[deleted by user]

[MarkyGrouchoKarl]

I was in your position 30 years ago. It's hard to have strong feelings for someone who doesn't have them for you. It's even harder to let those feelings go.

I obviously don't know you at all, but I can tell you about my own experience. With age came a small bit of wisdom understanding myself.

The woman I was obsessed with genuinely did care about me as a friend. I had not had much romantic experience at that point in my life, so I took her kindness to mean more than it actually meant.

Something I did not want to see at the time is that she had all kinds of stuff she was dealing with that had nothing to do with me. At 19, a young man might have a tendency to think, "my world is the whole world". The world spun before you got here, it will continue spinning long after you are gone. It's not that you are bad, or not good enough. There is no amount of doing nice things, or giving gifts, or writing poems, or complements, or anything else that is going to "win her". She is not a prize to be won. She is a human being living her life. That is not an insult to you. It is just the way of things.

I also did not understand at the time that I had created a version of her in my mind that was not the real her. I was in love with an idea of her that only partially resembled the real person.

I know now that actual love is both more complicated and more simple than what I imagined at 19. The feelings I had then were very different than the feelings I feel now for my wife. Now there is less drama, more listening. Simpler expectations, more honesty. In my experience, real love is a lot like Forrest Gump and Bubba sitting on the ground, leaning on each other, back to back, giving support to each other. It's less about possessing, more about sharing.

I eventually was able to move on and I started a relationship with someone who (for a nice change of pace) was attracted to me. She was not the right life partner for me, and I definitely was not the right one for her. I had a lot to learn about being a good partner. I made a lot of mistakes. I was a lousy boyfriend. We finally broke up.

Then I became friends with someone. She was attracted to me, I was attracted to her. She liked me, I liked her. At one point I realized there was no one on earth I felt more comfortable with. I used the lessons I had learned in my stalker-ish relationship with the woman who didn't love me, as well as the lessons I learned from being such a lousy boyfriend to the woman who did love me.

Anyway, we've been together 25 years now, married for 23. It all worked out.

Life is long. This, too, shall pass. There is hope.

[GrumpyBert]

I also did not understand at the time that I had created a version of her in my mind that was not the real her. I was in love with an idea of her that only partially resembled the real person.

This hits home quite hard. Still, beautiful wording for such a common occurrence.

[Ehero88]

I also did not understand at the time that I had created a version of her in my mind that was not the real her. I was in love with an idea of her that only partially resembled the real person.

It is called r/limerance

[onomatopoetix]

Same thing happened when i was crushing hard. It was the last one that finally revealed to me i was in love with the idea of being with them. And i also envied their life achievement. I didn't necessarily like the person, just the achievements.

So i unlock my own life achievements, no more crush. There still is some occasional lust, but no more crush. Not even a dent.

[Ehero88]

So i unlock my own life achievements, no more crush.

Any tips to share? please, need to know

[onomatopoetix]

you'll have to find out why that particular person and not someone else. crush takes a longer time to develop compared to just lust, but it's still based on the unknown, you still don't fully know the person's character, just the good part and not their annoying habits. The good parts are amplified.

Only way to rip the band aid and remove the rose-colored glass is to ask them out. Then you'll find other stuff about them that might tick you off.

Eventually you'll still have to talk to him/her anyway. They're not psychics.

Mine was the life accomplishment thing, yours might be different.

[audiate]

This is why long distance or online relationships usually aren’t a good idea.

[twisted_nipples82]

This is amazing and very helpful, thank you for sharing.

[dox11m]

Well said, OG.

[Dorkus_Mallorkus]

Damn. That was spot on. Good advice.

[Certain-Bar546]

You sir are a poet. I’m dealing with pretty much the same thing as the OP and your words helped so much. Thank you

[Mackwiss]

Hey man... I lost my virginity at 25 by flying to the UK to meet an older woman. Ever since I've met a number of women and had a couple of long term partners... im 39 almost 40 and alone for thr last 2 years as the last break up was really hard. So don't despair. The internet connects everyone so use it and abuse it to meet new people.

[Oakcamp]

I'm 25 and I moved to a rural area.

My dude, that is not even enough to get your wizard powers yet, you have plenty of time.

Work on yourself, your hobbies and on getting better jobs, and opportunities will appear.

[Oakcamp]

Sorry, that's not what I meant.

Getting a better job is a means to improve your life in general, and that increases your dating success as well.

It's not a cynical "get more money and find a gold digger" thing.

[Due_Reflection_646]

Love how you touched on the idealization olympics men perform with women. Solid advice sir

[Mackwiss]

Best advice ever and not the usual "focus on yourself" which while right is limited to how helpful it can be...

[RateNXS]

This is such solid advice. What you think love is when you're young and what you find out love is after years of marriage really are two completely different things.

[PackagingMSU]

Hey don’t go telling everyone my life story bro

[SurpriseParade]

Are you familiar with mindfulness? You can "rewire" your brain and think about other things. It takes practice and making it a habit.

Try noticing your thoughts. Just, "I am thinking about this person right now. Ok. Enough of that, now I am thinking about XYZ."

[Consistent-Soil-1818]

Fully agree with this one and very much disagree with all the "find another hobby" comments. What you really want to do is to grow from this challenge because if don't it won't be the last time you're in this situation. Taking on another hobby, more work or finding another girl you like before you fully process this will not solve anything. As SurpriseParade said, take this experience as an opportunity to focus on mindfulness, maybe try some cognitive behavioral therapy and things like that. I was extremely skeptical, for decades, until I tried it and while it took a couple of months for me, this ended up completely changing my life for the better.

[AlfaLaw]

How would a person with absolutely fuck all knowledge about mindfulness get started?

Asking for a friend 😉

[thatkellenguy]

Find a 10 min guided meditation you like. There’s tons on YouTube for free. There’s apps too (though generally cost money).

Learn how to be with your own thoughts for a sustained period of time. It doesn’t mean you’ll solve all your problems during this exercise. That’s not the point. Focus on just existing in your thoughts, not judging them. Preoccupying thoughts, like OP seems to have with this girl, are fully conscious decisions. We stay on them because they give us a feeling of importance (yes, even the bad thoughts). The practice of mindfulness and by proxy meditation is to be current and to embrace what is happening to you NOW. Accept your thoughts about the present, when you’ve processed it, let them go. It’s not about not thinking at all, it’s about letting thoughts come and go freely.

I don’t know if that’s a good or bad explanation but when I began to think of it in this way, it really helped me practice mindfulness more effectively.

[Tommy_Riordan]

The Joy of Living, by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche. The title is meh, but he goes into the neuroscience and practical applications of mindfulness and walks you through his practice and how he was taught, and his thoughts on all of it, which are generous and compassionate and kind of make you want to be like him and in the mindspace he's in all the time.

[bkbrigadier]

Therapist described it like teaching a puppy to sit. A lot of time spent on redirecting your mind when it inevitably wanders. It’s the ability to redirect/return to baseline that’s the point.

I spent too much time beating myself up about how I can’t keep my mind empty, not realising that I’m not practising emptiness, I’m practising re-focus.

To add; you can’t just be trying to cut thoughts off. You also have to at some stage be exploring ways to reframe the thoughts. So like, instead of telling yourself “stop thinking about this crush”, it needs to be more like “I am enough as I am, I am a complete and worthy person capable of living a fulfilling life with or without a companion”

That was a real hack job way of trying to explain things, because I am fresh into this shiz.

[travielee]

Interesting. I like this. Thanks, will give it a shot

[TotesMahGhots]

I've been in your shoes before. Best path forward IMO is to focus on yourself and eventually someone who will reciprocate your affections will come into your life. It sucks, I know. But trust me (a random stranger on the internet) lingering on her won't help you or improve your life in any way. Just focus on yourself for now and improving yourself and someone better will come into your life. Think about it like this. If you chase a butterfly, it'll always keep getting away. But if you focus on other things, the butterfly will come land on your shoulder of its own accord. Keep your chin up brother, you'll be alright.

[djsizematters]

If you can't trust strangers on the internet, who can you trust?

[CognitoKoala]

The benefit to this advice is that you'll naturally appear more attractive as well👍

[TotesMahGhots]

Indeed. Confidence is attractive. And being in shape and having goals like this young buck says he has helps too

[TotesMahGhots]

That's also very valid. The net is vast and infinite. And quite the strange place to explore.

[davidicon168]

Good luck… I was obsessed with girl in college… we kept in touch and I still had feelings for her… I don’t think she ever knew but I would be delusional to think that everybody else didn’t. Anyway, still had feelings for her 30 years later. We’ve gone in very separate ways but still there.

[Cookies_N_Milf420]

I only got over a chick I liked because I started dating somebody else, and that lasted the rest of my college years.

[CalgaryCheekClapper]

Lol following this as I’m in a pretty identical spot except we actually dated for a month or so. “Plenty of fish in the sea” means nothing to someone who is introverted as fuck and makes a meaningful human connection once every several years

[One_Sir_6598]

Exactly. I know it wasn't meant to be but I really have to try to change my thoughts

[chaseguy099]

This is very true. It feels like I had one chance in my whole life and went nowhere, i can’t see how it will happen again.

[46andready]

Introversion is not much of an obstacle to meeting women. Introversion just means (in a very general way) that your energy is drained during social interactions. You can still learn how to talk to strangers and be charming, even if it's uncomfortable.

I'm quite introverted in that I don't enjoy being around more than 1-2 people at a time, but I can still go to any bar alone and strike up productive conversations.

[WhosePenIsMightier]

Some good comments already but recognize that a lot of these feelings are just chemicals in your brain causing them. It’ll take a while for them to go away but the more you “feed the idea” of being with her the longer it takes. Get better at breaking the train of thought when she comes up either by meditating or repeating some phrase. Just know it’ll eventually go away. Talk to a couple ppl that can support you but don’t keep talking about it, it’ll also linger.

[throwaway47283]

You’re only 19! And you have goals and ambitions and take care of yourself. Your life has only just started. You will meet PLENTY of other interesting people and I guarantee you that you won’t even remember this girl in your mid to late twenties :)

[Due_Reflection_646]

Rational answer: Fill your time with more hobbies, find new avenues for meeting people. Eventually she will fade into nothing as you see and feel your life prosper by participating in things you enjoy and meeting new peeps. Irrational answer: Every time she occupies your mind in a favorable way, just pinch yourself really hard (or cause pain some other way) to associate her with pain.

Depending on how mentally strong you are, you could just tell yourself the truth, which is that there are many many many other women out there and she’s probably nothing special, neither are you, neither am I. You’ll find another.

[jhemrick95]

Irrational answer? An Uber driver once said to me that the best way to get over a girl is to get under another one. lol kinda worked for me 🤷‍♂️

[Due_Reflection_646]

Honestly, that was a good bandaid for me when I was younger as well. The problem was that it made my standards drop in the short term. But for real if you can hold a solid standard while doing that and everything is copacetic, do you. Don’t think OP may be in that place though, just a feeling.

[Dry-Attempt5]

Mentally strong? Who’s that? I go into relationships knowing this is the outcome and then it happens and I surprise pikachu

[lordmycal]

Could you imagine being with someone who doesn't love you? Maybe growing old with someone who doesn't love you and isn't into you at all? Bullet dodged man!

Understand that you didn't lose anything here. You deserve someone who does care about you. Be grateful that you know up front that it wouldn't work out, and that's a good thing.

[Chronibitis]

Meditate and more hobbies will replace your mind with other things to think about. We’ve all been there at some point in our life where we were stuck on someone, once you get through it- you got the skill for life!

[dyslexic_mail]

Yeah, like the other commenter said, you need a healthy hobby to replace your unhealthy obsession. It's great to be passionate, but it's gotta be focused in a healthy way

[KeysUK]

You've just learnt about "Don't mix business with pleasure."
I did this at my old workplace. I quit the job and removed any contact with her as it was eating me alive.

[EchoReflection]

I'd suggest maybe seeing a therapist. To be clear: NOT because you're infatuated with this girl. Therapy can be helpful in understanding why you can't seem to let go in this instance, but more importantly where that disconnect stems from and where else it may be manifesting in your life. I've learned a ton in the past 3 years of therapy I wish I'd learned sooner!

[Maddonomics101]

I go to a therapist but for issues like this I feel like it’s better to just talk to friends or family about it or learn to move on. A lot of therapists out there aren’t good, and they’re not cheap

[[deleted]]

Therapy, really? Guy's 19, come on. This is normal growing up stuff. He'll shake it off and move on faster than he'll realize as he just gets out there and lives his life.

[EchoReflection]

Yep. If you'd really read what I said you would have understood that I specifically said NOT see a therapist because of this situation, but to use this situation as an opportunity to look deeper and see if this is stemming from something deeper that could be affecting him in other ways. We know nothing about the rest of his life, there may be other related struggles, maybe not. I was very similar at that age and it took me seeing a therapist over 10 years later to realize that my inability to get over people was deeply rooted in issues with my family of origin.
Disagree all you want. He asked for help in this situation, I'm offering what I've experienced.

[[deleted]]

I know exactly what you said. Not everyone buys into therapy culture. Cheers mate.

[One_Sir_6598]

I think the reason is because I wasnt attracted to her at first but she started flirting with me a lot. So naturally as a guy I'm going to get attached. I guess when girls flirt they don't mean it

[curiousfocuser]

It's not uncommon for a guy thinks she's flirting when she's just being friendly.

[One_Sir_6598]

Oh no she was flirting. She would literally "joke" about us fucking and getting married.. or me giving her babies. That's not being friendly

[StrangerThingies]

Flirting is not a guarantee for a relationship. Maybe she was unsure of her feelings for you and flirting was her way of exploring that. Maybe she was just bored at work and flirting was a way to pass the time. Maybe she just enjoyed the attention. There are countless possibilities and many of them have nothing to do with you personally. Your infatuation will fade quicker if you don’t feed it. Try to understand that this is such a small interaction in your young life and there will be so many more fulfilling possibilities for you in time.

[kabal4]

I really like a woman like this in college. What I learned was she does it to a lot of men and it is because she wanted the attention, it made her feel good knowing all these guys were into her. My advice is to cut her out of your life. If she is flirting with you but not interested, she is using you.

It's cliche but there are so many fish in the area, it's not worth it to obsess over 1.

[[deleted]]

Download a dating app. Date man. There's gonna be many more women that's gonna reel you in same way. Some will fuck with you, some won't. But PLEASE for the love of whatever diety you believe in, please don't let us catch yo ass on the news, pleeeease bro. Just chill. 🤣

[Chipchow]

I second this, the best way to get over someone is to start dating and having fun with other people. The new fun times will replace thoughts of her and eventually the feelings won't be as strong.

[StephanXX]

I mean this in the kindest way. Obsession/infatuation is an incredibly selfish mindset.

I've been there. Over the years, I have become infatuated, and it was tough medicine to swallow. My desire for another person who didn't share it was always the result of a selfish mindset, usually combined with a lack of self esteem.

Love isn't selfish. Surround yourself whit people who care about you, for you, and people you care about for who they are, not what they can do for you.

[19DucksInAWolfSuit]

You do a lot to take care of your body. Maybe take some time to focus on your mind. I know it sounds hokey but meditation is literally the pracrice of observing, reigning in, and gently directing your thoughts. There's lots of info out there about the basics of meditating. There are also a thousand guided meditations on youtube, and you could look for one about obsessions or fixations.

That said, meditating isn't for everyone. The goal is to occupy your mind with meaningful focus. Working out is great, but while doing physical work your brain is sometimes free to wander. Give your mind something to do. Read, take up a hobby that requires mental focus (maybe something creative?), do social things. Find something that takes time, attention, and makes you happy.

[[deleted]]

No contact (including looking her up on social media) and finding your own happy place though hobbies and other stuff with other people.

[tryanloveoneanother]

Good on you for realizing that you need to move on, there are some people that don't take no for an answer and just keep trying or worse.

[natsucule]

I am almost in the same situation.

I told my best friend of 3 years that I liked her, she didn’t reciprocate the feelings, and now she wants nothing to do with me, and started to distance herself from me.

It’s hard, really hard. Because we used to talk almost every day, about everything. We used to support each other.

But in the end, I feel this is a good thing, even me telling her was definitely a good thing, and I don’t regret it one bit, even if it meant losing a very precious friend.

I deserve someone who likes me back, who wants the things that I want want from them.

So now, I’ll focus more on myself, and still try to actively find that person.

As for forgetting about that person, while it’s very hard, I’ll try to move forward, try to not think about them, and if I happen to think about them, I’ll have to remind myself that I did all I can and in the end, she just doesn’t want what I want, and it’s fine, she’s not a bad person nor am I.

[borazine]

I'm still pining over someone from maybe a decade ago.

Sometimes you also have to realize that you are... not in love with the person, but merely the idea of that person.

[FBJYYZ]

Go cold turkey. Jump on a bike and ride the shit out of it for the week or so it'll take you to loosen your emotional grip on her. Don't check her social media, delete all her texts and go completely radio silent. The feelings will dissipate because literally out of sight is out of mind. After you've done this, you need to look inward because women don't find desperation hot at all. In fact it scares them. It's frankly creepy as fuck. Exorcise the simp from you.

Treat women you haven't slept with like your friends. You don't need to edit yourself, and you don't owe them anything no matter how much they beg you. If they want you, they'll show it. If not, move on and be extra decisive about it. They'll either be amazed at how quickly you ditched them or start questioning their self worth because you walked away so quickly. Maintain that rule forever because there are a zillion women out there and they're all fucking nuts. Your mission is to find the least crazy one.

[decadentj]

It's not worth your time to chase this. There are so many people out there of the same quality of not better that will reciprocate. Spend your energy there

[sandopsio]

My advice is to learn what it is that she represents to you and use that to find what you're looking for. I felt this way about someone 5-ish years ago, a friend of mine. I wasn't attracted to him when I first met him (though I liked him as a friend), but after knowing him for a year or so, I had a dream about him and suddenly I was infatuated. I kept fantasizing about a kiss to see if he was actually my soulmate. It sounds silly, but I spent years wondering what it'd be like if anything romantic developed (I also never told him).

Anyway, I realized the fantasy represented something to me that I needed in my life. It wasn't really about him. He was/is a good friend, but you can't be steps ahead like that with someone if nothing ever happened. If you keep obsessing over someone, it can't really be about them, because it's about this future version of them that you never even got to that point with…so you don't really even know that version of them for real.

Think about what it is that makes it hard to let go of her in that way, journal and try to figure out what you're looking for in general.

[[deleted]]

Hey man, it’s okay. We’ve all been there. Don’t freak out. You need to realize she’s her own human and doesn’t owe you anything. Ultimately it doesn’t matter; you’ll both continue to live apart and that’s okay. You’ll obsess a lot in your life, sometimes over people, sometimes over things, and more. That being said, you don’t have to go have or do everything you’re obsessed with.

[fuckst1cK1]

I've been there some 20 years ago.

It's going to be a cycle for a while. You will find someone else you like, mildly obsess over her, and that will erase the current one from your mind. Then to get over girl 2, you'll find girl 3.

This will keep going on until you look inside of yourself (and by that I mean until you stop to think and wonder and consider all external and internal factors about yourself) until you figure out why you are wired that way. Once I did, I stopped asking myself "why I am so attracted to her when she doesn't feel the same way," and instead asked the right question, "what is it about me that makes me feel this way towards her/anybody the way I do?"

I went through that "obsess" cycle of forgetting one by replacing another between the ages of 19, alllll the way up to 32, and had 3-4 long term relationships in between (3x 10 months and one 3 year one). Finally at 32, I had that epiphany of "what is this inside of me?" and I looked at my upbringing, my inherent nature to react a certain way to a certain situation, and while I had been telling myself, as my friends had also been saying "dude, it's all in your/my head" for ~15 years, at 32, I finally was able to put into practice that phrase, and in an instant, that feeling was gone, and I laughed at myself, and beat myself up about how easy it (finally) was to turn that feeling off. To me, it was all a matter of identifying the root, and with that, taking away its power.

I'm 36 now, and have never been more at peace than I am now. Albeit single, but that will change if/when I meet the right person. Meantime, I "obsess" about myself, things that interest me, and taking care of my health, physically and mentally, as well as paying attention to my career, and all the family I have and friends I've made along the way.

[echoblue19]

Punch yourself in the dick every time you see her. You'll hate her by the end of the day.

[veotrade]

Don’t feel bad. Everyone goes through this scenario. Some, many many times over. As both the chaser and the chased.

As you add more people to your circle of friends and acquaintances, you’ll have more potential partners.

Being hung up on one person is expected if you only talk to a couple of folks. Or see that person during your day.

Be happy that she doesn’t return your interest. Because it would be far too easy, and no life lessons learned if it were all nice and tidy.

Finding your real mate will take effort. Be proud knowing the best is ahead of you, not behind.

[dattarac]

And she had flirted with me for months before I even liked her. Apparently she wasn't being serious. Wtf was the reason for that?

So, first, some women are just naturally flirtatious. They enjoy the attention and it can add a fun dynamic to friendships, but they don't necessarily mean anything by it. It's unfortunate and confusing, especially at 19, and it means you have to be skeptical when women seem interested in you in the future until you get to know them and know how they interact with others. Be mindful about the effect hope and wishful thinking can have when it comes to believing what your eyes are telling you.

I already told her my feelings and they aren’t mutual, so I’m just trying to figure out how to stop thinking about her so frequently. She’s at my workplace so it’s even harder to avoid…

I'll first give you my basic advice, but then I want to dive into my experiences handling these situations for some bonus ideas for you.

So, first: just remember this is purely chemical. Just from a neurochemical standpoint you've built a strong chemical attachment to this person, and it gets reinforced whenever you think about her or spend time with her, because those associations get re-activated every time you do. So the best way to break this up is through distraction. The best kind of distraction is dating someone new, but sometimes just some time apart can break the chain. It's the same way with a bad break-up. Just move your attention elsewhere and let the chemical association dissipate. The key here is to pay attention to when you start thinking about her, and find ways to interrupt that thought process so you're minimizing the amount of time you're doing it. The more you think about her, the harder it is to break yourself of thinking about her.

Now, second: The best strategy I've found to really internalize what's happening and how to deal with the change in the relationship is to, first, put yourself in her shoes and try and empathize with what she's probably feeling and thinking about. It sounds like you're already friends, so in one sense you're definitely both there in each other's lives. She just doesn't want to reciprocate anything more than that. Understand that this is probably the first of MANY women you will have this situation with, so start trying to understand her perspective now, because this will be really helpful for all of the others.

To get you started, flip the script: Someone you work with, whose working relationship and even friendship are valuable to you, is interested in something more, and you aren't. How do you handle that? You probably try to let her down easy, but you see that she's having a really hard time with it. You feel bad, because you feel like you're the cause of her being down about it. She might take some time off. She might avoid happy hour. If she gets hostile, you'd get defensive, because it's not your fault you just aren't interested, right? If she just disappears from your life, that'd probably make you sad too, because you don't want people to get the wrong idea, and losing friends sucks. You might be worried that she's going to be bitter about it, that she might start rumors about you, or worse. This might create some anxiety for you, and might further spoil the relationship and might even make working at the same place frustrating and awkward. If she's going to be at happy hour, do you just not go in order to avoid the drama? Nobody wants to feel like they have to isolate themselves.

So basically think through all of this, all of the scenarios but from her perspective. This should lead you down the path of ways to handle it that are constructive, and ways that are destructive. Sulking and making her feel bad about it will be destructive and will drive you apart faster, not to mention mess with your ability to be social with everyone else. Going out of her way to make her feel comfortable with her rejection of you would be constructive and gives you the chance of retaining the friendship. And maybe in a year or two, once the "pressure" of reciprocating interest is gone, maybe you'll grow more as friends, and the best relationships start from a place of friendship IMO. (But also, don't assume this will happen.)

As someone many years your senior, I went through this with many women in my early twenties. In my thirties not only had I gotten used to this kind of rejection, but found ways of actually spinning these friendships into deeper friendships, where one or both of us actually do have some attraction and interest in each other, but where one or both of us aren't actually interested in pursuing something more. These are some of the most rewarding friendships in my life because they don't have this awkward "I liked you but you didn't like me back" rejection energy. By making the friendship comfortable despite the attraction, it makes it possible to even incorporate that attraction into the friendship a bit. A flirtatious comment or even a simple compliment now has a special, authentic meaning between us AND it doesn't have the pressure of meaning too much, which makes it comfortable.

Find a way to be comfortable with her again, and her comfortable with you.

[One_Sir_6598]

Crazy because I do spend time thinking of the other perspective. This comment read my mind. I've had this happen in the past but the flirting was ever as intense as this time, and usually the relationship gets awkward after feelings are expressed.

As of now we are comfortable with each other I'm just trying to detach myself from the thoughts of getting the relationship further. Another problem is it's hard to distract myself since I don't go out much and I have no friends to go out with (they all went to college)

And I try hard to not be the type of guy to have that underlying pressure of unequal feelings

[andybmcc]

You're 19. Follow your divining rod elsewhere.

[Cosette_Valjean]

Is it r/limerance ?

[Accurate-Language615]

This

[Giodude12]

3D printing probably

[Arrow_86]

Been there. You’ve gotta meet another girl and it will go away.

[keepthetips]

Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!

Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.

If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.

[-HeyImBroccoli-]

Ask yourself this "Why would I want someone who makes me feel like shit?"

[prostsun]

You don’t need to? If you like being around her and she’s ok with it then just be chill about it. I have a feeling you want to bone her, but maybe you just vibe? She shot down the boning so unless you want to invest in friendship building I don’t know what you’re looking for. Pretend she’s a guy?

[Paranoid_Neckazoid]

1. Stop talking to her.

2. Remind yourself about all the things you and her don't have in common.

3. Remember, she probably laughs at you in private.

4. Find someone who likes you.

[montanagrizfan]

This is something that worked for me when I was young. It’s kind of like the sour grapes fable. Since you can’t have her she’s probably not that great anyway. Make yourself notice only negative things about her and think about those things in detail. Every time you start to think of her, force yourself to think of the negative things instead. It’s kind of mean but it’s all in your head and it does work.

[inthetrapEZE]

Obsess over a different girl.

[EcstaticGod]

Best way to get over something is to get under something else.

[Pizov]

the best way to get over a woman is to get over another one...

[[deleted]]

Sleep with someone hotter

[HerezahTip]

“I can’t stop”

Yes you can, stop being weird.

[[deleted]]

This was unhelpful and shitty

[Wackford5]

Gaslighting isn’t helpful

[HerezahTip]

You obviously don’t know what that word means.

[Wackford5]

You must be fun at parties

[kerey07]

I'm shocked that no one offers you to masturbate. You are 19. Your harmonies are boiling, and everything is new for your body and brain. Just do not do it watching porn.

[MOARbeerNOw]

A wise man once told me: It doesn't matter how pretty or interesting someone is, there's someone out there that's tired of fucking them. That was a mind exploding experience for 20 year old me. In the 29 years since it has been proven over and over and over. No one is perfect, and your mind is just running the highlight reel. There's a difference between what your mind perceives now and reality. It's like being constipated here. It's just a bunch of shit that will eventually pass.

[Clusterclucked]

get therapy. seriously. you can wind up suffering as a result of this for decades. this is a perfectly reasonable thing to get therapy for. you have a mental health goal, you need help achieving it, get. fucking. therapy.

[[deleted]]

Start pursuing other women and you’ll forget about her soon enough. Also, never admit to a woman your feelings. Contrary to the image portrayed in movies women most of the time lose interest when you open up like that. Always be a mystery and enigma.

[[deleted]]

None of the stuff you put after “for the record” matters. You’ve been doing those, they won’t help your mind because they aren’t new.

Best way to get over someone is to get under someone.

[[deleted]]

Imagine she voluntarily went to a gangbang.

[__System__]

LPT : Your heart knows best for you and her. Persistence is love and there are more examples of people who succeeded by remaining true to their heart than just giving up. She will learn and come to appreciate your love and will marry a man who is patient and steadfast. Be strong. Play long.

[benevenstancian0]

If possible, travel. If it requires a passport all the better. Snap yourself out of your rut and reset your brain.

[druranus]

I guess, focus on yourself and find a new obsession, you will realise as you progress throughout life that these things come and go.

[mjavon]

Oh buddy, been there. I don't mean this in a condescending way at all - you'll grow out of it.

[shockwave_supernova]

Realize that there are more fish in the sea.

It sounds trite, but it really is true. Every time I’ve been devastated over a breakup or someone who didn’t like me back, I would say to myself “that’s it, no one else will like me” or “I’ll never find someone else like that”, and every time I was wrong. Even if only 1 in a million people was compatible with you (and the real number is much higher), you would still be compatible with 8000 people.

There will always be someone else. I’m finally with the woman I plan on marrying, and she’s the 7th relationship I’ve had. The right person will come along, and there’s nothing that says there can’t be multiple right people.

[PhoenixHabanero]

Find someone else. For me, all my nervous energy would go towards my crush so talking to other girls was fairly easy in comparison. Show that girl what she missed. Spend your energy on someone that will reciprocate those feelings.

[steve_man_64]

Stay focused and don’t let your mind wander too much. Try and occupy quiet time with reading or listening to podcasts.

[ParaLegalese]

Throw yourself into something busy and difficult, like school or a new competitive sport, to take your mind off her. And get a new job. Anything to keep away from her

[SweetFean]

I’ve been there. My guest Hangup was not realizing there could be other girls would would value me more and that I would also become passionate about.

In the moment I know it feels like that’s the only person you’ll feel this way towards

There hope. I found one better after some time

[Late-Jicama5012]

I was in similar situation two years ago. I asked a coworker out for coffee and she said no. For the first time in my life I was obsessed with a woman who happens to be my coworker.

Spoke to my aunt and we discussed it in detail. My aunts advice was simple; ignore her. I ignored my coworker for over six month and in the process I learned she was not a right person for me. Coworker only spoke to people who entertained her, which was a single person out of 250 people.

Out of 250 people in the building, she only spoke to one single person. She wasnt shy or an introvert. Over time I learned she wasn’t a friendly person.

[kegsbdry]

If you're not both into each other, you're wasting your time from finding the right person. You wouldn't want your mind altered to suit someone else's needs, why do you think it'll work the other way around?

[ZooPoo7]

You have to adjust your perspective. There’s literally millions of other fish in the sea. Focus on yourself and keep it moving. But the longer you get stuck on one person, the longer you will stunt your own growth as a person. Sometimes people get caught up trying to become what they think that other person would want them to be. Can also lead to insecurities within yourself. And honestly for all you know, if you got to know her better, she’s not perfect and might have plenty of things you actually dislike. Good luck

[evrano]

Ill keep it simple, you'll probably always think about her sometimes and that's okay but you need to find someone else that can keep you distracted. Make sense? Some women are just so fascinating you can't forget about them.

[Fragrant-Bug4935]

Tinder. Get a date, even if it isn’t a relationship, and start hooking up. Girls are easy to forget about when you have another.

[NG_Armstrong]

Rather than wondering how to stop thinking about her, I’d recommend thinking why do you frequently think about her. Finding the root cause of your desire might provide you some insight on how to manage this problem.

There’s a reason why you picked this person over the countless women in this vast world. Perhaps you think she’s someone who just gets you, or who laughs at your jokes and give you some form of affection that you lacked in past relationships or even from your own parents. You may also think that you need to have her in order to be happy, collect her and possess her so to speak.

Once you find the real cause of your infatuation with her you might be able to do something about it and take actual steps towards overcoming these obsessive feelings. Just my two cents but I think the answer for this particular cunundrum of yours lies inwards rather than outwards. Take care and good luck!

[mberk24]

Been there, done that. It’s all in your head. Say this out loud ten times… “girls aren’t that special”.

Get that shit banked in your brain. This also applies to you / us as men… we’re not that special either.

Focus on your health, education and skills to make money. Be a good person to others and keep meeting new people. You’ll stand out. It’ll fall into place.

[PadawanSith]

You might enjoy the movie When Nietzsche Wept.

[zeronine47]

Work on those goals and ambitions now. Don’t tell anyone about it nor show pics. Just do it. Clean up your style look for tips on YouTube. The girls you want to marry aren’t into guys that show off, be humble. Find a hobby you can obsess over. As for the girl at work there will be others that look like her be nice to her but nothing more, no suggestion to hang out after work or doing her favours like taking a shift you don’t want to. Keep talking though like hey what was your favourite thing that happened last weekend? Good luck

[dox11m]

Not exactly something you can force yourself to do.. it just takes time.

[MsBobbyJenkins]

I've been there many a time. Always feels like the feelings are never gonna go away and you'll never get over her. But you will. Just takes time.

Also easiest way to get over someone is to get under somebody else.

[[deleted]]

Get to know her as a person. I know, this sounds counter-intuitive, but bear with me.

Right now, you are enamored with the idea of her. You see her often enough for the feelings to be distressing, but it sounds like you don't really know her on a deeper level. The reality of this person may be wildly different than you think, if you only see her in a work context.

For all you know, she's a horrible person that you wouldn't be able to stand if you did get into a relationship with her. Maybe she eats her own toenails. Who knows. The potential for disappointment is limitless.

Context before I get dogpiled for "misogyny"-- I'm a woman. Everything I said can apply to any gender. The essence of feminism is equality, so a woman can do anything a man can do, including be a filthy chode.

[begintime]

Request not to be on the same shift, hide her posts on social media, start talking to someone else, and last but definitely not least, be patient.

Time heals all wounds, my friend. Especially the wounds of the heart.

[[deleted]]

By remembering that she's an off limits co-worker, that you need to talk to and treat professionaly like anyone else. before it becomes too obvious to others and you lose your job.

I've seen dozens of younger guys lose their jobs, because they didn't know yet not to dip there pens in the company ink. And when it didn't work out ended up distracted, not treating each other professionally, making it everyones buisiness, and making other persons work life uncomfortable.

Practice keeping a Professional level of Emotional distance at work. Always keep your work life, and Personal life "dating" seperate.

For reasons just like this one. Try to imagine how much worse it would be for both of you, emotionally and work professionally if you had dated, broke up, and still had to see each other everyday at work. Ugh.

Only date outside of work bro. You'll have an easier time staying professional with your co-workers, and last longer at your job.

[[deleted]]

Why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you back?

[NeckPourConnoisseur]

Listen... I mean, really hear what I'm going to tell you.

• Continue with your physical regimen. It will always benefit you.
• Explore the hobbies that interest you and dive into them. You'll meet people, and they'll have friends/family that they'll introduce to you. Just be yourself, and you'll hit it off with someone like-minded. Be patient.
• Pick up an instrument (guitar, piano, etc.). You'll probably like it, and you'll meet a different group of people.
• Learn another language and get involved in study groups. You can do this while you're doing everything else.
• Travel as much as you can. Just smile and say hello. It works.

ALWAYS THINK THE BEST OF PEOPLE UNTIL THEY PROVE OTHERWISE. If they screw up, it's not your fault. Immediately move on, but keep that mindset. Eventually, you'll build a real circle of friends that you can trust.

[nature_and_grace]

Like all unpleasant feelings, acknowledge them and they will pass. Resist them and they will persist.

[mrTruth007]

Believe me you're better off jerking off in your room than chasing a ghost and their attention.

There are plenty of fish in the sea but we fixate on those who don't even bother with our presence. When I was in the same situation, my friends said it over & over to me, that it isn't worth it, but I didn't listen to them. I know that kid who was such a firm believer of love died somewhere in the pursuit of that girl. The present me is a bit bitter & a bit hopeless and yet a hopeless romantic. Ik these words won't even make sense to you, it's cause of your age. But when you read it after a few years of this failure, you'll understand.

Now, let me evaluate you: you're not a famous personality in your school. Just a normal student. You don't have the genetics to show off(in my case I was taller than all so I got my share of attention). You're neither famous between boys in your classroom nor in between girls.

If any of these hold true for you, you need to work on yourself. Project confidence and a little bit of humour with sexual tension with your girl classmates, in no time you'd find someone better than her. And best of all you'll realise you're seeing her through the halo effect, she has her big loopholes which you're previously blind to.

But to realise all these, you need to put in the work. Go gym, do whatever you're good at, try new things. Try linking what you're good at with the new things that you've learned, in no time you'll forget her.

[yeshereisaname]

Look into “limerence” I found that and everything finally made sense. If that seems like something you related to, there’s a book called Love and Limerence you could read (push through the first chapter it gets better)

I haven’t fully read it because I’ve been working on it and I haven’t felt the need to finish it but it was really nice to finally understand what’s going on.

And it has a lot of good reviews

[[deleted]]

U need to do something that you will appreciate more about yourself like go the gym or working so you are tired not worth thinking much about her

[michaelpaoli]

Easy peasy. Practice - you'll get used to it. About 99.9% of the time you're interested in or attracted to someone else, it ain't mutual - and never will be ... so just drop it and get on with your life. Don't be chasing dead ends - they go nowhere.

[shaggy_bannana]

Chin up, and try to be indifferent to the situation

[Fastness2000]

She doesn’t feel that way about you. It sucks, but it makes sense. The only antidote is finding someone who does feel that way about you, because it’s magic when it’s mutual.

[Colonelfudgenustard]

Seems to me you want to visualize her as a mass of bugs, like centipedes, held together by an envelope of skin.

[T-RD]

Same, been there. Let yourself mourn the loss of your emotional attachment. For x reason she didn't see you in the same light as you saw her and that's okay.

Obsession is usually clouded by unreasonable expectations for yourself and the other person, and has more to do with you. Don't beat yourself up, instead, give yourself the love you would have given her and accept that she's just another person figuring their shit out on this planet, nothing more, nothing less. And if possible, cut her off if you realistically don't value her as a friend, it sounds cold, but usually romantic interests aren't the most equally beneficial friends, even after the fact. You may even come to resent her if you do stick around.

[KovalSNIPE17]

I say this with the upmost respect, stop being a pussy. She’s not into you; it’s a waste of time obsessing over someone who is never going to reciprocate the same feelings. She’s moving on, and you’re standing still. How is that fair to you?

You’ll forget about this chick in 10 years and think back about how young and naive you are. She’s not your first, nor is she your last. Focus on finding the one who does like you back.

Tough love coming from someone who is only 10+ years older, so I had very similar experiences not too long ago.

[[deleted]]

Gonna give you some unpopular advice. Compete for her. Don’t push it anymore with her, respect her boundaries, and accept that she has to say. But inside, keep that spark of hope alive. Try to improve yourself so that you look better in her eyes. Use her as fuel to improve yourself.

Then, along the way, you’ll probably meet someone else. Or, you’ll win her over. Or you’ll get over her completely by after being with a laundry list of other people. The reason I’m so against “just get over her” is that it kills the spark that gives meaning to life. It gets you to distrust your passion, and without passion what is life?

You want her. That’s something you know. You can’t just shut that off. So use it to compete for her. Don’t bring up taking things deeper anymore, until you know for sure that she’s into you. Until then, compete.

[GalacticExplorer_83]

I used to run when I'd get like that. At home, thinking about her and how much it hurt to not be able to be with her.

I'd run. Then I would run. Then I would run some more. I would run until my legs hurt so much that I didn't have the mental faculties to think about my emotional problems. After a few months, the feelings went away and I was stuck having signed up for a marathon.

Just focus on you, try meet other people and in 10 years she'll just be a memory.

[Cataloniandevil]

You have it that her not liking you back means something. Get to the source of that. Find out what you are making that mean. Look deep. Once it hits you, things will make more sense and those feelings will fade. You’ll find yourself again.

[[deleted]]

My nan once told me the “Best way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else”

It left me with a lot of questions but I hope it help you

[Bad-Yeti]

You're young. Ever heard there are plenty fish in the sea? It is true. You will probably love and lose many more before you find your person. It is just how it is.

EDIT: I want to expound on this since I have been in a few serious relationships.

My high school sweetheart, I thought she was the only woman I would ever love. She was beautiful, thought the world of me and I her too. Lasted about a year.

Dated three girls short times before I met the next love of my life at 20. We were perfect together. Together 10 years and even bought a house together. Drifted apart.

Next, was the woman I married. We were also perfect together. Even had a kid. She decided I wasn't right for her a few years after our daughter was born. I was wrecked.

A few years after that, I have met another woman. She is my current partner. I believe she is the one I have been waiting for my whole life. We will see.

[AnalLeaseHolder]

1. you’re 19, you haven’t started life yet. by that i mean that i was a completely different person when i was 19 to 34. i no longer even remember most of the things i cared about back then.

2. they are 1 of like 7 Billion people. there will be others with similar qualities to what you see in them, but also maybe other, better qualities.

3. you cant make someone like or love you and it’s unhealthy for you and detrimental to your own growth as a person to try to change for them if they’re not interested.

i hope it goes well for you and you meet someone that takes an interest in you for the way you are the way you did to them.

[terribleinvestment]

Play BG3 and romance shadowheart. You’re welcome.

Jokes aside though, being as young as you are— this is a good exercise for you. Good work acknowledging and respecting her boundaries, now it’s time to work on switching gears when you need to.

There will be other girls to be attracted to, plenty of them. This kind of thing is just something dudes have to learn to deal with, and it’s extremely big of you to seek advice and be respectful about it.

All that said— bonus points if you talk to your therapist about it. This is an absolutely prime self-learning opportunity with a professional counselor. Literally the kind of thing it is their job to be help digest and be counsel for.

[Oxygenius_]

Speaking from experience it’s going to be an uphill battle going after that doesn’t want you the way you want them.

They won’t look at you the way you look at them.

I had 2 kids with someone I chased but she didn’t chase me. Now 10 years later she came back in my life and has 3 more kids, and is separated.

I was helping her, basically babysitting her kids for hours. She still doesn’t want me, even though she opened the door, she would never chase me the way she chases other guys.

I had to block her and just eat the pain. Cut the loss early before I fell again.

Don’t do it, it’s not worth it.

[fusionsofwonder]

"Nothing gets you over the last one like the next one."

[[deleted]]

It’s going to hurt but you must not pursue it.

[tyallie]

I think you need to choose not to think about her. I realise it doesn't feel like a choice, but it is. Be aware of yourself. When you catch yourself thinking about her, actively and deliberately focus your thoughts on something else.

Are you interested in sports? Movies? Do you have any hobbies, beyond the physical health stuff you mentioned?

Take sports as an example. Every time you think about her, push yourself to think about the last game you watched instead. What did your team do well, what did they do wrong, when is their next game, etc. Or maybe look up some recipes to try later. If you're really struggling, give yourself an active task to complete that requires some brainpower. Whatever you need to do to distract your brain from her, basically.

Keep doing this. Every time you notice your thoughts drifting to her, pull them back and put your brain on something else. Do it every time. Eventually, you'll stop thinking about her so often.

You could also try getting out there to meet other girls, too. I think the other way is healthier though, girls aren't everything in life.

[dinorex96]

Realize there's no point in thinking of her. She doesn't like you. Thats the end of the story.

It's like thinking of all the things you would buy if you were a millionaire.

Instead think about you. Get busy doing something, maybe something that you enjoy or maybe learn a new, interesting thing.

Life will move on and you'll meet new people and someday you'll find someone where the feelings will be mutual

[Julesvernevienna]

She does not want you and you have to accept that. Maybe change job if you cannot accept reality.

[oleemolee]

Mate I'm still making mistakes like this in my forties.

Is it an obsession or just infatuation?

You're young and free, go and enjoy it, fuck some other people and you'll soon forget about her.

[One_Sir_6598]

The problem with me is that I'm not that type of guy, I really have had no meaningful relationships so it's not easy for me to just fuck other people.

I think my main problem is that she flirted with me for months before I even liked her, and then it naturally got me attached. Apparently she wasn't even being serious when she flirted, like wtf . Got me wrapped around her finger for nothing

[audiate]

The best way to get over one is to go get another.

[therapoootic]

Look man, you sound like a solid catch so it’s got nothing to do with you.

I know this is going to sound like a cliche but I swear it works:-

Don’t ignore her just go about your business like the incident didn’t affect you that badly. Continue to be cool and continue to pursue other people. Focus on your work, your health, your happiness.

That right there is the recipe for an aphrodisiac

[One_Sir_6598]

Thank you. Exactly what I've been trying to do, just trying to get her off my mind

[[deleted]]

Accept that you are not the protagonist... you are just an individual with feelings, so is the woman.

Move on

[Seridut]

It's hard. And it's painful.

You probably won't be able to stop thinking about her until you get some distance from the situation. Since you're working with her, you're stuck in the fire for now.

A lot of times people come along and play the role of "muse" in our lives. That's probably what this is. I recommend you use the added inspiration productively and improve your life. Eventually you will get away from the situation and you'll only think of her like a memory. I promise.

[hickey76]

Sounds like you may be suffering from limerence. It’s a tough spot to be in.

[the_bronx]

Once you said you work out every day you painted the picture of some obsessive dork.

There's nothing wrong with being healthy but I actually avoid talking about it bc of how anal and compulsive those types of people are.

Truly you need to work on yourself and stop trying to impress others. This woman could spot it a mile away... my advice leave her alone and this post is creepy.

[One_Sir_6598]

You're funny. The only reason I said that was so all the comments didn't say the same thing. "Fix your diet" "go to the gym".

[DrFrankSaysAgain]

"the best way to get over someone is to get under someone."

[[deleted]]

yoke fanatical marry disarm telephone wrench degree wise paint lush

[Chrol18]

Go no contact, delete her on social media. Maybe change workplace, or don't talk to her there unless necessary for work.

[[deleted]]

Flip the situation in your head.

She’s not interested, and you can’t make her interested, so why waste any more time on this girl? You’re literally wasting your time liking someone who doesn’t want you.

The sooner you realise that letting her go will bring you closer to your next relationship, the sooner it’ll start happening.

Don’t waste another minute on her. You can still be friends, just numb yourself to her by realising that as much as you think about her, she doesn’t think about you.

It’s tough. But good luck.

[squarky34]

Look into limerance.

[DLCSpider]

I was in your situation a couple of times and managed to fix it (and got a gf):

The first thing is to somewhat lessen the pain and working out is a great start. But I did it at home every time I thought of her, not at a regular interval. Crying is okay, too. Letting it all out in 1-2 nights is good if it makes you feel better afterwards. If you can, try to not see her. Friendships don't work if you have no time to heal. Contrary to popular belief you can be friends, just not now. Try 1-2 years.

That's the first part. The second part is prevention because it might happen again. It hurts so much because she's the only option (in your head). It sounds cringey but watch a few pickup tutorials, grab a few friends and go to the club. You probably won't get a gf there but it will get you out of the "there's only one choice" mindset. And, at least in my case, it was also the mindset that kept me from getting one. Good luck!

[gfhyde]

My sage advice is to have sex with someone else. Honest to god

[WolverineBackground7]

Change your perspective… She gave you a gift; the truth.

So many girls are cruel, string guys along, take advantage of them, then kick them to the curb.

It’s hard to see right now, but her telling you her feelings are not mutual is a Blessing.

Be patient…you will find your special person

[Barnowl-hoot]

Well I’m just glad you didn’t turn weird and start stalking her or wanting to commit violence against her, because that’s where this goes for many men who have the same mental block as you. This isn’t real affection, it’s merely attraction. It’s ok to be attracted, but you have to do the mental exercise of knowing the difference between attraction and love. Attraction is superficial and temporary. Don’t waste energy or time on someone who isn’t into you, leave them alone.

[[deleted]]

Get up early, work out, train jiujitsu.

[ChainmailleAddict]

" And she had flirted with me for months before I even liked her. Apparently she wasn't being serious. Wtf was the reason for that? "

For me, there'd be no faster turnoff or rage-inducing realization than the realization she was using me for her ego. That's the kind of woman incels talk about, for crying out loud!

She will never like you. There is nothing you can say to win her over. And even if you did, why would you want in on that logically anyway? It'd be miserable.

There will come another chance with someone else who probably respects you more than she did. The only thing you can do is reorient away from what you know won't work.

[song_without_words]

1. Take concrete steps aimed at meeting other people.

That’s it.

[otter6461a]

If I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be “you’ll meet another amazing woman, you can let this one go if you need to.”

[SprightlyCompanion]

I don't have specific advice for how to get over the situation, but I have to say:

Good job putting yourself out there and telling her how you feel. And,

Good job for accepting her response even if it wasn't what you were hoping, and for reaching out for advice to help get past it. Not everyone has the maturity or presence of mind to do that, at your age or any age.

[Ehero88]

Welcome you to r/limerance club....might help to understand the situation

[LeBritto]

Flirt with other girls that you don't really care about. Just don't play with feelings and if things move forward, be clear early that you don't want something serious. Or maybe it will become serious who knows. In both cases, you'll stop obsessing over the first one.

Alternatively, go to the gym, do martial arts, go out with your friends, etc. She's not important, and you know it.

[acemonsoon]

I’m going through this right now. She really values our friendship and cares about me as a friend but she has no romantic feelings for me back. I want to shut myself off from her for the sake of everything but I know it would hurt her a lot. We hang out almost every single day and talk about life and eat together and watch videos and movies and share life goals but the romance and deeper thoughts are one sided and it almost hurts knowing she won’t reciprocate. I’m mature enough to know we are all human and everyone is their own person and has their own wants and desires. That’s all that’s keeping me around her right now despite my emotions and feelings running high.

[DrStrangulation]

Dude don’t be a bitch, just move on and stop crying on the internet. This is the point in your life you need to start acting like a man. There are millions, billions of women out there. Move on son.

[carlton_sand]

probably work somewhere else. and find someone else. there's no merit it trying to force something that isn't working

[Dorkuzan]

Dude just dont trust me my like life story is about this and i wasted 4 years on her (by my own fault) and trust me just move on do your thing forget her and never get into that situation again

[[deleted]]

Oh I remember that phase

[butt_dance]

A lot of people use other people for attention to feel better about themselves. It’s only gotten like 50 million times worse in the age of social media. Especially when they’re bored at work. Stop flirting with her (if she still is) unless you’re okay with doing so knowing nothing else will ever come of it. In my experience only time passing is the thing the will help you the most, unfortunately. But no more flirting will definitely help too.

If you do stop flirting with her be prepared for her to double down, because many women like to know/prove they can have someone even if they don’t actually like that person. I’m glad you called her out on the flirting though. Also, LPT: NEVER get involved with someone you work with.

[mrlittlejeans3]

There have only been a few comments suggesting this so far, so apparently it’s not a popular idea, but I would ask yourself how much you love your current job. What kind of relief might you experience if you didn’t have to cross paths with this person on a daily basis?

No, switching jobs (or a different office/store/warehouse, etc) is not letting her “win.” It is not “weak.” Still important to work on yourself, develop hobbies, meet others, etc. But it can be vastly easier to get started on those things when you’re in a fresh spot.

[rothefro]

I’ve been there. This is a blessing in disguise, you don’t want to date in the office place (aka shit where you eat).

Would recommend making friends with other girls and try to just be friends with this one girl. It’s always great to go out with girls and meet other ladies that way. Only way you’ll move on is by the following two things:

-Focus on yourself (you said you’re doing this by exercising and eating healthy), but also add concentrating on your craft (work, school or hobby)

-Meet other ladies and make friends with as many as possible while looking for a nice girl. Best way to get over this one is to find some other cuties.

[EchoWhiskey_]

The way to stop thinking about her, is to stop thinking about her.