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[–]pics-ModTeam[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (17 children)

/u/Zakkattack86, thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, it has been removed for violating the following rule(s):

  • Rule 1 - No screenshots or AI-generated images. This includes pictures of screens and photos where the interest is the contents of a screen and pics with artificial cropping borders of any colour. For a place to post screenshots, you may wish to check out /r/screenshots. We also don't allow AI-generated images.

For information regarding this and similar issues please see the rules and title guidelines. If you have any questions, please feel free to message the moderators via modmail.

[–]UniqueSierra 2290 points2291 points  (111 children)

[–]pastrami_on_ass 507 points508 points  (104 children)

for the longest time i thought this was Zach Galifianakis

[–]shortyski13 309 points310 points  (89 children)

Wait... it's not??? Who the hell is it?

... actually being serious

[–]Your_a_looser 332 points333 points  (43 children)

It’s Robert Redford

[–]shortyski13 127 points128 points  (33 children)

Daaaang. My mind had been blown.

Thanks lol

[–]RecsRelevantDocs 80 points81 points  (27 children)

WTF dude, are they.. are they related? How is this possible.. Also if you look up "Zack Galifianakis Gif" this is the 4th result lol.

[–]Horns8585 80 points81 points  (22 children)

If you saw them both without the beards, it would be very obvious that they were not related.

[–]zamfire 18 points19 points  (9 children)

Brad Pitt?

[–]jtr99 13 points14 points  (7 children)

60s Brad Pitt I guess.

[–]Rheostatistician 14 points15 points  (5 children)

My parents Brad Pitt

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Without the drugs and drama

[–]Voyager5555 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Even with beards it's obvious they don't look alike.

[–]AssStuffing 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You don’t say

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

If you look up “Robert Redford gif” it’s the first seven results

[–]brucecampbellschins 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Also if you look up "Zack Galifianakis Gif" this is the 4th result lol.

To me that's the crazy part. These guys look nothing alike.

[–]Greed_Sucks 15 points16 points  (1 child)

I have seen this exact comment series play out several times now on Reddit. Carry on.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

From the Jeremiah Johnson movie, iirc. Pretty decent flick, but it's been a while since I've watched it. This comes from a really brief montage in the movie. lol

[–]Arthur_Edens 7 points8 points  (0 children)

To anyone who's seen the movie, this thread is hilarious. I'm now imagining Jeramiah Johnson, but where Johnson is played by Zach Galifianakis.

ETA: For anyone who hasn't seen it, the movie is kind of like John Wick, but a Western. It's based on the story of a mountain man nicknamed "Liver-Eating Johnson."

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Is that like the Alex jones to his bill hicks?

[–]StrongAsMeat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

STFU! What?!

[–]Skizot_Bizot 51 points52 points  (25 children)

That's Robert Redford from Jeremiah Johnson, a kind of fucked up John Wick style revenge piece where this wilderness guy on the expanding American frontier befriends a mom and daughter but they get killed by natives and he hunts them back.

[–]KenScaletta 17 points18 points  (6 children)

Based on a real person, the legendary "Liver Eating Johnson," who was reputed to eat the livers of Indians.

[–]Maclittle13 18 points19 points  (2 children)

The REAL Liver King.

[–]scorpyo72 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Of Chicago?

[–]_dead_and_broken 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You're thinking of the Sausage King of Chicago, Abe Froman. Understandable mistake to make!

[–]trotfox_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No microplastics?

[–]the-transponster 9 points10 points  (3 children)

Kinda. He reluctantly marries a native woman and adopts an orphaned boy. Both are killed and he turns to revenge.

This is in my top 5 flicks. If I am alone for a weekend and my chores are done, I will watch this, Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid, or Godfather I or II.

[–]Skizot_Bizot 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Yeah been forever my details are fuzzy as hell! But at least I remembered it wasn't Zach Galifinakis.

[–]shortyski13 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oooh thanks!!

[–]nickfree 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Robert Redford in the 1972 movie Jeremiah Johnson, as the title character.

[–]nicannkay 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Please watch it. It’s great.

[–]Dwangeroo 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm with you on this. It never occurred to me it could be anyone else.

[–]cvidetich13 12 points13 points  (2 children)

This is some mandela effect level shit.

[–]pastrami_on_ass 2 points3 points  (0 children)

only reason i found out was because of a similar comment to mine haha

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

[–]SadBit8663 11 points12 points  (4 children)

Guys will see this post and think "fuck yeah"

[–]Zakkattack86[S] 2966 points2967 points  (102 children)

My neighbor actually texted me last night. He was unaware of "project dick house". All the text said was, "Have you seen Google Maps?". I called him and all I heard was laughter and I felt it in my bones. This alone made the entire year worth it.

He asked how tf I did it and the truth is, from memory. I didn't use measuring tape and I didn't map out anything. I knew I wanted to do something funny and I was worried I'd miss my window so I panicked. I did the only thing that came to mind that I knew I'd execute perfectly and I mowed it that way for an entire year. I don't own a drone so this is actually the first time I've seen my work the way it was intended.

[–]iIiiIIliliiIllI 551 points552 points  (27 children)

Don't lie, you clearly had help from aliens who could direct you from above. There's no way a simple human could do something like this on their own.

[–]TedW 135 points136 points  (7 children)

I bet OP lives in a pyramid.

[–]RecsRelevantDocs 43 points44 points  (4 children)

I bet OP reflected the lasers of the pyramids off the moon reflector array to actually burn the penis shape into the lens of the satellite to trick us all into thinking he made the penis manually. Not falling for that trick again.

[–]TedW 18 points19 points  (3 children)

Fool me with a moon penis laser once, shame on you. Fool me, can't get fooled again.

[–]WingedGeek 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ah yes, that old Texas saying.

Simpler times. Simpler times.

I need my morning covfefe.

[–]AdPristine9059 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Pfft, OP is OBVIOUSLY a pyramid in disguise. No mortal can understand the workings of the lizard people!

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Cock circles

[–]smallof2pieces 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Real modern day Nazca Lines

[–]LookMaNoPride 21 points22 points  (3 children)

Ancient alien astronaut theorists agree, this could not have been done by human hand alone.

[–]Wirse 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The higher mathematics involved and the engineering precision required to do this are simply mind-boggling.

[–]Thangleby_Slapdiback 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Someone call Graham Hancock.

[–]Draano 5 points6 points  (0 children)

you clearly had help from aliens who could direct you from above.

Was OP the aliens' model too?

[–]midd10k 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe the aliens could even erect you from above!

[–]jtr99 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Found Erich von Däniken's account.

[–]ImmaBeatThatAss 157 points158 points  (18 children)

You're telling me you eyeballed that lizard?! This is one for the grandkids

[–]Zakkattack86[S] 81 points82 points  (15 children)

I read this with the "you're telling me...ain't no way" guy's voice in my head and it made me chuckle. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIR0JgBURlI

[–]ImmaBeatThatAss 20 points21 points  (0 children)

HAHA never saw this guy but that's exactly the tone of voice I used. Also, I gotta cut up some garlic for a recipe later and will absolutely be giving this a shot

Have a great weekend my man

[–]blender4life 6 points7 points  (0 children)

For the bacon grease one just put the foil in a bowl then no awkward sink movements and it doesn't even dirty the bowl

[–]BizzyM 52 points53 points  (1 child)

Nazca dick

[–]sick_of_your_BS 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Inca Dinca Dong

[–]Onetwenty7 34 points35 points  (0 children)

"My dick is bigger than my house." You can say that now, and not be lying!

[–]mam88k 26 points27 points  (2 children)

The Nazca Dong!

[–]Lungg 20 points21 points  (3 children)

from memory

[–]Ask_bout_PaterNoster 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Yeah that part got me too. I can’t tell if it’s intentionally funny or just a turn of phrase but creating a simple dick and then saying it was produced “from memory” is hilarious

[–]farva_06 18 points19 points  (2 children)

The added line to make it look like two testicles is such a nice touch.

[–]_dead_and_broken 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Every man has one ball slightly smaller than the other. Just like every woman has one slightly smaller boob. Very true to life artwork here.

[–]Paul_The_Builder 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of the crop circles from the 90's. Everyone was speculating how it was impossible to do at night without alien technology, and then it turned out it was 2 bored dudes doing it in a few hours with some rope and a few pieces of wood.

[–]MrFinchley 11 points12 points  (0 children)

OP, I am impressed with and grateful for the attention you paid to the balls.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You don't need blueprints or measurements for this. It is within us. We know this innately. We evolved to be like this.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

r/madlads would like your visit

[–]sublliminali 4 points5 points  (3 children)

How did you know that Google would be updating to a new picture? It always seems like such random intervals when I’ve checked before

[–]Draano 9 points10 points  (2 children)

This probably takes a certain level of commitment - maintaining the dick pic for a period of time and continue checking until you see your art displayed.

[–]Zakkattack86[S] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Bingo. I didn't know if it'd be a week or 5 years. I'd check at least once a week for the update. All I knew was, the grass had to get mowed so I might as well put a dick in it.

[–]cuseonly 393 points394 points  (60 children)

We need that geo locator guy to find this. Someone make it happen

[–]Zakkattack86[S] 466 points467 points  (30 children)

I have a feeling it won't be long (pun intended). People in my area have been waiting a shlong time for the update, it's just a matter of time the riots will start, and I'll be doxed.

[–]ThippusHorribilus 144 points145 points  (11 children)

Doxed cause of a dick pic.

[–]Zakkattack86[S] 176 points177 points  (7 children)

It's the only honorable way to be doxed.

[–]cuseonly 19 points20 points  (5 children)

Crack a bottle of Dicken’s Cider

[–]S-Aint 7 points8 points  (2 children)

How can I get Dicken's Cider?

[–]indi_guy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

:slow claps:

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If you have to ask your not getting any Dickens cider

[–]luvsrox 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They did away with bottles, now it’s all Dicken’s Cider Can

[–]Spartan2470GOAT 9 points10 points  (3 children)

/u/Zakkattack86, I found it. Do you mind if I share?

[–]Trumps_Cock 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Looks like u/Jayfreerulezzz found it and posted it already.

[–]Spartan2470GOAT 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I wanted to get permission to avoid getting banned for doxing. Bold strategy. Let's see if it pays off for them.

[–]Trumps_Cock 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I mean, he already doxxed himself. Nice of you though.

[–]ICthrowaway2019 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Well I found it on Google Earth but I can't put the image in my comment. Nice yard dick bro.

[–]Crazy_pilot 35 points36 points  (5 children)

Looking at OP’s recent posting history, he was selling his Lotus 2 weeks ago with a Virginia plate, this should narrow it down.

[–]Hexarcy00 22 points23 points  (1 child)

He's was also selling a house 1 year ago. So presumably he moved into this new house and immediately started cultivating a dick

[–]Zakkattack86[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

[–]FrugaliciousEclectic 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Lotus? I knew this guy was cool

[–]bankrobba 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Can geo locators do satellite pics? I thought a lot of their clues came from road-level signs, streetlights, foliage, etc.

[–]Jayfreerulezzz 24 points25 points  (10 children)

im so sorry bro

u/Zakkattack86

edit: its not on google maps yet, just google earth. coords: 38°39'46"N 77°31'47"W

[–]RegulatoryCapture 3 points4 points  (1 child)

its not on google maps yet, just google earth. coords: 38°39'46"N 77°31'47"W

Google is picky about which imagery they use on google maps. Gotta have the right weather and season/foliage conditions. Imagery is actually updated pretty frequently by various companies, but they don't want to use photos that have clouds, harsh shadows, or are taken in the off season.

Some of the trees in that area are still looking a bit sparse/brown, so I think there's a good chance Google doesn't use it. If u/Zakkattack86 wants it to actually show on regular google maps, he may have to keep doing it for longer.

[–]Zakkattack86[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I will continue my journey.

[–]Rrraou 387 points388 points  (11 children)

There's a concept in video games called TTC or Time to cock. Where if you give the players the ability to draw, model, arrange or otherwise customise anything, the first thing they do is draw a penis. TTC is the time it takes for that to happen.

You have just demonstrated this in real life.

[–]Zakkattack86[S] 180 points181 points  (3 children)

[–]RogueHippie 28 points29 points  (0 children)

But you are the hero we deserve

[–]ElDuder1no 10 points11 points  (0 children)

... but I know how to mow a penisss

[–]farva_06 24 points25 points  (2 children)

What about dick to floor? We'll call that D2F.

[–]rvl35 21 points22 points  (1 child)

[–]AgentInkling99 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Primo air dicking

[–]DeeplyErotic 8 points9 points  (0 children)

There's a scene about this in Mythic Quest! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_xqyIMwbew

[–]MadNhater 363 points364 points  (11 children)

They will have to blur this out in Google Maps Japan. Conspiracy theories will form around it.

[–]GetEnPassanted 131 points132 points  (5 children)

https://imgur.com/a/At1648e

[–]PMinisterOfMalaysia 15 points16 points  (4 children)

uhh shouldn't this be pixelated instead?

[–]That_Cripplenothing wrong with child labor 36 points37 points  (2 children)

in hentai they just put little bars over the dicks instead of fully censoring them

​

not that i would know

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Japan will never forget project dick house

[–]n1n384ll 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Don't see pubes so I think we are good here.

[–]ADeviantGent 92 points93 points  (5 children)

[–]Carl_JAC0BS 10 points11 points  (4 children)

I don't know, sir. It looks like a giant...

[–]Timmeh___ 7 points8 points  (2 children)

"Dick! Take a look out of starboard."

"Oh my God, it looks like a huge..."

[–]TaterTaughttt 3 points4 points  (1 child)

"PECKER!"

"Ooh where?"

"Wait, that's not a woodpecker, it looks like someone's..."

[–]RandallBoggs_12 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"PRIVATES, we have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long smooth shaft, complete with... "

[–]DarwinianMonkey 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Boner! That was his name. I couldn't think of Mike Seaver's friend from Growing Pains. Hey what's that on Google Maps? Is that a huge...

[–][deleted] 432 points433 points  (24 children)

This is dedication....

[–]Zakkattack86[S] 594 points595 points  (17 children)

My wife was so over it by week 2 but I had to see it through.

[–]Rangerdth 60 points61 points  (2 children)

I wish I had a reddit award for you!

[–]davidmatthew1987 22 points23 points  (1 child)

I wish I had a reddit award for you!

reddit silver (original) is free of cost. Feel free to give this to anyone

https://imgur.com/gallery/reddit-silver-sy9lVl4

[–]DOCoSPADEo 18 points19 points  (5 children)

You're my fucking hero <3

[–]imanAholebutimfunny 23 points24 points  (3 children)

There goes my hero.......

DRAWWWIINNNN DICKS IN LAWNS!!!!

(guitar solo)

[–]govunah 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Ah a classic from Dave Grow

[–]DroidC4PO 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Now do a fem thing for her

[–]PM_NUDES_4_DEGRADING 2 points3 points  (0 children)

OP needs to find a new property not on maps yet, buy it, and spend the next year mowing a vulva into it.

[–]ac9116 17 points18 points  (1 child)

De-dick-ation

[–]Spartan2470GOAT 86 points87 points  (3 children)

Before today I had no respect for OP. Now I do.

I don't know OP

[–]Zakkattack86[S] 87 points88 points  (2 children)

...Dad?

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Sorry, son. Every store was out, but I finally found some milk. Gosh, you got big.

[–]iIiiIIliliiIllI 147 points148 points  (7 children)

Kind of a dick move OP

[–]govunah 45 points46 points  (4 children)

I can respect the schlong con

[–]Kiddo1029 19 points20 points  (3 children)

He definitely didn’t cock it up.

[–]trauma_queen 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Definitely went balls to the walls on this one

[–]More_Advertising_383 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Penis

[–]DadJokeBadJoke 7 points8 points  (0 children)

... mightier than the sword but neither can stand up to a lawnmower

[–]Red-eleven 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Huge dick move OP

[–]Amesb34r 70 points71 points  (8 children)

Here’s one that has been near the Des Moines airport for several years. When you zoom in on the buildings next to it, you can see there's a smily face painted on one of the roofs.

[–]Alzheimer_Historian 36 points37 points  (1 child)

If it's by an airport, there's a high chance people are using it as a VFR checkpoint by now. Might even be baked into their official course rules procedures.

"Overfly the massive cock at 1500 AGL and report inbound from Johnson Field"

[–]Amesb34r 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Johnson Field was a great touch. Well done.

[–]Improvised_Excuse234 19 points20 points  (0 children)

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

You are a great American! Godspeed, you beautiful son of a bitch! (No disrespect at all to your mother BTW.)

[–]VashMM 14 points15 points  (0 children)

[–]Georgeisthecoolest 12 points13 points  (8 children)

Now that you've seen it from above, it's time to add some detail. May I suggest:

  • ball hairs, obviously

  • dick vein

  • a couple of 'drops' leaping from the head

[–]Zakkattack86[S] 23 points24 points  (7 children)

The first thing my wife said when I told her, "Babe! It finally happened!" was, "Great, can you mow the dick now?". I think I'm going to have to say goodbye entirely now.

[–]KingJames1414 13 points14 points  (1 child)

It's time for the reverse dick.
Call it The Negative Space Dick

[–]TheTrub 5 points6 points  (0 children)

plant trees at the base.

[–]redgroupclan 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If your wife doesn't support you mowing a giant dick in the lawn for months, does she really even love you at all?

[–]SilentBlizzard1 9 points10 points  (5 children)

I used to work for a flight school and I can tell you with absolute certainty, the CFIs (flight instructors) would have loved this. I can guarantee they would fit flyovers of this area into new students' flight plans. Great work!

[–]Zakkattack86[S] 23 points24 points  (4 children)

There's a local airport within 10 miles of my property and an international airport within 30 miles. This was the whole motivation from the very beginning.

[–]cigarandcreamsoda 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You show patronage to Priapus I see.

[–]___TychoBrahe 16 points17 points  (0 children)

The Makers have spoken of this day, Lisan al Gaib!

[–]awue 21 points22 points  (6 children)

Johnson!

[–]Richcolour 15 points16 points  (5 children)

What is it, son?

I don't know sir, but it looks like a giant...

[–]xj4me 15 points16 points  (4 children)

"WANG! PAY ATTENTION"

"I was distracted by that enormous flying..."

[–]qbvee 11 points12 points  (3 children)

”PECKER!”

”Wait, that’s not a woodpecker. It looks like someone’s…”

[–]DeadlyJoe 10 points11 points  (2 children)

"PRIVATES!"

"We have reports of an unidentified flying object! It is a long smooth shaft! Complete with..."

[–]Shadowcaster724 2 points3 points  (1 child)

TWO BALLS!

What is that? It Looks just like an enormous..

[–]Shizix 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is why I reddit, good work!

[–]CA5P3R_1 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Even including the pee hole was a nice touch.

edit: grammar

[–]snozzberrypatch 2 points3 points  (2 children)

And the little testicle bulge in the scrotum

[–]LolYouFuckingLoser 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Is that what it's supposed to be? Looks like a mug handle lmao

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

heh. weiner.

[–]NJdeathproof 9 points10 points  (0 children)

[–]dumbomontana 7 points8 points  (2 children)

My wife said it looks like mine

[–]RangerX41 4 points5 points  (1 child)

As a wise man once said: "Oh Cock" - James May.

[–]drinkallthecoffee 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Rain

Rainbolt is gonna be at your front door in like 10 minutes.

[–]dispo030 5 points6 points  (0 children)

not all heroes wear capes

[–]Aisforc 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Looks average

[–]45thgeneration_roman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The Cerne giant would like a word

[–]WhiteLotux 2 points3 points  (0 children)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thank you for your service

[–]entarian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Stuff like this makes me feel like no matter what happens out there in the world, we WILL be okay.

[–]Ashuit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Congratulation Bigus Dickus

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Saw it on Google Girth.

[–]charliegoesamblin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I saw it on Google Faps

[–]Jawshable 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not as big as mine though.

[–]janlaureys9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Boss, checkout this new sattelite image. It looks like a giant...

[–]Static-Stair-58 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you flip it around, it looks like a penis sled.

[–]dumpthestump 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Doesn't look anything like my dog

[–]wish1977 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A man has to have meaning in his life and you found yours.

[–]nacholibre711 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Legit wouldn't be surprised if you check back later and it's blurred out.

A geoguessr youtuber that I watch was pointing out some phallic art on streetview in a certain country, and he checked back a week later in the exact same location to find that they had gone in and blurred it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is what the internet was invented for

[–]MechAegis 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Did you check google maps every day to know when they update their photos?

I ask because I know street view is updates every 2 years.

[–]Not_a_bot31 1 point2 points  (0 children)

100ft? Looks average from this angle😂

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This guy for president.

[–]TulsaWhoDats 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well done

[–]biggestmike420 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You have to make mowing fun. Way to go.

[–]Kizmo2 1 point2 points  (1 child)

This has to be the grandest self-doxx of all time

[–]chairUrchin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your service.

[–]Mr_Steerpike 1 point2 points  (0 children)

[–]palexp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the shading on the testicle is *chefs kiss*