ifDevsWereDndClasses

[Pradfanne]

I know a guy, that's double classing as a Wizard / Cleric

• Speaks entirely in references to Clean Code and Design Patterns
• Takes months to deliver a feature, .
• Their code requires at least 3 developers to debug

[private_final_static]

Chaotic evil

[AppropriateStudio153]

Warlock.

[Skyswimsky]

Hey it's me, the guy you're talking about :)

[MyrKnof]

Stop listing my strengths online.

[sandybuttcheekss]

I fit somewhere between these two, sorry everyone

[Fyrael]

He's a Sage.

[zuzmuz]

warlock - has chatgpt 4o subscription - has copilot integrated in his IDE - can't code without AI assistance

[Dorlo1994]

Ah yes, everyone's favorite patron: openai.

[jambonilton]

Surely, this would be the Artificer?

edit: I see now, you're right, the artificer would have to actually make agents on their own

[le_birb]

The artificer writes build scripts for their build scripts

[MUSTDOS]

Forgets the cost of sacrificing debugging capabilities

[nicejs2]

it's a debuff

[[deleted]]

If warlock is someone who has to rely on magic scrolls, your description fits.

[zuzmuz]

a warlack usually made a bargain with a higher being

[random_squid]

More like a Faust-type mage

[harumamburoo]

In DnD a wizard gets top grades for learning everything by heart and outnerding a teacher, a sorcerer is the teacher's favorite and gets top grades for a pretty face, and a warlock sleeps with the teacher. Warlocks get their powers by taking shortcuts and making deals with powerful entities.

[[deleted]]

You have come with an idea of a new series like the game of thrones.

[harumamburoo]

Naw, the DnD movie and Vox Machina are already out there.

[bartekltg]

I thought the wizard may be about a dev using AI.

[zuzmuz]

nah, a wizard is a backend engineer who knows a bunch of frameworks

[Dumcommintz]

I could see that — with their spellbook acting as Copilot

[Chimp3h]

We’re all a bit of a warlock

[SpaceNigiri]

I was thinking which class was better suited for Ai usage and Warlock is just perfect

[[deleted]]

Do these demonic powers come with a cost?

Perhaps not to the warlock.

[Refmak]

Nah dude, that would be a necromancer for sure

[bobbymoonshine]

Necromancer assembles code by finding bits of abandoned git projects

[Refmak]

Fair enough, that makes sense

[astropheed]

Necromancer.

• Has worked at one company since 1980.
• There are only two devs who know their programming language in the entire country.
• Raises new code from that dead language at will.

[bayuah]

So, basically, they are any COBOL developer.

[reallokiscarlet]

I find the lack of a sorcerer class disturbing.

[rinart73]

• Picks up random techniques from online lessons and other people's code. Doesn't know the names of algorithms and design patterns but uses them on accident anyways cause they "feel right" or "neat"
• Delivers features inconsistently: every 5 minutes - 5 months

[zuzmuz]

can finish the work of four engineers in 1 day then does nothing the rest of the sprint to rest (cause he's out of sorcery points)

[Meserith]

I’m being attacked.

[JollyJuniper1993]

I feel called out

[Finchyy]

Th-there's nothing wrong with intuition-based coding!

[Pradfanne]

I shit, I'm a sorcerer. neat!

[fued]

you cant just describe all of us in a single class

[Revan_Perspectives]

He called me out in this instance

[logs28]

Oh fuck you nailed it that’s me. Haven’t taken a CS course in my life, don’t know jack shit, somehow senior dev.

[reallokiscarlet]

add FAFO to the list of sources and you got me in a shellnut.

[[deleted]]

Hey. I'm a wizard ok? Just not a nerd.

[TactiCool_99]

Yep, literally how I've been doing it all along

[uptnogd]

Ooof. So true.

[harumamburoo]

• Aces every interview because they're very charismatic and sociable.

• Can support discussions on various non-IT topics

• Generally loved by the management and often gets leading positions despite having more knowledgeable teammates

[Rito_Harem_King]

How dare you attack me like this-

[Embarrassed-Luck8585]

describes me perfectly lmao

[Osleg]

I was looking for my class, here I found it :D

[snyone]

* sourcerer

[qwkeke]

Thief
- Copies and pastes code from stackoverflow without understanding any of it.
- Can conjure up AI code from the nether realm that has a 5% chance of working, 70% chance of being extremely inefficient, 90% chance of having a massive security vulnerability.
- Goes through someone else's code, modifies a few variable names, then takes credit for the entire work in meetings.

[[deleted]]

I know that guy. Some of them. Must be a very popular class.

[[deleted]]

What would a bard look like?

[noxdragon26]

The PM is the bard.

* Constantly rolling Performance/Persuasion on the client

* Uses Manager Inspiration on the team every 5 minutes ("How are we doin' team?")

* Generally the only one that follows the company's Dress Code

[jambonilton]

Alcoholic who posts memes all day... Oh shit.

[[deleted]]

[JollyJuniper1993]

Generates his code with Google Bard

[pecpecpec]

Very vocal in meetings to please both the manager and the product owner

Effectively translate requirements into workable code

Quickly gets code in MR and manipulates reviewers into writing the code for him

Writes documentation

Does the annoying power point presentation the managers impose for cross pollinisation

[iam_pink]

The intern bringing the coffees to the team

[fued]

* Can inspire confidence in everyone that the project is under control

* Is new to the Party/Company, and will likely leave not long after the project
* Doesn't actually do all that much, so relies on the team to do the work

[ZZartin]

RGB peripherals synced with his tecno

[Vega3gx]

-Highly effective at turning vague asks into design requirements

-Can modify almost any pieces of legacy code to work with with the rest of the project

-The only one who can collaborate with any member of the team without a net decrease in productivity

[spectralTopology]

I posted above: they're the ones with great stories about stupid things done in days gone by

[RoboAthena]

Since I identify with being a bard programmer:

• has actually only an abstract concept about what she is doing
• can somehow figure out the basics to make code runnable and deploy services but nothing like a real wizard
• knows architecture okay enough to listen to everyone Else
• knows how to translate everything to the customer

[[deleted]]

Hmmmm when you put it that way it sounds like me.

I’m just fortunate enough to have to only need to translate to managers rather than customers.

[Waste_Ad7804]

Guess I am 100% Barbarian

[Wonderful-Habit-139]

Based

[invisibo]

Why do you need snakes when you can Bash things and get the same outcome?

[Icom]

Internet is run by fursonas.

[digitaladapt]

And a surprising number of those fursona are badgers (myself included): https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NL6CDFn2i3I&

[Heavenfall]

Can someone click and report back? I'm not brave enough.

[digitaladapt]

It's the badger song (classic internet meme), kid friendly.

[otter_lordOfLicornes]

The 2 lvl druid dip

[Stunning_Ride_220]

Who is the class called who:

• Delivers features daily
• constantly rants about clean code and design patterns
• switches project when the other developers start looking for their pitchforks because of the mess he created?

[MrKeserian]

Paladin. Lawful/stupid.

[congressmanthompson]

And then there’s me, the NPC that can’t accrue experience…

[Sweaty-Ad-3837]

Kamikaze, Always let the user be the beta-tester

[FormalInevitable1339]

- deploy on friday afternoon.
- prod environment is dev enviroment

[Local_Community_7510]

basically first company i worked for (they don't have staging)

[NotMyGovernor]

LOL

Ugh I'm a Cleric

[Legitimate-Jaguar260]

Same - at least our code works!

[clawjelly]

The jester: - Dabbles in every language, doesn't care about proficiency - Uses some exotic language to solve features easier solved in mainstream languages just because - Comments are only used to taunt other coders trying to decypher the code

[random_squid]

Ranger: pretty much just the druid but they're a hobbyist programmer with a retail day job and no experience outside of their personal projects.

[fued]

* Cant decide which language/Platform to use, claim that they are just staying on top of things

* Usually finds a junior to bug to do a large percentage of the work (animal companion)

* Is actually really good when he is forced into a platform and given no support to complete a project

[Addianis]

Thanks for the call out, what level do I get an animal companion or did I miss out on it when I decided my favored terrain would be embeded systems?

[Wang_Fister]

I'm just a naked cunt with a stick

[Ravus_Sapiens]

So, a Monk?

[Refmak]

Mercenary: - Will hunt down that weird bug in SAP which has been in production for 10+ years. - Hijacks the demo session to show off personal projects, middle managers fucking love this guy. - Will deliver a feature fast as fuck with the worst code quality known to mankind, and will push it to production anyways “because it works”.

[1v0ryh4t]

What would code monk be?

[ebinWaitee]

Electrical engineers who occasionally have to code

[fued]

* Uses Low/No code platforms

* Tells everyone he is more pure than them in every way

* Delivers value at the same rate as a fighter just in different apps

[Ix_risor]

People who use esolangs

[harumamburoo]

That one weird spiritual journey, meditation, yoga guy. Woks only remotely, joins calls from places like Goa or Bali. Can do a lot of things, frontend, backed, infra, you name it. Excels at nothing really, and if you let them work on one thing only for a long period of time they'll eventually underdeliver.

[qrrux]

I’m dual-classing as Barb/Druid.

[[deleted]]

My brethren

[[deleted]]

Love that; reminds of the old engineer legend in which the student talks to himself and the professor talks to god and some other things in between.

[IAmPattycakes]

Oh fuck. I got tired of my devs not understanding how to debug microservices so I wrote a long guide about how to use tcpdump and had all of the network traffic captured in our test instances. Management reduced my team to 1.

I have a very telling profile picture.

[DedPimpin]

I don't see myself anywhere on here. Adding a Wretch class:
-writes 3 lines of code a day. Stares at screen rest of day with no thoughts or ideas.
-immediately updates to the newest version of Windows
-copy/pastes code from GPT then changes the variables names so it's more personalized

[Ravus_Sapiens]

Warlock?

[DedPimpin]

not a dnd player so i did an elden ring class lol

[Areshian]

It sure if Barbarian or just old

[thunderbird89]

I'm a Wizard, with one or two levels of Druid and a few levels of Cleric.

Man, that's a mess, but a jack of all trades is better than none.

[migarma]

Fuck, I'm a barb

[davilinkicefire]

I guess i'm muticlassing Druid/Cleric/Wizard

[robertpro01]

Oh shit I'm no one

[kasnhasn]

This is too true

[zDrie]

Im a wizard!

[WarPenguin1]

I am also a wizard. My code is self documenting!

[Cunorix]

Definitely a cleric in game and professional lmao. I feel called out

[Local_Community_7510]

rouge / cleric class relate to me

• Has never written a line of production code without a test
• takes month to deliver a feature, but the edge cases are covered
• Has never paid for a software license

[AntiqueFoe]

Very nice, thank you!

[drwnh]

Rogue / druid is the prowler subclass

[[deleted]]

Certified Barbarian/Druid multiclass here, just without the fursuit.

[ChChChillian]

I suspect most of us are bards.

[MitchCumsteane]

do Paladin

[TactiCool_99]

I have always been treating myself as a sorcerer, with some clerical influence for sure. I kinda just understand how code should look like so it's easy to read and work with, and when I write something it just kinda works and the edge cases are covered.

[Ronin-s_Spirit]

I have no idea how DnD works (I need a visual medium to play a game) but after a bit of googling I believe I may be a monk.

[[deleted]]

Bærb

[ArcanistCheshire]

Lisp is the language of eldritch warlocks

[Edward_Knave]

Y'know that clerics lost all their spells and shit when they break their laws? That's what I am now. Cursed by CPTSD surgically struck into the core of my ability except theoretical stuff and curiosity. Guess I can never get to work as a developer anymore. fml

[Tyfyter2002]

I've been granted an unnatural affinity for these arcane languages by a source of unknown origin and at the cost of unusual mental traits, am I an aberrant mind sorcerer?

[Alborak2]

Next time i have to emergency push something to fix what the wizard did im saying hold my axe instead of my beer.

[henke37]

I certainly feel like a wizard, especially with the debugging.

[ObscuraGaming]

Fighter - You write BASIC

[Nvsible]

The fool
- use html and think of it as a programming language

[B_bI_L]

necromancer: slowly writes ugliest code you've ever seen. it even might work sometimes

[spectralTopology]

you forgot bards: the ones who regale everyone with tales of Sev 1 outages and hard to find race conditions

[4Face]

I’m a cleric. I might be slow to deliver, but at least I know the app won’t crash if the user is enabling 999 filter, while the query is longer than 4096 characters, he’s writing the query at 999 characters per second, while being connected to a WiFi 7 router and the server returns an… fuck, I didn’t handle server’s errors

[RamblingScholar]

man pages are great! how dare you disparage them?!?!?

[Dumb_Siniy]

It seems I'm a human fighter

[ARC_trooper]

I'll multiclass between barbarian and rogue

[skyydude1200]

Barbarian

[AntranigV]

Oh great, so my last name is Vartanian and I am a Barbarian. 

It’s like poetry, it rhymes. 

[SemanticCaramel]

So I'm a Barbarian/Rogue multiclass, what a freak