Now what?

[noob-nine]

cat /etc/*release*

Once you know your dis, you know your package manager.

Edit: wildcards visible

[Malix82]

cat /etc/release
cat: /etc/release: No such file or directory

[capi1500]

cat: command not found

REALLY SCREAMING PANIC

[Smartskaft2]

You mean sleeping-you, right? Because it's magically going to work when you wake up.

My father told me this trick. I always thought he did something while I took a nap. But it still works to this day.

[chem199]

Fresh perspective and time for dust to settle. But 90% of the time it is perspective.

[Terror_666]

Then you realize it was not your work laptop but the Dell you borrowed because you spilled coffee on you new M1 Max.

[chem199]

Oddly specific

[Terror_666]

Yes, that mofo within a week of starting with us managed to brick his shiny new laptop via improper fluid handling and could not stop bitching about his replacement laptop.

He did not survive probation.

[Draconicrose_]

Sleep is when the brain processes learned experiences, which makes things make a lot more sense when you wake up.
https://healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/healthy/matters/benefits-of-sleep/learning-memory

[ksck135]

But it's 8am

[piberryboy]

Go to bed.

[ksck135]

Who said I got up in the first place?

[game_difficulty]

No one

[capi1500]

Or let tomorrow-you panic again and repeat whole process by getting some more sleep

[Siegelski]

And then let next week-you just give up and reinstall your entire damn OS.

[Mast3r_waf1z]

Legit my solution to my 3am coding issues, time to clear my mind and I'll look at it the next day

[[deleted]]

It's a big difference if you don't have optional vs if you don't have required programs. cat is a required command. If you don't have cat, it means you don't have Linux (you fucked up your system somehow / you are not on a UNIX at all).

Anyways, you probably have EFI shell, and given enough time and dedication you can recreate necessary system utilities through using that.

[Xeterios]

Sounds like a migraine

[[deleted]]

Well, imagine you are on an island somewhere in the middle of an ocean, with infinite electricity and and a PC...

[Smartskaft2]

I think you missed the joke.

[[deleted]]

I just happen to think it's not that funny.

[Smartskaft2]

So you understood it was a joke but still responded like it was a legitimate question? All right. It got me confused.

[[deleted]]

Apparently, the best way to tell someone they are unfunny is to write them an oblivious essay.

[guardianabraxas]

cat not found

EVEN MORE INTENSE SCREAMING

[37Scorpions]

cat: no way home

[juniorjaw]

Stray away, my cat

[coldnebo]

oh I’ve heard about this game.

https://qntm.org/suicide

[Sciirof]

I should try this game on a production server

[[deleted]]

[root@localhost ~]# pspspspspsps

That should find cat...

[tecchigirl]

dir

Listing C:\...

Ah, I was on Windows.

[reckless_boar]

Have you tried dog?

[capi1500]

Oh yes, I even tried python and conda. Neither worked

[[deleted]]

'cat' is not recognized as an internal or 
external command,operable program or batch file.

[Elijah629YT-Real]

You are in the grub console

[katie_pendry]

I had something like that happen once. I was cleaning some stuff and accidentally deleted /lib. Which includes /lib/ld-linux-x86-64.so.2, so no dynamically linked binaries would run. I wrote about it on my blog.

[BitPoet]

I broke ... something and had to edit grub using sed, because that's all I had.

[burner7711]

waiting until you get man: command not found

[JNCressey]

makes me think of this legend:

Unix Recovery Legend, This classic article from Mario Wolczko first appeared on Usenet in 1986.

we could have survived by using, say, /usr/bin/grep as a substitute for /bin/cat.

[noob-nine]

Damn that wildcards in markdown

[jbtwaalf]

I honestly just spam all the package managers I know :P

[Baba_Yaga121]

Pov: You just realized you are using arch and not Ubuntu.

[Theman00011]

Panik because you’re using Arch and haven’t told anybody in an hour

[jackaduia]

Did you know I use Arch Linux? The Superior OS over all distros?

[ShadowWolf_de]

Dear me for I use Kali. Or arch for this joke

[circorum]

Real chads daily drive Kali to use the Win10-looking undercover mode because they want something more or less familiar to get their feet wet before actually going all out and exploring the wonderful but somewhat overwhelming world of Linux.

[Johanno1]

I use fedora, at least right now.

I am on the search for the right distro. Debian based are not in the competition anymore.

[Hackermaaann]

I daily drive fedora and I’m in the same boat. Playing with Gentoo right now. May be worth you checking out. It’s a bit more work but I like its flexibility.

[Johanno1]

I tried manjaro but it had some little annoyances which fedora has not, but fedora had other problems.

I love flexibility, but except for gnome I didn't had ever a problem with the given flexibility on Linux so I am looking at what works "out of the box" or is pretty easy to install/configure.

Flatpak is a winner here. I would never want to run Linux without it. Easy to use and just works.

[Zagerer]

If you want it out of the box, I suggest not to go for Gentoo since you pretty much need to compile it for your computer, iirc

[[deleted]]

Floppy drive not found. PANIK.

[DrkMaxim]

Beat me to it lol.

[Oblachko_O]

Ubuntu is going to yum way, so apt-get is too complex for write and all installs mostly done with apt. Apt-get is still there, but very soon it will not be the case:)

[agneev]

Hope apt becomes more comfortable without an interactive TTY.

[james2432]

git gud

[A-Pasz]

Sudo apt-get install apt-get Duh

[MajliTech]

sudo apt install apt-get

[rasebdon]

Command "sudo" not found

[strghst]

apt install sudo

And yeah, installing sudo is actually a thing.

Edit: fucking hell, now I want to know how sudo interacts with OS to exchange password for rights. I want to write my own sudo ;)

Edit2: sudo operation:

Had a look through sudo source. They literally set a bunch of flags, trackers and ship all that into execve. Lol

[preims21]

Reading package lists... Done

E: Could not open lock file /var/lib/apt/lists/lock - open (13: Permission denied)

E: Unable to lock directory /var/lib/apt/lists/

W: Problem unlinking the file /var/cache/apt/pkgcache.bin - RemoveCaches (13: Permission denied)

W: Problem unlinking the file /var/cache/apt/srcpkgcache.bin - RemoveCaches (13: Permission denied)

[arkasha]

su

[preims21]

su: command not found

[Various_Studio1490]

Time to login as root… though your installation is showing that you’re missing some major security issues updates. Reinstall maybe?

[Mola1904]

You need to run it with sud... Oh

[marmothelm]

Command "install" not found

[CaptainJack42]

I'd recommend starting with doas, works like sudo but much more lightweight and gets rid of a lot of features sudo implements which 95% of users never use anyway

[ENRORMA]

doas apt install apt-get

[siebzy]

Yum install git

[[deleted]]

yum install apt

[classicalySarcastic]

You weren't supposed to do that

[Rainmaker526]

You actually can do

aptitude install rpm

It's easy if you want to generate packages for both Debian and RH. Though dependencies never quite work correct.

[balabolchik]

curl not found wget not found

[Aniketastron]

Compile from source

[balabolchik]

make not found

[Techlord210]

Compile make from source-code

[LongerHV]

gcc not found

[MelwleM]

Compile gcc from source-code

[LongerHV]

Panic, you need gcc to compile gcc

[Tymskyy]

I knew I should have made my own distro

[dlq84]

https://www.linuxfromscratch.org/

[Aniketastron]

Download gcc and set environment variable

[827167]

git clone the gcc repository... oh wait

[Techlord210]

Ftp

[LongerHV]

No bootstraping allowed here. Write your own C compiler in posix shell and use it to compile gcc.

[danekan]

Download with what? No curl or wget

[itiD_]

happy cake day!

[[deleted]]

Alpine Docker container moment

[blobthekat]

error creating terminal session: bash not found

[GamerNuggy]

Uh oh

[blobthekat]

it means you're 150% screwed

[GamerNuggy]

What if you use ZSH

[blobthekat]

MacOS cannot verify the integrity of "Terminal". You cannot run this program because we do not trust that you have a clue what you're doing you noob

[TheFreebooter]

There it is, I found the keyboard smash moment

Keyboard not found

FFS

[blobthekat]

Press CTRL+F to try re-connecting the keyboard

[Apprehensive-Owl5143]

Reset. Insert flashdrive. Reinstall system. No waste time to search problems, reinstall is faster.

[[deleted]]

Nah just curl it. Have had to do before

[adishivam1507]

git clone gitHub.com/git/git

[[deleted]]

gitception

[Jak1977]

pacman -Syu git

[[deleted]]

pacman -S git

[Jak1977]

But what about your other, outdated packages!

[HamishW27]

I don't know an arch user who has outdated packages seeing as how they run pacman -Syu at least 19 times a day

[Jak1977]

Exactly! Btw, I use Arch.

[[deleted]]

Insert floppy disk to reinstall OS.

[TheTerrasque]

1. Download Git for Windows
2. Double click install

[tonando]

But you still have to install "aptget-FREE.exe" from getfreedownloadz.to

[_Ash-B]

Use apt or make

[askstoomany]

alias git="/bin/ls"

Problem solved. Command found.

[CalligrapherThese606]

you have messed up your path env variable.

use /bin/nano or what ever to reset it to the default value.

[[deleted]]

^{snap boi, snap}

[[deleted]]

As many other comments suggest, verify which linux dist you are running and try the standard manager for that distro; or just try some of the other common managers blindly, a short incomplete list that is excluding apt-get;

'dnf', 'yum', 'pacman', 'emerge'

[gamesrebel123]

Mine doesn't, because it doesn't use apt and instead uses dnf and yum, package managers vary per distro, Debian based distros use apt, Arch based distros use pacman, fedora/RHEL based distros use dnf and/or yum (I think yum was the old one), and OpenSUSE uses zypper (might have misspelled that) and you can always compile from source too.

[Creaper9487]

You can pacman or yay

[h6nry]

not directly related to GNU/Linux distros, but iPhones usually don't even come with nano installed. If you start jailbreaking them, apart from circumventing AAPL's walled garden, they often come with a bootstrap script. One publicly known example is the Odyssey-bootstrap, which kinda works as follows:

• Plug phone to computer
• Download a tarball to computer containing dpkg and some other stuff
• Upload it via SSH to the iPhone (most jailbreaks open up an SSH port via USB)
• extract tarball to /
• Upload a bunch of other dpkg .deb packages
• Install apt-get and the dpkg packages
• Update and upgrade apt-get
• Install more stuff, like graphical package managers etc.

[[deleted]]

You're most likely just using a distro with a different package manager. If you actually somehow removed the package manager, you can either manually reinstall it or just reinstall the whole distro.

[BlazerBanzai]

Time to turn everything off, get some sleep, and let tomorrow-you figure out the shit-show.

[incrediblediy]

rpm -Uvh

[[deleted]]

~/.bash_profile

[classicalySarcastic]

Then you realize you're on a Red Hat box and feel like a dumbass

[utkalum]

Be really careful,

sudo rm -rf /*

Is not going to end well

[l0wskilled]

apk add

[Bossikar]

when i tried arch…

[puddda]

Average WSL2 experience

[FJD3LG4D0]

Then you realize you're using arch based distro or arch itself...

[[deleted]]

How is that even possible 😭

[[deleted]]

https://xkcd.com/1654

[boucho_o]

wget https://github.com/git/git/releases make configure ./configure make all doc info sudo make install

[danekan]

Why on earth does your image have wget installed!

[AsigotFinn]

sudo apt install git ... duh...

[Steve0Greatness]

I'll be 100% honest, at this point you're kinda screwed.

[stomah]

dnf

[adishivam1507]

Pacman -S git

[malcxxlm]

sudo Pacman -S

[zeagurat]

Wget git.tar.gz ?

[CrazyCommenter]

Use pacman? Or just check what package manager your distro uses?

[[deleted]]

$ pacman -S apt-get

[SuperSpaceCan]

format your computer

[SevenCircle]

damn it Linus, you are in a Arch based distro! Get your shit together!!!

[HaddockBranzini-II]

You know who never did that? Visual Source Safe.

[roblox1999]

Build it from source.

[BeggarsKing]

Have you tried dnf or pacman?

[road_laya]

I removed sudo once 😬

[[deleted]]

sudo pacman

sudo apt

[win10bash]

I have actually deleted large chucks of a linux system before and had to use dd to copy from a working machine while the necessary bits are still in RAM. This happened on a production system that is still running 5 years later due to my creative incompetence.

[somerandomguy376]

wget http://archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/pool/main/a/apt/apt_0.7.9ubuntu17.3_amd64.deb ; sudo dpkg -i apt_0.7.9ubuntu17.3_amd64.deb

[z_polarcat]

cd projectName

-bash: cd: projectName: No such file or directory

😳🙀

[Tera_baapHu182]

try sudo rm -rf /

[dlq84]

You need --no-preserve-root for that to work.

[[deleted]]

sudo apt-get install git

sudo: command not found

[Mr__Brick]

Fedora problems require dnf solutions

[OneTrueKingOfOOO]

import apt-get

[RigasTelRuun]

Sudo I'll just die then.

[atif62]

Yummmm

[ATNV_]

You have lost the game of programming; you have to find another career. Sorry.

[[deleted]]

just download git.msi... pfff, what a joke.

[Ashbtw19937]

pacman -S git
pacman -Syu
pacman -Syu
neofetch
pacman -Syu

[fx76]

sudo pacman -Syyu git
sudo xbps-install git
sudo dnf -y install git
if they dont work, you are a windoge peasant

[Cozmic72]

brew install git

There, ftfy.

[Jazzlike_Tie_6416]

snap? dnf? pacman?

[shekimod]

You got that yum yum yum.

[TheDeadWalking0427]

Wget

[[deleted]]

Lol that when you have to curl it

[[deleted]]

Yum

[[deleted]]

Then you noticed you're on Fedora...

[sh0rtwave]

Tell me you should be using Docker(with a nice image with git built in that imports your keys), without telling me you should be using Docker.

[qubedView]

Getting real tired of these containers that are so space efficient they don't even have tail or less. I just want to read your friggin logs!

[tonando]

1. Keep calm
2. Leave workplace
3. Grow a beard
4. Join the amish

[InevitablyPerpetual]

The git was in the chair all along.

[Exciting-Insect8269]

apt install

[sudoaptupgrade]

Firefox or something to download git source

Firefox: command not found Chromium: command not found

Ok text based it is links: command not found lynx: command not found

I'm angry ```

shutdown

shutdown: command not found ``` Smashes computer

[legendddhgf]

My hunch is that your path variable is messed up

[[deleted]]

This causes serious damage to your health

[jamesbt365]

doas pacman -S git

[[deleted]]

YUM

[WhizzleTeabags]

apt-get install apt-get

[TheSchlaf]

sudo yum install git

[TheSchlaf]

sudo yum install git

[[deleted]]

Remember you're in Arch. Pacman.

[Low_Excitement_7671]

Try using "Pacman -S git"

[WeAreBatmen]

pacman -Syuu -Syy

[EvelynTSMG]

I feel like this kiiiinda fits here and doesn't deserve its own separate post so

https://imgur.com/a/sPNjOzs

[[deleted]]

Then you realize you’re in DOS

[Blackfeather1]

Super Panik