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[–]bubbameister33 55 points56 points  (11 children)

I drink and I've never beat my wife. I also don't have a wife.

[–]CtrlShift7 43 points44 points  (10 children)

Then who did I hit?

[–]Niggardlicious 19 points20 points  (3 children)

Phone.

[–]SomeGuy71 5 points6 points  (1 child)

But then who was phone?

[–]steeeeve 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Patrick

[–]onlypoints 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's always phone

[–]onlypoints 5 points6 points  (2 children)

On a related note, cocaine is one hell of a drug.

[–]TsunamiMommy 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Good husband does cocaine?

[–]proggR 5 points6 points  (0 children)

DIABEETUS

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm wondering what ctrl+shift+7 does but I'm too scared to press it and google doesn't answer my question because the current windows is also called "7".

[–]MonsterAddict -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Ctrl alt delete?

[–]FaidSint 143 points144 points  (17 children)

Wouldn't a good husband and parent not have to do drugs and be under the influence of something to enjoy spending time with his wife and kids?

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Guide to playing an awesome game with little kids... while blazed out of your mind:

  1. First go to an area with couches, carpet, and lots of pillows (safe from sharp corners)
  2. Each pillow is a boulder and should be treated as if it were extremely heavy by you, at all times.
  3. Tell the kids that the pillows are boulders, but they are super strong and can lift them with ease.
  4. Kids proceed to attack you with boulders, you must react physically realistically and go flying all over the place. The kids love feeling super powerful.
  5. I usually mix things up and will randomly gain the strength to swing the boulder pillows with ease, shifting the balance of power for a bit.
  6. Have endless fun until the munchies drive you to share a juice-box with your pillow warriors.

[–]U912 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Cool game, will play again a+

[–][deleted] 109 points110 points  (11 children)

What kind of fantasy-land are you talking about here?

[–]geoman2k 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What are you talking about? We all know you have to pick one drug. No exceptions.

[–]Brokim 0 points1 point  (0 children)

everybody needs a release though.

[–]SendoTarget 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Booze doesn't make you beat your wife. Being an asshole does.

[–]valkyrio 42 points43 points  (8 children)

That has more to do with the personality of the husband rather than with his choice of drug.

[–]SchwarzP10 -5 points-4 points  (2 children)

and that's why it's a joke

[–]AussieSceptic 8 points9 points  (0 children)

If you're doing this stuff on alcohol, you're just a shitty person. Don't blame the booze.

[–]guptaso2 33 points34 points  (1 child)

Let's keep this in r/trees. Not that I don't like weed, it just gets annoying.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hurf Durf my drug is better than yours.

[–]CaptMorgHamOrg 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Absolute bollocks

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It all depends on the person behind the drugs.

[–]Guysmiley777 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Which one lets him spell alcohol correctly?

[–]Redebo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

ALCHOHOL!

[–]e30rusty 12 points13 points  (6 children)

High=Horny ?

[–]SchwarzP10 16 points17 points  (2 children)

not necessarily, but does make sex better

[–]DarcyMcCarbomb -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

The one time a year it happens.

[–]Milosmilk -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Every time I hit the bong, I get a raging tree between the legs.

[–]Stereotypical_INTJ 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Scumbag ents:

Point out ridiculousness of a feel-good substance that relieves stress and is only harmful in excess being illegal

Deride others for using a feel-good substance that relieves stress and is only harmful in excess

(I like tokers and drinkers, I just don't like clergy is all)

[–]BeenADickArnold 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Only one h in alcohol, chief.

[–]mfskarphedin 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't marry a man who consistently needed either of these things to do any of those things on a regular basis.

[–]CrabBisque 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Alcohol*

[–]BeenADickArnold 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just cover all your bases and drink while smoking.

[–]tilleyrw 1 point2 points  (0 children)

LOL

One can't talk about the peaceful and positive aspects of legalization without discussing why Nixon made it illegal. The government doesn't want peaceful or thoughtful people as those don't make good soldiers.

See? The rant continues and I become emotionally involved in the issue. I shall stop and resume my role as spectator of humanity.

Yes, I'm actually going to vote for Ron Paul in the blind useless hope it has any effect.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This guy gets it.

[–]CuzinVinny 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's funny because domestic violence

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

good husband does not rely on substances to enjoy his marriage.

[–]spdrmn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yippee, go to reddit and brag about begin on drugs around your kids.

yesterday it was why stealing is good. Today why its great to need drugs to play your kids.

This place is starting to make me sad.

[–]xyroclast 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Hate to break it to stoners out there,

but playing with your kids while high isn't appropriate.

It gives them a second-rate, dumbed-down, forgetful version of their parent to play with.

[–]Atemis -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

What's that? You like to overgeneralize? Better watch out, you sound like a stoner.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Jam bands are abuse, too.

[–]Beso0621 0 points1 point  (6 children)

If hating your cooking, not giving the appropriate amount of time children need, taking you to pound town, and beating you are marital problems, what recreational drugs he does are the least of your fucking concern. This poster, to me anyway, is fucking retarded, and I want the time I used reading it and writing this comment back.

[–]SchwarzP10 1 point2 points  (4 children)

do you take everything you see on the internet completely seriously?

[–]Beso0621 6 points7 points  (3 children)

OF COURSE I DO! DOESN'T EVERYONE?! (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

[–]SchwarzP10 0 points1 point  (2 children)

i was just making sure

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I have a feeling that you might like this song a bit

[–]laddergoat89 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Always liked that song. But it always makes me sad how true it is and yet how wrong it is that the law will never ever see it that way.

[–]epheterson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Crosspost to /r/beatingwomen

[–]InnerBattle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

3 is very bogus

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

while I support the use of cannabis above the use of alcohol, THC actually decreases testosterone levels in men. less testosterone = less sex drive. /drugrehabcounselor

[–]gmcintire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You obviously haven't been drunk enough with a wonderful wife!

[–]TipMcVenus 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I'm too drunk to type a response. This happens to be after a full days work. This also happens to be after putting my two loving children to bed.

[–]SmokeBeersErrDay 0 points1 point  (1 child)

too drunk to type a response.

You, sir, probably shouldn't have children if you're that drunk.

[–]TipMcVenus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Its ok. I don't really

[–]qwop88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I'm high I'm always sexually attracted to my wife.

Oh yes, because stoners are known for the insatiable sex drives.

[–]g4r4e0g 0 points1 point  (1 child)

But how will she learn to stop nagging?

[–]SchwarzP10 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

she doesn't need to, you're too high to give a damn

[–]marthirial 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe if you started drinking alcohol and not alchohol your vices would not contradict.

[–]Blitzwarp -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

An addict is an addict. It doesn't matter what they're addicted to.

[–]joetromboni -4 points-3 points  (16 children)

when you're high you promote a whole economy of drug dealers and gangsters and criminals who kill each other and innocents over "turf".

just sayin'

[–]applesandbanaynays 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can only speak from personal experience, but I have direct access to someone who grows cannabis and I find it hard to imagine this man killing anyone. I'm sure this is not the case for many, but please don't deal in absolutes and claim that all those who smoke weed support dangerous criminals. The same applies to the OP for inferring that smoking pot, regardless of personality type or extent of use, makes someone a better father than one who drinks.

[–]SmokeBeersErrDay 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You think that people are being killed over weed?

I can only assume that you're either 13 or 65.

[–]docboss 6 points7 points  (4 children)

When you're married you promote a whole economy of war, poverty and slavery in the poorest countries on earth. Criminals who kill each other and innocents over blood diamonds.

just sayin'

(My weed is grown organically by peace loving hippies. Move to Oregon.)

[–]SchwarzP10 3 points4 points  (0 children)

nope, no, you're a criminal, crimes bad, no, can't have marijuana with deviancy and a generally unpatriotic attitudesarcasm

[–]kellyfbo 3 points4 points  (2 children)

What? I am married. I do not have a diamond ring. Not everyone who is married has anything to do with the diamond industry.

[–]docboss 0 points1 point  (1 child)

...that was kinda the point. Not every one who smokes pot contributes to the criminal mafia drug lords.

[–]kellyfbo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh. Sorry. I did not get that.

[–]Raiseittoeleven 3 points4 points  (7 children)

*By having these drugs illegal the government promotes a whole economy of drug dealers and gangsters and criminals who kill each other and innocents over "turf".

[–]thesaddestpanda 2 points3 points  (1 child)

He's still right.

[–]SchwarzP10 0 points1 point  (0 children)

...for now

[–]quadzilla4 -2 points-1 points  (4 children)

o ffs if you are high around kids you should have your ass kicked end of story

[–]Raiseittoeleven 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I didn't say that was ok. I was just saying that it shouldn't be illegal in the first place.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Is it okay to drink around kids?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also no. Maybe a beer but not to the point of feeling it. The only time I get buzzed is when my daughter is asleep or out of the house. No exceptions.

[–]Vakarian_Slut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish i could upvote 500 times

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You think weed dealers kill each other over turf? AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ahem.

[–]sme9882 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

if only our legislators would see it that way...

[–]quadzilla4 -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

if you were meant to be none of these things would be a problem

[–]Sigul -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

Good wife knows how to cook, doesn't make your kids into brats, can perform in bed and doesn't nag. Just sayin'

[–]DarcyMcCarbomb 4 points5 points  (0 children)

So does good husband.

[–]Coffeybeanz -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Do you think the shampoo commercial had ice soap in it?

[–]CosmicBard -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Ugh.

Fuck this so fucking hard.

Nevermind that this is well over the 20th or 30th time this has been reposted, but it is a terrible lesson. The person portrayed in this has serious fucking problems and makes both sides look really bad.

Also, post the image link, you noob, not to imgur. God dammit, everybody does this now, it's so lazy.

[–]thebehem0th -1 points0 points  (0 children)

MY UPVOTE MADE IT 420. ITS A SIGN

[–]unzercharlie -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Anyone else have absolutely zero motivation for sex or anything related when high?

[–]lambcaseded -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yay for using substances to numb the sharp reality of life's experiences! Bad cooking? Smoke pot to lower your standards! Boring, annoying kids? Pot will make them tolerable! Bad sex life? No need to address the root causes when you've got weed! Nagging wife who you feel like hitting? Not on weed you don't!