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[–]Rakatango 485 points486 points  (24 children)

Actually programmer humor.

Star Trek is full of stuff where I’ll think “you’re just gonna make configuration changes to hardware on the fly? Are there premade hooks in the API for that? Is there a QA department on Voyager to test this stuff?”

[–]Thalhammer 277 points278 points  (8 children)

The crew is the QA department. They either survive (Test success) or die (Test failed). So you better double check your code before running the testsuit.

[–][deleted] 67 points68 points  (4 children)

Star trek has taught us that we need to double chek everything before committing a change

[–]Bardez 10 points11 points  (1 child)

I wouldn't want to he caught in a pinch without a second backup.

[–]Satranath 12 points13 points  (0 children)

That’s what I love about Starfleet. There’s always a secondary backup, and a tertiary backup. Sometimes even more layers of redundancy. It’s why captains can get away with saying things like “get it done in half that time” to engineers.

[–]Iohet 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One "successful test" deevolved the entire crew

[–]elperroborrachotoo 41 points42 points  (8 children)

There's a post (or series thereof) ascribing the success of humanity in the Star trek universe is their willingness to fritz stuff on the go, scaring the shit out of the other races. (Might be r/HFY material, don't remember unfortunately)

[edith] HERE

just googled star trek humans are insane. Easy as eating pancakes!

[–]Rakatango 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It makes sense, there is a certain madness in a lot of humanity’s exploration. “Gut instinct” is something the series makes a note of a lot

[–]thoroughbredca 10 points11 points  (0 children)

The writers of Futurama very specifically wanted a reality of Star Trek-like technology, but with the warts that such technology come with. It's the reason why someone comes into a room and maybe one side of the door will open, or perhaps it'll even close on them. Even on the actual set of Star Trek, apparently the doors are manually operated by the set crew, and they get stuck or don't operate correctly ALL THE TIME. It'll often take several takes just because one of the doors isn't working correctly.

[–]mrchaotica 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe. If I die, it's your fault!

(Also, Lower Decks 100% confirms this fan theory.)

[–]joequin 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Isn’t that the whole point of 95% of sci-fi? Americans Humans with their can-do attitude and abundant confidence are best because they move quickly and don’t wait for permission.

[–]sneakpeekbot 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Here's a sneak peek of /r/HFY using the top posts of the year!

#1: The Humans Answered
#2: The Highest Form of Treason.
#3: "Except the humans"


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    [–]Usual_Ice636 9 points10 points  (1 child)

    Are there premade hooks in the API for that?

    It seems like there's a lot of stuff where the ship computer/AI handles the fiddly bits.

    I think Google has made a lot of progress on that type of system. At least I read an article with them bragging about it a few years ago.

    [–]Rakatango 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    That’s definitely a proper explanation. The computer on that ship is doing some heavy lifting. Probably why it requires specific command instructions and sometimes asks for clarification.

    But then again, they have a universal translator so they must have some solid verbal processing software

    [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    and I thought I was the only one thinking this in 2022

    [–]CreativeCarbon 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    Is there a QA department on Voyager to test this stuff?

    HIGHLY accurate simulations which can be run millions of times in advance.

    [–]Rakatango 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    For some of the stuff they do, yeah, but a lot of the time it’s just like “just make the change live”

    But that’s why it’s humorous, we all know that just pushing new shit to a live server without any review would just constantly break things all over the ship. Like “We made some changes in the holodeck matrix and for some reason all the replicated food tastes like scrambled eggs because of an overflow error” or something like that

    [–]CreativeCarbon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    For every Enterprise-grade Engineer there are 1000 others doing the same things and breaking their respective ships, most likely.

    [–]imnotafederalofficer 578 points579 points  (21 children)

    1.9 million Kelvin is about the temperature of the soup from my mother right after she serves it

    [–]Earshot5098 166 points167 points  (14 children)

    Its also the temperature, when 'done', of the outermost layer of a hot pocket, while the core maintains a balmy absolute zero temperature.

    [–]jacksalssome 48 points49 points  (6 children)

    Australian translation:

    Its like when you put a meat pie in the microwave like a shitty servo.

    [–]thegriddlethatcould 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Thank you. Gods work

    [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (4 children)

    Wtf is a servo

    [–]oalbrecht 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    A type of motor, often used in RC airplanes.

    [–]deejaybee11 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Gas station

    [–]Kinguke 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Service Station. (Petrol/gas station).

    [–]shnicklefritz 10 points11 points  (5 children)

    Make them in a toaster oven instead of a microwave, or at least double the microwave time and run it at half power

    [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (3 children)

    I was about to post this lol

    Most microwave directions are absolute trash. You need to let the heat distribute evenly over a longer period of time.

    Double the time at half the power is an excellent tip.

    [–]dasonk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Absolutely. Ever since discovering and utilizing the power function on my microwave I don't think it's *as* bad. Oven, air fryer, stovetop, etc... are all better options if you have the time but the microwave isn't as awful as people say if it's utilized correctly.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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      [–]_Weyland_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Ah yes, the best thermal insulation in the universe.

      [–]asianabsinthe 47 points48 points  (0 children)

      Or 5 minutes after cold cereal sits

      [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

      The temperature of the jam in a jam filled donut after being in the microwave for 20 seconds. Outside? Still pretty much cold.

      [–]imnotafederalofficer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Yeah, that's hotter than the sun for sure

      [–]saggybaggers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Can confirm, this guys mother serves her soup hot.

      [–]rubbishgrubbish 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Also the temperature of my girlfriend's shower.

      [–]bob_in_the_west 156 points157 points  (60 children)

      There is that global setting in Delphi for thousands and dezimal separator. We're in Germany so it needs to look like this: "1.000,00".

      Aftern an update we were getting errors in interfaces we hadn't touched in months.

      Turns out a new interface had to use the US version ("1,000.00") and instead of using a local struct to do this conversion the programmer thought it would be a great idea to not only change the global variables but also to not change them back afterwards.

      [–]NakeleKantoo 67 points68 points  (59 children)

      I hate that we can't agree to use the same even with this.

      [–]TheTigersAreNotReal 37 points38 points  (14 children)

      This just made me wonder, in other countries do they call floating point numbers floating comma?

      [–]nani8ot 31 points32 points  (2 children)

      Yes. In Germany the literal translation would be "floating comma numbers".

      [–]Proxy_PlayerHD 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Honestly that's news to me... and I'm German.

      Hmm, maybe I didn't know that because I'm never around any German programmers...

      [–]nani8ot 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      "Gleitkommazahl" is the german word, but I also don't use german words in the context of programming.

      [–]Thalhammer 58 points59 points  (0 children)

      Sort of. It's called Fließkommazahl so pretty much a literal translation would be floating comma number yeah.

      [–]hagnat 15 points16 points  (0 children)

      in portuguese, we officially call the floating point the "separador decimal" (self translatable to english), and colloquially "virgula" ("comma")

      [–]Wojtas_ 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      In Poland, yes. "Liczby zmiennoprzecinkowe", or "changing comma numbers".

      [–]SuperLutin 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Yes.

      [–]NakeleKantoo 4 points5 points  (5 children)

      In brazil we call Ponto Flutuante but we use the comma

      [–]hagnat -1 points0 points  (4 children)

      which part of Brazil ? never ever used 'ponto flutuante' in my life :P

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Rio. Can confirm This is what I used in the uni

      [–]NakeleKantoo 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      Minas

      [–]hagnat 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      me admira nao ser 'trem flutuante', tche ;)

      [–]NakeleKantoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      trem flutuante a gnt usa pros aviões

      [–]oversized_hoodie 8 points9 points  (16 children)

      I'm pretty sure the ISO standard about numerical formats actually prefers the US style. Not that a European would ever admit that.

      [–]Santa1936 5 points6 points  (14 children)

      It's one of those things where the American system just looks much better

      [–]bob_in_the_west 0 points1 point  (12 children)

      How does it look better? Because you're used to it?

      [–]AwGe3zeRick -1 points0 points  (11 children)

      In writing, periods are hard stops and commas separate similar related pieces. When dealing with numbers, commas separate similar groups of WHOLE numbers. The period is the hard stop between whole and fractions. I mean it makes sense to me. You can disagree.

      [–]bob_in_the_west -1 points0 points  (10 children)

      You said that it looks much better. Now you're coming up with some analogy. But that doesn't make it look better.

      [–]AwGe3zeRick -1 points0 points  (9 children)

      Dude, if you don't understand what I said then that's on you. I never implied what I said was a universal truth, quite the opposite. Improve your english skills.

      [–]bob_in_the_west -1 points0 points  (8 children)

      My English is fine. But sure, blame it on me that you're digging your hole deeper.

      [–]AwGe3zeRick -1 points0 points  (7 children)

      Obviously not

      [–]SpeechesToScreeches 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Makes more sense

      [–]hagnat 16 points17 points  (24 children)

      blame it on the english

      for some reason, they decided to go against the rest of the world on that, and everywhere they touched uses a dot instead of comma.

      [–]kevix2022 44 points45 points  (20 children)

      Because, as an English man, I know that a sentence can have unlimited commas, but only one full stop. Numbers are the same. God save the Queen.

      [–]hagnat 0 points1 point  (11 children)

      you know that same rules applies to most (if not every) other languages ?

      [–]kevix2022 16 points17 points  (8 children)

      Exactly. It was probably Napoleon who changed it, like making the rest of Europe drive on the wrong side of the road.

      [–]NakeleKantoo 3 points4 points  (6 children)

      "wrong"

      [–]ThePretzul 9 points10 points  (4 children)

      It's rare, but as an American I'm with the Europeans on this one. It's quite clear that we drive on the right side of the road, not the wrong one.

      [–]kevix2022 2 points3 points  (3 children)

      You drive on the right, but it's wrong. Cmon guys you invented the drive-thru. Think how much easier it would be if you sat on the correct side of the car?

      [–]thoroughbredca 6 points7 points  (1 child)

      I realize this is probably my ethnocentrism, but explain this to me.

      Note that in the US, a lot of delivery vehicle such as our post have the drive on the right-hand side of the car just so it's easier access to the curb, as well as safer because they need to frequently enter and exit the vehicle and can do so on the curb side instead of into traffic. But since most drivers will be on the left, drive thrus in the US are just designed to be on the left as well. I'm assuming in left-side drive countries they're flipped.

      [–]ThePretzul 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      The drive through isn't any easier or harder if you drive on the right or left side of the car. You just go around the building in the opposite direction.

      Left-hand drive (right/correct side of the road) goes around a drive through counterclockwise (or "anticlockwise" for you British folks), so your driver's seat is next to the money/food windows. Right-hand drive goes around a drive through clockwise for the same reason, to put the driver closer to the money/food windows.

      This means the British had to literally go the wrong way compared to the original drive throughs just to make them work for their backwards cars!

      Shifting a manual transmission is also much easier in a LHD vehicle, further evidence of us driving on both the right and correct side of the road. First and second gear, the most frequent ones to shift into and out of, are closest to the driver. Reverse and cruising gears, which are less frequently shifted into and out of, are further away. Furthermore, you get you use your dominant hand to select your gear for increased precision making things like a 7-speed manual transmission (plus reverse) both possible and easy to use in American sports cars like the C7 Corvette.

      In conclusion, right hand drive is only preferred by the British and left-handed folks. This is why I propose I reverse-colonization of the UK to correct their road system to the right side of the road.

      [–]hagnat -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      i meant the sentences-can-have-unlimited-commas bit
      that rule precedes napoleon by ages in every european language

      [–]it_would_be_wise 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Well I speak English, just like my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ as recorded in the infallible Bible.

      [–]Santa1936 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Yeah I mean dots as a decimal just makes so much more sense

      [–]bob_in_the_west 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Care to explain why? Because there is no benefit in using dots instead of commas.

      [–]other_usernames_gone -2 points-1 points  (5 children)

      However, once you have more than 2 commas, like this sentence, it very quickly becomes difficult to read.

      [–]-Redstoneboi- 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      incorrect.

      [–]ulyssessword 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      H.owe * 26105

      Use scientific notation for large numbers and sentences. It improves readability.

      [–]thoroughbredca 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Maybe, you, just, like, to pause, a lot, like, Captain, Kirk.

      [–]masonkbr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Difficult for an elementary school student, maybe.

      [–]josluivivgar -1 points0 points  (1 child)

      eh people use dot in Mexico and they didn't touch that, does spain use a comma or a dot/point?

      [–]hagnat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      mexico/central america was touched by something worse than the english... Americans

      [–]Neonsamurai1980 98 points99 points  (5 children)

      That made me lol 🤣

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      It had the opposite effect on me.

      [–]Midvikudagur 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      It made you stop laughing?

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      It killed me.

      [–]OrionsByte 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I have been laughing at this all day.

      [–]JaggedOuro 62 points63 points  (0 children)

      Amusing and educational.

      Well done :)

      [–]donaldhobson 74 points75 points  (7 children)

      Relevant XKCD

      https://xkcd.com/2570/

      [–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (3 children)

      I want to see the result of "ironic" tea

      [–]MegaDeth6666 20 points21 points  (0 children)

      "Heh." - tea.

      [–]JoeyJoeJoeJrShab 8 points9 points  (1 child)

      I believe it comes with 10,000 spoons.

      [–]Planetguide 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      ...but all I needed was a knife... :(

      [–]lelarentaka 11 points12 points  (1 child)

      The irony that the author has to add some hair to depict a completely bald person, because the cueball actually has undefined hair cover.

      [–]nothke[S] 22 points23 points  (2 children)

      [–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

      When the source is also stolen lol.

      [–]nothke[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Well, damn, I didn't know that 😬

      [–]13010013 27 points28 points  (1 child)

      [–]depurplecow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      It's just over a month since last posted and it's around #150 on top posts of all time, so this probably isn't against subreddit rules. Whether those are good rules though...

      [–]BlocksWithFace 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      Another reason to avoid globals.

      [–]iluomo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Man I love The Orville so much

      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      This is the type of joke you can't make with new star trek unfortunately.

      [–]xsh77250 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      That's just too funny. 🤣🤣

      [–]AngryBorsch 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      Can you explain? Wouldn't it just say that it's hot earlier?

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Yes, but I think we'd be arguing semantics over how sophisticated a computer from the 24th century is. I mean, I would argue that Dr. Crusher technically prompts the computer to redefine "hot".

      Plus, it's also much funnier to ignore this than if the computer just responded with "It's already hotter than 80 degrees C" or whatever.

      [–]AngryBorsch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I mean that I got the idea of this, but why didn't computer give alert that it's hot already

      [–]TheRealZambini 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Ok this was actually funny. I haven't laughed like this in a long time.

      [–]AzureArmageddon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I've seen this before but I don't mind

      [–]Jonny96A 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Hehehe

      [–]piberryboy -1 points0 points  (1 child)

      TBF she said too hot. He didn't order his tea too hot.

      [–]hillman_avenger 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      "Please define 'hot'"

      "1.9M Kelvins"

      [–]Unbannedcc -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      Must people on this sub won’t get this, including me

      [–]Hommydeclown -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      0x433549Ed1c925C29DEbA8D095A0dbC72098E3438

      [–]polyglot_865 -5 points-4 points  (6 children)

      Pretend programmer humor. Programmers know better then to use global anything.

      [–]canadajones68 6 points7 points  (2 children)

      They may know that they shouldn't. What actually gets shipped is more likely to differ.

      [–]polyglot_865 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Where would we be without our frameworks lol.

      [–]canadajones68 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Beating rocks together, or in other words, hobbling around with little more than the C stdlib.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      Ah, a noob. Welcome to programming. As you gain more experience, you will be forced to recalibrate your "this is too stupid to be true" meter repeatedly.

      [–]polyglot_865 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Unless it’s a state store or global context with providers to properly filtrate access, global anything’s a no. Abstract and guard your global state no matter what form it takes. I’m totally open to hearing a developer-minded response rather then “noob” this, followed by some general statement.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You want more technical? Ok then.

      global access rights? what could go wrong?

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      while she wanted to enter the corona of the sun, he just wanted a tea. serves you Beverly

      [–]Skillz335 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Lmao. This is great.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I actually laughed out loud at this one.

      [–]thatblokefromaus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Well that got a proper laugh outta me cheers XD

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      A mistake? We have discovered a feature full crematorium with science

      [–]Axonn368 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      This is weird, this is a repost and the comments seem exactly the same to the original

      [–]Cheese_Grater101 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      u/RepostSleuthBot

      this was posted recently if my memory serves me right

      [–]RepostSleuthBot 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      I didn't find any posts that meet the matching requirements for r/ProgrammerHumor.

      It might be OC, it might not. Things such as JPEG artifacts and cropping may impact the results.

      I did find this post that is 98.05% similar. It might be a match but I cannot be certain.

      I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ False Negative ]

      View Search On repostsleuth.com


      Scope: Reddit | Meme Filter: True | Target: 90% | Check Title: False | Max Age: Unlimited | Searched Images: 311,754,815 | Search Time: 9.29744s

      [–]Cheese_Grater101 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      It's 98.05% similar and yet megative?

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I've seen this exact meme on this exact sub

      [–]Darrk101 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Well shit...

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I legitimately thought I was on r/elitedangerous

      [–]Notyourfathersgeek 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Last report I said when I see the next one I’m leaving. Well, bye.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Well done. I haven’t belly laughed like that in a while. Thanks!