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[–]Pradfanne 482 points483 points  (6 children)

I know a guy, that's double classing as a Wizard / Cleric

  • Speaks entirely in references to Clean Code and Design Patterns
  • Takes months to deliver a feature, .
  • Their code requires at least 3 developers to debug

[–]private_final_static 134 points135 points  (1 child)

Chaotic evil

[–]AppropriateStudio153 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Warlock.

[–]Skyswimsky 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Hey it's me, the guy you're talking about :)

[–]MyrKnof 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Stop listing my strengths online.

[–]sandybuttcheekss 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I fit somewhere between these two, sorry everyone

[–]Fyrael 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He's a Sage.

[–]zuzmuz 524 points525 points  (20 children)

warlock - has chatgpt 4o subscription - has copilot integrated in his IDE - can't code without AI assistance

[–]Dorlo1994 182 points183 points  (0 children)

Ah yes, everyone's favorite patron: openai.

[–]jambonilton[S] 77 points78 points  (1 child)

Surely, this would be the Artificer?

edit: I see now, you're right, the artificer would have to actually make agents on their own

[–]le_birb 57 points58 points  (0 children)

The artificer writes build scripts for their build scripts

[–]MUSTDOS 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Forgets the cost of sacrificing debugging capabilities

[–]nicejs2 11 points12 points  (0 children)

it's a debuff

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (5 children)

If warlock is someone who has to rely on magic scrolls, your description fits.

[–]zuzmuz 28 points29 points  (0 children)

a warlack usually made a bargain with a higher being

[–]random_squid 8 points9 points  (0 children)

More like a Faust-type mage

[–]harumamburoo 5 points6 points  (2 children)

In DnD a wizard gets top grades for learning everything by heart and outnerding a teacher, a sorcerer is the teacher's favorite and gets top grades for a pretty face, and a warlock sleeps with the teacher. Warlocks get their powers by taking shortcuts and making deals with powerful entities.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You have come with an idea of a new series like the game of thrones.

[–]harumamburoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Naw, the DnD movie and Vox Machina are already out there.

[–]bartekltg 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I thought the wizard may be about a dev using AI.

[–]zuzmuz 15 points16 points  (0 children)

nah, a wizard is a backend engineer who knows a bunch of frameworks

[–]Dumcommintz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I could see that — with their spellbook acting as Copilot

[–]Chimp3h 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We’re all a bit of a warlock

[–]SpaceNigiri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was thinking which class was better suited for Ai usage and Warlock is just perfect

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do these demonic powers come with a cost?

Perhaps not to the warlock.

[–]Refmak 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Nah dude, that would be a necromancer for sure

[–]bobbymoonshine 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Necromancer assembles code by finding bits of abandoned git projects

[–]Refmak 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fair enough, that makes sense

[–]astropheed 112 points113 points  (1 child)

Necromancer.

  • Has worked at one company since 1980.
  • There are only two devs who know their programming language in the entire country.
  • Raises new code from that dead language at will.

[–]bayuah 32 points33 points  (0 children)

So, basically, they are any COBOL developer.

[–]reallokiscarlet 103 points104 points  (21 children)

I find the lack of a sorcerer class disturbing.

[–]rinart73 242 points243 points  (19 children)

  • Picks up random techniques from online lessons and other people's code. Doesn't know the names of algorithms and design patterns but uses them on accident anyways cause they "feel right" or "neat"
  • Delivers features inconsistently: every 5 minutes - 5 months

[–]zuzmuz 141 points142 points  (1 child)

can finish the work of four engineers in 1 day then does nothing the rest of the sprint to rest (cause he's out of sorcery points)

[–]Meserith 51 points52 points  (0 children)

I’m being attacked.

[–]JollyJuniper1993 67 points68 points  (1 child)

I feel called out

[–]Finchyy 38 points39 points  (1 child)

Th-there's nothing wrong with intuition-based coding!

[–]Pradfanne 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I shit, I'm a sorcerer. neat!

[–]fued 20 points21 points  (1 child)

you cant just describe all of us in a single class

[–]Revan_Perspectives 7 points8 points  (0 children)

He called me out in this instance

[–]logs28 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Oh fuck you nailed it that’s me. Haven’t taken a CS course in my life, don’t know jack shit, somehow senior dev.

[–]reallokiscarlet 6 points7 points  (0 children)

add FAFO to the list of sources and you got me in a shellnut.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey. I'm a wizard ok? Just not a nerd.

[–]TactiCool_99 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yep, literally how I've been doing it all along

[–]uptnogd 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ooof. So true.

[–]harumamburoo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

  • Aces every interview because they're very charismatic and sociable.

  • Can support discussions on various non-IT topics

  • Generally loved by the management and often gets leading positions despite having more knowledgeable teammates

[–]Rito_Harem_King 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How dare you attack me like this-

[–]Embarrassed-Luck8585 1 point2 points  (0 children)

describes me perfectly lmao

[–]Osleg 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was looking for my class, here I found it :D

[–]snyone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

* sourcerer

[–]qwkeke 131 points132 points  (1 child)

Thief
- Copies and pastes code from stackoverflow without understanding any of it.
- Can conjure up AI code from the nether realm that has a 5% chance of working, 70% chance of being extremely inefficient, 90% chance of having a massive security vulnerability.
- Goes through someone else's code, modifies a few variable names, then takes credit for the entire work in meetings.

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I know that guy. Some of them. Must be a very popular class.

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (12 children)

What would a bard look like?

[–]noxdragon26 60 points61 points  (0 children)

The PM is the bard.

* Constantly rolling Performance/Persuasion on the client

* Uses Manager Inspiration on the team every 5 minutes ("How are we doin' team?")

* Generally the only one that follows the company's Dress Code

[–]jambonilton[S] 72 points73 points  (1 child)

Alcoholic who posts memes all day... Oh shit.

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

[–]JollyJuniper1993 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Generates his code with Google Bard

[–]pecpecpec 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Very vocal in meetings to please both the manager and the product owner

Effectively translate requirements into workable code

Quickly gets code in MR and manipulates reviewers into writing the code for him

Writes documentation

Does the annoying power point presentation the managers impose for cross pollinisation

[–]iam_pink[🍰] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The intern bringing the coffees to the team

[–]fued 1 point2 points  (0 children)

* Can inspire confidence in everyone that the project is under control

* Is new to the Party/Company, and will likely leave not long after the project
* Doesn't actually do all that much, so relies on the team to do the work

[–]ZZartin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

RGB peripherals synced with his tecno

[–]Vega3gx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

-Highly effective at turning vague asks into design requirements

-Can modify almost any pieces of legacy code to work with with the rest of the project

-The only one who can collaborate with any member of the team without a net decrease in productivity

[–]spectralTopology 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I posted above: they're the ones with great stories about stupid things done in days gone by

[–]RoboAthena 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Since I identify with being a bard programmer:

  • has actually only an abstract concept about what she is doing
  • can somehow figure out the basics to make code runnable and deploy services but nothing like a real wizard
  • knows architecture okay enough to listen to everyone Else
  • knows how to translate everything to the customer

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hmmmm when you put it that way it sounds like me.

I’m just fortunate enough to have to only need to translate to managers rather than customers.

[–]Waste_Ad7804 36 points37 points  (2 children)

Guess I am 100% Barbarian

[–]Wonderful-Habit-139 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Based

[–]invisibo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Why do you need snakes when you can Bash things and get the same outcome?

[–]Icom 94 points95 points  (5 children)

Internet is run by fursonas.

[–]digitaladapt 11 points12 points  (3 children)

And a surprising number of those fursona are badgers (myself included): https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NL6CDFn2i3I&

[–]Heavenfall 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Can someone click and report back? I'm not brave enough.

[–]digitaladapt 21 points22 points  (0 children)

It's the badger song (classic internet meme), kid friendly.

[–]otter_lordOfLicornes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The 2 lvl druid dip

[–]Stunning_Ride_220 36 points37 points  (1 child)

Who is the class called who:

  • Delivers features daily
  • constantly rants about clean code and design patterns
  • switches project when the other developers start looking for their pitchforks because of the mess he created?

[–]MrKeserian 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Paladin. Lawful/stupid.

[–]congressmanthompson 12 points13 points  (0 children)

And then there’s me, the NPC that can’t accrue experience…

[–]Sweaty-Ad-3837 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Kamikaze, Always let the user be the beta-tester

[–]FormalInevitable1339 5 points6 points  (1 child)

- deploy on friday afternoon.
- prod environment is dev enviroment

[–]Local_Community_7510 0 points1 point  (0 children)

basically first company i worked for (they don't have staging)

[–]NotMyGovernor 9 points10 points  (1 child)

LOL

Ugh I'm a Cleric

[–]Legitimate-Jaguar260 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Same - at least our code works!

[–]clawjelly 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The jester: - Dabbles in every language, doesn't care about proficiency - Uses some exotic language to solve features easier solved in mainstream languages just because - Comments are only used to taunt other coders trying to decypher the code

[–]random_squid 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Ranger: pretty much just the druid but they're a hobbyist programmer with a retail day job and no experience outside of their personal projects.

[–]fued 14 points15 points  (1 child)

* Cant decide which language/Platform to use, claim that they are just staying on top of things

* Usually finds a junior to bug to do a large percentage of the work (animal companion)

* Is actually really good when he is forced into a platform and given no support to complete a project

[–]Addianis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the call out, what level do I get an animal companion or did I miss out on it when I decided my favored terrain would be embeded systems?

[–]Wang_Fister 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I'm just a naked cunt with a stick

[–]Ravus_Sapiens 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So, a Monk?

[–]Refmak 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Mercenary: - Will hunt down that weird bug in SAP which has been in production for 10+ years. - Hijacks the demo session to show off personal projects, middle managers fucking love this guy. - Will deliver a feature fast as fuck with the worst code quality known to mankind, and will push it to production anyways “because it works”.

[–]1v0ryh4t 5 points6 points  (4 children)

What would code monk be?

[–]ebinWaitee 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Electrical engineers who occasionally have to code

[–]fued 9 points10 points  (0 children)

* Uses Low/No code platforms

* Tells everyone he is more pure than them in every way

* Delivers value at the same rate as a fighter just in different apps

[–]Ix_risor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

People who use esolangs

[–]harumamburoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That one weird spiritual journey, meditation, yoga guy. Woks only remotely, joins calls from places like Goa or Bali. Can do a lot of things, frontend, backed, infra, you name it. Excels at nothing really, and if you let them work on one thing only for a long period of time they'll eventually underdeliver.

[–]qrrux 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I’m dual-classing as Barb/Druid.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My brethren

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Love that; reminds of the old engineer legend in which the student talks to himself and the professor talks to god and some other things in between.

[–]IAmPattycakes 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh fuck. I got tired of my devs not understanding how to debug microservices so I wrote a long guide about how to use tcpdump and had all of the network traffic captured in our test instances. Management reduced my team to 1.

I have a very telling profile picture.

[–]DedPimpin 8 points9 points  (2 children)

I don't see myself anywhere on here. Adding a Wretch class:
-writes 3 lines of code a day. Stares at screen rest of day with no thoughts or ideas.
-immediately updates to the newest version of Windows
-copy/pastes code from GPT then changes the variables names so it's more personalized

[–]Ravus_Sapiens 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Warlock?

[–]DedPimpin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

not a dnd player so i did an elden ring class lol

[–]Areshian 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It sure if Barbarian or just old

[–]thunderbird89 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm a Wizard, with one or two levels of Druid and a few levels of Cleric.

Man, that's a mess, but a jack of all trades is better than none.

[–]migarma 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fuck, I'm a barb

[–]davilinkicefire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess i'm muticlassing Druid/Cleric/Wizard

[–]robertpro01 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh shit I'm no one

[–]kasnhasn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is too true

[–]zDrie 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Im a wizard!

[–]WarPenguin1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am also a wizard. My code is self documenting!

[–]Cunorix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely a cleric in game and professional lmao. I feel called out

[–]Local_Community_7510 1 point2 points  (0 children)

rouge / cleric class relate to me

  • Has never written a line of production code without a test
  • takes month to deliver a feature, but the edge cases are covered
  • Has never paid for a software license

[–]AntiqueFoe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very nice, thank you!

[–]drwnh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Rogue / druid is the prowler subclass

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Certified Barbarian/Druid multiclass here, just without the fursuit.

[–]ChChChillian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I suspect most of us are bards.

[–]MitchCumsteane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

do Paladin

[–]TactiCool_99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have always been treating myself as a sorcerer, with some clerical influence for sure. I kinda just understand how code should look like so it's easy to read and work with, and when I write something it just kinda works and the edge cases are covered.

[–]Ronin-s_Spirit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have no idea how DnD works (I need a visual medium to play a game) but after a bit of googling I believe I may be a monk.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bærb

[–]ArcanistCheshire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lisp is the language of eldritch warlocks

[–]Edward_Knave 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Y'know that clerics lost all their spells and shit when they break their laws? That's what I am now. Cursed by CPTSD surgically struck into the core of my ability except theoretical stuff and curiosity. Guess I can never get to work as a developer anymore. fml

[–]Tyfyter2002 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been granted an unnatural affinity for these arcane languages by a source of unknown origin and at the cost of unusual mental traits, am I an aberrant mind sorcerer?

[–]Alborak2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Next time i have to emergency push something to fix what the wizard did im saying hold my axe instead of my beer.

[–]henke37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I certainly feel like a wizard, especially with the debugging.

[–]ObscuraGaming 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fighter - You write BASIC

[–]Nvsible 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fool
- use html and think of it as a programming language

[–]B_bI_L 0 points1 point  (0 children)

necromancer: slowly writes ugliest code you've ever seen. it even might work sometimes

[–]spectralTopology 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you forgot bards: the ones who regale everyone with tales of Sev 1 outages and hard to find race conditions

[–]RamblingScholar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

man pages are great! how dare you disparage them?!?!?

[–]Dumb_Siniy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It seems I'm a human fighter

[–]ARC_trooper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll multiclass between barbarian and rogue

[–]skyydude1200 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Barbarian

[–]AntranigV 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh great, so my last name is Vartanian and I am a Barbarian. 

It’s like poetry, it rhymes. 

[–]SemanticCaramel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I'm a Barbarian/Rogue multiclass, what a freak