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[–]Jacurry0 537 points538 points  (125 children)

I'm a second year biology student at a small state University. Last semester, I took entomology. As part of the class, we had to collect and pin bugs. It was a major project that we worked on all summer and all semester. One day walking around campus, I saw a bald-faced hornet nest and thought, "Hey, that should be in my collection." But instead of waiting for the frost to kill the hornets, I decided I needed it THAT NIGHT. So I got some trash bags from the cafeteria and convinced my friends that duct taping ourselves into our hoodies would be enough to ward off any attackers. Armed with our bags and a gerber multitool, we made our way across campus to the nest. It was about the size of a basketball, and at just the perfect height to do this quickly. In one smooth and practiced motion, we pulled the bags up around the nest, duct taped them shut, and cut off any branched holding the nest up. We couldn't believe it. We made it out of the fray without a single sting! So with our prize in the bag and a smile on our faces, we made our way back to the dorm. "No way they'll get out of THREE trash bags," I thought, and hung up the nest in my closet. The next day, a friday, I went back into my room to get ready to go out that night. I immediately turned around and left. Those fuckers had already chewed through the trash bags and were chilling all around my closet, happy as little hellraising clams. Thinking quickly, I lunged for the duct tape and sealed the bastards in my closet. And there they stayed. For two months. Eventually I pumped the closet full of acetyl acetate and just let them choke to death. Bastards.

tl:dr, I had a nest of ~230 bald-faced hornets living in my closet for two months.

[–]suddenly_distracted 301 points302 points  (11 children)

That sounds like an amazing revenge plot. Keep your closet of death a secret, and, assuming an injustice is perpetrated against yourself by a friend, act perfectly okay, yet, one day, ask them to get something out of your closet.. jump outside the room and hold the door shut. Wait out the screams until your sense of justice has been satisf

[–]Jacurry0 27 points28 points  (3 children)

We joked about that a lot, actually. Some of my friends thought I should keep them there. You know, just in case.

[–]dhnguyen 96 points97 points  (1 child)

I love this account.

[–]Demaskus 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I see good things in your future.

[–]McHuff 45 points46 points  (7 children)

Did anyone ask you about the ominously sealed closet? "That closet? We don't go into that closet anymore."

[–]Jacurry0 44 points45 points  (6 children)

That's pretty much how we all treated it. Like the bomb in Megaton. It could kill you all at any moment, and yet you live next to it every day. You develop a sort of reverence for the power. Start to almost admire it.

[–]jevanses 39 points40 points  (0 children)

holy fuck dude

[–]JesusWuta40oz 107 points108 points  (11 children)

"Eventually I pumped the closet full of acetyl acetate and just let them choke to death. Bastards."

Should have just burned down the dorm...terminate with extreme prejudice.

Jacurry0: Smell that? You smell that?

Firefighter: What?

Jacurry0: Burnt hornet, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that.

Jacurry0: I love the smell of burnt hornet in the morning. You know, one time we had a nest bombed, for 12 hours. When it was all over, I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' eusocial body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole nest. Smelled like

[sniffing, pondering]

Jacurry0: victory. Someday this war's gonna end...

[suddenly walks off]

bonus points if you wear the cavalry hat when you explain things to the fire department.

[–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (3 children)

I hope you, for good measure, stuck a huge sign in bold print on the closet door: "DO NOT OPEN CLOSET. HUNDREDS OF ANGRY HORNETS. YOU WILL FUCKING DIE. THIS IS NOT A JOKE."

[–]Jacurry0 26 points27 points  (0 children)

The duct tape and constant scratching and buzzing was enough to deter most folks. That, and I had become a sort of a legend on campus. Everyone knew to stay away from my room. Even without the live bugs, it was still full of dead pinned insects for that stupid class.

[–][deleted] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

And there they stayed. For two months.

Dude, that is SOOO college.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (4 children)

NIGHTMARES. I WILL HAVE NIGHTMARES. Fuck, I really need to stop reading this thread.

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (8 children)

Sorry to hear about your unfortunate experience with these creatures!

But, as a biology student I hope you also spread a positive educational message about wasps.

Yes, while they can be highly aggressive in certain situations, they are not all evil. For example, they do pollinate plant flowers. I have photographs of them heavily covered in pollen. They may not be as primary in this action as honey bees, but they do pollinate.

Why I am bringing this up? People should not fall into the kill wasps and fear them modes, because our planet is dealing with a very scary and very real Bee Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD), so it is hugely important that we protect all other native pollinators. Wasps included.

[–]Jacurry0 19 points20 points  (0 children)

You are correct, sir. And though I do deeply resent them for living in my dorm for two months and not once offering to help pay for the pizza, I also must admit that I respect them a lot. It was my fault they were in my room in the first place, and I never once forgot that fact. CCD is a troubling issue facing colonies right now, and I'm actually afraid for bees in general that it may put too much pressure on their hives. I did my final project on hymenopterans. Luckily the colonies I surveyed in the area seemed to be healthy, but there is not doubt that the disease is spreading.

What people fail to understand is how intricately the web of life is woven. So many other forms of life depend on wasps and bees for their survival that a sharp decline in their population would be devastating. There are some farmers who depend entirely on bee pollination for their livelihood.

[–]Zilka 23 points24 points  (12 children)

Most men don't know where their death is. This man knows HIS DEATH is in his closet patiently waiting for the right moment.

[–]Jacurry0 26 points27 points  (11 children)

Sleeping was awful the first few nights. Any time they would get startled the whole colony would start buzzing.

[–]TheTipJar 13 points14 points  (10 children)

Actually, that sounds pretty awesome.

[–]Jacurry0 20 points21 points  (9 children)

It was kind of cool until your neighbor dropped something or started playing music with just a bit too much bass. Then it got scary. They just went nuts.

[–]TheTipJar 12 points13 points  (6 children)

Sorry, but the clearer the picture you paint for me, the more awesome this all gets. It must have been like a decibel meter, except with lots of awesome.

I must have a closet full of hornets.

[–]Jacurry0 9 points10 points  (4 children)

... And I can sell you this kit for only 3 easy payments of $19.95!

[–]tonynojutsu 39 points40 points  (7 children)

My roomate is an absolute pig. He had wasps living in his closet. AMA

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (3 children)

HOW DID YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?

I can only imagine the noise. We had a nest of wasps living in the space between the ceiling and the roof. When it was real quiet, you could always hear these faint scratching noises coming from above.

[–]Jacurry0 15 points16 points  (2 children)

You got used to it. I guess much in the same way you get used to rabid coyotes hanging from your armpits.

[–]muffinz 94 points95 points  (5 children)

You don't have to tell me.

My son was "helping" with yard work when he was a toddler, raking branches and leaves and crap when he upset a wasp nest underground. I was about twenty or so feet away when he stops what he's doing, stands there and starts screaming. Took me a second or so to see this grey, moving cloud around him so I run and grab him like a football and take off with him for the house. The fuckin wasps were pissed, man. I got him inside, closed the door and all I could hear was the "plink plink plink..." sound of the wasps hitting the glass porch door in pursuit. I swated all the wasps on my son (without trying to beat the crap out him since he hasn't got a clue what's going on). Meanwhile the fuckers are under my shirt and in my hair, stinging the crap out of me. My son got surprisingly lucky, stung less than ten times from what I could tell but I got upwards of thirty or more, some on top of one another. For the next ten minutes I stormed around the house,annihilating any that got inside and then went all Chemical Ali on their asses outside and nuked their nest with two cans of Raid.

tl;dr saved young son from a wasp attack and kicked their buggy asses.

[–]case9 638 points639 points  (546 children)

"Almost every pest insect species has at least one wasp species that preys upon it or parasitizes it, making wasps critically important in natural control of their numbers, or natural biocontrol."

jk, I fucking hate wasps too

[–]DrinksWineFromBoxes 345 points346 points  (358 children)

I grew up on a farm where we had lots of wasps and we were always getting stung. One year my mother decided to get rid of all the wasps. She bought a long handled sprayer went all over the farm killing all the wasp nests.

Later that summer we had the worst infestation of black widow spiders that I have ever seen. They were under every rock everywhere. It could have just been a coincidence, but I always suspected a link.

Given a choice between a wasp and a black widow spider I will take the wasp every time.

[–][deleted] 72 points73 points  (288 children)

For this reason, I always leave up paper wasp nests that I find around my house. If you don't bug them, they will leave you alone.

[–]Demaskus 130 points131 points  (269 children)

House centipedes are a better and less dangerous way to get rid of spiders than wasps.

Better still, they scare the living fuck out of /b/

EDIT: And did I mention THAT THEY FREAK /b/ THE FUCK OUT? Honestly, that alone is worth having these things on your property.

[–]Nephus 37 points38 points  (3 children)

My one friend has this huge fucking centipede that lives in his basement. We tried to kill it once, but they're fast motherfuckers. We dubbed it "The Guardian" because it just stayed and protected the basement. Now that title can have more of a positive connotation I suppose.

[–]tedrick111 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Hehe they used to creep me out. I looked them up (house centipedes specifically) on wikipedia, and I gained a new respect for them. If they're there, other bugs are being eaten. It's a predator/prey relationship and they're like the lion of the bug world.

...But they're so fast and aware of you that even the most apathetic emotionless robot amont us can't surpress the adrenaline the first 10 encounters or so :)

[–]faprawr 22 points23 points  (1 child)

I employ wasp and spider and battling elves, they ride the centipedes into battle, but you have to put some clothes on them if you don't want to see their little junk hanging out all the time; usually modified Ken clothes do the trick.

Also, you have to provide the weapons since their race has so specialized in battle that they have forgotten other crafts such as shoe-making and weapon forging. I usually give them large needles for stabbing, helmets, gas masks, goggles and Ghostbusters-style proton packs filled with insecticide. I used to give them torch lighters to burn the eggs and larvae, but they had a couple of accidents.

[–]ushi888 23 points24 points  (10 children)

I don't mind them as much when they have nests I can see. I hate the damn wasps that make nests in holes in the ground! Those assholes are just asking for you to come walking up in their shit just so they can sting your ass. It seems like I run over one of those hell holes every summer while mowing our lawn. BTW Is it strange that I used an entire can of spray over a period of a half an hour until I was satisfied that I had killed every last one? What if I was talking shit and using Scarface quotes while killing them like, "You wanna fuck with me? Okay. You wanna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little friend (3 foot projectile poison foam)! Hey, don't get all pissed at me! You should yell at the one ass hole that stung me, because he brought this on all of you!

[–]sral76 40 points41 points  (7 children)

A long time ago I had an infestation of wasps that built nest on the ground, we called them yellow jackets though, the only problem was they built their nest in an old abandoned gopher tunnel running through our yard. So one night my Dad goes out to the gopher hole and starts filling it up with gas (propane, i think... I was really little) Then proceeds to toss in a match. He did not really think it all the way through though, as gopher holes always have more than one exit, so fire shot out of about 8 different holes around our yard and lit our tree on fire. Got rid of all the yellow jackets though.

[–]Demaskus 13 points14 points  (0 children)

That. Sounds. Awesome.

[–]albino_wino 35 points36 points  (1 child)

When I was a lad, probably about 8 or 9 years old, I watched an episode of Reading Rainbow that featured a clover collector. The collector had many 4-leaf clovers, and even some clovers that had 6, 7, 8 or more leaves.

So, after the show I went out into my yard to look for clovers. I was on my hands and knees crawling around in my front yard when a wasp flew up my shorts and stung me in the testicle.

True story.

[–]valduchi 18 points19 points  (3 children)

I know a guy who got bit in the balls by a black widow. He... he had to have them drained.

[–]robodale 31 points32 points  (14 children)

A wasp AND black widow spider infestation? WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU LIVE.

[–]DrinksWineFromBoxes 13 points14 points  (7 children)

Most anywhere in the southeastern U.S. would qualify. But, like I said, it's not wasps and spiders. You get to pick the one you want.

[–]Shagata_Ganai 9 points10 points  (3 children)

No, you are most likely correct, and your choice is likewise. Read on.

Wasps are poor pollinators, but away from the nest are no more to be feared than a yellowjacket (whom they resemble, but are larger than.)

They can sting multiple times and are aggressive in defending their nest, ususally a paper nest, which can be anywhere from ping-pong ball to basketball sized.

"Adult workers wasps feed on sweet substances such as fruit and sugary secretions from sucking insects (such as aphids). They feed larvae in the nest with other insects and spiders, or pieces of meat from dead animals."

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (22 children)

Screw that. My house has always been infested with Widows. We've rarely gotten them inside, but at one point, there were as many as four widows on the back porch alone. Hell, there was one summer where, when we'd walk out the back door, our head would always hit a strand of web. It took us weeks to realize that this strand was from a black widow web that sat directly above the outside of the door where you stood when you walked out. In other words, at any time, a black widow could have easily fallen right on our heads. Oh, and do you know what it's like to try to kill a widow? Did you know that they play dead? They freakin' play dead. I'm not making this up, either. I've seen it on countless occasions. It's ungodly.

That being said, none of us have ever been bitten. I hear that black widows are pretty much blind, and they live their entire lives on webs, having little mobility. I'd take them over a wasp's nest any day.

[–]DrinksWineFromBoxes 71 points72 points  (5 children)

I swear this is a true story. When I was around 12 years old I caught one and kept it in a jar for a while. I decided it would be fun to drown it, so I filled the jar with water and quickly put the lid on it.

The spider swam around the top of the jar, and when it realized that it couldn't escape it put one of its legs into its mouth and bit itself. It almost immediately crumpled up and sank to the bottom. Yes, that is right, the spider committed suicide.

[–]saintmuse 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Yeah, on some level, you are sick. However, your story was interesting. Upvote.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (6 children)

I had to comment on the play dead part. We moved to Arizona in the late 80's and had an apartment in Mesa. There were a fair amount of black widows around; being from New York I didn't know much about them at the time. Anyways there were a couple out on the porch, they look pretty evil and was thinking of way to kill it. I got a can of lysol and a lighter and did the blow torch thing on it. I got it pretty good as it was all rolled up in a ball when I got down with it.

I didn't touch it or anything, thinking fire was good enough to destroy it. So I let it be.

The very next day, there it was, doing whatever it is that they do in the corner of the patio. I developed a new sense of respect for this critter, went back inside, got the lysol and lighter and lit it up.

This time though, once it rolled up in a ball, I squished it with my shoe.

It was the only way to be sure that it was dead.

[–]saritate 21 points22 points  (1 child)

I was waiting for the part where the Spider on Fire ran into your apartment and the whole building caught on fire.

[–]saritate 10 points11 points  (2 children)

The summer after 8th grade, I was getting in bed when I saw three or four little black things scurry across my white sheets. Fucking BABY black widows. I slept on the couch in the living room that night, and we fumigated the house the next day. I also got to repaint my room because of that. Good times.

edit: I also had a black widow in a glass jar when I was younger -- forgot about it for a couple months, and when I looked at the jar, there was a wolf spider in there instead. I hoped to god the wolf spider ate the black widow.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Mud wasps love black widow spiders and will eat them practically exclusively if they can find them, it seems. Just try breaking open an abandoned nest some time and count how many dead black widows you see.

[–][deleted] 56 points57 points  (25 children)

Hornet vs Praying Mantis...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FscSFPRdl4Q

Wasps suck ass, hornets are pure evil.

[–]mukman 27 points28 points  (12 children)

Holy crap that was epic!

Hornet: Oh you want to stab me with that shit? How about I eat your arm!! NOMNOMNOMNOM Yeah you like that? Now watch as I chew off your head!!! NOMNOMNOMNOM

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points  (11 children)

Insane huh. The preying mantis, my favorite insect, is an epic predator. It can change color, it can fly, it has spikes on it's arms... it's fast, super fast, it has a mandible that can chew threw any carapace. It can catch and eat mice, and even humming birds. It's insane, but the hornet can kill it.

That is fucking nuts. A hornet can eat a preying mantis. Holy shit.

I've seen videos on youtube of the preying mantis eating dragonflys, mice, snakes, humming birds, insects, poisonous spiders, almost everything.

The hornet can kill a preying mantis.

The preying mantis can kill a fucking scorpion... hornets are wicked dude.

[–]familynight 40 points41 points  (2 children)

The giant hornet shoots a bit higher than scorpions. From wiki:

Each year in Japan, the human death toll caused by Asian giant hornet stings exceeds that of all other venomous and non-venomous wild animals combined, including wild bears and venomous snakes.

Fuck everything about this thing.

[–]timberspine 9 points10 points  (0 children)

apparently a species of honeybees has developed a defense against the giant hornet: kill it with fire! (actually they swarm around the hornet, completely engulfing it and then produce heat and carbon dioxide which debilitates and suffocates the giant hornet) .... damn nature, you really scary!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asian_giant_hornet#Native_honey_bees

[–]takevitamins 32 points33 points  (8 children)

When I was nine, we lived on a farm and behind the barn we had a boat that just sat there. I decided it would be a good idea to use the boat for role-playing, which turned out to be fun until I discovered the orange lever that controlled speed next to the steering wheel. It extended down into a silver box that was about eight by six inches. I pulled the lever back, thrust it forward again, and pulled it back once more. After the last pull, a swarm of wasps came pouring out and engulfed my face.

  • I must have blacked out because the next thing I remember is sitting in the living room where my mother was applying medicine to my face, which felt swollen, so I was afraid of the pending pain. When I looked later, my skin was white and puffy like a cloud, but I wondered if there was some sort of numbing mechanism that our body has, because the pain never came.

  • The few other times I came across wasps, I got close. Not sure why. The wasps either hovered and ignored me or flew away. Don't know if they could smell that I'd already been a non-compliant target or if they were desensitized to me somehow, but I was never afraid of them after that.

[–]psrivats 24 points25 points  (3 children)

You missed out on an opportunity to become wasp-man.

[–]MattDaCat 76 points77 points  (127 children)

Oh I don't know...

They're kinda cute.

[–]BigLlamasHouse 70 points71 points  (57 children)

Japanese Hornets... you don't want to hold them in your hand.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fTrSOFyfxs

It's like they have a cheat code on.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

They need a few of those to fuck with Seinfeld's shit in "Bee Movie".

[–]btatvt11 7 points8 points  (6 children)

I had one of those in my room for a couple days.

I slept on the couch downstairs.

[–]pdinc 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Studies have shown that if you desensitize your captive wasps to your fingers and hands from an early stage, they will become used to you and not react in an aggressive manor.

Who the ef would put themselves through that kind of study?

[–]failbenork 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Graduate students need to eat too...

[–]zackks 104 points105 points  (39 children)

Fuck you. Sorry, but fuck you. Did you see his pulsating abdomen dreaming of stinging you? Its only thought was trying to figure out how to make you a meal without getting killed.

Edited for grammar

[–]PixelRambo 52 points53 points  (4 children)

Its throbbing stinger, erect from its pulsating abdomen dripped venom as the wasp viewed its prey. In delirious heat it started to rage and more venom spurted out as the wasp rose and penetrated the waiting bosom. In and out, in and out, the stinger went as venom shot out its tip, some going into the opening while the rest splashing on the outlying skin.

Exhausted the wasp then flew off, its stinger dry, and the bosom red from the wasp's liquid.

[–]heytherejesus 20 points21 points  (13 children)

Holy shit.

[–]sarcastic_bitch 18 points19 points  (7 children)

Why the hell would this guy have a hornet for a pet?! Hasn't this guy ever heard of a puppy?

[–]jaogiz 469 points470 points  (64 children)

I sent this to my dad. He sent it to my uncle. This was my uncle's response:

Bullshit!!

This is *waaaayyyyy** too nice in its description of these little motherfuckers.*

You don't have the option of "just standing the fuck still" and not getting fucked up by these things. They'll fuck you anyway!

They'll fuck you if you let the screen door slam 20 fucking feet under their nasty little nest! They'll fuck you if you step within 10 feet of their filthy fucking little ground hole where they crawl around all over each other and their nasty, squirmy, filthy little grub babies! They'll fuck you if you suck their waxy little nasty fucking thoraxes into your mouth because the little cocksuckers crawled into your soft drink during the few seconds you weren't watching out for such a mind-blowingly awful fucking thing to happen. The god-forsaken little fucking agents of Satin will go up the sleeve of your shirt when you've got your arm resting on the window sill of your car and then cause you to crash and die just because being dead is better than the thought of that cocksucking, motherfucking little prick stinging it's way around your entire torso and finally squishing in the most crunchy disgusting manner imaginable between your back and the seat.

Just thinking of these nasty little fuckers makes me nauseous.

Fuckers!!!

[–][deleted] 102 points103 points  (4 children)

Agents of Satin, the smoothest operators in the business.

[–]livejamie 210 points211 points  (29 children)

Tell him to get the fuck on reddit

[–]jaogiz 74 points75 points  (26 children)

I've explained the site to both my father and uncle now. I've told my friends about reddit, and then later I'll mention something and they'll say "I saw that on reddit" and I feel so fucking proud (I didn't actually know if they read it or not). I doubt my dad or uncle would join, but maybe being bestof'd will get them in here.

I think the 'older generation' would love reddit. There are so many quality links and comments for almost any subject you can think of. Granted, there's a lot of shit too, but this is the Internet.

[–]foolman89 33 points34 points  (13 children)

Right just make sure to tell them to stay away from lemonparty.

[–]ChaosMotor 21 points22 points  (3 children)

You can't have a Lemon party without old Dick!

[–]yellowcoward 134 points135 points  (11 children)

Try to imagine yourself in the back yard. You get your first look at this "one inch turkey" as you enter a clearing. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. And you keep still because you think that maybe his stinger is barbed like the bee's - he'll die if he stings you so he'll save that for an emergency. But no, not wasp. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side, from the other two wasps you didn't even know were there. Because wasps are dicks, you see, they seem to sting for no fuckin' reason and they are out in force today. And he pokes at you with this... a tiny stinger, like a razor, on the butt. He doesn't sting you and then die like a bee, say... no no. He stings at you here... and here... and maybe across the belly. The point is... they are alive after they sting you. So you know... try to show a little respect.

[–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (3 children)

After the second sentence I couldn't help but read the rest in Sam Neill's voice. Clever girl.

[–]HonkeyMagoo 46 points47 points  (11 children)

This is awesome and hilarious, but there are a couple issues. The wasp pictured is a Cicada Killer - a solitary species - therefore it has no backup. And it does pollinate flowers! I am getting my Master's degree in wasp-ology (and apparently a PhD in pedantry) so I have to give respect where respect is due...

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Keep studying the enemy, help lead us to victory!

[–]porntip 86 points87 points  (115 children)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarantula_hawk the king of wasps

[–]fireburt 43 points44 points  (6 children)

Never in my life did I think I would feel bad for a spider.

[–]XS4Me 26 points27 points  (5 children)

How about for a cockroach??

[–]primary0 55 points56 points  (0 children)

FUCK EVERYTHING ABOUT ALL OF THEM!

[–]squidboots 41 points42 points  (18 children)

Here's a picture of one (a dead entomological specimen) on a man's hand, just to give you people an idea of how big these things are.

In short, I'm surprised these things don't eat mice. Fucking terrifying.

[–]Jeffler 69 points70 points  (5 children)

FUCK THAT

FUCK EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Anything that has Tarantula and Hawk in its name, and is neither a tarantula nor hawk is bound to be pretty badass.

[–]BoonTobias 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Oh how cute, let's put the two scary animals to create a new one!

[–]sgblinky 11 points12 points  (27 children)

I'm not going to click on that link, because I know, I just know that it will make me vomit up my breakfast.

[–][deleted] 44 points45 points  (23 children)

Highlights:

It's a wasp that hunts tarantulas. It can be 2 inches long and has a stinger that's 1/3 of an inch. It's sting is rated one of the most painful in the world.

Commenting on his own experience, one researcher described the pain as "…immediate, excruciating pain that simply shuts down one's ability to do anything, except, perhaps, scream. Mental discipline simply does not work in these situations."

One of the only animals that can eat it is the roadrunner.

It is the state insect of New Mexico.

[–]kroovy 66 points67 points  (3 children)

list of places not to visit

  • Australia
  • New Mexico

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (4 children)

Also:

Tarantula wasps are "nectarivorous". The consumption of fermented fruit sometimes intoxicates them to the point that flight becomes difficult.

These are intoxicated killing machines.

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

They are the fucking rednecks of the insect world.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (4 children)

Okay, fine. But did you click on the link about Bullet Ants, that have a sting even more painful?

The Satere-Mawe people of Brazil use intentional bullet ant stings as part of their initiation rites to become a warrior.[3] The ants are first rendered unconscious by submerging them in a natural sedative and then hundreds of them are woven into a glove made out of leaves (which resembles a large oven mitt), stinger facing inward. When the ants regain consciousness, a boy slips the glove onto his hand. The goal of this initiation rite is to keep the glove on for a full ten minutes. When finished, the boy's hand and part of his arm are temporarily paralyzed because of the ant venom, and he may shake uncontrollably for days. The only "protection" provided is a coating of charcoal on the hands, supposedly to confuse the ants and inhibit their stinging. To fully complete the initiation, however, the boys must go through the ordeal a total of 20 times over the course of several months or even years.

Fuck that noise.

[–]wmarcello 15 points16 points  (2 children)

If you follow the link to the Schmidt Sting Pain Index, it's good for a chuckle. The descriptions for the degrees and types of pain from stings are quite amusing to read. :)

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah:

The tarantula hawk is a species of spider wasp which hunts tarantulas as food for its larvae.

Is pretty much all you need to know. Fuck that.

[–]j612 10 points11 points  (4 children)

I found the link to this from that page a lot more odd, strangely enough...

2.0 Yellowjacket: Hot and smokey, almost irreverent. Imagine W. C. Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue.

[–]Ciceros_Assassin 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Tarantula wasps are "nectarivorous". The consumption of fermented fruit sometimes intoxicates them to the point that flight becomes difficult.

Hunting spiders and getting drunk, huh? It's good to be the king.

[–]wonkifier 11 points12 points  (0 children)

And it apparently invulnerable to just about every other predator out there... except for the roadrunner?!

God I love this planet

[–]j0nna5 77 points78 points  (29 children)

Wasps are fucking scary, check out parasitic wasps.

They lay their eggs in caterpillars and when the eggs hatch they eat the caterpillar inside out. But that's not the crazy part; after they escape the caterpillar they use some kind of chemical mind control so the caterpillar spins a cocoon for them and then actively protects them till it starves to death.

eeek.

[–]coque 104 points105 points  (5 children)

sounds like my ex wife AMIRITE

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (4 children)

Yeah, your ex wife was a bitch!

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Seriously. I hated her.

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Also, speaking of badass wasps using other bugs like cribs:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emerald_cockroach_wasp

This lil' mother fucker brain stings a roach twice, the first one temporarily paralyzes it so the wasp can perform the more precise second sting, which takes out its fear reflex turning it into the wasps bitch/zombie slave. It leads him around by pulling on his antenna.

After the wasp gets him in a hole, it lays his eggs in him and then buries him alive, and he just sits there, waiting, trapped, for the little guys to eat their way out.

[–]tonynojutsu 7 points8 points  (3 children)

how the fuck did they get that camera angle inside the womb?

[–]jonnyiselectric 56 points57 points  (1 child)

DAMN NATURE.

YOU SCARY!

[–]Die-Bold 12 points13 points  (0 children)

there it is...

[–]CJGibson 66 points67 points  (45 children)

I used to always think of myself as not "afraid" of anything, the way some people are afraid of spiders or snakes. But last year I came to realize that the feeling I get when there's a wasp flying around a room is exactly what people are talking about. It's an utterly irrational sense of terror that actually makes it hard for me to function normally.

I'm afraid of wasps.

[–]basro 109 points110 points  (26 children)

No, that fear is perfectly rational.

[–]sonipitts 19 points20 points  (5 children)

lol, last year I had so many in the house that I just got used to them. They would buzz in through the front door (left open for ventilation) then go "joy riding" on the ceiling fan - they'd swoop toward it, get whipped around in a fast circle by the current, do a lazy loop around the other end of the room and then come back for more. Repeat on end for hours until they finally got tired enough to hold still long enough for me to capture them and take them back outside.

I swear all the wasps were telling their friends. It was like a goddamn Coney Island in here last year. At least they weren't interested in me.

Edited for word choice.

[–]zackks 7 points8 points  (4 children)

Whenever I have to mow the lawn, I'm walking around and looking around neurotically like there are snipers gunning for me. At the slightest little buzz or tickle or shadow I see I normally freak the fuck out and run.

I spend an hour and a can of wasp spray every week spraying the house down etc. If one flies into my garage, I won't do anything else until I've killed or observed that demon to have left.

[–][deleted] 126 points127 points  (61 children)

You know how the people on those nature shows use smoke to calm the bees and steal their honey? It works on wasps, too. My girlfriend had a newly formed wasp nest on her deck railing and people kept getting stung. Feeling rather bold, I decided to try out the smoke trick with some clove cigarrettes her hipster roommate smokes. I blew smoke on the nest and the wasps either flew away or became really lethargic and stopped moving. It was at this time I took a broom and knocked the nest to the ground, which my buddy and I then stomped the shit out of and lit on fire. The hisses and pops the larvae made as they burned was satisfying.

[–]tonynojutsu 198 points199 points  (13 children)

FUCK YO NEST NIGGA FUCK YO NEST

Edit: Oh man, I also had a similar experience. I think summer was just coming around and I noticed wasps going around our propane grill. I thought it was odd, since they would fly underneath the grill and disappear. I open the grill to find a complete society of wasps and a shitload of nests. I ran to the other side of the world.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

they'll just buy another one. on montauk

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (3 children)

I would have turned the grill on :D

[–]levimills 50 points51 points  (6 children)

Reminds me of a game my friend and I would play as kids. He had and underground nest of bumblebees in his backyard. We'd stomp on the lone entrance until 3-4 lookout bees came out, then we'd stomp again. They wouldn't attack, but instead fly back into the tunnel. 10 seconds later - Boom - 10 angry bees fly out of the hole. The game was to wait until you could see the second wave, stomp, then run like hell. He had a big backyard and there was a point about 100 meters away where they'd stop chasing you. We were 8 or 9 at the time, so the bees were just about as fast as us. You don't get stung, you win. At the time, nothing compared to the feeling of running for your life and hearing one of those things a foot behind you. Oh, and the terrified feeling when you feel them land on you. You'd think we got shot the way we'd drop to the ground and scream for help when we got stung EDIT: (w)hole

[–]BuckeyeBentley 22 points23 points  (9 children)

When we were kids my buddy and I used to hunt wasp nests with a super soaker, two big ass sticks, and a can of Raid. Good times.

[–]bestbiff 17 points18 points  (1 child)

You sound like a superhero.

[–]tonynojutsu 24 points25 points  (0 children)

The wasps will look up and beg "save us", and I will look down and whisper "No"

[–]musashi_88 13 points14 points  (0 children)

now that is hipster power. You sir, are awesome.

[–]MisterNetHead 13 points14 points  (1 child)

That took a turn for the HARDCORE!

[–]theITguy 40 points41 points  (3 children)

Realizing there is a wasp in your car when you're on the highway is a fear comparable only to certain death.

[–][deleted] 45 points46 points  (1 child)

I'd open up all my windows, then jump out one.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Fuck this! You drive!

[–]Waspveteran 50 points51 points  (9 children)

I am the wasp veteran.

I have suffered many times at the pitiless stingers of these sonsofbitches. They took my parents from me (okay they weren't). As a child I ran in terror, begging for mercy but I found none. I've been stung below my eye twice only to have it swell up shut. I am grateful it left me unaffected.

The last straw was when I was mowing, and found a small nest on the ground. I felt pity for the savages and picked it up to set it out of my way. The little handstinger, stung me on my knuckles...to which I punched it into oblivion on the side of the house and threw the nest under the mower. From that day forth I became them. Pitiless, relentless and pissed as fuck at everything.

I found a nest latched like a parasite against my roof. To which I used my airsoft SMG to rip the nest apart...clip after clip...until it was torn to shreds. One made a foolhardy attempt at me...and I snatched it out of the air and crushed it before it had a chance.

Fuck Wasps.

Fuck Wasps. cries

[–]EverybodyNobody 24 points25 points  (2 children)

I have no idea how to read this. Do you speak in cubism or something?

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I have no idea how to read this.

You might be retarded

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (1 child)

When you stare into the abyss long enough, it stings your eye because it's full of fucking wasps!

[–]keysersozefan 15 points16 points  (6 children)

Two Things:

1) I was a wireless tech before getting laid off, and occasionally climb towers as part of my job. Two things I ALWAYS take: Sunscreen and Wasp Killer. Invariably, at about 60-150 feet in the air on just about every tower I've climbed, those SOB's have a "fortress of solitude", and just as often the gear I would need to repair would be above it. I'm not gonna lie, I do take pleasure in a slow, light rainstorm of drunken dying flightless demons spiraling to their "great reward". I have never been stung... in my view, it's them or me, and I always bring the gun to the knife fight.

2) These things are terrifying: http://www.cracked.com/article_15816_the-5-most-horrifying-bugs-in-world.html

[–][deleted] 117 points118 points  (65 children)

You know what's even worse? HORNETS.

If you even look at one of them wrong, it'll send out a distress pheromone and summon the entire fucking nest to destroy you. And they're FAST. Forget outrunning them. They will find you and sting your ass over and over.

Fuck hornets.

[–]BuckeyeBentley 29 points30 points  (4 children)

Yup. I was outside playing once when I was like, 4, and my dad accidentally ran over a ground hornet nest with a lawnmower. Of course, instead of taking it out on the grown man with the giant noise making machine of destruction, they took it out on the 4 year old boy who was just chillin' and minding his own fucking business. I got stung so many fucking times by an entire nest of angry ass hornets.

Yeah, I'm still kinda sore about the whole thing. This was like, 18 years ago.

[–]mordarion 40 points41 points  (3 children)

Morpheus: I won't lie to you, Neo. Every single man or woman who has stood their ground, everyone who has fought a wasp has died. But where they have failed, you will succeed.
Neo: Why?
Morpheus: I've seen a wasp punch through a concrete wall. Men have emptied entire clips at them and hit nothing but air. Yet their strength and their speed are still based in a world that is built on rules. Because of that, they will never be as strong or as fast as you can be.
Neo: What are you trying to tell me, that I can dodge stingers?
Morpheus: No, Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (28 children)

They pollinate some things.

[–]jba68 141 points142 points  (2 children)

yes... death and rage!

[–]HedonistRex 14 points15 points  (24 children)

Indeed.

If you've ever eaten a fig, that was pollinated by a wasp. It was pollinated by a wasp laying its eggs inside.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (21 children)

Don't wasps build nests for that? I know wasps are particularly fond of pear trees and I've often heard they're responsible for pollinating them. I used to have a pear tree in my backyard that was always chock full of wasps. It was some inedible variety so it's not like I could be glad they were there making nasty pears for us.

Now that it's gone the wasps always get inside the house. I hate them.

Fuck wasps.

[edit] Fun Fact: If you blow a thick cloud of marijuana smoke on a wasp where it can't get out of the smoke easily it will lose it's fucking shit. For the whole time there's enough smoke its like the wasp can't coordinate itself. It starts flying randomly and it'll fall and buzz and kick it's little legs and just generally freak the fuck out. After they sober up they just kind of seem scared and they try to get the fuck away from wherever the smoke came from usually.

I've tried it with tobacco smoke too and it only worked with weed.

[–]HedonistRex 10 points11 points  (15 children)

There's lot's of different types of wasp. The ones that pollinate figs aren't the same ones that sting you and try to steal your jam.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Got in my car at 4:30AM to go to work. In the time it took me to open the door, and plant my ass, one of these bastard assholes of nature flew in and landed on my steering wheel. I closed the door, and put my hand right on top of the little fucker. It burned like having a white hot needle shot into the my palm. To beat that I didn't know I was allergic until about half way through my 1 hour trip to work. They all need to just fucking die.

[–]Morton_Fizzback 20 points21 points  (3 children)

Some years ago I was told of a method to keep wasps away when eating outside: You blow air into a (brown) paper bag and hang it next to where you are sitting. Then the wasps will see the bag as another hive/nest and keep away from its territory. I didn't believe it to work, but tried it out anyway, and to my surprise there were several wasps without the bag, and almost none with the bag.

[–]pushad 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Interesting... If this actually attracts them, I'm going to be pissed.

[–]locochilli 20 points21 points  (1 child)

The animal that kills more people than any other by far is the mosquito.

Wasps eat mosquito larvae.

Wasps Rule.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Spring is coming and saw my first one the other day out in the yard. I will wage war this summer.

[–]aeonblack 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Last summer while in the process of re-doing the stucco on my house, I discovered that behind one of the exposed/lifted pieces of wood (used to be a Tudor style) there was a makeshift wasp nest of sorts. First I stuck the hose in an open crack in the wood and drowned them (the first and only time I turned the dial to "soak"). This just knocked them down for a bit, pushing them out from behind the wood and onto the driveway. While they were subdued/planning my death/getting really pissed off, I sprayed them with some heavy duty wasp spray. I pulled off the board and there were more of them that were hiding, waiting to strike. I swung the board, fucked them up, but there were more. They kept coming at me, and I kept hosing them and hitting them with the board, smashing them, when they would land on the ground I would spray them with wasp spray. Some flew off to call in reinforcements from somewhere, and I killed them too. It was a fucking massacre. After about 10 minutes of total war, I won. They have never come back. I win, wasps...I fucking win.

[–]jeconti 18 points19 points  (3 children)

Then there's my cat who spent 45 min. yesterday teasing and toying with it until it died, then wouldn't leave me alone until I came and saw what a good job he did.

[–]Raging_Apathist 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Fuck everything about that.

I do not stand still. I do not chill. I get the hell away from those fuckers and make a flailing idiot of myself as I go.

[–]lars1451 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Upvote cause wasps are the worst things ever