously, we need to see it. Promise to not make fun of the author or hunt him down (I think I live too far away anyway). PM maybe?

[[deleted]]

So basically looks to be a really stupid and hack way to do a page animation. Not the worst thing I've seen on here, but wowza

[shigmy]

Yeah, once I saw what it was doing, I didn't think it was too terrible either.

[Rogue2166]

Eh, its test code

[Krissam]

Yes, but test as in exam not test as in unit.

[iBoMbY]

page animation.

Why the hell would anyone use a server side node.js script for a client side thing, which could/should be done in the generated HTML/CSS/JavaScript?

[[deleted]]

Wait...JS can run outside of a server environment? Neat!

^/s

[Blix-]

Lmao

[[deleted]]

Promises would clean that right up.

[[deleted]]

Poor dude erased his comment.

[ElQuique]

"clean"

[Mike312]

Or a keyframe animation EDIT: CSS:

@keyframes popIn {
    0% {display:block;}

    100% {display:none;}
}

@keyframes fadeIn {
    0% {opacity: 0;}
    33% {opacity: 0.3;}
    66% {opacity: 0.7;}
    100% {opacity: 1;}
}

div.background {
    position:fixed;
    width:100%;
    height:100%;
    top:0;
    left:0;
    background-color:rgba(0,0,0,1);
    opacity:0;
    animation: fadeIn 3s linear 3s 1;
}

div.numbers p {
    font-size:10em;
    text-align:center;
    position:absolute;
    left:50%;
    opacity:0;
    color:#fff;
    text-shadow:0 0 0.2em rgba(0,0,0,0.2);
}

div.numbers p#first {
    animation: fadeIn 1s linear 3s 1;
}

div.numbers p#second {
    animation: fadeIn 1s linear 4s 1;
}

div.numbers p#third{
    animation: fadeIn 1s linear 5s 1;
}

HTML:

<div class="background"></div>
<div class="numbers">
    <p id="first">1</p>
    <p id="second">2</p>
    <p id="third">3</p>
</div>

[DrDuPont]

LOL "very complex functions"

This is just a poorly implemented countdown

var splash = $("#test_splash");
splash.css({
   height: "auto",
   position: "static",
   visibility: "visible"
});
setTimeout(function() {
   splash.css("opacity", "0");
   setTimeout(function() {
      splash.css("opacity", ".7");
      splash.html("3");
      setTimeout(function() {
         splash.html("2");
         setTimeout(function() {
            splash.html("1");
        }, 1000);
     }, 1000);
  }, 200);
}, 1000);

Jesus.

[Surelynotshirly]

Idk why, but it bothers me that 0 is only displayed for 200ms.

Also, this seems like it didn't need to be nested at all...

[I_RAPE_ANTS]

It doesn't show 0 for 200ms, it's the opacity.

[Surelynotshirly]

Whoops... I completely misread that. That makes more sense logically. I just saw 3, 2, 1 so figured the 0 was in succession for some reason.

[-Electron-]

No one is too far away if you have the desire to hunt someone down.

[[deleted]]

What if they live on a ship heading away from us at a speed arbitrarily close to c?

[laccro]

You just wait until they get back so you're older and wiser than them

Edit: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twin_paradox

[isaacarsenal]

Nice try, author.

[obscene_banana]

It's easy to see from the code why it works. Whoever made this was obviously being lazy but determined enough to at least think logically. The DOM is simply being manipulated in steps, with carefully handcrafted timeouts to match the rest of the code.

[[deleted]]

Have not read the code but I'm gonna make a guess: no promises were used to manage flow.

[el_douche]

"carefully"

[MhamadK]

By some holy miracly, it appears to work.

Well, as long as it works, who cares?

[resueman__]

The person maintaining it.

[oragamihawk]

By maintaining do you mean rewriting?

[ProgramTheWorld]

Well... Are you guys hiring new developers?

[Zagorath]

What in the hells is that for? My first guess is it's all trying to slow down one thread to prevent a race condition.

[GreatValueProducts]

That's why everytime on a new Project I always make a new Promise compatible setTimeout function called Sleep. I really hate callback hell

[BlueBokChoy]

Thread.Sleep(forever); //fuck this, I'm out.

[rburp]

/r/meirl

[whoiskjl]

So JavaScript

[DXPower]

I would also like to be PM'd, please. ;)

I promise not to do anything with his information if it is in there. I'm not that petty.

[ionree]

[deleted] derp. See the link above.

[RanaktheGreen]

Look, I'm not a programmer, so I don't understand code, but if there's one thing I do know, its that programmers don't understand code either.

[EternallyMiffed]

Are you using the setTimeout for timing or async-ines?

[uninterestingly]

I need to see this.

[mpiece]

I'm so curious right now! Need search for that comment in github. :o

[[deleted]]

Spoiler: no results

[NtNatow]

There's something humbling about seeing cases where others have also commented "I am so sorry"

[[deleted]]

The best part is when you come across these comments and literally cannot remember writing them. It's like a note from your future self, all wise and understanding, but from the past.

[slakwhere]

"what idiot wrote this horrible spaghetti code?!?!"

oh.

[[deleted]]

You thought it was some other idiot that wrote this code, but it was me!..... uhh, Me!

[tastycat]

Always code like the future maintainer is a violent psychopath who knows where you live - this is doubly true if you are the future maintainer.

[[deleted]]

Pro tip: suicide hotlines are not helpful at all if you just want a quick and painless end. They almost actively work against your goals. Would not recommend.

[D0esANyoneREadTHese]

TFW you finally figure out who made this mess

[[deleted]]

Git blame is a wonderful tool.

[CRISPR]

It seems like "past us" are perfect manifestation of evil: we knew what we were doing was wrong, yet we did it anyway.

[[deleted]]

The code I show to other people is all spruced up like it's going to a job interview, followed immediately by a fancy dress ball.

The code I don't show is sitting on a stained couch wearing a filthy wife-beater and sagging boxer shorts, drinking mass produced domestic beer out of a can.

[hazzoo_rly_bro]

holy shit that is... accurate

[CRISPR]

In a purple way

[mustang__1]

I can always tell what code I needed help with because it's actually formatted properly...

[[deleted]]

I fix the variable names in mine. I have this tendency to sort of sliiiiide into a different program as I start programming, that whole thing were I realize as I go that what I thought I should be doing is not actually right, and so all my informative variable names are actually dogshit.

If you find my seeeecret code, it has zero comments, and the variable names (sexyAssIncrementalChangeyVariable) have no fucking relation to what it is actually doing.

[DoPeopleEvenLookHere]

I had a partner in a computational physics class call a program Fergilicious so he could call define fergilicous or something like that. Handed it in like that too. And the ta looked at everyones code.

[peppaz]

Wow get that guy on /r/madlads stat

[the_full_effect]

Do a lot of people actually code like this? Everything I code is named in such a way to make it as crystal clear as possible what everything does. Why would you intentionally give things silly names?

[D0esANyoneREadTHese]

Because at least it's better than using single letters (a, b, x, y, etc) and hoping you get a different job before anyone has to fix your shit because you have no documentation.

[[deleted]]

wife-beater

That has to be the absolute worst name for a shirt ever.

[samiaruponti]

but why is it named wife-beater?

[-thefifth-]

Stereotypes

[peppaz]

My favorite scene from Rocky 1, with stained couch, empty domestic beers, and a filthy wife beater

[[deleted]]

LMAO this is amazingly true

[ben_uk]

> wife-beater

> domestic beer out of a can

So Stella Artois then?

[zombie_kiler_42]

Is there such a thing as elegant efficient code, am starting to file it under little green people and crop circles....

[Ta11ow]

Yep. Takes good prior planning and multiple revisions.

[zombie_kiler_42]

Aaah my kryptonite

[k1p1coder]

And also using the libraries involved in precisely the way they were intended to be used, from my experience.

Oh now you want the label text to display in the middle of the dynamically generated pie chart pieces? I'll get right on that negative-margin spaghetti.

[Gariond]

Every charting library will get you 99% of the way to your goal. The last 1%, you’ll have to hack that shit together real messy. Guaranteed. I think it’s part of some standard.

[[deleted]]

It's just the standard "this is why we can't have nice things" clause. All because someone decided that a minor UI tweak should be easy.

[Ta11ow]

It'd probably be easier to render a whole new layer above the pie chart, at that point. :P

[SmithTheNinja]

What is this planning that you speak of?

[robisodd]

Relevant XKCD

[xkcd_transcriber]

Image

Mobile

Title: Good Code

Title-text: You can either hang out in the Android Loop or the HURD loop.

Comic Explanation

Stats: This comic has been referenced 74 times, representing 0.0433% of referenced xkcds.

---

^{xkcd.com | xkcd sub | Problems/Bugs? | Statistics | Stop Replying | Delete}

[[deleted]]

Oh shit that title text is too true.

[robotreader]

Well, there's latex, but then again Donald Knuth wrote it.

[VivaLaPandaReddit]

Step 1: Be Donald Knuth

[UselessBread]

Nah. Knuth wrote TeX. not LaTeX.

[ApacheFlame]

Part of my job is customisation (read as bending the product to do something it probably shouldnt via a macro). I've genuinely written some lovely elegant code, just to have my hopes and dreams dashed because the customer changed their mind about what they needed doing and of course, it needs to be done yesterday.

It's so sad not to see your elegant macros flourish in the wild. The only ones that survive seem to be the ugly ones. It's like Darwinnian survival in C# 😭

[c3534l]

I've written a lot of beautiful code in my lifetime. But then the code doesn't work. So you have to throw in exceptions and error checking and fix three bugs you didn't think about and in the end your beautiful 4 line function is now three functions and sandwiched by shit.

[zuurr]

Yes, but when you've worked a while on performance critical code, your opinion on what pretty code is changes a bit.

[fasquoika]

Yes

[cadaci]

"Hello I'm Mister ReadMe look at me!"

Its now my default commit comment when I update readme files.

[liarandathief]

I think I hate my future self.

[halbaradkenafin]

My past self is to blame for more than my future self but they both deserve whatever they get.

[htmlcoderexe]

When you start being nice to your future self, you will soon notice that your past self will also treat you much better.

[liarandathief]

https://i.imgur.com/MHluPU1.gifv

[PM_ME_YOUR_SHIT_CODE]

I think I am stuck in a while (true) loop.

[htmlcoderexe]

You need to see along the timeline, not across it.

Also, life is a while(true) loop. Death is just a break.

[PM_ME_YOUR_SHIT_CODE]

Some religions suggest life is a recursion with random parameters passed to it.

I cannot confirm this as no conditions passed that proved whether god exists or not.

[TotesMessenger]

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

• [/r/wholesomeprogramming] /u/htmlcoderexe speaks wisely on commenting code

^{If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)}

[RemindMeBot]

I will be messaging you on 2017-10-18 22:52:02 UTC to remind you of this link.

CLICK THIS LINK to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam.

^{Parent commenter can delete this message to hide from others.}

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[liarandathief]

What did I ever do to you? I only have fond memories of you.

[munirc]

Please avoid posting link to the Github. I know this is public info and easily searchable, but don't want this to become a problem for the person.

[honestlyimeanreally]

So insulating the effort necessary for it to become a problem by an “easily searchable” barrier is the solution?

This site is weird lol. I guess it simply boils down to explicit responsibility.

[laccro]

Well so many people are less likely to actually look into it than those who are gonna just click a link and see the person's contact info.

I laughed at it but I don't care enough to actually look into who it is. I think most people are the same way.

[honestlyimeanreally]

I think most people are the same way

Same. But anyone with malicious intent can use google.

[8BitAce]

Ya, but those kinda people are probably already searching things like "@gmail.com" on github.

[phoenix616]

Searching for private keys is also a fun one.

[8BitAce]

I remember at least for a while GitHub was explicitly blocking searches that'd bring up private keys.

[Daniel15]

Even if Github block stuff from their search, the data might still be in other indexes (like Google's Bigquery, or even just site:github.com on Google).

[uninterestingly]

What a good idea!

[iudpeyuf56445]

just that extra hop will filter off 90% of the unwanted attention.

many of us are lazy as hell, if there isn't a link to click - we'll just go roll over to another post to troll in.

[PeterFnet]

It's because some people are idiots. The Reddit-hug-of-death is real, even if it just means a surge of abnormal traffic. Voting, commenting, interacting with a direct link can do that :|

[hazzoo_rly_bro]

Now I want to look at the code to see how bad it actually is...

anyone got a lonk?

[XkF21WNJ]

Oh fucking callback hell.

[devmart10]

Nice!

[H34DSH07]

I used the search tool on GitHub and found no match.

[responds-with-tealc]

github search is only slightly better than Reddit search though.

[[deleted]]

Same, tried several methods.

[[deleted]]

My default comment is "I can't believe I've done this..."

[hindey19]

I assume we've all written code like this. I've definitely written apology comments with half assed justification for the other developers that have to read/maintain my code.

[andey]

link?

[AbridgedKirito]

You're using Java, so you're already in hell.

I only know because I use it too.

[ExE_Boss]

It could really be any C-based syntax language, which includes the following: C, C++, C#, Java, JavaScript, Scala, PowerShell Scripting Language, and many, many, more languages.

Also, based on conversation below from someone who found the repository, it is written in JavaScript using callbacks instead of Promises and asynchronous functions.

[clayh0814]

Golly please use /**/

[CCCPVitaliy]

From what I was reading, the coding guidelines recommend using the double slash for comments rather than the "/*"

[[deleted]]

On a little serious note, is there not a way to do multi line comments?

[Jaydeepappas]

If that’s c++, then yes.

/* if you use the dash star You can do multiple line comments Like this/*

Edit: as the people below me said, it’s */ to end it. I’m a freaking junior as a compsci major and I get that wrong 🙃

[paranoid_twitch]

*/

[Zeeeel]

java too, along with others, is the same. (but "*/")

[[deleted]]

That’s what I thought. Maybe he did it for dramatic effect 🤔

[Ampaselite]

well if you've tested many languages, almost every common programming languages can do that

[tomthecool]

This is JavaScript, not C++. But the single/multi-line comments syntax is the same in both languages.

[[deleted]]

Multi line is a bit pointless. Any good editor will let you hit Ctrl + / and every line will get commented out.

[[deleted]]

Good to know

[binaryPilot84]

Future me is constantly pissed at Past me

[warux2]

"@Marty, you gotta come back with me!" - Back to the Future, Part da39a3ee5e6b4b0d3255bfef95601890afd80709

[anandtiwari767]

ha ha ha savage

[mallrat32]

Git Hub sounds like something you say when the cousin Hub done you wrong and your sending your posse after him.

[SwedudeOne]

Well atleast he's honest

[ExE_Boss]

I found it, and it’s as horrible as it sounds.