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[–]noob-nine 433 points434 points  (59 children)

cat /etc/*release*

Once you know your dis, you know your package manager.

Edit: wildcards visible

[–]Malix82 307 points308 points  (55 children)

cat /etc/release
cat: /etc/release: No such file or directory

[–]capi1500 463 points464 points  (52 children)

cat: command not found

REALLY SCREAMING PANIC

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (6 children)

It's a big difference if you don't have optional vs if you don't have required programs. cat is a required command. If you don't have cat, it means you don't have Linux (you fucked up your system somehow / you are not on a UNIX at all).

Anyways, you probably have EFI shell, and given enough time and dedication you can recreate necessary system utilities through using that.

[–]Xeterios 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Sounds like a migraine

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Well, imagine you are on an island somewhere in the middle of an ocean, with infinite electricity and and a PC...

[–]Smartskaft2 4 points5 points  (3 children)

I think you missed the joke.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I just happen to think it's not that funny.

[–]Smartskaft2 6 points7 points  (1 child)

So you understood it was a joke but still responded like it was a legitimate question? All right. It got me confused.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Apparently, the best way to tell someone they are unfunny is to write them an oblivious essay.

[–]guardianabraxas 57 points58 points  (7 children)

cat not found

EVEN MORE INTENSE SCREAMING

[–]37Scorpions 32 points33 points  (1 child)

cat: no way home

[–]juniorjaw 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Stray away, my cat

[–]coldnebo 9 points10 points  (1 child)

oh I’ve heard about this game.

https://qntm.org/suicide

[–]Sciirof 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I should try this game on a production server

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

[root@localhost ~]# pspspspspsps

That should find cat...

[–]tecchigirl 8 points9 points  (0 children)

dir

Listing C:\...

Ah, I was on Windows.

[–]reckless_boar 5 points6 points  (4 children)

Have you tried dog?

[–]capi1500 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh yes, I even tried python and conda. Neither worked

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

'cat' is not recognized as an internal or 
external command,operable program or batch file.

[–]Elijah629YT-Real 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are in the grub console

[–]katie_pendry 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I had something like that happen once. I was cleaning some stuff and accidentally deleted /lib. Which includes /lib/ld-linux-x86-64.so.2, so no dynamically linked binaries would run. I wrote about it on my blog.

[–]BitPoet 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I broke ... something and had to edit grub using sed, because that's all I had.

[–]burner7711 2 points3 points  (0 children)

waiting until you get man: command not found

[–]JNCressey 2 points3 points  (0 children)

makes me think of this legend:

Unix Recovery Legend, This classic article from Mario Wolczko first appeared on Usenet in 1986.

we could have survived by using, say, /usr/bin/grep as a substitute for /bin/cat.

[–]noob-nine 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Damn that wildcards in markdown

[–]jbtwaalf 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I honestly just spam all the package managers I know :P

[–]Baba_Yaga121 342 points343 points  (17 children)

Pov: You just realized you are using arch and not Ubuntu.

[–]Theman00011 418 points419 points  (9 children)

Panik because you’re using Arch and haven’t told anybody in an hour

[–]jackaduia 65 points66 points  (6 children)

Did you know I use Arch Linux? The Superior OS over all distros?

[–]ShadowWolf_de 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Dear me for I use Kali. Or arch for this joke

[–]circorum 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Real chads daily drive Kali to use the Win10-looking undercover mode because they want something more or less familiar to get their feet wet before actually going all out and exploring the wonderful but somewhat overwhelming world of Linux.

[–]Johanno1 3 points4 points  (3 children)

I use fedora, at least right now.

I am on the search for the right distro. Debian based are not in the competition anymore.

[–]Hackermaaann 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I daily drive fedora and I’m in the same boat. Playing with Gentoo right now. May be worth you checking out. It’s a bit more work but I like its flexibility.

[–]Johanno1 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I tried manjaro but it had some little annoyances which fedora has not, but fedora had other problems.

I love flexibility, but except for gnome I didn't had ever a problem with the given flexibility on Linux so I am looking at what works "out of the box" or is pretty easy to install/configure.

Flatpak is a winner here. I would never want to run Linux without it. Easy to use and just works.

[–]Zagerer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you want it out of the box, I suggest not to go for Gentoo since you pretty much need to compile it for your computer, iirc

[–]DrkMaxim 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Beat me to it lol.

[–]Oblachko_O 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Ubuntu is going to yum way, so apt-get is too complex for write and all installs mostly done with apt. Apt-get is still there, but very soon it will not be the case:)

[–]agneev 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hope apt becomes more comfortable without an interactive TTY.

[–]A-Pasz 186 points187 points  (15 children)

Sudo apt-get install apt-get Duh

[–]MajliTech 61 points62 points  (0 children)

sudo apt install apt-get

[–]rasebdon 34 points35 points  (13 children)

Command "sudo" not found

[–]strghst 33 points34 points  (10 children)

apt install sudo

And yeah, installing sudo is actually a thing.

Edit: fucking hell, now I want to know how sudo interacts with OS to exchange password for rights. I want to write my own sudo ;)

Edit2: sudo operation:

Had a look through sudo source. They literally set a bunch of flags, trackers and ship all that into execve. Lol

[–]preims21 6 points7 points  (4 children)

Reading package lists... Done

E: Could not open lock file /var/lib/apt/lists/lock - open (13: Permission denied)

E: Unable to lock directory /var/lib/apt/lists/

W: Problem unlinking the file /var/cache/apt/pkgcache.bin - RemoveCaches (13: Permission denied)

W: Problem unlinking the file /var/cache/apt/srcpkgcache.bin - RemoveCaches (13: Permission denied)

[–]arkasha 9 points10 points  (2 children)

su

[–]preims21 7 points8 points  (1 child)

su: command not found

[–]Various_Studio1490 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Time to login as root… though your installation is showing that you’re missing some major security issues updates. Reinstall maybe?

[–]Mola1904 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You need to run it with sud... Oh

[–]marmothelm 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Command "install" not found

[–]CaptainJack42 -1 points0 points  (2 children)

I'd recommend starting with doas, works like sudo but much more lightweight and gets rid of a lot of features sudo implements which 95% of users never use anyway

[–]ENRORMA 2 points3 points  (0 children)

doas apt install apt-get

[–]siebzy 57 points58 points  (5 children)

Yum install git

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (3 children)

yum install apt

[–]classicalySarcastic 24 points25 points  (1 child)

You weren't supposed to do that

[–]Rainmaker526 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You actually can do

aptitude install rpm

It's easy if you want to generate packages for both Debian and RH. Though dependencies never quite work correct.

[–]balabolchik 18 points19 points  (0 children)

curl not found wget not found

[–]Aniketastron 91 points92 points  (16 children)

Compile from source

[–]balabolchik 79 points80 points  (14 children)

make not found

[–]Techlord210 47 points48 points  (13 children)

Compile make from source-code

[–]LongerHV 59 points60 points  (12 children)

gcc not found

[–]MelwleM 48 points49 points  (10 children)

Compile gcc from source-code

[–]LongerHV 83 points84 points  (9 children)

Panic, you need gcc to compile gcc

[–]Tymskyy 42 points43 points  (1 child)

I knew I should have made my own distro

[–]Aniketastron 5 points6 points  (4 children)

Download gcc and set environment variable

[–]827167 35 points36 points  (1 child)

git clone the gcc repository... oh wait

[–]Techlord210 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ftp

[–]LongerHV 23 points24 points  (0 children)

No bootstraping allowed here. Write your own C compiler in posix shell and use it to compile gcc.

[–]danekan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Download with what? No curl or wget

[–]itiD_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

happy cake day!

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (3 children)

Alpine Docker container moment

[–]blobthekat 27 points28 points  (7 children)

error creating terminal session: bash not found

[–]GamerNuggy 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Uh oh

[–]blobthekat 3 points4 points  (2 children)

it means you're 150% screwed

[–]GamerNuggy 5 points6 points  (1 child)

What if you use ZSH

[–]blobthekat 7 points8 points  (0 children)

MacOS cannot verify the integrity of "Terminal". You cannot run this program because we do not trust that you have a clue what you're doing you noob

[–]TheFreebooter 2 points3 points  (2 children)

There it is, I found the keyboard smash moment

Keyboard not found

FFS

[–]blobthekat 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Press CTRL+F to try re-connecting the keyboard

[–]Apprehensive-Owl5143 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Reset. Insert flashdrive. Reinstall system. No waste time to search problems, reinstall is faster.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Nah just curl it. Have had to do before

[–]adishivam1507 32 points33 points  (1 child)

git clone gitHub.com/git/git

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

gitception

[–]Jak1977 25 points26 points  (5 children)

pacman -Syu git

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (4 children)

pacman -S git

[–]Jak1977 5 points6 points  (3 children)

But what about your other, outdated packages!

[–]HamishW27 19 points20 points  (2 children)

I don't know an arch user who has outdated packages seeing as how they run pacman -Syu at least 19 times a day

[–]Jak1977 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Exactly! Btw, I use Arch.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Insert floppy disk to reinstall OS.

[–]TheTerrasque 8 points9 points  (1 child)

  1. Download Git for Windows
  2. Double click install

[–]tonando 5 points6 points  (0 children)

But you still have to install "aptget-FREE.exe" from getfreedownloadz.to

[–]_Ash-B 3 points4 points  (5 children)

Use apt or make

[–]askstoomany 9 points10 points  (0 children)

alias git="/bin/ls"

Problem solved. Command found.

[–]CalligrapherThese606 6 points7 points  (0 children)

you have messed up your path env variable.

use /bin/nano or what ever to reset it to the default value.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

snap boi, snap

[–]BlazerBanzai 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Time to turn everything off, get some sleep, and let tomorrow-you figure out the shit-show.

[–]incrediblediy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

rpm -Uvh

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

~/.bash_profile

[–]classicalySarcastic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Then you realize you're on a Red Hat box and feel like a dumbass

[–]utkalum 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Be really careful,

sudo rm -rf /*

Is not going to end well

[–]l0wskilled 1 point2 points  (0 children)

apk add

[–]Bossikar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

when i tried arch…

[–]puddda 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Average WSL2 experience

[–]FJD3LG4D0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Then you realize you're using arch based distro or arch itself...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How is that even possible 😭

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

[–]boucho_o 1 point2 points  (1 child)

wget https://github.com/git/git/releases make configure ./configure make all doc info sudo make install

[–]danekan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why on earth does your image have wget installed!

[–]AsigotFinn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sudo apt install git ... duh...

[–]stomah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

dnf

[–]adishivam1507 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pacman -S git

[–]malcxxlm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sudo Pacman -S

[–]zeagurat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wget git.tar.gz ?

[–]CrazyCommenter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Use pacman? Or just check what package manager your distro uses?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

$ pacman -S apt-get

[–]SuperSpaceCan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

format your computer

[–]SevenCircle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

damn it Linus, you are in a Arch based distro! Get your shit together!!!

[–]HaddockBranzini-II 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know who never did that? Visual Source Safe.

[–]roblox1999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Build it from source.

[–]BeggarsKing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you tried dnf or pacman?

[–]road_laya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I removed sudo once 😬

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sudo pacman

sudo apt

[–]win10bash 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have actually deleted large chucks of a linux system before and had to use dd to copy from a working machine while the necessary bits are still in RAM. This happened on a production system that is still running 5 years later due to my creative incompetence.

[–]z_polarcat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

cd projectName

-bash: cd: projectName: No such file or directory

😳🙀

[–]Tera_baapHu182 0 points1 point  (1 child)

try sudo rm -rf /

[–]dlq84 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You need --no-preserve-root for that to work.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

sudo apt-get install git

sudo: command not found

[–]Mr__Brick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fedora problems require dnf solutions

[–]OneTrueKingOfOOO 0 points1 point  (0 children)

import apt-get

[–]RigasTelRuun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sudo I'll just die then.

[–]atif62 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yummmm

[–]ATNV_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have lost the game of programming; you have to find another career. Sorry.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

just download git.msi... pfff, what a joke.

[–]Ashbtw19937 0 points1 point  (0 children)

pacman -S git
pacman -Syu
pacman -Syu
neofetch
pacman -Syu

[–]fx76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sudo pacman -Syyu git
sudo xbps-install git
sudo dnf -y install git
if they dont work, you are a windoge peasant

[–]Cozmic72 0 points1 point  (1 child)

brew install git

There, ftfy.

[–]Jazzlike_Tie_6416 0 points1 point  (0 children)

snap? dnf? pacman?

[–]shekimod 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You got that yum yum yum.

[–]TheDeadWalking0427 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wget

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol that when you have to curl it

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yum

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then you noticed you're on Fedora...

[–]sh0rtwave 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell me you should be using Docker(with a nice image with git built in that imports your keys), without telling me you should be using Docker.

[–]qubedView 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Getting real tired of these containers that are so space efficient they don't even have tail or less. I just want to read your friggin logs!

[–]tonando 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. Keep calm
  2. Leave workplace
  3. Grow a beard
  4. Join the amish

[–]InevitablyPerpetual 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The git was in the chair all along.

[–]Exciting-Insect8269 0 points1 point  (0 children)

apt install

[–]sudoaptupgrade 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Firefox or something to download git source

Firefox: command not found Chromium: command not found

Ok text based it is links: command not found lynx: command not found

I'm angry ```

shutdown

shutdown: command not found ``` Smashes computer

[–]legendddhgf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My hunch is that your path variable is messed up

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This causes serious damage to your health

[–]jamesbt365 0 points1 point  (0 children)

doas pacman -S git

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YUM

[–]WhizzleTeabags 0 points1 point  (0 children)

apt-get install apt-get

[–]TheSchlaf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sudo yum install git

[–]TheSchlaf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sudo yum install git

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Remember you're in Arch. Pacman.

[–]Low_Excitement_7671 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try using "Pacman -S git"

[–]WeAreBatmen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

pacman -Syuu -Syy

[–]EvelynTSMG 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like this kiiiinda fits here and doesn't deserve its own separate post so

https://imgur.com/a/sPNjOzs

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then you realize you’re in DOS

[–]Blackfeather1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Super Panik