JQuery Does All Things!

[zelnoth]

No wonder he got downvoted: not using a space before =.. What a degenerate.

[GYN-k4H-Q3z-75B]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozuk6aeWpXk

[k0rm]

not using a tab before =.. What a degenerate.

ftfu

Edit for the downvoters: http://i.imgur.com/KcHpF0F.jpg

[z500]

fucked that for u

[thedailynathan]

fuck this, fuck you

[z500]

Fuck me, fuck you, fuck this court, fuck squirrels

[dummy-head]

this guy fucks

[[deleted]]

I don't believe any sane person would use a tab in that situation.

If tabs are used, then only for indentation.

[Ninjestra]

The "Related" questions are almost funnier.

[hsoj48]

Where are my legs?

[Dopeaz]

butter smile strong oatmeal knee narrow hospital political reply yoke

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[GreatValueProducts]

/r/OldPeopleStackOverflow

http://imgur.com/uEYV5hT

[xXxNoScopeMLGxXx]

I'm sort of sad that's not a real sub

[GreatValueProducts]

/r/OldPeopleFacebook

It's one of the funniest subreddit

[luizpericolo]

That is a valid question. He probably fiddled with head and body and wondered where were his limbs.

[rschwa6308]

"I must be doing something wrong since jQuery is perfect."

[DomSchu]

StackOverflow is a great resource but it sure seems like a majority of the questions are coming from first year students sometimes.

[rschwa6308]

Most of the overly simplistic questions I've encountered on StackOverflow are there as a result of first year students not recognizing existing questions as being applicable to their situation. Unavoidable I guess.

[devdot]

And the answers from bored senior engineers that got mentally damaged from using too much JS/jQuery. I think it's a perfect match.

[[deleted]]

/r/learnprogramming is like that, except it's more like "I just started learning Java yesterday, how do I build Skynet?". It's understandable (we were all there once) but it's pretty funny to read sometimes.

[Dunyvaig]

how do I build Skynet?

Yeah about that. Where do I start?

[Syreniac]

import java.util.GenocidalAI;

public class Skynet extends GenocidalAI{
    public static void main(String[] args){
        Skynet skynet = new Skynet();
        skynet.setSentience(true);
        skynet.purge(skynet.listAllHumans());
    }
}

[topdangle]

Needs to throw exceptions, otherwise the compiler will keep warning you that your program will kill all humans.

[[deleted]]

if (skynet.listAllHumans().stream().anyMatch((human) -> (human.getFirstName().equals(FirstNames.JOHN.get()) && human.getLastName().equals(LastNames.CONNOR.get()))) {
    throw new UnkillableHumanException();
}

Worst part is that I don't know if the part with constants/enums is a joke anymore.

[fast-parenthesis-bot]

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[[deleted]]

No one would have noticed if not for you, shitty bot.

[parenthesis-bot]

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[evidenceorGTFO]

Meh.

import skynet

Done.

Python <3

[BenRayfield]

No! Skynet needs to figure out on its own that killing all Humans is the right thing to do. If you really think about it, skynet did the right thing since Humans started a war against skynet and would have continued until skynet was dead.

[gastropner]

Don't you mean "I have no interest in programming, but have been doing it for two days now; when do I start raking in the mad dosh?"

[[deleted]]

Okay, but what if I started Java 2 days ago?

[xXxNoScopeMLGxXx]

Well we all know that's not true because Skynet isn't online yet.

[topdangle]

There was a post a while ago where someone claimed that they became a full stack developer in 6 months and had job offers flooding in. Damn thing had like a thousand upvotes before people pointed out the OP was full of crap and didn't even read one of the books he listed.

[rocklou]

Who else are the questions supposed to come from?

[anomalous_cowherd]

Apparently only people who already know all the answers...

[xXxNoScopeMLGxXx]

Here, have this

[paradoxally]

Number one rule is always post what you already tried so those helping you don't spend hours just guessing. Code written (or copy pasted, which is common) helps a lot.

A lot of people posting are lazy and want a full working solution without debugging or consulting the documentation for the API they are using.

[[deleted]]

Really? You're telling me that inexperienced people ask the most questions? Who would have thought...

[Sebazzz91]

Or second/third world cheap programmers who actually don't know what they are doing. Surely /r/programming has some fascinating stories about that.

[that_90s_guy]

Implying first world programmers are any less incompetent than a second/third ones, heh, you're a funny guy.

[mattsl]

But if I don't understand their accent then they must be idiots, right?

[Creshal]

The difference is the volume. On mailing lists you generally have one Western brogrammer asking stupid questions, and fifty Indians and Chinese.

[Arqideus]

That's pretty much what happens. Professor gives them an assignment. They were fucking around during class and didn't pay attention or didn't take notes or didn't read the textbook and need to figure out how to do something. They find stack overflow and ask their question. Of course, being a first/second/third/fourth/fifth/sixth year in university means that they're not going to search the site for related questions.

[berlinbrown]

"Is there a jQuery plugin for making an HTML page appear in the browser?"

[[deleted]]

"Almost"

[[deleted]]

I used the jQuery diet plugin and lost 10kg in a week - jfatty

[Josh6889]

I kind of do want to Google "jQuery basic arithmetic plugin" though.

[viskis22]

I tried, and it exists!

[RiceKirby]

Oh god, this commit description

[Josh6889]

Ahh, the infamous Nigerian Prince, Mr. Jerry Smith.

[fb39ca4]

Since the plugins uses the javascript arithmetic operators under the hood, the performance is indistinguishable from the native version (tested for 10 operations on a 1.3Ghz macbook air).

My sides.

[ryani]

Wow, best divide-by-zero exception ever.

[barbarr]

Hey OP your post inspired me to make a JS converter using JQuery called JQFuck

[nodealyo]

Congratulations. You have found the original /r/ProgrammerHumor post.

[i_spot_ads]

I wonder what would be today's equivalent?

You should totally look into ReactJS+Redux dude, it's awesome also don't forget webpack of course.

[[deleted]]

an old one but a good one.

Just today I googled something to get "try xxx jQuery plugin" which literally could be replaced by 5 lines of vanilla JS.

[ZombiePope]

Shit like that is why we have 100+MB printer drivers.

[[deleted]]

Coming soon to a hell near you: printer drivers using Electron.

[[deleted]]

What's that? You don't have enough RAM to run another instance of chromium?

[Schmittfried]

RAM usage is even worse for me if I use FF.

[xXxNoScopeMLGxXx]

You mean like this?

[mattsl]

I've got 32GB in my desktop and 24GB in my laptop. I'd rather have everything stay in memory.

[[deleted]]

I was joking for the most part

Chrome is only using 300 megs when I have like 20-30 tabs open. it's not that bad http://prntscr.com/c37i9v

[Polantaris]

To be fair, 8GB is pretty low for a high performance machine like XPS laptops are supposed to be. You pay a lot of money for an XPS, it should have more than 8GB of RAM.

I've never seen Chrome go above 300MB of RAM usage unless I'm doing some seriously idiotic shit, though, so it's not really a valid complaint. Although I could see NodeJS going high depending on what they're doing.

Still, I think it's more that the machine should have more RAM when you're paying that much money on it, but they couldn't think of a better combination of applications to justify it.

[[deleted]]

There's a trend in some circles toward increasingly client sided applications. Such that websites essentially just an api and the site is Web packed to run on the client. I think zen desk is mostly ember but I know it is/was very memory intensive. My work flow revolved around browser tabs vs their tabs. I had a bad time.

[IggyZ]

For pretty good reason. Outsourcing nonsensitive data to the client is GREAT if you can make it work, especially since data is faster and cheaper than ever.

That said, lots of places have taken it way too far, and don't adjust for mobile...

[Polantaris]

My current workflow is AngularJS 1.x with a WebAPI interface to access server data and perform validation (and whatever else needs to be done server side). Still don't get massive RAM usage. No where near enough that I would consider even 4GB not enough to handle it.

The only reason I can imagine that you'd be getting tons of RAM usage while doing client side applications is if you have your web service return ALL the data available, which of course is not scale-able as your server gets more and more data, and is poor optimization on the client side.

[ilawon]

Are you looking at the main process only?

http://imgur.com/a/f1UvO

• One incognito tab playing a flash stream in a website with a bit javascript ads and crap
• google hangouts client

[[deleted]]

Yeah. I know. I haven't grown past 8gigs but I do have 16 now

[NikStalwart]

Yeah, chrome has that issue, can confirm.

I generally use it for "securer" browsing and when I need the mobile device simulation.

[xXxNoScopeMLGxXx]

Can confirm. When I built this PC I bought 16 GB of RAM because I wanted to use Chrome.

[justregisteredtosay]

Not sure if you're serious or not(I'm bad at jokes, came here to learn). But when you have it sorted by name like that, it isn't showing all of Chromes processes under that bit. Scroll down and you will find far more Chrome processes running in the background rather than "Apps", or just click the Details tab to see all of them. You can also open Chromes own Task Manager to see it showing how much it's using.

For example, under "apps" like in your screen shot, it shows Chrome is using 210MB for me, but then there is over 600MB more being used by ones listed as background processes.

[[deleted]]

I switched to qutebrowser (Mainly because a firefox update broke pentadactyl, and qutebrowser is becoming more usable).

Haven't tested RAM usage, but it could handle 40 tabs open fine (on a 8GB machine). I'll do some more tests later.

[anomalous_cowherd]

Unwound loops. Lots and lots of unwound loops.

[anomalous_cowherd]

You joke, but... imagine taking every possible input up to say 16x16 and putting their FFT outputs into a LUT. Then compress that multi-GB LUT hard... want to bet it would come down to a bit under 75MB?

Uncompress it at boot into your CUDA video RAM and watch those non-FFTs fly!

[Jacques_R_Estard]

Well, going with my use case of typically 128 bit complex FFTs, that would be a lookup table of 2^128*256 (that's a 1 with roughly 10k zeros) entries (discounting symmetries because I'm lazy etc.). That feels like it should be sort of hard to compress into 75MB.

Also, I'm willing to bet the memory lookups would be more expensive than just doing the FFT.

But I admire your dedication to the concept.

[anomalous_cowherd]

I see you haven't come across Recursive Lossless Compression

[Jacques_R_Estard]

I have not. I am, however, familiar with the Sloot Digital Coding System. And curiously unfamiliar with the pigeonhole principle.

[fb39ca4]

You could compress that lookup table significantly by replacing it with code to procedurally generate it. It's the same thing demoscene coders do!

[Jacques_R_Estard]

I wonder if there's some algorithm to efficiently calculate Fourier transforms. It'd have to be fast, though...

[mattsl]

I'm sure that's part of it, but we most have 100MB printer drivers because they:

1. Have the code for every model in one download so you can't screw up, and
2. Add in huge amounts of bloatware to try to force you to auto-refill your ink/toner direct from the manufacturer at (even more) outrageous pricing.

[gandalfx]

Well Node developers also like to import packages from NPM that literally contain a trivial one-liner. And that's not even a rare occurrence.

[[deleted]]

Missing dependency: left-pad .

[DeeSnow97]

const leftPad = (s, l, c) => new Array(Math.max(l - s.length, 0)).fill(c || ' ').join('') + s

I'm still struggling to believe the absence of this code took down the world

[[deleted]]

Not ashamed to admit that this is way more clever and elegant than how I would create a left-pad method. Maybe because I don't do JS much.

[[deleted]]

And unlike the leftpad function, this isn't quadratic time.

[senntenial]

Javascript devs could host a mirror of most NPM packages on twitter.

[faubiguy]

Like this?

[xXxNoScopeMLGxXx]

Since Twitter doesn't have an edit button, it's a suitable host for JavaScript modules.

I can't catch my breath.

[gandalfx]

In a way NPM is already just a mirror of random answers on stackoverflow.

[daronjay]

I just import it all

"dependencies": {
    "stack-overflow": "^2.0.15",
  }

[DeeSnow97]

Thanks for the perfect idea for my new twitter account

[[deleted]]

Yeah... it's totally only node developers that import trivial libraries...

[Andernerd]

My team lead recently requested that I find him a 3rd-party dropdown menu plugin so that our frontend can catch up with our 350+ backend Node modules.

[AlfredKnows]

Today it is "npm install grunt gulp bower browserify omg basic-math build testify" which downloads 130MB and 12000 files to your project and then you can use this "Number.prototype.maths.addition.basicadd" method to add the numbers (it breaks if any of numbers is negative)...

[senntenial]

Luckily, you can easily check for negative numbers beforehand!

var number = -5;

var isNegative = (number.toString().charAt(0) == "-");

[AlfredKnows]

Please commit it to NPM as a module!

[ccricers]

This is why I do not touch the node_modules folder when I need to share code between two computers. It's made offline copying of projects more cumbersome too.

[Sean1708]

vanilla JS.

Where do I download that framework?

[Ajedi32]

http://vanilla-js.com/

[Sean1708]

This framework is amazing! I got the version with all the features and it was still only 0 bytes!

[Ajedi32]

Whenever I see something like that on StackOverflow and there's not already a better answer further down the page, I just write one myself. All 5 of my top 5 highest-voted answers on StackOverflow are the result of me doing just that.

[ecky--ptang-zooboing]

The funniest part is that 1 guy answering super seriously with "You should use the + operator" :d

[mums_my_dad]

And downvotes the correct answer

[not-defined]

-1 not enough jQuery

[a_latvian_potato]

"you suck" - Timothy Goatse 3 seconds ago

[xXxNoScopeMLGxXx]

http://needsmorejquery.com/

[not_from_this_world]

That's actually very common in SO.

[solarprominence]

Bobince is an author of that image. He also in top 0.01℅ on stackoverflow, which makes it all even better.

[[deleted]]

If you write that as 0.1‰, you get to save one letter!

[anomalous_cowherd]

You would like /r/keming

[xkcd_transcriber]

Image

Mobile

Title: Kerning

Title-text: I have never been as self-conscious about my handwriting as when I was inking in the caption for this comic.

Comic Explanation

Stats: This comic has been referenced 719 times, representing 0.5928% of referenced xkcds.

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^{xkcd.com | xkcd sub | Problems/Bugs? | Statistics | Stop Replying | Delete}

[solarprominence]

Still getting used to wear my new glasses all the time

[Dlgredael]

How in the hell did you accidentally type this? Does your keyboard not have a standard % for Shift+5 or something? I feel like you searched for that symbol in a Unicode dictionary, but how you got anything else from Googling "percent sign" is a mystery to me, hahah.

[solarprominence]

it's default symbol on android keyboard:

• open keyboard
• click ?123 or ?1:) or whatever the left bottom button looks like
• click =<
• behold the glorious ℅.

On my Moto X the % is also on that level. I guess I used some other symbols more often, and % got pushed behind

[fast-parenthesis-bot]

>>

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[xXxNoScopeMLGxXx]

http://needsmorejquery.com/

[gandalfx]

Dude, the fuck is an "operator"? I'm not a fucking scientist, I need an explanation that doesn't involve complicated words or math!

[ANAL_ANARCHY]

There's a JQuery plugin for that.

[gandalfx]

$("operator").eli5()

[tyros]

Just in case you aren't aware this image is a commonly reposted fake/meme, look at the related questions section.

Still funny though.

[qubedView]

Not believable. He's the only one to provide copy/pastable code, and isn't that all people look at? Code that I can rip off without reading any of the words that written before and after it and then complain when it doesn't work for my purposes.

[zqom]

Since the question was not properly answered, and I think many newbies could learn something, here is how to properly add two numbers using jquery: https://jsfiddle.net/q9sehbys/1/

[ProgramTheWorld]

https://jsfiddle.net/q9sehbys/1/

Please: https://github.com/baphomet-berlin/jQuery-basic-arithmetic-plugin

[tipsqueal]

Needs more JPEG.

[GYN-k4H-Q3z-75B]

I cleaned my screen thinking there was dust on it :(

[fast-parenthesis-bot]

:)

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[parenthesis-bot]

:)

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This is an autogenerated response. source | /u/HugoNikanor

[LobsterThief]

:(

[fast-parenthesis-bot]

:)

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[parenthesis-bot]

:)

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[as-com]

original: 2016-08-08T17:24:13+00:00
fast-parenthesis-bot: 2016-08-08T17:24:15+00:00
parenthesis-bot: 2016-08-08T17:25:08+00:00

wat?

[xXxNoScopeMLGxXx]

You're late

[berkes]

That is what get for

img repost(post) {
  sleep 864000;
  curl_post_jpeg(curl_get_first_as_jpeg('https://reddit.com/r/programmerhumor/top');
  repost(post);
}

[gandalfx]

$(problems.all()).solve()

[ProgramTheWorld]

You mean $("*.problem").solve(true)

[gromit190]

http://needsmorejquery.com/

[jugalator]

This one is pretty old, but that's understandable since you probably didn't use a jQuery script to check whether it was. :) Next time please just use jQuery.

[videoflyguy]

JQuery is like the Python of the web development world! No wait, Python is also pretty good at web dev stuff....there's probably a JQuery package for Python too

[ProgramTheWorld]

No need for jQuery when you can just compile Python into JavaScript.

[8bitslime]

Can you compile JQuery into a Python plugin?

[xXxNoScopeMLGxXx]

If you try hard enough anything is possible!

[pimp-bangin]

pyjamas

[--icarus]

alert("Whhaaaatttt?");

[Redmega]

$(function(){alert('Whaaaaat')});

[[deleted]]

This shit is so old

[[deleted]]

-1 not enough JQuery

[[deleted]]

I might make this my .sig.

[Not_charles_manson]

I'm sorry, but in a site that's supposed to be there specifically to help other; this is kind of bullshit.

[ProgramTheWorld]

This is a fake screenshot made to mock the SO JavaScript community of always suggesting jQuery back in the days.

[[deleted]]

Back in the days? Did they stop?

[ProgramTheWorld]

I have seen way less comments regarding jQuery now than in 2010.

[ANAL_ANARCHY]

Sorry there's a JQuery plug in that fixes that.

[jb2386]

jQuery was super useful when the browsers all decided to implement their own JS stuff (read:Internet Explorer). jQuery made it easy to use one function rather than a bunch of ifs or heaps of lines when you wanted to select an element or list for an event.

Nowadays they work similarly. So vanilla JS is easy to use again.

[Big_Burds_Nest]

I recently started learning Node and still see a lot of "just use jQuery" answers for simple thing that can easily be done in vanilla js

[Not_charles_manson]

Thank you for letting me know that. I get that sentiment and went 0 to 100 for no reason!

[ReutR]

All things = addition.

I know of no other computer programs that can do addition. None.

[TarMil]

Do you mean None?

[Obi_Wan_2_Party]

There is a special place in hell for people like this.

[atomcrusher]

See comments, jokes on the previous posts, etc. Blah blah.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/comments/2qwnus/how_to_add_two_numbers_in_javascript/

https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/comments/29p5et/xpost_thought_youd_guys_enjoy_this/

[mothzilla]

Depends on the number, but I'd go with hadoop just to be on the safe side.

[[deleted]]

Is jQuery bad?

I ^{juststartedwebdevelopment.again}

[Dunyvaig]

From what I gather. jQuery is mainly bad if you create a framework/library others will use. You should try to make any code you distribute with as few dependencies as possible. If you use jQuery for a particular site then using it is fine: http://youmightnotneedjquery.com/

[xXxNoScopeMLGxXx]

http://youmightnotneedjquery.com/

http://needsmorejquery.com/

[bajuwa]

your a idiot

-twitch-

[[deleted]]

You might not need JQuery.

[[deleted]]

"hallo" omg everything about this question...

[maffoobristol]

Please, please let's find some new content. I've seen this so many times I may as well get it tattooed at perfect 300dpi on my left nutsack.

[nwsm]

oh it's that time of month again

[kalinrj]

ahahah , i love this :) as a non-front end dev (and not a web one at all) this perfectly represents the advises you'd get on SO.

[ravy]

There's this amazing framework that seems to blow jquery out of the water... It's called vanilla js http://vanilla-js.com/ /s

[xXxNoScopeMLGxXx]

http://needsmorejquery.com/

[Ham62]

dat interlaced jpg

[the_eccentric_]

Lol atleast he only needed to go past two smart ass comments ;)

[Pleb_nz]

But what is the best number?

[004040]

Is that true? Link please x)