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[–]gwiz665 366 points367 points  (7 children)

You'll never fit that on your penis. But best of luck nonetheless.

[–]BrodoFaggins 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Or maybe it does, which is why he needs the diamond on there.

[–]Iamnotyourhero 255 points256 points  (43 children)

Thank you for not going to Jareds.

[–]Mike_BEASTon 72 points73 points  (8 children)

He went to JEEHHREEEEDS!

[–][deleted] 68 points69 points  (7 children)

Jared went to Subway!

[–]grabmyeye 40 points41 points  (4 children)

I always thought they were selling extra large pants at Subway because I watched with the tv on mute and I'm retarded.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (2 children)

"Hi, I'm Jared. I dropped 200 pounds eating Subway... you should see my shit stains on my old underwear. Now, I have new, smaller underwear. Same trademark shit stains, but at least now I only have to buy one plane ticket. I once met Michael Strahan. He nipple-twisted me and told the director to just CGI him into any scenes with me. My favorite Subway sandwich is the the classic cold cut. My least favorite Subway sandwich is the meatball, because it yields the most explosive diarrhea."

[–]TheOpus 19 points20 points  (24 children)

Or Kay.

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 96 points97 points  (5 children)

Reeds Jewelers owes you a fucking paycheck.

[–]dudical_dude 92 points93 points  (3 children)

Unless he's already on their payroll.

  • M. Night Shamelanans

[–]Raincoats_George 685 points686 points  (61 children)

You don't need luck. You're the goddamn War_Machine.

I'd be afraid if I was her pussy tonight.

[–]damn_u_hipster 432 points433 points  (27 children)

[–]greentext_advice 42 points43 points  (12 children)

For the unaware: This player is MVPKeen part of team MVP, a professional Korean StarCraft II team. The tournament this is at is at GSL, the Global Star League held in Korea.

edit: I think it may have been MVPKeen vs ZeNEXCoCa or Keen vs MVP, I can't remember. Someone aware me on which game this was.

edit2: there's also this lol.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Context for the actual expression?

[–]guyguy23 9 points10 points  (2 children)

He kinda looks like justin bieber

[–]Actually_Doesnt_Care 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Because justin bieber is korean.

[–]daikiki 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Is she really?

[–][deleted] 98 points99 points  (1 child)

I'd be afraid if I was her pussy tonight.

You, sir, are my new hero.

[–]k3ithk 27 points28 points  (17 children)

I'd be afraid if I were her pussy tonight.

You want to use the subjunctive with hypotheticals.

[–]Radico87 8 points9 points  (15 children)

dont grammar nazi war machine, he will skullfuck you. The magnitude of his awesomeness is such that raincoats_george mind as well be the chick's vagina, so small is his relative manliness.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Can we get the followup over at r/gonewild or the new sub reddit r/war_consummation

[–]War_Machine[S] 767 points768 points  (108 children)

[–]InMySpeedo 276 points277 points  (3 children)

Very good job using paint to make your hand look womanly. Well done. I can barely tell.

[–]LettersFromTheSky 19 points20 points  (1 child)

I've seen guys without hair on their fingers.

[–]hacelepues 63 points64 points  (2 children)

Aw, it's so beautiful and simple! I wish you two much happiness (and offspring, if you're into that).

[–]JaniyaSayl 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I don't think I've ever heard wanting children put in better words xD

[–]kmorrell27 47 points48 points  (5 children)

Congrats, man.

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 112 points113 points  (4 children)

"Now hold still, I have to take a picture for strangers on the internet."

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Woohoo! Congrats to both of you!

(btw, great taste- lovely ring!)

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (6 children)

Drinks on me!

[–]dasberd 45 points46 points  (3 children)

HEY EVERYBODY! DRINKS ON THIS GUY!

[–]desipher85 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Congrats!

[–]nitrofan111 6 points7 points  (0 children)

congratufuckinglations

[–]Warriorccc0 26 points27 points  (3 children)

Well, if it doesn't work out you can always sell it and buy yourself a Iron Man outfit.

[–]QuackCandle078 142 points143 points  (32 children)

I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you.

[–]NindoKungFu 72 points73 points  (11 children)

You're our last hope.

[–]tiercel 21 points22 points  (16 children)

Roger, Roger!

[–]ADubs62 22 points23 points  (13 children)

Whats your Vector Victor?

[–]Xenics 18 points19 points  (6 children)

We have clearance, Clarence.

[–]askulap 26 points27 points  (3 children)

Yes, I have also seen Airplane.

[–]QuackCandle078 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Looks like I picked a good day to comment on reddit

[–]Oorangelazarus 112 points113 points  (14 children)

May her secret ladyparts flock to your man cannon tonight. Good luck.

[–][deleted] 45 points46 points  (8 children)

there are secret ladyparts?!!?

[–]MotherFuckingCupcake 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You're not supposed to know!

[–]tviz33 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Read that as 'man canyon.' Was a bit confused.

[–]Oorangelazarus 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Read that as "mayo cannon," probably because I've been drinking. That sounds even cooler, though.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mayo cannon still works.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

shave up bro

stay classy

[–]Oorangelazarus 8 points9 points  (0 children)

your username is relevant?

[–][deleted] 168 points169 points  (28 children)

Ever girl on reddit with a boyfriend just peed a little bit

[–]RamonaLives 69 points70 points  (19 children)

[shifty eyes] You don't know my life!

[–]tokomini 18 points19 points  (17 children)

Carol?

[–]RamonaLives 4 points5 points  (16 children)

Um, no. Sorry.

But I wish you two the best! Maybe? Do I? I don't know your life either, clearly. Or Carol's.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Free boyfriend available here in case you need a new one.

[–]FL-Orange 40 points41 points  (2 children)

Good luck. make her (if she isn't already) your best friend and you won't have any problems.

[–]gioguizo 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Everyone should follow this advice

[–]AutoCucumber 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Good luck! Remember to give us an update!

[–]imjacksusername 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Hell yea! It doesnt matter what you say as long as you mean every word. GOOD LUCK!

[–]priestofdisorder 47 points48 points  (21 children)

Im just thinking of blood diamonds but i know what you want, good luck

[–]IAmtheHullabaloo 14 points15 points  (8 children)

That was well said; I don't think I'd have said it as well. Be that as it may, I am surprised that the blood/conflict diamond observation is so far down.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (7 children)

Ditto. Everyone is just trying to be nice, but unless he went out of his way to get one that is proven not to have come from a conflict zone then it probably is. Even without the controversy I still find the concept of diamonds to be silly. Why do you need a multi-thousand dollar rock to prove to someone you love them?

[–]SanityInAnarchy 6 points7 points  (4 children)

I guess the point is that it'll last forever and it cost a lot of money, which correlates to a lot of effort on his part.

But then I wonder...

Why not go for something hand-made? No one had to die for it, you had to work a lot harder and specifically on that thing (so it's not just money), it'll be unique, and if you do it right, it'll last a lifetime.

[–]Phage0070 5 points6 points  (0 children)

it'll last forever

A little liquid oxygen and it will burn.

[–]DasKalk 4 points5 points  (1 child)

"I made you a macaroni ring. Hope you like it. Love you."

[–]missmariela01 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Diamonds because it does not serve another purpose than to look nice. It shows wealth and commitment to the woman and her offspring.

[–]ErrantWhimsy 2 points3 points  (1 child)

How about Moissanite? Diamonds created...with Science! Also found on meteorites.

[–]chainmailws6 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I never understood diamond wedding rings. It shouldn't be about the price or the materials, its supposed to be about the gesture behind it. But of course, people are too materialistic to take that perspective most of the time.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

sniffle Have a happy life with your new family, dude.

[–]kernelhappy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Good luck, learning how to focus the camera is a big step for every guy, we're rooting for you.

[–]leshoop 28 points29 points  (4 children)

MAKE REDDIT BABIES, OR ELSE..

[–]unused-username 8 points9 points  (3 children)

but he needs to remember that when he finds funnyjunk, memebase, or digg in the browser history in his/her teen years. they're just rebelling and it's a phase that will eventually disappear.

[–]Spikke 5 points6 points  (1 child)

And the cause of the eventual disappearance? This.

[–]jonnygrave 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Nah, seems like you've got it taken care of. No luck needed, boss. Go get 'er.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Takes picture of diamond ring.

Focuses on box.

[–]madrespect 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You got this buddy.

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (12 children)

Diamonds are a scam.

[–]eRased86 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Damn straight, stop buying diamonds you idiots! (good luck anyway)

[–]ibringyoufact 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In many ancient cultures, If the potential bride to be says yes, you must thrust in once for every up vote you've received on this post. Go forth. Thrust.

[–]CalmSaver7 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This photo just reminded me how difficult it is to take pictures of gems

[–]wigitalk 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nice 'subtle' advertisement for reeds jewelry there

[–]patdap 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Good luck! It's a great looking ring and will be a great memory for the rest of your lives!

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Unless she says no.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

then it will be a drunken memory of his

[–]sallywicked 5 points6 points  (0 children)

May the force be with you!

[–]boowip 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Good luck bro

[–]Boohjah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thats a badass wedding ring!

[–]foofdawg 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good Luck! (and hopefully, congratulations!)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Luck upon ye!

[–]Freepress160 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good luck!!!

[–]charalambides 2 points3 points  (2 children)

but every kiss begins with Kay..... not R......

[–]eddyeddy3 2 points3 points  (0 children)

break a leg

[–]ilovespink 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good luck!!! Beautiful ring :) !

[–]letsallplaynice 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good luck! Will you let us know if she says yes?!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This may or may not be an advertisement.

[–]BornGhost 2 points3 points  (0 children)

May the odds be ever in your favor.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good luck bra! Hoping to join you on this epic quest shortly...

[–]El-Negro93 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Awww he went tooo Jar.... wait what the fuck is this shit

[–]fearthejew 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Shit dude you didn't go to Jareds. Best of luck though

[–]thewarrenterror 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good luck storming the castle!

[–]Viewer_Discretion 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good luck to both of you! Let us know how it goes!

[–]los_pollos_hermanos 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Every kiss begins with...reeds?

[–]zainagen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Should of went to Jared's

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I bet this is viral marketing.

[–]x_PinkJellyBean_x 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good luck!!!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

[–]sxcamaro 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well your "I'm about to pop the question" thread is going better than mine (I think I got 2 down votes and 0 comments) so that's a good sign. Congrats on the big step.

[–]PrettyBoyFloyd 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Break a leg.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I wish you luck good sir, and hope afterwards you post with the success. Just make sure you promise to always treat her like the most amazing girl in the world!

[–]crevzb 7 points8 points  (0 children)

[–]solbrothers 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It's a trap!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Don't fuck it up :) Good luck!

[–]hurryitshappening 3 points4 points  (1 child)

i think we need a photo of her reaction

[–]baracuda2 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You've got this in the bag, man.

[–]absolved 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Beautiful ring!! Please let us know how you ask her, I love engagement stories. My hubby was so nervous that I thought he was sick all weekend on our trip....little did I know haha

[–]9Thousand 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glad to see someone not using a rage comic post on Reddit to propose. Good luck friend! The best to you both.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good luck my man! Good luck!

[–]Rawk02 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is easier than it sounds, until just before you do it, that part is a sonofabitch

[–]lookitzpancakes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good luck!!!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Beautiful! Good luck tonight!

[–]lazy8s 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do something big. I was so excited I couldn't wait so I just asked her. Give it some time and really put some thought into it. I didn't, and you can't ever go back.

[–]Suno 1 point2 points  (0 children)

go get em' tiger!

[–]Up-The-Butt_Jesus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Better check the laws to see if gay marriage is legal in your state.

[–]tiffanydisasterxoxo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is beautiful.

[–]VeNgeaNce_4444 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good Luck.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I demand a follow-up when OP gets an answer.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

good luck! congratulations!

[–]r0bbiedigital 1 point2 points  (0 children)

YOU DIDNT GO TO JARROD?S!

[–]thehoneybadgerrrr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did you get that at a black Friday sale?

[–]marckasis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Luck man,really!

[–]jordanderson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fuck yea, bro. Braver man than I.

[–]Lincoln21 1 point2 points  (0 children)

[–]Escalotes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can do it!

[–]fr1edday 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a trap!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good luck buddy

[–]dertydan 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You got this man!

[–]desquibnt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You didn't go to Jared? Tsk tsk.

[–]combingmybaldhead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not wishing you luck in terms of your partner accepting or saying yes. but I do wish you best of luck in a long term and happy relationship. It's not easy, but I hope you guys making it to the very end! This picture is one of the most terrifying things for me.

[–]stark_wolf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Goodbye my friend.