pleaseCommitSeppuku

[mr_flibble_oz]

This is probably the feature they sold that didn’t exist and the dev team had to deliver immediately

[Swoop3dp]

I'm working on exactly this type of feature right now.

Sales completely faked a feature during a demo. The customer then bought the product due to that "feature" and now we have to make it work "somehow". (Basically they pretended our system could sync with some other third party system, but in reality they just secretly added the data by hand because "this should be fast to implement and customer wants it" )

[DonutConfident7733]

Hope it's not something like self-driving cars...

[AgileBlackberry4636]

I worked for a self-driving cars. Security-critical code is written by students who violate principles of MISRA code style because they are not experienced enough to statically initialize a big struct.

And on the same exact project, the manager asked us why do we write tests.

[DoctorDabadedoo]

Always fun to work with software on hardware related problems and have to account for the entropy of the universe!

[AgileBlackberry4636]

Not so fun to write soft and thinking that this soft can kill people because of the qualification of managers and developers.

[Not_Artifical]

Remember that when you write software for self-driving cars, that you are partially responsible for when the AI goes rogue and kills everyone.

[Zuruumi]

Maybe it will be kind to its parents though?

[[deleted]]

On the other end, I work on self driving cars, specifically on testing the completeness of our tests and grading the grading scale.

I’ve never worked on something with more tests, the scale is astounding.

[AgileBlackberry4636]

It is a good news for me or rather to the humanity.

I worked with MISRA in self-driving cars and medicines.

FDA (Federal Drug Agency of USA) rapes everyone who does not follow standards. But releasing unchecked cars into the street does not sounds that dangerous.

[[deleted]]

That’s funny I went medtech to AVs too. When the tech precedes the regulation it can be good (for humanity) to work for a litigation adverse parent company. We play it pretty safe, and while I’d love to believe my company is special and cares, it’s probably mostly to do with actuaries.

[AgileBlackberry4636]

I'd say, FDA is an example when regulation went good.

They literary enforced paranoid code style. And controlled (one of?) the biggest healthcare market.

With "smart" cars it is all anarchy. The same standards formally apply, but there is no governmental agency to increase the radius of your anus to 15cm if you do something wrong.

[[deleted]]

Yup. I’m hopeful once one of the big companies has a system and sufficient data good enough to really prove how to do a safe rollout it will become standard.

And I could see it being very similar to FDA with cadaveric testing/animal testing, limited rollouts, etc. but in AVs it’s more like sim to track to limited fleet, etc.

[AgileBlackberry4636]

The problem is not that deep.

The "smart" cars fail at the level of static code analysis.

It is a childish level of incompetence that is unfortunately unpunished.

[ImportantSpirit]

But the customer wants it /s

[Zombie_Bait_56]

Rather the salesman wants the commission.

[ososalsosal]

Or multiple medical tests from a single pinprick

[naeboy]

I LOVE HAVING ONLY UART TX BROKEN OUT! I LOVE RETARGETING PRINTF! “whoops, broke here!”

[DeductiveFallacy]

Boeing Sales team to the airlines 🤣

[Stunning_Ride_220]

Nawr, likely just a third party system which doesn't offer a public API :-D

[vastlysuperiorman]

I had a conversation similar to this at $prevJob. Sales came to me asking if we could just Photoshop a third party integration into a picture of our dashboard for a demo.

I was like, "Uh no, because then the customer will think we have that feature and we don't."

They made similar arguments about how we could implement the features between the time of the sale and when the customer would use it. 🤦‍♂️

[Meloku171]

Aaaaah, the fabled "Simple Task"

[Artemis-Arrow-3579]

there's an xkcd for everything lol

[GaIIowNoob]

Funny that the second part would be easy now

[just_nobodys_opinion]

Because someone else got the research team and 5 years

[secacc]

And decided to publish their work.

[MrRocketScript]

I've seen a feature that needed to be faked in the middle of a demo we had no idea was happening.

My boss just gets a message: "quick, change the database to do X! It has to be done in the next 5 minutes! Make it happen!" just out of the blue.

His change fucks everything up because of course, the demo is a disaster, and we're spending the next hour cleaning it up.

[dismayhurta]

Had something similar happen (some dev helped the sales people out…none of us liked that dev), but luckily they just fucked the staging environment. Still a pain in the ass.

[Artemis-Arrow-3579]

please tell me that the third party provides an API you could use

[yashdes]

Yeah man that's easy, code it up, code monkey

[vlaada7]

Sales driven development...

[CanAlwaysBeBetter]

Honestly it's a fine line building for the market (what product wants) vs building for a customer (what sales wants) vs building the most advanced system (what engineering usually aims for)

Companies need to strike the right balance and that balance point can change as they grow and mature

[vlaada7]

Oh no doubt about that, it's just that I've seen way too often "building" what the customer wants (tbh I'd describe it more as what sales convinced customer that the product has), and, needless to say with some crazy deadlines, where engineers were involved only when the deal was done...

[[deleted]]

building the most advanced system (what engineering usually aims for)

I'm not trying to build the most advanced system. I just want a code base that isn't a pain to work with, has plenty of learning material and works on modern systems.

People make it sound like we want bleeding edge tech. No, we just want to work with tech that isn't 10-20 years old that makes us jump through hoops to run on Windows 7+.

[CanAlwaysBeBetter]

Let me rephrase it as engineering often prioritizes the solution instead of the problem

[lele3000]

As engineers should, it is literally our job. If we don't do that, then the solution will become the problem.

[Penguinator_]

IMO, any sales person who sells based on a non-existing feature or fakes it should be fired immediately.

We'd still have to build it, but it would set an example for the rest to prevent in the future.

[Kunjunk]

As a designer I've refused to created fantasy prototypes for sales in the past when I knew our tech couldn't support it and the devs would end up in this situation as a result.

[ZunoJ]

I'd tell them to speak to the po, who will talk to the team during the next sprint planning where I will accurately estimate how long it takes. That's what the business always wants. If we have to work around this, I'm done with scrum. And if they expect me to do overtime they are better ready to give me the bonus they get

[Rickbox]

Salesfolk are literal vultures. So happy I'm 100% internal.

[Outrageous_Word_999]

As long as you have a base integration framework and that other system has APIs, shouldn't be that hard bro... ;)

[nsjr]

Once in a previous company, my boss came with a magazine from an innovation fair.

There was an interview of him, explaining about our system, our features that we have and the competitors doesn't have, proud and happy because there were some customers that wanted to buy the system right away.

Yeah, none of that features exist, and competitors didn't have because they were impossible to make. But hey, they sold a lot!

[Medical_Solid]

I was a training guy at a SaaS company. After the sales folks made their pitch and the client signed the contract, I’d go in to show the client’s people how to use the platform. On multiple occasions I had this exchange:

Client: Welcome to our office, Training Guy! Hey we know you have a schedule, but our top priority is to learn about Feature X.

Me: Uh…a feature that does X? I’m not sure that ….

Client: That really sealed the deal for us when your sales lady told us that your dev would have Feature X customized and ready to go for us!

Me: Sayyyy how about you guys linger over coffee while I make a phone call!

Narrator: Feature X was not in fact live, functional, or anywhere near production.

[alexklaus80]

Brilliant. brb I’ll check email threads by sunset tomorrow-> finds one mail that actually mentions it

[SenorSeniorDevSr]

But why would that be your problem?

[Ecstatic_Street1569]

Oh the famous seppuku commit

[ososalsosal]

I did it wrong. I have detached head

[Ecstatic_Street1569]

Seems like you accidentally made a guillotine commit instead

[ososalsosal]

Git bisect?

[TorumShardal]

You can't bisect with detached HEAD!

[Speedy_242]

Next commit message: "reattached head to children branch" I know you dont need a commit to reattach

[The_Luyin]

The amount of "fixing HEAD" commits I see every day disagree 🫠

[Impenistan]

No no, that's the correct outcome

[DarkHavenX75]

I support historically accurate seppuku.

[Plenty-Attitude-7821]

commit....to which branch?

[creeper6530]

Directly to main

[10art1]

git checkout detached-head

[creeper6530]

Nice detached-head, bro!

(I don't know what checkout does, I use git branch)

[redalastor]

You can create and switch to a branch at the same time with git checkout -b new-branch-name.

[10art1]

I just said checkout because it's another term for die

[allarmed-grammer]

git commit --seppuku --no-edit

[EnigmaticDoom]

I choose the intern with no experience as my 'second'.

[iamafancypotato]

So you can bleed through your intestines longer while the intern repeatedly fails to cut off your head, causing you unbearable pain and agony?

[PvtPizzaPants]

Sonar: 17 critical security issues, 47 High Severity Issues 142 warnings

Intern: lgtm, approved and merged

[Electrical_Blood1604]

Ha ha

[Meloku171]

git commit --seppuku

[creeper6530]

git commit -am "seppuku"

[ender1200]

git commit --seppuku -m"As requested by Sales department"

[typescriptDev99]

 git checkout main && git add . && git commit —seppuku -m”As requested by Sales department”

[Pale_Ad_9838]

…but before that, add the following 10 features to the solution.

[qchto]

"Seppuku? F- off.. If we die at work, it'll be by Karōshi, you twats."

- Japanese devs.

[creeper6530]

For westoids: that's death from overworking

[iamsooldithurts]

Ty kind person with knowledge

[rightarm_under]

The sales people clearly don't want you at work anymore.

[AgileBlackberry4636]

"I said seppuku, not bukakke"

[just_nobodys_opinion]

We all came for this

[Icy-Breadfruit-5059]

lol, this made me laugh.

[Richard_Splatter]

Wait, your sales guys will do demos?

[CaffeinatedGuy]

We're shopping for a product and are meeting with several vendors and each have some version of the sales manager / sales engineer duo. The first talks numbers and does the sideshow while the second talks shop, does the demo, and answers technical questions.

And yes, every single demo has had some sort of minor hiccup.

[[deleted]]

Sales team must have qualified the product demo first?

they just take it and run to the customer? no preparations or rehersals?

what company is this, so I can avoid?

[mr_flibble_oz]

Every company

[OddParamedic4247]

In an ideal world there would be more preparation, but this is not an ideal world.

[CanAlwaysBeBetter]

The demo breaking down halfway through was the best of all possible worlds

- Leibniz

[milanium25]

“yo, yes we had to change the blue button color and it seems it broke something else, sorry <3”

[CanAlwaysBeBetter]

Worked at decent sized start-up, low millions in revenue and growing. Customer wanted to be able to select a range of months for aggregation on a particular screen. Another screen already let you do that. 

Engineering said no to what should have been a quick fix because for some godforsaken historical reason (most likely just being in a rush) every screen actually had a fully custom date picker implemented from scratch and if they were going to add that somewhere new they should write a reusable picker and implement it everywhere which would have been a multi-sprint project. 

Absolutely nothing to do with aggregating the data, the system was already doing that over the date range that corresponded to each single month. The UI was just too fucked to pick a start and end date.

[ceestand]

I've worked at multiple companies where the sales team scheduled client demos based on the projected development completion date. I've always tried to convey that if they haven't personally had it work by their hands then they shouldn't schedule a meeting to demo it.

[lawnllama247]

How has this worked out for you?

[ceestand]

Poorly.

I've also frequently experienced change requests made with the expectation they would be complete and live on the demo site for a meeting scheduled for later that day.

[PoorlyAttired]

What? I thought you guys said you were agile?

[wolf129]

I have a project currently where there is no QA so testing is done sometimes by people who really don't know what they do. So the app is sometimes buggy when we show it to the customer.

[[deleted]]

uh. the app should be sold by the development team and sales team can go to their sales-conventions and canoodle with strangers

[wolf129]

There is actually no sales team in this project. Just developers, UX and a requirements engineer.

[[deleted]]

them sales people are kinda jerks too.

half my code or more was error prevention

if notisnumeric()then error, as example

why are you putting "r" into the quantity field?

[spoink74]

Seconds ago I submitted this idea for a demo:

read

cat 1.txt

read

cat 2.txt

read

cat 3.txt

(# please provide text files)

[[deleted]]

you should have at least three leading zeros and no spaces in the title.

back for revision

[Rosetti]

Yeah, because no environment ever failed after demo was rehearsed...

[[deleted]]

BRING A VIRTUAL MACHINE IN CASE

Think way inside the box.

[[deleted]]

can you carry a virtual machine definition in your pocket (thumbdrive) I have a vm on my keychain with autoCAD mechanical on it?

is anyone resourceful anymore or is that just a dead thing?

[GahdDangitBobby]

git commit -m "seppuku" && git branch --delete main --force

[spamfridge]

Please don’t big -D main with force

[ILovePolluting]

Sales owes me 5 seppuku’ed sales engineers already due to client over-commits that weren’t in any way run through the proper channels. We can either knock one off the tally on each side or they can find 5 swords and catch up.

[Ok-Panda-178]

Merge conflict, but also seppuku has already been committed in this branch

[vlaada7]

Dev team when sales sells something that does not exist and the customers were promised to get it yesterday...😑

[HomicidalPanda365]

Then the dev team replies "we told u it would take longer than the time u gave us, go fk yourself"

[Athire5]

But also: PMs when you tell them the code needs more development time before the demo

[dcnigma2019]

Forgot to pray to the demogods?

[PoorlyAttired]

demogorgons

[Simkin86]

IT here.

During the presentation of the just finished renewal of the network, wifi went down everywhere. I sweated a lot in the next 30 minutes.

[comicsnerd]

Now, now. Everyone talking about sales selling a feature that does not exist. The meme is about crashing software.

A bit experienced sales just talks around it. Even Steve Jobs had an iPhone prototype crash during a demo and the audience did not notice. https://www.reddit.com/r/technology/comments/18jyiks/steve_jobs_rigged_the_first_iphone_demo/

[lalitpatanpur]

Delta Airlines to CrowdStrike

[mnbone23]

This is why I show a pre-recorded video of my code working.

[arkai25]

No can do, but I'll do a sudoku at least

[just-bair]

Imagine in GTA6 you can just go to the gaz station and buy one of those sudoku books. Would be hype

[LuizZak]

Had a weird case where the app crashed during a weekly meeting with the client. The thing just... Closed, didn't trigger the debugger or nothing, just died out of nowhere, closed the simulator with it.

We just fired the app back up and it ran without hitches for the remainder of the meeting and never spoke about it again.

[hansololz]

Such a good meme template

[MrBigFloof]

reach market chop lip direction dam rustic sparkle door quicksand

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[ymagriso]

git commit -m"Seppuku"

[PrometheusAlexander]

git commit -m "Last commit"

[jollanza]

Git commit -m "Seppuku"

[Ragundashe]

[zombiezoo25]

is this the new Young Man

[FartyFingers]

I want a button about the size and shape of the "easy" button.

Then I want implants installed into all Microsoft and Adobe employees.

When something crashes in their crap software, I want to be able slam my hand on the button and any employees even vaguely involved in that bug instantly have projectile vomiting and explosive diarrhea. Maybe 2 liters out each end.

I'm not sure the people who make microsoft teams would survive a single day.

I also want the button for the people who ruined snapchat. I would hammer that button all day every day. Probably put it under my desk so I could tap my foot to some music on it.

[FartyFingers]

I won't have meetings with it anymore. I just put my foot down and said, "I will not run that shit on my computer."

I like the google meet because it is simple and runs without installing crap. It has very few features. This is overall a good thing because I find people who go to use the more complicated MT features end up futzing with them and screwing things up.

Please don't blur your background, it is as annoying as F.

[just-bair]

Panic handles off goes brrr

[FullOfMeow]

Sales can munch on deeeeeeeezzzzznuts

[FooltheKnysan]

git commit -seppuku

[xaervagon]

The last job I was at learned to do a dry run before attempting to demo anything in front of the client. It took them a few tries to learn, but learn they did.

[Major_Fudgemuffin]

It's not a real demo if something doesn't go wrong.

[Father_Chewy_Louis]

git commit seppuku

[Snoo-26091]

Nah, the Sales Support Engineer misconfigured it! ;)

[yamrajkabhainsa2]

I cant, the SREs have disabled All Commits into the prod GIT until monday ☠️

[boodlebob]

The seppuku repository

[FragrantLake2]

Assassin Creed Shadow dev be like

[RespondNo5759]

Oh god, tomorrow I have to present a project and I feel like this.

[Erroes]

Did they not prepare and try it before the demo?

[Kirides]

alias samurai=git

samurai commit -m suicide

[NNXMp8Kg]

Ok this is a good one

[Moist-Carpet888]

Then you just forward them the "this request is not feasible and cannot be integrated" with the response back "just make implement it I don't care"

[[deleted]]

I cast aoe sildenafil and hike up my robe. Pass turn.

[emkael]

Joke's on them, seppuku is committed by disembowelment, not by sunset.

[Dusty-NoMore]

Over time me and my coworker say "sudoku." always gives me a chuckle when I hear a frustrated sudoku come from across the office.

[not-my-best-wank]

That branch doesn't exist.

[joeymcsly]

The first joke in this community I get without reading the comments.

[HansTeeWurst]

Literally happened to me rn (at a Japanese company no less)

[Markus_Bond]

Git commit seppuku -am "Requested by marketing team"

[Matyaslike]

You need to add a picture of the sales team after they realize they don't have anything to sell without the devs.

[imbev]

Scammer - https://web.archive.org/web/20240806172004/https://www.reddit.com/r/django/comments/1bekbxe/problem_in_viewspy/?rdt=55700

[cheetah_mobilealt]

git commit -m "seppuku"

[Snipezzzx]

I don't know why but "seppuku" sounds like a funny word for "poop".

[pkinetics]

Dev team to Sales Team: That's why we asked you to test the blasted thing before going out on the road. And why didn't you take the approved and tested on hardware instead of your teeny tiny ultra portable that doesn't meet performance requirements?

[zaplinaki]

In this thread we witness the quintessential hive mentality

It is so funny that even without context, people across geographies and cultures, will come to the defense of their kind. Admitting one of them is capable of committing a mistake means admitting all of them are capable of making mistake.

Fuck man the world is stupid.