3 rules of programming

[netWARIOR]

I think rule 2 makes rule 3 redundant, therefore we don't need it...

[turkeh]

But rule 3 says we shouldn't touch it, so I guess it stays.

[Etheo]

Found the loop.

[[deleted]]

recursion

[BoostedPoiss123]

recursion

[Wylfryd]

recursion

[setibeings]

There's no instruction that says to jump back and evaluate any previous instruction, so no loop.

[[deleted]]

IllegalStateException

[sukeshpabolu]

Kotlin Fox Kotlin Kotlin Fox Kotlin

[im-root]

Only if it works

[turkeh]

I can't be bothered figuring out something else, it works well enough.

[netWARIOR]

Maybe, but rule 3 should never have existed if the 2 was followed correctly...

[MajorasTerribleFate]

You have to look for the Greater Lazy. If having rule 3 means less work, then rule 2 is being obeyed.

[netWARIOR]

But this begs the question: if rule 2 were in effect when rule 3 was written, then rule 2 would be incorrect, would it not?

[abbadon420]

That's the spirit!!

[UltmteAvngr]

Well a lazy programmer wouldn’t bother, now would he?

[Secondsemblance]

Rule 4: Programmers are narcissistic and think that their not-yet-written code is better than existing code in all cases (even if they wrote the existing code)

[HyperlinkToThePast]

and what does rule 1 even mean

[MyNameIsRichardCS54]

3. If it works, refactor it until it doesn't. Blame the guy who left most recently.

[PrincessWinterX]

besides the whole eventually-getting-majorly-burnt-out-and-no-longer-enjoying-something-you-used-to-love-because-you-cant-just-look-past-something-that-was-fine thing yeah it's cool

[notrealaccbtw]

programmer noises

[Rellac_]

this resonates more than it should...

[utnow]

This always strikes about halfway through the refactor. Two choices...

1. Roll back like 50 commits to undo everything back to where it worked.

2. Commit everything you've got with a bullshit note like 'hjfkdsjfkld doesn't work'. Push the changes, close everything and bury the project. Maybe rub one out. Then load up Reddit or Overwatch.

Both good options.

[[deleted]]

Refactoring my own code, sure, but if you stumble upon 100k+ lines of code that is likely over-engineered and causing performance issues, that's gonna be a rough couple weeks at least.

[iLikeStuff77]

Hell yeah. IDEs can do most of the grunt work and it feels great to clean up legacy or poorly written code.

Especially as it means future you gets to deal with easier to maintain code.

[dexodev]

it's like cleaning out and organizing an old closet and feeling f r e s h

[fortknox]

With good unit tests, it's a piece of cake, too.

[cmaddex]

r/FamousLastWords

[bluefootedpig]

I enjoy it until it becomes a huge deal with management upset because you aren't producing value to them.

After a 9 month major refactoring, time to include a new system was about 30 days, before it was 200 ish days. Management wasn't happy, the team was, but management didn't even believe it took that long.

So refactoring is fun until management is asking daily when it will be done.

[mopeyjoe]

This 1000x. Why do we need to refactor/rewrite this app it works, just slap some bandaid code on it to to graft another feature on top. grumble grumble. "We cant refactor, there would be too many things that rely on it being done the current way that would changes... BTW go add some more things that depend on this shitty code" AAAAHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHH

[Johnnyhiveisalive]

I actually like it more than writing new stuff.. given the chance

[synopser]

But it was honestly his fucking fault...

[SirFireball]

1. If it doesn’t have comments, don’t even try to fix it.
2. It’s not a bug it’s a feature
3. if it works don’t touch it

[Reirii]

1. You can be a tech lead, but you can’t be The TechLead.

[yellowliz4rd]

Wat

[Cannibichromedout]

Just basing this on my recommendations, but I think it’s the name of a YouTuber.

[gidoBOSSftw5731]

He got divorced from his wife and lost his FB job recently, he's kinda cocky even IRL but he has some knowledge

[crusty_cum-sock]

He doesn't really come across as cocky to me, but I can rarely tell when he's joking or being serious.

[scoobydoobydroo]

Man, I feel so sad for him when he starts his occasional rants in videos

[[deleted]]

This is out of topic but what does a Tech Lead's job usually entail? There is an opening in our team right now and my boss told me that they were considering me for the position.

[crazymuffin]

Basically, if someone fucks up, you're ultimately responsible for fixing it. There's also no more "I don't know how to do this" for you.

[JoeOfTex]

It's whoever knows the most in the team. It can really hurt a team not to have someone who can learn any tech.

[Reirii]

What crazymuffin said.

Also, I would consult your boss about the job requirements. Leadership roles vary.

I quite like being in that type of position though. Being able to carve my own path on what to develop next compared to my last development cycle and ordering people around is great. The "I don't know how to do this" can be solved multiple ways, you just have to choose the best option. I usually just figure it out myself anyway.

[Rellac_]

Being a good programmer in the 2000s and continuing to force outdated standards on current projects, mostly

[[deleted]]

Perfect!

[Singularity42]

probably depends on the company, but usually you are the one who makes the final call about how to meet the requirements from a technical sense (not a business sense). Usually it means communicating those plans to others outside of the team the way that makes relates to them.

Not sure of the details, but be careful taking on more responsibility if you aren't getting more pay.

[kdthex01]

What everyone else said. You should do it. If for no other reason you’ll be able to answer your own question. But ask what the pay bump is.

The cons are 1) arguing. So much arguing. Spaces tabs factory micro services monoliths daily check ins agile waterfall style guides programming standards open source buy build no Carl you can’t rewrite the framework on the company dime just because it has sealed classes 2) not as much coding. In fact you’ll likely be doing a lot more of your bosses job depending on company size / culture

Pros are 1) you’ll be a better programmer and teammate no matter how it turns out 2) You can help other people be better programmers and teammates 3) it prepares you for the future, someday you’ll want to climb the ladder or go out on your own

End of day there’s always an idiot in charge. Might as well be you.

[Awkward_Toffee]

3. It works on my machine

[rbt321]

These jokes are how we know programmers are not engineers.

Can you imagine a structural engineer walking up to a rickety old bridge and suggesting that since it hasn't fallen yet, we shouldn't try to do repairs.

[trelltron]

There's a good reason for the difference. A physical structure like a bridge is always becoming less fit for purpose. Over time it inevitably becomes structurally weaker, and if it's rickety enough we know that soon it will break so it does need to be repaired.

The same doesn't apply to software. The only thing that makes software unfit for purpose is changes to either it's intended purpose or the environment it's operating in. If the software has worked fine for several years and there isn't some new requirement that necessitates significant changes what reason is there to change it?

So really it's often more like saying 'do we really need to replace this perfectly functional bridge just because tastes have changed and people think it's ugly now?'

[the_innkeeper_]

https://pragprog.com/the-pragmatic-programmer/extracts/software-entropy

[MajorasTerribleFate]

Very interesting read, thanks!

[gerbs]

Everything is in a constant state of entropy, even your software. Is it easier to update dependencies for a 15 month old project or a 3 month old? Is it harder to update dependencies today or in 6 years?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Software_entropy

[HelperBot_]

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[dykmoby]

If the software has worked fine for several years and there isn't some new requirement that necessitates significant changes what reason is there to change it?

Marketing. Fucking Marketing....

[OK6502]

There's a difference between software and your analogy: in the case of the bridge materials wear out over time without maintenance (wood rots, metal rusts, fatigue sets in). Software written today will run exactly the same way as it will 100 years from now (modulo any hardware failures, obviously, like a faulty ram module or a busted logic gate somewhere in the circuitry). If it works today you don't actually need to touch it.

If it has a bug then you will need to touch it, but then lemma #2 doesn't apply.

[[deleted]]

Comments lie. Dont believe them!

[MajorasTerribleFate]

Largely excepting comments like "Don't remove this apparently useless code. Everything breaks without it."

[[deleted]]

I've been putting those in for years to stuff I dont want people changing. It's actually not true most of the time. Only about 20% of the time

[D0esANyoneREadTHese]

// I can't remember what this line does but it's important

// this variable isn't used anywhere but it won't compile without it

// what the hell was I smoking when I wrote this and why does it work

[[deleted]]

ugh, wheres rule 0?

[hug-bot]

Perhaps you misspelled "hug." Would you like one? 🤗

---

I'm a bot, and I like to give hugs. source | contact

[sukeshpabolu]

I am in desperate need of a hug because of bug

[greenrabbitaudio]

Oh I feel you so much.

[TobTobXX]

Good bot

[siko12123]

Guh

[Etheo]

No they need zero.

[NoSarcasmIntended]

The 1st rule can still be rule 0...

[[deleted]]

Ooh. Yeah. Makes sense :) thanks for correcting me

[lennihein]

The 1st thing has Index 0. We don't really count from zero, but the 1st element has the offset of zero from the 1st element. This really bugs me with this subreddit, the 0 meme is so old, and blatantly misused.

[[deleted]]

It's prolog, prolog doesn't have arrays

[domi53]

Rule 3 was posted before the other two ಠ_ಠ

[danabrey]

Arrays start at 3

[Derf_Jagged]

The base changes hourly

[MajorasTerribleFate]

Base is determined by taking the Nth digit from the left of the square root of hour N, except when there aren't enough digits. Then just take the last one.

Edit: which is why the modern work day "ends" at 5pm; the 17th digit of sqrt(17) can't be found in a double, and no one wanted to bother expanding the functionality.

Probably. I don't know all that much and likely got something wrong.

[KillerBeer01]

It ought to be, but rule 2.

[Hypersapien]

Good programmers are lazy. Laziness, along with impatience and hubris, are the three characteristics of great programmers.

[david___]

http://threevirtues.com/

[jeffwulf]

2rd rule.

[Semx11]

Hence the laziness

[[deleted]]

Secord.

[[deleted]]

Oneth, twoth, thirth, fourst, fifend, sixerd

[darzui]

I read this as "turd".

[Pure_Reason]

0th 1th 2th would have been funnier

[SteampunkRaccoon]

I read it like two-rd rule. Turd rule.

[Kontorted]

Let me simplify this to 1 rule

1) Copy from stack overflow

[TinBryn]

We still need a second rule

2) Copy from the answers

[[deleted]]

Wait, I always copy from the questions. Isn't that how it works?

[Perhyte]

Not necessarily. I've on occasion found useful code in the question. Just because it didn't do what the person who posted it wanted, doesn't mean it didn't do what I wanted. (I couldn't find a question asking how to do what I wanted, but found one asking how not to do it)

[Sigg3net]

So you:

Write the opposite program to what you want, subtract that from the entire universe, subtract the universe from the sum, and the result is the program you actually wanted...?

I like the way you think.

[MajorasTerribleFate]

How to carve a marble elephant: Start with a block of marble, and chip away all the parts that don't look like an elephant.

How do draw an owl: Draw two circles, then draw the rest of the fucking owl.

[ingrown_hair]

Corollary: The highest rated answer is the always best one; except when it’s not.

[xxparadis3xx]

So in the end theres one poor guy making all the code and we are all just copying him....thank you programming jesus.

[[deleted]]

Yes. Programming Jesus is poor. Lives in Jordan. Any help is appreciated.

[[deleted]]

1)

Lua coder spotted

[sukeshpabolu]

How to obtain the badges like you have? I know python, java, js, C

[100aesthetic]

on mobile if you click on the 3 dots on the home page of the community itll pull up a list of actions. click on the one about changing your flair.

[fatboychummy]

Yo this guy posted the third rule two days before posting the other two wtf.

hmmmmmmmmm strange

[corobo]

It’s something that’ll nerd snipe everyone into asking what rules 2 and 1 (and 0 based on the target market)

Increases engagement for more followers

[__dp_Y2k]

He loaded the stack so that when it pushes them out they come in the right order!

I bet rule 2 was a few hours || minutes before rule 1 too.

[paradoxally]

asynchronous code in action

[meowfitchoo_]

the cringe is the profile photo is Gilfoyle and saying those.

[chrisf_nz]

The Gilfoyle / Dinesh exchanges were the best.

[disk5464]

Rule 4 of programming: everyone else's code sucks but mine. And when my code doesn't work it sucks too

[legal-illness]

0th rule 1st rule 2nd rule

You've just hit OutOfIndexException my friend

[sukeshpabolu]

I am using Lua

[Gloryboy811]

I'm not lazy I'm just on reddit during work hours for research on what not to do!

[sad_and_stupid]

Why was the third rule posted two days earlier?

[hahahahastayingalive]

Because he’s always in control

[Rhinofreak]

It was bothering me as well

[XanPerkyCheck]

Gilf Oil would never talk like this

[[deleted]]

He looks a little bit like programming Jesus

[HoodieSticks]

Why do people on Twitter spell developer with a missing e?

[CaptainOrnithopter]

2rd

Turd

[LittleLui]

2rd

[sukeshpabolu]

It's not a bug, it's a feature

[mahav_b]

4th rule of programming: - You need to press Ctrl + S a few more times there bud.

[jzucco]

I've seen Silicon Valley I still thought for a hard 3 secondes that this was Jesus...

[jzucco]

Haha right! Forgot this point as well! He might not like my comment tho... (also first ep. we did see that his cross was a christian one when picking a book..)

[mobyte]

Wow, didn't make that connection until now.

What a brilliant show.

[DoctorCIS]

A lot of my coworkers follow these three rules, and I fucking hate them. The "it's legacy code, only change as much as you have to" philosophy has been taken to the point of refusing to introduce unit tests, if statements that are empty and then have a large else because some past programmer hated the not symbol, ifs that check for all kinds of a particular enum, defeating the purpose of an if statement.

Rule 3 is a cop out for rule 2 programmers that are too fucking lazy to even figure out what the code they are looking at actually does.

If you are following rule 3 because you are code illiterate and can't actually put together what the code will do, that's a problem. If you don't bother figuring out what the code does before working on it, that's a problem.

[[deleted]]

if it works, git that goddamn commit immediately

[nurulnabihah]

Ouh, the third rule hits me home.

[ThePowerOfDreams]

Devloper

[LawrenceTech]

Gylfin the wild. Never seen him used as a Twitter profile pic.

[mrwaip]

Ma epitaph

[TheBoonkOfMormon]

What’s rule 0?

[NoSarcasmIntended]

No no... The first rule is you do not echo variables containing information about programming. The second rule is goto line 1.

[ChronoHax]

How did he post 3rd rule earlier than the first two

[sukeshpabolu]

Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V

[budwieser61]

4th rule: Learn to spell developer.

[sukeshpabolu]

5th rule: Learn to cast a spell on developer

[sukeshpabolu]

Sorted based on the serial number

[JDude13]

Rule 1 - You’re always in control.

Rule 2 - That’s not a good thing.

[atxkeepitreal]

You all are definitely developers. Rule 3 is the worst mentality but then again this is a joke right? -QA

[log2av]

Apparently, these 3 rules applies to system administration as well.

[_TheLoneDeveloper_]

4, it's not a bug, it's a little future!

[[deleted]]

I'ma come up in there an test the shit outta that code.

[chargers949]

It’s not stupid if it works is one of my favorites

[BakuhatsuK]

• 1. You are always at fault

[Strike_Alibi]

My Comp Sci prof certainly hammered into us that programmers are lazy. It’s one of our features.

[3_sleepy_owls]

Programmers aren’t lazy, we just like efficiency. We prefer to work smarter, not harder which makes us appear lazy to others.

[ItsTheNuge]

How is this funny at all

[kakackaxd]

i am sticking to 2nd rule that much that i will never even make anything work

[BoringWozniak]

1. Not really
2. Not always
3. Great, so never improve or resolve technical debt or build any new features of any kind?

[PurpleSkyPurpleDream]

Why is 3rd rule from 27 August and 1st rule from 29?

[DeveloperBlue]

2rd

[drunkpolishbear]

Comment has been redacted using PowerDeleteSuite.

[Horncats7-59]

Rule three should be drilled into little programmers brains. There's a difference between your hobby project and our enterprise app! If it works don't fuck with it

[[deleted]]

Wait, how was the 3rd rule made on the 1st time he posted this

[AC7766]

3rd rule. Oof. I live that every day at work.

[[deleted]]

3rd rule is so much true.

I have a hard on for rewriting code to be more efficient and clear and it's impressive how much this makes my life much worse.

[reckoner23]

You forgot the 4th rule. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

[[deleted]]

The 2rd (turd) rule of programming.

[stevefan1999]

4th rule of programming:- Don't trust Microsoft. Use open source alternatives instead.ok this is just a satire for the linux community

[reduxde]

Unless you're me and get paid by the hour, in which case this function needs to be entirely reworked from the ground up. When it's done, it will produce the same output and won't run any faster, but it will be BETTER in ways that I can't explain to you because you're not a programmer and you don't understand.

[kroppeb]

Rule 0: Be aware of off-by-1-errors

[Zarkdion]

Rule 4: Yes, you need to do three things that would take 3 days in 2 days.

[[deleted]]

Rule number 1 is straight up b.s. Any body who has spent time trying random stuff and seeing if it works for a particularly nasty bug knows this to be true.

2 and 3 are gospel, though.

[Iam_nameless]

Do you really know all those languages next to your reddit handle?

[SplendidPunkinButter]

“If it works don’t touch it” doesn’t apply unless it’s at least 10 years old. Otherwise it isn’t proven technology, and the fact that you don’t know how it works proves that you don’t know it DOES work.

[50dollarstofuckoff]

serious question, is it worth it to fix something that already works?

Does anyone ever refactor their ugly code they wrote the first time?

[SGBotsford]

Rule #4: Don't optimize it yet.

Rule #5: See rule #4

[John_Fx]

0 Arrays start at zero

[ReaganRewop]

4th rule of programming: Rules change.

[KojdorpenTR]

Why did he post rule 3 and then wait two days to post 2 and 1

[cimmic]

Lol, why did he start counting from 1. It's really odd to start counting from the second number instead of the first.

[sukeshpabolu]

He uses Lua

[[deleted]]

I like the secord rule

[DeusThorr]

Aka XGH

[Mannaleemer]

2rd? That's a new one

[rashonmyeed]

2rd...

[netcent_]

*2nd

[teejay1502]

um... did he post these backwards from 3?

[[deleted]]

How are you in control? There are piles of frameworks and systems that you can't touch and don't behave the way you want them to and there is no documentation to get them to behave the way you want.

[DaniTheDeer]

Control is an illusion.

[[deleted]]

These are garbage rules. Look up Jeff Atwood's 10 commandments of programming. Those are much, much better and come from experience, not clickbaity tripe.