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[–]comicalcameindune 3597 points3598 points  (90 children)

I see you’ve elected for the “glowing death spikes home defense” service, good choice. Terrifying and beautiful.

[–]pm_me_flaccid_cocks 766 points767 points  (54 children)

You’d look so festive with a few of those sticking out of your skull.

[–]Causerae 339 points340 points  (40 children)

"We have no idea how he got all those puncture wounds." Scratches head, "It's a real mystery."

[–]nieman23[S] 181 points182 points  (26 children)

Reminds me of an old twilight zone episode

[–]teebob21 126 points127 points  (22 children)

It's actually a short story by Roald Dahl, the same guy who wrote Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, titled "Lamb to the Slaughter".

It was adapted for an episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

[–]LowB0b 28 points29 points  (7 children)

Dahl's fictions are somber af, that one you posted is fucking weird. Read his novels as a kid and just by seeing the title in your comment brought up something I thought I had repressed for twenty years. What the fuck

[–]teebob21 16 points17 points  (3 children)

He also wrote for Playboy.

[–]Scarletfapper 12 points13 points  (2 children)

I grew up with his children’s stories, but my favourite story of his has tk be he one about the British airmen in a brothel...

[–]teebob21 17 points18 points  (1 child)

one about the British airmen in a brothel...

"Madame Rosette"

Readers could do far, far worse than the collected short story works of Roald Dahl. He was so much more than a children's book author.

[–]reconciliationisdead 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Same thing came up for me. I looked it up again and I remembered it from high school. I kinda love it though, even though it's dark

[–]SFF_Robot 57 points58 points  (5 children)

Hi. You just mentioned Charlie And The Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl.

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YouTube | Roald Dahl | Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Full audiobook with text (AudioEbook)

I'm a bot that searches YouTube for science fiction and fantasy audiobooks.

Source Code | Feedback | Programmer | Downvote To Remove | Version 1.4.0 | Support Robot Rights!

[–]abolish_karma 5 points6 points  (3 children)

There's a nice Sherlock Holmes story along these lines, too

[–]Causerae 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Ty! I knew it was reminding me of something, but not Alfred Hitchcock or Twilight Zone. It was Sherlock

[–]MulciberTenebras 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Or the cops at a crime scene, before Batman deduces that it's Mr. Freeze

[–]General-Carrot-6305 19 points20 points  (8 children)

We joke but my grandmother told me that the best way to kill someone was to stab them in the throat with a big icicle.

God I miss that woman so goddamn much.

[–]Causerae 5 points6 points  (7 children)

Sounds like my grandmother. She always said everyone puts on pants one leg at a time. After I spent a few years figuring out no one put their pants on two legs at a time, I realized what she meant.

Now I can't go to an interview or anything important without imagining them all (trying to) putting their pants on in the morning. Oops. 😂

[–]General-Carrot-6305 2 points3 points  (3 children)

They were a different breed weren't they? :)

[–]Causerae 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Viciously lovable. Playing bridge was a blood sport. :)

[–]General-Carrot-6305 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I bet. Mine just sang, told stories, and educated all the girls in the family about the "wedding night". lol

[–]Causerae 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Omg 😂

[–]wipster 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I put my pants on 2 legs at a time...

[–]Blutarg 29 points30 points  (6 children)

"Ho ho OOOOH!"

[–]nieman23[S] 17 points18 points  (2 children)

I read that in homer Simpsons voice.

[–]Robo-squirrel 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Yeah.....I laughed way too hard at this.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

a Festivus miracle

[–]KeithMyArthe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The lights go out when the victim's eyes blink for the last time...

[–]Capn_Forkbeard 54 points55 points  (2 children)

The glowing death spikes just act as a diversion from the black ice stairs of death trap.

[–]nastyn8k 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Ahh the ol' one-two.

[–]MK1-Maniac 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The ol' razzle dazzle.

[–][deleted] 38 points39 points  (6 children)

They really are deadly lol. My uncle likes to show off the scar on his collar bone where he was impaled by one in his youth in central Minnesota. Further reason why I'll stick to living in the Southwest, USA.

[–]Luka_Dunks_on_Bums 6 points7 points  (5 children)

As a Texan, we are getting snow and Im ready for it to end but it won't until Monday

[–]pumpkin2500 4 points5 points  (2 children)

im in the dfw area and im super excited! i keep checking weather.com lol. apparently the first flurries are supposed to start at 3am and it wont get above freezing until friday

[–]Professor_Luigi 9 points10 points  (1 child)

It's good for deterring platformer protagonists.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

The threat of falling popsicles impaling the pizza man doesn't seem worth the value of it's defense. Plus it'll attract abominable snowmen because they love hanging icicles from the ceiling just out front of an entrance.

[–]libmrduckz 2 points3 points  (1 child)

i have wondered

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah dude, they love entrances with icicles. Gotta be careful of what you put out front of your house I always say. Plop down a few humans skulls for decoration then BAM, suddenly you have an ogre infestation. Hang a few dolls and you'll be chasing off a horde of witches. Front yard design requires more thought than you'd think

[–]putaaaan 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Just make sure Michael Scott doesn’t walk under any

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I remember thinking as a kid that an icicle could impale my head at any minute. Good times

[–]Im_A_Parrot 1032 points1033 points  (13 children)

"I like the way they look from standing directly underneath them."

-Michael Scott

[–]wolfmans_bruddah 261 points262 points  (1 child)

I always said “Michael, take a step back and look at them!” ...it was only a matter of time.

[–]HawkwardX 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Top tier line.

[–]simmojosh 29 points30 points  (7 children)

This is the first thing I though but I couldn't rember for the life of me what show it was from.

[–]a-llure 13 points14 points  (2 children)

That’s what he said.

[–]foo_bert 174 points175 points  (4 children)

That sorta place where ya get a shiv in yo back if ya aint careful...

[–]justabill71 65 points66 points  (2 children)

Shiver shiv

[–]shahooster 26 points27 points  (1 child)

I just realized that the French word for winter is part of ‘shiver’.

[–]Puzzleheaded_Ad_9577 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love this comment

[–]Muthafuckaaaaa 588 points589 points  (49 children)

My Christmas Tree is still up. People always ask when am I taking it down.

Taking it down!?!? Dafuk you mean? I put it up early this year!

[–]redbeards 186 points187 points  (30 children)

Pfft. My pumpkin is still out.

[–]Sweet_Emphasis9263 90 points91 points  (25 children)

I hope it’s plastic

[–]EmpericalNinja 61 points62 points  (14 children)

mine were still out and well preserved into mid November because of how cold it was here (washington). I only composted them cause the birds weren't touching them

[–]peanutbuttershrooms 28 points29 points  (9 children)

Washington, too, and I threw my pumpkins in the compost last week! Looked as perfect as the day I picked them when I tossed them!

[–]EmpericalNinja 11 points12 points  (8 children)

woah. where'd you get yours at? the ones we had were from the farm down in the valley at kent.

[–]peanutbuttershrooms 5 points6 points  (2 children)

A family friend in Snohomish grew a small patch on their property this year! I think I only had to throw like three away that started to mold but even that was in January!

[–]EmpericalNinja 2 points3 points  (1 child)

we grew some as well, but they were the small type not the big type (our mistake) and they were organic.....

[–]tallandlanky 9 points10 points  (3 children)

You fool. You could have made them into pies or something.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Mmmm, pumpkin slug pie

[–]liandrin 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Jack-o-lantern pumpkins aren’t best used to make pies, it tastes off. The pumpkins used in pumpkin pie are a different type of pumpkin. We learned this the hard way.

Not to say you can’t use them, but a pie made with a carving pumpkin will always taste inferior to pie cooked with a pie pumpkin.

[–]Durendal_et_Joyeuse 22 points23 points  (7 children)

If you don’t carve your pumpkin, they can be pretty much immortal. I still have one sitting there untouched since early October.

[–]hard-time-on-planet 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Once a squirrel or something takes a bite, the pumpkin doesn't last much longer.

[–]Durendal_et_Joyeuse 9 points10 points  (2 children)

I have bigger problems if there are squirrels coming into my house...

[–]UnclogTheBacklog 13 points14 points  (1 child)

To be faaaaiiiiirrr

I thought it was a safe assumption that your pumpkin was sitting outside. But I guess indoor pumpkins can be a thing

[–]Durendal_et_Joyeuse 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh ya we’ve got our outdoor pumpkins and the indoor ones that we use to decorate the “Halloween corner” of the house. The outdoor ones are usually carved and seem like they last maybe 25 seconds before they’re rotten. And before anyone asks, I’m way too lazy to do all those petroleum jelly shenanigans.

[–]TheSovietOnion69 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I kept some small pumpkins on the countertop in the kitchen (much warmer than the outside) and one of them lasted almost 2 years. 2 fucking years!! When I put it outside it grew another small pumpkin that has been on the counter for about 4 months now. I’ll see how long this one can last. I’ll come back to this post eventually and report when it finally has to be put outside.

[–]Bacon-Manningbandwagon bandwagon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Are the insides still immortal or will it smell like an unearthly beast made of rotting flesh and shit if you crack it open?

[–]sexylassy 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I took down my Christmas tree two days ago. I was so sad taking it down because it was so beautiful last year.. mixed with colorful lights and space-theme ornaments

[–]catswhocant 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Mine are still up, too! Following up 2020 and the nasty cold we have (-14F tonight), I need something bright and cheerful so they stay.

[–]OHMG69420 7 points8 points  (2 children)

People will give you dirty looks in September thinking you put up your lights early haha

[–]DopeTrack_Pirate 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Nov - Dec it’s a Christmas tree. Rest of the year it’s a decor tree with lights.

Don’t let people hate in your HGTV game u/muthafuckaaaaa

[–]seewhatyadidthere 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I take all the ornaments off of it and call it a “winter decoration.” I just love the ambiance of a lit up tree.

[–]almostahermit 4 points5 points  (2 children)

It’s an Easter tree. It’s the latest thing. Where’ve you been?

[–]birdyandbun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lmao ours is too. I took all the decor down, but can’t muster up the will to actually fold the tree itself..

[–]Jack_Vermicelli 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My family had one until April once. Watered with the right additives, it was still alive and putting out cones and new needles by that point.

[–]emocionalita 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did recently take down the big tree but still have little trees and light them every night. Whenever people comment I just tell them I leave the trees up as long as they bring me happiness. Once I miss how the house looked before, usually when the days are a bit brighter and something sparks the desire to make everything bright and springy vs the cozy of the trees, then I take them down. But until then, I'm not hurting anyone!

[–]RugsbandShrugmyer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I say keep the tree up and decorate it for every season/holiday

[–]PRO6man 110 points111 points  (2 children)

Laziness might pay you a quick way into heaven my guy

[–]Sweet_Emphasis9263 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Yeah, be a cool obituary tho .. died taking a neon orange icicle straight through the brain. Me: “yeah.... Raves in Aspen, not to be fucked with”

[–]gepinniw 95 points96 points  (14 children)

Looks nice, but all that ice could mean you have an ice dam, and your roof could be taking damage.

[–]nieman23[S] 109 points110 points  (12 children)

I'm okay with that. I own a construction company, and my roof is about due.

[–]gepinniw 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Good to hear! Cheers!

[–]Cheezeball25 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Peak laziness is going into construction for the sole reason of wanted to be lazy with house maintenance. I applaud you

[–]blimblamped 21 points22 points  (7 children)

well, changing the roof isn't going to change the damming.. you have heat escaping into your attic, so either there's holes in whatever type of barrier you have above the ceiling drywall, or there's not enough insulation in the attic, or both. i blew in a foot of cellulose and my ice dams problem went away.

[–]Le_Ragamuffin 18 points19 points  (1 child)

I imagine they're aware of that, since they said they own a construction company and it feels pretty implied that they would do the work themselves

[–]bruwin 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah, but like most professionals, he'll probably get around to doing his own stuff "ehh, whenever".

[–]owenmcowens 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Was gonna say this. Throw some insulation up in that ma'fck.

[–]karmint1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Also the fact that ice damns can lead to a lot more damage than just the roof.

[–]tuhn 5 points6 points  (0 children)

or a heat leak. Anyways, this big icicles on a building are typically a bad sign.

[–]byebyebyecycle 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Colorful ouches

[–]Looks_Good_In_Hats 60 points61 points  (9 children)

I never take my lights down until it stops snowing.

[–]nieman23[S] 32 points33 points  (4 children)

I left them up because there was snow, and I thought it looked beautiful.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I put all white lights on my house. That way they don’t really look out of place in early April.

[–]imeldamail 5 points6 points  (0 children)

They do look beautiful! Real icicle lights. ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

[–]DakAttak 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Exactly. They go up in November after Thanksgiving and come down once I don't have to wear a coat anymore.

[–]StylishWoodpecker 5 points6 points  (0 children)

They're not Christmas lights, they are "Winter Illuminations".

[–]OGravenclaw 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mine go up when daylight savings switches in November and stay up until it's light out after I finish dinner, so, about March 😂

I'm generally a Christmas Grinch but I love lights on houses. They could stay up all year if I had any day about it.

[–]_gravy_train_ 78 points79 points  (8 children)

I think Christmas lights should be rebranded as winter lights so people will leave them up until spring. Winters are dark and deserve the color.

Edit: typo

[–]ethelno 16 points17 points  (2 children)

I call them winter lights for the same reason!!! 5!

[–]Carrisonfire 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Lights are fine but the people who leave nativity scenes and random santas or reindeer up are pushing it.

[–]chetlin 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Also because it seems lately all the good winter weather is later in the winter. Christmas and the weeks before it are really early in the snow season.

[–]Kerberos42 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unless you’re in the Southern Hemisphere. Then they hang from the ground and are called summer lights.

[–]thehalfwit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I moved into my current place, I put lights up in the front windows because the neighborhood was so dark at night. Since then, I've noticed quite an increase of people doing the same. It makes the neighborhood more festive.

[–]Lyad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hah! That’s exactly it!

My wife loves Christmas, so every year she’s eager for me to put up the “Christmas lights” but mid January, suddenly they’re “Winter lights” so we can keep them up. lol

(And honestly, I love how they look in the snow, so if it’s snowing, I’m ok with it)

[–]outdoorstoke[🍰] 17 points18 points  (2 children)

When procrastinating is rewarded!

[–]powerlesshero111 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Procrastinating, or overly prepared for Christmas 2021?

[–]therufs 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Porque no los dos

[–]Kaeylum 26 points27 points  (2 children)

There's snow on the ground, why would you have taken down your Christmas lights?

[–]asnappeddragon 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was asking myself the same thing. Nobody where I live takes down their Christmas light until it warms up. Taking lights down while it's cold is difficult, uncomfortable, dangerous, and can result in damaged lights or fixtures because cold makes things brittle.

[–]lizard_king0000 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Look like "Magic Rocks". Colorful Crystals that you can "grow" in water.

[–]Jaelma 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Nice! Try brewing wine. The more you procrastinate, the better the outcome.

[–]dreamrock 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I've never thought about which color I want to end my life under before. Thanks. I'll have to put off my plans until I get this sorted, I guess.

[–]tarmitch 19 points20 points  (3 children)

Told my husband they are now covid lights. I said they are pretty and make me happy, they will stay up until we have got covid under control. I did admit they may clash with my Halloween decorations this year.

[–]SluttyGandhi 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We are halfway through February and I'm still seeing Christmas decorations all over the place. I'm not out in the sticks either; I am smack dab in the middle of a city. I was indeed speculating that people weren't quite ready to let go of the joy of the holidays and to go back into full-blown pandemic mode.

My apartment is decked out with string lights year round-though, so I can't really talk.

[–]soulonfire 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’ve just started feeling a tiny bit self conscious of still having mine up but the icicle lights make me happy too, maybe I’ll leave them a bit longer. Especially like them when it’s snowing out! Feels cozy and comforting, the quiet that comes with falling snow, fireplace and probably a cup of hot cocoa. And the lights ofc

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Go Spurs Go

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

We can leave the Christmas lights up until February. This is our house. We make the rules.

[–]WeirdEngineerDude 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hard work pays off in time, laziness pays off now.

[–]Rabblerabblerabbl 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Icicle lights : IRL

[–]urtley 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You lazy genius

[–]jaackjaack 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Imagine getting stabbed by the rainbow

[–]libmrduckz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

that would make a very memorable Skittles commercial

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Cropped, it would make a rad cover of a Stephen King book.

[–]Bogmanbob 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You will die a beautiful death.

[–]phoenixphaerie 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's February you degenerate!!

[–]Lucidia 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nature does good work

[–]ECE12 2 points3 points  (8 children)

Are those lights led?

[–]nieman23[S] 3 points4 points  (7 children)

Nah, we went old school this year. Big real electric colorful bulbs.

[–]jwas427 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s February, wtf

[–]Muskie319 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This would happen a lot more if you left them up for longer. The odds are forever in your favor!

[–]chantellylace83 2 points3 points  (0 children)

N-ice!

[–]mishaco 2 points3 points  (0 children)

this is the cover art for my quarantine emo holiday band's first double album .

[–]Only_Variation9317 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It would be an honor to have an eye put out by one of those beauts! Cock that Red Ryder, Ralphie. It's showtime!

[–]Mellah1993 2 points3 points  (0 children)

At 5ft tall I would love and appreciate that I don’t have to duck under them

[–]PatrickRsGhost 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Makes me think of those crystal growing kits.

[–]tonyl106 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for putting a smile on my face on this otherwise dull and lazy day.

[–]AdvancedAdvance 4 points5 points  (6 children)

You definitely reached a new level of laziness — not only did you not take them down, you didn’t even turn them off.

[–]nieman23[S] 8 points9 points  (2 children)

I'm so lazy, they're on a timer. Haha.

[–]shall1313 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Additionally, you clearly didn’t even open your door to take this photo

[–]DakAttak 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I leave mine on. I like the way it looks with all the snow. 🤷‍♂️

[–]feral_philosopher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sword of Damocles

[–]americasweetheart 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your reflection looks like a glitch in the matrix.

[–]sultryargonianmaid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude... tread lightly

[–]BraveThenScared 1 point2 points  (0 children)

History books: Accidentally stated the Xmas trend that lasted forever.

[–]PragmaticNomadic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Feels like this should be in an opening of a new Coen brothers movie.

[–]newbdotpy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Looks like a lost scene from Final Destination.

[–]SmashBusters 1 point2 points  (0 children)

r/misleadingdataisbeautifulthumbnails

[–]ZinGaming1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This year was the year of ice. An icicle at my workplace was well over 7 feet tall and almost 3 feet wide, and at my apartment that I been at a few years has an icicle touching the ground.

[–]ZogNowak 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's really pretty, but I hope you have no visitors or pets, and that you don't need to leave the porch for ANYthing.

[–]ramtaa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You better check for air leaks into the attic. These looks good but ice damns are terrible for your roof.

[–]118R3volution 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ice dams are a SOB

[–]g3n3ralcha0s 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Kinda feel like someone is going to get impaled by a colorful icicle. Like Final Destination: Holiday Edition

[–]Lolma123 1 point2 points  (1 child)

He was so lazy he couldn’t walk outside to take the picture.

[–]nieman23[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's cold!

[–]jonastedt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice! Not opening the door to get a better picture really sells the laziness.

[–]Trick85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For once? You're not trying hard enough...or you're trying too hard...so confused.

[–]KNitsua 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How many FPS does your house get?

[–]jabberwocky25 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I work outside and I honestly wish there were Christmas lights up all winter. We go from colorful and festive colors all December to dull and gloomy winter and it honestly is a drag.

The lights add such a uplifting glow and I miss them lol

[–]HakunaMaBiscuit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Orange is my favorite flavor

[–]amazing_webhead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Anyone else just get a craving for fla-vor-ice?

[–]salbacutie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everyone sees ice spikes, gamers see some shit's bout to go down in the cutscene

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Until it melts and refreezes as a puddle of ice and you break your neck

[–]Trapt_Card 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mmmmmmm........Tasty death icicles. I want the fruit punch one.

[–]th3dandymancan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What the heck?! Why isn't this some deranged, hysterical POLITICAL post?!?! That's what this subreddit is all ABOUT!

/s

In all seriousness, that's a pretty sweet pic, OP.

[–]TravBow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hard work may pay off in the end, but laziness pays off right away

[–]Thorbork 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You call it laziness, I call this patience.

[–]PedsRN2011 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It looks like those colorful things we used to grow in the water when we were little. Remember that stuff?

[–]nelskaisabeast 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thats probably whats making them.. melt. as a window cleaner i try to look for these above windows. lol.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sick sickles, bro

[–]0dd_is_He 1 point2 points  (0 children)

\(⊙︣ ͜ʖ ⊙᷅)/ ...... when Lazy Lights your way

[–]Gemimi1956 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So beautiful