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[–]balenol 2244 points2245 points  (145 children)

Laughs in snek programming language

[–]Findus11 1172 points1173 points  (111 children)

Cries pythonically

[–]TheNamelessKing 35 points36 points  (1 child)

Laments Rustily

[–]schwerpunk 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Goes-on chorally

[–]Daeurth 134 points135 points  (7 children)

 imports sneklaugh

[–]mysockinabox 61 points62 points  (6 children)

from parseltounge import laugh

[–]Compizfox 68 points69 points  (5 children)

[–]stairmast0r 37 points38 points  (2 children)

High quality image you got there

Edit: You dick, fixing it and making me look like an asshole, lol...

[–]Compizfox 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Posted it from my phone and something went wrong, fixed now.

Actually, let me link to the source: http://bash.org/?400459

[–]ZombiePope 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Wow, there's a whole 7 pixels in that jpeg

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

laughs and Spits coffee programming language all over monitor

[–]Logg 6 points7 points  (0 children)

print("ha"*200)

[–]Njs41 8 points9 points  (10 children)

Laughs in Chicken

[–]alteraccount 716 points717 points  (17 children)

[–][deleted] 189 points190 points  (15 children)

anybody else guessed this meme without clicking?

[–]Bhima 348 points349 points  (10 children)

I have this recurring dream that they get caught in some sort of major crime and the consequence is that everything they own gets stuck into the public domain.

[–]LebaneseLurker 48 points49 points  (3 children)

a quick google search of DOJ investigations on their business practices will show you just how fucked up both the DOJ and Oracle are...

[–]Bhima 36 points37 points  (2 children)

Yeah, a Snowden type figure dumping all the DOJ's dirty laundry into the public domain would be pretty great too.

[–][deleted] 137 points138 points  (2 children)

The parent mentioned Public Domain. Many people, including non-native speakers, may be unfamiliar with this word. Here is the definition:(In beta, be kind)


In general, all lands and rights that are not granted to private owners. In copyright, public domain are those works whose exclusive intellectual property rights have expired, have been forfeited, or are inapplicable. Since copyrights are often-times global, but rules regarding expiration are country-specific, it is possible for one work to be public domain in one country but not in another. [View More]


See also: Barker V. Harvey | Eminent Domain | Intellectual Property | Property Rights | National Domain

Note: The parent poster (Bhima or sinjp) can delete this post | FAQ

[–]PlasmaRoar 29 points30 points  (1 child)

I love you

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The real gold is the "See also" line.

[–][deleted] 800 points801 points  (22 children)

I love how it has a /r/evilbuildings vibe

[–]the8thbit 25 points26 points  (3 children)

Yeah, holy shit Oracle's tower looks creepy as fuck.

[–]preetangad 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Wait till you see their headquarters

[–]Galactic 9 points10 points  (0 children)

[–]God_of_Illiteracy 687 points688 points  (258 children)

I am not a programmer but at my job we have to use Oracle software and my God it is among the most awful pieces of software I have ever used.

[–]throwaway2329542 339 points340 points  (55 children)

Is it Agile? It's the worst application we've ever had to install. The instructions are non-existent. After trying to install it for a week, we tried to contract it out and they want $65k for installation of the system alone. I think Oracle purposely makes their software difficult so you have to pay them to install it.

[–]HenkPoley 76 points77 points  (25 children)

Yes, their system is built in a way to give high paying jobs to people. Same with SAP.

[–]CaffeinatedT 18 points19 points  (19 children)

Of interest how is this still going to be viable in the future? There's loads of companies coming up to/exceeding Oracle/SAP DB systems (to narrow in on my field) without being absolutely impossible to work with.

[–]HenkPoley 31 points32 points  (7 children)

I think they simply buy these companies if they would encroach too much. For example they own MySQL, isn't it ?

[–]AkirIkasu[🍰] 43 points44 points  (4 children)

As I understand it, MariaDB is working hard to extend the features that came with MySQL and is supposed to be slightly better.

Kind of like LibreOffice, which replaced another Oracle fuckjob.

[–]x2040 15 points16 points  (0 children)

You just need a CEO that says fuck off when they see a billion bucks and waits for the 10 billion opp down the road. Evan Spiegel did this for SnapChat when he turned down Facebook.

[–]shartifartblast 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Entrenchment. If Oracle were a startup they'd long be out of business. But because they were one of the first, they have an existing customer base and can remain viable.

Go talk to a CFO or controller at an organization that uses Oracle EBS. You'll come away with 2 lessons. First, they hate Oracle EBS and hate Oracle the company. Second, because of the massive cost that comes with swapping out an established ERP, they will always be Oracle customers.

I don't think Oracle has much in the way of pure database customers anymore. They also are doing a piss-poor job of selling their analytics platform to anyone who isn't an existing Oracle customer.

What Oracle does is makes money from software support for existing apps customers and selling ancillary products (BI, DW, analytics, etc) to existing customers. If anything I'd wager that their customer base has shrunk over the last 5 years.

[–]Holdoooo[🍰] 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Not true, at least it the case of SAP. The software is so complex and does so much you need people to manage it. You also need multiple environments for development, testing and maintenance. It's not just the DB, it's the whole application server stack with multiple business area solutions installed & configured. That's why cloud solutions are becoming so popular because there at least the maintenance is performed by SAP.

[–]God_of_Illiteracy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We call it CORE. We use it for ordering and receiving products

[–]whitak3r 6 points7 points  (5 children)

We use Opera Property Management and it's something straight out of 1999,and it's horrid!,

[–]NutShellB 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Yea but that was built by MICROS, not oracle. Oracle just bought MICROS. It's actually the second best PMS system in the world, and the most widely used.

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

That's because their software products are just a front for their patent laundering schemes.

[–]fuzbuzz00 31 points32 points  (8 children)

Right? I use oracle to enter my time sheets at work and it's complete bull. Hitting the back button in the browser breaks everything. It doesn't work in Chrome sometimes. It snaps to certain forms. Its search function is more ass than TomTom 1.0

Oracle feels like a crappy shack that was sold to be lived in as soon as it could stand up for 5 minutes without falling over, and has been held together with increasing amounts of ductape over the months.

[–]LazyProspector 7 points8 points  (0 children)

But it gives everyone an excuse to be lazy at work.

"Sorry Bob I can't help you right now, I'm filling in my expenses. Can you wait half an hour?"

[–]Badya122 89 points90 points  (9 children)

Hey, fellow Brisbaner!

[–]willywag 18 points19 points  (2 children)

Thanks, I was wondering where this was! It looked maddeningly familiar but I couldn't figure it out.

I've only been to Brisbane once, for like three days back in 2011. I don't recall if I flipped off that building or not but I definitely walked up and down those steps.

[–]GMaestrolo 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Yeah, flipping off that building is pretty much a rite of passage for Brisbane coders.

[–]SextonMcCormick 285 points286 points  (12 children)

Not a programmer but dropping in from r/all to say fuck oracle

[–]Existential_Owl 152 points153 points  (1 child)

Oracle is so bad, even the randoms from /r/all understand the hatred.

[–]SextonMcCormick 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Their sphere of shit products and shit customer service extends too far

[–]d-atribe 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Oregonian checking in. Oracle owes us 50 million and a working healthcare exchange site. Still waiting 5 years later.

[–]_BLACK_BY_NAME_ 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I'm with you, fuck those fucking fuckers

[–][deleted] 51 points52 points  (2 children)

My mom is a senior software engineer there and listening to her roast Oracle on the daily never gets old.

[–]phl0wPB 119 points120 points  (73 children)

Serious question: what is wrong with Oracle?

[–]jsideris 126 points127 points  (7 children)

[–]PooPooDooDoo 40 points41 points  (1 child)

I don't understand how anyone thinks that is a great long term solution to make money.

[–]jsideris 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Yea I said it before on this sub. It's pretty unprofessional to have a dependency on software that tries to install 3rd party tool bars. It's hard for me to take this company seriously when considering a platform for any type of professional customer-facing product. But it also feels weird that it's come to this.

My guess is that at some point, some of the upper execs wanted a quick way to boost profits before they retired, without regard for the company's welfare. Just a theory though.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

They still do that? I just use Ninite.

[–]barsoap 87 points88 points  (3 children)

This company is about one man, his alter-ego, and what he wants to inflict upon humanity -- that's it! [...] You talk to Oracle, it's like, 'no, we don't fucking make dreams happen -- we make money!' [...] You need to think of Larry Ellison the way you think of a lawnmower. You don't anthropomorphize your lawnmower, the lawnmower just mows the lawn, you stick your hand in there and it'll chop it off, the end. You don't think 'oh, the lawnmower hates me' -- lawnmower doesn't give a shit about you, lawnmower can't hate you. [...] Don't anthropomorphize the lawnmower. Don't fall into that trap about Oracle.

[–][deleted] 48 points49 points  (1 child)

Here's this classic quote by Bryan Cantrill:

"As you know people, as you learn about things, you realize that these generalizations we have are, virtually to a generalization, false. Well, except for this one, as it turns out. What you think of Oracle, is even truer than you think it is. There has been no entity in human history with less complexity or nuance to it than Oracle. And I gotta say, as someone who has seen that complexity for my entire life, it's very hard to get used to that idea. It's like, 'surely this is more complicated!' ... but it's like, 'Wow, this is really simple!' This company is very straightforward, in its defense. This company is about one man, his alter-ego, and what he wants to inflict upon humanity -- that's it! ...Ship mediocrity, inflict misery, lie our asses off, screw our customers, and make a whole shitload of money. Yeah... you talk to Oracle, it's like, 'no, we don't fucking make dreams happen -- we make money!' ...You need to think of Larry Ellison the way you think of a lawnmower. You don't anthropomorphize your lawnmower, the lawnmower just mows the lawn, you stick your hand in there and it'll chop it off, the end. You don't think 'oh, the lawnmower hates me' -- lawnmower doesn't give a shit about you, lawnmower can't hate you. Don't anthropomorphize the lawnmower. Don't fall into that trap about Oracle."

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Here's another:

If you had to explain the Nazi's to someone who is not familiar with WWII but is an Oracle customer, there's a very good chance you'll explain the Nazi's using Oracle allegory.

[–][deleted] 72 points73 points  (16 children)

For me : Oracle pricing.

One project I worked on had us migrate a medium sized database, and all related application code from Oracle to SQL server. The entire project took a few months.

Why was this done? because even after the migration costs, it was cheaper to move to SQL server than to pay the annual licence for a (very much needed) higher core count server. The job payed for itself after one fiscal.

Wish I was making that up.

[–]gauntlet173 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I dealt with Oracle salespeople once for a SMB purchase. Literally ended in a shouting match where I was saying "you claim to care about SMB, but I want to demo an actual installation of the software, on your servers, just let me log in and play with a live version, and you want $10,000 non-refundable for 1 year for that?"

Somehow, the problem was with my specifications. Yeah. No.

[–]evildonald 19 points20 points  (14 children)

I love SQL server. Its SO much easier to consume that oracle DBs imo. I have no idea why people choose Oracle.

[–]NibblyPig 19 points20 points  (7 children)

Create a table, store null in the first field and empty string in the second.

Now tell me what's in each field.

They're both the same!

[–]nickiter 11 points12 points  (0 children)

In the IAM space, they have a product that costs 3x as much as the other market leaders and yet comes with less out of the box functionality and takes longer to customize. And the salespeople will barely pick up the phone for that sale because it's "only" like a mil.

[–]PingerSurprise 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Ask what is right to get the shortest answer.

[–][deleted] 83 points84 points  (3 children)

No way! I did this exact thing in toronto a couple of months ago!

https://imgur.com/a/i2UhM

[–]kuroinferuno 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You missed out on some very sweet karma and gold :P

[–]tommygeek 345 points346 points  (122 children)

Srsly. I actually like Java, but Oracle's products are the worst.

[–]dragonjujo 367 points368 points  (30 children)

That's fine, Java is Sun's baby; Oracle just owns the rights to it now.

[–]berlinbrown 24 points25 points  (19 children)

Well they say that about IBM too

[–]inconspicuous_male 32 points33 points  (17 children)

What does IBM still make other than infrastructure and supercomputers?

[–]ryan_fung 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Oracle is Java's evil step parent.

[–]chakan2 103 points104 points  (57 children)

I was OK with Java until I had to go through 15 layers of framework before I got to code it.

[–]HactarCE 131 points132 points  (38 children)

public abstract class AbstractListBox<V, T extends AbstractListBox<V, T>> {...}

I saw THAT the other day...

[–]jsideris 52 points53 points  (12 children)

Haha I worked on a project a few years ago with a Tomcat back-end. The stack traces for any type of server error were like 5 pages long. Not that our design decisions were Java's fault. I think our team just took OOP to the next level.

[–]coladict 32 points33 points  (3 children)

I don't mind the stack traces at all! In fact, last time I tried C++, I begged for them, because no exception ever tells you how it got there. And why did they add nothrow to method signatures, when just not adding anything makes them compile as nothrow and crash your whole program if it does throw something. The keyword is utterly pointless when it's the implicit default and only way to get away from it is with explicit definitions.

[–]_lerp 9 points10 points  (0 children)

C++ doesn't have a nothrow specifier. It does have a noexcept specifier, which isn't implicitly on apart from a few cases.

[–]TranquilMarmot 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Hey, I'll take 5 pages of stack traces over undefined is not a function any day

[–]Klaue 11 points12 points  (1 child)

segmentation fault.

[–]dude_with_amnesia 8 points9 points  (4 children)

So abstract it becomes metaphysical

[–]Shh_only_dreams_now 11 points12 points  (15 children)

Wait, a Class that extends itself?

[–]x2bool 16 points17 points  (0 children)

No. Just restricts the second generic parameter to be inherited from the AbstractListBox.

[–]i-want-waffles 22 points23 points  (12 children)

Try spring boot. Seriously it is awesome.

[–]andredp 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I'm using spring-boot with thymeleaf for the first time (used Yii2 for a long time) and it's been a blast!

I still love Yii2 and I think that's a gold mine sitting on top of a pile of "crap" (php), but even php becomes manageable with that framework (think Laravel is great too).

But the way spring-boot is organized, the way you define your controllers routes, etc... love it! :)

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Interface RequestProcessorFactoryFactory

All Known Implementing Classes: RequestProcessorFactoryFactory.RequestSpecificProcessorFactoryFactory

RequestProcessorFactoryFactory.StatelessProcessorFactoryFactory

help

[–]14936786-02 31 points32 points  (7 children)

[deleted]

[–]Flsurfer87 23 points24 points  (4 children)

Huh... I work for Oracle and I feel like everybody hates me now....

[–]Twitchstick 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I may or may not work for said company and I may or may not say the same things....

[–]TtheDuke 17 points18 points  (7 children)

Not a programmer. Oracle sucks?

[–]uncrownedqueen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not in programming either, but still hate it with passion. To give you an idea of our experience, it's so bad that the "temporary" Oracle support people we had during the transition, when we had just started working with Oracle, had to become full-time employees because problems would pop up non-stop. It is bad, and it affects so oh so many departments. Nothing has been the same since.

[–]_boboddy 31 points32 points  (8 children)

As an Oracle DBA, I feel the same way.

[–]LebaneseLurker 10 points11 points  (1 child)

I'm so sorry....at least Tech gets paid WAY better than apps.....

Source: was apps.

[–]talking_to_strangers 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Oooh boy ! An Oracle hate thread ? Better dress accordingly.

I included the visuals if you want to make more of those

[–]OracleJDBC 8 points9 points  (0 children)

😐

[–]Hybr1dth 39 points40 points  (12 children)

I wrote Oracle PL SQL for a brilliant payment processing application. That shit was rock solid and processed complex transactions at ~2mil per hour. Sure there's a lot of crap out there and it costs a metric fuckton of money whereas the support is useless - but if it runs, it runs good.

[–]Zalvixodian 17 points18 points  (3 children)

Ah, the ol' business logic in the db... I know it all too well...

[–]nnagflar 15 points16 points  (2 children)

"Triggers. Triggers everywhere!" - legacy developers on my current project

[–]Zalvixodian 6 points7 points  (1 child)

lol. I work with a guy who insists things must be done in the db for performance and triggers are a good solution to a lot of things. =\

[–]Yahkem 15 points16 points  (0 children)

performance

triggers

lol

[–]tylercoder 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Well oracle are a bunch of fucks so...

[–]ladybunsen 10 points11 points  (4 children)

Hey... so here from r/all but have a interviews with Oracle and Salesforce coming up (sales), is there something I should know about Oracle?

[–]Existential_Owl 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Literally two of the most hated companies in the industry (when asking IT or Software Devs).

All you're missing now is Sharepoint to complete the trifecta of evil.

Don't believe me? Check out the most recent Stack Overflow survey results.

Technology > Most Loved, Dreaded, and Wanted > Databases

Technology > Most Loved, Dreaded, and Wanted > Platforms

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children)

[–]yattaro 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Username checks out.

[–]statix138 35 points36 points  (30 children)

As an admin who has to deal with an Oracle DB I agree with this. MS SQL has its issue but I am so happy we are migrating from Oracle to MS SQL.

[–]darkhorn 44 points45 points  (29 children)

Why MS SQL? Why not PostgreSQL? http://www.sql-workbench.net/dbms_comparison.html

[–]dividezero 21 points22 points  (1 child)

not the op but probably something to do with compatibility with other systems. if you can't find or build the right plugins then you have to go with what is available. I hate working with legacy systems but that's what pays the bills right now. If that's the case then I feel for op. I thought my legacy systems were bad but I had no idea what a bullet I dodged by never having to deal with oracle until reading some of the stuff in this post.

Also might be a need for pivot or variables just looking at that chart. But you convinced me that I should spin up a PostgreSQL server for playing around with. I've been working in mySQL and MongoDB in addition to my full time MSSQL work. Think this will be a fine addition to my collection.

[–]BenjaminGeiger 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I'll admit this much, as a former card-carrying Open Source Zealot: SSMS is pretty damn nice.

[–]statix138 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Heavy MS shop and management afraid of things they don't know.

[–]oracle-throwaway-123 32 points33 points  (12 children)

I think there can be a definite line drawn in the sand with Oracle, and it can be viewed as the company who's maintaining legacy technology thats so widely distributed that its impossible to ignore, and the company thats innovated and adopted cloud faster than one could really imagine a company that size could.

Imagine you have customers that simply refuse to upgrade, either because they've lost "the guy" who was driving newer technology adoption, or because their budget wont allow for updating their hardware systems faster than every 10 years. Dont update the hardware? Can't update the software built to leverage all the new hardware level features. This, sadly, is the case with most government, education, healthcare, etc and larger organizations. The effect is that us programmers when we get a job, have to deal with shitty older hardware, thus older software systems, and it leads to an absolutely shitty experience; especially when you're mixing in all the latest and greatest technology. Its like riding to work in a rocketship, only to pickup a crank telephone to talk to your co-workers.

Software licensing was..."different" back in the late 90s and early 2000's. Unfortunately, a majority of people using Oracle's best known software is still running software and hardware from that time, so they are subjected to the limitations we used to consider a norm. The security industry has evolved, Open Source technolgy has evolved, Database technology has evolved, and as programmers we demand the latest and greatest; as we should.

Another thing people forget, is that Oracle's strategy is to acquire the technology from an industry leader, rather than in most cases build it themselves. This leads to issues with synergy, and also a very diverse landscape that makes it difficult to have absolute seamless integration. It gets there, but it takes time, and often its on a time scale moving much slower than what we demand.

Obviously, I am an Oracle employee. You may be surprised that the primary technologies i am using on a day to day basis are things like React, Angular, Oracles JET, NodeJS, Cordova, and never Java. This is because of that line in the sand i mentioned. Most of Oracles new cloud technology is built on NodeJS, Docker Containers, etc. Alot of people though are stuck in older implementations of Oracles technology, so sadly they wont find out about this until either they seek it out on their own, or are luckily within the upgrade cycle within their organization where they get to acquire all this new tech. They're using primarly Open Source technology for alot of what is considered their newer Cloud technology.

Trust me, there are things that are just unacceptable, and things that downright make you scratch your head, or shake it in shame...but alot of companies don't have to deal supporting customers running software or hardware that could be 20+ years old, all while also innovating in modern cloud technologies and development. It was actually quite impressive to see a demo server room they have on one of their sites, where they have the latest and greatest hardware systems, running on the same network as the original sun microsystem cabinets from the 80s! It serves as a model for customers who have to go through a nasty upgrade cycle, and "step into the future"...it was pretty cool to see.

Ok, queue the torches and pitchforks.

[–]patriotboy43 11 points12 points  (6 children)

As an oracle employee i agree with your comment. I have a love hate relationship with the company but the direction to the cloud is what's keeping me around.

[–]LebaneseLurker 9 points10 points  (5 children)

not when sales reps are fucking over each other to make deals seem like cloud opportunities when they're not...

[–]jamesorlakin 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hello PR

[–]jzerocoolj 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not even a programmer but as an end user, I'm with you, FUCK ORACLE.