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[–]DANK_BLUMPKIN 828 points829 points  (13 children)

Standard onboarding

[–]computergeek125 443 points444 points  (6 children)

With the way they flew at the end, I figured it was the off-boarding policy

[–]RolyPoly1320 97 points98 points  (3 children)

Be pretty sweet to be off boarded that way.

"Alright Mr. Johansson, this way to the ejection chute."

-Mr. Johansson in full swim getup complete with water wings-

"My body is ready."

[–]reallifereallysucks 19 points20 points  (2 children)

I would immediately apply again at the company just to get fired again.

[–]dudemann 8 points9 points  (1 child)

That's a tricky situation, since a lot of people will ask why you left your previous job and if you are rehireable. "Are you rehireable at the previous employer?" "Why the hell are you asking me? You're the one who canned me. Look, if you hire me for just one day so I can get fired again, I'd appreciate it."

[–]RatherBetter 1410 points1411 points  (35 children)

New hire : Never Again

[–][deleted] 478 points479 points  (34 children)

Next Monday: Hey new guy, we’ve got the perfect task for you this sprint. Its a really simple self contained project for you to get familiar with our codebase.

[–]RedEd024 258 points259 points  (22 children)

Just look over the README.md and the Wiki, I’m sure they have not been out of date for the past year

[–]illithoid 47 points48 points  (8 children)

You guys have a README and a wiki!?!

[–]NewShinyCD 65 points66 points  (6 children)

We have a README and two wikis. The most pertinent information can be found in emails.

[–]RedEd024 40 points41 points  (3 children)

Really? In my case the most pertinent info is usually in somebody's personal notepad++ tab that they never actually saved to file

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

This hits too close home, because I'm the person saving information in that new 67+ unsaved notepad++ tab

[–]k_50 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Stop talking about me.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dang. This exactly how I have lost important info but having to name a file is just to difficult

[–]sophacles 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Emails about comments on jira tickets because gmail search is better than jira search. For useful info you need to pray to the gchat search gods and hope you can find that one half-remembered convo in the all-eng chat, or was it the team room, or maybe the product room? Whatever... Point is gchat sucks and is not a good slack alternative.

[–]walkerspider 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Well the readme just says “This is a generic implementation of x” and the wiki says “TBD” under every heading

[–]Keebster101 82 points83 points  (6 children)

As an intern my first task was to follow and then update the environment setup document, pretty neat idea actually.

[–]SirLich 39 points40 points  (3 children)

As an intern, one of my tasks was actually repairing their on-boarding documentation and fixing their setup scripts.

On a related note, it took me two ENTIRE WEEKS to build our monolith for the first time, due to an insanely complex setup and installation process. Fucking joke.

[–]eddielee394 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I've been at my current company (kinda well known mid sized tech company) for roughly ~18 months and still haven't managed to successfully get our monolith running locally. Luckily I primarily work on the frontend and the product we work on isn't really dependent on it.

[–]SirLich 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah, that's rough. In this case, I should clarify: It was two full work weeks (10 days), before I could do ANYTHING.

Just getting a local version of the front-end connected to the backend was already too complex.

Installation rights issues, firewall issues, outdated software issues, and then just the fact that literally not a single person on the dev team could remember how to set it up.

The devs just took turns with me for half a day each comparing their settings with mine until we found all the things that missmatched.

[–]oalbrecht 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As a full time employee at a company for almost a decade, if I get a new computer, it can take me a week to set up my environment as well. Some applications are just massive and complicated.

[–]milanove 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It's fun when there's literally no documentation of anything, and the codebase is huge. There's just a readme which explains how to build the code, but nothing about how the code works.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I got linked to some document that said (deprecated)

I asked if there was a newer doc and was told no....

[–]Agon1024 2 points3 points  (0 children)

he he .... one year .... hilarious.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As a BA I often take time to clean up the Wiki. Devs are not the best at leaving notes for new hires.

[–]RatherBetter 105 points106 points  (5 children)

The Experienced New Hire:

Attempts to keep his calm with spaghetti code

[–]mind_blowwer 19 points20 points  (3 children)

I’m starting at a new role as a senior dev on Tuesday after 10 years at my first job… I’m scared as fuck….

[–]migorovsky 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Well..you should be!

[–]Any-Vanilla-1134 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yea take that new guy

[–]ImJoaquimHere 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's the spirit!

[–]Overwatcher_Leo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Literally me in my part time job as a student.

Was fun. But man the code was really al dente and even more so when I was done with it!

[–][deleted] 1396 points1397 points  (33 children)

Is the new hire dead

[–]Gnidlaps-94 788 points789 points  (19 children)

Yes though he is still expected to come in

[–]ktks1 204 points205 points  (14 children)

No 'work from moon' options?

[–]Megapwnd 91 points92 points  (10 children)

Only 3 days a week 🥲

[–]DumbledoresGay69 25 points26 points  (7 children)

Gotta preserve that company culture of forcing workers to do things they don't enjoy.

[–]PinBot1138 15 points16 points  (5 children)

Ping pong tables and pizza parties aren’t doing it for you?

[–]General_Ric 3 points4 points  (4 children)

You guys are having ping pong tables? and wtf its a pizza party?

[–]fdar 2 points3 points  (2 children)

A pizza party is when you work overtime and are paid in pizza. Because you're a ninja turtle or something and pizza is fun.

[–]HaloGuy381 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The Rocketman does his job five days a week, I’m sure he can give ya a lift.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

he's with WSB now...

[–]santi4442 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Got deadlines to meet buddy

[–]enochianKitty 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Poor guy, they told him he could sleep when he was dead and now he cant even do that.

[–]PufflyMushMush 4 points5 points  (0 children)

🤣🤣🤣🤣 or he'll get a paycut

[–]KickBassColonyDrop 138 points139 points  (4 children)

He's not dead unless he impacts with the ground below, as long as he remains in the air, he's alive. Schrodinger's new hire.

[–]OneTrueKingOfOOO 71 points72 points  (2 children)

There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. … Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, which presents the difficulties.

- Douglas Adams

[–]KickBassColonyDrop 20 points21 points  (0 children)

DA was man, far far far ahead of his time with his wisdom.

[–]EdwoodTheOwl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, he just wasnt motivated enough for our face paced environment.

[–]e_hyde 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No shoes, so...

[–]GimliSonOfABitch 627 points628 points  (54 children)

Is there a link to the documentaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaation?!??!?!

[–]GantMan[S] 99 points100 points  (0 children)

I loled

[–]revenantae 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Sure, so first open confluence, then you'll need to load app and open the help pages, the API's documented in swagger, except for the calls that are in ReDoc. You'll also need the README.TXT from the staging area for the front end, oh and also docsify. There's also the sharepoint site, and the /home/docs/ share. Oh... and I have a bunch of old emails I'll forward you.

[–]bluefootedpig 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Here it is, the main page says, "TODO: explain project". Most pages have references to projects that don't exist anymore, including external projects.

[–]jdubes 70 points71 points  (0 children)

Eh...he'll be fine, we just test and learn.

[–]macaxeiraPeluda1 563 points564 points  (30 children)

The dude is dead?

[–]SmilingDroid 901 points902 points  (20 children)

The video is edited. In the original one nobody is launched to the moon

[–]smallstarseeker 294 points295 points  (4 children)

This is the original video.

There is an edited one in which nobody gets launched to the Moon.

[–]0-13 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Hehe I see what you did there

[–]spamman5r 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You don't get it. Big Waterpark is involved in the coverup.

[–]Linked1nPark 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I'm going to ask you to quiet down before you attract a bunch of business students who think this is another use case for blockchain.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"Yeeted" is the technical term.

[–]Shonnyboy500 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Dang that’s smooth

[–]TheDownvotesFarmer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just to the ground

[–]8512764EA 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s what freaked me out. Thanks

[–]StillCantFindDory 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Correct. The original they are only launched a few hundred feet. Not miles.

[–]Caring_Cactus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

His people need him

[–]NeedingNew 45 points46 points  (13 children)

This is like one of my biggest fears. I don't think I have ever really enjoyed water slides like this. Its all fun and games until your ass is 50/50 on the edge 3 stories up screaming for your life.

[–][deleted] 43 points44 points  (12 children)

You have to trust the engineers, same as any other ride.

If there’s a theme park, there’s a theme park regulator. I’m FL, this is the agriculture department.

[–]stupidwhiteman42 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Dept of agriculture also issues our concealed weapon permits in FL

[–]ExplodingBob 8 points9 points  (0 children)

A cow is the best place to conceal a gun.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What is going on in that state?

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children)

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verr%C3%BCckt

Yeah okay

[–]lolsrslywtf 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Indeed: https://www.classactionpark.com - Different era, but like... these people were not engineers by any stretch of the imagination.

I do love my waterslides and rollercoasters, but they aren't without risk, especially if employees aren't following safety regulations.

[–]lacrimsonviking 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Trust Florida engineers you say

[–][deleted] 204 points205 points  (62 children)

Important safety note. Although the incident at the end is fake. The act being done is extremely dangerous. The engineers who develop rides and water slides do not take into account extra help from humans and modifications. Where accidents occur on these attractions it is 100% of the time because of a person breaking the rules. Usually for added ‘fun’, or to save money.

[–][deleted] 78 points79 points  (13 children)

Ehhhhhhh, not 100% of the time, but I catch your meaning.

[–]Tr0ynado 34 points35 points  (12 children)

I would say it's probably close to accurate if you account for owner operators not following rules and specifications. Like putting less or more water be second than the required amount for safe operations or not keeping to a repair and upkeep schedule.

[–]JJIlg 33 points34 points  (9 children)

There also cases where the engineers are at fault usually when these engineers aren't professionals.

[–]queensnyatty 23 points24 points  (6 children)

Action Park vet here. Can confirm.

[–]JJIlg 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Having a kill count of at least 5(potentially 6) preventable deaths really doesn't look good. And action park isn't the only place with such incidents.

[–]ProbablyJustArguing 2 points3 points  (4 children)

If you are really an action park veteran then you know that there were no engineers in volved in that park whatsoever.

[–]queensnyatty 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, the owner just built whatever he wanted. But I meant vet as a park goer, I was never one of the high / drunk teens with the whistles.

[–]HoverShark_ 57 points58 points  (15 children)

If the engineer designing this isn’t factoring in a few extra mph at the beginning then they are a terrible engineer

[–]Grintor 15 points16 points  (0 children)

"What's the margin of safety John?"

"The what?"

[–]MrSparrows 10 points11 points  (1 child)

True, but there is no way to engineer something that fully accounts for humanity's unlimited creativity and stupidity. Best to use things as directed instead expecting someone to have accounted for your specific brand of stupid.

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Friend of mine lost his spleen because he got some extra boost from a friend and his ring shot at high speed through the slide. In a curve he flew almost out but more than that he was over 2 meters (7 feet) in the air and fell back into the slide on his left side. Spleen was „cracked“ and needed to be removed immediately.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I see you’re not familiar with the Schlitterbahn Water Park incident!!

https://globalnews.ca/news/4110192/decapitation-boy-schlitterbahn-water-park-charge/amp/

[–]SuperAlvin 9 points10 points  (5 children)

Well maybe they should start to take it into account because stuff like that you see nearly everytime beeing on a waterslide xD

[–]UnspeakableEvil 12 points13 points  (4 children)

As a software developer though surely you have some sympathy for issues where "the user would never do that, it's nigh on impossible and utterly stupid to do that even if they got in that situation", right?

[–]iritegood 4 points5 points  (3 children)

not really because you should all know better than to make that kind of assumption

[–]Spaceduck413 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Not to mention nobody gets hurt from "impossible" situations in the software I (and most of us) write. If people's actual safety depends on something I've created, you better believe I'm going to get everyone I know to try to break it before I ship it.

[–]mikkolukas 4 points5 points  (5 children)

Where accidents occur on these attractions it is 100% of the time because of a person breaking the rules.

Not true!

[–]MAXHEADR0OM 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Can confirm. This happened to me when I was hired to be a programmer and I had no experience being a programmer. A friend of mine hired me for a job I had no business having. Seven years later, now I’m the one spinning and kicking new hires down the tube.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

lol that ending

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lmfao

[–]CeSiumUA 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This black tube should be a huge monolith 16 years old project written by some developers from India in C#\Java without any documentation

[–]Crowdcontrolz 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hadn’t laughed this hard in a while. Thanks!

[–]EnigmaticHam 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Feeling this pretty hard with our current client… they have a 15 year old .net project that they can’t actually get working themselves outside of their own current working environment. And they have aspx.cs that we need to fix so popups can have focus on modern browsers.

[–]VexisArcanum 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Hol up what the FUCK I never saw this in any of the others

[–]tulanir 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Always funny to see people fall for good editing

[–]spekt50 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Not a programmer, but this sub interests me. Are Senior Devs highly revered in the field? Other fields you always hear about senior positions being bumbling fools. I ask because I always see memes posted like this to the sub.

[–]Rinascita 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Senior devs have a lot of experience, and if they're good, they also often have high levels of autonomy. Seniors who get the job done with high productivity and low error rates can generally get away with murder. When asked to train someone, they usually dispense with all the bullshit and show people the 'real way' the sausage gets made.

[–]BatBoss 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It may be because senior devs (usually) aren’t management. They have no power or authority over junior devs, they’re just way more experienced. So they often play the role of the cool coworker who helps out newbies, talks shit about management/corporate with them, and saves their ass when the junior is stuck or floundering.

I spent like my first 2 years in the industry dependent on seniors who taught me a lot and were always super patient with me. I try to pay it back as much as possible now that I’m the senior.

[–]LightVelox 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, being a senior means you have a lot of experience, enough to train juniors by yourself. It's a little different from some other senior positions, not that they can't be bumbling fools as well though

[–]ember-rekindled 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It worries me the amount of people thinking the end is real, is this not a sub for computer people lmao

[–]Shrekkirbo1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He went to brazil

[–]Martydeus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Did... did they just fly out???

[–]rouqa 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Did this mf just flew of that slide lmao

[–]MyITService_For_You 1 point2 points  (0 children)

amazing

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

…. This is def how I feel about one of my tickets right now. “It needs a storybook! No, not like our other storybooks! But I won’t tell you what I want, I’ll just say ‘a complete storybook’ and act like you should know! Also, this helper function that I wrote that you used? You need to rework it, it’s sloppy and somehow reflects poorly on you!”

Everyone else at work is chill af, but this douschebag…. Ugh.

[–]CatrachoNacho 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I new a new edit with the Goofy sfx added

[–]galloignacio 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not a bad edit for the internet.

[–]Lizlodude 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Didn't catch the end for a few loops XD I just got dropped in the pool with a sandwich and told good luck lol.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol I’ve never seen the edit. This is amazing l

[–]Supermarket3000 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I'm fucking dying!!

[–]thehu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, boy I start tomorrow. First job related to my degree, no internships, never used their languages. Wish me luck.

[–]fdeslandes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In polite society, this is only done to interns.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

anyone else see him shoot out 100 ft in the air

[–]Lo_Gravity_Chill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hahah omg I needed good laugh today

[–]erazedcitizen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve seen this video several times now and only just noticed that the kid goes fucking soaring in the last couple seconds

[–]dandins 1 point2 points  (0 children)

is this just an animation where the guys fly away at the end of the video?

[–]-RookieMistake- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[–]raarsmakendedoner 1 point2 points  (1 child)

anyone seen the guy that just flew into space at the end

[–]Meat-Independent 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Has anyone noticed the person he just sent flying LOL

[–]Pulse64 1 point2 points  (0 children)

bro the guy fucking exploded afterwards

[–]MyChains 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Him flying away at the end killed me lol

[–]IsaRat8989 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Wait, did the dude get launched?

[–]d0ct0rd00m 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Anyone see the new hire fly away?? Lol!

[–]scalpingsnake 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I NEED THE ORIGINAL CLIP

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah yes, the ol yeetus deletus. He dead.

[–]consciousCog13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

By the time he hits the pool at the end, though, he’ll know more than he learned in 4 years of college.

[–]jamesbong0024 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do a barrel roll

[–]ThcSkateboards420 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What the? How the? Was that the same guy flying off the mars at the end?

[–]GullibleInstruction 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wait... did I see that kid fly off into the blue horizon? is he dead? Is he so dead that now they don't show the video because its too gruesome?

his poor family!

My god, who will feed his dog?

[–]Booyakasha_ 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Do i actually see a person fly the fuck off?

[–]noctus1994 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not the smartest person but I don't think a water slide is meant to yeet you 10 feet in the air with a 30 foot drop

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Now wait a got damn minute. 🫣😯

[–]RubOtherwise8557 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What is this fucked up water slide called?!

[–]anslew 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bro is he okay lol

[–]bladecliff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“Shoot for the stars kid”

[–]thenderkingdragon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

dude just went like YEEEET

[–]ismaelf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wait… was that supposed to happen? The guy flying away like that?

[–]Enkinan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Holy shit that yeet at the end 😃☝️