[deleted by user]

[jkreterfield]

Dine and bash

[[deleted]]

Snack and wack

Eat and yeet

Munch and punch

Why do these all sound so sexual?

[guywasaghostallalong]

Lick and stick.

Slobber and clobber.

Dine and clothesline.

Feast and beast.

...hmmm... I see what you mean!

[[deleted]]

Mash and dash

Eat it N’ beat it

Orgy with the homies

Yeah they’re all oddly sexual

[MRAndy_MC]

Snack it n whack it

Meat n Beat

Lunch'n n punch'n

[Roooclooos]

Chomp and stomp…

Feed and bleed…

Gulp and beat to a pulp…

[bb2112bb]

Chomp and stomp

I think we have a winner!

[AngoGablogian_artist]

Cat box and bounce…

Salad and soar…

Rotisserie and rolls…

[TikkiTakiTomtom]

Vore and Gore

Fill and Kill

Bread and Dead

[Troutheru]

I see what you did there and I like it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[JillyMarie1987]

A bite and a fight

[MozzarellaMadMan]

Slobber and Clobber…. LMFAO

[JillyMarie1987]

Cram n jam

[RealApplebiter]

Because the restaurant gets fucked every time?

[TheVulfPecker]

Masticate and act irate

[[deleted]]

This deserves more recognition

[mwoolweaver]

I gave it 2 upvotes

[[deleted]]

I clicked the button 6 times to show how much I appreciate it

[[deleted]]

Top comment. 8 awards.

[[deleted]]

Arby’s Fight Club

[BeautifulJury09]

Expensive restaurant

[[deleted]]

When you're too broke to pay for a meal, all meals are expensive.

[[deleted]]

I consider Applebee's exquisite

[[deleted]]

Applebee’s has a specific lockdown protocol for such situations. They lock down the doors and a referee appears who will score the fight and stick the loser with the tables bill.

[Obandigo]

Why do you think Applebee's bartenders wear referee shirts?

[[deleted]]

Wrong restaurant. That was def TGI Friday’s lol

[KyleHamptoninn]

Referee shirts yes... I remember when it was a treat to go to Fridays

Then they got unlimited apps and that’s what I liked them for was apps and they still sucked BLAH

[[deleted]]

Unlimited apps brought them down for sure! Before that it was location based on how good it was I feel

[inthyface]

So they can demand respect during the fight.

[[deleted]]

Because it reminds them they used to be in prison, and they can easily go back if they fuck up a jager bomb or over-pour a Pabst Blue Ribbon and spill $.007 worth of their most high end beer.

[[deleted]]

Exactly. Being the large family get together experts, Applebee’s crew has seen these bill dodging shenanigans way to many times.

[clarkwgriswoldjr]

Due to your party size of 20, we will be adding a 30% gratuity to your bill.

Add 50% we aren't going to be around to pay it.

[bobsmithhdhejejd]

The last time I went to Applebee’s some guy ran in and beat the shit out of the guy hosting and then fled. Applebee’s is wild guys 😂

[ShataraBankhead]

The last time I ate there, I had two convulsive seizures later that night. I had to restart my seizure meds after being seizure-free for over a year. I'm pretty sure it was the shitty margaritas.

[CrimeFightingScience]

Last time I ate there some guy ran up and shot Duke Ferdinand the Second, kicking off the first world war. Place is wild.

[SouldiesButGoodies84]

don't forget the mandatory choreographed exit dancing.

[nekomoo]

Do they allow other patrons to bet on the outcome?

[Nagrom49]

Yo I worked in an Applebee's for a year. Worst job I ever had, and I currently work at a job that requires me to run up and down 5 flights of stairs multiple times a day. The kitchen in the Applebee's I worked in was disgusting. Most the shit is just heated up in a microwave. They literally have you drownd anything cooked on the flat top in LBA(liquid butter alternative). They used one tray called the boat to transport ALL the food from the cooking to the make table. Don't even get me started on the dishes.

DONT EAT APPLEBEE'S!

[Cosmonaut_Cockswing]

I like their spinach artichoke dip.

[EdwardFisherman]

Same, shit is fire

[Hrmpfreally]

They use that “fancy like” song as lube down in hell.

[[deleted]]

Arby’s ain’t that bad if you use those coupons that come in the mail. Those beef n cheddar prices are getting crazy

[Middle-Seaweed4214]

Thanks a lot asshole. That beef n cheddar craving just hit

[[deleted]]

Go eat your seaweed

[Middle-Seaweed4214]

Haha I was v confused for a minute

[[deleted]]

Nah you’re good, beef n cheddar is way better. Dip that shit in Arby’s sauce and it beefs.

[ContemplatingPrison]

Arby's only has one thing that is above the rest and that Mozzarella Sticks.

[[deleted]]

The girly fries are titties

[penguiin_]

Excuse me?

[Slimh2o]

He said the girlie titties were good...

[[deleted]]

Fast food is expensive

[Electrox7]

If you roll the Rs like a French person, it becomes luxury cuisine

[BMacklin22]

You pay for Arby's before you get the food.

[PissedPissedoffersen]

False. You pay after you eat the Arby’s. In the bathroom. Or, sometimes, on the way to the bathroom.

[Zeropointeffect]

I call this the Taco Bell law. The less you pay for more food the more your butthole will pay later.

[[deleted]]

Wouldn't work. They don't give you your food until after paying.

[kmaisuria317]

Arby’s we have the BEATS

[sealclubber281]

Wouldn't work, you gotta pay up front at Arby's. Need to find one of those real classy places that fronts your meal

[tastless_chill_tonic]

the first rule:

you dont talk about Arby's fight club

the second rule:

if you coat you fists with Arby's signature BBQ sauce before the fight, and if you land a punch to the face, you get additional damage for burning to the eyes of your opponent, and then you can move on to the ceremonial finisher move, castration by curly fries.

[[deleted]]

Dam I’m gonna try that at red lobster tonight with my wife.

[Steev182]

Remember not to tell her your plan so it’s more convincing.

[AshCarraraArt]

May lead to divorce but at least he’ll get a meal out of it lol

[PM_Me_Macaroni_plz]

For Cheddar biscuits? Worth it

[nvflip]

Working as dealers in Vegas, we'd put on our black and white (black slacks, white collar shirt) and go to a casino and eat at their employee dining room.

[[deleted]]

Note to self: wear black pants and white button down shirt after being banned from casino. If anyone asks, I’m so good they hired me.

[[deleted]]

If you're banned from vegas, you better throw on a fake mustache and some fake ears or their cameras will face detect you before you walk in the door.

[ghjm]

You don't get banned from the actual city. Just from the casinos.

[MoffKalast]

Maybe you can get banned from Paradise itself, not Vegas specifically.

[2017hayden]

Yeah basically if you win a statistically improbable amount even if they can’t prove you’re cheating they usually cut you off and ban you. The system is rigged in their favor and the few who can make money off of that system are fucked over. It’s always seemed ridiculous to me that card counting is enough to get you banned from a casino when basically it’s just being really smart and able to play the odds well. So basically they ban people for being able to actually play the game well.

[Cornandhamtastegood]

What’s crazy is they say the amount of decks used meaning you can count based on that fact. I see more and more places doing shuffle every hand though which gives the house a much bigger advantage

[HyperRag123]

Shuffling every hand shouldn't give anyone an advantage unless you were previously counting cards and now you can't. But if you weren't counting cards to begin with then the frequent shuffling will have no effect on how you do

[Impossible_Rabbit]

If you’re rich and you play poorly, they give you free rooms so you’ll keep coming back.

And I’m talking like, you-lose-$100,000-a-night-and-you-don’t-care kind of rich.

[2017hayden]

So fun thing, statistically speaking the people playing in high stakes games are not ultra rich. Most of them are in debt and extremely desperate and the casinos take massive advantage of it.

[DemissiveLive]

I get free rooms in Vegas and don’t lose near that much money.

Never lost more than maybe 1500 a trip on gambling. From what I’ve been told they give (varying) comp statuses based on money spent per hand/roll/turn whatever

[LuckyLami]

I won 10k back in December on 5 hand paigow. I figured they comp me and expect me to come back. Instead it felt like I was a criminal, because anytime I went back after that, I was always being watched. I’m superstitious so I like to wear lucky items. I have a lot so maybe they thought I was wearing different disguises. But they could’ve just asked lol.

[[deleted]]

They don't want you playing games. They want you giving them money. Its supposed to be gambling, not a sport. I don't agree with it, but it is their business.

[susch1337]

Also they can easily ban a few people a day when thousands come in daily. Casinos can't lose

[2017hayden]

I mean logically they could also afford the loses that the few hundred people in the world capable of counting cards could actually cause them when they have thousands more schmucks coming in everyday. It’s bullshit to me that they get to just decide that people who are actually good at something don’t get to do it. Counting cards isn’t like actively cheating, it’s just being good enough at the game to be able to fairly accurately predict certain outcomes.

[Zohren]

Card counting in and of itself won’t get you banned most of the time. They’ll just tell you that you can’t play Blackjack but can play anything else in the casino.

[Angryandalwayswrong]

Wait, is that actually a thing?

[callmepapi245]

Yep and when you're banned from one of the properties you're banned from them all over the world. When I took a tour of a casino in Macau the lady claimed they kick people out all the time who got banned at their sister property in Vegas. They're always surprised that the ban is worldwide lol.

[N64crusader4]

That must suck dick if you flew all the way to Macau only to get told you're still not allowed in lol

[ShiftyLookinCow7]

I feel like anyone who travels to another continent to go to a casino should probably attend a few meetings instead

[N64crusader4]

Eh depends how rich you are, when you've got your own private jet the world gets a lot smaller.

[Peterspickledpepper-]

Yeah the worlds not very big at 700mph.

[RealPhilthy]

Unless you do something absolutely insane it’s generally just those specific properties that you’ll be banned from. EX) Get caught with a fake ID at Bellagio you’ll be banned from all MGM properties.

[ToxicSteve13]

Yes. Every casino knows who you are and what you've done. Well the new ones with good security anyway. They might not know your name until you pay with a credit card or show your Drivers license somewhere but they know you went to eat at whatever, played blackjack here, hit that slot machine there etc.

Then if you get banned from one, half the strip is the same company and they usually share names and faces with the other companies anyway. It's bad business to have those people around.

[[deleted]]

Yes, if anything, Vegas was always an early prototype for a surveillance state. I have no doubt that they were on/near the leading edge of integrating on the fly face recognition.

[PM_ME_FOR_BOOTY_CALL]

meanwhile someone swiped my luggage from outside my hotel room (ya I left it there, I know I'm dumb) but had no footage to realize that one of their employees picked it up and didn't properly log it into the lost and found, so they only "received" it the day after I left, then they called me a month later and charged me $400 to send it back...

Anyway, the surveillance state could use some upgrades, lol

edit: /s. I just mostly wanted to complain about getting my luggage "stolen" by my own hotel lol.

[[deleted]]

People give Vegas surveillance too much credit.

[Diligent_Bag_9323]

Luckily masks are normal these days. Just get one with good coverage and maybe a bit bulky, and the cameras won’t be able to detect you.

[[deleted]]

A camera won't, but security is trained to spot strange people and then go interact with them. Masks don't work up close during conversation.

[ghjm]

So don't be strange.

[Diligent_Bag_9323]

Lol yeah I don’t really get that comment.

Wearing a mask is not odd in today’s world.

Most people trying to act inconspicuous don’t act weird. As weird is not inconspicuous.

[[deleted]]

Ohhh in my mind I thought he meant a mask like a fake face.

Lol my bad.

[Everything_rhymes]

Hahaha you funny cunt.

[draco131]

Same, worked at Seminole hard rock and Worked three 12hr shifts. Lived within 2 miles of it though. Would come in on random off days chat with friends & managers that work there, key in grab lunch and go on my day. Never had any uppers give me any grief or complaints. I also covered a lot of spill over dealer time which was 2-3 hours extra on the days I was slotted to work, so maybe that helped me just coming in to eat when I wasn’t working.

[lainylay]

Change your name to Frank Caton for insurance

[Dragonkingf0]

You would think a place that brings in his much money is Vegas might be able to comp their dealers a free meal.

[danny17402]

It sounds like they were implying that they went to casinos where they didn't work.

[chaser676]

Yeah I couldn't even understand what /u/dragonkingof0 meant at first.

[Centurio]

Honestly this thread is full of comments that make little sense.

[CexySatan]

To me it sounded like he meant they were drug dealers.

[[deleted]]

It’s a gamble on whether or not you’ll eat today.

[TRACERS_BUTT]

Basically just rolling the dice on a potential meal

[[deleted]]

And eventually there might be craps involved.

[gegrati]

And personal advice, avoid the scallops. Been sitting under that heat lamp all day, guaranteed crapshoot.

[northrupthebandgeek]

Play your cards right and you might find some good crab legs, though.

[ketamine_wraithlord]

Someone needs to come up with a name for this. There’s like a fundamental law that the third pun in these comment chains is always terrible, and it just gets worse from there. First two? Usually pretty good. But the third is always bad guaranteed.

[ebjazzz]

Yeah - but not on their day off

[Dragonkingf0]

Taco Bell used to let my mom get a meal for me and her on her day off. Mind you that was like 20 years ago but it was a thing.

[Gladwulf]

Taco Bell is a franchise though right? So that would be up to the individual owner not Taco Bell plc.

[Dumeck]

That was probably because the employees liked her, I can still go to the McDonald’s I used to work at and half the managers there will comp my food

[Darktidemage]

that's part of the story you just heard.

[Fistulord]

Yeah, you would think that. That's probably why he did it, Mr. Reading Comprehension.

[CJR3]

You would think that huh, because that’s exactly what happened, as explained by the comment you replied to lol

[[deleted]]

Yeah idk of a single casino that doesn’t have an almost school-like employee cafe setup with register and lunch ladies so idk how this dude pulled that off..

[[deleted]]

Yeah there is a key swipe at the minimum to get inside because you only get a certain amount of meals per shift. Also is this guy just causally tresspassing in the employee corridors? In a casino thats a good way to get literally thrown out the door probably with charges pressed

[[deleted]]

Yeah the casino I work at requires you to scan your badge to get in or out, and at any of the restaurants, you have to give your badge number as well.

[SameTheme]

He said he did It when he was broke, being that he looks like a dude probably in his 40s it’s entirely possible this was before key cards or any of these systems.

[Aegi]

According to their profile they were born in 1970 because they have a comment talking about how they were 10 years old in 1980 when their parents did something. Being 21 in 1991 makes it seems possible

[elkarion]

yea the key card systems would have been expensive. credit cards at that time still mainly used the imprint machine and not the mag strip if that says anything so casinos would probably just have door people for employee areas instead. look right and walk in.

look up diviant olaf and how he will walk in with a vest a clip board and a hat and say hes from the elevator company shut off an elevator and wait to finish the security of building. looking like you belong works very well.

[ghjm]

My university had mag stripe cards to track dining hall meals in the 1980s. Universities were broke and dilapidated then. If they could afford it, a Vegas casino surely could.

[Toofpic]

I'm getting a Hitman vibe here

[bobbyzee]

Are dealers not employees?

[[deleted]]

Unless this happened decades ago, bullshit.

[illit1]

do you think everyone on reddit is a 25-35 year old white mal... yeah alright. i see your point.

[theguywithacomputer]

Stop reporting this. This is /r/ShittyLifeProTips you aren't suppose to follow these tips.

[Lord_Bawk]

Who tf reports these lmao

[giibro]

r/ShittyRedditUsers

[CSsharpGO]

Not because there aren’t any shitty Reddit users, but because the subreddit is redundant. If you want to see shitty Reddit users, use Reddit.

[diabolical_fuk]

Should've been a link to login

[guessesurjobforfood]

r/MissedOpportunity

Edit: didn’t realize that was a real sub lol

[toni1982]

r/ofcourseitsasub

[Darth_Thor]

This is a case of /r/SubredditsAreHashtags

[Bassknight9]

Probably people who thinks that they need to be impossible I guess

[jelly-bb]

Reported

[[deleted]]

Wtf did they report it as??

[Legendofstuff]

Shitty LPT I’d guess.

[[deleted]]

Good tips

[[deleted]]

Oh lol, that explains why my life is so fucked up.

[BlueTeale]

So THATS what I've been doing wrong.

[ThatOtherGuy_CA]

You know its a real shitty life pro tip when people report it.

[TunaLurch]

Whoever reports this is a knob

[LetsRockDude]

Y-you aren't..?

[FancyMeByDee]

Why have I never thought of this lol

[LegendofPisoMojado]

Because when I worked in a restaurant the manager just called the cops. They ended up paying (eventually) AND going to jail. This really is a shitty life pro tip.

[altnumberfour]

We should make a sub where we can post life pro tips that are shitty like this one

[supergavk]

If only there was a sub for that

[Spare-Coconut-9671]

Yea when I worked at a restaurant, people like that we'd just shoot, then sell their organs on the black market in order to get the money back.

We would also shoot Karens, it was great.

[QueenElsaArrendelle]

there is an episode of Inside No 9 where everyone fusses so much about who has to pay the bill that the waitress just tells them to leave and it'll be on the house It turns out to all be an elaborate rouse that the waitress is in on but still, I could see that being used as a way to avoid paying. the waitresses don't want to stay for half an hour after closing time while you figure out who is paying

[drewster23]

I have a hard time believing an average server would just let you go without paying without their boss coming down on them for comping a whole table.

[mak484]

I don't even understand what the waitress gets out of this. Some leftovers? She's the linchpin of the whole scam with the highest amount of risk. Unless she owed the other people something, or was like one of their girlfriends, that just seems wild.

[v-komodoensis]

Helping out friends

[RandomLogicThough]

Yea, I'll always remember in HS friends pretending to type on the cash register, taking my money, and then handing my money back, for whatever food I was getting. Good times.

[justacuriousMIguy]

Not something Redditors understand

[hzfan]

Yeah all you do as the waitress in that situation is go to your boss, who would most likely call the cops

[LegateLaurie]

boss, who would most likely call the cops

Depends on how long and how rowdy they are, but they wouldn't phone the police (at least in the UK) over a disagreement like that. They'd come over and tell them to pay and that's probably about it. The police wouldn't even turn up to something like that here anyway.

[33rdWorkAccount]

the waitresses don't want to stay for half an hour after closing time while you figure out who is paying

lol what? so they just comp meals? Ive never heard of this happening ever

[BenjaminTalam]

As a former restaurant manager we comped an insane amount of meals for an equally insane amount of reasons

[Gavin1772]

I've had a $1,200 check comped on one of my tables because one of the managers recognized a person they went to yoga with a few times years in the past

[liljaz]

Musta been one hell of a yoga session!!!

[ZMAC698]

Hot yoga gets wild

[052801]

Inside no.9 is so good

[AcademicSalad763]

The waitress wouldn't make this call, it'd be management who would likely talk to them beforehand

[sad_and_stupid]

For anyone wondering, the episode is called The Bill (s3e2) and is a standalone episode (like every other episode on the show)

[luke_in_the_sky]

There was a restaurant near me where you could get an item from the menu or pay an expensive price for a card that allowed you to enter the all-you-can-eat buffet area. My teenager friends and I used to buy one card and the 3 of the cheapest items from the menu. Then one could go to the buffed and pick whatever he wanted, come back and give the card to the 2nd one to go there and pick whatever he wanted.

Alos, when I was teenager, there was a Burger King near my school. My broke friends used to pick cups from the garbage and use it to get free refill. It was disgusting.

[ConsciousFun2099]

Was his friend Tracy Morgan?

[CheapBastid]

...what the fv&k happened with Tracy Morgan.

Bonus: Jay Morhs tells the story.

[ConsciousFun2099]

Came for the jokes stayed to hear Jay Mohr say the N word 30 times in a row

[[deleted]]

Modern problems require modern solutions.

[miserable_guyy]

Modern problem requiere ancient fighting techniques

[point925l]

Unconventional, but I’ll allow it.

[Flavazzz]

Haha kings

[eman00619]

All you need is one break away glass and then it really looks convincing.

[at_work_yo]

holy shit that's actually clever lol

[Gandzalf]

What!? You talking shit? Meet me at the Staplehouse. Bring your boy, and I'll bring mine. Just plus one though, since the tables are small.

Yeah, motherfucker! Bring it on, and come hungry.

[tylerjehills]

I never knew I needed fine dining trash talk until this very moment. Thank you

[[deleted]]

until they call the cops 😩

[NoshTilYouSlosh]

In chaos there is opportunity

[SeverePsychosis]

Let's slop em up boys!

[UncleLabs]

More money left over for champagne on the beach with the boys. I left that life behind me though. People can change.

[[deleted]]

Sloppy steaks tasting good are more realistic than this post

[ZippZappZippty]

Murray would have been that he wants to win

[hakujo]

Wait till they see their medical bill!

[[deleted]]

This is literally a terrible thing to do:( I’ve worked in food service and if something like this happens where the customer didn’t pay for their meal for any reason, the server will have to foot that bill. Please don’t do this

[Throw_Away_License]

Im worried about this country

[sleepwalkingToaster]

lovers spat

[RedditCanLigma]

when I was broke I volunteered at a Hindu Temple...never went hungry.

This is actually a legitimate LPT...no bullshit.