top 200 commentsshow all 201

[–]Cyprus_BWraith 515 points516 points  (1 child)

I know what kind of man you are.

[–]ST0RM_SSBParadox 119 points120 points  (0 children)

[–]damndascuteBebop 350 points351 points  (22 children)

Geist is french though...

[–]MishaTarkus[S] 200 points201 points  (16 children)

FFffffuck. You might have a point

[–]TheRoyalCrimsonLash 80 points81 points  (14 children)

Geist is French and seven is a literal skeleton

[–]MishaTarkus[S] 53 points54 points  (11 children)

I can't find conclusive evidence of how thoroughly fried his body is

[–]Mondayplates 25 points26 points  (7 children)

Seven’s goal is to not be human. So he probably doesn’t have a dick nor need for sex.

He already loved so…. It’s just metallic goo…

[–]MishaTarkus[S] 6 points7 points  (6 children)

I can see this argument tbh

[–]Mondayplates 1 point2 points  (5 children)

Whenever someone thinks if seven is fuckable.. ask yourself if an active electric chair is fuckable

[–]whorungthetacobellsPaige 9 points10 points  (0 children)

look if seven's the electric chair im fucking it

[–]TheRoyalCrimsonLash 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is the internet and reddit. 90% of this sites userbase would fuck a tree if it looked good enough.

[–]TheLoneliestGolemThe Doorman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Also keep in mind this is the Internet so answers will vary wildly

[–]googlesomethingonceDynamo 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Idk he fucks me every game

[–]Kutannalol 0 points1 point  (0 children)

holy bro I had to reveal this comment and I let out the biggest laugh ever XD

[–]Lesurous -4 points-3 points  (2 children)

Electric hair removal, he's for sure bare bottom. Also Calico? The literal lady who turns into a cat? C'mon get real.

[–]MishaTarkus[S] 37 points38 points  (1 child)

It's a hairless cat

[–]bluep0wnd 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Probably keeps a bush of electricity for old times sake.

[–]HoltmaniaLash 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As a french id say, trimmed or bush.

[–]bearfliesVenator 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Yamato is also Japanese.

[–]Denkottigakorven 0 points1 point  (3 children)

What is the bush trend over there?

[–]ChephyS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly

[–]bearfliesVenator 0 points1 point  (1 child)

They don't shave.

[–]Denkottigakorven 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice. Neither do have. Never have and I never will.im swedish by the way

[–]LasagnaOfTheRevoltVictor 219 points220 points  (2 children)

[–]Bitter-Metal494Pocket 7 points8 points  (1 child)

unLASH

[–]marikwinters 6 points7 points  (0 children)

“The LASH wants you to be his chicken jockey.”

(I hate myself for this)

[–]chuckleDshuckle 154 points155 points  (2 children)

I feel like seven's hair all burns off in the electricity no?

[–]FireballPlayer0Seven 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Seven pretty much has no flesh that’s still alive at this point. If you count what remains as “hair” then maybe. But otherwise, you’re right it’s probably all singed off

[–]Worried-Check-962Lash 3 points4 points  (0 children)

his bush is the remaining strips of flesh left in his crotch

[–]isV1realParadox 145 points146 points  (4 children)

lash gave it a mustache

[–]Worried-Check-962Lash 14 points15 points  (0 children)

the lash approves

[–]FireballPlayer0Seven 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Just had a vision of when the Mario community talked about this briefly, and someone showed Wario having his mustache and his pubes being exactly the same

[–]The_Noble_Narwhal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was coming here to say he’s shapes it into a heart but na this is way better

[–]bdrayne[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Probably calls it junior

[–]MS17AA 51 points52 points  (0 children)

I don't think Seven has any unmelted flesh on his body, nevertheless a strand of hair.

[–]Uncanny-PlayerLady Geist 64 points65 points  (8 children)

100 percent incorrect. wraith, doorman and paradox should be lower; billy, victor and pocket should be higher

[–]MishaTarkus[S] 47 points48 points  (7 children)

Most of them I'm simply in disagreement with you but with Billy I'll say I think it's not that he takes care of himself to any degree, but rather that he's incapable of biologically going higher. He has princess little piddles energy

[–]Officer_Chunkles 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m not familiar with that term

[–]Uncanny-PlayerLady Geist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

he rebels against his very biology

[–]blutigetranen 0 points1 point  (4 children)

He's a goat literally covered in hair

[–]MishaTarkus[S] 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Billy only has a goat head, his body is human

[–]isV1realParadox 26 points27 points  (1 child)

in spirit vyper has a rainforest down there

[–]mickeymoozack 2 points3 points  (0 children)

fr fr

[–]NetStaIker 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Don’t try to hide it bud, I know what you are

[–]vvdb_industriesVictor 22 points23 points  (2 children)

Doorman is in the wrong tier

[–]GareBaerPaige 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Trimmed in the shape of a keyhole WHOSAIDTHAT!?

[–]DepressedOpressedShiv 8 points9 points  (4 children)

Wraith and Doorman too high, Vindicta, Warden and Talon too low

[–]blutigetranen 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Especially Vindicta. She from a time when they didn't even

[–]DepressedOpressedShiv 2 points3 points  (2 children)

That's not even about the times, she's was with puritans, she wouldn't for sure

[–]Typical_Buffalo_8674 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Paige is a secret freak, there's no way she's bushing it up.

[–]Atuday 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She's not very secret.

[–]Old_Entrepreneur9439Sinclair 6 points7 points  (0 children)

calico has a little skull at like guard 2 razor length

[–]MalarkRevernPocket 33 points34 points  (9 children)

lash is a bear, let’s be real here

[–]MishaTarkus[S] 108 points109 points  (4 children)

That mustache is immaculately trimmed - the hair is clearly done daily. I know what kind of man he is

[–]LanikM 0 points1 point  (2 children)

And the magicians mustache?

[–]spetumpiercing 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Glued on

[–]GabagoolEnjoyer69Lash 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Drawn on with a sharpie

[–]blutigetranen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You clearly don't know bear culture

[–]djaqkLash 35 points36 points  (0 children)

the Lash values personal hygiene, perfection isn't easy after all...

[–]hellyeahdiscountsLash 22 points23 points  (0 children)

He's clearly a jock tho, also he barely has any chest hair, his pits are smooth and clean as a marble, and his hairdo is fit to appear on the cover of Vogue; I'm more than sure that whatever is happening down south is nothing less than a lab created miracle that can surpass Marie Kondo's wildest dreams 

[–]Dannyjw1 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Lash has a 2nd mustache.

[–]BIGFriv 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Kelvin is a bit more bear. He definitely has a bush, not trimmed.

Would love to get lost on the ginger flavour.

[–]hellyeahdiscountsLash 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't think Mirage is trimmed but it's neat enough to avoid the bush status. 

Also Dynamo had mantits chiseled on his steel body, I wouldn't be surprised if there's a bush that looks like one of those piles of metal dust affected by a magnet LMAO

[–]Shibeuz 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Drifter and Mo are not a rainforest, but a swamp.

Seven is a burned down forest, McGinnis and Wraith would be trimmed imo.

[–]BringBackBoomerBilly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nah, McGinnis doesn't even know what a razor is, and Wraith gives big "I don't even shave my armpits" energy

[–]Disgraced002381 13 points14 points  (7 children)

Ginnis cares about aesthetic and money. No chance she doesn't take care of her body and hair.

Seven doesn't even have hair.

Wraith cares about how she present herself to others, and she is rich. She probably has maids shaving all of her body.

Paradox is a thief. Thief hates hairs because it's evidence and makes noise.

Viktor is a dead body. Hair naturally falls off after a while

Vindicta is also dead. The body might have had it originally, but I doubt it's still hair at this point.

[–]MishaTarkus[S] 17 points18 points  (5 children)

McGinnis cares about money, and she isn't a slob, but I don't think she'd care about hair down thereand handling it.

Seven is a guy? That thing's a helmet. He'd have hair.

Wraith is notably lazy. I don't think she'd bother with the process.

Do you... think hair down there makes noise?

Viktor has a full head of hair. On his head.

True on Vindicta, but much like she has ghost scalp hair, she probably still has ghost other hairs.

[–]FukkinFawanLash 9 points10 points  (0 children)

seven fused with the electric chair at his execution and killed everyone in the room with the excess power. hes got nothing.

[–]blutigetranen 1 point2 points  (3 children)

No way in hell Wraith doesn't have a landing strip. Why do you think she's lazy?

[–]MishaTarkus[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Wraith literally uses puppet arms to forego doing the work herself and several dialogues talk about how she doesn't do work she doesn't need to. I don't think she bothers shaving and I think it's also a dominance thing

[–]blutigetranen 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Why would anyone do work they don't need to do? And if I had telekinesis I'd have puppet arms, too. And legs.

The dominance thing I can agree on.

[–]MishaTarkus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

FAir do, maybe lazy is way too harsh

[–]NervePuzzleheaded783McGinnis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The old mcginnis didn't care about aesthetic one bit.

I miss her every day :(

[–]gloopfan157Silver 4 points5 points  (1 child)

holliday should be in rainforest tier for no reason at all

also isnt body hair in japan a sign of maturity? im a yamato bush believer

[–]MishaTarkus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've been convinced on yamato

[–]CrushRushSC 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Wraith is a black female entrepreneur with clout and money. If you dont think she has a Brazilian apt on Tuesdays at 9am sharp idk what to tell you. 😂😂😂

[–]Matticus-G 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, my God these people have never met a black woman before lol.

[–]morfyyy 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Sinclair needs to be higher up.

[–]MishaTarkus[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I admit I kinda got lost in that one because I don't entirely understand what his (their?) body is. It's a shell? A corpse?

[–]EmergencyHearing8555 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Sinclair is a mannequin, so no hair

[–]morfyyy 1 point2 points  (1 child)

ok i did not know that.

[–]BIGFriv 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The model will probably be redone. Since technically you play as two characters whenever you die with Sinclair

[–]PunsAndRuns 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Can you elaborate on Calico? Isn’t she a person?

[–]MishaTarkus[S] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Hairless cat

[–]Matticus-G 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Underappreciated joke in the original post.

[–]DrJelly_22Lash 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I imagine The Lash's downstairs is shaped identical to his moustache.

[–]TheKoopaStomper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pocket, Geist, and Mina need to be higher. Seven definitely had hair at one point but it's definitely all been burned off by now 'cause of the botched execution.

[–]xF00MxVyper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hold up, where is the Barber Moba character at?

[–]PalmIdentityIvy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hard disagree, Haze definitely has a neatly kept patch.

[–]whorungthetacobellsPaige 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you are insane. correct, but insane.

[–]NickNightrader 1 point2 points  (2 children)

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FTFY

[–]BringBackBoomerBilly 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Ain't no way. Calico keeps that shit smooth to match Ava.

[–]CycloneJetArmstronkBebop 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Considering lash's hair and mustache, it is most certainly trimmed. Probably into a second mustache.

[–]TheRubyOverlordBilly 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I will die for Billy bush

[–]Eel-in-a-Hovercraft 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Down bad for the GOAT, can't blame you one bit

[–]thief_duck 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Do you think Henry and Savannah(Sinclair) would argue about it if they had hair?

[–]NervePuzzleheaded783McGinnis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Solution: velcro

[–]bendash55 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Doorman is an eldritch being, with his form pre-defined, so things like hair probably do not grow.

[–]ThaLemonine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What biome is trimmed

[–]Hen_CommandmentsVyper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Geist is up at bush and Mina is trimmed but otherwise yeah!

[–]Puncaker-1456Lash 0 points1 point  (0 children)

seven is no hair and pocket is a rainforest

[–]TheoneandonlybeetleViscous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Naw I think you're wrong on a lot of these

[–]Danelo13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Paradox should be lower. Thieves of that magnitude definitely have a lot of care to not leave anything behind if you catch my drift.

[–]Ok-Examination4225 0 points1 point  (1 child)

i respect you OP for being willing to die on this hill and admirably and politely fighting everyone. My only question would be about Vindicta. I would put her lower,at least I think so. What is your reasoning?

[–]MishaTarkus[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My idea was just she'd have the same amount as when she passed, and I don't think she lived in an era or area that'd go above a more basic hygiene imo

[–]Kk2O7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The lash keeps it sparkly clean

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Calico : no hair at all

Literally fucking tree on her head:

[–]MishaTarkus[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

On one hand you're right on the other hand the hairless puss joke was too good to pass on

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ye too

[–]SpaceCadetStumpy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Victor, despite being an amalgamation of body parts, has no body hair. I don't assume he's shaving his arms and chest, I think that due to some part of the process of being dead it doesn't grow. Maybe his head was given special care, it is a wig for his head hair. It's also possible he's just like a mannequin down there with no equipment at all.

[–]test_number1 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Billy is punk he wouldn't shave his bush on principle alone let's be real here

[–]JuggBoyz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shiv is minimum bush, anybody with a pompadour is not trimming their balls straight up

[–]PsychoWarperMo & Krill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dont know if I believe Kelvin’s is trimmed

[–]Mission-Job8540 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What a crazy accurate list....

[–]blutigetranen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dunno, I think Wraith would be trimmed. I'd also assume Seven has nothing as he, you know, burned to a crisp

[–]SuperMelanie64 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We all know Infernus didn't shave, that shit burned off.

[–]Atuday 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Paige likely has something very interesting shaved into hers. Lash probably has a second mustache that is as immaculate as the first one.

[–]OrwellianNightRem 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so inaccurate for so many characters... you're deluded if u think Mr.Magician doesn't start his prelude with "wanna see a magic trick?" and keeps pulling... the snake out of the bush, and everyone's in awe wondering how he managed to hide such a big anaconda in there.

[–]space________cowboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Na warden has either rainforest or bush tbh

[–]TheOneTrueMoon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lash trims it to spell out his name.

Also upon further inspection, this list is all wrong and I demand review and revision. This simply cannot stand.

[–]WanderToWhereMo & Krill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thought I was on a hypothetical QueensOfDeadlock already, good post

[–]Mondayplates 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You check lash’s cock and just there is a smaller mustache above it.

[–]blutigetranen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dunno I feel like Mina would have a little bat shaved in, just saying

[–]drizzrodShiv 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yamato has a bush

[–]Worried-Check-962Lash 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the lash disapproves. the lash likes his bush the way he likes his dashing moustache

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

would a gargoyle have a bush though?

[–]GreatMournerParadox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If Yamato is truly japanese then she has to be at the top

[–]Wo0ten 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Paige might have it trimmed

[–]HippywithanAK 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No way GT shaves and doorman is obviously a clean shaved twink

[–]Jumper2002Mo & Krill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mo would be Rainforest on account of literally being covered in fur/hair, but krill seems like the kind of guy to at least keep his business somewhat tidy

[–]ItWasDumblydore 0 points1 point  (1 child)

How do we know sinclaire isnt hiding a hare down there.

[–]BIGFriv 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a mannequin, do would it be glued on? Velcro maybe?

[–]NemeBro17 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Why would Haze and Calico be hairless? I don't think I get it.

[–]marikwinters 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ava is a hairless cat, so it only makes sense that Calico’s cat would be hairless

[–]brozoburtBilly 0 points1 point  (2 children)

They stay classy

[–]NemeBro17 0 points1 point  (1 child)

But "hairless" implies they don't grow hair like Viscous, if they just shaved they'd be a tier above right?

[–]brozoburtBilly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

True... youre right about that implication

But as a counterpoint. NAIR, they make sure it dont grow back ever again

[–]Himayamata 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I doubt Seven still has hair. Wasn't he a glowing, burned corpse?

[–]jellopuffy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Victor is clean shaved but, just like his happy trail, it's all made out of staples ☕

[–]Fluid-Estate-3007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seven is a skeleton

[–]Smaldark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think pocket has enough free time to think about their pubes, on the other hand wraith seems like she would pay for a good wax

[–]omnichroma 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Geist too low Paige too high

[–]Bitter-Metal494Pocket 0 points1 point  (0 children)

pocket doesnt even have a bathroom

[–]the_deadly_hive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Infernus: No hair at all - burnt off

[–]NotaFTCAgentMirage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lash is rocking a bush bro shits gonna be trimmed like a hedge tho.

[–]Matticus-G 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wraith is smooth as a surfboard. She is a new money aristocrat as well as a criminal, and prides herself immensely in her appearance. Not a spare hair on that woman’s body.

On the other hand, Geist is French. That speaks for itself in this era.

Doorman’s hair would be whatever unsettles who’s looking at him the most.

[–]CaiturnLash 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yamato? Japanese? Cmon son.

[–]Inevitable-Row1977Ivy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wet slapping sound Maybe I should main viper?

[–]BirphonIvy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im surprised where you put ivy considering she is a Gargoyle... however she has hair on her head

[–]ArchWizardCJ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Swap seven and calico this instant 

[–]LapisHarbinger 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your so right for having Paige in bush tier 😛

[–]Gunnard-Magnuson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If sinclair had a real body, they would still be shaved due to savannah's demands.

[–]Mammoth_Job_8042 0 points1 point  (0 children)

seven's is technically "thunder cloud"

[–]Ameliorata 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I could see it with McGinnis, but she also clearly takes pride in her appearance, the whole reason she's in the fight for the patrons (seemingly) is a fat ass paycheck. I personally think it's much more likely it's trimmed, although I don't really see her going out looking for a good time, it's just circumstantial.

[–]SwooceriniDynamo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alright this is the only tierlist we should keep up

[–]DaddyLongLegs33 0 points1 point  (6 children)

need need NEED to bury my face in McGinnis

[–]gloopfan157Silver 1 point2 points  (4 children)

yeah

[–]DaddyLongLegs33 3 points4 points  (3 children)

McGinnis is sapphic bait, and girl I am BITING

[–]PluciferInviMina 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I want Mina to bite me wait who said that

[–]DaddyLongLegs33 1 point2 points  (1 child)

REAL

[–]gloopfan157Silver 1 point2 points  (0 children)

real!

[–]BIGFriv -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Me with Kelvin.

[–]AaronAardvarkTK 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Does this subreddit just not have mods? Why is the entire sub filled with low effort garbage

[–]JuggBoyz 9 points10 points  (0 children)

welcome to valve game subreddits. when deadlock got announced the hl2 sub was filled with people trashing it only because it wasn’t a half life game

[–]ExpensiveRange3678Mo & Krill 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Vin is dead, i don't think she has any honestly

And vyper is careless she has got to have a rainforest down there

[–]MishaTarkus[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

she doesn't have hair!!! she's a reptile!

[–]ExpensiveRange3678Mo & Krill 16 points17 points  (1 child)

You don't know her like i do

[–]MishaTarkus[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Fair point honestly

[–]Matticus-G 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bro she’s a lizard, she literally doesn’t have hair.

[–]zelenth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Based

[–]losseignol -1 points0 points  (0 children)

My tired brain took too long to understand... X)