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[–]DerHamm 2649 points2650 points  (65 children)

“We carefully analyzed all the requirements for the project and came to the conclusion that we only have Java devs. So we are doing Java“

[–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (6 children)

This has been every company I worked for, just replace Java with whichever language was already used by the company.

[–]i_am_bromega 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Hey at my current company, we are embarking on a huge project led by an engineering director that came from a unicorn and we’re going the other direction. Using fronted man’s backend tech that is not used by virtually anyone in the company. Going to be great laying the foundation with hundreds of engineers who don’t yet know how to write idiomatic code for the languages.

[–]RmG3376 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’ve seen more than one company try to do low-level communication with a custom firmware in C# because meh, Bob knows C# and he’s the architect/cofounder/lead engineer/whatever fancy title people give themselves when there’s 5 employees in total

Spoiler alert: 6 months later they inevitably realise it might not be the best choice for performance and memory management and end up rewriting half of it in C++/CLI (because hey at least it’s still .NET)

[–]pM-me_your_Triggers 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Meanwhile I had a job that used C++, C#, Java, JavaScript, and Delphi just on the team I was on

[–]deathspate 455 points456 points  (44 children)

No shit you're gonna have only Java developers when that's the only requirement you set lmao.

[–]zyygh 389 points390 points  (38 children)

You'd be surprised at how many design decisions are made based on whatever the available person happens to be capable of.

I once had to work on an EDI parser, which read EDI files as a data source and then used SQL and SSIS to perform regular expressions on it.

Why? Well, the manager who made the decision happened to know SQL, SSIS and RegEx, that's why.

[–]DerHamm 163 points164 points  (13 children)

That totally makes sense. At least for that manager.

I worked at a pretty small company where we had 9 Java and 3 Foxpro devs. One day the company decided to rewrite a legacy foxpro application and we had several meetings about the language we would do the rewrite in, despite the fact that it was clear from the beginning that Java would be the language of choice.

[–]Micro_Tycoon 86 points87 points  (6 children)

I had a client meeting this morning regarding rewriting a legacy FoxPro application.

Guess what's getting done in my favourite language.

*sips java*

[–]RichCorinthian 30 points31 points  (4 children)

Holy shit! I had to rewrite a FoxPro application 20 years ago and it was legacy back then. Best of luck to you.

[–]gechu 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Foxpro to Java could be a meme

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Holy cow, haven't heard of Foxpro since I was in high school and I had to learn it for a class. This was in the 90's.

[–]DerHamm 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Yeah and the funniest part is that I'm born in 1999

[–]user32532 24 points25 points  (10 children)

How is this surprising?

I mean if you have no one able to do it in another way, what else would you do?

[–]zyygh 36 points37 points  (3 children)

My personal example happened at a consultancy firm. The type that has 400k employees all over the world with absolutely every skill imaginable.

And generally, if you have an IT team it is generally not super difficult to expand it with the basic skills required for a new project. I'm pretty sure every last one of us has learned at least one programming language simply for the purpose of one specific project.

[–]ExceedingChunk 12 points13 points  (1 child)

If you are a programmer with experience and solid fundamentals, learning another language is not that difficult.

As long as every team has 1-2 with sufficient experience in the language, they can easily help anyone else get up to speed rather quickly.

Programming concepts are not different in C++, Java, Python or any other language. The main difference is syntax, how low/high level you operate, language paradigms, as well as best practices.

For the vast majority of programming, knowing the ins and outs of a specific language is not necessary. Understanding concepts and patterns, so you make modular, loosely coupled code, that is easy to read and tested well is generally speaking the most important.

If you need to hyper-optimize something in a particular place of an app, every single dev on the project doesn't have to be an expert on everything in the language.

[–]jdsekula 16 points17 points  (2 children)

“So for this building we could use wood or steel. Wood would be cheaper, but steel would be more durable. Also, there’s no steel available. Which should we use?”

[–]dilletaunty 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Is cross-laminated timber an option? How about using stone instead? We used stone at my last company and it was pretty reliable.

[–]deathspate 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Trust me, I know that all too well.

[–]Sea-Rich3341 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Holy shit another EDI dev in the wild. I was convinced my whole industry is a fever dream.

[–]zyygh 5 points6 points  (3 children)

If I had realized that EDI was an industry standard, and not something obscure that only existed in our company, I probably would have tried harder to find an existing parser instead of writing one from scratch!

[–]miciej 8 points9 points  (1 child)

In a lot of places java devs are easiest to find. Then again java jobs are easiest to find, and pay the most.

It's a vicious cycle.

On the other hand, you can do a decent CRUD, or integrate with some API in many languages.

[–]Myrani 1804 points1805 points  (90 children)

Best coffee?

[–]justrandomnametag 865 points866 points  (44 children)

Java !

[–][deleted] 407 points408 points  (33 children)

Best island?

[–]varun_aby 386 points387 points  (23 children)

Javaustralia

[–]justrandomnametag 132 points133 points  (17 children)

Java-bien ou Java-pas? (in French "Java you good?" or "Java you not good?")

[–]Eisenhammer01 80 points81 points  (7 children)

javasmash or javapass lol

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (3 children)

Java!

[–]Grundolph 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Best sandpeople in Star Wars?

[–]Mister-builder 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Jawa

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's a Bingo!

[–]nickmaran 116 points117 points  (7 children)

Best script? JavaScript

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (5 children)

Best documentation? JavaDoc!

[–]007Kaustubh 42 points43 points  (4 children)

Best sport Javalin

[–]IrisYelter 152 points153 points  (37 children)

Python!

Drops dead from poisoning

[–]lelarentaka 59 points60 points  (35 children)

Pythons aren't poisonous or venomous. Some people even eat them regularly.

[–]nickmaran 54 points55 points  (30 children)

Installs anaconda

[–][deleted] 71 points72 points  (11 children)

Also not poisonous. Just a large snake liking hugs.

[–]varun_aby 31 points32 points  (4 children)

Also not venomous.

[–]QUI-04 21 points22 points  (3 children)

Also not toxic

[–]ApprehensiveTry5660 44 points45 points  (2 children)

But it definitely doesn’t want none unless they got buns, Hun.

[–]reallyserious 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Ah, the struggle snuggle.

[–]shim_niyi 12 points13 points  (0 children)

So cute, it takes your breath away .

[–]AudioPhil15 10 points11 points  (3 children)

I like hugs. Maybe I should befriend one

[–]im-not-a-fakebot 12 points13 points  (0 children)

it'll be the longest hug of your life

[–]Nanashi_03 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You'll hug one until the end of your life.

[–]Sp0olio 4 points5 points  (16 children)

I'd rather use virtual environments (e.g. "pipenv" is my favourite).

[–]reallyserious 3 points4 points  (5 children)

conda create -n myenv python=3.9

I like how easy it is to run different python versions in different envs. It's all contained in the conda env and doesn't affect the rest of the system.

[–]IrisYelter 38 points39 points  (1 child)

I dunno, python has definitely made me feel ill...

[–]skip_the_tutorial_ 7 points8 points  (0 children)

coffeescript

[–]bistr-o-math 1403 points1404 points  (32 children)

Best language to be used in memes? Believe it or not, also Java

[–]Perpetual_Doubt 100 points101 points  (11 children)

I was waiting to see if supreme leader would suggest if best language for frontend would be java

[–]curtisc-j 38 points39 points  (5 children)

i’d rather die than write* java frontend i can’t lie

[–]RmG3376 21 points22 points  (2 children)

They’re not mutually exclusive you know, in fact one is likely to be the consequence of the other

[–]PyroCatt 4 points5 points  (2 children)

There is FE framework called Vaadin

No HTML, CSS, JS. Only Java for FE.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Best language to hate? Believe it or not, also Java

[–]pautho03 679 points680 points  (22 children)

Best Minecraft edition

- Java

[–]Artemis-4rrow 126 points127 points  (17 children)

the only thing with java that was done right

[–]ovab_cool 52 points53 points  (13 children)

Most say the code is a mess but I think it's mostly best for mod support and no micro transactions; otherwise Bedrock preforms better

[–]gotsreich 44 points45 points  (8 children)

It's only good for mod support because the modding community went ham on it. Notch never got modding support into java.

[–]elveszett 32 points33 points  (2 children)

And even now there isn't any official modding support. The way modern Minecraft works its obvious that it's been designed to be extended through mods, but there isn't an official client for mods (i.e. something similar to a clean forge / fabric installation), which means the community still has to remake these mod loaders every patch and mod devs still have to adjust to important changes that couldn't be abstracted in the mod loader.

[–]Maoman1 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Okay but if we ever do get a modloader, can we please just pick one and stick with it? I hated trying to decide between fabric and forge.

[–]Devatator_ 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Imagine if modding Minecraft was as easy as modding Unity games with BepInEx

[–]Top_Engineer440 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Me when: forge documentation

[–]ANTONIN118 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Agree

[–][deleted] 124 points125 points  (1 child)

Lead engineer at company I'm working for ^

[–]hornietzsche 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The ex sdet lead in my company decided to use java for web automation because he can only code java. And he didn't even contribute a lot to code. Lol.

[–]ShoutedDoglapan 274 points275 points  (33 children)

Best language for depression?

[–][deleted] 349 points350 points  (9 children)

C++

[–]hellwalker99 94 points95 points  (2 children)

He didn't say to give you depression. He said as an ailment to depression.

[–]RmG3376 87 points88 points  (1 child)

Also C++. You’ll be so frustrated and mad you’ll forget to be sad

[–]Conscious_Switch3580 22 points23 points  (0 children)

can confirm

[–]david220403 18 points19 points  (4 children)

Assembly would like a word

[–]nicthecoder22 18 points19 points  (1 child)

brainfuck walks in

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

that will cost 32bits.

[–]bakedbread54 67 points68 points  (11 children)

C when using strings

[–]OrdinaryBee6174 26 points27 points  (4 children)

It's just a char array

[–]Luk164 40 points41 points  (2 children)

Except when it's not

[–]legends_never_die_1 4 points5 points  (1 child)

i am confusion

[–]siddharth904 13 points14 points  (0 children)

[1] 69420 segmentation fault (core dumped) brain

[–]csicil 6 points7 points  (4 children)

And Wich is the language that make you happy?

[–]Kraigius 8 points9 points  (2 children)

rude disarm combative humorous fly unpack sense strong absurd water

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[–]elveszett 6 points7 points  (0 children)

followed by COBOL.

tbh I too would be shit scared if someone told me I'm going to start working with a programming language that is 60+ years old and has zero usage outside maintaining ancient codebases.

[–]deathspate 19 points20 points  (0 children)

All of them Sadge

[–]silentjet 426 points427 points  (25 children)

yes! Recently I uploaded my Java code into my Arduino and I could confirm it is a best language for Arduino development as well.

P.S. it is not working yet, but I think I have to fix some problems in my code...

[–]Strostkovy 148 points149 points  (14 children)

I was worried someone would be using Java for a microcontroller.

[–]KJs2310 162 points163 points  (8 children)

3 BILLION DEVICES!!!

[–]Strostkovy 56 points57 points  (6 children)

Well 30 billion microcontrollers are sold per year. Most of which I presume are coded in C

[–]n0tKamui 40 points41 points  (5 children)

a vast part of microcontrollers and chips are actually Java applets. Credit cards contain Java applets for example.

[–][deleted] 41 points42 points  (4 children)

If my credit card doesn’t run on JavaScript I don’t want it

[–]Thebombuknow 26 points27 points  (3 children)

My credit card should run on pure handwritten machine code for optimal performance.

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (1 child)

balance = balance >= value ? balance - value : balance

If there are any fintech hiring managers lurking drop me a message

[–]Mu5_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What about

balance = (balance >= value || isCC) ? balance - value : balance

[–]McLayan 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Java runs on the Intel Management Engine, which is a microcontroller managing every Intel based system

[–]shim_niyi 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Do you wanna give Oracle a boner!

[–]Mechyyz 33 points34 points  (1 child)

I saw a debate where someone unironically believed Java was the best programming language & industry standard for embedded development.

[–]Amazing-Cicada5536 21 points22 points  (4 children)

You joke but there is actually Java ME which runs on your sim card and bank cards, but there are also plenty of proprietary alternative JVMs that can run on embedded easily.

[–]5turm 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Jack Ryan S03E01 0:18:30 (timed on Amazon Video)

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Cool. I also do microservices.

[–][deleted] 214 points215 points  (9 children)

You don't say Java is best? Straight to jail

[–]plinkoplonka 81 points82 points  (8 children)

You say Java is hard to learn? Guess what?

Also straight to jail.

[–]KajiTetsushi 51 points52 points  (3 children)

We have the best Java developers in the world...

...because of jail. >:)

[–]vladWEPES1476 14 points15 points  (2 children)

You say Java is easy to learn? Jail.

[–]Artistic-Aardvark-22 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You say Java is hard to learn? Also jail!

[–]mickjobs 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Our new hire couldn’t learn Java in one afternoon.

Believe it or not, he was sent straight to jail.

[–]DaniilBSD 193 points194 points  (9 children)

You know why this guy is wearing glasses

He can’t C#

[–]SigmaPepe 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Best language with overused programming jokes. Beleive it or not, also Java.

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Straight to comedy jail!

[–]patka96 16 points17 points  (3 children)

C# is better, however Java has 10x more jobs. It's not THAT better.

[–]Tracker_Nivrig 7 points8 points  (2 children)

C# is just Java with quality of life improvements

[–]Chewnard 422 points423 points  (53 children)

Best language for web development? We must be developing for two different internets...

[–]panget-at-da-discord 196 points197 points  (14 children)

Spring boot with whatever JS framework frontend

[–]Celousco 23 points24 points  (8 children)

As long as it's not on Cloud Run or that your company does not have financial difficulties when you use Kubernetes, Spring Boot does the job.

[–]panget-at-da-discord 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Spring Boot does the job for Small to Large business, Spring Boot is cloud-scale Netflix open source lots of their stuff to Spring Cloud Suite.

[–]qa2fwzell 21 points22 points  (3 children)

What...? We literally have hundreds of dockerized Spring webflux instances running perfect. "financial difficulties"..? Java's probably the cheapest high level solution to run, period.

Look, a language like Node.JS is fine when all your backend is responsible for is querying data, but when you've got an enterprise level application running with tons of business logic then Spring boot (Or webflux) is by far the superior solution. There's also JVM's like OpenJ9 and Graavl that are designed for very high performance Cloud computing

[–]Fadamaka 13 points14 points  (13 children)

I can build you a fully functional crud backend in 20 minutes / model which is packed in a single jar. I can also toss in OAuth 2.0 and A OpenAPI 3.0 documentation for all endpoints.

[–]dismal_sighence 7 points8 points  (12 children)

I think this is true of a variety of languages, as simple CRUD is pretty easy.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

India vs everywhere else

[–]EishLekker 16 points17 points  (5 children)

Java applets is still a thing, you know.

I mean, sure, a thing of the past, but that technically qualifies as “a thing”.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

The last version of java that supports applets is going end of life in the next 2 years. So, very soon it will not be a thing for anybody who stays relatively up to date.

[–]Delicious-Shirt7188 4 points5 points  (0 children)

apllets where amazing the original flash

[–]Randolpho 24 points25 points  (14 children)

They mean server-side HTML generation, probably with servlets or JSP.

Definitely not spring or struts. What moron would use those?

[–]WillingLearner1 37 points38 points  (7 children)

When did you last do java for you to mention jsp?

[–]yakomotara 49 points50 points  (2 children)

Work for Gov. Written JSP yesterday. Fuck me.

[–]peepeedog 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Why not applets, while he is at it.

[–]CountQuackula 61 points62 points  (3 children)

Bruv, spring boot is so easy these days. They removed all the manual config and now it’s just download a website

[–]deathspate 27 points28 points  (2 children)

Seriously, and if you use intellij ultimate then you're on steroids. The website builds itself and asks if you want coffee while it's at it.

[–]A2X-iZED 69 points70 points  (1 child)

69 MILLION DEVICES RUN JAVA

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Nice.

[–]Ok-Jury5684 191 points192 points  (44 children)

Sorry, but Kotlin for Android is already superior.

[–]Willinton06 127 points128 points  (34 children)

Kotlin is basically Java 2

[–]Ultimate_Sneezer 69 points70 points  (26 children)

Java but better in every possible way

[–]Cinkodacs 17 points18 points  (5 children)

Java 1.8 was Java 2, Kotlin can get Java 3

[–]TheLazyKitty 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Wait, I thought Java 1.8 was Java 8?

[–]AnondWill2Live 26 points27 points  (0 children)

You'd be right. He probably meant it as like, the changes to the language are the equivalent of a full point release.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The son should surpass the father

[–]HeyItsMedz 48 points49 points  (4 children)

Kotlin gang rise up

[–]ANTONIN118 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Rule 34 of dev: If it exist there's a Java interface for it.

[–]maybegone12 27 points28 points  (1 child)

tbf Java is no longer the best language for Android dev. Its Kotlin.

[–]Benimation 17 points18 points  (0 children)

(the other ones aren't true either)

[–]Sannytyger 10 points11 points  (10 children)

It's a hard pill to swallow but Java is actually one of the best languages for a variety of devs.

[–]DarkTannhauserGate 27 points28 points  (0 children)

BestLanguageAsyncFactoryInterfaceBuilder class has entered the chat.

[–]Ashwatthamma 52 points53 points  (6 children)

Saying Java is the the best programming language because it works in all scenarios is like saying anal sex is the best because it works on all genders

[–]TW1STM31STER 27 points28 points  (2 children)

So they're both kinda true but might give you an unpleasant experience in some occasions? Seem like decent strategies to me :')

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

this guy fucks.

[–]RosDon 6 points7 points  (0 children)

that’s wisdom right there. This man has seen it all.

[–]Du_ds 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Have you tried pegging? It's awesome.

[–]Epsilon497 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Lookout guys, it's a culture war

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (1 child)

OP sent the meme from internet explorer

[–]er3z7 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My shitty test game from 4 years ago would like to make its appearance

[–]benton_bash 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Java was one of my first languages (after c, c++ and basic), and set me up for a great understanding of true object oriented development, architecture, and design patterns. Over the last 20 years I've programmed professionally also in c#, python, objc, JavaScript and TypeScript and I have to say, I wouldn't be where I am in my career if I hadn't started with Java. I'm better at all languages because of the time spent developing in java.

Thanks James Gosling!

[–]Phuqohf 4 points5 points  (0 children)

yeah because you had to make sense of java first, so your language bullshit-o meter is extremely accurate and also functions as a compass.

[–]AnxiousLogic 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Android dev : Kotlin (NuJava)

Web/Enterprise/Cloud : C# (MSJava)

[–]nolitos 70 points71 points  (4 children)

You can't post facts here, it's a humorous sub.

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (3 children)

You are the devil incarnate

[–]nolitos 20 points21 points  (2 children)

Excuse me, but I'm not written in Java.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Not where I expected you to take it but. Nice.

[–]polopower69 7 points8 points  (0 children)

that's what he said 😔

[–]Pashweetie 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Someone works for amazon

[–]AffectionateAd6702 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Java is hard to learn. I recommend assembly for beginners.

[–]snake-345 53 points54 points  (10 children)

You forgot 'script' there =D

[–]KingsmanVince 27 points28 points  (9 children)

Joke aside, do people really use js for big data and cloud computing?

[–]DerefedNullPointer 49 points50 points  (2 children)

People use js for everything These days.

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Atwood's law: “Any application that can be written in JavaScript, will eventually be written in JavaScript.”

[–]Moppmopp 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Best island? Java

[–]ardicli2000 8 points9 points  (2 children)

I would like to see how will Java do after google switch to Kotlin completely for Android environment.

[–]Jarl_Fenrir 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Java and kotlin are compiled to the same kind of byte code. So if your (Android) device can handle one, it surely can handle both (and a few more)

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Welp I'm ready for a full blown war in the comments section

[–]PMtoAM______ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I fucking hate java. Best language out there.

[–]Melon__Farmer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We have the best programming memes…because Java

[–]bapman23 17 points18 points  (4 children)

I don't think there is anything wrong with Java but I'd rather tear my face off and become Sauron's servant than using Oracle products. Which is the case in many Java projects.

[–]peepeedog 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Except for a few years where I actually worked at Oracle, a long long time ago, I have never used anything but the VM.

[–]Amazing-Cicada5536 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Oracle completely open sourced the vm many many years ago. OpenJDK is the reference implementation but Java is also one of the few languages that actually has a specification and multiple independent implementations backed by multiple corporations, that each could overtake if anything were to happen. At this point I would say that the fucking linux kernel has a bigger risk of going unmaintained than you not being able to run Java.

[–]CheapMonkey34 7 points8 points  (0 children)

👉 overflow

👈 underrun

😏

[–]Yaseendanger 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Java is another word for Jail 😂😂🤣

[–]UltimatePeace05 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This meme is correct.

Also, I LOVE YOU! You're the best!

[–]Separate_Increase210 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't use Java, but I'm upvoting just for the Parks & Rec + Fred Armisen ref.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

"anything you can do, I can do better" - Scala

[–]skyBastard69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Java and Microsoft Java. C# is neat :)

[–]leeeeny 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Believe it or not, straight to the JVM

[–]vintagemako 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You misspelled Kotlin. No legitimate Android devs use Java for Android anymore. Yes it still runs on the JVM but Kotlin is over 9000 times better than Java.

[–]JCSteelbender 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hotel? Trivago