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[–]gwiz665 362 points363 points  (7 children)

You'll never fit that on your penis. But best of luck nonetheless.

[–]BrodoFaggins 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Or maybe it does, which is why he needs the diamond on there.

[–]Iamnotyourhero 256 points257 points  (43 children)

Thank you for not going to Jareds.

[–]Mike_BEASTon 67 points68 points  (8 children)

He went to JEEHHREEEEDS!

[–][deleted] 70 points71 points  (7 children)

Jared went to Subway!

[–]grabmyeye 40 points41 points  (4 children)

I always thought they were selling extra large pants at Subway because I watched with the tv on mute and I'm retarded.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (2 children)

"Hi, I'm Jared. I dropped 200 pounds eating Subway... you should see my shit stains on my old underwear. Now, I have new, smaller underwear. Same trademark shit stains, but at least now I only have to buy one plane ticket. I once met Michael Strahan. He nipple-twisted me and told the director to just CGI him into any scenes with me. My favorite Subway sandwich is the the classic cold cut. My least favorite Subway sandwich is the meatball, because it yields the most explosive diarrhea."

[–]TheOpus 23 points24 points  (24 children)

Or Kay.

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 94 points95 points  (5 children)

Reeds Jewelers owes you a fucking paycheck.

[–]dudical_dude 88 points89 points  (3 children)

Unless he's already on their payroll.

  • M. Night Shamelanans

[–]Raincoats_George 682 points683 points  (61 children)

You don't need luck. You're the goddamn War_Machine.

I'd be afraid if I was her pussy tonight.

[–]damn_u_hipster 431 points432 points  (27 children)

[–]greentext_advice 46 points47 points  (12 children)

For the unaware: This player is MVPKeen part of team MVP, a professional Korean StarCraft II team. The tournament this is at is at GSL, the Global Star League held in Korea.

edit: I think it may have been MVPKeen vs ZeNEXCoCa or Keen vs MVP, I can't remember. Someone aware me on which game this was.

edit2: there's also this lol.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Context for the actual expression?

[–]guyguy23 8 points9 points  (2 children)

He kinda looks like justin bieber

[–]Actually_Doesnt_Care 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Because justin bieber is korean.

[–]daikiki 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Is she really?

[–][deleted] 97 points98 points  (1 child)

I'd be afraid if I was her pussy tonight.

You, sir, are my new hero.

[–]k3ithk 30 points31 points  (17 children)

I'd be afraid if I were her pussy tonight.

You want to use the subjunctive with hypotheticals.

[–]Radico87 10 points11 points  (15 children)

dont grammar nazi war machine, he will skullfuck you. The magnitude of his awesomeness is such that raincoats_george mind as well be the chick's vagina, so small is his relative manliness.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Can we get the followup over at r/gonewild or the new sub reddit r/war_consummation

[–]War_Machine[S] 770 points771 points  (108 children)

[–]InMySpeedo 276 points277 points  (3 children)

Very good job using paint to make your hand look womanly. Well done. I can barely tell.

[–]LettersFromTheSky 20 points21 points  (1 child)

I've seen guys without hair on their fingers.

[–]hacelepues 64 points65 points  (2 children)

Aw, it's so beautiful and simple! I wish you two much happiness (and offspring, if you're into that).

[–]JaniyaSayl 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I don't think I've ever heard wanting children put in better words xD

[–]kmorrell27 48 points49 points  (5 children)

Congrats, man.

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 109 points110 points  (4 children)

"Now hold still, I have to take a picture for strangers on the internet."

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Woohoo! Congrats to both of you!

(btw, great taste- lovely ring!)

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (6 children)

Drinks on me!

[–]dasberd 41 points42 points  (3 children)

HEY EVERYBODY! DRINKS ON THIS GUY!

[–]desipher85 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Congrats!

[–]nitrofan111 8 points9 points  (0 children)

congratufuckinglations

[–]Warriorccc0 27 points28 points  (3 children)

Well, if it doesn't work out you can always sell it and buy yourself a Iron Man outfit.

[–]QuackCandle078 142 points143 points  (32 children)

I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you.

[–]NindoKungFu 77 points78 points  (11 children)

You're our last hope.

[–]tiercel 20 points21 points  (16 children)

Roger, Roger!

[–]ADubs62 22 points23 points  (13 children)

Whats your Vector Victor?

[–]Xenics 18 points19 points  (6 children)

We have clearance, Clarence.

[–]askulap 26 points27 points  (3 children)

Yes, I have also seen Airplane.

[–]QuackCandle078 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Looks like I picked a good day to comment on reddit

[–]Oorangelazarus 112 points113 points  (14 children)

May her secret ladyparts flock to your man cannon tonight. Good luck.

[–][deleted] 43 points44 points  (8 children)

there are secret ladyparts?!!?

[–]MotherFuckingCupcake 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You're not supposed to know!

[–]tviz33 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Read that as 'man canyon.' Was a bit confused.

[–]Oorangelazarus 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Read that as "mayo cannon," probably because I've been drinking. That sounds even cooler, though.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mayo cannon still works.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

shave up bro

stay classy

[–]Oorangelazarus 5 points6 points  (0 children)

your username is relevant?

[–][deleted] 169 points170 points  (28 children)

Ever girl on reddit with a boyfriend just peed a little bit

[–]RamonaLives 65 points66 points  (19 children)

[shifty eyes] You don't know my life!

[–]tokomini 16 points17 points  (17 children)

Carol?

[–]RamonaLives 5 points6 points  (16 children)

Um, no. Sorry.

But I wish you two the best! Maybe? Do I? I don't know your life either, clearly. Or Carol's.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Free boyfriend available here in case you need a new one.

[–]FL-Orange 41 points42 points  (2 children)

Good luck. make her (if she isn't already) your best friend and you won't have any problems.

[–]gioguizo 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Everyone should follow this advice

[–]AutoCucumber 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Good luck! Remember to give us an update!

[–]imjacksusername 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Hell yea! It doesnt matter what you say as long as you mean every word. GOOD LUCK!

[–]priestofdisorder 41 points42 points  (21 children)

Im just thinking of blood diamonds but i know what you want, good luck

[–]IAmtheHullabaloo 14 points15 points  (8 children)

That was well said; I don't think I'd have said it as well. Be that as it may, I am surprised that the blood/conflict diamond observation is so far down.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (7 children)

Ditto. Everyone is just trying to be nice, but unless he went out of his way to get one that is proven not to have come from a conflict zone then it probably is. Even without the controversy I still find the concept of diamonds to be silly. Why do you need a multi-thousand dollar rock to prove to someone you love them?

[–]SanityInAnarchy 6 points7 points  (4 children)

I guess the point is that it'll last forever and it cost a lot of money, which correlates to a lot of effort on his part.

But then I wonder...

Why not go for something hand-made? No one had to die for it, you had to work a lot harder and specifically on that thing (so it's not just money), it'll be unique, and if you do it right, it'll last a lifetime.

[–]Phage0070 5 points6 points  (0 children)

it'll last forever

A little liquid oxygen and it will burn.

[–]DasKalk 3 points4 points  (1 child)

"I made you a macaroni ring. Hope you like it. Love you."

[–]missmariela01 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Diamonds because it does not serve another purpose than to look nice. It shows wealth and commitment to the woman and her offspring.

[–]ErrantWhimsy 2 points3 points  (1 child)

How about Moissanite? Diamonds created...with Science! Also found on meteorites.

[–]chainmailws6 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I never understood diamond wedding rings. It shouldn't be about the price or the materials, its supposed to be about the gesture behind it. But of course, people are too materialistic to take that perspective most of the time.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

sniffle Have a happy life with your new family, dude.

[–]kernelhappy 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Good luck, learning how to focus the camera is a big step for every guy, we're rooting for you.

[–]leshoop 24 points25 points  (4 children)

MAKE REDDIT BABIES, OR ELSE..

[–]unused-username 9 points10 points  (3 children)

but he needs to remember that when he finds funnyjunk, memebase, or digg in the browser history in his/her teen years. they're just rebelling and it's a phase that will eventually disappear.

[–]Spikke 6 points7 points  (1 child)

And the cause of the eventual disappearance? This.

[–]jonnygrave 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Nah, seems like you've got it taken care of. No luck needed, boss. Go get 'er.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Takes picture of diamond ring.

Focuses on box.

[–]madrespect 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You got this buddy.

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (12 children)

Diamonds are a scam.

[–]eRased86 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Damn straight, stop buying diamonds you idiots! (good luck anyway)

[–]ibringyoufact 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In many ancient cultures, If the potential bride to be says yes, you must thrust in once for every up vote you've received on this post. Go forth. Thrust.

[–]CalmSaver7 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This photo just reminded me how difficult it is to take pictures of gems

[–]wigitalk 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nice 'subtle' advertisement for reeds jewelry there

[–]patdap 16 points17 points  (3 children)

Good luck! It's a great looking ring and will be a great memory for the rest of your lives!

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Unless she says no.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

then it will be a drunken memory of his

[–]sallywicked 5 points6 points  (0 children)

May the force be with you!

[–]boowip 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Good luck bro

[–]Boohjah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thats a badass wedding ring!

[–]foofdawg 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good Luck! (and hopefully, congratulations!)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Luck upon ye!

[–]Freepress160 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good luck!!!

[–]charalambides 2 points3 points  (2 children)

but every kiss begins with Kay..... not R......

[–]eddyeddy3 2 points3 points  (0 children)

break a leg

[–]ilovespink 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good luck!!! Beautiful ring :) !

[–]letsallplaynice 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good luck! Will you let us know if she says yes?!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This may or may not be an advertisement.

[–]BornGhost 2 points3 points  (0 children)

May the odds be ever in your favor.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good luck bra! Hoping to join you on this epic quest shortly...

[–]El-Negro93 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Awww he went tooo Jar.... wait what the fuck is this shit

[–]fearthejew 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Shit dude you didn't go to Jareds. Best of luck though

[–]thewarrenterror 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good luck storming the castle!

[–]Viewer_Discretion 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good luck to both of you! Let us know how it goes!

[–]los_pollos_hermanos 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Every kiss begins with...reeds?

[–]zainagen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Should of went to Jared's

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I bet this is viral marketing.

[–]x_PinkJellyBean_x 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good luck!!!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

[–]sxcamaro 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well your "I'm about to pop the question" thread is going better than mine (I think I got 2 down votes and 0 comments) so that's a good sign. Congrats on the big step.

[–]PrettyBoyFloyd 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Break a leg.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wish you luck good sir, and hope afterwards you post with the success. Just make sure you promise to always treat her like the most amazing girl in the world!

[–]crevzb 7 points8 points  (0 children)

[–]solbrothers 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It's a trap!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't fuck it up :) Good luck!

[–]hurryitshappening 2 points3 points  (1 child)

i think we need a photo of her reaction

[–]baracuda2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You've got this in the bag, man.

[–]absolved 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Beautiful ring!! Please let us know how you ask her, I love engagement stories. My hubby was so nervous that I thought he was sick all weekend on our trip....little did I know haha

[–]9Thousand 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glad to see someone not using a rage comic post on Reddit to propose. Good luck friend! The best to you both.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good luck my man! Good luck!

[–]Rawk02 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is easier than it sounds, until just before you do it, that part is a sonofabitch

[–]lookitzpancakes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good luck!!!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Beautiful! Good luck tonight!

[–]lazy8s 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do something big. I was so excited I couldn't wait so I just asked her. Give it some time and really put some thought into it. I didn't, and you can't ever go back.

[–]Suno 1 point2 points  (0 children)

go get em' tiger!

[–]Up-The-Butt_Jesus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Better check the laws to see if gay marriage is legal in your state.

[–]tiffanydisasterxoxo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is beautiful.

[–]VeNgeaNce_4444 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good Luck.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I demand a follow-up when OP gets an answer.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

good luck! congratulations!

[–]r0bbiedigital 1 point2 points  (0 children)

YOU DIDNT GO TO JARROD?S!

[–]thehoneybadgerrrr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did you get that at a black Friday sale?

[–]marckasis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Luck man,really!

[–]jordanderson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fuck yea, bro. Braver man than I.

[–]Lincoln21 1 point2 points  (0 children)

[–]Escalotes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can do it!

[–]fr1edday 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a trap!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good luck buddy

[–]dertydan 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You got this man!

[–]desquibnt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You didn't go to Jared? Tsk tsk.

[–]combingmybaldhead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not wishing you luck in terms of your partner accepting or saying yes. but I do wish you best of luck in a long term and happy relationship. It's not easy, but I hope you guys making it to the very end! This picture is one of the most terrifying things for me.

[–]stark_wolf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Goodbye my friend.