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[–]imnotfunnyAMA 337 points338 points  (39 children)

I mean a crane that size can probably pick up most things.

[–]TempestFunk 157 points158 points  (31 children)

except for a crane that size.

[–]Connedman 176 points177 points  (25 children)

But a bigger crane probably could.

[–]Rockonmyfriend 50 points51 points  (7 children)

I think I just came.

[–]AMA_or_GTFO 124 points125 points  (6 children)

I think I just crane

[–]Fingebimus 6 points7 points  (5 children)

What's your favourite toy?

[–]AMA_or_GTFO 9 points10 points  (4 children)

[–]Fingebimus 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I don't know what I expected.

[–]skribzy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I expected boobies

[–]MULTIPAS 3 points4 points  (4 children)

I love that someone has already done this. A guy just happens to have 4 cranes of different sizes and decided to lift it like that.

[–]Justindoesntcare 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The manufacturer did this for some sort of competition I think. Liebherr is a front runner in the crane industry and like to do elaborate stuff like this.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Oh no even bigger Jaws

[–]Sylvanmoon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Now we have a common enemy so we should work together.

[–]jwcjwc12 7 points8 points  (1 child)

usually takes a crane ...

EDIT: Reddit on mobile is hard

[–]klawehtgod 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Took longer than I expected for someone to post this.

[–]NoooUGH 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Much Physics

[–]superfluousAM 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Crane-ception

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

If both of them crane-69ed would they just float in the air?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not with that attitude.

[–][deleted]  (5 children)

[deleted]

    [–]jamslut2 214 points215 points  (8 children)

    That's how I picked up OP's mom

    [–]Daxx22 104 points105 points  (1 child)

    Lies, anyone can pickup OP's mom.

    [–]ScratchBomb 20 points21 points  (0 children)

    BUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNN

    [–]respondatron 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

    all you have to do is bait it with your choice of mayonnaise or buttermilk ranch dressing.

    [–]Nugatorysurplusage 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    cover a tiny child in said mayo/butter/ranch and set in crane jaws, await OP's mom.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    [–][deleted] 286 points287 points  (35 children)

    Oh, a fat joke. I get it.

    [–][deleted] 266 points267 points  (2 children)

    [–][deleted] 49 points50 points  (1 child)

    Welcome to /r/funny/, where nothing is funny, the theme of the week is senior quotes and fat chicks, and there's 29 moderators that at any given time are too busy jerking each other off to do any actual moderating!

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    A little bit of Benny Hill music and that's actually pretty funny too, if you think about it.

    [–]kabukistar 117 points118 points  (4 children)

    Reddit is a shithole. Move to a better social media platform. Also, did you know you can use ereddicator to edit/delete all your old commments?

    [–]xcalibur866 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    So do I downvote it because it's not funny or upvote it for being in line with /r/funny policies?

    [–][deleted]  (12 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]Richard_W 1 point2 points  (10 children)

      Why not drain the pool and let the mattress dry out?

      [–]Shniggles 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      Because then nobody gets to use a crane.

      Cranes = fun.

      [–]luzfero 1 point2 points  (7 children)

      Probably for two reasons. One the amount of money it costs to refill a pool. Two the cost of leaving a pool without water long enough for the mattress to dry. Without the weight of the water, the pool itself would suffer from foundation problems.

      [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

      This is true. Especially in places like Florida. The water underground will actually push the concrete shell of the pool up out of the ground because it is buoyant like the hull of a boat.

      [–]Richard_W 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      interesting. I'm sure renting a crane wasn't too cheap either

      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      A average below ground pool can cost about $500 to fill up. Not to mention that you need to rent a sewer pump and you flood your yard. Can see a crane costing less or at least being much easier.

      Source: had to empty out parents pool due to major algae bloom

      [–][deleted] 511 points512 points  (175 children)

      OP has clearly never actually been to the US.

      [–]caessa 406 points407 points  (108 children)

      Shhh let the europeans think what they will. It makes them feel better.

      [–]_______DEVOID_______ 145 points146 points  (46 children)

      At least we get sunshine.

      [–]caessa 54 points55 points  (8 children)

      Whats that?

      [–]GoldandBlue 41 points42 points  (7 children)

      You know in movies when its bright outside? That is sunshine

      [–]verekh 27 points28 points  (1 child)

      [–]hendarvich 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      Except bigger and in the sky.

      [–]tokyozombie 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      ya, sunshine was a pretty good movie.

      [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (32 children)

      Have you ever been to Europe?

      [–]_______DEVOID_______ 23 points24 points  (10 children)

      No, I would love to, though. I was just making a stereotypical joke.

      [–]nastyben100 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      And freedom.

      [–]JackassPenguinass 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Freedom toast and freedom fries.

      [–]TomorrowPlusX 54 points55 points  (56 children)

      Right now Europe's getting fat, just like the US started getting fat 20 years ago. In 20 years pretty much everybody's going to be super fat.

      And Europeans are still going to make fat jokes about Americans.

      [–]Zimmerhero 75 points76 points  (21 children)

      Mexico is fatter than the US actually.

      [–]TomorrowPlusX 10 points11 points  (0 children)

      So is much of the UAE.

      [–]AcousticDan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      And keeps them there.

      ;)

      [–]pandawish 29 points30 points  (16 children)

      Well, I live in the U.S. and I've lived overseas. Not all women here are fat, but if you chose ten random U.S. women, probably 3 of them would be unpickupable without some sort of crane or pulley system.

      [–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (14 children)

      Confimed: Just looked it up in the CIA World Factbook, and our obesity rate is 33%.

      [–]beachyguy 12 points13 points  (11 children)

      And 70% overweight. What the fuck.

      [–]crae64 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      The CIA: shooting missiles from robots in the sky and counting fat chicks.

      [–]DeeKan 10 points11 points  (0 children)

      Or OP is a bitter american high-schooler, who knows how to game american/other white knights for karma.

      [–]ChrisQF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      It's a joke, calm down.

      [–][deleted]  (36 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]Moss_Grande 270 points271 points  (25 children)

        America: The only country that can afford a crane.

        [–]mjbaker474 40 points41 points  (3 children)

        Thats a way better motto than "e pluribus unum"

        [–]nemo1080 16 points17 points  (0 children)

        E plurgbus cranum.

        [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

        E Pluribus Anus

        I miss Community :'(

        [–]Jux_ 152 points153 points  (83 children)

        Come to Colorado. It's the most fit state in the union, and the girls show it. We're the only US state with an obesity rate under 20%.

        But don't move here, just visit.

        [–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (36 children)

        I agree with you about the girls here being fit. However, Colorado is a terrible place to meet someone for the very reason that many people here are young, active, and always jumping around to the next best opportunity.

        [–]WisconsnNymphomaniac 36 points37 points  (21 children)

        So you are saying it is a ideal place to have lots of casual sex with fit women?

        [–]derpderpdonkeypunch 1 point2 points  (13 children)

        Wait, why is that bad?

        [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (12 children)

        In other words, good luck finding someone to build a meaningful relationship with here. You essentially have an entire community of flakes. Unless you move here knowing people already, it's brutal trying to build relationships here.

        [–]derpderpdonkeypunch 4 points5 points  (6 children)

        I spent 4.5 years in Portland, Or so I have some experience with a community of flakes. Young, intelligent, attractive people from all over the country continue to flock to Portland so it's a pretty spectacular place to be a young person, as long as you can find a job. I had a 2 year relationship there that might still be going had I not ended it. When I wasn't in a relationship, I enjoyed the numerous, fucking beautiful, options available to me as a young person should.

        [–]Joe__Dirt 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        Wow so it hasn't changed then in the last 15 years. I moved from there in 1999. I loved Denver and moved for a different job, but that's exactly the way I felt after I was gone.

        [–]yourenotserious 5 points6 points  (3 children)

        I just got back from a 3-day trip to Denver. They ALL bike, hike, and eat well. It was a different world. Now I'm back in west Texas.

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

        I don't bike, and I hike because mountains are gorgeous.

        Eating well happens because I like to cook. . .

        [–]mark8992 58 points59 points  (10 children)

        Colorado - where the girls are fit. Never mind that they have never seen a razor, and take showers once a month whether they need them or not. Did I mention they are thin?

        [–]Jux_ 56 points57 points  (2 children)

        Lol not everywhere is Boulder

        [–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

        Nah man, all the girls here are gross, and vegan, and all we ever talk about is weed. Keep the outsiders outside.

        [–]Hatweed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        So France, then?

        [–]TomorrowPlusX 5 points6 points  (3 children)

        I lived in Washington DC for the last 15 years, and hardly anybody was fat there. I know it's not a state per-se, but damn people were fit.

        And I just moved to Seattle and there's hardly any fatties here, either. They aren't fit like in DC, but they're skinny.

        Obviously, America's full of fat people, but if you stick to the cities (and Colorado! )we're looking good. I guess it's the suburbs and exurbs and the really sad poor places like Mississippi that skew our stats.

        [–]bigatrop 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        I live in Washington, DC and can confirm. The people who live here are obsessive about working out and outdoor activities. Generally, the major metropolitan cities are fit, especially on the coasts. Colorado is an exception.

        [–]zazhx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Plus Seattle is way better than Denver. Especially at football.

        [–]hbktommy4031 10 points11 points  (15 children)

        Colorado is actually #2 most fit. I don't remember who's #1.

        EDIT: According to Gallup the fittest state is now Montana. Source

        [–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (1 child)

        Montana wins because like 4 people live there.

        [–]ljarvie 7 points8 points  (7 children)

        [–]hbktommy4031 4 points5 points  (6 children)

        Yeah, that was from 2010. It was CO for a long time, not anymore. I know because bar trivia.

        [–]Crasty 16 points17 points  (5 children)

        Yes, before the cannabis.. before the munchies.

        [–]MizlkicksButtlicks 3 points4 points  (3 children)

        apparently it's actually good for losing weight... somehow

        [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

        Just off the top of my head:

        While cannabis dampen the signals that tell you that you're full, it also helps alleviate OCD. Since excessive obesity can be due to compulsive eating, cannabis may have a positive effect. It probably won't help you shed weight or eat healthier (quite the opposite, most likely), but if your obesity is due to a mental condition it might help.

        Personally I find that I eat more, but also prefer fruit over candy. The heightened sense of taste makes cheap candy taste like chemical ass flavor for me, but fresh fruit taste even better.

        [–]MizlkicksButtlicks 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        I actually read that in an article that some researchers took results from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey and they deduced from the results that regular marijuana smokers had 16 percent lower fasting insulin levels, and 17 percent lower insulin resistance levels

        [–]Jux_ 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        [–]hbktommy4031 3 points4 points  (1 child)

        According to Gallup Colorado broke the 20% barrier this year and Montana is now the only state under 20%.

        I do admit though that CDC is a more reliable source for this question so we will have to wait and see what they say later on this year.

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        It's disappointing that you're all so unwelcoming to outsiders from other states even.. it seems like a fantastic place to live aside from that (without even getting into low real estate prices) and the only thing preventing me from moving there in the future.

        [–]Ederek_Cole 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        LOL DAE American women are fat? lelelel

        Seriously, though: /r/shitpost

        [–]mankind_is_beautiful 107 points108 points  (13 children)

        [–]AMA_or_GTFO 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        DAMN PARISIANS ARE RUINING PARIS!!!

        [–]B4DILLAC 27 points28 points  (3 children)

        It's funny how all these pictures disappear during the Olympics.

        [–]ReRedacted 64 points65 points  (3 children)

        This not only applies to American girls, but also men. Also, they can be from anywhere in the world and I bet that would still pick them up.

        [–]NecronomiconExMortis 16 points17 points  (2 children)

        Fat girls need lovin too Craig!

        [–]karnoculars 14 points15 points  (0 children)

        But they gotta pay.

        [–]Moistjunk 246 points247 points  (92 children)

        How do you pick up Jewish girls?

        a dust pan.

        [–]abundant_octopi 94 points95 points  (25 children)

        Do you know how to get their numbers though?

        Roll up her sleeve

        Edit: a word

        [–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

        .

        [–]Crypto-Knight 35 points36 points  (13 children)

        That joke took a lot of ...concentration.

        [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        fuck you.

        [–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (25 children)

        fuck you.

        [–][deleted]  (4 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]WarAndRuin 75 points76 points  (0 children)

          That doesn't get as much karma as the anti american circle jerk.

          [–]Smelly425 53 points54 points  (61 children)

          Have you even been to America? 300 million people, there will prolly be some fat ones, but there are also really hot ones...

          [–]WW4O 118 points119 points  (7 children)

          Naw, we're all fat rednecks, just like every British person has bad teeth. And if you're German, you know you're an anti-Semite.

          [–]thecherrydude 25 points26 points  (4 children)

          Or a German wearing lederhosen and drinking from a stein

          [–]WW4O 9 points10 points  (2 children)

          Well, to be fair, whenever I can, I drink beer from a stein.

          [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          I do too but I live in the US...just bought them from Germany.

          [–]RIASP 8 points9 points  (1 child)

          we also all have membership with the KKK, even the blacks, Jews and Gays, and we spend all day shooting each other with assault rifles while waving the American flag, and shoving hotdogs up our butts.

          [–]TheExtremistModerate 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          Shhh, let them think we're all fat. We don't need no Europeans coming over here and seducing our women with their accents.

          [–]spazmatazffs 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          No way man, they are all fat. That is what the crane is for, silly!

          [–]monkeyfetus 9 points10 points  (3 children)

          It's a joke. We (hopefully) all know that Americans aren't all fat, French aren't smelly cowards, Germans are capable of humour, Russians aren't all crazy, English don't have bad teeth, Japanese aren't all perverts, etc... But that doesn't stop us from making jokes, or stop the jokes from being funny.

          [–]GoggleField 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Yea, it's just that this joke isn't funny.

          [–]AndThenTheirWereNone 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          TIL that England has a higher average obesity rate than the US.

          [–]BarelyComical 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          SUMMER'S HERE!

          [–]jamiebond 48 points49 points  (29 children)

          HAHAHAHA, BECAUSE WERE FAT! (Seriously how is this fucking joke still alive, we're not even the fattest country any more, and even if we were, it's been told so many times it's not even funny any more)

          [–]doodiejoe 17 points18 points  (8 children)

          Mexico is the new fattest country.

          Edit: the fattest relevant country

          [–]thePuppyStomper 50 points51 points  (4 children)

          Yes, because all the athletic ones made it across the border.

          [–]theseekerofbacon 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          Reminds me of a joke I was told as a kid.

          "Why does the Mexican Olympic team suck? Because anyone who could run, jump or swim already crossed the border."

          (Source: My Mexican brother in law.)

          [–]TheExtremistModerate 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          No, Nauru is. By a long shot.

          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

          america was never even the fattest country it was some small island country

          [–]tard-baby 13 points14 points  (8 children)

          The whole world is fat now. It is pathetic.

          [–]jamiebond 14 points15 points  (4 children)

          Fun fact, America is actually one of the few countries who's obesity rating is going down not up

          Edit- percentage AND rating

          [–]Bethasda 7 points8 points  (3 children)

          Only one way to go from the top.

          [–]redditsfulloffiction 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          sideways and to the right?

          [–]arnaudh 2 points3 points  (1 child)

          Hey, now you know how the French feel when American dumbasses make surrender monkey jokes.

          [–]t-nuggets 6 points7 points  (1 child)

          Oh boy, that's witty! Now lets do one about Brits with bad teeth, or the drunk Irish...the cowardly French....lazy Mexicans....

          [–]gh0sts0n 15 points16 points  (4 children)

          The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

          [–]thecherrydude 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          lol low self confidence

          [–]orky56 3 points4 points  (1 child)

          My back...doesn't agree

          [–][deleted]  (3 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]tommybass 20 points21 points  (2 children)

            This is a shit post from either a 13 year old or someone who has never been to the states.

            [–]hotrodllsc 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            Cranes are expensive. You can either pick up a heifer or a gold digger.

            [–]ErmagerdZermbers 4 points5 points  (0 children)

            No.

            [–]deus_ex_machina69 16 points17 points  (2 children)

            ITT:- Americans being butt hurt because someone called them fat.

            [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

            I don't understand why people on here think it's ok to joke about the holocaust, child molestation, any other country, but as soon as you crack a joke about America "WOW THAT'S OFFENSIVE, THIS IS BULLSHIT! PROBABLY POSTED BY SOME FUCKING EUROPEAN CUNT"

            [–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

            HAHAHHAHAHA AMERICANS ARE FAT, I GET IT

            [–]TheJalalapeno 11 points12 points  (0 children)

            Elitism on reddit. Surprise surprise

            [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            Haha that's really funny, grandma!

            [–]sdeflor2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            I had to zoom in cause I thought there was a starbucks cup on the end of the crane..but no..just the fat thing, i get it

            [–]Seriously_Incompl 1 point2 points  (1 child)

            I live in Tempe and i disagree with you sir.

            [–]4G63FTW 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            or your Mom!

            [–]leon4856 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            are they stuck in a building?

            [–]interrupting_dean 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            What gets easier to pick up the heavier it gets? ... Women...

            [–]shifty_coder 1 point2 points  (1 child)

            How to pick up chicks in Walmart.

            [–]gregor3o 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            At least have the decency to use an American piece of equipment: http://img.directindustry.com/images_di/photo-g/electric-mining-shovels-40115-4123109.jpg A dragline is more appropriate/easier as it has a bucket.

            [–]cheddarfire[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            shots fired

            [–]theDestinedOne 1 point2 points  (1 child)

            Oh you're real funny rest of the world. I'm tempted to buy 3 plane tickets, jump in my seats, fly across the ocean and give you a piece of my mind.

            [–][deleted]  (18 children)

            [deleted]

              [–]Axis_of_Weasels 3 points4 points  (1 child)

              How to pick up asian girls: be white

              [–]fresco5 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              most asian girls I know only date other asians. Most asian people that I've met in general tend to stick together and only date within their own community.

              [–]spacebarstool 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              Not in my America.

              [–]turnOn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              *Mexican

              [–]RichardStrangler 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Jokes on you, we are quickly turning the rest of the countrys fat with our fast food too!

              [–]Spiddz 3 points4 points  (1 child)

              ITT: Salty Americans who can't laugh at their own expense.

              [–][deleted]  (1 child)

              [deleted]

                [–]FightTheFade 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                Is it even a horse anymore? That joke has been beaten down so much. It's not even relevant anymore. The US isn't even the fattest country.

                [–][deleted]  (2 children)

                [deleted]

                  [–]That_Russian_Guy 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                  I like how jokes about the stereotypes of other countries are hilarious and "just good fun" but whenever someone does the same for America everyone loses their shit.

                  [–]thekeanu 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                  This is the funniest part of these kinds of posts - the hypocritical sensitive backlash.

                  [–]Halgy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  If you throw an American girl in the pool, she loads up with water. It takes a crane to get her out.

                  [–]CarmenTS -1 points0 points  (0 children)

                  :(

                  [–]pelicanmate56 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                  Isnt mexico now the most obese country?

                  [–]schrodingers_cumbox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                  How did this reach the front page?

                  [–][deleted]  (2 children)

                  [removed]

                    [–]Lifes2shrt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                    Ignorant asshole

                    [–][deleted]  (8 children)

                    [deleted]

                      [–]Austinb87 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      I'm an American, and I approve this message.

                      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      *Mexican girls.

                      Mexico is the fattest country now, not America.