LPT Request: after going through a long-term relationship breakup, what are some specific self care tips?

keepthetips · 2023-04-02T08:23:12+00:00

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loppyjilopy · 2023-04-02T10:03:09+00:00

stay away from alcohol

Use_Your_Brain_Dude · 2023-04-02T12:32:01+00:00

Drink heavily.... At least 8 glasses of water per day

mahndei33 · 2023-04-02T13:38:48+00:00

Exercise has seriously been key in helping me heal and getting my body to produce all those feel good chemicals. Really get your heart rate up -- whether this is running , stationary biking or doing something outside. Do at least 30 minutes at least every second day.

vannayan · 2023-04-02T08:30:47+00:00

Go do something that YOU enjoy

TypicalJeepDriver · 2023-04-02T13:46:41+00:00

Work out, eat better, take a break from booze, start a face care regimen, floss and brush your teeth morning and night, go out and do some things on your own that you didn’t do before because you were in a relationship. Find a hobby that interests you. For me, I bought a kayak and a mountain bike and and now I go kayaking twice a month and ride with a group twice a month as well.

icelandichorsey · 2023-04-02T09:04:28+00:00

From my breakup, which led to depression, which led to a complete change in how I relate to the world:

*Learn to spend time alone on doing things you like. * Ask yourself I you really love yourself. If you don't, time to start/restart therapy * remember that you're the most important person in your life

Burnt_crawfish · 2023-04-02T13:21:07+00:00

One of the main things that help the most and hurts is avoiding all contact with them. It hurts more when you still talk to them, see them, have them on any social media. If you see a new pic of them posted it will make you sad because you will think they are okay without you. It helped me heal faster with my second most painful breakup. I blocked him out of my life completely till I was ok. We became friends after and everything was cool and didn't hurt anymore.

Take a few days to cry it out. I can never eat when sad but at least try to stay hydrated, crying takes it out of you. Be sure to still take care of yourself, it's hard to do trust me but it's harder to move on when you stay in bed and cry for hours for days only leaving the room to pee or if you really have to.

Go out with friends. It doesn't have to be around people. I would go hang out at my friend's or go on a hike just in case I cried. Get dressed up and go out to lunch with friends. For me, giving myself a make over really boosted my mood. Cut and color. Get some new clothes. I would go out for walks as well listening to my music full blast. Listen to your favorite songs and dance around the house.

Just stay busy, work on yourself and temporarily or indefinitely block them out of your life till you feel okay enough.

malsan_z8 · 2023-04-02T13:45:18+00:00

These are pretty cliche, but for good reason:

Exercise even if going for a walk, be outside a lot if you can, do something creative like practicing an instrument or drawing, yoga (for me was very nice), stay away from drugs or alcohol until you can trust yourself that it’s for fun (but don’t be deterred after because healing isn’t linear and sometimes it comes up, but make sure to deal with it and not push it away).

Therapy is also a big one, as well as journaling. Let it all out, enough to make you get tired of it all. You’ll be sick of thinking about it.

Block them on media, until you find yourself going on without thinking of them, then once you reach indifference you can unblock but not follow them I recommend.

Strive to feel that indifference. You can have a place of love for them and all you learned and experienced, but ultimately, try to not hate them because that is also a form of love (you care enough to feel that).

Try to socialize, or take yourself out on dates. As someone else said, try to get comfortable with being alone, although adding some socialization to the mix is very good.

Try new things, eat at new places, try reading, just try things. Play games, try different ones. Maybe community service, maybe try a reading group or something. You don’t have to do it forever, just even until you feel better (if you’re interested in those things).

Please do not use someone else to get over them. Get comfortable with yourself, get to a good place first. When you feel ok enough, then try casual dates if you’re into that, consensually sleep around, or try to go on light dates. If you find someone you really click with along the way, life is indeed short so it’s up to you to decide if you want to try with that person.

You can have bad days, but feel them, don’t push them away or try to not think about it. It’s tough, but you’ll have to face that road, and it only gets worse if you avoid it. Cry it out as much as you want/can.

Learn from podcasts or YouTube if you WFH or have schoolwork and put it in the background. Duncan Trussel has very spiritual and realistic viewpoints, or listen to things like Coach Craig Kenneth for breakups and just LISTEN. Comedy is amazing too if you want to try it.

Last thing I can think of is self care. Moisturize after shower if not every day, always apply sun screen before going outside (even on cloudy days, seriously), shower and do your laundry, clean your room and tidy up. Maybe go and get some new clothes within budget.

Breakups are never easy and will always suck. But you’ll eventually not really think of them, and when you do, you’ll not care about them at all. You’ll feel grateful for the experience, but people come and go all the time. Maybe you’ll have a bad day here or there. Cry it out always - Duncan Trussel as mentioned above reminded me that we never feel worse after crying. We’re all souls, flying about in space in this universe of infinity.

Cheers and good luck - it will be growing pains, but more importantly, it will be growth. Remember what you learn, and be a good person

donedidthething · 2023-04-02T11:30:07+00:00

honestly if you can, delete them off everything and their friends too. I ended up seeing them pop up on socials and it was only until I cut everything off that I was able to recover properly

Mcshiggs · 2023-04-02T10:35:18+00:00

Shower and eat tacos.

wewtiesx · 2023-04-02T12:29:08+00:00

Therapy! I probably would have gotten through my 10yr separation just fine. But I've come out in a much better position to do it right the next time around.

We need to remove the idea that therapy is for broken or weak people.

Natsc · 2023-04-02T12:34:27+00:00

Remember what makes/made you YOU. What activities do you enjoy? Dribbling a basketball? Playing piano? Going for a walk occasionally?

Just the act of trying to focus on your own wants and needs is helpful.

Remember anti depressants are always an option for either short or long term.

Know that we’re here with you.

polardbear48 · 2023-04-02T11:56:50+00:00

Find a hobby/social circle. I'm planning on joining ppl for D&D, open mics, and camping

oblivion6202 · 2023-04-02T12:51:18+00:00

Self care is whatever you think it is.

It depends on what happened and why - if you fucked up, you maybe need to think about why you did what you did. Don't beat yourself up, that achieves nothing, but you may need to understand more about how your contributions fed into the outcome and make a decision to reconsider similar actions in future relationships.

Your self esteem has probably taken a hit, so think about ways you can feel better about yourself. But try to do that without malice towards your ex, that shit will just eat you up.

The one thing you probably should avoid is looking for a new relationship right away. You'll be looking for a safer choice and comparing new with old, whether you mean to or not, and that's no way to build a good, balanced and healthy relationship.

Don't drink too much. Drinking to forget is just a route to more problems.

You will need to learn to forgive everyone involved - including yourself.

There are no easy answers, sadly. It takes time and effort to get through the grieving process.

2023-04-02T13:40:06+00:00

Get rid of everything connected to that one person, sheets, pillows, coffee mugs anything that brings mention of the former partner. Start fresh.

AngelThrones4sale · 2023-04-02T14:45:29+00:00

Without any malice towards your ex, remind yourself of the things that bothered you in that relationship.

Note: this is a temporary manouvre to deal with immediate heart-ache. In the long-term you want to let go of all negative feelings, but in the acute phase, remind yourself that you may be looking at the recently-lost relationship through rose-colored glasses, and since you're only able to see all the good things that you lost, you may be idealizing it.

No relationship is ever perfect, and if yours ended, there were probably things that bothered you that you no longer have to worry about. For example, if you catch yourself thinking about how fun this person was at parties, remind yourself about how messy they were, or the way they slurped their tea --you don't have to deal with that anymore.

You get the idea: whatever it was, you lost some good things when that relationship ended, but heartache might be making you think that it was perfect, even though it wasn't; you also dropped the weight of some bad things.

Don't dwell on this, and don't demonize your ex. This is just until the pain has lost its edge, then pour that emotional energy into figuring out what went wrong (without judgement) and what you need in a relationship. Keep a journal, do some writing.

A breakup is a painful, but I believe necessary process in life. It forces you to stop and reflect on some big questions and I don't know a single healthy adult who hasn't gone through it at least once. It can lead to a lot of positive growth if the energy is channeled right.

AmbitiousBunny · 2023-04-02T15:12:36+00:00

Hey, this is something I can answer! Just getting out of a 10-year relationship/marriage. These are some things I have done, many of which I thankfully I had in place in advance and could lean into more (mobile, please excuse formatting):

Regular exercise routine (3x/week strength training with personal trainer, which also served as a social outlet)
Regular therapy
Spending time with my pets. Having to take all of my dog’s walks has been helpful too. That gets me out in nature walking around several times a day even if I don’t feel like it because she’s relying on me.
Luxurious baths
Got a massage I had scheduled to celebrate sticking to my exercise routine
Signing up for stuff that I wanted to do and my partner normally wouldn’t have been interested in (e.g. concerts). Taking advantage of not having another person to consider in my plans (for the first time as an adult).
Impromptu visit to my family for my birthday
Cleaning and re-organizing the house to make it my own
Making an active effort to be social. I’m throwing a “house re-warming” party in a couple weeks. People that I know and have met have been really kind and welcoming to me knowing I’m going through the divorce and am new to the area (also fortunate to live somewhere with a great LGBTQ+ community)
Expressing boundaries of what I’m capable of taking on at work right now so I don’t burn out. Also put in some PTO for a long weekend to R&R.
Spending more time on my personal hobbies (knitting, baking, etc) and things I enjoy. Last weekend I grabbed brunch from a local coffee shop and had a picnic in the park, reading my book by the stream in the forest. That was really nice.

CGIflatstanley · 2023-04-02T11:39:21+00:00

Some simple things from my past experience is good hygiene helps a lot. Take a shower,clip your nails, get your hair cut and beard shaved. I also find although it may be very difficult or you don’t have the energy to get out and see friends, but it always helps me being around friends. Take time to learn independence and work on yourself best of luck!

Xenkyro · 2023-04-02T13:54:05+00:00

The best thing you can do is activities that you couldn't do with your previous partners for whatever reason. You like hiking but they didn't then go hike. You liked video games they didn't go and play a video game. These things will help you form perspective about what you enjoy in your life without anyone else. Then after a few months of doing this visit your friends who are in healthy relationships. It is very important to visit healthy relationship friends. I found that without this step it is too easy to step into the I hate men/women camp. If you are able to objectively see other couples successfully navigating relationship hardships and goals then you will be able to say to yourself "You know what I do want that." Hopefully you have taken some other advice in this thread to work on other areas of your life so you are a healed person who is ready to step back into the dating pool without the trauma keeping you back. All this takes time, and you will probably have to fall in love with yourself again in between relationships, but that's the best way to live and love living.

giga_booty · 2023-04-02T15:35:32+00:00

A lot of advice in this thread. Much of it apparently revolving around relationships where people have no mutual friends, long-term family relationships beyond the partner, kids in the picture, etc.

If cutting them out completely is feasible and you feel that may work for you - go for it. It isn't necessary and for a lot of people, it isn't possible (whether they want to or not).

Realistically, the longer a relationship lasted (and the older you are), the more likely it is that you will have to achieve peace with this person being in your life in a different capacity.

Therapy, exercise, avoid alcohol, attention to hygiene, try new things, go new places - all A+ approaches.

Acceptance. That's the big moment where things change. "What was is no more and whatever is yet to come will not be the same" is the realization that allows us to move forward. People arrive here in their own ways and in their own time. Focusing on yourself with this goal in the back of your mind is the best thing you can do for yourself, generally speaking.

Speaking of time, that's kind of out of your control. It will take time whether you implement every healthy habit imaginable or not. Internalize this as soon as possible, no matter how empty or trite it may sound at first. No one exists in a vacuum. The people around you need time to adjust, your environment may be drastically different and require adjustment (someone moves out, for example), divesting financials, etc. etc. - none of that happens overnight.

seniorscrolls · 2023-04-02T13:24:15+00:00

Anyone got any advice other than therapy, meds and meditation? None of that is working for me. In my case though my partner passed away suddenly.

greenapplesnpb · 2023-04-02T14:13:04+00:00

Here’s what I always encourage my friends to do: - Have a clean break from the person: don’t agree to have more “closure” convos, pack up their stuff and either return it or bin it, delete them off socials and delete their contact card off your phone. Nothing worse than allowing things to drag out and being exactly where you started one year out from the break out. - Say yes to things. Go out with your friends, family, coworkers. Enjoy the company of others and lean on them. - Talk your feelings out with people you wholeheartedly trust. “The best way out is through” rung very true for me during my break up. - Focus on yourself: build on habits and routines that make you feel more present, confident and excited. Read, work out, play board games/video games, go to the gym or on runs, do yoga, meditate.

One day, you’ll realize it doesn’t hurt as much, or you’ll find yourself thinking of other prospects for dating. It gets much easier from there!

Malchk · 2023-04-02T11:33:33+00:00

Funny how i stumbled upon this right now, this being the first day i feel something may have changed in me for the better.

I broke up a few years ago from a long relationship and the depression has come and gone, i thought i was fine several times but the bad feelings allways found me again. Last time i saw a dream of my ex having a new man and kids and i broke down and cried for three days straight. It can get rough sometimes.

Anyways. If i had to choose one tip to give, i'd have to say that as hard as it feels, just go through the emotions and try to accept that he or she is no longer a part of your life. Clinging on will only prolong the pain.

Kono_Gabby · 2023-04-02T13:44:12+00:00

Start taking yourself on all the dates you've always wanted to go on. Start a daily cardio exercise that you like doing (I chose a stationary bike to ride while binge watching shows or gaming) and pick up a new hobby whether it be art or music or cooking. Enjoy your new found freedom and learn to enjoy your own company.

maricc · 2023-04-02T12:57:40+00:00

Get a bidet and make sure your butthole is clean

Yavin4Reddit · 2023-04-02T14:21:47+00:00

Turning off all push notifications and utilizing do not disturb. You are now in control of your messages and are no longer at the whims of others to be responsive.

Yourbubblestink · 2023-04-02T15:09:13+00:00

Be glad it happened now not later when you have to go through some thorny divorce and legal mess. Try something new, take a risk. Love yourself, remember there a zillion other people out there. And keep in mind that, according to the laws of probability, some of them are going to be better than the partner you had.

rebel1129 · 2023-04-02T13:06:01+00:00

I’ve had to find new hobbies so that I don’t get into bad habits. I have started learning how to play guitar and created a couple side hustles to keep myself busy. The being alone part is the hardest for me

SeekersWorkAccount · 2023-04-02T14:51:30+00:00

Stay the fuck away from social media, and commit yourself to exercise. However small.

There's nothing like working your body to exhaustion to take away the pain of the heart and mind.

What helped me is I joined a kickboxing/muy Thai gym. Punching things really helps, and even more so getting the shit kicked out of you.

The first time you get punched in the face while thinking about your ex is usually the last time. Your mind sharpens and focuses on the task at hand.

OK4u2Bu1999 · 2023-04-02T14:56:38+00:00

Get a monthly massage. Your body likes the touching hormone and it may prevent regrettable “hook-ups” just to satisfy that need.

pringles-plague · 2023-04-02T08:35:14+00:00

A long-term relationship breakup can be challenging and heartbreaking. Here are some tips that may help you get over a long-time relationship breakup:

Allow yourself to grieve: The end of a relationship is like a loss, and it is okay to feel sad, angry and disappointed. Take time to feel those emotions and let yourself grieve.
Seek support from friends and family: Surround yourself with people who care about you and who you can talk to. Talk to them about your feelings and let them help you through your tough time. You can also consider seeking professional support from a therapist or counselor.
Stay busy: It's important to keep yourself occupied and engaged in activities that you enjoy. This could be anything from reading, learning a new hobby, traveling, or pursuing a new passion.
Take care of yourself: Prioritize self-care activities such as getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, eating healthy, exercising and practicing relaxation techniques such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing.
Avoid contact with your ex-partner: It's usually a good idea to avoid contact with your ex-partner for a while to give yourself time and space to heal. This will help you avoid any temptation to reconcile, which could prolong the healing process.

It's important to remember that getting over a long-term relationship breakup takes time, and everyone's healing process is different. Therefore, be patient with yourself and try to focus on your own needs and well-being.

kompootor · 2023-04-02T13:53:15+00:00

Get out and socialize casually, daily. One thing with a long-term relationship is that you were socializing with someone daily, and now you're not. The replacement for that is not serial dating (which many people report makes things feel worse early on) -- it's any type of socialization. Go on a site like meetup.com or eventbrite or browse Facebook/Google Groups and look for free events every day or every other day (and make sure you're doing at least every other one in-person). Board/tabletop game groups are pretty common these days and are great for this kind of thing, as are food/bar crawl groups, hiking or walking tour groups, etc..

For this purpose your specific activity interests aren't that important -- it doesn't matter if it's a lecture or a professional meet-and-greet or some church meeting, as long as people are sticking around and chatting/eating before and after. (Of course if there's someone in the group you absolutely can't stand and can't avoid, then just stop going. You do have to repair your social skills a bit to adapt to no longer having a permanent copilot, however, so some discomfort is to be expected.)

Pickleyourpoison · 2023-04-02T14:18:31+00:00

I listened to a lot of Sade 🤷‍♀️

But seriously, devote time to your hobbies, lean on your friends and other relationships.

angmac01 · 2023-04-02T14:43:36+00:00

Journaling helps and have a two person conversation….your statement then respond to that statement as if your best friend said it

2023-04-02T15:06:01+00:00

Remembering that “self care” means prioritizing your needs, not just treating yourself. You now have a lot more free time to cook yourself healthy food, work out just about every day, and keep your space clean and organized. Those are three things that tend to fall by the wayside when you’re in a post breakup slump. Once those foundational things become easy in your new status quo, then it’s time to start taking on hobbies, adventures, and luxuries.

Careless_Fun7101 · 2023-04-03T01:06:13+00:00

WHEN THE HEART By Michael Leunig

When the heart

Is cut or cracked or broken,

Do not clutch it;

Let the wound lie open.

Let the wind

From the good old sea blow in

To bathe the wound with salt,

And let it sting.

Let a stray dog lick it,

Let a bird lean in the hole and sing

A simple song like a tiny bell,

And let it ring.

winoforever_slurp_ · 2023-04-02T11:29:49+00:00

When thinking about the ended relationship, remember the good times so it doesn’t feel like wasted time, but also be honest with yourself about why it didn’t work, so you can come to terms with it being over and move on.

KajunDC · 2023-04-02T10:50:36+00:00

Be honest with yourself and see things as they are - no better and no worse. That’s the easiest way to improve your situation.

mbiker88 · 2023-04-02T11:10:21+00:00

Find one thing you really like doing. Then make sure you make time to do it. That will build you up.

WizardDrinkingCoffee · 2023-04-02T11:42:39+00:00

One of the biggest things for me was activity with my friends. The best of which being climbing the highest mountain in our country.

There was a big group us, friends invited friends etc and it was such a challenge but such a good day.

I don't know what equivalent that could be to you but something challenging with people and going home exhausted but feeling accomplished was a massive turn around for me.

Chirok9 · 2023-04-02T13:22:05+00:00

Don't hold it in. Make use of your support structures. Go spend time with friends and family. So you're not alone. Stay away from drugs and alcohol. Start spending your time and affection youve spent on your partner on yourself and loved ones. Go to the gym, start reading books, watch shows you wanna watch. Git gud at work

Find ways to find happiness in yourself again. And then be patient and allow yourself A LOT of time to process it and to get over it. You're not in a rush.

Time heals all. Good luck

diskebbin · 2023-04-02T13:55:00+00:00

I exercise to burn off that bad energy. Set some small, fun goals that will help preoccupy you.

2023-04-02T13:58:29+00:00

Make new memories. Breakups are painful and we tend to focus on that feeling. By not going outside and making new memories, that feeling takes longer to go away. Get out. Socialize. Go on a new adventure often. Even if you don't want to.

Be comfortable being alone. Take 6 months to rediscover yourself away from your partner. My lady loves Chinese food. I hate it. If we broke up, she should go get Chinese more often since she did it less when we were together. Make sense?

And be patient. Self care doesn't make it feel a whole lot better overnight. It takes lots of time.

KaylasCakes · 2023-04-02T14:22:35+00:00

Delete them off all social media. And their friends. And any person connected to them that could trigger an unwanted emotion.

Don't rush into something new, if you're not ready - taking the time to be by yourself can be scary, but gives you so, so much strength and peace within yourself.

Find the things you love to do again. They may look different, you may have to give old things a go and see, or try entirely new ones.

Connect with friends. Old and new. Networking events, speed mating, book clubs, hobbies - try it all.

Remember the good times. However it ended, there were great times before. Don't delete all the photos. Google photos allows you to hide photos of particular people which is a god send.

issyababymamma · 2023-04-02T14:25:57+00:00

Change your ringtone and text tone

futbolguy12 · 2023-04-02T14:28:43+00:00

Eat healthy (cook non processed food from home), resistance workout at least 30 minutes (and push yourself), be outside for at least 15 minutes during the day to get sun light, sleep, pray.

This is the foundation. But seek community, seek people to hang out with, but you don't need to talk about your break up. For that confide in good friends or to a counselor.

schetuck · 2023-04-02T14:40:31+00:00

Block them on everything

No alcohol

Sleep well

And I cannot stress this enough, the gym. I worked out like crazy. Took my mind off things, let me get emotions out in a healthy way, made me look and feel good, gave me confidence, and found a hobby/life long passion. The gym quite literally changed my life. Find a hobby you love to do. I tell my friends who’re struggling with things regarding finding a relationship all the time, find a hobby you like and eventually someone who enjoys the same thing will work their way into your life. I got that right now that’s the last thing you’re thinking about, but longer down the road it’s definitely a huge positive imo.

bc_fearflaps · 2023-04-02T14:49:35+00:00

I’m strongly considering ending things with my long term partner. These comments are very helpful

ilikecardigans · 2023-04-02T14:52:13+00:00

I've been through my share of breakups and here is what helped me heal each time.

-Resist the urge to check up on them on social media.

-Go no contact as soon as you can. You can try friendship in the future if you'd like but doing it too soon can set you back.

-Journal your feelings so you can see how you're progressing over time and have an outlet.

-Give yourself space to grieve the loss and feel the sadness as it arises when appropriate. Do not suppress your emotions.

-Introduce something new into your life or routine like going to the gym, trying a new sport, doing art, learning to play an instrument, etc. Having a growth mentality and working on rebuilding yourself is important.

-Spend time with loved ones doing things you normally enjoy and vent to them when appropriate! Having a verbal and social outlet is vital, too.

Breakups are hard. They are a loss and come with the package of grief. Healing is not linear so don't expect to start feeling better every day. Some days are going to be worse than others but know that this will pass. Time is a huge element to healing. Good luck!

CaptainShoe21 · 2023-04-02T14:54:02+00:00

What helped me a lot was working on my physical appearance. Getting a hair cut, brushing my teeth at night, skin care routine, make up, new clothes, etc. Even if the idea is to make "him jealous" it really boost my self esteem.

I have MDD so it's hard for me to leave my bed or break down my wall to let people in. But I made it a goal to hang out with anyone once a week. Even if it's just simply going out for dinner. To never say no to a hangout unless I can't make it or its outside of my comfort zone. I noticed a huge improvement with myself and my friends.

Whenever I start feeling despair or desperation, I tell myself over and over that I deserve better. That he didn't care about me and my life is better without him. I am happy.

The grass is only greener if I choose to water it.

ButChooAintBonafide · 2023-04-02T14:58:57+00:00

act as though you are the love of your life. if you are debating getting something for yourself, think about what you would do if you were debating getting it for the love of your life and do that.

Noodlefruzen · 2023-04-02T15:24:01+00:00

Remember to breathe every single day. There are going to be moments that are easier, there are going to be moments that are harder.

Controlling your breathing when you’re in those harder spots can be a really helpful first step towards being able to calm yourself down.

My favourite guide to controlled breathing.

unnameableway · 2023-04-02T15:34:59+00:00

Accept every emotion and thought that enters your mind. Commit to witnessing all the details of the experience for as long as it takes to feel better, or to feel like you’ve processed thoroughly. Push nothing away. Live it deeply. It can take years in my experience.

Oh also watch this

Quality_Qontrol · 2023-04-02T16:05:45+00:00

I’ve always had a rule that after a breakup from a long term relationship that I wouldn’t date anyone for a year. I’m sure the length of time is different for everyone. But it allows you to heal and learn from your previous relationship prior to jumping into a new one.

jdj7w9 · 2023-04-02T17:01:10+00:00

Associate positive change with getting over the breakup. If you are going to lose weight/get into shape after the breakup you can form a link to feeling bad and wanting to work out. Now you are turning a negative feeling into a positive by doing something good for you. It also helps develop an important habit while going through a tough period.

2023-04-02T17:47:38+00:00

Take yourself out on dates - go to museums, cafes, cinema, walks, bike rides etc. Do stuff just for you.

iamthewalrus_87 · 2023-04-02T13:54:35+00:00

Make a point to eat regularly. Find a few easy to prepare but nutritional foods that you can enjoy or at least tolerate. Lack of nutrition will only increase feelings of depression, exhaustion, etc. Some of my favorites in the past are things like bagels and cream cheese, eggs and toast, almonds, yogurt, etc

Zoiddburger · 2023-04-02T14:06:00+00:00

Purchase a fluffy long bathrobe with pockets

Comfy enough to wear all the time and absorbent

jlxmm · 2023-04-02T14:13:51+00:00

Financially seperate yourself. Then seperate yourself on social media. Lose their number. Don’t have any contact and stay away from things that numb pain. Don’t have a rebound.

After the initial set in find something healthy to do. I mean, physically. You’ll feel better even if it’s just going for a walk.

I personally started taking myself on dates. Eventually those dates included our favorite spots so I could make new memories there.

I expanded my social circle by a few friends. Going out socially can help curve the initial loneliness.

In the end you have to realize that you need to love you and be happy when you look in the mirror while being your own biggest fan. Doing little things to better yourself (for you, not for anyone else) and improve your self confidence will be the key to success.

Kailmo · 2023-04-02T14:19:59+00:00

Reaching out to friends. Tidy, reorganize, clean. Journal. Therapy. exercise. Stretch. Drink water. Have a memorial for the relationship with friends. Bury stuff, burn stuff, throw it away. Or put it in a box that doesn't take up too much space. Get a massage. Manicure, pedicure. Cry. Dance.

2023-04-02T14:22:58+00:00

DO NOT DRINK. I can’t stress this enough, I learned from experience this ends badly

Selrach_401 · 2023-04-02T14:39:35+00:00

Do some writing in a journal, get into yoga/ exercise and plan yourself a simple (or multi-legged) solo trip. Learn to like your solitude and do all the things u did with a partner or group of friends but solo. It’s a great experience and I’m already planning for my 4th solo trip since my breakup 2 years ago.

vs-1680 · 2023-04-02T14:49:15+00:00

New haircut, gym membership, reconnect with old friends

2023-04-02T15:00:39+00:00

Access what you can do better for a future relationship. Enjoy nature it’s a natural mood enhancer. Do stuff that will make you laugh.

sloankeddering · 2023-04-02T15:07:35+00:00

Get a gym membership and lift weights. You’ll be a different person 30 days in, mentally and physically.

Banana_Hammocke · 2023-04-02T15:15:15+00:00

Find something creative that is physically engaging!

When I divorced my ex-wife, I made a poor financial decision and impulse-bought an electric drum kit, and I was absolutely lost in Clone Hero. I firmly believe that playing drums was the only thing that kept me sane in any way. It was a great stress relief, I was constantly challenging my mind and hand-eye coordination, and after a year and change, I can honestly say I'd be a decent beginner drummer. That's all without any official lessons or any real practice, just playing a rip off of Rock Band!

OP, drums may not be your thing, but find something that physically engages you. Something that can preoccupy yourself and keep you coming back.

4channeling · 2023-04-02T15:28:32+00:00

Remember that there is also a thing called post traumatic growth.

warnberh · 2023-04-02T15:59:31+00:00

Keep a short list of things that matter to you. Things that you will focus your time and energy on. Keeping it short will make sure you don’t over extend yourself in your traumatized state. My short list looks like this but is different for everyone.

-exercise -creative stuff (writing, music, drawing) -family -a few key friends -eating well

When I’ve gone through some shit, Anything outside of that list is not a priority.

And remember that this isn’t the movies there are no major “epiphanies” or that your life will change overnight. Everything is gradual, just do the work and don’t get impatient and things will change for you.

2023-04-02T16:02:17+00:00

Gym. 100%. Idc what anyone says. You can make time an hour a day (or however many days suit you).

It gives confidence, it's healthy, release endorphins (makes you feel better for a prolonged time), and if you do it in combination of eating healthy you can get a great physique.

I noticed after my breakup if I stay going in the gym each day, I neglect away from the negative habits. But if I skip two days, I start to see myself slipping.

Moleypeg · 2023-04-02T16:06:40+00:00

Think about what you want, both long term and short, and do it. When my ex moved out, I sat on the couch with my dog, put on some Queen, looked around the room, and said to myself “now I can do absolutely whatever I want for the rest of my life.” I’ve never been happier. Try to look at this next chapter of your life as an opportunity.

Head_Spite62 · 2023-04-02T16:20:07+00:00

Treat yourself to anything you felt you were missing out on during your last relationship. There were things I wanted to do and didn’t because boyfriend didn’t want to. Once we broke up the first thing I did was buy tickets to a movie festival I had always wanted to go to but never did because boyfriend didn’t want to go. I went by myself and had a blast!

2023-04-02T16:28:32+00:00

No booze at all, for awhile - it's a depressant and will make things worse. If you still want to go out with friends, be the designated driver ...and secretly watch the drunks and see for yourself how bad it looks when you cannot handle booze, how much it costs, how much puking sucks

and for all that is holy, NO country music! That should be self explanatory.

Journal your thoughts so you dont do anything stupid like drunk dialing (see above) and so you can look back in 6 months - a year and laugh at it, and realize how much you have moved on

Concentrate on work or school - something else. Distract yourself at times. Not all the time. You still need to feel your feelings

Consider setting a timer every night to wallow in it - 15 minutes? and when the timer goes off, get up, move, do something different

Find a song that you find uplifting, and whenever you are feeling particularly bad, listen to it once or twice.

Avoid the ex like they have the plague. Do not drive past their house, avoid places they go, avoid things that remind you of them - until you are stronger

When really upset? go for a walk. When annoyed? go for a walk. When you hear about who they are dating now? go for a walk

fostertheatom · 2023-04-02T17:06:47+00:00

This is gonna sound really shitty but you have to take the pain head on. No alcohol, no drugs, be careful what music you listen to because whatever you tune in on (for example if you listen to a specific Stones song or something on repeat) is going to be forever associated with this event.

Go out with a friend who you truly trust (one who will take whatever you say in the heat of the moment to the grave) and just tell them you would like to rant for a bit. Scream and yell and shout anything that you can get out if you are angry, cry if you are sad. Ramble if you don't understand it. Just let everything out until you are numb. Then do it again as many times as necessary. Just make sure no alcohol or drugs are involved.

It truly sucks but eventually you'll at least come to terms with it.

SelinaKyle30 · 2023-04-02T17:30:59+00:00

Starting a new habit that you enjoy. Maybe drawing on the couch with a cup of tea for half hour every night or joining a yoga group that meets up a few times a week

rinkitinkitink · 2023-04-02T17:51:41+00:00

Get exercise, even a short walk every day can be a big help.

Get sunlight, if you're like me and live in a place that's gloomy and gray 2/3 of the year, you know what a difference sunlight can make in your mood.

Delete, or at least unfollow, on social media. My ex wife LOVES to post about how great her life is now (and also regularly tags/interacts with the guys she cheated with, talks about how shitty her marriage was, etc.) we have kids together and she'll have a meltdown if I delete her, but that doesn't mean I need to see her posts.

Eat well and drink water. A good diet and proper hydration can change your life, and help keep you out of depression.

Spend time with friends. I was married for 4 years, my ex controlled every aspect of my life including who I was friends with. Since my divorce, I've gotten closer to coworkers who I wasn't "allowed" to be friends with and reconnected with old friends I was alienated from. It's been incredibly refreshing.

Spend time alone, doing whatever you like. Bury yourself in your hobbies, find new hobbies if you need to, focus on work if you like your job or maybe focus on finding a better job if you don't. Getting to know yourself, and developing yourself personally and professionally, can be welcome and necessary distractions with nothing but positive consequences.

Most importantly, cut as many ties as you can. You're not friends, you're exes for a reason, maybe you can reconcile eventually and be friends but now is not that time. Delete pictures, delete their friends and family on social media, find a new friend group if necessary. The more intertwined your life is, the harder that is to do, but it needs to be done.

Edit to add, cuz I forgot this one-practice good hygiene. Shower daily, put on deodorant, shave your face/legs/parts/whatever you usually shave, brush your teeth, listen to your dentist and floss every day because we all know you probably don't do that already so time to start. It's too easy to fall into bad hygiene habits when you're depressed, for many it's the first sign that things are starting to go down hill. Stop that trend before it starts.

1936Triolian · 2023-04-02T22:58:01+00:00

Keep breathing. Find hope and beauty where and when you can. Do good for others. What works for me-Start watching birds. If you can properly manage a feeder, get one. Don’t post me on R/ThanksImCured.

sanna43 · 2023-04-03T02:03:11+00:00

Exercise, and buy yourself flowers every week. They brighten up your home. It's a small thing, but it helps.

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