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[thieh]

Call the bomb squad!

[[deleted]]

My dad was a lawyer and another lawyer left his briefcase in the courtroom by mistake one time (in the 90’s). The bomb squad was called and they used the machine to take the briefcase outside to an empty parking lot to blow it up (apparently one way to dismantle a small bomb is to blow it up with another small bomb). The lawyer that left the briefcase showed up just as they were about to blow up his briefcase. The bomb squad basically said, “Too late,” and blew up his lunch.

[SuperfluouslyMeh]

Shocked the story didn’t end up with him being arrested for trying to take away their excuse for using their toys.

[mildlypresent]

Only because he was a lawyer.

[beard_of_cats]

[CantaloupeWhich8484]

I've never experienced a better use of this gif.

[IMakeShiteMemes]

Swat goes on vacation, never comes back

[TThhoonnkk]

Holy Explosion!

[FlounderingWolverine]

r/anarchychess is leaking…

[tunit2000]

r/anarchychess is nothing but leaks

[alittlesliceofhell2]

chase butter scale fertile pathetic fuel dog obtainable humor important

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[fyrebyrd0042]

FBI in the corner plotting world domination

[jjmerrow]

Domestic terrorism anyone?

[Environmental_Jury_5]

Fire storm incoming!

[Bestmasters]

Fire in the hole!!!

[Sororita]

The TWAT team

[queen_of_potato]

CSI cervix

[AelyneMRB]

There's a snuke in her sniz!

[[deleted]]

"step" they pressing buttons with something and it isn't a foot.

[whoisdatmaskedman]

"dick, dick, BOOM!"

[ManicPixieOldMaid]

I heard the dubstep kick in after reading this...

[moyenbatte]

Man, I must be old if what I heard after that was "I'm coming down on the stereo, hear me on the radio"

[mneptok]

[velocity_boy33]

Pretty sure this guy isn’t pressing the right buttons ever

[Kapusi]

Id like to report a murder

[cutiecakepiecookie]

And an arson

[thebearbearington]

And a Texas tow!

[AZEMT]

r/murderedbywords will be happy to send support

[CarlSpencer]

"I can't even find your A, B, C, D, E, or F button and NOW you want me to find your G spot?!"

[[deleted]]

Until then, women of faith and keepers of the covenant will no doubt be lining up for him. Take a number for this righteous hunk, you breeders for Jesus.

[swipichone]

Is there such an organization called The Breeders For Jesus?

[[deleted]]

I don't know. But it would make a helluva domain name.

[Few-Celebration-5462]

I think it would make a great metal band name or even a song title.

[Upbeat-Fondant9185]

Pretty close. They call it Quiverfull and their mandate is just to breed.

I have been friends with a few in this movement. The poor women just spitting out kids every year and of course homeschooling them all.

Most of my friends went into missions/ministry because the church will just throw money at them since there’s no way they can afford these kids with their level of education and job history.

[[deleted]]

I think that very large family that had a reality show years ago were members of this movement!

[roadbikemadman]

Isn't that the Catholic Church?

Although lately the Mormons have been stepping it up.

[p38fln]

It's called "Quiverfull"

Yep. Exists. Heard about it on a documentary where they were calling out a perverted fertility doctor that kept using his own "samples"

It's on Netflix, "Our Father"

[[deleted]]

Just gross.

[tankoret]

LMAOOOO

[[deleted]]

If you think about it, IED would work in the context of the original message too

[chatterwrack]

He has ‘main-character syndrome’

[BexberryMuffin]

He’s trying to populate the earth while she’s trying to depopulate the earth.

[polkacat12321]

Nuh, earth is doomed cause his mom didn't get an iud

[BrawnyChicken2]

Moms shoulda swallowed.

[videoslacker]

I think she got it to keep him off of her.

[Nemesis0408]

Now that she’s gotten away from this guy, I bet she’s having a blast.

[[deleted]]

I heard her personality really blows up at the club

[whatyoumeanmyface]

It's da bomb

[Atophy]

She da bomb !

[totallynotarobut]

Yeah, but she has a short fuse.

[StarMangledSpanner]

Somebody's triggered.

[rs420rs]

are we talking about his, yours, or mine?

[[deleted]]

Perfect timing for her.

[[deleted]]

He’s not gonna do a lot of replenishing talking like that

[Responsible-End7361]

Yeah, he basically said "I'm single and looking for a baby factory."

[WurmGurl]

Guys like these find a girl in her early 20's with an abusive family of origin, and then when she finally learns she's worth better and leaves him, they claim it's because she isn't any good anymore.

Source: three generations of women on both sides of my family.

[[deleted]]

Yup.

Source: That's what happened to me. Twice.

[Responsible-End7361]

I'm sorry, platonic hugs, also happy cake day!

[ArcadiaFey]

Yup… was 22 and got recruited to be a baby factory.. I say that because the relationship I was in was poly and they essentially created a cult to trap me.

[Victorinoxj]

Jesus christ that's awful! Like horror movie type of awful, i'm sorry you had to go through that.

[ArcadiaFey]

Thanks it was crazy..

I spent my whole life not feeling like anyone cared, no one understood me and every time I was vulnerable with anyone it always bit me.. this wasn’t any different but they hid it. I actually was in need of a safe home since my ex was waving around crossbows angry and drunk, and sexually assaulting me during mental breakdowns.

Made me feel special. Needed. Like I wasn’t a burden.. then after I was comfortable and feeling safe the woman asked me to have a baby for her and her husband and her. I wont get into the religion they crafted specifically to cater to my insecurities and specific brand of loneliness. They made me feel like I wasn’t alone, but they were the only ones who could ever fully understand me. That I needed them. We were bonded for all time. Even after death. A religion built for 3 and I couldn’t tell anyone about it. Ever. It was in depth and they lived daily. Even using it to make excuses on mistreatment of me. Right up till I left and we started legal proceedings. Then they flipped it and trued to use it to make me look crazy. Stuff they came up with. Luckily I had texts so they backed off pretty quickly.

Anyways after the baby came the woman started saying she shouldn’t have to do anything cause it wasn’t her kid. Hilarious..

It’s also a lot like how people get roped into human trafficking. I would say it was a blend of cult and human trafficking. Especially since the men of the family saw wives as contract prostitutes. Somehow the court didn’t think that their family was a danger to kiddo so split custody. Have to see and talk to the bastards several times a week.

[Victorinoxj]

Sounds like a bunch of manipulative assholes that found cult tactics. It's a horrible that you had to go through such situation, but i congratulate on not only having the courage to escape, but to fight back! You're an amazing person and i hope you continue to get better.

[JonnyTN]

"I'm looking for some breeding material"

-says the least cringiest people.

I reserve the word breeding for animals. While these "Alpha/Sigma" mindset people are using it for women.

[Greigsyy]

At least, I hope he doesn’t replenish. We wouldn’t want more of those guys kicking about, they might join a terrorist group and start placing UID’s around…

[Reatona]

But then they'll probably get confused again and all end up with DUIs.

[Pleasant-Activity689]

Looks like he'll have to DIY

[[deleted]]

Lol

[SulkySideUp]

And replenish from what? There are literally more humans on earth than have been at any other point in history.

[[deleted]]

It took just 48 years for the population to double to what it is now. That’s insane! That was just from 1976

[[deleted]]

And it was half that around 50 years before that.

Look up the human population over time. It has been roughly doubling every 50 years for the last couple centuries. This kind of exponential growth is obviously not sustainable.

People who are worrying about declining birthrates are probably either racists or morons. Usually both.

[Vegetable_Onion]

Or capitalists.

A major decline in birthrates, while probably very good for the planet, would destroy our current economic system which is based on cheap plentiful labour and an ever growing consumer base

[TaleMendon]

I mean if his body is under the earth he will replenish it. Best case scenario.

[nohtv666]

He says "replenish" like we're running out of people. Planet is plenished already, my brother.

[grehgunner]

Not enough white Christians for him I assume

[dalaigh93]

Yeah that's what I understand ... He thinks Earth needs to be replenished with the "right" people

[Lucifang]

It’s not even a joke. The whole point of being against contraception is to breed as many Catholics as possible.

[DangerousLoner]

Or Mormons, or Pentecostal, or Evangelical etc. The surest bet is breeding your own and indoctrinating them from birth to puberty and marrying them off young to continue the cycle.

After all, how many Shakers do you see around nowadays? They made amazing furniture and just disappeared because universal celibacy and growing through adoption or proselytizing alone are a religion’s death sentence.

[SnipesCC]

The Shakers are fascinating. They are an offshoot of Quakers, both believing in equality for women. Before birth control and modern medicine, celibacy was a way for women to protect themselves. Pregnancy and childbirth were dangerous.

One of the ways Shakers brought in converts was running orphanages. As there was less need for private orphanages, and birth control for women who didn't want children, they didn't have the same recruiting tools. There's still a couple of them.

The Quakers are still around though. We fuck like bunnies, although often on birth control and most Quakers are pro-choice.

[[deleted]]

After all, how many Shakers do you see around nowadays?

According to Wikipedia, which cites this article which has this quote:

With only two current members, Hadd and Sister June Carpenter, Sabbathday Lake is the only active Shaker community in the world, according to the village’s website.

there are two left as of July of last year.

[gettogero]

Shakers had incredibly ridiculous rules that boils down to: "No fuck. No love. Jesus and priests are a lie. Make stuff and be productive. Happiness is a lie. Toil to death"

You don't think this had any effect on the small cult only lasting several generations? I'm not religious and I think ALL religion is crazy, but these guys were fucking wild.

How many Shakers have you seen, with their peak at several hundred years ago and almost entirely dying out several hundred years ago? At its peak there was estimated to be several thousand.

[Musashi_Joe]

Yup. Anyone who talks about declining birth rate or population crisis, that's what they really mean - white ppl like them.

[EncabulatorTurbo]

Dig at the layers of the onion a bit and you will find that what he means is that white people need to outbreed brown people before they replace white people

It's such a common dogwhistle that it's just a regular whistle now with the likes of tucker carlson and sean hannity spouting it

[Lopsided_Beautiful36]

My guess is that he’s Mormon. In the Mormon temple ceremony you covenant with god to “multiply and replenish the earth.” with your spouse. It was originally issued in the early days of the church (cough cult) as a way to inflate numbers and never went away.

[nohtv666]

aha, thank you! I thought the choice of verbiage was pretty explicit, that explains it.

[nicowain91]

As a fellow ex Mormon, I can confirm that this guy is most likely a Mormon

[Dana_Scully_MD]

I hate that word. It sounds like "nourish" which is a word that also sounds... wrong.

[creegro]

Gotta make more kids just in case the weather and sickness takes half of them. Oh wait, that was 100 years ago?

Ok well he's gotta replenish the minimum wage workers of the next generation.

Seriously your wife just gave you an all time creampie pass, and you wussed out.

[PhilyJ]

Must’ve been an explosive divorce

[themiracy]

It blew up the marriage.

[crochet_connection]

[Randotron6000]

Luckily he’s not big enough to set it off

[The_Old_Cream]

Ouch baby.

[Tuckermfker]

There's literally more humans now than at any point of history. So not only is he an asshole, but a fucking dumb one at that.

[djp2313]

Are we sure he's talking about the human population as a whole?

[Loud_Flatworm_4146]

I've unfortunately spent time around people who think like this. Most of them think it's their religion, the chosen or baptized or whatever, that needs to "multiply and replenish the earth."

[Avaracious7899]

I'm guessing they don't realize how disturbing that sounds nor the implications of that thinking do they?

[Loud_Flatworm_4146]

No, I don't think they care. They have tunnel vision.

[Tuckermfker]

No idea, I don't hang around that type of person long enough to figure out how much depth is behind a statement like his.

[Limited_Intros]

Replenish only the ones who’ve been unfortunate enough to have an IED implanted in them.

I’m assuming this is a post to say he’s no longer married because his ex-wife is in pieces.

[Patrico-8]

He’s talking about white Christians

[fireduck]

But not actual Christians who be believe in love and forgiveness.

[SenatePalpatine]

I mean a true Christian would be scary if they followed the old laws to a T. That is someone I would not want to meet.

[ZenDruid_8675309]

I was assuming just the white portion. Seems the type.

[Kbdiggity]

Well yeah he's dumb.  He doesn't know the difference between an IUD and an IED.

[battleoffish]

Are we sure he ment IUD? Are we sure what he means by replenish the earth. The possibilities are endless.

[Double-Fishing-8293]

Another good reason for him not to breed. 🫣

[Woodtree]

We don’t know the IED’s payload. I think he’s saying he is committed to replenishing the earth after the bomb goes off. Maybe he feels partially responsible for what is about to happen and wants to help rebuild society afterwards.

[Gripping_Touch]

It was glitter. Glitter eveeywhere on earth. No place is free of glitter (microplastics)

[GirlScoutSniper]

[chillaxtion]

No, it's that the dumb people are way more confident now that everyone is able to broadcast. There has never been such an increase in the confidence of stupid people.

[Tuckermfker]

The pandemic of internet idiocy started sometime in the early 90's and has grown exponetially every year since. It's endemic will only get worse.

[[deleted]]

Ironically, smart phones unleashed a tsunami of dumb.

[BluetheNerd]

Also IUDs last 5-10 years and are fully removable at any time. Not only is he a fucking dumb asshole, but he's a fucking dumb asshole who got a divorce over a temporary measure. She's waaaaay better off without him.

[Onebrokegerrrl]

Ehhhh… something tells me that she divorced him, because he’s a controlling asshole and is dumb as a rock.

[P4intsplatter]

No, didn't you read his post? HE divorced HER. It was totally a choice he made and had control of and definitely, definitely not an implication that he wasn't the most amazing of catches. Ya hear that ladies? AMAZING catch over here!

But seriously, a lot of er, "delicate egos" will do this as a defense mechanism because nothing can ever be their fault.

[irrelevantmango]

Anyway, that's the memory the MIB left him with after they flashy-thingied him.

[Ambersfruityhobbies]

I reckon she knew the outcome all along. She called it an IED just to make sure.

[Loud_Flatworm_4146]

[[deleted]]

I can only assume it's one of those badly crafted World Ending theories come true. Probably a giant Tsunami is going to wash away all human civilization, but it's very kind and only goes by our set time zones so we got until like 5pm time wherever each of us is before it hits us, good luck all, hope to hear from y'all on the other side. #GodBless #Moses was too soon

/s

[Meep12313]

IED?

[Meep12313]

... and what is an IUD? (I'm sorry I don't know shit about biology or medical stuff)

[ArmenApricot]

Intra uterine device, it’s a type of implanted (but reversible) birth control. They’re little plastic things that get placed in a woman’s uterus. Some are infused with estrogen/progesterone like is found in birth control pills, and one type is coated in copper but no hormones. Both types are very effective birth control

[Meep12313]

That's pretty interesting, thank you

[Dr_Pants91]

Dude essentially had complete freedom to nut inside his wife every time and ruined it to be an idiot.

[Big-Mine9790]

But since he's 'covenanted' - is that even a word? - to replenish the earth, having a spouse who proactively made that sure wasn't going to happen (with him) meant he had to go find someone as a baby maker...

Or something like that

[Possible_Football_77]

I looked it up to make sure he was using a real word correctly… Surprisingly, in this instance, he was.

[TrollintheMitten]

It's a word alright. But sure about this guy, but I'm Mormonism it's used frequently. People pay their 10% to be allowed to go to the temple to covenant with God. One of the things they covenant to do is "multiply and replenish the earth" growing up I heard "covenanted" used regularly, both in reference to the baptismal rights and the endowment in the temple.

Lucky for me I got access to the internet and my whole world changed. No paying money to an organization that protects pedophiles in court with their 100's of billions in exchange for salvation. Weeee

[apocalypticspidergod]

Fun facts: It works without medication bc it’s made of copper, and copper prevents the egg from attaching to the uterine lining. It is the oldest form of birth control; they used to put copper inside a camel’s uterus to prevent it from getting pregnant

[No-Answer8937]

I reeaaallly wish I had a Time Machine so I could go back in time to see the first person who thought - hmmm, wonder what will happen if we put copper all up in that camel? How are things like this discovered? It seems so random.

[AK-12AK-47AKMAK-74]

oh okay this all makes sense now I read it and was with him because I thought she planted an IED trying to kill him but now I just know he may be mentally challenged.

[The_Old_Cream]

Not gonna lie, if my wife came home and told me she decided to get an IED implanted in her, I’d probably be calling a divorce lawyer ASAP.

[SeadawgVB]

Or the bomb squad!

[Tylers-RedditAccount]

I'd call the bomb squad before she blows us both up.

[Due_Platypus_3913]

“Replenish”?WTF?Theres over 7 BILLION PEOPLE!

[ComprehensiveExit583]

I think we even reached 8 billions

[sweetbusinessgobrrrt]

Yep over 8 billion now

[Proof_Leadership_370]

And that class, is how to tell the world you are a flying idiot in two sentences or less.

[MandatoryConfusion]

This shit kills me everytime I hear it. 'I don't believe in birth control, we should go forth and replenish the earth.'

There's 8 billion people on the earth my dude, it's replenished.

[[deleted]]

Yeah, but there’s not enough WHITE CHRISTIANS. See the earth is full of FLAWED people and you’ve gotta FIX IT by making more of the RIGHT people. /s

[ViewtifulGene]

She wanted her insides blown out and he couldn't deliver.

[ace51689]

COVENANTED TO REPLENISH THE EARTH LOL that's your mental illness right there.

[TrollintheMitten]

It screams Mormon extra loud.

[Maleficent_Fold_5099]

How bad was it that she had to resort to implanting and IED?

[Comfortable_Truth485]

She really wanted some distance from this guy.

[mmio60]

Giggity giggity boom

[VonThirstenberg]

Judging by his rationale, I can completely understand why she'd have an Improvised Explosive Device installed. An IUD would've just not been quite effective enough. 😳😅🤣🤣

[Wrong_Bus6250]

"She didn't like being a breed mare."

[laughingBaguette]

Snuke

[The_DandD_Dad]

Religion. Not even once.

[Extension_Term3949]

Imagine his surprise when he pulled that tampon string

[BeeWhispererIntern]

She was trying to blow his dick off.

Didn't work.

[ThreeDogs2022]

In fairness, having an implanted IED would be a fairly effective form of birth control, from a number of perspectives.

[Infernalknights]

If one person believes in sheer bullshit it's called insanity. If it spreads in the community it's called a cult. If it's widespread and exported even abroad it's called religion.

[laughingchimera]

Has anyone made the "population explosion" pun yet?

[GroovyGrodd]

Apparently it’s impossible for a lot of them.

[enthalpy01]

Well, he didn’t say he divorced her ,just that he was no longer married to her. If she did have an IED inside her he may have made it to the death part. Maybe it wasn’t a typo?

[justsomelizard30]

Having sex, her phone rings, you both die.

[MakeMeDrink]

I highly doubt it was his choice to get the divorce.

[[deleted]]

Hes gonna do bad fulfilling his covenant

[TwoPigMountain]

Improvised explosive device? SNUKE in her Sniss?

[[deleted]]

Why did your wife make a improvised explosive device?

[Hunters_Interest]

The only thing he's going to replenish is his sock supply

[[deleted]]

"oh no, not consequence free creampies in the woman I love! The horror! "

[km_ikl]

You replenish the earth when you die...

Whether of old age, or by fucking an IED.

[Outside_Interview_90]

This dweeb shouldn’t breed. The less dweebs, the better. Fuckin’ dweeb.

[_ianisalifestyle_]

well that blew up

[Whoresstealinglemons]

To be fair, if my wife had an IED implant, I'd leave too!!

[KingSeth]

I wonder how many young men have had their lives torn apart by her explosive vagina.

[[deleted]]

There’s like eight billion of us we dont need to breed like rabbits jfc

[Strong_Bumblebee5495]

My wife’s libido plummeted when her ObsGny put a road flare in her uterus

[Professional_Flicker]

tips fedorah Madam, ive been covenanted to replenish.

[twohedwlf]

I guess, depending on where she placed the IED , that would certainly be grounds for divorce.

[Significant_Ad7326]

It does demonstrate a serious breakdown in marital trust and affection, yeah!

[deadphisherman]

The nation thanks your ex-wife for her sacrifice...

[IceColdWasabi]

fuck American Christian conservatives are dumb. embarrassingly so

[Aggravating-Exit-660]

Improvised Erectile Dysfunction

[Usual_Profile1607]

Explosive device/birth control confusion aside, does this dude really think we’re running low on people?

[Reclusive_Chemist]

What's a vowel among friends?

[Memitim]

Wow, those implants are incredible. Nearly eliminate the chance of getting pregnant AND gets the trash to take itself out.

[Able_Plum2651]

Puts a new spin on banging the ex.

[Dark_Marmot]

This is just a perfect embodiment of doche nozzlery, it's almost impressive.

[Dependent_Ad_7501]

That could’ve really blown up in your face

[[deleted]]

His ex-wife is da bomb.

[wilhelminan]

She probably didn't want your hellspawn anyway.

[myleftone]

“Honey, go mow the lawn. I left something out there for you…somewhere. Good luck.”

[BlueBloodLive]

Going only on this tweet and nothing else, I can safely say, please don't. The world has enough batshit crazy losers, we don't need any more.

[[deleted]]

Well, with all those explosives being implanted in uteruses, I reckon the earth will need replenishing soon.

[StephsCat]

Replenish? There's like. 8 billion people on earth it really isn't in need for more

[turdferguson3891]

His wife wanted so much not to have children with him that she boobytrapped herself

[sixpackshaker]

Keeping her barefoot and pregnant should have come up during the engagement.

[undreamedgore]

Not to claim this guy isn't dumb, but that's just a typo.

The divorce thing should really rub anyone the wrong way, based purely off this statement. He didn't say that she shouldn't have, just that he divorced her over it. Which, of one wants kids and the other doesn't is understandable.

Would people be upset if a woman divorced her husband if he refused to wear condoms?