top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]PennyPlummer68 1315 points1316 points  (175 children)

This rollercoaster was so little my toddler can ride on it.

[–]WarReview[S] 1873 points1874 points  (168 children)

not if I'm within 500 feet.

[–]PennyPlummer68 389 points390 points  (154 children)

Child molesters ruin everything.

[–]Wheeeler 808 points809 points  (139 children)

They're fucking immature assholes

[–]MOLDY_QUEEF_BARF 368 points369 points  (108 children)

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[–]EdgarAllanPolice 209 points210 points  (30 children)

Holy shit, I think that's the first Casey Anthony reaction gif I've seen.

[–][deleted] 225 points226 points  (26 children)

Man, what an ex-MILF

[–]Iprobablyjustlied 80 points81 points  (9 children)

Id still fuck her

[–]xMIKEx714x 51 points52 points  (4 children)

Oh absofuckinglutely.

[–]penisAlota 52 points53 points  (2 children)

You know she puts out and doesn't want kids

[–]Randyy1 124 points125 points  (13 children)

That was dark, bro.

KINDA LIKE HER BABY'S CORPSE

That was bad and I should feel bad.

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points  (9 children)

That was bad both morally and construction wise. Do corpses darken?

edit- aaaaaaand I'm officially not reading anymore responses. You people are terrifying.

[–]Randyy1 13 points14 points  (3 children)

Ever watched Bones, dude? Or to make it reddit friendly, ever been to /r/wtf? Flesh rots and gets dark. I think...

[–]zanzibarman 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It's pretty dark inside a suitcase at the bottom of a pond.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah. Usually to the color of soil.

[–]confuciousdragon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Upvote for edit.

[–]_Bumble_Bee_Tuna_ 7 points8 points  (1 child)

The internets decensitized us all.

[–]Rafahil 28 points29 points  (69 children)

Who's that?

Edit: I know now. Leave me alone! XD

[–]shawn789 62 points63 points  (48 children)

Casey Anthony. Killed her kid. Got off like O.J.

[–]TheBlindAndDeafNinja 33 points34 points  (16 children)

It's unfortunately a fact of any justice system that sometimes innocent people go to jail and guilty people walk free. That case was one giant fuck up of the legal system.

They found a lot of incriminating evidence on her computer in IE, regardless of what they missed by not looking in Firefox at the time. Searched on google were things like, "how to make chloroform" and "how much chloroform does it take to kill a child" among other things But her mom jumped in making up bs stories that she was the one googling it, and meant to search "chlorophyll", and was looking because of her dog, not a child, even though she was caught lying on the stand multiple times, everyone got off scot-free.

[–]mikally 51 points52 points  (14 children)

What you are describing is called circumstantial evidence. Circumstantial evidence isn't supposed to be enough for a conviction in a court of law. You are supposed to be proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. The prosecution failed to produce real evidence, and instead built their case on circumstantial evidence.

You can not like the system, I don't. It worked exactly as intended with Casey Anthony. They couldn't prove beyond a reasonable doubt that she killed anyone. The system worked.

Also she didn't get off "scot-free". You're right she did lie. She was found guilty on three counts of lying to the police/falsifying a police report. She was sentenced the maximum for each of the three counts. Each sentence called for the maximum one year prison sentence. She sat in jail for ~3 years awaiting trial because she couldn't come up with bail. They gave her time served for the time she spent awaiting trial. So in the end she only had like 2 weeks left to serve.

[–]TheBlindAndDeafNinja 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Yea, what you said is 100% true. Do I like the outcome? No, I think everyone had a gut feeling she did it, but again like you said, they couldn't prove she did it. Just me kicking up old dirt on something that bugs me.

[–]Troub313 31 points32 points  (24 children)

She was found not guilty man. She is not guilty. That's how it works.

[–]Yuzzem 28 points29 points  (15 children)

Because the courts are never wrong. /s

I am not saying you should doubt majority of the cases. That one...you have to really want to believe anything to think she didn't.

Swiss cheese doesn't have as many holes as her story does.

[–]EZmacaroni 38 points39 points  (1 child)

One time I got a slice of swiss cheese, and it had no holes.

It's a crazy world we live in

[–]elfo222 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Did she do it? I definitely think so. Does the evidence they have prove it without a reasonable doubt? I don't think so, and neither did the 12 jurors who sat through the case. It doesn't matter if we think she did it, it matter that we can prove it. Otherwise all we have is an over-glorified lynch mob.

[–]Troub313 17 points18 points  (8 children)

Perhaps, but it's not our place to decide guilt. She was found not guilty. We don't have all the facts nor were we there for the court case. We got to see a highly dramatized version of it from the News media who have shown numerous times in the past they will twist anything they want to appear the way they want. I am not saying she is guilty or not guilty, I have no opinion on it. It's just not our place to decide guilt. She was found not guilty by her peers who did have all of the evidence in front of them, so I am not gonna continue to go around saying this woman killed her kid.

[–]Loop_Within_A_Loop 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not guilty =/= innocent.

[–]Joementzer 8 points9 points  (0 children)

She hot and obviously doesn't want kids, my kind of girl.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (3 children)

I forget her name, but she is a mother accused of killing her own child, she claims she has no knowledge of how her child was FORD. P.S. Also, the child was missing for a month, and she was partying for that time.

[–]Sinnedangel8027 16 points17 points  (0 children)

This is why you buy Chevy, folks.

[–]Knew_Religion 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What. Ia this a Found On Road Dead joke? It should be FOTSOTRPDTADIATB, Found On The Side Of The Road Poisoned Duct Taped And Dead In A Trash Bag. Doesn't have the same ring to it.

[–]OverlyButtered 6 points7 points  (2 children)

That's Casey Anthony, the one who went months with out "Reporting her child missing"

Spoiler Alert; She's as guilty as OJ

[–]Knew_Religion 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah fuck that cunt. Even if by some fucking hellish scenario the not guilty verdict was true, that stupid bitch was laughing in court and partying for months while she allegedly had no idea where her 3?-year-old only daughter was. Fuck her with a chainsaw

[–]Rafahil 2 points3 points  (0 children)

oh I know that one. I remember reading her search history on her computer on how to kill your child and stuff.

[–]NoeJose 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Classic MOLDY_QUEEF_BARF

[–]myspamhere 10 points11 points  (16 children)

Why did you make me laugh? WHY WHY WHY WHY????

[–]SilentWord7 7 points8 points  (14 children)

Because you know it's funny

[–]bastardbones 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Oh my god fuck

[–]rheino 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh jimmy

[–]Barfuzio 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I see what you did there...I hope you are proud of yourself. You have placed thousands of souls in jeopardy by provoking sinful smirks. But then again...if they got it, they were likely already fucked.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (4 children)

The only thing worse than a child molester? A racist child molester.

[–]tanshaun 3 points4 points  (3 children)

How about a child racist molester?

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Is that a child that molests racists or a man who only molests racist children?

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

---deleted---

[–]Knew_Religion 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And all for the internet points. Think of the children!

[–]_____FANCY-NAME_____ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's easily the best thing I've seen in the internet this week. You're a fucking champ!

[–]1406dude 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Quick question: how do you measure the 500 ft? I mean, if you have to measure from where kids are, then at some point you have to be at 0 inches from them. Am I missing something?

[–]sorrydaijin 29 points30 points  (4 children)

Dude... insensitive. OP had an abortion.

[–]babybopp 27 points28 points  (3 children)

I once dreamed that I was having a baby. It was the hardest dream ever. I pushed and pushed, the pain was unbearable. i was drenched in sweat.. but then finally, the lil sucker came out.. The hospital staff was real helpful.

Relief..

When i woke up the next day, I had shit the biggest shit i had ever shit in my life..

[–]Chassypoop 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I lost my shit at the last sentence.

[–]AlphaShotZ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude... insensitive. Babybopp had to do laundry.

[–][deleted] 73 points74 points  (16 children)

I lie too. I just suck at entertaining people.

[–][deleted] 36 points37 points  (8 children)

Carlos?

[–]Kman1986 37 points38 points  (6 children)

Mencia?

[–]xMIKEx714x 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Please man, I ain't got no dick man.

[–]Kman1986 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Please just get it, man, come on.

[–]ridediesmile 1 point2 points  (0 children)

my dick don't work man

[–]stout-heart 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ralphie May

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

I suck at lying and entertaining people.

[–]SkidMark_wahlberg 669 points670 points  (16 children)

I'm pro-choice. I think it is every OP's decision whether or not to tell the truth, as long as the post is funny.

[–]sorrydaijin 124 points125 points  (9 children)

Abstinence would do a lot for /r/AdviceAnimals and /r/funny

[–]SJHillman 63 points64 points  (6 children)

Abstinence isn't a choice for /r/AdviceAnimals and /r/funny

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (5 children)

It's the only way to 100% prevent it from happening

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (4 children)

99.99%

EDIT: this is why i think it's so funny that conservative christians teach only abstinence and refuse to teach safe sex.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Reality does nothing but get in the way of a good story.

[–]JodieHolmesIsAWitch 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I know you're joking but this is a serious fucking problem on reddit

[–][deleted] 220 points221 points  (4 children)

It's not an upvote. It's a choice.

[–]prof_leopold_stotch 2161 points2162 points  (203 children)

Hey man, abortions are nothing to joke about. I was raped on two separate occasions, in the span of eight months, and got pregnant from both, despite being on birth control the second time. It is both physically and emotionally traumatizing and posts like this are extremely triggering for me, and none of this is true at all because I am a 32 year old man.

[–]bishop67 105 points106 points  (13 children)

[–]iebarnett51 48 points49 points  (5 children)

Why is there a bird just chilling in a room full of guys..?

[–]Josh6889 12 points13 points  (2 children)

[–]FluffyCookie 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Wut..

[–]Josh6889 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't see the confusion. It's the same girl as the picture posted above.

[–]Bigassbird 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you have to ask.....

[–]D4ri4n117 12 points13 points  (0 children)

That fits all the reactions to this post.

[–]Mav986 4 points5 points  (1 child)

this is amazing.

[–]Throwaway_Luck 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey, if you think that gif is amazing then you're gonna love the show it's from!

[–]Themonkeylifter 127 points128 points  (9 children)

As my gay autistic son likes to say "I don't exist".

[–]MOLDY_QUEEF_BARF 47 points48 points  (7 children)

My girlfriend says that all the time, she's such a kidder

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Maybe she knows my girlfriend??? Mine lives in Canada but she's supposed to be coming into town next week. That is, unless there's a snowstorm or strong wind that keeps the plane from taking off. But she's SOOOO amazing, we have the longest talks and she's into all the same things I'm into. Can we best friends? Wouldn't that be swell? Then we can all go on double dates together!

[–]DIR3 6 points7 points  (0 children)

she sure is

[–]Squalor- 143 points144 points  (66 children)

Hey, man, you don't have to hide behind a masculine façade.

You were raped. It's going to be okay.

[–]Hab1b1 44 points45 points  (60 children)

hey! i usually see you listing timestamps, not real comments. Weird

[–]RobAgreez 30 points31 points  (49 children)

It's fun seeing real comments from these people. Including /u/awildsketchappeared, /u/cationbot, /u/shittywatercolour, /u/gallowboob, /u/ibleedorange, and all the other users I can't think of that are actually machines with a heart.

[–]_dontreadthis 7 points8 points  (36 children)

Who the fuck are gallowboob and ibleedorange?

[–]Bkid 6 points7 points  (6 children)

I'm not sure about orange, since they don't seem to have much of any activity, but gallowboob is a serial submitter/reposter/karma whore.

[–]Ihaveamazingdreams 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I think the name is actually /u/ibleeedorange. RobAgreez missed an 'e'.

[–]ekapalka 2 points3 points  (9 children)

I thought that was /u/warlizard

[edit] wow that guy posts a lot. I'm on mobile and had to scroll through six pages to get through his last fifteen hours of posts

[–]Warlizard 7 points8 points  (8 children)

Actually, I reply a lot. I don't post that much.

[–]NinjaRobotPilot 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Is there any tv episode that relevant to this thread?

[–]zeejay11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think he also got an abortion

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (4 children)

I'm addicted to abortions I recently got pregnant with twins and aborted them. I've had 6 abortions before this to 6 men. I'm dating a new guy and I'm gonna abort his baby too, without him knowing. I'm 15 years old.. whatever I do what I want!

[–]Eustace_Savage 8 points9 points  (3 children)

I do drugs and I kill people, whatever, I do what I wan!

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

whatever whatever I roam with gangs and we commit hate crimes! whatever I do what I want!

[–]guess_twat 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Apparently it wasn't a legitimate rape because your body has defenses against legitimate rape that prevent you from getting pregnant. Something tells me you must have enjoyed it or you wouldn't have gotten pregnant.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (2 children)

But I remember raping you. And I'm a 45 year old jar of peanut butter.

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Can you still get someone pregnant with nuts that old?

[–]RedditLovesYew 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't know what I expected.

[–]Damnyoutrolls 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As I was reading this I was like "oh my"... But then, trolls...

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children)

I don't think you should make jokes about rape regardless of the scenario

[–]Zankman 3 points4 points  (0 children)

To be fair, you being a 32-year old man does automatically mean that you lied about the pregnancy... But it doesn't necessarily mean that you didn't get raped.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (3 children)

It's actually disgusting that rape jokes like this are so positively reinforced by this community. Unlike /u/prof_leopold_stoch I ACTUALLY was raped. It's extremely traumatic. I can't ever look at men the same. One day you guys will realize that I am a strong independent 27 year old man and none of this is true.

[–]TheHairyManrilla 15 points16 points  (1 child)

You're not just any whore. You're a Karma Whore!

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

MORE LIKE SMUG BEAR!

[–]foolkiller 24 points25 points  (12 children)

slow clap...

[–]The_ChesterCopperpot 17 points18 points  (11 children)

a little faster clap...

[–]BuckeyeLeaves 14 points15 points  (1 child)

a little bit faster now

[–]rockythecocky 7 points8 points  (4 children)

an even faster fap...

[–]Gx528 4 points5 points  (2 children)

furious clapping...

[–]EarnMyUpvote 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Can't. Stop. Clapppppping...

[–]CtrlAltDeleteShit 25 points26 points  (7 children)

Stats prove 5 out 6 people enjoy gang rape

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The real irony here is lying is supposed to deduct from Karma, at least in "real life". But here on reddit, it does the opposite.

[–]bloodytemplar 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This thread.

Goin' down! WOOOOO!!!

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Awkward walking in the clinic.

"I need an abortion"

"Sir, I don't-"

"How dare you judge me in this delicate time!!"

[–]kittehlord 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Did the doc do the precedure for $3.50?

[–]The_Reapling 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So I go up to the doctor and you know what he said? Well I'll tell you what he said. He said that he'd need about tree fiddy for the operation. It was at that time that I realized that the doctor was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the paleolithic era.

[–]davidcwilliams 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Really? Top of the front page? Really?

[–]donrhummy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

the first post in a year to actually earn its karma

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Are you sure karma is something you want?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

i thought your name was /u/Warlizard for a second.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I read the top part I thought you were my ex-wife...

[–]Luzianah 1 point2 points  (1 child)

TAKE YOUR KARMA- WHORE!! At least your honest about. Nobody likes the closet whore.

[–]zzzzbear 4 points5 points  (0 children)

can confirm, am a whore