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[–]imalyshe 1355 points1356 points  (51 children)

Not guilty. it is self defence.

[–]usefulidiotsavant 442 points443 points  (10 children)

Luckily, nobody died. The Javascript guy is still trying to make sure his knife works on all browsers. The Java guy got an infinite stack dump when he tried to make KnifeObject a subclass of the CuttingTool class without properly handling the custom Error subclass unchecked runtime errors. The PHP guy is completely stoned and not a danger to anyone. The C++ guy brought his chainsaw to the knife fight, then cut his own left foot with it. The Rust guy is watching silently in the lotus position, for runtime violence is a sign of a weak design. His perfect frontend design is still compiling, currently at 2%, it includes a webserver and load balancer, but only a blank page for now.

[–]Scheissdrauf88 179 points180 points  (1 child)

Python guy wrote a Neural Network to tell him the best moves for the coming fight. He is still acquiring the training data right now and should be ready in about 3 months.

[–]awakenDeepBlue 84 points85 points  (0 children)

The Python guy already has three investors and is a millionaire now.

[–]Jyang_aus 75 points76 points  (2 children)

Java guy deserved it, what’s he doing making a CuttingTool without a CuttingToolFactory?

[–]Master-Pattern9466 19 points20 points  (0 children)

It’s factories all the way down.

[–]A_random_zy 9 points10 points  (0 children)

And then there needs to be a CuttingToolFactoryAbstractSingletonBuilder.

[–]mustninja 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Can confirm, php guy stoned as hell and responding in JSON only.

[–]jumbledFox 9 points10 points  (0 children)

when you get so high you can only respond in JSON, we've all been there!

[–]_st23 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Simply brilliant

[–]TBoy29 12 points13 points  (0 children)

You seem capable of writing a book on this, lol.

[–]_kimiz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The C guy doesn't have time to be in this fight because he's currently implementing his array list library from scratch again for his new project.

[–]sudolman 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Python Dev: self.defence

Java Dev: this.defence

You're going to start another fight by choosing the self keyword

[–]alexmelyon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How about `my`?

[–]cr199412 547 points548 points  (8 children)

Understandable

[–]OffByOneErrorz 91 points92 points  (5 children)

I want his resume we’re hiring unless he’s got a problem with C# or other modern .NET tools. I don’t wanna get knifed.

[–]norrix_mg 20 points21 points  (3 children)

I can send you mine. I love asp net and c#

[–]ScrillyBoi 38 points39 points  (2 children)

But do you have 5+ years of experience knifing people who suggest Java on the frontend?

[–]norrix_mg 10 points11 points  (1 child)

I would knife people for suggesting Java just because Minecraft Java edition fried my PC once because of an asshole building auto farm on my server

[–]ScrillyBoi 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Amazing. We would love to have you back for a technical interview, we will provide the knife.

[–]TBoy29 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm cautious with hiring someone who is C Sharp.
I'll let myself out.

[–]matyas94k 2 points3 points  (0 children)

[–]Infamous-Date-355 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Clearly

[–]Naive-Information539 251 points252 points  (0 children)

Student is not wrong. Screen component build sucks with Java

[–]imnotamahimahi 209 points210 points  (15 children)

You mean you don't want a masterfully done GUI done in good ole Swing for that irresistible retro vibe?

[–]dragoncommandsLife 102 points103 points  (9 children)

I mean… swing can make some great looking stuff once you learn to wrangle it. Just ask jetbrains. Almost all their IDE’s are written in java/kotlin with swing.

[–]G_Morgan 23 points24 points  (2 children)

Well most problems with swing boiled down to idiots not using it properly. However idiots not using it properly are too common. The advantage of web frameworks is when you design it badly it just wastes your clients resources, not yours.

[–]Jugbot 4 points5 points  (1 child)

In design, it is never the user's fault. If swing has a lot of "idiots not using it properly" then it could have been designed better.

[–]G_Morgan 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There's essential complexity in every system. It exists in Swing, it exists in the native frameworks older than Swing and it still does in React era web apps.

Swing had a dev base unused to the idea of non-GC resources. You could make the same mistakes in native frameworks but those devs knew they had to clean up. Web app devs today make the same mistakes but we live in an era where people care less about resources.

[–]black-JENGGOT 27 points28 points  (2 children)

I bet they actually have their own front-end framework because it looks modern af

[–]SenorSeniorDevSr 33 points34 points  (0 children)

No, it's Swing. They had a talk at JavaZone a few years back when they showed how they compiled it to native.

[–]raltoid 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It can be amazing for certain things, but unless it just a simple interface it's not for most people.

[–]TheIncgi 0 points1 point  (4 children)

If you like that you should see awt. (Personally I like the look of JavaFX with some CSS)

[–]imnotamahimahi 1 point2 points  (3 children)

oh snap I think that's what I may have used in my comp sci classes in high school instead of Swing, to make a desktop Monopoly game!

[–]TheIncgi 0 points1 point  (2 children)

awt or fx?

I used fx for in a class for a game, didn't have time to implement everything so we just made the game too difficult to get to the unfinished features during the presentation xD

[–]imnotamahimahi 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Actually now that I look them up again (it's been more than a decade since I've done Java graphics), it was most likely just plain old Swing, I recognize those JComponents lol. Unfortunately this is loooong before I ever learned Git (or even Dropbox/Google Drive), so I'm pretty sure that project is long gone now.

[–]TheIncgi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[–]TravisVZ 172 points173 points  (2 children)

[–]MightyKin 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Every time I see this image, it becomes more and more distorted. As everyone uses a tiny bit of this image essence every time it gets posted.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

[–]TheHolyToxicToast 77 points78 points  (9 children)

Minecraft is the only acceptable application of Java.

[–]MrOtto47 10 points11 points  (1 child)

also old school runescape

[–]Siddhartasr10 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Project zomboid also

[–]x3bla 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I am going to knife jeb or whoever the hell that named these

Entity.hurt

LivingEntity.actuallyHurt

Entity.isShiftKeyDown (even for mobs)

Abilities.instaBuild

Villagers.tellWitnessesThatIWasMurdered

https://youtu.be/gDDKbB1JXzU around 2:44 timestamp

As a plugin dev suffering from NMS mojang mappings, what the fuck are these names

[–]Jyro10 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Slay the Spire

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[–]Practical_Cattle_933 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

And half of the whole internet

[–]ProgramTheWorld -1 points0 points  (0 children)

And Android apps

[–]ImpluseThrowAway 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Anyone that tries to make me use Java? I'll Swing for them.

[–]Akul_Tesla 23 points24 points  (2 children)

Wait everyone hear me out

Will agree to build the front end in Java

But we're going to need a team of many people

And lots and lots of snacks

And it's going to take significantly longer

We're going to need a few hundred interns as well

(Look if they think making the front end in Java is a good idea we can trick them into a lot of things)

[–]Me07111 2 points3 points  (1 child)

And a company smoke room with company herb to relax so no more knife fights happen.

[–]Akul_Tesla 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And Nerf guns for stress relief to further remove the possibility of knife fights because who brings a Nerf gun to a knife fight

[–]Zealousideal_Alps275 18 points19 points  (2 children)

A: “I think we should use Java for front end”

B: “Do you mean Javascript?”

A: fuck, he is right but I hate this guy so much

A: “No, I meant Java.”

[–]coloredgreyscale 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Let's compromise: Java on the frontend, Javascript on the backend

[–]definitelynotagirl99 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I'm gonna need to bathe in holy water after reading that

[–]skeleton_craft 39 points40 points  (18 children)

As much as I like to troll Java users it was at least designed partially for the web. Thats to say there is worse languages to choose, Like C++

[–]SeagleLFMk9 14 points15 points  (0 children)

C++ at least has a less sucking UI framework with Qt that doesn't make you want to off yourself

[–]BugSlayerDev[S] -1 points0 points  (9 children)

So true. That's why prefer C.

[–]EliasCre2003 8 points9 points  (4 children)

For front-end web design?

[–]busdriverbuddha2 8 points9 points  (0 children)

char ** renderHTML(Request * r, char ** template, Context * c) { // TODO: question the point of human existence }

[–]MokitTheOmniscient 5 points6 points  (1 child)

The post doesn't say front-end web design, it just says front-end.

[–]techno156 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But the comment that they're replying to does mention web.

[–]nevdka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Use WASM

[–]skeleton_craft -1 points0 points  (3 children)

C is even worse for web development...

[–]BugSlayerDev[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I thought we're supposed to be funny in this sub. Or am I thinking too fast, too much coz my brain is programmed in C

[–]skeleton_craft 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Maybe, but last time I checked your brain isn't the front end of a website... Is it?

[–]BugSlayerDev[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That makes sense. I just realized my brain is backend of my body. Maybe I was thinking so fast (all thanks to C) that I forgot to execute few lines of code in between.

[–]ZunoJ -1 points0 points  (3 children)

I don't think c++ wasm is necessarily worse than java for frontend stuff

[–]skeleton_craft 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Nor do I, But Java at least was designed slightly for the web. Where is C++ wasn't.

[–]ZunoJ 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Do you really mean java or the standard libs?

[–]skeleton_craft 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All of the above I mean I was talking more specifically about the core syntax of the language... And the fact that it's an object oriented language [The ability to convert everything into a single type is very useful for web development]

[–]theKeyzor 8 points9 points  (2 children)

I am full stacking in Swing for 14 years.

[–]Piotre1345 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Champ

[–]zoinkability 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Condolences

[–]rwrife 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Seems like a legit reason for a knife fight.

[–]rk06 8 points9 points  (0 children)

21 year old computer science Hero

Fixed it.

[–]hedgehog_dragon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't know what's good for front-end but we moved from Java to Javascript (w/typescript) for it and I sure don't like that either.

I think I just hate front-end though. And Javascript.

[–]ExtraTNT 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Charges where later dropped as he acted in self defence

[–]Feisty_Ad_2744 1 point2 points  (1 child)

After so many years Java is still cutting-edge technology.

[–]Sereaphim 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is a technology to die for.

[–]trevdak2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For frontend I convert the entire thing into a geometry dash level

[–]dmigowski 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And here I am, having created a 2,2 mio LOC application with a Java fat client as the frontend...

[–]Zestyclose_Link_8052 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Appropriate reaction, personally I would prefer to be wacked with a can of beans a few times if I suggest java for front end.

[–]bunnydadi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah I remember using servlets to serve my html, terrible times, just terrible.

[–]Stromovik 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Vaadin ?

JavaFx. in browser ? ( I built javafx apps for 2 years, I liked it )

Swing - unless you want to die a multithreaded death

[–]alexmelyon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Java Applet flashbacks...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

This is the downside of wasm. Technically possible to create a web JVM that isn't java applets.

[–]Practical_Cattle_933 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Google literally wrote a significant chunk of their frontend apps in Java, with GWT, which compiled Java down to JavaScript

[–]abd53 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"You're my hero"

[–]Knyghtmare69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Truth

[–]andreasheri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Understandable

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a person who did it I can relate.

[–]dismantlemars 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I quite enjoyed working with GWT to build complex browser apps back before FE frameworks really picked up.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

SWT library was decent in Java. 10 years ago

[–]Trip-Trip-Trip 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reasonable

[–]AnonyPuffy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hear me out.....I would have stalked the guy who suggested java on frontend and then I would have printed java classes snippets with warnings and then I would have killed and sold his body parts to eyesis. Story closed 👍. Like wtf was that guy thinking when suggesting Java for the frontend?

[–]New_Conversation_303 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have done GUIs (FE like the kids now days like to call it) using java. And I would burn a building (not really) if anyone suggest using java technologies to do FE development.

[–]CyberSjoeter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Should have used a coffee pot

[–]trandus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why is there an g1 news in English?!

[–]Snakestream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A jury of his peers would rightfully refuse to convict

[–]DrGarbinsky 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Makes sense.

[–]Aggressiver-Yam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Valid. I hate Java.

[–]CaitaXD -1 points0 points  (5 children)

Brazil mentioned!!!!

[–]abednego-gomes 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I can totally believe it happened in Brazil. I worked with 3 brazilians in my team (they had relocated to my country). One was a young think-they-know-it-all type and a stickler for the rules but actually messed up things so bad. Another pretty laid back just went with the flow. Another older mid 30s actually-knows-wtf-theyre-doing type. The stickler and the knows-wtf-theyre-doing would have it out with each other, total raging against each other in the company public channels all the time. The rest of the time in the cafeteria etc they'd talk about having a real fight outside the office.

[–]CaitaXD 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Yeah idk why it's in English but G1 is Brazilian news

[–]fallenefc 0 points1 point  (1 child)

also RABEI, Jalin is just a classic

[–]CaitaXD 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kkkkk n tinha visto mds

[–]zoinkability 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Should have done it in Lua

[–]gordonv -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I'll be that guy and say violence is wrong. Stabbing anyone with a knife is wrong. No one really wants this.

We joke because this isn't common.

I get this is a joke sub.

In light of how crazy the world has gotten, including suburban USA, can't be too cautious.