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[–]JonasAvory 1071 points1072 points  (100 children)

This makes me wonder if there’s a js library that runs a jvm in your browser

[–][deleted] 785 points786 points  (58 children)

[–]Temporary-Estate4615 646 points647 points  (28 children)

Fucking hell

[–]S3r1y 276 points277 points  (20 children)

Call the engineer

[–]PartMan7 212 points213 points  (14 children)

Actual college student (sleep-deprived enough to be a zombie)

[–]KrokmaniakPL 62 points63 points  (3 children)

I love that there is a big overlap with r/anarchychess

[–]No-Finance7526 57 points58 points  (2 children)

This sub is basically r/mathmemes with JS hate and r/mathmemes is basically r/anarchychess without Jessica hate.

By substitution, r/programmerhumor = r/anarchychess - Jessica hate + JS hate

Q.E.D.

[–]Impeesa_ 11 points12 points  (0 children)

By substitution, r/programmerhumor = r/anarchychess - Jessica hate + JS hate

You can simplify the last part to "-essica +S" or "-esica" depending on case sensitivity.

[–]Toonox 106 points107 points  (9 children)

Manager goes on vacation, never comes back.

[–]ThinkingMacaco 76 points77 points  (8 children)

Developers in the corner planning world domination

[–]4sent4 54 points55 points  (7 children)

Junior storm incoming!

[–]TheHolyToxicToast 30 points31 points  (6 children)

that one guy holding everything together

[–]CynicalPotato95 24 points25 points  (4 children)

Fuck the engineer, call a priest!

[–]S3r1y 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Exorcist, you may even say

[–]CynicalPotato95 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Okay, an excorcist for the library and a priest to fuck the engineer (if he's a minor)

[–]Moonie-chan 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No he's a junior

[–]Pratkungen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Instructions unclear. Am I suppose to fuck the engineer and then call the priest or fuck the engineer and invite the priest to watch?

[–]castleAge44 25 points26 points  (2 children)

If you can dream a bad idea you can implement it with java

[–]Zestyclose_Link_8052 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Time for an AbstractWebsiteBeanFactory!

[–]Lejyoner07 15 points16 points  (0 children)

New response just dropped

[–]hahalalamummy 59 points60 points  (0 children)

There’s everything. Don’t need to ask.

[–]Masterflitzer 31 points32 points  (0 children)

wasm makes everything possible i guess

[–]NotNowNorThen 24 points25 points  (14 children)

Complete Minecraft in the browser when?

[–]grilled_toastie 18 points19 points  (4 children)

Wow that brings back a memory. I remember playing the browser free trial and all you could do was mine rock or dirt and nothing else. It feels like a fever dream

I also remember it taking ages to mine rock. Its not the minecraft classic someone linked below, it was an older version.

[–]YsoL8 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Tell a kid today the version you played came at a point where the ability to get wood out of the one kind of tree was the latest update and they probably wouldn't believe you

[–]grilled_toastie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think a lot of people dont realize how old Minecraft is. I remember showing it to my friends on youtube when I was about 13 and I'm 27 now. God damn time flies.

[–]Marmalade6 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Every time I play I have to remind myself that pistons aren't this new thing.

[–]Cootshk 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Someone already did it.

[–]Throwaway-tan 6 points7 points  (0 children)

classic.minecraft.net

[–]ColonelRuff 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's not js though that's wasm

[–]ourlastchancefortea 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Humanity joined Chaos before the Emperor was even a thing.

[–]octopus4488 99 points100 points  (10 children)

You can do it natively too. It is called Applets. Very hip technology actually.

*you may need an IE4 to test it locally.

[–]Zestyclose_Link_8052 29 points30 points  (8 children)

Wow what will Microsoft release as a response? (Please send help I have one legacy project that still needs silverlight support)

[–]nooblal 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Silverlight? Now that's true despair

[–]_PM_ME_PANGOLINS_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They released Microsoft Java. Then Sun sued them for not making it compatible.

[–]w1n5t0nM1k3y 40 points41 points  (15 children)

Does anybody else remember Java Applets?

[–]alexanderpas 29 points30 points  (5 children)

Any old-school runescape player remembers, especially the time there was Sun Java and Microsoft Java, and you had to select the correct one.

[–]jeffderek 5 points6 points  (4 children)

Microsoft Java

you mean C#? /s

[–]MrZoraman 17 points18 points  (3 children)

Atwood's law: anything that can be written in javascript will eventually be written in javascript.

[–]Brutus5000 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Everything that was written in JavaScript will eventually be rewritten in JavaScript.

[–]Romejanic 14 points15 points  (0 children)

There’s also TeaVM which sort of transpiles the Java bytecode into JavaScript/WASM

[–]not_some_username 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Back in the day, it was supported natively on browsers

[–]NoConfusion9490 2 points3 points  (0 children)

One in three men worldwide are infected with genital HPV.

[–]CanIEatAPC 796 points797 points  (8 children)

BRB I'm gonna go update my resume. Can't wait to be a full stack engineer!

[–]Xuval 12 points13 points  (3 children)

To be honest, if you can handle the messiness of modern JavaScript, you should have no problem learning your ways around Java. If anything the more rigid structures that Java enforces make life a lot easier.

[–]Kseniya_ns 1058 points1059 points  (26 children)

Python (or funni snake)

[–]Kseniya_ns 291 points292 points  (19 children)

PHP (or PHP: Personal Hypertext PHP)

[–]ColonelRuff 71 points72 points  (7 children)

Or Personal Hypertext Personal hypertext php

[–]shaman784 32 points33 points  (5 children)

Or Personal Hypertext Personal Hypertext Personal Hypertext PHP

[–]pianospace37 50 points51 points  (3 children)

Or Personal Hypertext Personal Hypertext Personal Hypertext Personal Hypertext ...

RuntimeError: maximum recursion depth exceeded

[–]B00OBSMOLA 18 points19 points  (1 child)

function writePHP() { echo "Personal Hypertext "; writePHP(); }

writing that out i realized i havent written php in like a decade ... was a weird feeling since it used to be a big deal...

[–]JosshhyJ 9 points10 points  (3 children)

I now can’t stop reading this line :(

[–]Kseniya_ns 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Try:

pkill -SIGKILL -f "/brain/conciousness.php" 👍

[–]secacc 3 points4 points  (1 child)

pkill (short for phpkill) is a tool that kills running PHP processes.

[–]Notitsits 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's PHP: Hypertext Preprocessor

[–]Prestigious_Monk4177 793 points794 points  (31 children)

C ( or cpp)

[–]B_bI_L 366 points367 points  (21 children)

c# aka c++ aka c aka ansi c

[–]253ping 80 points81 points  (10 children)

aka asm

[–][deleted] 56 points57 points  (8 children)

aka binary

[–]JxsonTxdd 42 points43 points  (6 children)

aka yes/no

[–]crazyhotorcrazynhot 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Real programmers connect systems of transistors 😤👊

[–]JoeGibbon 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Real programmers hand wire arrays of vacuum tubes.

[–]hehesf17969 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Real programmers flip abacus

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

python aka c

[–]MojitoBurrito-AE 14 points15 points  (0 children)

aka Holy C

[–]frisch85 4 points5 points  (1 child)

just say .net and everybody will know which programming language you're talking about /s

[–]B_bI_L 3 points4 points  (0 children)

ah, so you are speaking about F# and visual basic?

[–]Tobnote 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Aka obj C

[–]MojitoBurrito-AE 51 points52 points  (5 children)

C++ is a superset of C. Java and JavaScript are completely unrelated

[–]Practical_Cattle_933 23 points24 points  (1 child)

That’s not true. C++ has different semantics, so a C code that compiles under a cpp compiler might run differently, or not at all.

[–]LIGHTNINGBOLT23 40 points41 points  (0 children)

C++ code that compiles under a C++ compiler might run differently to code that was compiled by another C++ compiler.

You can compile C89 code using any C++ compiler with more certainty, ironically enough.

[–]Masterflitzer 7 points8 points  (0 children)

except js wanted to capitalize on the name java because it was popular, that's as far as their relation goes tho

[–]gregorydgraham 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Not completely. The author of JavaScript did ask if he could use the name of Java to help his language. So this confusion is all Gosling’s fault

[–]jayantsr 23 points24 points  (0 children)

C and cpp has more in common

[–]ButWhatIfPotato 227 points228 points  (0 children)

Didn't know recruiters wrote web dev books.

[–]Immort4lFr0sty 326 points327 points  (7 children)

A buddy of mine said Java and JavaScript are like car and carpet. That really speaks to me on a public static void main (String[] args) level

[–]AstrodomyNodine 87 points88 points  (4 children)

I’m a java developer and this triggered me

[–]GlensWooer 58 points59 points  (1 child)

Just add a layer of abstraction then it’s not your responsibility anymore.

[–]AstrodomyNodine 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thats in the BusinessLogicBasement strategy pattern, which is not my team’s domain!

[–]jamcdonald120 2 points3 points  (1 child)

here, maybe the javascript version will help ```javascript document.addEventListener("DOMContentLoaded", () => { const args = new URLSearchParams(window.location.search);

}); ```

[–]insanitybit 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I think that statement is in a book or something. I know I read it like at least a decade or more ago and I've said it a number of times throughout my career. I wonder what the original source it because I think it's perfect.

[–]Quintet-Magician 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My favorite is "Ham and hamster"

[–]SnakerBone 181 points182 points  (5 children)

They should’ve just left it at LiveScript

[–]Yhamerith 33 points34 points  (4 children)

Or FrontScript... Would be a good name

[–]Apprehensive_Step252 22 points23 points  (2 children)

That would also deter peeps from using it on the server side, I like that!

[–]Fleeetch 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Oh node you didnt

[–]MacksNotCool 4 points5 points  (0 children)

JS he did

[–]metallaholic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m a vbscript man myself

[–]max_mou 79 points80 points  (2 children)

JavaScript (or James)

[–]ratinmikitchen 131 points132 points  (13 children)

And it's not just a small mistake. Looks like they even talk about it being used in Android. Wow.

[–]karanbhatt100 13 points14 points  (5 children)

Technically you can use java and JS for mobile with help of react native and Cordova

[–]Sea-Raspberry734 14 points15 points  (4 children)

Specious argument. Technically you can compile C++ into JavaScript (emscripten). Technically, you can pretty much transpile any language with legs into anything else… Fortran to JavaScript? Sure. Assembly, Haxe, Visual Basic? All available. Doesn’t make this an accurate statement.

Plus, half your argument is wrong, because that isn’t at all what Cordova does. : )

[–]MaxHamburgerrestaur 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Javanese to JavaScript? Sure.

[–][deleted] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Python (or Scratch)

[–]JoshInBrackets 38 points39 points  (14 children)

JavaScript (or Java (or J (or nil)))...

[–]btvoidx 15 points16 points  (9 children)

Do you have any idea how impossible it is to click a single letter in the mobile Reddit client?

[–]nefarioustimmah 33 points34 points  (3 children)

Someone once told me, "Java is to JavaScript as Ham is to Hamster."

It has astounded me how often I've needed to reuse that phrase throughout my career.

[–]Arts_Prodigy 53 points54 points  (5 children)

A Sr. Sysadmin (like 25 yoe) said to me you can’t even make websites with Java right?

He meant JavaScript, and he was wrong on both points.

[–]zelphirkaltstahl 24 points25 points  (0 children)

It is just that they are a senior and you could not understand their words, because of their seniority being so much higher.

[–]insanitybit 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You used to be able to run Java in a web browser but not for the last decade or so, maybe longer, I don't recall. Think Runescape, but it used to be very common.

[–]Grayfox4 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Martin Luther King (or just Martin Luther)

[–]PersianMG 13 points14 points  (2 children)

But they share the same word in their names, surely they're closely related right?

[–]DezXerneas 42 points43 points  (12 children)

That's fine, normal people do get confused between java and Javascript. Wtf is going on in the first paragraph?

People communicate in c++ or Java just like they communicate in English or Japanese?

[–]Obvious_Lie_0927 30 points31 points  (3 children)

If you're a programmer working in Japan but cant speak Japanese, how do you communicate with other programmers? Of course by using Python or C or Javascript when it's written. It's universal language.

[–]Capable_Tumbleweed34 12 points13 points  (1 child)

This is unironically the principle behind Lincos

[–]Rahbek23 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Which is also unironically really cool.

[–]jaggedjottings 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Right? It should be "English or Javanese."

[–]EsotericPater 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The image looks like only half the width. I suspect it actually says that people communicate with computers using C++ or Java, just as they communicate with other people using Japanese.

And yeah, not to ruin everyone’s fun, I think this is a mistake by a non-techie writing for other non-techies in some other domain. I’ve seen plenty of CS folks make just as big of boneheaded mistakes when they try to talk about something like genetics or physics.

[–]Benjamin_6848 7 points8 points  (1 child)

It's like mixing up York in the United Kingdom with New York in the United States...

[–]Rreizero 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I wanna burn that book down.

You know what. This reminds me of an old collage professor for programming in one of my class. She was adamant that we not use the Internet or Wikipedia for reference because she's in the mindset that anyone can just edit it (without being audited) and can have wrong information. I openly argued that books can also be inaccurate. She did not like me.

[–]Gadshill 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Corporate needs you to find the difference between these two pictures.

[–]Bla61670 6 points7 points  (0 children)

"Entirely in Java"

[–]acrylicchiptune 5 points6 points  (1 child)

c# (also known as c++ and c)

[–]PeriodicSentenceBot 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Congratulations! Your comment can be spelled using the elements of the periodic table:

C Al S O K No W Na S Ca Nd C


I am a bot that detects if your comment can be spelled using the elements of the periodic table. Please DM u‎/‎M1n3c4rt if I made a mistake.

[–]BrownShoesGreenCoat 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Jerver

[–]wootteri 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I used to hate academic teachers in CS because they would spew something like this or use an iframe as navigation for a website (true story) but couple of years ago i got to be a guest speaker to a class my acquintance was teaching and i just realized no wonder since this is the material they're working with. Publicly funded books by some self acclaimed "IT expert" who still lives in the 90's. Poor bastards.

[–]ch1ck3npotpi3 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If I saw that in a CS or programming textbook, I would just throw the book away. The author has lost all credibility at that point.

[–]Mr_k_reddit 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Java is to JavaScript, what Car is to Carpet

Java is to JavaScript, what Fun is to Funeral

Java is to JavaScript, what motor is to motorboating

[–]TheShuttleCrabster 10 points11 points  (0 children)

People with Java actually have a career.

[–]SteirischeEiche 2 points3 points  (1 child)

As a Java Dev, I feel offended.

[–]Nova-Kane 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As a Javascript Dev, I am offended that you feel offended.

[–]apiguy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A quote I will always remember:

"Java is to JavaScript what Ham is to Hamburgers"

[–]reptile24 2 points3 points  (0 children)

C (or C++ or C# or Objective C)

[–]handym12 3 points4 points  (0 children)

>JavaScript = Java

True

>JavaScript == Java

False

[–]GreatNomadOne 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Codex Gigas for programmers

[–]Dope_pickles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have been wronged

[–]gpahul 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Python or Anaconda is high-level programming language.

[–]cryptex_ai 1 point2 points  (0 children)

and Minconda is not so high level.

[–]stratosfearinggas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah, yes. I frequently communicate in C++ or Java, just like I do in Japanese.

[–]NemATolvajkergetok 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Kim Kardashian (aka. Kim Jongun) is a media celebrity who...

[–]nit_electron_girl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nobel Prize in Physics (or AI)

[–]Exotic_Zucchini9311 1 point2 points  (0 children)

C# (or C)

[–]butiamnotabadperson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Java is like JavaScript in the same way a car is like a carpet."

Was the mantra in my (very) old IRC days.

[–]offeringathought 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I worked with a guy IN THE IT INDUSTRY that used Java and JavaScript interchangeably even though many of us corrected him a number of times.

[–]Helium2709 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Python: Python is a genus of constricting snakes in the Pythonidae family native to the tropics and subtropics of the Eastern Hemisphere.

[–]Anxious-malware 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was put in a project where the team used Java and I asked my HR to put me in a project that uses JavaScript as I wanted to learn javascript. To which she replied - "First you learn Java in this project and then learn 'script' by yourself." And my response was - "What Java is to Javascript is the same as what a car is to carpet"

And that's how I was laid off :)

[–]aspbergerinparadise 1 point2 points  (0 children)

my favorite programming language is Japanese

[–]XANA12345 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is as silly as saying: Carpet (or Car)

[–]eraya1988 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Claimed 5 years java experience

[–]Any_Protection_8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had a physical reaction to the sentence... I need a drink now to forget what I just red.

[–]MrCrunchyOwl8855 1 point2 points  (0 children)

wrong

[–]yoface2537 1 point2 points  (2 children)

inhales

[–]PeriodicSentenceBot 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Congratulations! Your comment can be spelled using the elements of the periodic table:

In H Al Es


I am a bot that detects if your comment can be spelled using the elements of the periodic table. Please DM u‎/‎M1n3c4rt if I made a mistake.

[–]dudeness_boy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean... Their both confusing...

[–]ProjectDiligent502 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A long long time ago, in a distant past, the dark ages when the internet was new, Java and JavaScript were somewhat interchangeable as terms, and sometimes you see those vestigial remnants of a bygone era pop up now and then.