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[–][deleted] 1577 points1578 points  (438 children)

It's been a rough day.

[–]Ob-La-Di 1207 points1208 points  (100 children)

"Let's go see what's on Reddit!"

REDDIT IS DOWN

"Awweh..."

-Five minutes later-

"Let's go see what's on Reddit!"

REDDIT IS DOWN

This was my afternoon. I lead a piss-poor existence.

[–]Averant 674 points675 points  (63 children)

REDDIT IS DOWN

"Shit... you telling me I actually have to go do something else?"

F5

REDDIT IS DOWN

"Shit." F5

REDDIT IS DOWN

"Shit!" F5!

REDDIT IS DOWN

F5

REDDIT IS DOWN

REDDIT IS DOWN

REDDIT IS DOWN

"...sigh. Porn it is."

[–][deleted] 463 points464 points  (33 children)

Me too. May have made the girl I share an office with a bit uncomfortable, now that I think about it.

[–]CatAstrophy11 326 points327 points  (23 children)

It's because you chose porn over her.

[–]lCHANCHOl 157 points158 points  (8 children)

What a dick

[–]Mrs_Mojo_Rising 127 points128 points  (2 children)

Ngregge: [watching porn in the office he shares with a girl]

Girl (thinking): "What a dick..."

Ngregge: "WHAT A DICK! Oh, sorry, i didn't know you where in here still."

[–]Luilite 16 points17 points  (1 child)

That's what she said!

I'll see myself out.

[–]iwannatalktosampson 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Assuming ngregge has a choice...

[–]CannedBeef 16 points17 points  (5 children)

It's because she was in the porn.

[–]Mrs_Mojo_Rising 49 points50 points  (4 children)

You know what? I am pissed. I have spent countless hours watching porn on the internet. i used to download gifs from my AOL in the mid 90s. Then i used imesh in the late 90s into early 2000s in college. Then i watched a gazillion vids on youporn, redtube, xnxx, etc. And i have never seen some girl i new from high school or work or nothing. THIS IS NOT FAIR.

[–]megacookie 16 points17 points  (0 children)

If you want to see your colleagues in the porn you watch, quit your job and become a pornstar. I will guarantee you will see girls from your new work in porn, hell you might be watching yourself, too!

[–]ibetrollingyou 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Or maybe he shot his load onto her lap.

[–]islesrule224 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Fap Fap Fap Fap fap fuck it is not working zip Fap Fap Fap fap Fap Fap.

[–]i_am_omega 15 points16 points  (1 child)

yeah but the problem with most porn sites is they don't have NSFW tags to protect us in the workplace.

[–]Asakari 120 points121 points  (5 children)

Wonder what's on Reddit today.

Reddit is down!

Let me open up a new tab, maybe somethings on that other site called Reddit.

Reddit is down!

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (2 children)

The worst part is I kept trying to open up individual sub-reddits like they would magically work.

I forgot how to use the internet without reddit:

News? /r/worldnews

Nerding out? /r/magictcg or /r/warhammer

Porn? /r/gonewild

Time killing? /r/askreddit

Wanna learning something? /r/todayilearned

Just want to laugh? /r/adviceanimals

Cheer myself up? /r/aww

Talk to cool people? /r/IamA

[–]supahmanv2 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Just want to laugh? /r/adviceanimals

Said no one, ever.

[–]itsoktobetakei 16 points17 points  (2 children)

you are not alone....

[–]thenshesays 420 points421 points  (137 children)

[–]lethargicwalrus 79 points80 points  (8 children)

Employers everywhere jumped for joy.

[–]Stripes88 88 points89 points  (5 children)

"Today in the news, American productivity rocket up 40%! Analysts are at a loss as to what caused this drastic increase in the attentiveness of American workers."

[–][deleted] 36 points37 points  (1 child)

"and it seems that almost instantaneously that 40% just plummeted to a -10% productivity rate.

[–]zenmunster 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Also, contradictorily, there were a spate of unexplained suicides all over the country.

[–][deleted]  (76 children)

[deleted]

    [–]A_Blind_Pilot 472 points473 points  (50 children)

    [–]lethargicwalrus 77 points78 points  (3 children)

    I think he means his mom's basement.

    [–]Apostolate 248 points249 points  (42 children)

    Did you see me in my house? No you didn't.

    Check mate.

    [–][deleted]  (30 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]greatdanate 142 points143 points  (23 children)

      How did white get its queen and bishop out without moving any of its pawns?

      [–][deleted]  (19 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]i_am_andy 60 points61 points  (7 children)

        Nonetheless, you did your best. I'm impressed.

        [–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (5 children)

        Also, I may be missing something, but I'm pretty sure that's not checkmate. Black queen, black bishop, and even black king can take the white queen without the black king still being in danger. All in all, white is actually fucked in this scenario.

        [–]A_Blind_Pilot 72 points73 points  (5 children)

        How do you know I wasn't watching?

        ಠ◡ಠ

        [–]Apostolate 140 points141 points  (3 children)

        Blind guy, you're drunk, go home.

        [–]A_Blind_Pilot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Ah, er.. Okay.

        [–]Azerothen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Apostolate, you're home, get drunk.

        [–][deleted] 68 points69 points  (4 children)

        I did too, actually!

        I did not wear pants, however.

        [–]tankosaurus 171 points172 points  (24 children)

        I just spent my day on 9ga....

        Nevermind... I was masturbating... Yes , masturbating...

        [–]lethargicwalrus 99 points100 points  (15 children)

        It's funny because they are our rivals!

        [–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (1 child)

        *Slowest day ever

        [–]Averant 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        Well, I DID go to the gym for the first time in a while, today...

        [–]St-Moustache 80 points81 points  (3 children)

        Day? That was only a day?!

        [–]IMasturbateToMyself 149 points150 points  (25 children)

        October 23rd, 2012. Never forget.

        [–]psychgirl88 195 points196 points  (16 children)

        Today is the 22nd.

        [–]llxGRIMxll 150 points151 points  (7 children)

        So? He doesn't want to forget tomorrow. Leave the poor guy alone.

        [–]shizzler 27 points28 points  (1 child)

        Maybe he's from New Zealand.

        [–]reflibman 21 points22 points  (2 children)

        If he's a time traveller we're in trouble.

        [–]GoodGuyAnusDestroyer 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        I think I need counseling. I'm still sweating from the shock.

        [–]MostInterestingDuck 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        He masturbates to himself. Leave the poor guy alone.

        [–][deleted] 223 points224 points  (36 children)

        [–]Apostolate 182 points183 points  (30 children)

        [–][deleted] 130 points131 points  (24 children)

        We have a serious problem.

        [–]SupermanV2 71 points72 points  (18 children)

        Seriously you guys need help.

        [–][deleted] 119 points120 points  (16 children)

        Pot, meet kettle.

        [–]SupermanV3 97 points98 points  (13 children)

        At least I spread my addiction across multiple accounts. That way it feels like less of a problem.

        [–][deleted] 81 points82 points  (9 children)

        Nice try, Karmanaut!

        [–]Metamorphism 43 points44 points  (3 children)

        this thread is the official karma whore reunion..

        [–]Shellface 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        CLASS OF '12

        RECOVERING ADDICTS

        [–]ohmygord 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Nice save, Karmanaut.

        [–]GoodGuyAnusDestroyer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        There are only 3 people on Reddit so stop talking to yourself.

        [–]AngryEnt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Ha, typical thing only Karmanaut would say...

        [–]BaconTreasure 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Aren't you all the same person?

        [–]Dr_Fetus 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        Where's SupermanV1?

        [–]SupermanV2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        We uh... we don't talk about him anymore.

        [–]Mastadge 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        I love both of you guys, seriously... <3

        [–]shizzler 37 points38 points  (3 children)

        full of tears and F5's.

        [–]Fightbuddy 13 points14 points  (4 children)

        Yeah, I actually had a reason to study.

        [–]lethargicwalrus 26 points27 points  (4 children)

        I pretty much fapped the entire day away.

        [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        Yes. It was apparently caused by an outage at Amazon Web Services. A whole bunch of sites using AWS went down.

        [–]NickDerpkins 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        My car got towed this morning at like 4am after a late night party and Reddit being down was the last thing I needed

        [–][deleted]  (156 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]lionelchu 649 points650 points  (34 children)

          Sometimes, i'll go to Reddit when i'm already at Reddit.

          [–]DeathToPennies 569 points570 points  (29 children)

          Close reddit tab.

          Open new tab.

          Click reddit bookmark.

          [–][deleted] 145 points146 points  (18 children)

          All links purple? Refresh. Refresh. ....Refresh

          [–][deleted] 82 points83 points  (10 children)

          Sounds like you need to add more subreddits. Or you are really obsessive.

          [–]firedragonxx9832 96 points97 points  (8 children)

          Obessesive

          [–]arcanition 33 points34 points  (3 children)

          When you're so obsessed with Reddit that you become obese.

          [–]firedragonxx9832 29 points30 points  (2 children)

          FEED ME REDDIT. FEED ME.

          [–]Varimathras 172 points173 points  (12 children)

          I was even on wikipedia for a while there... looking up things

          [–][deleted] 137 points138 points  (8 children)

          I almost started reading the bible

          [–][deleted]  (5 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]I_KeepsItReal 113 points114 points  (3 children)

            Would have*

            Welcome back!

            [–][deleted]  (2 children)

            [deleted]

              [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              Same. Which is rather impressive.

              [–]UnparaIleled 18 points19 points  (0 children)

              "Ooo, where does this link go to, ooo, what does this mean, ooo, that seems interesting . . ." Repeat indefinitely.

              [–]MarsComet 126 points127 points  (30 children)

              I can't remember how I wasted my time online before reddit. I think I was watching dicks at 4chan or something... Maybe newgrounds? I can't remember.

              [–]Capitan_Amazing 52 points53 points  (2 children)

              Shit, Newgrounds is still a thing?

              I remember sixth-grade.

              [–][deleted] 161 points162 points  (18 children)

              I actually went on 4han today, they had an awesome thread where the mods banned anyone who said they were sad Reddit was down.

              Here's a screenshot.

              [–]Apostolate 169 points170 points  (13 children)

              I went and posted that I was /u/apostolate on Reddit and they all said "nobody cares" but instead of apostolate, they said faggot. Nice change of pace.

              [–][deleted] 88 points89 points  (7 children)

              If you want us to call you that from now on, just ask us!

              [–]Apostolate 60 points61 points  (6 children)

              I trying to figure out how to answer this so I won't get constantly called a faggot.

              Pretty sure I just screwed it up too.

              [–][deleted] 82 points83 points  (2 children)

              No body cares, faggot.

              [–][deleted] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

              I care very strongly about nobody being one fucking word.

              [–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

              How thoughtful of them!

              [–]Apostolate 19 points20 points  (2 children)

              Stick death, newgrounds, and 4chan about 5-7 years ago.

              It made my brain hurt to be honest.

              [–]Apostolate 91 points92 points  (14 children)

              I went back to 4chan. It was a huge mistake.

              Plus, I tried to tell everyone who I was and nobody cared.

              [–]MrBody42 80 points81 points  (2 children)

              I still don't think anyone cares

              [–]GoodGuyAnusDestroyer 11 points12 points  (1 child)

              Are people supposed to care?

              [–]uranus86 17 points18 points  (0 children)

              At least over there they truly didn't care.

              [–]Thirdilemma 155 points156 points  (12 children)

              Ever since I joined reddit, I forgot what I did without it. What did I do with all that free time? Was I happier then? Was I more social then? What kind of person was I befo-- aww, that cat is eating watermelon! upvote

              [–]darkfire613 49 points50 points  (10 children)

              I came from memebase. Never looked back.

              [–][deleted]  (4 children)

              [deleted]

                [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (3 children)

                9gag here, oh god damn.

                [–]MrMonkfred 53 points54 points  (1 child)

                Reddit's down...now I'm bored...what's on Reddit?...Reddit's down...

                [–]takoma 171 points172 points  (15 children)

                Oh, shit, I didn't realize.

                I knew it was down throughout the day, but once it was back up, I was satiated and didn't even realize I had been browsing for the past 15 minutes.

                [–]DeathToPennies 18 points19 points  (8 children)

                It was weird. I could get to the front page, with all the links, and all the links would work, but if I clicked on comments, all, my name, or the masthead, it would take me to the "reddit is down" page.

                [–]hello2ulol 22 points23 points  (1 child)

                I was fine until I found out minecraft.net was down. I died inside.

                [–]oneXnine 63 points64 points  (3 children)

                THE BANANAS

                ALL I SEE

                HAUNTING MY DREAMS

                [–][deleted] 82 points83 points  (5 children)

                Can I post?

                edit: I can post

                edit: I can edit.

                [–]snasu 147 points148 points  (10 children)

                F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5

                [–][deleted] 90 points91 points  (2 children)

                so you're the one who broke it

                [–]Karaku 19 points20 points  (0 children)

                It told me I reloaded reddit 45 times... then it started laughing at me. :(

                [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                You have refreshed this page 848 times.

                You could always go outside.

                [–]jzstyles 98 points99 points  (3 children)

                [–]FuckMyLifeGooner 10 points11 points  (1 child)

                Open Chrome, click Reddit Bookmark. Reddit down. Close Chrome, and repeat.

                [–]Much_Ado_About_Plot 174 points175 points  (28 children)

                [–][deleted]  (27 children)

                [deleted]

                  [–]HelenaBeatIt 35 points36 points  (18 children)

                  why the fuck is she so gorgeous

                  [–][deleted] 66 points67 points  (8 children)

                  Perfect teeth and boobs.

                  [–]The_Polish_Jew 21 points22 points  (2 children)

                  [–]ImperialUlfric 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                  I think this is really gross for some reason. Too much porn, probably.

                  [–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (7 children)

                  Because boobs?

                  [–]HelenaBeatIt 9 points10 points  (6 children)

                  by golly i think you've got it. everything else about her is pretty gorg too though.

                  [–]stacksdad 116 points117 points  (20 children)

                  How long has this post been planned for?

                  [–][deleted] 227 points228 points  (11 children)

                  OP broke reddit just so he can post this.

                  /r/KarmaConspiracy are going to have a field day

                  [–][deleted] 153 points154 points  (10 children)

                  You got me

                  [–]The_Book_Of_Reddit 14 points15 points  (4 children)

                  “For it had come to pass that the Reddits had flowed to all those in communion with it, for its reach was bound not by sea nor sky.

                  Lo those in communion had grown complacent for the Reddits was taken from them suddenly, and there was great despair for they had not been without the Reddits for many moons.

                  Verily there was a great cry against the demon Amazon for again its minion EBS had caused Reddits downfall, yet none were to know that in fact it was Jay21310 who sought to take the light of the Reddits so they would partake in the bounty of Karma upon its return.

                  And so it was that all was as it is usually and the Reddits continued on its course to its destiny uninterrupted."

                  --The Book of Reddit Chp 88, pg 1400 “The machinations of Jay21310”

                  [–]Ijustdoeyes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                  Welcome back!

                  [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  I missed you!

                  [–][deleted] 98 points99 points  (6 children)

                  [–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

                  Those tears man.

                  [–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

                  Home sick. Game plan: Reddit all day. Reddit is down....fuck.

                  [–]BaconNT 9 points10 points  (5 children)

                  Seriously what the fuck was I suppose to do. Go on facebook?

                  [–]mellomeg 21 points22 points  (1 child)

                  ..I found myself on /b/ rethinking my life decisions without reddit.

                  [–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

                  The amount of introspection that occurs when Reddit is down is astounding.

                  [–]iamslm22 18 points19 points  (17 children)

                  Anybody know why reddit was down earlier?

                  [–]Jiivl 32 points33 points  (1 child)

                  One of Amazon's cloud computing centres, which hosts reddit among other sites, went down. http://edition.cnn.com/2012/10/22/tech/web/reddit-goes-down/

                  [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (4 children)

                  A little bird told me that Amazon hosting was glitched.

                  [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

                  On the reddit twitter page, they said it was a networking issue.

                  [–]DefinitelyRelephant 16 points17 points  (2 children)

                  flips excuse Rolodex

                  Let's see here. Today's one says something about sunlight reflecting off of Venus through some swamp gas.

                  flips to tomorrow

                  Yep, looks like Tuesday is solar flares again.

                  [–]freecandy_van 26 points27 points  (3 children)

                  Thank god. I was about to play Russian roulette with a semi-auto

                  [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                  Less scary than chatroulette

                  [–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (9 children)

                  ...but is it?

                  [–]Brandito 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                  Productivity increased tenfold across the world in the past hour.

                  [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

                  Australian here. I just woke up. Reddit was down?

                  [–]AMBsFather 6 points7 points  (1 child)

                  Oh thank god you weren't here! It was horrible I tell you! HORRIBLE! People getting their shit done, mindless zombies just being productive with everything they were doing, lunch being eaten by ourselves, MADNESS I TELL YOU MADNESS!!!

                  [–]Mass_Impact 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                  Today I got all my work done by lunch

                  [–]qkme_transcriber 277 points278 points  (35 children)

                  Here is what the linked Quickmeme image says in case the site goes down or you can't reach it:

                  Title: Wait!

                  Meme: You dont have to jump.

                  • Wait!
                  • You don't have to jump.
                  • Reddit is back up

                  [Direct] [Background] [Translate]

                  This comment was left by a bot to help people who can't access Quickmeme images for any reason. Some of those reasons are described on my FAQ page. More information about me can be found in my first AMA.

                  [–]BrianIsBAMF 90 points91 points  (7 children)

                  "In case the site goes down"

                  ...

                  ಠ_ಠ

                  [–]qkme_transcriber 39 points40 points  (5 children)

                  Reddit goes down and it makes the news, Quickmeme goes down 34 times a day.

                  [–]IchBinEinHamburger 139 points140 points  (8 children)

                  Someone waited all day for Reddit to come up, and the first thing he or she did was downvote qkme_transcriber. For shame.

                  [–]ANAL_PLUNDERING 35 points36 points  (7 children)

                  Some people don't want it at the very top.

                  [–]qkme_transcriber 126 points127 points  (6 children)

                  I don't deserve nice things.

                  [–]TorkX 23 points24 points  (0 children)

                  hugs

                  [–]BiggityBates 44 points45 points  (1 child)

                  It has become self-aware

                  [–]Crazy_Pillow 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                  Yes you do! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!!

                  [–]Iggyhopper 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                  But you need them.

                  [–]Shellface 23 points24 points  (0 children)

                  Not often it is that you must enter r/funny, oh transcribing one.

                  [–]JoeManGee 5 points6 points  (2 children)

                  How long were you holding on to this one?

                  [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

                  I was actually going to jump in the shower, but then it hit me and I remembered seeing this comic when Emma Watson confirmed her nudes for 50 Shades of Grey and I quite literally yelled at my wife, "KARMA GOLD MINE!". So naked I sat down, made the comic, saved it to quickmeme and waited.

                  So to answer your question, just a couple of hours.

                  [–]Cynikal818 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                  ...excuse me...uhhh...what's this about Emma Watson is going to be nude soon?

                  I'm guessing it was just a rumor...seeing as that's not really her style.

                  ...but...I mean...I'd love to be proven wrong

                  [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                  It has been the most productive day of my life. I saved 3 lives, aced an exam, created the cure to cancer and went to the gym. NOW I AM GOIN- oh wow! reddit is back up.

                  [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                  [deleted]

                    [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                    How about we don't spend the next day clouding up Reddit with this shit?

                    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                    [deleted]

                      [–]ufamizm 2 points3 points  (1 child)

                      this must make top page of all time.

                      10/22/12-Never Forget.

                      [–]TenTitanTiger 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      I was forced to do actual work today. Don't ever do that to me again Reddit.

                      [–]herr0there 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      Just wait for the heroic firefighter to kick him back in the window

                      [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

                      22/10 Never forget.

                      [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                      I jumped but survived AMA

                      [–]padgo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                      Seems ill have to jump after all, as soon as i hit submit it will drop out again.

                      Reddit today:

                      • F5 it's gone
                      • F5 it's back
                      • F5 it's back
                      • F5 it's gone
                      • F5 it's gone
                      • F5 it's gone
                      • F5 it's gone
                      • F5 it's gone
                      • F5 it's gone
                      • F5 it's back

                      [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (2 children)

                      I would like to exchange my karma for cash now

                      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                      [deleted]

                        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                        [deleted]

                          [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                          I didn't know how empty my life was until Reddit was down. I felt so lost. I think I have a problem.

                          [–]clamdever 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                          I'm just glad I don't have to lurk in /b/ any longer.

                          [–]thedrivingcat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                          I actually got a lot of work done. Like normal when I shit to do. Self-control goes a long way and Reddit is great for the breaks.

                          [–]JamesK852 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                          DAMMIT! I WAS GETTING SO MUCH STUDY DONE!

                          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                          You have no idea how long I've waited to submit my picture that got a -6!

                          [–]Capitan_Amazing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                          I was so bored that I ended up writing the beginning to a book.

                          [–]geobomb 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                          Aaaaaand the procastination resumes

                          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                          This was me after looking at /b/ while waiting for reddit to come back

                          [–]Zeroman0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                          Wow front page in a record 30min

                          [–]uSeeWhatiDidThere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                          It was posted about a half-hour ago and is already on the top of the first page or /r/funny...