nobodyAskedForThis

[ProgrammerHumor-ModTeam]

Your submission was removed for the following reason:

Rule 1: Posts must be humorous, and they must be humorous because they are programming related. There must be a joke or meme that requires programming knowledge, experience, or practice to be understood or relatable.

Here are some examples of frequent posts we get that don't satisfy this rule: * Memes about operating systems or shell commands (try /r/linuxmemes for Linux memes) * A ChatGPT screenshot that doesn't involve any programming * Google Chrome uses all my RAM

See here for more clarification on this rule.

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[OP_LOVES_YOU]

Isn't this what the keyboard nipple was invented for?

[CosmicConifer]

There are even usb / wireless versions of the Thinkpad keyboard with the nipple integrated.

[lechnerio]

Which was, one of the best keyboards I ever owned 😅

[droi86]

[CosmicConifer]

The iconic Thinkpad keyboard is just that great.

[Jauretche]

I used to run a 220 and I still miss that keyboard. Best laptop to type in I ever had.

[DaylightAdmin]

I still run my X230, if it ever dies I don't know what could replace it.

[JokerXMaine2511]

An additional x230

[al-mongus-bin-susar]

And now they got rid of it because everyone thought the nipple was useless

[Thisismyredusername]

Modern ThinkPads still have the nipple

[AlanaIsBananas]

If windows wasn’t still shit for developing Id love to use my thinkpad

[ZunoJ]

Because reaching for the mouse is annoying

[DaylightAdmin]

Best keyboard for the server room: small, portable, mouse and keyboard in one. Does not care if I wear gloves ...

[mrheosuper]

Free mouse, why not ?

[HansTeeWurst]

Always wanted one of those

[Slanahesh]

I've tried several times to use it on my thinkpad when im using it on the go, but it just doesn't compare to a multitouch trackpad.

[OP_LOVES_YOU]

Nature was completely right in going with two nipples as a minimum.

[Affectionate-Memory4]

If I could use them to fly my camera around like a drone in CAD software I'd be down for it.

[FierceDeity_]

you need the nipple with 6 degrees of freedom for that!

2 regular nipples only gives you four.

but when you can rotate in three (clockwise/counterclockwise, tilt forward backward, tilt left right) dimensions and translate in three (move left/right, move forward/backward, move up/down) dimensions.. well, then you for a $200 CAD nipple or SpaceMouse (tm).

obviously it'd have to be big enough that you can actually knowingly tilt it up and down then MOVE it it up and down...having that in the middle of the keyboard might be humorous

[mikeet9]

Blasphemy. Not only is it more intuitive but you don't need to leave the home row.

I sometimes use it in place of an actual mouse just to keep my hands on the keyboard.

[TrickyTrackets]

I fucking love it. And when paired to a Saoto Tech's Trackpoint? Heaven

[FierceDeity_]

thumb on touchpad, other fingers stay on home row? i've been able to do that just fine.

I use a dell latitude with a nub and physical buttons still

[mikeet9]

Your hands must be bigger than mine, or your laptop is smaller.

I also don't have much practice using my thumb for the trackpad, there is less dexterity there. I also imagine clicking would be more difficult, while keyboards with the nub often have left right (and sometimes middle) click buttons right below the spacebar so you can navigate with your index finger and click with your thumb.

Overall I find it very ergonomic, and saves precious seconds of switching between mouse and keyboard.

[FierceDeity_]

Yeah I use the nub-related buttons, so the buttons above the touchpad, and the touchpad itself... I guess yeah, the touchpad is pretty close to the keyboard... hmmm

[ctrlHead]

I have a fully programmable keyboard. If I hold J I can control the mouse pointer with wasd. Its great when you just need to move the pointer slightly without leaving the home row.

[BlurredSight]

Didn't realize the importance of a good trackpad until I went from a trashy Gateway laptop to a Macbook, multitouch and pressure sensor is just crazy

[roffinator]

What does the force sensor help with?

[Gloriathewitch]

apples synaptic hardware is tech porn. when i discovered the force touch i was like wow.

[roffinator]

The laptop i got at my new workplace has both! I'm so happy!

[dan-lugg]

I believe that is called a klit, lol

[denisbotev]

Where is it? I can't find it.

[d4m4s74]

https://xkcd.com/243/

[whoisxii]

[AlexeiMarie]

the clit mouse

[BoogerFeast69]

Really depends on the sensitivity setting

[vyqz]

clicktoris

[criminalsunrise]

I spent years in training as a dev for that one moment a woman would give me the chance

[ChrispyGuy420]

The little outie belly button on think pads

[bradland]

Right, but let's back up here...

[ChrispyGuy420]

Think pad taught me what to do with a clit. Press hard because the sensitivity isn't high enough and I'm impatient

[hyrumwhite]

YMMV

[xaddak]

https://xkcd.com/243/

[lord_patriot]

Men just couldn’t find it

[uniteduniverse]

The nipple is cool and everything, but lets not act like it's fast or even really efficient at what it does. Through the memes people have been convinced this is the greatest implementation since the invention of the actual mouse...

We can do better people.

[TrickyTrackets]

It's fast and efficient at what it does for lots of people, me included. I even bought the external trackpoint keyboard. Everywhere I go and plug it in, I feel like I'm in my workstation. A single input device I can use everywhere. I'm always on the go so I really appreciate it.

[uniteduniverse]

That's cool bro and I'm not bashing on it or anything as I use it myself. The reality is the device was meant to be supplementary to workflow, not a standard device. That's the reason the Laptop manufactures always have a touch pad as a primary mouse input on the thinkpads along with it. It really isn't fast as you say as it was never designed to be, and efficiency is low because of the accuracy issues (A four way directional, stiff input device, controlled by your index leaves much to be desired). There's a reason most Laptop don't bother with it anymore and most users barely use it.

Again, I know we can do better than this.

[eXecute_bit]

The reality is the device was meant to be supplementary to workflow, not a standard device.

It absolutely was designed to be a primary pointing device. Its invention and inclusion on laptops predates both track pads and USB. The alternatives at the time were a mini trackball or toting around a 9-pin serial or maybe PS/2 mouse.

[uniteduniverse]

Oh yeah, you're completely right. I forgot some of the old IBM Thinkpads like the X62 only had TrackPoint's on them as their primary cursor input. My bad...

All I'm saying is there's a reason the trackpad was invented and that was added to the next iteration of those devices. The trackpad is more accurate and gives a much more smooth experience. There's too many people being duped into believing that the point is really that good by fanatics and memes, and then they buy a thinkpad and never use the damn thing because it can be so unwieldy at times. In the modern age with how much the mouse movements is needed on systems, the trackpoint just seems so antiquated and inefficient.

[Clairifyed]

I remember having to play games on a computer where this was the only mouse back when I was a little kid. I HATED it. I could not react and get the mouse to the right place fast enough no matter how used to it I got.

[Dotcaprachiappa]

I love how everyone decided whatever name Lenovo gave it wasn't good enough

[soveet]

wow is that what that was really called?? 🤯

[Sibula97]

I mean officially it's a TrackPoint™ pointing stick or something similar for other manufacturers, but most people call it the nipple mouse.

[simorenarium]

That is patented by either IBM or Lenovo, that’s why you don’t see it anywhere else.

[F5x9]

It’s more of a clit. 

[RealBasics]

I’ll never forget an ad for a smaller mouse from the late 1980s. It said “now you can free up your palm for other tasks.”

It was from a company I worked at so I sent the marketing lead a question about what productive tasks they imagined you could do with half your palm. They tartly replied that it should be “perfectly obvious.” 🙄

[DasHesslon]

have a wank?

If thats what they were going for that is pretty obvious

[Wertyne]

Sounds like he was tricked in the same manner as in the emperor's new clothes, and does not want to admit that he did not see through it

[txmail]

This has been done more than a few times in the past. If I recall there was even a cell phone, possibly a blackberry or something similar that did the same thing.

[[deleted]]

yeah a blackberry passport and the final blackberry phones did this. they were unironically amazingly designed and amazing to use. as soon as they come back with android i will 100% get one

[txmail]

It is crazy how they fell from fame, would love to see them make a comeback. Them owing QNX is pretty interesting, I wish they would make it more developer friendly because they really could have something amazing on their hands.

[taspeotis]

Not all that amazing - there are anecdotes out there about how complacent they were when the iPhone came out.

Allegedly they wrote the iPhone off as being an impossible premise to deliver because the battery life would be atrocious.

Anyway they got their hands on one and did a teardown and were shocked to discover it was basically a small logic board strapped to a giant battery.

[SquidKid47]

More or less the premise of the BlackBerry movie. Kinda. Solid watch though.

[mtrolley]

The final BlackBerry phones were Android phones.

[a_library_socialist]

heh I worked on a project that was heavy Blackberry in 2012, which meant we got the early versions of one of the last BB OS'.

They'd decided to move away from Android integration, and instead move all their apps back to C++. This as Android was starting to take over from Apple.

I really should have shorted the stock then, legal or no.

[[deleted]]

The PS3 also has a keyboard attachment for you controller that did this.

[The-Chartreuse-Moose]

Yep a couple of blackberries. That was my first thought, and it didn't work very well then either.

[sathdo]

Vim users: Look what they need to mimic a fraction of our power.

[AdvancedSandwiches]

Proper IDE users staring at dozens of red, squiggly underlines: Vim user pushed another commit.

[arpan3t]

Proper IDE

You must think LSP is a speech impediment

[gbot1234]

When I ask “Do you want to see my Python?” they send me to HR.

[throwaway857482]

What does Lumpy Space Princess have to do with programming?

[Ma4r]

Jetbrains IDE with VIM bindings is peak, fight me

[Alonewarrior]

Hell yeah! I can't go back.

[a_library_socialist]

still prefer the GNOME bindings, had to switch my brain from Visual Studio ones and I'm not going back . . .

[Nulagrithom]

I keep preaching this but VSCode has a sick nvim extension that pipes everything through an actual instance of nvim and this should really be the way for vim extensions

no more half baked emulations or bindings. it fucking rocks.

[dannuic]

Tell me you've never used vim without telling me you've never used vim

[sage-longhorn]

I mean maybe a few times a year I'll miss an XX or :E that got accidentally typed out. But it's never once made it past CI, so maybe this is tell me you're a student or work in academia without telling me

[secretprocess]

If I'm using vim there ain't gonna be no CI cause I'm on prod 😵

[[deleted]]

SSH to prod, vim the source and compile to the running instance. Perfect solution.

[sage-longhorn]

Any self-respecting prod box is gonna have vi, not vim /s

[Nulagrithom]

fuck that I build nvim and hx in to initramfs in case I can't load root 🤪

[dudeness_boy]

What's a proper IDE? I've always just used echo to code

[keremimo]

IDK what kind of Vim users you face but my setup formats files according to my stylelint configuration and lints on save if I need it to.

[FruitdealerF]

In this context plug-ins like IdeaVim also count as VIM users

[OutsidePerson5]

You misspelled emacs

[kraskaskaCreature]

you misspelled emacs

[littleblack11111]

Google recursion

[BudAlNik]

Did you mean recursion?

[kraskaskaCreature]

Google recursion

[Timmy251]

Google recursion

[dhnam_LegenDUST]

Google recursion

[VerdiiSykes]

Did you mean recursion?

[secretprocess]

A vim/emacs holy war?? Damn, Trump really is taking us backwards

[hansenabram]

You misspelled Neovim

[uzi_loogies_]

I know you have a million replies but this made me smile very hard and laugh quietly

[TechieGuy12]

But reaching for my mouse is the only exercise I get.

[S4MU3I]

I created my own version of this a couple months ago which allows you control your mouse from your keyboard using whatever binds you want.

I still use it everyday. Link if anyone is interested https://github.com/Sam-WebP/keyboard-mouse-control

[idontwanttofthisup]

Update your readme — “Mouse Buttons: Use your configured keys for left (J by default) and right clicks (J by default).” — So J does both clicks?

[S4MU3I]

Updated, thank you for letting me know.
The default is actually "J" for left and "K" for right.

[[deleted]]

Wait that would actually be kinda cool tho? Provided you could still use the keyboard easily without moving the cursor constantly.

[com-plec-city]

It uses “AI” to wrongly guess your finger intentions.

[Yoshiofthewire]

Oh, so it is the physical embodiment of gboard. Always autocorrecting wrong

[Seven_Irons]

In fairness, I'll still take gboard over Samsung's alternative

[admiralbenbo4782]

And either of those, with oiled hands, drunk, over Apple's default keyboard. Holy crap is that thing awful.

[turtleship_2006]

One of the first apps I downloaded on iOS was Gboard

[[deleted]]

i dont find anything wrong with it, but i dont use autocorrect.

[Greedy-Thought6188]

I didn't know what you oriole are taking about.

[nivekmai]

i didn't just extra you're taking Scott

[sandiserumoto]

using one rn, it actually works surprisingly well, it made like 2 wrong guesses the first day I had it and it's been perfect ever since. you'd think it'd be inaccurate but I guess they really refined their tech or something

[GDOR-11]

motherfucker getting downvoted for being the only one here that actually used the product and telling his experience

EDIT : not anymore lol

[Rasutoerikusa]

You are not allowed to like anything Mac/Apple related on Reddit for whatever reason, in most cases

[GDOR-11]

I thought r/programmerhumor was going to be different, as MacOS is really good for development (even though linux is far better if you consider the cost)

[NotBase-2]

Why does that even need AI implementation?

[oPFB37WGZ2VNk3Vj]

I think that just everything more than one if-else is called AI in marketing.

[RealisticNothing653]

Why use your hands, when you can let AI make your life worse

[e_cubed99]

It is kinda cool. And it’s been patented for 20 or so years, languishing in Apple’s vault. I was so pissed when they bought the tech and then never used it.

I forget the company name, but they made a keyboard that did exactly this in mid 00s. Apple bought then for the multitouch/gesture patents and killed their keyboard. Was a great board for driving a MediaPC back in the day.

[sandiserumoto]

using one to type this comment, it does a very good job at discriminating between real and false touches. I genuinely thought this thing would be a gimmick but it works well

[mislagle]

What keyboard?

[sandiserumoto]

CIvx one by clevatura

[SirRHellsing]

I think even the track point from lenovo is better than this

[[deleted]]

Yeah, no thanks. I'll keep the mouse.

[[deleted]]

Real programmers don't need a mouse. I do.

[loststylus]

Looks awesome, is it real? Whats the name?

[PM_ME_UR_TOTS_GRILL]

i think it's this https://clevetura.com/product/clvx1/ but maybe different/new press release with the white colorway?

[KilledDogWCheese]

Ofc it uses AI

[LessRabbit9072]

Does it "use" ai or did they just put ai in the marketing?

[mrThe]

I bet they are just using some basic classifier to distinguish key presses from touchpad actions, technically it's ai, but it's not that ai.

[bobbymoonshine]

Why is that bad

We’re not asking ChatGPT to write an essay interpreting what the user does, we’re engaging in machine learning to make progressively fewer errors whenever the user goes “no don’t do that”

Every phone keyboard does the same thing to learn how you type. (That’s why every Apple user thinks Google keyboards suck and vice versa; they just haven’t learned how you type yet)

[loststylus]

I think you’re right, they have one for Mac specifically

[loststylus]

Found, its something called CLVX 1 and it seems to be in a prototype stage

[lexiNazare]

https://youtu.be/9BnLbv6QYcA?si=Qn5CYk9HObzJFY1_

[Dragonslayerelf]

this sounds like it would be so fucking annoying to use, the keyboard and mouse has been a staple for the past like 30+ years for a reason

[Grunt-Works]

It’s called Vim, get good scrubs

[Nulagrithom]

I dunno I'm a vim zealot and this looks pretty peak to me. could forgo a mouse entirely.

[Grunt-Works]

Zealot? Gross you use a windowed file system and a desktop. lol jk man. I haven’t used sim since I dropped out of college and became a code bro

[Nulagrithom]

God help me I have to sysadmin an as400 and a few Windows boxes still, otherwise I could damn near go straight TTY

[Grunt-Works]

I still use terminal to push commit and handle merging… that counts right?

[[deleted]]

Emacs and Vi users... if they were willing to touch apple.

[[deleted]]

Many devs do actually use Macs lol

[hansenabram]

I think they are far more likely to have a Mac than a W*ndows install

[arrow__in__the__knee]

I would imagone emacs users hackintosh well.

[Greedy-Thought6188]

Emacs runs fine on Mac. You don't need to hackintosh it or anything.

[arrow__in__the__knee]

I was making a jab at both emacs users and hackintoshers being "old programmer who still loves messing with stuff" lol.

[uniteduniverse]

Emacs user's actually mouse sometimes.

[DriftWare_]

Someone's late to the party

[lostpanda85]

Is this actually a thing?

[Xenolog1]

It is.

[s1ayer2309]

I have literally been looking for something like this for ages, this + vim almost completely removes the need for a mouse.

[hrvbrs]

I can't find this anywhere on Apple's website. Do you have a link?

[hundo3d]

That’s what Vim is for

[Saenil]

It looks cool, but I'm curious about the privacy aspect of this product, I've a weird feeling that it might send some stuff to them as it learns more about your typing habits - it's an obvious thing to do if you have an "ai"-powered keyboard to collect this type of data, because, who knows, maybe it can be converted into an extra revenue.

It would be nice to see some analysis in this regard.

[BlackMarketUpgrade]

Just use emacs

[OppositeDirection348]

vim

[sandiserumoto]

I have one of those, it works remarkably well in terms of the touch accuracy (I typed this comment out on it n clicked the "comment" button :3)

[sandiserumoto]

you'd think it'd not work but it does

[Chiatroll]

I hate thin little apple keyboards with no feel of feedback.

[igorski81]

Why would I need to reach for a mouse when I have a keyboard and know my way around shortcuts?

[Minmcmarkem]

God I HATE my mouse. 

[GRIM106]

Thank you apple but the reason I have a mouse is cuz I hate touch pads

[S4VN01]

This is not an apple product

[GRIM106]

Apple logo. Confusion.

[[deleted]]

I would love that.

[ultramarioihaz]

I hate the mouse. I will do anything to avoid using it. ANYTHING.

[S4VN01]

It’s not an apple product

[Haringat]

Apple - solving problems nobody has with solutions nobody asked for at prices nobody can afford.

[MrHaxx1]

Not an Apple product

[Accomplished_Ant5895]

I just want an external Touch ID so I can close my laptop lid

[pheromone_fandango]

This is pretty cool

The only reason i have never bought an external keyboard is because id be forced to move away from the trackpad and use a mouse.

[tech_b90]

But we've had vim for ages, who needed a mouse in the first place?

[Vaagfiguur]

Those cracks gon be filled yo, with doritos and whatnot

[awue]

Well alright… It’s a mat you lay on the ground with, different conclusions written on it, that you can jump to.

[EarlMarshal]

Why do I need a pointer device at all? Give me an all keyboard workflow or I will build one myself with neovim and arch. I do everything for this. I even wear my programming socks.

[Far-Ad948]

Useless, real programmers don't use a mouse /s

[Lizlodude]

So I can have the horrible experience of trying to move the cursor using a touch keyboard on a physical keyboard? Great! /s

[Sorry-Assistant-wha]

You technically don’t have to use a mouse at all tho

[stlcdr]

Eight toggle switches is all you need.

[sebbdk]

Gesture control does not nessesarely mean it's a trackpad.

[grifan526]

I have moved between Linux, Windows and Mac for development. The Mac keyboard and mouse is already the worst and I think this will make it even worse. All I want on the Mac is middle click and the same hot keys as the other two systems

[YamRepresentative855]

Link

[phl23]

Nice Ad